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"Tell me," Tsukishima uses his thumb to rub the back of Sho's hand, his eyes not looking away from Sho's sad ones. "What's troubling you?"
"The surgery..." Sho mumbled, ignoring the skip in his heart beat.
"Why is my surgery troubling you?"
"I don't want to...accidentally kill you..." Sho bit back his tears. He already cried, he didn't want to cry again.
The thought of losing his career, his license, his reputation, his self-esteem, and his crush from having a unsteady hand-was pushing him down in a hole where all he could feel is pressure and lack of motivation. He didn't think about this type of thoughts before-not even when he slept around when anyone he could lay his hands on. He used to ignore everything he was insecure about and just clouded them with lust. He slept with both men and women, and he never thought about his heart wanting one gender instead of the other. He used to think that beer and sex was perfect distraction from stress.
So why is Tsukishima so nice to him?
Why is he so charming?
Why does he see Sho's personality instead of his looks?
Why does he say exactly what he thinks?
Does Sho's insecurity not scare him?
Does the thought of one slip up not scare him knowing he could die?
Why is Tsukishima so fucking calm?
"Sho-" Tsukishima was holding both of Sho's hands in his, his soft eyes was staring back at Sho with worry and concern. "-you're overthinking everything, aren't you?"
Sho silently nodded, his body was trembling.
"I trust your medical skills and I know you wouldn't let me die."
"Why do you..." Sho's voice trailed off. He looked down at his feet.
"Because I'm not stupid enough to let just anyone perform surgery on my lungs."
"Tsukishima, I-"
"Call me Kei."
"Kei, you-you..." Sho looked up at Tsukishima. "You're so kind to me. Anyone else would've called me a 'fuckboy' and left. Why did you-"
"Because I don't care about what you used to do, all I care about is what you want to do in the present. Do you want to be with me?"
"Of course, I do."
"Then the only way we can be together is if I get surgery done."
"I don't know..."
Tsukishima smiled. "Are you justifying my feelings?"
"No, I just-I just-" Sho licked his lips. "-want to make sure you're not making a mistake. You're doing a risky thing by requesting me to do something very serious."
"And I'm positive and absolutely sure I want you to do the job."
"I still don't know..."
Tsukishima gently pulled Sho down to his level and pressed his lips onto his. "Sho."
Sho's breath hitched in his throat, he forgot how beautiful kissing Tsukishima is. It felt better than any kiss he received from anyone else.
This one felt angelic and comforting-it wasn't rushed, harsh, or desperate.
Sho kissed Tsukishima back and pressed his lips together. "How much 'like' do you feel for me?"
"Almost enough to say 'love'." Tsukishima whispered, removing his hands from Sho's to wrap them around his neck. "What about you?"
Sho swiftly climbed onto the hospital bed, slightly hovering over Tsukishima. "Me too, though, I'm still a bit new to feelings myself."
"Don't worry," Tsukishima kissed Sho. "I'm here for you."
"If I do the surgery," Sho pressed his forehead against Tsukishima's. "Promise me to not hate me if it all goes wrong."
"I could never hate you." Tsukishima smiled.
"Then let me have these final moments before your surgery starts. Just to savor the moment we have together."
"Okay," Tsukishima pulled Sho's lips to his again, trying to keep his breathing under control while keeping mind to his heart beat.
Sho parted his lips, allowing Tsukishima's tongue to slip inside to cavort with his. "Mm."
Love is an indescribable, magnificent feeling that sometimes could be felt using skin to skin contact.
That warmth from the others body, it was comforting.
It gave Sho a sense of mind to calm down and think.
He mindlessly did everything you're supposed to do for anal sex without thinking, and by the time he wrapped his head around what he was doing-he was hoisting Tsukishima's legs in the air and kissing him while rubbing his cock against Tsukishima's.
He slowly opened his eyes to see Tsukishima looking calm, flushed, and beautiful.
He felt Tsukishima pulsate against him every so often.
He was sensitive.
Sho moved his hips back so his cock tip slipped down to Tsukishima's prepped rectum, and slowly pushed inside without hesitation-exploring the tightness and slickness.
He sighed against Tsukishima's lips when he could easily move without hurting both of them. Inching out of him and inching back in, barely moving his hips to allow Tsukishima to adjust his size.
Tsukishima's fingers combed through Sho's disheveled hair, while whimpering into the kiss when Sho refused to pick up the pace.
Sho pulled away from the kiss. "What? Tell me."
"Move faster." Tsukishima whispered, averting his gaze from Sho-embarrassed.
Sho nuzzled into the crook of Tsukishima's neck. "Say it again."
"Move faster."
Sho nourished his need and sped up-preventing their thighs from clapping together every time he moved. He moaned into Tsukishima's ear, the sensation was ripping away his fear and insecurity little by little. He was holding Tsukishima in his arms, he was inside of Tsukishima-it felt so right.
He never wanted to let go of this feeling.
"Sho," Tsukishima's back arched off the bed, his heart rate sped up a little bit-but not enough to alert anyone. "More-more-please-"
"Yeah-" Sho inhaled the strawberry scent off Tsukishima's skin, his heart clenched when he thought about losing this scent from his life forever.
He mumbled next to Tsukishima's ear, which was mixed with moans and words. "I-need-you-in-my-l-life-Kei."
Tsukishima nodded, his legs quivered while one of his hands traveled down to his cock to stroke it. "I need you too-nngh-I-don't want to lose you."
"Sorry, I'm about to cum soon." Sho went rougher, trying to encourage his orgasm to release into Tsukishima. "Fuck."
"Cum, I want it."
Sho's lips claimed Tsukishima's again, kissing him through their ejaculation.
They calmed down from their high and refused to move from their position.
Sho pulled away from the kiss, smiling down at Tsukishima. "I'll do the surgery."
"It took sex to convince you?" Tsukishima snorted. "Shameless."
"Actually no, it took your words to convince me. Sex was just the extra push."
"I'm happy to know you want to do the surgery." Tsukishima smiled back, "Please take care of me."
"I'll do my best, Kei."