Chapter Text
*TW for CACW Siberia style angst and Tony’s canon typical terrible coping*
*Also, please try to remember that in this fic specifically, there are no bad guys. Steve isn’t at fault, WS!Bucky isn’t at fault, Tony isn’t at fault. No bad guys or malicious intent, just broken hearts, regret, and soulmates trying to figure this whole crazy thing out*
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Tony Stark was a broken soul. No one ever came right out and said it, but every one certainly knew it and eventually, Tony knew it too.
Most people met their soulmate by college age, everyone else by the time they were thirty with plenty of time to settle down, raise a family of brats and retire into the golden years together. Hell some people met their soulmate in Kindergarten and were blessed enough to be blissfully in love for the next eighty something years but not Tony.
Most Soul Marks were beautiful intricate things, one half of a unique design that would be perfectly matched and completed by the touch of a soulmate. It was described as a rush of warmth, a skitter of sparks, like bells ringing and angels singing and a burn over their heart as a Soul Mark filled in and sealed two hearts together for eternity and there were thousands-- millions--billions of stories of that exact, breathtaking moment, but none of those stories belonged to Tony.
Tony’s Soul Mark was nothing more than a circle in the middle of his chest, plain and uninspiring and empty, an outline waiting to be filled but never ever filled no matter how many people Tony kissed and touched and tried to hold tight.
It used to feel like a target when Howard would yell and scream, it felt like a bruise the night his Mama died, it felt like a curse when Tony woke up in Afghanistan with a battery at his side and a hole in his chest that almost perfectly matched the outline of his worthless Mark.
The night Obadiah held Tony down and ripped his metaphorical heart out, Tony knew. With tears in his eyes and a body too paralyzed to properly cry, with cold settling into his bones and black at the edges of his vision, Tony knew.
‘Proof That Tony Stark Has a Heart’ the box read and Tony sobbed into the empty lab as he covered up the barest edge of his Soul Mark with the glowing blue of the arc reactor because that night, he knew.
When the sky tore apart and aliens poured through and he fought side by side with a team who eventually called him family and the world finally called him a hero and Rhodey was so so proud, Tony knew.
When Captain Steven Rogers somehow switched from being ‘that guy in the khakis’ and started waking up in Tony’s bed, started falling asleep holding him tight, and woke pinning him to the pillows and kissing him breathless, when Steve whispered love into Tony’s ear and Tony’s Mark burned and blurred and ached like it was ready to be completed but stayed empty, when Sergeant Barnes’s star shaped Soul Mark stayed boldly silver at Steve’s heart no matter the two years they spent together, Tony knew.
When Pepper was infected with Extremis and Tony swore to give up being Iron Man just to focus on her healing, when he had the reactor yanked from his chest and the empty circle of his Soul Mark filled in with scars that only mangled it further, when the Winter Soldier made an appearance and Steve cried as he asked permission to leave and Tony pressed his palm to a Soul Mark that didn’t match Steve’s and only nodded and told him to go--
--Tony knew.
He had a scarred empty mark and a broken, damaged soul, and nobody would ever want him.
There wasn’t much to do about it besides sit by himself and try and drink the pain away.
***********
Almost dying was a horrifying sort of normal for Captain Steven Grant Rogers. Steve had been sure he’d die of heartbreak when Bucky fell, he thought he’d die of cold when he put the Valkyrie into the ice, he thought he’d die of shock over waking up in a new century and being thrust into a new war with aliens, he thought he’d die of want the first time Tony kissed him and Steve tasted whiskey and sadness and soulmate in the press of those sweet, soft lips.
Bucky had been Steve’s soulmate, brash and bold and every inch the perfect match for Steve whether he’d been barely five feet tall or towering somewhere over six. Their Soul Marks were entwined gorgeous, multiple points of Bucky’s silver star woven through Steve’s red tinted triskelion styled design. It meant forever, it meant infinity, it meant stars to guide them back together and life, death, eternity wrapped up into one.
Bucky had been Steve’s soulmate and though Soul Marks were meant to fade black when one soul passed on, the star still glowed silver on Steve’s skin and he didn’t know what that meant.
He knew he loved Tony though, Steve knew he adored every breath the often cranky but always brilliant man took, he knew the moments in Tony’s arms and basking in the sunlight of Tony’s smile and the way his entire soul settled when Tony laughed meant forever just like Bucky’s silver star meant forever.
They kissed for the first time after shawarma, with Tony joking something about post battle adrenaline before falling pliant and gorgeous into the embrace and Steve knew right then and there that Tony was meant to be his. A kiss from his soulmate and seventy years of cold melted away, leaving Steve quaking hot and Tony had smiled into that kiss and the next one and the next one and Steve had smiled too.
Fate had somehow deemed him worthy of a second chance at love and soulmates, and Steve wasn’t going to waste it. The triskelion design on his chest and the piece that meant rebirth had come true in breathtaking fashion and now Steve would hold this second forever close to his heart. He spent countless nights lying away quietly adoring every inch of Tony’s body and being grateful for every steady beat of Tony’s heart because between Afghanistan and Obadiah and New York, Steve had nearly lost Tony before he’d ever had the chance to love him and that was unacceptable.
But Steve knew it crushed Tony’s spirit a little more every day when the scarred circle at his chest stayed empty and Bucky’s star Mark stayed silver, and when Hydra sent the Winter Soldier marching down the streets of DC to wreak havoc, when the UN was bombed and the King of Wakanda died, when Steve pressed a hand to Bucky’s mark and sobbed and told Tony he couldn’t leave his soulmate out there alone, Steve just knew his heart couldn’t possibly break any more than it already had--
--then they all ended up in Siberia.
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Siberia
Bucky started slipping the second they set foot in the warehouse in the middle of that big, desolate field and Steve was so focused on trying to figure out what the hell was happening and what the hell he’d do if the Winter Soldier made a full reappearance that he entirely missed the sound of repulsors firing in the air above them, or the clunky metallic steps that was the Iron Man armor approaching from a side corridor.
The heavy doors slid open and Bucky whirled around immediately ready to shoot, finger on the trigger and eyes icing cold so Steve grabbed him, pushed him back and back and back until they were on the stairs and in a defensive position. He kept thinking if Bucky felt safe maybe the Winter Soldier would recede enough to calm him down but then Tony walked through the doors and everything went to hell.
It all went to hell so damn fast and Steve would have nightmares about it for months--years-- afterwards.
“Did you know?” and Steve wanted to drop to his knees and vomit because he’d known but he’d never once thought he’d have to confront the truth and now Tony was just staring at him with betrayal written in those beautiful eyes.
“It wasn’t him! Hydra was controlling him!” and Steve was begging, trying to breathe through the fear clawing up his chest because Tony was so rightfully furious and it wasn’t Bucky any more, it wasn’t Bucky, there was nothing in those pale eyes except Winter and he didn’t know what to do.
“I remember all of them!” and Steve wanted to collapse and scream because nothing about this was fair.
“...He killed my mom.” and then they were all fighting, the Winter Soldier unleashing and Tony furious but somehow still holding back. Steve knew Tony was holding back because he’d seen what that suit could do, he’d seen it and this Tony who had tears in his eyes and rage in his voice was still managing to hold back and not kill the person Steve loved and Steve loved Tony so much at that moment it hurt clear through to his bones.
“Listen to me.” Steve shoved the Soldier back out of the way and grabbed at Tony, grabbed at the mask and tried to see beyond it to Tony’s eyes. “Listen to me! Stop this! We have to stop this! Please sweetheart, please. Listen to me-- listen to me!-- Tony, the Soldier won’t stop unless you stand down first!”
“He killed my mom!”
Steve couldn’t stop it.
He wasn’t fast enough to keep the Winter Soldier back and he tried so hard to be gentle with Tony and for his efforts he was blasted with a repulsor meant for the Soldier, sent reeling head over heels and slamming into the wall. There were still sparks in his eyes when Steve tried to stumble back to his feet but Tony and the Soldier were already tangled up again, right in each other’s faces with the Soldier scrabbling at Tony’s reactor trying to rip it apart and Tony firing up his repulsors ready to hit Bucky again.
Gauntlets tore beneath metal fingers, a beam from Tony’s chest blasted the Soldier’s left arm right off and sent him flying, and the Soldier instinctively grabbed for Tony as he went, grasped at the un gauntleted hand to try and upset Tony’s stance. The Winter Soldier was always thinking, always planning, always strategizing because he was a killer and this is what he did and Steve couldn’t do anything but scream when they both hit the ground.
...and then there was this moment, this second, this half a stammered breath when Tony grabbed at the Soldier’s face with his fingers and raised his other hand to punch…
...and it wasn’t the Soldier looking up at Tony anymore, it was Bucky, clear eyed and horrified and instinctively reaching up to close his palm at Tony’s bare wrist to touch skin and in that minute, that second, that half a stuttered, painful breath Steve knew.
Steve suddenly knew why his mark for Bucky had never faded, he knew why Tony’s mark hadn’t filled in yet, he knew why even a quick touch had forced the Winter Soldier back and brought Bucky into the moment.
Steve knew and the truth of it all propelled him into running, leaping, throwing himself against the armor’s bulk to knock Tony off and then kicking Bucky away hard enough to make him skid into the far wall. He whirled around to try and explain to Tony why the fight had to stop immediately, but Tony was looking at him with a gauntlet raised and then Steve knew something else.
He would have to tear that armor apart before Tony would stop and listen, otherwise both his soulmates would kill each other before either of them heard the full truth.
“Tony.” Steve tried one last time, wet his lips and held both his hands out pleadingly. “Tony, sweetheart, please just listen. We’re soulmates. We’re soulmates. You gotta stop this. Bucky’s down, he’s incapacitated. Stop it. Please.”
“You’re choosing him over me.” Tony said flatly from behind the mask. “He is trying to kill me and you’re siding with him over me.”
“It isn’t Bucky it was--it was--” Christ, Steve didn’t know how to fix this. “--that was the Winter Soldier. Bucky wasn’t in his right mind in that video we saw and he wasn’t in his right mind up to about fifteen seconds ago, but you aren’t either so I need you to just listen to me--”
“He killed my mom.” The repulsor whirred as it heated up, pointed square at Steve’s face. “I-- I loved you and he killed my mom and you’re choosing him over me.”
“Tony Tony please--!”
The light was blinding. Steve had never stared down a repulsor beam before and he wished with all his heart he wasn’t doing it now. It was blinding and it hurt like hell when it smashed into his chest but he couldn’t stop because Tony wasn’t going to stop and he had to finish this now.
And in the aftermath of it all, after Steve had turned all his training and skill onto one of the men he loved, after he’d cracked the protective casing on the arc reactor but not broken the suit and Tony had stared up at him as if every cell in his body was shattering into heartbroken, betrayed pieces, after Steve had begged him to listen and Tony had interrupted before he could say a word and told him to go to hell, that he wasn’t allowed back home, that he had made his choice and could live with it--
--in the aftermath of it all, Steve turned back to Bucky and shook him awake from the half consciousness, pushed the long hair out of Bucky’s eyes and waited to be sure there was nothing left of the Soldier in the crystal blue eyes before asking, “Are you okay?”
Bucky just looked around wildly, ignored the jagged jutting pieces of his destroyed left arm and craned his neck around trying to find Tony, eyes wide and throat jerking as he swallowed past the same knowing that was caught up tight in Steve’s chest and making it impossible to even draw a full breath.
“Stevie?” Bucky grabbed at Steve with his one good hand, held him too tight and shook him frantically. “Stevie, what happened? What-- where’s Stark? Tony. Where’d he go? Where’s Tony?”
“I had to force him to stop fighting.” Steve tasted blood in his mouth around the words. “Had to subdue him or he would kill you and I thought if you woke up and were the Soldier again you’d try to kill him too. I didn’t know what to do.”
“I-- I didn’t ruin the suit though.” He managed. “He’s okay to get back to his helicopter or the plane or--or call someone to help. I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. There’s some bruising but he should be okay and your arm is gone but I think you’ll be okay too. I didn’t want to leave you and I didn’t want to leave Tony...”
Steve choked back a sob and dragged a hand down his face. “Fuck, Bucky. I didn’t know what the hell to do. What was I supposed to do? I just had to make you guys stop. Both of you had to stop.”
“Stevie.” Bucky wiped at the blood on Steve’s lip with trembling fingers, regret dragging his voice rough. “Did we hurt him? Did I hurt him?”
And softer, scared, “What did we do to our soulmate? I know him, I could feel it when he touched me, felt like warmth and finding my way home all at the same time. Does he know? Did you tell him? What did we do to him?”
Steve just hung his head, and Bucky made a hoarse, hurt sounding noise, fell back onto the cold ground and closed his eyes.
...what did we do to our soulmate?
***********
The Avengers Compound
Upstate New York
Six Weeks Later
It was sometime in the near winter pre-dawn when the skies opened up and a spaceship appeared in the stars above the compound, and Tony watched it land with only the mildest of interest, sipping at his third or fourth drink of the night-- day?-- and waiting for whoever had decided to pay him a visit.
It had been six weeks since Siberia. Six weeks since Tony had watched his parents die on a television screen, six weeks since he found out about Steve’s lie, six weeks since he had irrefutable proof of his own brokenness thrown in his face as Steve chose Bucky instead of him over and over and over, six weeks since the cold of Siberia had iced over in his heart and left him shivering every damn minute.
Tony Stark was a broken soul and he damn well knew it, so why not sit and drink until the core deep ache of his empty, scarred Soul Mark finally went a little numb?
A spaceship showing up on the lawn at three or four in the morning while the stars were still out was just fine at this point because at this point, Tony sort of hoped they weren’t coming in peace and maybe someone would put him out of his fucking misery.
But then--
“...Thor?”
The glass fell from his fingers and shattered on the steps when Thor stepped out of the space ship, tall and gaunt and haggard, closely cut hair and missing an eye and looking for all the world like he’d collapse if he had to take one more step.
“Thor?” Tony repeated in confusion. “What--?”
After Thor came a woman in a grey suit and blue cape, a blade in one hand and a bottle in the other. Her eyes looked haunted, dark skin mottled with still fading bruises and long hair looking as if it hadn’t seen a comb or brush in weeks.
“Uh--” Tony frowned, tried to squint past the alcohol clouding his vision. “Now who the--?”
Then it was the Hulk, massive and green but somehow looking small, shoulders curved in and head hanging, hands loose at his side instead of clenched into fists as if all the fight had been beat right out of him.
“Anthony.” Thor’s smile was barely a smile at all, his skin chilled in the frigid night air as he settled onto the stairs next to Tony. “I have returned home.”
“Uh, welcome home?” the woman settled onto the other side of Tony, and he blinked when she ignored the broken glass, then blinked again when she offered him a silent cheers from her own bottle and started drinking. “What’s going on?”
“I have returned home.” Thor repeated and this time the words sounded as if they were cut from his very soul, as if the idea of home rubbed raw against some ruined part of his heart. “Brought Hulk and my friend Valkyrie with me. Is that alright?”
“Y-yeah.” Tony finally tore his eyes away from the very subdued Hulk and nodded. “Yeah Thor, that’s fine. It’s just me here now but yeah. Welcome home.”
“Thank you.” was all Thor said, so after another minute of just looking, Tony retrieved his bottle and kept right on drinking.
When the sun came up over the compound a few hours later, it touched on a Hulk, a Valkyrie, a god of Thunder and a heart broken mortal all sitting passing drinks back and forth in silence, sharing a misery none of them had fully explained but that words wouldn’t truly encompass anyway.
“You guys want to come inside?” Tony asked dully as the birds started singing in the nearby trees. “Get in from the cold at least? Most of the compound is shut down, but I’ve got some food somewhere.”
“I feel as if I will be cold for the rest of my life.” Thor answered after a moment, and Tony tried for teasing but it only fell flat when he replied, “And here I thought your sibling was the frosty one.”
Thor’s features contorted with unexplained grief, even Hulk grunted something sympathetic, and they fell back into quiet as the sun found its way over the hills and spilled golden over the valley in front of them.
“Right then. Here’s to another lonely day.” Valkyrie spoke for the first time since stepping off the ship hours before, lifted her mostly empty bottle to the sky and saluted the rising sun. “Another twenty four hours of absolute bullshit and wondering why fate decided to just fuck some of us right over.”
“Cheers.” Tony flattened his palm to his empty Soul Mark, to the pain the alcohol hadn’t so much as dulled and the circle that had neither filled in with Steve’s love nor turned black with his betrayal. “Fucking… cheers.”
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Chapter Notes:
How is it that I’ve never written a Stuckony centric CACW fic?
I wrote the Siberia Scene specifically from Steve’s POV because it’s such a brutal scene and writing it from Tony or Bucky is too much ow pain. Also because post CACW a lot of people tend to demonize Steve, so I’m going to say it again: no bad guys here, just broken hearts and soulmate angst.
Soul Marks:
Tony-- Circle/Ring. He sees it as empty, but we know rings are meant to be everlasting and binding and keeping everyone else together.
Steve-- Triskelion. A Celtic symbol. Stands for life/death/rebirth which makes perfect sense for Steve, as well as the past/present/future symbolism for this version of Stuckony
Bucky-- Stars. For the obvious WS reference and then because stars are navigation tools, they keep us on the right path and bring us home again.
This is gonna be a Soulmate Angst Filled Ride.
Buckle Up!