Work Text:
Uy, you’re here.
Uh, oo, sorry natagalan—super traffic sa EDSA.
Actually, you’re early. Mrs. Padua isn't even here yet. Pasok ka.
Uhm, I can wait here, outside? I don't want to cross your spa—
No! No! No—come in, make yourself at home.
Hirap no’n a.
Ha?
Wala, ang hirap kasi ano, ang haba nung traffic. Tanggalin ko sapatos ko?
Yes? Parang ‘di ka tagarito dati ah.
...Haha, ang funny.
I’m serious. Joke! Pasok ka na.
Whoa. Daming script. Sagana sa projects?
Going through a couple of them right now, actually. Work’s been super good if I’m being honest. Hectic, yes, but I’ve never been more in my element, you know what I mean? And, oh! One of those really caught my eye. Mumblecore.
Which one?
This one. You can browse it if you want.
Ah. May sakit yung lead?
Yeah. He has this syndrome, something. I have to read up on it more though. I’m sure you know it?
Hindi porke’t doktor ako alam ko na lahat, Ian. Ha. Joke lang.
Hay ‘nako, Pao. Ewan ko d’yan sa humor mo. Juice?
I thought you liked my humor. Dito ka nga na in love, ‘di ba? Joke lang ulit. Tea, please.
‘Kala ko doktor ka. Kelan ka pa naging komedyante? Oh, kaya ko rin ‘no?
Touché. Did use to make you laugh like crazy, though, didn’t I?
You sure did. Ay, wait. Tea, ‘di ba?
Nice. Kala ko ide-deny mo. Yes, tea! Ayan, salamat.
...Bakit? May mali ba sa lasa?
Um, ano. I forgot to mention I take my tea differently now, pero okay lang.
Sorry. Do you want me to make a new one? Or… ikaw na lang since di ko naman alam bagong timpla mo?
Oh, don't be sorry. I just have a new cup of tea, in every sense of that phrase I suppose. Igagawa ko na lang sarili ko. May I tinker with your kitchen?
Oh. You tinker with the kitchen now? That’s another new. Can you make me one, too?
Uhm, yeah? I guess? It’s not as good as yours though. Kinailangan ko matuto e, simula nu—
Hay, there you are again, selling yourself short. I’m sure you’re doing well for a late learner. Gawan mo kaya ako ng food?
Bakit? Jowa ba kita? …Last na hirit na ‘yon.
Too soon, Pao.
Yep, agreed. I really shouldn't have said that. Uhm, tell you what: sure. Ipagluluto kita, whatever you like.
What can you cook? Other than pancakes, of course.
Actually, pancakes at pancit canton lang ang kaya kong lutuin. Pa rin. Mamili ka na lang. O ‘wag.
Wow, ang daming choices. Kidding, again. Ikaw bahala. Just make sure it's edible, ha.
Grabe ka sa ‘kin! I used to cook pancakes and they were always edible!
Eh… debatable.
Magbababag pa ba tayo e ang linis na ng pantry? Puro instant na lang pwede ko lutuin.
Sabi ko nga. It’s your choice, Pao.
Okay. Pancit canton it is. Sweet and spicy?
Yep. Like old times.
So, it’s true. Some things don’t change nga, ‘no?
I guess? And some things have to change, too. Sucks how we had to learn it the hard way though.
Natuto nga lang magbago for the better noong nawala na. Para tuloy nasayang yung point of changing because we didn’t benefit from the changes together. But, a lesson learned is a lesson learned.
Maybe it was necessary to learn like that, to learn apart and not together. Like you said, it’s not sayang because it’s still a lesson learned.
Pero hindi nga ba sayang? Dami na natin plano, e.
Of course it is. I mean, look around. This place is born out of those plans. And it was only the beginning, supposedly. Imagine-in mo, we could’ve had this still. But look: on the upside, now you’re cooking. Or learning to, at least. Am I making sense?
You are, you’re making sense. Gets ko. Siguro? I mean, ‘di ka rin naman mag-mo-move out if it weren’t for… everything. And it’s a good thing to move out, isn’t it? For you?
Right. It was bound to happen. We were talking about moving out naman na before the… you know. And now we are— ‘di nga lang tulad nung unang plano na magkasama tayo sa lilipatan.
Mali pala ako, ‘no? When I said naubusan na tayo ng tutuparing pangarap magkasama. Here’s your canton.
Thank you. Ah, this smells so good! And yes, true, we still have a lot of dreams. Ang dami pa pala natin gustong tuparin. Some dreams we’ve built together were meant to be achieved apart pala.
Makes you think, doesn't it? Kasalanan ba natin? O kasalanan ni Tadhana? Charot lang, sinisi pa si Tadhana e. Alam ko namang kasalanan natin. Hindi ko lang sure sa’n banda: kung du’n ba sa parteng sumuko tayo, o du’n sa parteng masyado lang tayong maraming pinangarap.
I don't know, kailangan bang may sisisihin? Maybe things are the way they are, because it simply is. It just happened. Predetermined kumbaga. We can't keep finding a way to point fingers, whether on each other or something else entirely, like Fate and all these entities we don't have a hold of. I found it easiest to move on that way.
Ah, so move on ka na?
I’m trying my best.
And does this trying involve, say, getting yourself out there?
What kind of questions are these? Grabe Tito Boy. Hindi ako ready sa pa-hot seat, a.
Ang sensitive naman nito, I'm just trying to pass the time while waiting. Bakit mo ba dina-dodge? Mayroon ba?
Okay then, sure. As for the dating, do you want me to answer as an honest person or as your ex? Joke lang. Not yet, are you kidding me? Ang hirap yata tapatan ng isang Paolo Pangilinan.
Buti alam mo. Ikaw rin naman.
E why did you leave? Joke.
E bakit hinayaan mo akong umalis?
Huy! I didn’t kaya! I even pleaded so you won't, remember? Kaso, kung doon ka sasaya, may magagawa pa ba ako para hindi ka umalis? You sounded so sure then.
And if I told you na mayroon ka pang magagawa? Pa’no kung sabihin ko sa ‘yo na hindi ako sigurado that time?
Then I'm telling you now: it's too late.
'Di mo sure. Ang turo ng mga matatanda, huwag daw nagsasalita nang tapós.
…I can't believe you.
What?
Are you really having this conversation with me, right now? We’re giving the apartment up today. What difference will this make?
Hala ka, nakikipag-usap lang naman ako.
You really think I’d buy that? And don't even try to convince me there isn't malice here kasi bakit out of all people, ikaw pa ang nagtatanong? What, you just happened to be volunteering information — like you're not sure yet, like there's something I could still do, all that shit — for the sake of making small talk? Ang insensitive, Paolo.
Ah. So ngayon, na-pi-pick up mo na kung insensitive ang mga bagay? Bakit ngayon lang? Nasa’n ‘yan three months ago? Nasa’n ka, three months ago?
So gusto mo talaga balikan 'to? Nandito ka pa rin? Is this what you mean by hindi ka pa nakaka-move on?
At ikaw, naka-move on na? Bullshit. This whole we’re-mature-adults-let’s-talk-over-tea-while-we-close-this-chapter-as-if-this-couldn’t-have-been-our-whole-life skit? Bullshit.
I said I’m trying, ‘di ba? Mahirap na nga, ba’t parang gustong-gusto mo pa akong pahirapan? Ayan na ba ganti mo sa ‘kin? Tangina naman.
Ganti? You really think na ginagawa ko ‘to kasi gusto kitang saktan, Ian? Gan’yan ba tingin mo sa ‘kin? Wow.
Then cut to the chase! What's the point of this conversation, to get back with me or to get back at me? Because whether it's your intention or not, nakakasakit ka na. You said it was better this way, and I finally am trying to believe you.
Tanginang I’m finally trying to believe you. Bawiin mo 'yon. Sino ba niloloko natin?
Bawiin? What the fuck? Akala ko ba gusto mo ‘to? What happened to ‘I never give these kinds of ultimatums just to not mean it’? Ang gulo mo na naman, gago.
Oh, come on. Three months ago, you were practically on your knees. Ano sa tingin mo ang pinagmumukmok ko ever since I left? All I thought about, all I held onto, was how you said you ‘refuse to think it’s the end yet’. I waited for you to do something, anything. Hindi ko ginustong guluhin ka kasi baka galit ka pa, kayâ hindi ako nangulit. Nag-intay ako, inintay kita. I wanted you to take your time, to eventually send me a signal na okay na, na gusto mo na ulit, na gusto mo pa. Hindi mo nga kailangang manuyo, e. Uuwi ako agad sa ‘yo. But guess what? You call, three months after to, what, ask me to sign papers for the turnover of the lease to our house? And nevermind na umasa ako. Nevermind that I was waiting on nothing. Nevermind that your name lighting up my screen was the most hopeful I’ve been after a long fucking time, just for me to watch those hopes be obliterated. That's on me. Pero wala man lang pagkonsulta o kahit ano, you decide all by yourself to give away our apartment. Our home, Ian. And you made that decision so quickly. Sana hindi mo na lang sinabing ayaw mo pa akong mawala.
You're right, I was on my knees then. But like you said, that was three months ago. Bakit sa ‘kin mo sinisisi lahat ng kaputanginahan? Everything is always about you, Paolo, isn't it? Nagmukmok ka, nag-intay ka, umasa ka. Tangina, nasaan ako diyan? Baka kaya hindi natin natawid yung tayo nung gabing ‘yon kasi laging sa ‘yo ang awa at sa akin ang sisi. What do you think I was doing during those months, celebrating? Do you think I've been enjoying myself? Nothing about it was easy or quick. The fuck. Ibabalik ko sa ‘yo yung sisi mo. Ba’t hindi mo ako tinawagan? When you realized you made a mistake, why didn’t you call? And when I told you I'm going to let go of the house, why didn't you make a case against it? Ano, tameme ka ngayon? Kasi alam mong kagagawan mo ‘to, Paolo. Kahit iyon man lang, panindigan mo. Hayop makasumbat, pero nu'ng naghiwalay tayo, kaninong desisyon 'yon? Sa iyo, ‘di ba? Wala ba akong karapatan magdesisyon para sa atin ngayon? Miss me with that 'our home' bullshit kasi tangina, ikaw ang umalis, hindi ako. What do you want me to do, Pao, huh? Tumira dito at magmukmok habang buhay? Kasi kung 'yon ang plano mo sa ‘yo, ‘wag mo ako idamay.
Sorry.
Hah. You see that? That’s all it took: one word. Three months of pain and anger, all melted into nothing by a single sorry from you. You didn’t even have to explain yourself. ‘Yon lang, napatawad na kita. Putang ina. Why the hell are you laughing?
I just realized something.
What?
I don't think it's right to mention it now.
Spit it out, Paolo. Ngayon ka pa ba mahihiya?
Wala lang. Kung tayo pa kasi, isang momol lang, tangina, ayós na lahat ‘to.
Gago. That's the reason na wala tayong na-resolve na away e. It always ends with us making out, which is a bad fucking idea.
I just wish my mouth were better with other things. Like for apologizing. For taking the blame. For asking you to come back to me in a way that wouldn’t scar us both. Maybe it could've saved us in the long run.
Right, we realize things when it's already too late. Wala na nga 'di ba? Pero tangina, isang sorry. Ang lakas mo pa rin sa 'kin. Ang hina ko na naman sa 'yo. Ang daya.
Shit. Ian. Sorry.
Tangina. What was that for?
I don't know. I don't know. We were in this talk about how we always fixed things this way. And I wanted to fix it— I don't know.
I said it was a bad idea, what the fuck.
I'm sorry for kissing you.
...Do it again.
Ian.
Hmm?
What are we—
Shh. I missed you.
Fuck! Sorry.
What happened?
May natumbang box. Cockblock? Hah.
It’s okay, Pao. Leave it there, I'll fix it later.
Hindi, ako na. Mabilis lang 'to.
Ako na nga.
Ang kulit mo, Ian. Ako na ng— teka… bago ‘tong pictures?
Uhm, yea. Sa… ano… CDO.
Ah. Natuloy ka pala?
Yea. Kailangan rin naman pumunta either way.
What do you mean?
Work.
Ha?
For work.
Pakshet.
What?
Sabi ko, pakshet.
Bakit?
Ibig mong sabihin, yung CDO trip dapat natin, trabaho pa rin?
Yes? Ocular lang naman. Kaya naman kita isingit do'n. Come back here.
Isingit? Punyeta! I felt shitty over you buying us that trip, pero hanggang regalo mo pala sa 'kin, kalaban ko pa rin trabaho? Ayos.
And this is still an issue, because?
Kasi 'yan ang puno’t-dulo ng away natin, Ian! Hindi ka na ba maka-keep up sa sarili mong buhay?
Ah, buhay ko pa pala ‘to. Akala ko sa 'yo lang e. Ikaw naman lagi nasusunod. Sa 'yo lagi pabor.
Ito na naman? Ano namang pinuputok ng butsi mo?
No, Paolo, anong pinuputok ng butsi mo? You bring things up tapos ako yung sasabihin mo ng ‘Ito na naman?’
Oh, e 'di akin na. Sorry. Pinaparating ko lang sa 'yo na tangina, habambuhay kong kalaban 'yang trabaho mo. Hirap makipagkumpetensya kasi lagi akong talo—siya at siya ang pipiliin mo.
Why are we even talking about this? I thought you wa— Fuck, you know what? Forget it. Tapós na tayo, 'di ba? We can’t fix this, Paolo. Kahit gaano pa natin ipilit. Pero if you want an answer, then I’ll give it to you.
Shoot.
Minasama mo yung tickets to CDO because you felt like you’re in this constant competition with my job, when in fact, that was not the case. At least for me, it wasn't. And I'm sorry if you felt that way, I really am. But aren’t you sorry, too? For making me feel like it was always my fault? Because for me, I wanted you there regardless of whether I had work or not. And like I said, ocular lang 'yon. We could’ve had plenty of time for ourselves and I’m sure of that, because I had to spend that much time alone because you didn’t go with me. That was me making time for you. But you didn’t see that, did you?
Sana sinabi mo.
What happened sa 'take a fucking hint' mo? Hindi mo kaya i-apply sa sarili mo?
Dami mong kuda ngayon 'no? Sa'n galing tapang mo? Kasi ayan yung gusto kong kaaway noon: ‘yung nag-eexplain. Sumasagot. Hindi nagtatanga-tangahan na walang maintindihan kuno.
And now I'm stupid. Thank you, a.
Hindi gano'n. Alam mo ang ibig sabihin ko.
Actually, I don’t. Why don't you go ahead and explain it, Paolo? May iba pa bang ibig sabihin yung tanga?
Tangina lang Ia—
Tao po? Uh, Ian?
Shit. / Shit.
She’s here. God, of all times.
I’ll answer and stall a bit at the door.
I’ll clean up.
Wait, Ian.
What?
Hello? Yoohoo! Tama naman address na nakuha ko, right?
...It's nothing. Go.
Hi hij— Wait. You're not the Ian I’ve been talking to sa Messenger, are you?
Uh, nope. I’m Paolo? The co—
Oh, my god, ikaw yung Paolo sa socials niya! At mas gwapo ka pa sa personal, susmaryosep! It’s a pleasure to meet you.
Um, thank you po. Hehe.
So, ano, magtititigan na lang ba tayo rito sa labas? Pwede na ba akong pumasok?
Ano po kasi. A— Ang ganda po ng panahon, ano?
Oh yes, actually. Ngayon lang ulit naging maaraw na maghapon, 'no? Kaso grabe rin talaga, the heat! D’yan ba sa loob?
Uh, mainit din po rito e, sure kayong gusto niyo pumasok?
Hijo, ramdam ko simoy ng air conditioning. Hindi naman mainit, a?
Ah, kasi po— ay! Ang ganda po ng ano. Bag niyo. Kulay ng bag niyo.
Aw, thank you! It's my favorite, but I'm afraid I'll wear it down kasi lagi kong ginagamit. It's also quite heavy. Do you have any place for me to set it down sa loob—
Ay naku, wala p—
And I'll take that! Hi po, Mrs. Padua. I'm Ian.
Ayan, finally, in the flesh! Hi Ian! Marites na lang for the two of you, okay? Ay, parang medyo haggard ka yata.
Ah, ano lang po, I just uhm, woke up. Yeah.
Oh… So pareho kayong galing sa tulog?
Po? / Po?
Kasi si Paolo rin oh, mukhang bagong gising. Hay, couples sleeping in together. GOALS!
Ano raw?
'Goals'?
Alam niyo, porke't sanay kayo e, ano? Anyway, hindi niyo na ba talaga ako papapasukin? Dios mio, Marimar.
Oh, sorry. Of course po. This way.
Aww, patapos na talaga kayo mag-impake.
I mean, it's relatively easy po kasi, these are all just my stuff.
Oh, so nauna maglipat ng gamit si Paolo?
Yes po. Oh, there's something I forgot to mention nga po pala, though I'm not sure if it matters that much. Me and Pa—
Wait lang. Is that tea?
Uhm, I mean. I guess?
Great! It smells amazing. Will someone please fetch me a cup? Kauhaw sa daan!
Okay po. Pao, is it okay if you…?
Sige. Sandali lang.
Yay! Two teaspoons of sugar please. Thank you agad!
Pao, wait.
Yes, Bub? I mean. Ian. Yes, Ian?
Uhm, ano. Just reheat it a bit, it'll be fine.
Grabe yung term of endearment, nahiya pa kayo sa 'kin, a? Chos! Okay lang naman, ano ba.
Mrs. Padua, I really think you're getting the wrong ide—
Ian, I perfectly get it, okay? Misis ako. Anyways, the papers. Hold on, nasa'n na ba iyon? Oh, here. You can start signing na while we wait for the tea from Paolo.
...I'll think I'll wait for him before signing po.
Hay 'nako, you just have to do everything together, don't you?
We share the rights to the property naman po e so, I think it would only be right to.
Here's your tea po.
Thank you! Now, you two lovebirds will be serving the real tea. Ano na plano niyo?
Ako po—
Siguro mas malaki na ‘yung bahay na lilipatan niyo.
Mrs. Padua we’re not—
Sabagay, mukha namang mas kaya niyo na umupa sa gano'n. Balita ko kasi, doctor ka na, tapos maraming projects itong boyfriend mo.
Nagkakamali po kayo. Hindi na po…
Ay, bongga! Hindi na kayo mangungupahan? As in, sarili niyo na? Grabe, sana noong gan'yang edad ko, nakapagpundar na rin ako.
Mrs. Padua ano po kasi—
Hindi pa po sa 'min. We’re still paying for it.
Ah. Kung ganoon, bakit lilipat na kayo agad?
Pwede na po kasi lipatan. Sayang naman po if we’re going to pay for two houses pa.
Sabagay. Alam niyo, nakakatuwa kayo. Mukhang mahal na mahal niyo talaga ang isa’t isa.
Yeah. We do. We love each other very much.
Ian...
Don't we, Pao?
Yes, Pao hijo? Tugon?
…Sino ba namang hindi mapapamahal dito? Ian Pangilinan yata 'yan.
Grabe naman po 'yon, Dr. Paolo Pangilinan. Mas swerte nga po akong ako yung minahal niyo, e.
Ay Dios ko, masyado akong kinikilig sa inyo! Teka nga. Sa’an ba kayo lilipat, ha?
Project 6. / New Manila.
Actually, we’re planning to have a house outside the metro para makatakas kahit papaano sa gulo ng city.
We do, kaso hindi siya practical.
Because our life is here. Our work. Though everything, especially the traffic, sucks.
But still, we’re getting a property there. Maybe, when things settle for us a bit.
Saan niyo ba gusto?
Rizal. / Batangas.
He likes the mountains.
He loves the beach.
Pero we agreed that Tagaytay is the best option for the both of us.
Tagaytay, yes. Ilang properties na nga yung tinignan natin do’n? Four? Five?
Lima ata. Kasama na ‘yung overlooking sa Taal Lake.
You like that one.
Ang ganda kasi talaga nu'n! Nakakawala ng stress, tapos malawak pa 'yung bakuran. For, you know, the possibility of kids, though it isn't set in stone yet.
That’s why we’re getting that one.
Ang saya mamili ng bahay, ano? 'Yung tipong habang tinitignan niyo, nakikita niyo na rin yung future niyo na magkasama.
Yeah. Our future together. You, getting home from your graveyard shift while I’m making breakfast. We’ll share a meal before I get to work.
Tapos hihintayin kita makauwi so we can eat dinner together.
After we get to share a cup of tea on the veranda, overlooking Taal, we'll talk about our days.
Mag-ra-rant ako kasi pinapahirapan kami sa residency.
O kaya we'll throw lines, para sa scene na kukunan namin kinabukasan.
Plano pa nga nating mag-out of the country every year.
Cape Town in summer next year, right?
Como, actually. May itinerary na nga ako, ‘di ba?
Kala ko this year 'yon?
Supposedly, but we cancelled it kasi nag-extend yung teleserye niyo, at sabi mo they can’t give you the days off for our trip.
Well, ikaw din naman right? ‘Cause residency. Apparently, fifteen days is 'too long' for you to be gone.
Pero hindi ko pina-cancel, I said let’s reschedule . Babawasan lang naman yung araw, we can still go, Ian.
Bakit, pina-cancel ko ba?
Nevermind. It doesn’t matter.
Mga anak, hindi sa pangingialam ha, pero bilang isang taong kinasal na, ito ang payo ko: trabaho lang 'yan. Pera lang 'yan. Kayang-kaya niyo ‘yang bawiin. Pero ‘yung pagkakataon? Kapag lumipas na, lumipas na. Walang rewind button. Bata pa kayo, i-enjoy niyo lang muna na magkasama kayo, para wala kayong pagsisihan sa huli.
Nasa huli na nga.
Hijo?
Wala po. Sadyang marami lang po talaga kaming pangarap.
Marami kaming pangarap.
Wala namang kaso 'yon. Mangarap lang kayo para sa hinaharap, sige. But the future is eventually the present, and conversely, the present was once the future. Kailangang siguraduhin niyo rin na hindi niyo nakakalimutang mabuhay sa kasalukuyan nang magkasama.
Right.
To build a life around those dreams.
And achieve those dreams together.
Together.
Ikaw at ako.
Tayo.
Magkasama. Magkasangga. We’re a team, aren't we?
A single unit.
Then what happened to us, Paolo?
I’m… I don't know either. Maybe we lost faith?
I don’t think we did. I actually feel like we had too much.
Huh, soulmates.
Soulmates. That one too.
Lahat talaga ng sobra masama, ‘no? We took too much pride in this idea na kaya natin, na kahit gaano pa kaliit yung chance, kaya natin. Magagawan natin ng paraan. We can make it work, because we always did. We always make it work. Somehow.
Or that's just what we thought because we had faith. I wish we could throw everything away and just hold onto that belief, because things were way better when that’s the only thing we had. Pero hindi ganoon 'yon, e. We’re human beings, we’re wired to crave for more, to dream, and to flourish where there is space.
Until no space was left to breathe inside our bubble, and eventually, we outgrew each other.
We said we won’t, pero wala, nangyari pa rin. And you know the worst part? We probably knew it was always bound to end like this—we were just too stubborn. Too… faithful .
So ito na talaga ‘to? Wala nang bawian?
Don’t you think it’s too late for that question? Look at us now. Gusto mo pa ba talaga?
Ayan, so! I think ano, ganito na lang. Sige. I'll leave you two with these papers to sign, tapos babalikan ko na lang kapag hindi na ano, kapag ano. Bukas. Yes, bukas. Or kung kailan kayo matatapos! Pumirma, I mean. Not kayo. Oo, haha. Pumirma. Alam niyo na 'yan. Una na ako?
Sige po, Mrs Padua. Thank you for making time.
We're sorry we've been bad hosts.
Ay 'nako, okay lang ano! Thank you sa tea. Tsaa, oo. Basta, kayo na bahala, ha?
Opo, kami na bahala.
We'll fix this.
Ayun, haha. Sige, bye! Stay strong! Ano pala, ingat. Stay ano. 'Yon. Bye!
We’re not getting back together, are we?
No, we're not.
I should've known. I should've conceded.
How could you have?
It's just— Listen. I really don't think you're the stupid one, it's me.
Hey, don't say that.
But I am. For breaking up without letting you explain. For having too much pride to reach out first. For thinking that being here is enough to cause some... shift. I thought we’ll hash it out, fix things.
Paolo.
No, you need to hear this. I planned on talking to you properly, see. I wanted us back; handa na nga akong lumuhod kung kinakailangan e. But look: all I did was start another fight, all because I was scared of how “fast” you were moving forward without me.
I’m sorry you felt that way.
No, I’m sorry. I was threatened, so much so that I felt the need to flaunt how “better off” I am, too, though there's no truth to it.
You don't have to hide your struggles, you know? We both have them.
I know. But you seemed like you had less of it than I do. Gets mo?
That's not— Pao, do you know how much I had to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for your arrival today?
I know that too, and I’m sorry, I really am. Like— okay. You know how I said I take my tea differently?
Yeah?
I was lying.
What?
Yeah. Well, partly lying. Natigilan ako— teka, nahiya ako bigla. Ano. Natigilan ako, kasi sobrang sarap.
Ugh. Not the time for your jokes, Pao.
Hala. Hindi kita binobola o binibiro. Natigilan nga ako sa lasa.
What do you even mean? It's not like you don't drink the same tea every time.
Actually, I don't anymore. Kasi news flash: tatlong buwan ko nang hindi naititimpla nang tama yung tsaa ko. It's true, I have been trying to cook. Pero bwakanangshet na tsaa 'yan; tatlong buwan ko nang tinatantsa, hindi ko pa rin maitama. Isipin mo 'yon? I don't even know how to make my own tea. Ikaw lang ang nakakaalam. Ikaw lang. I said I take my tea differently not because my preference has changed, but because I know I'll never get it right the same way I did with you again. Sorry, I mean, I'll never get it right the same way you do.
...I can teach you how to make your tea if you want.
No, thank you.
What? Why not?
I don't think I want to know how to. I don't want to taste good tea that doesn't come from you. I don't want to know if it could exist, or even entertain the idea. I'd rather put up with this: bitter tea, a bitter life.
Why? Why are you punishing yourself like this?
Oh, this? This is how I atone for leaving you. Hayaan mo lang ako.
How could I? I can't just magically set your hurt aside. Mahal pa rin naman kita.
"Pa rin"?
"Naman".
Ah. Consolation.
What can I say?
Basta, hayaan mo lang gawin ko 'to. If I do this, I might have the slightest chance in hell to forgive myself.
Pao, I can’t let you do this to yourself.
Sabi na ngang hayaan, e. Let me have my process, mom.
Paolo.
Ang seryoso po ni Ian. ‘To naman, joke lang. Look, if it’s any consolation, this thing that I’m doing to myself is not that bad. It has its pros naman like... well, at least, in a way, I get to keep you.
What do you mean?
I get to keep you in the sense na I get to keep the memories. Okay, hindi ko alam kung may sense ba ‘to, but not learning how to make tea the way you do serves as a reminder that someone used to make the best tea that I ever had, and it’s—it was you. So let me have this, okay? Let me have you like this, Ian. Let me have this history of us to remind me of you because I don’t want to forget you.
Even after everything that happened?
Even after everything that happened.
Kahit masakit?
Especially dahil masakit.
Why?
I want my pain because I want to feel love, Ian. And hey, kapag okay na tayo, tatawanan o ngingitian nalang din natin 'to. Well, kung magiging okay pa tayo.
But is it really impossible for people with history to be okay, or tayong dalawa lang talaga yung hindi kaya? Is all of this trying really a waste of time? Are you still this mad at me?
I’m not mad at you. Okay, siguro kaunti. I guess it was just such a punch in the gut when you spoke of what happened to us under a good light because “hey, at least we learned a thing or two out of it"—as if this is how it was meant to be all along. But this isn't how it was meant to be, you know? It was supposed to be... us, through and through. I was going to take the oath, and you were going to give the loudest cheer for me. You were going to get an Oscar, and I, one of the people you dedicate it to.
If it's of any help, I still plan to call your name, you know. If I get it.
When . Not if.
Fine, when.
But will you, really? Call my name?
Of course.
And um, if it isn't too much to ask, will you be there for my ceremony?
Sure. Even more so now, now that I know you want me there. But maybe no more of the shouting bit, haha. But that doesn't mean I’m not proud, okay? I am. I’m just… not in the place to be vocal about my happiness for you anymore. Or vocal about my love? My pride? I don't know.
Ian?
Hm.
What about our weddings?
Pao.
Will we be there?
The question is… do you want me to be there?
Only as the one beside me at the altar.
Oh, Paopao.
No, I’m serious. I never really thought much about marriage, you know? Used to think I'd never tie the knot. You were the only reason I reconsidered. But now that that choice is out… well. Only option in that matter.
Ang cheesy naman nu’ng me or no one.
But it is you or no one.
I think you'll marry.
Yeah?
Yeah. There’s this quote from a film I have memorized by heart. “I think you'll find someone, and love them, and you will live and die for them, because that's your way, and you will. And I'll watch.”
Ian.
And I’ll watch, Pao. You're one of the most loving and nurturing people I know, it's almost second nature to you. And there's no question whether you're lovely or not. I loved you. I still do, even.
E ‘di tara nga.
Where?
Ian, pakasalan mo ‘ko.
Oh god— Paolo, how is this a good idea? Seryoso ka ba?
I am. Come back home to me. Marry me. We know each other best. We managed to at least tolerate each other for four whole years. You can make my tea. I can make you laugh.
Pao.
Kaya ko namang tanggapin yung pagmamahal mong consolation prize, e. If an alms’ worth of love is all that you could give, okay lang sa akin. I’ll take what I can get, basta mahal.
Those are besides the point. Pao, please, get up from your knees.
How are all of these besides the point?
They just are. Listen. All I’m trying to say is that you don't have to worry about finding someone new. It isn't exactly hard to fall in love with you.
But staying in love with me is a different story, is it not?
It's not that either. Don't you hear yourself? Pao, kailan pa naging mahal ang limos? When someone begs, they don't get love in return. What they get is pity. Pity doesn't sustain marriages.
At this point, anything from you will sustain me. Those three months felt like dying, Ian, over and over again. And all I could think about is how I couldn't wait to come back to you because I couldn't imagine bearing the feeling that I'm dying every single day for the rest of my life. It's torture. Even waking up in the morning and lying down at night on a cold bed is torture—it became more and more like a coffin every time I slept on it.
It makes sense you felt that way.
Why? What was it like for you?
It felt like being haunted. Especially because I was left with our house. I saw and heard you, everywhere. In the garden, playing with Ariana. In the bedroom, asleep on your book. I would talk out loud, and I could hear you answer back, with every version of your voice from different rooms of the house engraved in my mind. I'd ask you which tie looks better to wear for a formal event, and you'd always answer the royal blue. I'd consult you on what to order for dinner, but you'd tell me eating home-cooked food is better, that my home-cooked food is better, so I'll cook. Other nights, I'd put an extra plate in front of me. I'd shout "I'm heading out!" or "I'm home!" to no one in particular before I step outside the door. I don't know what I looked more like: crazy or pathetic. And I did that for weeks. I have no clue if it's by force of habit, or a stupid coping mechanism, or if I've convinced myself that if I don't let these habits go, then things will be exactly the way they were once you come back. But one day, the tie you always preferred over all the others went missing. I went on a fit looking for it, but I never found it. And I realized, things will never really be the same, whether you come back or not—that if you died, who I've been living with was really not you, but just the ghost of you.
Stop.
Oh no.
I hate you. I hate you so much. Nakakainis ka.
Shit. I’m sorry. Paolo, look at me. Sorry, I didn’t realize that was too much.
Bahala ka d’yan. Ewan ko sa ‘yo. Pangit mo ka-bonding.
I’m really sorry. Don’t cry, please? Paolo, please don’t cry.
Sobra ka naman. You rejected my proposal na nga tapos pati pag-iyak hindi mo ibibigay sa ‘kin?
Okay, okay. Sorry. Come here.
What the fuck. Ian naman eh. Bumitaw ka please. Wag mo ‘kong yakapin. Mas lalo akong—Ian ano ba?! Mas lalo nga akong naii—
Shh. It’s okay. I got you, Pao. Okay lang, okay lang.
Oh, God, it's really over.
Yeah. But it’ll be okay.
Ian.
Hm.
I love you.
Paolo.
No, you mistook it. I just had to say it out loud dahil ‘yon ang nararamdaman ko. I said it because it feels wrong not to when it fills my heart like this: even when you do not so much as comfort me — mahal kita. Sinasabi ko lang siya, okay? You don't have to return the feeling. You don't even have to reply to anything. Just leave it there.
...Alright.
Okay.
Pucha, ang rupok.
Sino? You or me?
Both.
True. We're a mess.
Yeah. So much for breaking up para sa ikabubuti natin 'no?
Well, to be fair, it's only been three months. Ikaw kasi eh, ang hirap mag-move on sa 'yo.
Heh. Para namang ginawa mong madali para sa 'kin. Tawa ka d'yan.
I'm… I'm really sorry, Pao.
For?
For deciding things alone. I'm sorry we became like this.
I'm sorry, too. Naniniwala ka pa rin ba? About what I said when we broke up?
Shh. Tama na, Pao. Whatever the answer may be, it's already done. Nandito na tayo, o. We already made our decision. Nasaktan na tayo at ang dami na nating pinakawalan. Heck, we're about to sign the lease for our house.
Oo nga pala. 'Yung papers.
Yeah. Are you ready to sign them?
Ikaw ba? Handa ka nang pakawalan tahanan natin?
It was barely a home without you, Pao.
Kung sabagay. Hindi ko na rin naman mauwian 'to eh.
Neither could I. It's a sign.
Na ano? Umuwi na tayo?
Hindi, sirâ ka talaga kahit kailan. It's a sign to look for new places to call home.
Ito naman, ang seryoso masyado. Joke lang.
Grabe naman kasi ‘yang jokes mo.
Just trying if my charm still works on you.
Ah.
So? Gumagana pa ba?
Well…
Tagal ng sagot, a.
Yes, it does. Still. Every single time.
Ian?
Mhm?
Alis na ako.
Ha?
Yeah. Sorry for ruining the peace. Medyo inaantok at pagod na kasi ako, alam mo na, bagong iyak. Grabe ka pa mag-alo. We don't want me falling asleep in your arms now, do we? Haha.
Oh. Haha. Yeah.
Sorry again, for messing things up. I really am.
Oh, no worries.
So uhm, oh right! Yung papeles. Asan ba?
A— Ah. Here.
Okay. Final na?
Uh—
Chos! Ayan, tapos na. Hey look, you haven't signed yet. O, ballpen.
Nah, I’ll do it later. Ako na lang bahala magbigay kay Mrs. Padua. Balitaan kita bukas.
Sure?
Of course.
Ayos, ayos. O, pa’no ‘yan, una na ako?
I guess so.
Hey, okay. Any last words? For real this time.
...God, I can’t really think of anything, this is pretty on-the-spot.
Oh. That's okay. Sa tagal nu’ng sagot mo, akala ko bumubwelo ka na para makipagbalikan eh. Haha!
…
Shet, sorry, waley. Last na hirit na talaga ‘yon. Because it would be funny, right?
Right. Haha.
O, siya. Thank you, Ian Pangilinan. Bye!
Wait. Paolo!
Yes? Oh! Um… wow, haha. Ano 'to? Pambaong yakap?
Promise me something.
O, ano naman 'yan?
Promise me you'll be okay.
Ian—
Teka, hear me out. Paolo, I know that the last three months haven't been easy. Believe me, I know how tempting it is to just get back together. But let's not do that, okay? Let's not waste this. Wag natin sayangin yung lahat ng pinakawalan natin at lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman natin sa desisyon natin. Promise me that you'll be okay, that you'll still continue reaching for your dreams and you'll be happier.
Ang hirap naman ng hinihingi mo.
I know. God, I know.
Pa'no yung mga pangarap natin? Yung plinano nating gawin magkasama?
Kaya pa rin natin matupad 'yon. Maybe not together, but we can still accomplish them.
Alam mo konti na lang iisipin ko nang modus mo 'tong paiyakin mo ako at yakapin mo ako eh…
Pao, dali na.
As long as you're willing to promise me the same, Ian.
I am, I will.
Okay then. I promise.
Oh siya, tama na. Okay na 'yon, pwede na pambaon. Haha. Una na ko, a? Eto na talaga, final answer na.
Oo na. Last na 'yon. Kaya mo naman nang i-drive sarili mo, right? Despite being sleepy?
...Yeah, kaya ko na.
Okay.
Bye.
Pao?
Hmm?
Drive safe.