Work Text:
Traveler Con
BEAU
Jess says "Act your age."
You heard it man: look at the stage!
BEAU
Strum the harp, turn out the light
FOLLOWERS
Ain't nobody home tonight!
JESTER
Drink, smoke, it's all cool.
Let‘s hunt dicks made of jewel!
BEAU
Jump in the pit, start a fight!
Ain't nobody home tonight!
BEAU
Island‘s got a waterjet
You will enjoy the flight, bet?
BEAU
Let's rub each other's backs:
Help your cult, for Jester a pax!
ARTY + M9 + FOLLOWERS (Kent Plucker)
Traveler CON
it's time for big fun! Big fun!
We're up till dawn
having some big fun! Big fun!
Kent Plucker didn‘t forget
to bring the liquor cabinet,
it's big fun! Big fun!
CELIA
So wait, it's lime, then salt, then shot?
KENT
No, salt, then -
JESTER
You're doing it wrong!
CELIA
Wait, Really? 'Cause I feel great.
FJORD
Miss Sapphire, you‘re looking good tonight!
JESTER
Whoa.
I think Fjord smiled at me,
Even though I am not the sea!
TRAVELLER
Chaos, Party, Prepare the rite!
ain't nobody home tonight!
BEAU
Stoned. Zoned. I should quit...
Hey, is that suude? I want a hit.
FOLLOWERS
Fill that joint and roll it tight,
ain't nobody home tonight!
JESTER
Dreams are coming true
when people laugh but not at you!
I'm not alone! I'm not afraid!
I am glad that Arty stayed!
ARTAGAN + M9 + FOLLOWERS
Traveler CON
it's time for big fun!
Big fun!
Volcanotop trip,
that sounds like
big fun! Big fun!
Don‘t forget: bring your dicks!
TRAVELER
I am ready for the
last tricks!
ALL
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun!
TRAVELLER
I am so excited for -
ALL
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun!
JESTER
Alright people, listen up! For the Traveler, you have to throw your dicks into the volcano!
(JESTER throws a dick statue into the volcano)
JESTER
Got to make ’em fly
Just that motion!
ALL
Big fun! Big fun!
CELIA
Way to show devotion!
ALL
Big fun! Big fun!
(CELIA tries to remove the golden dick from her hand to throw into the volcano)
CELIA
Quit it you dick, get off of me!
ALL
Big fun! Big fun!
TRAVELLER
Yo! Beau! Emergency!
I think Celia is getting ready to jump in!
BEAU
Fuck Celia! Where is she? Hold on I‘ll be stopping you!...
BEAU
(to CELIA) You okay?
CELIA
I didn't need your help.
(CELIA gives BEAU a stink eye)
BEAU
Oh no. But normal people don‘t start running at volcano ledges.
ALL
Traveler Con, CON, CON!
It's time for big fun! Big fun!
TRAVELLER
After I‘ll need a shot!
ALL
We're having big fun! Big fun!
(THE MOONWEAVER/ AVATAR arrives at TravelerCON)
JESTER
The Moonweaver‘s avatar.
TRAVELER
Why, fuck this godsend bitch
I should -
THE MOONWEAVER/AVATAR
Shut up, Archfey.
TRAVELER
Sorry, Jester.
BEAU
Look who's with him -- Oh, my God!
(Points to JESTER hanging on to ARTAGAN/TRAVELER)
THE FOLLOWERS
Dang! Dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang-dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
TRAVELLER
I can't believe you actually came.
THE MOONWEAVER/AVATAR
Is it so strange, Fey? Excuse me, but your little party is done. I brought chains just for you.
THE MOONWAEVER/AVATAR
Using HER Name took some guts.
Time to rip them out.
(THE MOONWEAVER/AVATAR tightens the chains)
THE MOONWEAVER/AVATAR
So, who did you deceive Archfey?
Maybe this young tiefling girl?
JESTER
NO!
EVERYONE
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang!
THE MOONWEAVER/AVATAR
What the hell do you mean girl?
JESTER
He‘s nice. I was lonely then, but since he gave me his time, I‘m not anymore...
(Hugs ARTAGAN tighter)
ARTAGAN
Really? Why d‘you gotta be emotional?
I would only leave, if you wanted me to Jester.
(To THE MOONWEAVER/AVATAR)
Prison is no place for her!
Sorry Jester, was no promise!
(ARTAGAN kicks JESTER away, towards FJORD)
ALL
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang
Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Traveler CON
it's time for big fun! Big fun!
We're up till dawn
having some big fun! Big fun!
So the Fey grew a heart,
That will be a great story start.
Fey folks got no clue
‚bout all the shit the gods must do.
Why are we surprised?
Whenever they're unsupervised,
it's big fun! Big fun!
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun! Whooo!