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Hikaru was golden.
In some sense of the phrase, he was metaphorically a golden being, but while Rihito stared at him from the couch, the man was literally golden. His hair was glowing in the last grips of sunlight, and it tickled at his neck and around his jaw. His eyes were focused.
Hikaru was golden.
Rihito was not so golden-- he was tired, and felt the rust of metal beneath his skin. The time read out, in red letters, 20:09. The Sun had barely begun setting. The days were long in the heat of summer.
Somehow, as Hikaru continued in his golden state, Rihito felt weak and his bones grew heavy. His boyfriend’s heart beat too fast for him to hear sometimes. He returned to the bedroom before Hikaru could catch his eye.
His bed no longer felt comfortable, he realised as he tossed over a bit. He did not know how long his eyes stayed open, but he was aware enough to watch the shadows grow over the ceiling while the Sun slowly tucked itself away.
“Rihito?” he heard Hikaru’s voice murmur in the dark as the man stumbled over the floor. Rihito did not acknowledge the sound, or at least respond to it, and Hikaru felt for the bed until he smacked his knee loudly, followed by the bed dipping and Hikaru’s breath closer than before. “Are you still awake?”
Rihito did not respond. He was tired. He was exhausted. Hikaru was never tired, never exhausted, and if he showed the way his bones felt weak, he would not know how the gold would react to the rust.
Hikaru sighed a simple sigh, shuffling himself under the sheets, and Rihito felt a hand on his cheek. “What a shame, I didn’t get to say goodnight to you.”
Rihito felt a crack in the metal as Hikaru spoke-- always a goodnight, always an ‘I love you,’ because Hikaru was relentlessly in love with him.
“You seem tired lately,” Hikaru spoke to him, rubbing at his cheeks with his thumbs and pulling softly at the skin. “I wish you would sleep more.”
Rihito felt his breath hitch, and Hikaru’s hand faltered before it continued massaging down to his neck. “Rihito? Tell me if you're awake. I want to see your eyes.”
Rihito’s eyes were worn and dull. Rihito’s eyes were heavy and blurred. He peaked them open, and in the moonlight, he watched Hikaru crack a purely genuine smile. Rihito felt like crying.
“Hi, love. Are you feeling okay?”
Hikaru’s hand was warm, comforting, and ran down his back and slipped through his shirt to bring him closer. His fingers tickled at his skin, lightly, and then massaged deeper into the skin to warm it. Rihito shook his head, his mouth unable to create the words he wanted to speak.
Hikaru rubbed their noses together, and Rihito faintly recognized the smell of tea. He pecked at Rihito’s cheek, always affectionate, too much for his heart. “Can I kiss you?”
Rihito nodded. It was as if Hikaru had to be gentle-- maybe he did. But Rihito did not want Hikaru to ask all the time. Rihito did not want Hikaru to have to be careful with him. He was strong enough to handle what he took.
Hikaru’s lips felt softer than his fingers, and the urge to cry was hushed away as he sighed into Hikaru’s touch. He missed Hikaru’s touch-- he missed the hands that held him so tenderly and his lips that cherished him so secretly, that even Rihito did not know the emotions they held.
He missed Hikaru.
“I don’t want you to leave again,” Rihito whispered. Hikaru faltered once more. This time, his hand slowly removed itself from Rihito’s back.
“Rihito. I’m not going to leave you--” Hikaru struggled with his words, and dread filled his fingertips. “I’m not going to leave. I’ll only be gone shortly. I’ll always come back.”
Rihito shook his head numbly.
He rarely saw Hikaru anymore-- he rarely got to have these moments with him, to see him as a human. To not have to admire him like a piece of gold in a window, something he could not afford.
“You’ll only be here for another week. And you’ll go again.” You’ll leave again.
Hikaru shook at Rihito’s shoulders lightly. “I’m not leaving! When you put it that way, it makes that sound so much worse. We have a full week, Rihito. And then I will... go. For a little bit. And then I’ll come back.”
Rihito did not respond.
“Soon,” Hikaru said sternly. “Soon, we won’t have to do this, and I can hold you every single night you’d like me to. Just a little bit longer, darling.”
Hikaru was nowhere near giving him. Despite the Moon rising steadily, higher into the sky, as if about to fall off its precipice, Hikaru did not hold him any weaker or look at him any less lovingly than he always had. Rihito felt his shoulders relax as if forced down by the horribly warm hands that held him so sweetly.
Hikaru’s grin widened.
Somehow, Rihito felt himself giggling in the empty head of his, and the giddy sense of love he once felt when he was young rekindled. It had never left, only burnt out throughout the days spent alone.
But Hikaru was gold, and the Sun shone so brightly on him in the morning that Rihito felt his whole face aflame. Hikaru was still asleep, silent for once-- he had stopped snoring when he turned twenty-two.
His hair was a mess-- a liquid pool of aurous-- and Rihito felt as if he would lose himself if he touched it.
So he carded his fingers through Hikaru’s thick hair, brushing it away from the side of his face and ghosting his fingers over sharp cheekbones and closed eyes. Rihito was unsure whether to kiss him or not. It was so tempting to be impossibly closer to his lover, to relish in the feeling of solace hidden in his breathing. But Hikaru was so peaceful asleep, so unaware and undesiring of answers to questions that did not exist nor matter.
“Goodmorning,” Hikaru mumbled, and Rihito’s heart froze as the eyelashes fluttered open to reveal little pockets of stars. “Did you sleep okay last night?”
Rihito felt his heartbeat once more, slowly, and then faster as it thawed out. Hikaru’s eyes squinted before he closed them again, reaching blindly for Rihito’s waist to hold him.
“See? I’m still here,” Hikaru spoke.
Then Rihito actually cried, bringing himself into Hikaru’s open arms and his chest. Now, he could hear Hikaru’s heart, beating slowly and to the rhythm of his own.
The Sun hesitated to set that day.
The Sun did not want to set. The Moon did not want to rise.
But Hikaru held Rihito, kissed Rihito, loved Rihito--
The Sun and the Moon were of no importance when Hikaru and Rihito knew how easy it was to close the blinds.