Chapter Text
When leaving Sanditon in his search for Georgiana, Sidney’s temper was maybe not the most optimal for a ride to London. His disappointment with Miss Heywood unsettled him, and he could not shake the feeling of betrayal as he learned that she had gone behind his back in regards to Georgiana. It unnerved him that it bothered him so much and setting of, he took out all his frustration with the woman in question on the poor horse, driving him way to hard. Consequently, two hours into the ride he realized that the horse soon needed a rest if he were to even be able to continue. He diverted from the London road in search of a village to feed and water the horse and almost immediately after he turned, his eyes fell upon a woman dressed in a coat he thought looked familiar, walking by the wayside. When reaching her, he realized who he had come upon.
“Miss Heywood!” he blurted out. “What are you doing here?!”
Charlotte froze in her tracks and closed her eyes; she would recognize that voice anywhere and it was not a welcome intrusion right now. Of course he would come upon her in her current state. She quickly dried her eyes from tears, clenched her jaw, and slowly turned and looked up at him.
“Mr. Parker”, she got out, almost without a tremble in here voice. Her tears still burning in her eyes from the shock of the events in the coach.
His eyes were digging into hers and her breath caught in here throat. She could see a mixture of anger, frustration, and confusion.
“What are you doing out her by yourself?” the tone of his voice indicating that his anger with her was far from over.
She averted her eyes, looking down at her feet, not wanting to reveal her distressed state to him. Taking a deep breath, she steadied her voice and answered him.
“If you must know, I was heading to London to try to assist in finding Georgiana” she blurted out.
“By foot?” He couldn’t stop the smirk that displayed on his lips and she gave him a smoldering look in return.
“Of course not! I took the London coach.”
Looking around him, as if trying to spot the coach in question, his gaze returned to her again with a questioning look in his eyes, and one of his eyebrows slightly raised.
Still feeling quite upset and distressed, and now also quite angry at his arrogance, Charlotte let out a sigh, turned around and continued to walk in the direction she was headed before he had come upon her. Sidney let out a deep breath, rolled his eyes and slowly dismounted his horse and followed her in a slow pace, being careful in keeping his distance. Not saying anything for a couple of minutes, as he could feel that she was quite upset, and he did not want to aggravate her state further.
“Miss Heywood?” he tried after a while, gaining no reaction. “Miss Heywood?!” he tried again, a little more forceful this time.
“Why are you not ON the London coach if that is the case?” he questioned, with a little more frustration than he’d planned.
She stopped in her tracks, taking a deep breath in and clasping her hands together. She contemplated if she should divulge the reason for here being on the road and if so, how much she would say. She decided on a half-truth.
“Well, if you must know, I was not very fond of the company and decided to get off and wait for the next one” she said in a low voice and started walking again.
Sidney looked at here questionably and decided not to press the issue any further, for the time being anyway. The sun was settling quite rapidly and there was a more pressing issue to deal with. They were still out in the middle of nowhere, and at the pace they were going it would take them at least two hours to reach some sort of civilization. He contemplated how he would approach the issue as they continued their somewhat unhurried stroll down the road, she in front and him trailing behind leading his horse. After a while he could feel that her temper had calmed down a bit and he tried his luck.
“Miss Heywood?” he shouted to get her attention “The sun is going down, and we really ought to hurry up and get to a village quite soon. We would not want to be out here on the road in the dark” He continued, hoping to get through to her without starting another argument.
“You are quite welcome to set off, Mr. Parker, please don’t feel that you have any obligation to keep me company” She spat out, clearly, he had misinterpreted her state of mind.
Sidney looked at here like she’d completely lost her mind. As a gentleman, and her being a gentleman’s daughter, there was no way that he could ever leave her to her faith all alone in the middle of nowhere.
“Don’t be a fool Miss Heywood! Tom and Mary would have me hung if they heard that I had left you to your own means in this place.”
Charlotte, now a bit more poised and collected, looked back at him, then briefly looked at his horse before speaking.
“And how, Mr. Parker, do you suggest that we get to a village in a more hurried pace? From what I can see, we have one horse at our disposal.”
Sidney rolled his eyes and took a deep breath; this woman could really hit a nerve with him. Here he was trying to do the right thing by her, and yet she could still not keep the sarcastic tone out of her voice. He was growing quite sick of the whole thing and right now he was also quite annoyed with himself for not choosing his carriage when he set of.
“Well, Miss Heywood, I would offer him to you, but that would not get us there any quicker, would it… so I guess we will just have to share him” he said, not missing the short intake of breath from Charlotte as he said it. She seemed quite anxious at the notion of sharing a horse with him, and he could not help himself in feeling a little content in making her unsettled.
“Now, Miss Heywood, let’s get a move on”.
Sidney mounted his horse again and positioned himself so that he could assist her in doing the same, leaving the stirrup for here to use and extending his hand for her to hold on to. He raised a questioning eyebrow when she hesitated. She looked at him quite distressed, fiddling with the fabric of here gloves for a bit, but then decided to just do as she was told, which quite shocked him. She handed him her small bag, which he fastened at the back of the saddle and then he swiftly got her up on the horse and scooted backwards a bit to leave room between them so they could keep some sort of decorum.
Charlotte was not that accustomed to ride side saddle, especially not when the saddle was not equipped for it, but her dress gave room for little else and she tried her best to arrange herself so that the dress covered her legs in an appropriate way, leaning into Sidney to get it right. As she did, Charlotte could feel Sidney’s breath on her neck and could feel goosebumps down her neck and down her arms. Shuddering a bit from the feeling, Sidney mistook it as her being chilled.
“Are you cold, Miss Heywood?” he asked, clearing his throat before he could get the words out. Her closeness affecting him in a way he was not prepared for and not that comfortable with.
“No, not at all, I’m quite alright” came a soft answer from Charlotte.
She put her hands on the pommel of the saddle and Sidney positioned his arms around her holding on to the reins, being careful not to touch her more than necessary. They set of in a slow pace at first to let the horse adjust to the two of them in the saddle, but even at this pace Sidney had a hard time keeping distance between them and continuously kept sliding right up to Charlotte's back. Scooting back for the fourth time in just 10 minutes, Charlotte could feel his frustration. They were never to pick up pace at this rate.
“It’s fine, Mr. Parker” Charlotte said, a little frustrated, hoping he would get her meaning, not wanting to clarify it any further. He seemed to understand, and she could soon feel him relax against her back. If his outer demeanor was one of control and calm, his insides where far from it. He could not fully accept the effect Miss Heywood’s closeness had on him and he tried his best to keep his emotions in check by trying to clasp on to his initial disturbance and irritation with the woman, with little luck.
Being literally in the arms of Mr. Sidney Parker also ignited a feeling in Charlotte that she was not accustomed to. Her stomach felt unsettled, like a million butterflies had taken habitat there. She also noticed her breaths coming in short strokes and her heart racing a bit. Writing it down to being on a horse but not being in control of it she tried to steady her breathing and heart rate as much as she could.
“Hold on, Miss Heywood” Sidney whispered in her ear as he urged the horse into a small trot, giving her yet another set of goosebumps, this time all over her body.
At this pace, Charlotte's grip of the pommel was hard to uphold, and she leaned more and more into Sidney to try to steady herself and not fall of.
There was little conversation as both were fully occupied with keeping their balance and keeping a reign of the onslaught of emotions generated from being in such close proximity to one another. Sidney’s chin was just above Charlotte's right shoulder and if she would have just turned her head slightly to the right, she would have been inches from his face… so she didn’t. She had never been this close to a man before and she felt highly uncomfortable.
After a while they fell into a steady pace and both relaxed a little, making Sidney come to think of the reason they were here in the first place… Georgiana.
He broke the silence “Tell me, Miss Heywood, in which capacity did you think you could assist in finding Georgiana?”
Feeling like a complete fool for actually now delaying him in his quest to find his ward, Charlotte winched and wasn’t really sure what to answer. She had just felt so responsible for the whole mess and had wanted to help any way she could. She could fell Sidney tilting his head down to look at her, waiting for an answer, his eyes fixed on the side of her face. It took all her strength to keep her face facing forward.
“I know of Mr. Molyneux’s address, I thought that could be of help, perhaps” she finally answered quietly. “I am also aware of a club to which he goes that is called the sons of Africa, maybe they could help us tracking him down.”
Sidney looked down at her with bewilderment and contemplated this new information, already starting to draft up a plan for his next move. Having Miss Heywood to look after during the trip to London certainly would delay him in his travels so he decided to send an express message to Babington as soon as they reached a village, asking him to check out the address and the club already tomorrow. That would save them a lot of time.
“Thank you miss Heywood, that actually might be of help” Sidney heard himself say, having a hard time admitting to himself that Charlotte in fact could had just provided him with a most significant piece of information.
Suddenly Charlotte shifted slightly in her seat, rubbing her back against his inner thigh, sending a jolt all through Sidney’s body, making him react in ways that was far from appropriate in his current position. He acted immediately by trying to distance himself from her, making the equilibrium shift and forcing Charlotte to grab hold of both his arms to not fall of the horse.
“I beg you pardon, Miss Heywood” Sidney exclaimed “My fault…”
It was rapidly getting dark now and they could see the light from some houses ahead of them. Both feeling anxious to get of the horse as soon as possible, Sidney picked up the pace a bit and shortly after, they reach the outskirts of a village. Or, Village was a strong word Sidney thought, as they rode in. It was more like a couple of houses sharing a common square in the middle. He could not see an inn or any other establishment where they could spend the night. His horse was in dire need of food and water, and he himself could also feel hunger creeping up on him. Charlotte too felt quite famished and started to fidget in her seat, making Sidney yet again move backwards, not wanting to repeat the mistake from earlier. He abruptly halted the horse, jumped of and tied it to a fence. Looking up at Charlotte, he extended both arms to assist her of the horse. She hesitated but eventually reached for him and slid of right into his arms.
It was a strange feeling having had Charlotte so close the last couple of hours, Sidney thought. She affected him in ways he was not prepared for. Standing now, with here in his arms he may have held on a fraction longer that appropriate but let go as soon as a woman from one of the houses approached them.
Charlotte on the other hand was feeling quite flustered as a result of the afternoons events. She was a bundle of nerves again and had a hard time finding her bearing’s. When the woman approached them Charlotte immediately dislodged herself from Sidney’s embrace and met the woman halfway.
“Welcome, welcome, my name is Mrs. Lodge. What is a fine young couple such as yourself doing out on a horse, this late in the evening?” the woman said to Charlotte as Sidney was occupied with unfastening Charlotte's bag, only listening in on the conversation with one ear.
“Good evening, nice to make your acquaintance Mrs. Lodge.” Charlotte answered “This is Mr. Sidney Parker and my name is Charlotte H…” She continued but was abruptly interrupted by Sidney finishing of her sentence.
“… Parker, Mrs. Charlotte Parker.” Looking intently at Charlotte trying to convey to here to keep silent. Charlotte was confused as to his sudden interruption, and her new surname, but uncharacteristically stayed quiet for the time being.
“Well met Mrs. Lodge” Sidney continued. “We are on our way to London and got a bit sidetracked. Is there any possibility to get room and board anywhere near here, and to water and feed my horse perhaps?” Sidney asked. “Neither me nor my wife would be able to continue our journey for much longer without a rest, I fear.”
At the word wife, Charlotte's head shot up, her big innocent, but slightly panicked, eyes searching Sidney’s for an explanation. He could see the confusion but swiftly looked away ignoring Charlotte's questioning look.
“Why, yes of course sir, I am happy to take you in, and you can bring your horse to my stable and the stable hand will tend to him.” Mrs. Lodge answered. “Please follow me and I will get you settled, and then you can tend to your horse”.
Mrs. Lodge turned around leading the way back to her house and Sidney followed, placing a hand on Charlotte's lower back as he passed her and ushering her to accompany him. Charlotte, still puzzled by Sidney’s answer to Mrs. Lodge, looked up at him as they went along and tried to understand his motive for presenting her as his wife. Once indoors they were shown to a small guest room right of the hallway. There was a double bed and a dresser with a washstand, but hardly anything else could fit in the room.
“Please make yourself at home and I will have a late dinner served for you in a little while.” Mrs. Lodge instructed and closed the door on her way out.
Standing awkwardly looking at each other, Charlotte started to remove her gloves, bonnet and coat, letting the obvious question hang in the air for a while longer, but finally, she mustered the courage.
“Why did you introduce me as you wife, Mr. Parker? Surely there was no call for that?” Charlotte asked with a hint of uncertainty and annoyance in her voice.
Sidney looked quite surprised at the young lady that time and time again had proven herself to have quite the head on her shoulders. Did she really not understand the implications of them riding together at night, with no chaperone in sight.
“Do you really not see the problem with us arriving as we did, at this hour and not being a married couple, Miss Heywood?” He looked at her stunned.” I was only trying to save us from having to answer to a number of questions and avoid judgments.” Sidney said, keeping his voice down. “You will be back to your normal Miss Heywood again as soon as we leave here in the morning.” He continued, gracing her with a tense smile.
Charlotte kept quiet, mulling over his reasoning… Very well, she could be Mrs. Parker for now she thought, agreeing silently with him, that it was probably the best solution.
Sidney turned to place his bag on the dresser and as he looked though what little luggage he had packed, he remembered his plan to send an express to Babington asking for his assistance. He excused himself to Charlotte and went out in search of Mrs. Lodge. She informed him that there was no possibility to send an express from this location, but she would be happy to let her stable hand deliver it to the nearest delivery point tonight. Sidney quickly went back to the guest room to enquirer Charlotte for the address to Mr. Molyneux and found her sitting on the bed looking quite disheveled. It had been a long day, starting of with their argument this morning, and apparently things were starting to catch up with her. Upon hearing him enter, she swiftly turned her head to hide the tears on her cheeks.
He approached her, much like you would approach an injured animal, slowly and with great care not to startle her.
“Are you alright Miss Heywood?”
“No… I mean yes… or no … I beg your pardon, it’s been an eventful day, Mr Parker, I feel quite out of sorts.” Charlotte stuttered, tears still rolling down her cheeks. She made no effort of hiding them anymore.
Sidney slowly sat down on the bed, not wanting to scare her. Charlotte was clasping her hand together in her lap and Sidney resisted the urge to place his hand on top of hers to steady her. They just sat there in silence for what felt like the longest of time. Sidney, not accustomed to young ladies in distress, did not know how to handle the situation, but his long built up anger with her soon transferred to concern and he was eager to resolve her worry. Charlotte's breathing eventually slowed down and her tears had stopped falling quite a while ago when Sidney cleared his throat.
“What did happen on the coach, Miss Heywood?” he asked quietly.
He let the silence surround them, waiting for her to find the courage to tell him what had happened.
Charlotte fixed her gaze on her hands fidgeting in her lap. Still feeling embarrassed and unsure of what to divulge to Sidney regarding the incident, she took a deep breath steadying herself. Sidney gave her a reassuring look to encourage her to speak.
“Hrm…. Well, I kind of dosed of on the coach and, uhm, when I woke up I….” she trailed of
“Yes?” Sidney bent his head down a little, trying to catch her gaze, but Charlotte avoided his prying eyes, sure she would not be able to finish if she looked into them, feeling to embarrassed over the situation.
“I… uhm… I felt a hand moving up on my uhm…. leg” Charlotte squeezed her eyes shut and waited for Sidney’s reaction. The room was silent for a long time. She could feel his whole body tightening beside her and when she finally opened her eyes to meet his, she saw anger and fury in them. Being so used to being on the receiving end of his rage she braced herself for yet another tongue lashing.
“My word, Miss Heywood...” Sidney trailed of. He felt an intense rage inside but tried his best to control himself as not to startle Charlotte.
“What happened next?” He encouraged her to continue with a tense voice.
Felling slightly less worried that he was turning his anger towards her, she took a deep breath and continued.
“I screamed, which made him remove his hand and the coach to stop, and then I slapped him and jumped out of the coach.” She shrugged. “And then you showed up” She looked up at him, giving him a very small, but thankful, smile. He returned it, but with a small worried frown present.
“And after that, I obliged you to practically sit on my lap on our ride over here…” he shook his head, feeling ever so thoughtless.
“Oh, it is quite alright, Mr. Parker.”
“No, it is not, I hope it did not further increase your discomfort?” Sidney said, looking down at the floor.
“It did not, I assure you, I felt quite safe with you.” Charlotte answered, quite baffled over this new somewhat caring side of him.
There was a gentle knock at the door, and Sidney abruptly stood up, feeling that the whole situation had become way to intimate and feeling a need to distance himself. Mrs. Lodge spoke from the other side of the door.
“Excuse me Mr. Parker, my stable hand is ready to deliver that note you asked for.”
Sidney put one hand on his hip and ran his other hand through his hair. When seeing Charlotte in her devastated state he had completely forgotten about the note. He cleared his throat.
“Miss Heywood, could you please write down Mr. Molyneux’s address for me? And the name of the club he attends?”
“Yes of course, Mr. Parker”
Charlotte wrote it down and Sidney wrote a letter explaining everything to Babington. He opened the door and handed the note to Mrs. Lodge and followed her outside to tend to his horse. Charlotte took her bag of the bed, placed it on the dresser, and busied herself with unpacking, realizing that she should have packed far more than she had. She had hardly calculated with an overnight stay on her trip to London. Her mind wandered to her travel companion, and his changed demeanor. This new side of Mr. Parker had her questioning her assumptions of him. He seemed genuinely concerned about her welfare and that was a surprising discovery. As she was finishing up Mrs. Lodge once again knocked on the door, announcing their dinner and waking Charlotte from her contemplations.
They ate in silence, both busy with their own thoughts. Charlotte's mind was preoccupied with sorting out the reign of emotions that she had gone through during the day, every now and then casting a glance at Sidney, yet again mulling over the different side she had seen of him. Sidney’s mind was mostly preoccupied with thought of Georgiana and what to do going forward.
After dinner bedtime was approaching, presenting them with yet another awkward situation.
Sidney cleared his throat as they entered the guest room. “Ahem, I guess we should address the sleeping arrangements, should we not?” he said with a questioning look her way.
Charlotte's nerves were in a bundle, and after a dinner thinking of nothing but Sidney’s new demeanor and her reaction to his close presence, she was flustered and, yet again, a little annoyed.
“Well, if you hadn’t introduced us as a married couple in the first place, we wouldn’t have a problem, now would we, Mr. Parker." she spat out. Making Sidney almost take a step back. This hot and cold business of Miss Heywood was making it hard for him to find a bearing. He could feel the fury once again awaken inside of him.
“For the sake of YOUR reputation, I didn’t have much of a choice, now did I!” His voice low and angry. “Let’s not forget who put us in this situation in the first place.” He shot her an angry look.
“I was quite fine on my own, there was no need for you to escort me here.” Charlotte argued, not really believing that herself…
“For god’s sake! Are you really that naïve?” Sidney exclaimed.
Charlotte knew he was right but could not accept defeat just yet. “Argh! We wouldn’t have been in this situation at all if you had just told me about Mr. Molyneux, and what you feared could happen!” she spat out. Trying to rectify her actions to both of them.
“I was abundantly clear about my feelings regarding Mr. Molyneux, so do not put this on me!” Sidney was now shouting, completely furious with her. This infuriating woman!
Charlotte could feel that she was fighting a losing battle. It WAS her fault that they were in this predicament, and she knew it.
“Fine! Let’s just sleep!” Charlotte closed the subject feeling exhausted and with no energy to fight anymore. She climbed into bed fully clothed, got under the covers, laid down and turned her back on him, where he was stood at the door.
“Fine…” Sidney looked around the room and took a deep breath, running his hand though his hair, not really knowing what to do with himself. There was nowhere for him to go really, no chair to sit in. Not even enough room on the floor for him to lay down, so he slowly turned, put his hand om the door handle and was about to leave the room.
“I will go out to the stables to lay down, I will see you in the morning, miss Heywood.” He said, with a low voice.
Charlotte half turned towards him, the guilt over the situation rapidly catching up with her. She took a beep breath.
“No need to leave on my account, I’m sure we will both fit in this bed, with plenty of room in between us.” Charlotte said with a calmer voice. “No need for decorum, Mr Parker, that ship has long sailed between us, I fear.”
Sidney hesitated. Would he dare to share a bed with Miss Heywood? What could the ramifications of that be? Seeing no other option really, and not wanting to sleep in the stables he reluctantly accepted her offer.
“Fine… but needless to say, all events during this trip will stay between us, not to ever be mentioned to anyone else” Sidney said, with emphasis, as he took of his boots, jacket and vest and climbed into his side of the bed, turning his back on her and laying as far out on the edge as possible. “Should word get out of any of this, we would be forced to marry… and given your very passionate speech regarding marriage at Lady Denham’s luncheon I would hate to subject you to that.”
Charlotte was a little taken aback by his comment and quite surprised he remembered that.
“Well, do you not agree with me that a marriage should be based on love?” Charlotte said, her annoyance with him still lingering.
“I suppose, Miss Heywood… but I myself have no thoughts on marriage at all actually.” He said with a stern voice. “I don’t see myself ever marry, really.”
Charlotte looked over her shoulder, with a questioning look in her eyes. Sidney had turned his head towards her as well and held her gaze and she could not look away, her heart beating hard in her chest. Eventually Sidney broke the gaze and blew out the last candle in the room, sending it into complete darkness. She could hear him letting out a deep sigh. The silence fell and Charlotte started to fiddle with the cover, a little nervous as to how to proceed from here.
“I guess we will have to make an early start tomorrow, Mr. Parker, if we want to get to Georgiana in time” She said, trying to change the subject.
“Yes, Miss Heywood, we certainly should” He sounded tired “Although, I have sent word to Babington asking for his help in checking out Mr. Molyneux’s address and the club. If we are lucky, we will get word from him before we leave tomorrow.” Sidney said, feeling totally drained of all energy.
They room fell silent again. It was a strange feeling sharing a bed with your, somewhat, nemesis. Not really feeling tired enough to succumb to sleep just yet, Charlotte returned to their previous subject.
“So… why don’t you think you’ll ever marry, Mr. Parker?” Charlotte asked silently, not really knowing where her courage came from, asking such an intimate question.
Sidney took an unsteady breath. “Well… Miss Heywood…., I was once engaged, and let’s just say that it didn’t end well. So I feel no urge to ever go down that road again… truly.”
“Oh…” Charlotte felt thoughtless for pressing the subject, but now understood the comments from Mary regarding Sidney’s past.
“Yes, I was not my best self after that ordeal, and would not want to end up there once more.” Sidney sounded defeated and Charlotte felt sorry for him.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Parker, I was not aware.”
“No matter, it was a long time ago.” Sidney said with a yawn “Let us sleep, Miss Heywood, it has been a long day.”
“Yes, indeed, goodnight Mr. Parker.”
Charlotte received no answer, as her bed companion had already dosed of. She took the opportunity to loosen her stays a little, making her able to sleep more comfortable.