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“Where is Ezra?” I demanded shrilly. “Give him back, Eterran!”
His mouth twisted.
“Give him back!” Tears spilled down my cheeks. “Give Ezra back right now! He’s there! You’re suppressing him again, but he’s still— he’s still there.”
For the first time in any of our interactions, Eterran broke eye contact with me. He looked away, but I’d already seen his pity.
“No!” I seized his face and forced his gaze back to mine. “If you want out of that body, Eterran, you’ll bring Ezra back! Right now! Bring him back and I swear I’ll free you!”
He considered me in silence, pain and exhaustion and things I couldn’t name swirling in that pale eye.
“I want freedom,” he whispered, a guttural accent tinging his words, “more than I want this body. I will try.”
He closed his eyes. His jaw tightened, muscles tensing beneath me, and he drew in a deep breath. Released it. Breathed in again. I couldn’t breathe at all, still holding his cheeks, his skin icy under my chilled fingers.
A moment passed, and then another. Tears were streaming down my face, but I didn’t notice.
Gravel crunch nearby. Voices, how many? I didn’t pay attention.
Ezra, please
There were flashes and explosions nearby, but it wasn’t important.
Ezra?
Eventually his eyes opened. Faint red glow, determination, pity. No.
“NO!” My voice was hoarse, I slammed both fists into his chest. “NO!”
“Let me go,” Eterran’s voice said through the body of the man I love. The man I would never have the chance to love. The man I would have done everything in my power to save. He couldn’t be gone. How could he be gone? How was this possible?
“Tori, let me go,” Eterran said again. He was stirring under my hands. “I will leave. Disappear. Let me go and I will not bring you harm.”
My thoughts were scattered. Let him leave? Let Eterran take Ezra’s body and leave?
I looked at the demon, a fog was gathering around me, swallowing everything. Let Eterran leave….
Eterran was already sitting up, already pushing up, already…
Ezra would not have wanted this. I couldn’t save him, but I could do one more thing, one last act of love.
I reached for Eterran’s hip. Varvara hadn’t disarmed him when she took him. Now I pulled one of his swords out of its sheath and plunged it into Ezra’s chest.
Eterran watched me. Why hadn’t he stopped me? There was blood spilling through his mouth.
I let go of the hilt and Ezra’s body fell back. I sat in front of the body, watched the blood pooling around it. I couldn’t even pretend he was just asleep.
I closed my eyes and felt my way to Ezra’s side. Then I curled up next to him, my head on his shoulder, his arm around me.
“I love you,” I told him.
***
“Tori?” was that my name?
“Tori,” the voice again. It was gravely and raspy. Did I know them? I didn’t feel anything.
“Tori, please answer me.”
“Leave,” another voice. I didn’t recognize this one. Something felt wrong. Was I speaking? “Leave and never come back.”
The other voice didn’t speak again.
***
There was so much noise. So many voices. I think someone was touching me.
“Tori? Tori, please,” more voices. Was that my name? Why were they saying it so much? There was no one here anymore. I was alone.
Something grabbed me and tried to pull me away.
Away.
Away from what?
Ezra, I remembered. They wanted to take me away from Ezra.
I tried to hold on. I couldn’t leave him. He was so alone. He was scarred, I couldn’t leave him.
“Tori, I’ve got you,” voices. What did they want? Didn’t they know I couldn’t leave him.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” I knew this voice. The owner of this voice touched me, or was it someone else? I felt warmth. Someone was touching me again. I was lifted? “I’ve got you.” That voice again. I could trust that voice. I drifted.
***
I was sitting in a room. I think I remembered what rooms where. There was a table and chairs. Other people were in the room with me. They looked at me and at each other.
I didn’t really know where the room was. Was it important to know where rooms were? I didn’t know the people either. Were people important? I couldn’t tell them apart.
Some of the people would come up to me. They would say things and I would look at them. They kept saying ‘Tori’. What does ‘Tori’ mean? I couldn’t remember.
Someone with a lot of hair sat next to me. “Hey,” they said.
I looked at the person.
“Do you know who I am?” the person asked.
No, I didn’t. I kept looking. The person didn’t leave.
“Do you remember how to nod?” they asked. I didn’t know what ‘to nod’ was. They must have understood. “When I move my head up and down, like this,” they showed me. “It means ‘yes’. Can you do that?”
I moved my head like they showed me.
Their mouth pulled open. I could see their teeth. “If you move your head from side to side, like this,” they showed me. “It means ‘no’. Can you do that?”
I moved my head from side to side.
They touched my arm, I jumped away and they took their hand back. “I apologize. I won’t touch you again.” They put their hand back near their legs. “Do you understand when I talk to you?”
I nodded my head like they showed me.
Other people had moved closer.
“Can I show you one more thing?” the person next to me said.
I looked back at them. I nodded.
They lifted their hand. “This means ‘stop’. Can you lift your hand?”
I looked at my hands, laying on my legs. My fingers twitched. I remembered holding the sword. I remember plunging the sword into Ezra’s chest.
Blood. So much blood.
***
I was sitting in a room. I think I remembered what rooms where. There was a table and chairs. Other people were in the room with me. They looked at me and at each other.
I didn’t really know where the room was. Was it important to know where rooms were? I didn’t know the people either. Were people important? I couldn’t tell them apart.
“Hey,” someone sat in a chair next to me. They were dark, not much hair. They were looking at me.
I looked back.
“Do you know who I am?” they asked.
I turned my head from side to side. Someone once told me it meant ‘no’.
A breath escaped the other person. “Do you remember how to nod?”
I moved my head up and down. Someone once told me it meant ‘yes’.
“There are people who want to ask you questions. Do you know what that means?”
I moved my head up and down.
“Can you answer the questions?”
I moved my head up and down. I wandered if it would make me dizzy.
“When you don’t want to answer any more, just turn around. Do you know how?”
I looked at the person, then turned my head from side to side.
They moved their shoulders and head in the direction of the wall to my left, then returned. “Show me how you do that.”
I moved my shoulders and head to look to the left, then returned.
They nodded, then they stood and went to sit in another chair.
Someone else sat in the chair next to me. This person was bright.
“Hey,” they reached out with their hand to me, but someone else said, “Don’t touch her.”
I looked at the hand. The person took it back.
“Hey,” they said again. “Do you know who I am?” The voice sounded familiar. I remembered feeling warm. I remembered that this was okay.
I touched his hand with mine.
The person drew a breath. “Do you remember me?”
I nodded. “Safe. Warm.” My throat hurt.
There was noise. People moving. I snatched my hand back. Was I wrong?
“Stay with me,” they said. “I’ve got you. It’s okay. I’ve got you.” They lifted their hand to me but didn’t touch me.
I looked at the hand. What did that mean? They didn’t say.
The room was quiet again. Someone brought a chair and sat next to me. They were different, Dark.
“What about me?” they said. “Do you remember me?” This voice was safe too.
I looked at them. I nodded.
The dark one put their hand in the bright one’s hand. “I won’t touch you if you don’t want. But I’ve got you too. We both do.”
I reached out for their hand. Three hands.
I looked up. I looked around the room. Where was…?
Ezra was on the ground. Ezra had a sword in his chest. Ezra in a pool of blood. Ezra…
***
I was sitting in a room. I didn’t really know where the room was. Was it important to know where rooms were? There were people in the room with me. I didn’t know the people either. Were people important? I couldn’t tell them apart.
Someone sat in a chair next to me. They were dark.
“Can I talk with you?” they asked.
I nodded. Someone once told me it meant ‘yes’.
“Thank you. Do you remember me?”
I shook my head. Someone once told me it meant ‘no’.
“I know it’s hard,” they said. “But we need you to tell us what happened.”
I nodded.
“Can you tell me your name?”
I looked at them. My name?
“Just ask her where the druid is,” a voice said. It was harsh. I didn’t like it. I pulled away.
“Get away from her immediately,” another voice.
I tried to pull back. I had nowhere to go.
The person next to me was hissing. The voices behind them were harsh and overwhelming. I turned my shoulders and head to the left. It meant that they would stop, right?
***
I was sitting in a room. I didn’t really know where the room was. Was it important to know where rooms were? There were people in the room with me. I didn’t know the people either. Were people important? I couldn’t tell them apart.
Someone bright sat in the chair next to me.
“I came to see you,” they said. I knew this voice.
I nodded. “Warm. Safe.”
They made a noise in their chest. “I’m Aaron. Can you say ‘Aaron’?”
“Aaron,” I tried.
They looked at me. Their face was moving. I didn’t know what it meant.
“I need to talk to you about what happened, okay?” ‘Aaron’ said.
I nodded.
“I’ve got you. Remember I’m here, okay?”
I nodded.
“Do you know where Zak is?”
I looked at him. Zak?
They pulled a hand over their face then looked at me. “Do you remember who Varvara was?”
Anger exploded through me at the name. I curled my hands into fists and barred my teeth at them.
They pulled back from me. “Okay. I’ll take that as a ‘yes’. Can you tell me what happened to her?”
“He fought her, then he killed her. I didn’t pay attention. She is dead.”
There were noises around the room. Someone came to stand next to ‘Aaron’ but not close to me.
“What did ‘he’ do after he killed her?” ‘Aaron’ asked.
“He left. I –“ my voice cracked.
They grabbed my hands. I let them. “You’ll feel better after you talk about it. Tori, please. We can’t lose you too.”
I nodded. I let them hold my hands.
“Look at me,” there was something happening to their voice. “Please.”
I looked up at their face. Their eyes were so blue. They were so expressive. I could always tell what he was thinking. There was pain in them now. Aaron was hurting. I needed to stop him hurting. I needed to help him.
“I’m here,” I said. “I’ve got you.”
Aaron made a choking sound in his throat. His hands were clutching mine. “It’s been so long, Tori. This is the first time that I can see you’re looking back.”
I pulled my hands from his, Aaron let me. I waited a second, then reached out and hugged him. He wrapped me in his arms. I don’t remember starting to cry, but he held me as sobs rocked my whole being.
“He’s gone,” I whispered into Aaron’s shirt. “He’s gone.”
“I know,” he whispered back. “I know.”
***
Aaron held my hand. We were sitting side by side and another person was sitting behind a desk in front of us.
I was still having difficulties with recognizing people. I was far from okay.
The other person laced their hands on their desk and regarded me. “Are you sure you’re up to it?”
I nodded. “I can do it.”
Aaron squeezed my hand. “Elisabetta said that if we ask her narrow questions, it would be easier for her.”
The person nodded. “Alright.” They turned to me. “What is your name?”
“Tori Dawson,” I replied.
“What date is it today?”
I frowned. “I don’t know.”
“What was the date of the attack on Varvara?”
“January twentieth.”
The person nodded. “I won’t ask you to describe the whole fight. But you need to tell me how it ended.”
I nodded. Aaron squeezed my hand again.
“Who killed Ezra?”
“Varvara,” I didn’t hesitate.
Aaron’s hand tightened around mine.
“Varvara took one of Ezra’s swords and stabbed him with it?” the person asked.
I shook my head. “I did.”
“Did Varvara make you stab Ezra?” Aaron asked me.
I shook my head again. “Varvara was fighting the other one. I had to do it myself.”
“Tori,” the person behind the desk looked at me intently. “Who did you stab?”
“Eterran.”
Aaron and the person looked at me in silence.
“Why did you stab Eterran?” the person asked.
“Ezra was dead. Eterran asked me to let him leave. But Ezra wouldn’t have wanted that. I couldn’t let him leave. I had to.” I tried to breath. “I had to,” I whispered into Aaron’s shirt.
***
I looked around the pub. The tables and chairs were arranged neatly. The bar was prepped. My friends told me that the sight would warm my insides. That was a long time ago.
These days I felt nothing.
Aaron and Kai were standing at the bar, waiting for me, ready.
This was our farewell, our goodbye. We couldn’t stay here, not with all the memories, all the loss. This time tomorrow we would be gone.
But before we could go, I had one last thing to do.
The pub’s door opened, and the bell rang. Two figures entered and stepped inside. They walked the length of the room and came to stand in front of me. Aaron and Kai joined us to stand on either side of me.
“Hello,” the shorter of the two said and waited.
“Tori, the shorter person with the dark hair is Robin. The taller person with the light hair is Amalia,” Kai told me.
I nodded at him. I still could barely tell people apart. Him and Aaron the only exception.
And Ezra. I closed my eyes and breathed through my nose. One of the guys put a hand on my shoulder, giving me strength.
I opened my eyes and look at the two people I asked to meet. They were looking at me, but I couldn’t read their faces.
“Robin,” I said eventually. “I need to give you this.” I pulled the demonic amulet from my pocket.
The two people in front of me gasped.
“I have no use for it,” I said, no emotion in my voice. “I hope it brings you more luck than it did to me.”
I dropped the amulet in her outstretched hand and walked out of the door. I didn’t look back, but I knew that Aaron and Kai were right behind me.