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Henry looked around, taking in the noises, shapes and colours that made up the scene in front of him. A house party. Who would have ever thought that he, Henry Fox, was the one to go to a house party. Willingly at that. It wasn’t normally his scene, quite the opposite but he’d let his friends persuade him. He might have still refused or backed out at the last minute if it weren’t for one thing. One person, rather. Alex Claremont-Diaz. Destined golden boy, the teachers’ favourite, son of successful politicians, brother of the schools’ dearest alumni, lacrosse star, the schools’ heartthrob. Henry’s heartthrob. He kept his crush secret, ducked his head, whenever Alex looked at him. He smiled but didn’t dare say much in response to one of his cheerful questions. He’d be a stuttering mess otherwise. Besides, there were enough people who didn’t hide their infatuation with Alex already and he didn’t need the embarrassment to line up behind a hoard of girls. Because that was the other reason why he kept his crush quiet. Alex had only ever had girlfriends. Which, in truth, didn’t have to mean anything, but whenever Alex spoke about romance, about people he fancied, they were only ever girls. It wasn’t like Henry thought he might be homophobic or something either. Alex’ best friend was Nora, the leader of the QSA.
That was how Henry had originally found his way into Alex’ wider social circle. On his first day at Westlake High, after the principal had introduced him to Pez (who was delighted to find out that Henry had moved from the UK and therefore made Pez ‘not the only sensible speaking person around here, finally’), Pez had given him a tour, ending at the library. “This is the library which is actually quite decently filled for a school library.” Henry had smiled at that. He loved libraries, books had always been his closest friends, before people ever were. “The best thing, though, is the back room”, Pez had continued. “And not just because you can very easily hide in there and make out with people, but because the QSA meets there.” “The QSA?” Henry had asked, unsure what the abbreviation meant. “Yes, the Queer-Straight-Alliance. Nora started it a few years ago and it is hands-down the best group of people in the whole school. We meet every Thursday here and nearly every weekend too. Sadly, not on school grounds even if I suggested that multiple times. It’s not really breaking and entering if we have a key now, is it?” “Uhm…” Henry had still been stuck on the first part of Pez’ answer. Queer-Straight-Alliance. He’d heard of groups like that, of course he had. He’d wished for one in silence ever since he’d figured out that not every boy wanted to kiss other boys, but that he very much did. “I…can I just come? Do I have to do anything or bring something?” “Oh, no, you just bring yourself. Have you never been to one?” Henry had shaken his head. “We didn’t have one at my old school.” “Oh, yeah, I forgot. Good old England, right? I bet your school was run by Tory’s.” “It was, yes. But I'm from Wales. Not that it makes a difference for the school experience." Pez had smiled. "Sorry, I forgot. But yes, it doesn't matter much I'd say. Well, good thing you’re here now, then. Texas is far from perfect, but you came to the right school. Principal Jackson is a democrat and Senator Claremont is always very generous with donations, not just because of her children.” Henry had allowed himself a tentative smile.
At first, Pez had overwhelmed him a bit. He wasn’t used to people being so bubbly and friendly towards him. Usually, he just stood in the back, exchanged a few polite words with whomever necessary and kept to himself the rest of the time. He hadn’t had many friends back home. If he was honest, there hadn’t really been anyone. A few other boys that he’d sometimes shared a table with during lunch but only because they’d been outcasts too. Seeing Pez genuinely interested in him and even excited at the prospect of getting to know Henry had been strange that first day. Even now, he sometimes asked himself why Pez was even his friend. It didn’t happen often anymore, but sometimes the insecurity still crept up at him. Ever since that day, more than a year ago, Pez had stuck to Henry’s side. He’d grinned brightly, when Henry had hesitantly opened the door to the QSA meeting that first Thursday. He’d waved him over to the lunch table he shared with Nora and a couple of other people Henry had met at the QSA. Henry had sat down, and it had become a routine. Nora, Julie and Jay had become his friends too. Julie, who walked around as if she’d just climbed out of a pinterest board labelled ‘cottagecore’ and whose personality was eerily similar to her fairylike appearance. Jay who wore earrings and coloured their hair in rainbows and never held back on their opinions. Nora, whose curly hair never stayed in her ponytail and who knew numbers and statistics to everything.
Nora’s numbers were how he’d first met Alex. It had been the middle of September and Henry had felt like he’d finally found his footing in between his classmates and at the school. He knew the way to every single one of his classes now, he had a stable lunch routine and even people that he could talk to in most of his classes.
All things considered, just the past weeks had been better than his whole school career in Wales combined. His parents were better too, and Bea loved her courses at the University of Texas. It also helped that Phillip wasn’t around all the time. He had decided to stay and move to London, where he’d started his position at the family firm. The one his mum had wanted out of and in turn the very reason they’d moved. That and the fact that his dad had wanted to fully retire his acting career. Ever since the cancer scare, he’d said that he didn’t want to return to acting. And now he hadn’t, and their family had moved. So far it had only been for the better. His mum was happier now, his dad loved working at the little bookshop in the city centre, Bea was thriving in college and Henry had found friends. Everything was looking up. Despite all that, Henry should have known that it couldn’t possibly continue to be that smooth and easy. He couldn’t have anticipated that his new world would began shaking and turning on its axis because of a brown-eyed boy. The very boy that slumped down on a chair at their lunch table that day, sighing dramatically.
“Nora, you’re my last hope. Training has been a mess this week and we have a game on Sunday, so I need some reassurance here. What are the numbers for us winning?” Nora had eyed him with amusement curling around her lips. “I thought you were the best lacrosse captain ever and didn’t need my stupid numbers, Alex.” Alex. The name had immediately started echoing in Henry’s head. Alex, Alex, Alex. Alex with the sunshine smile and unruly brown curls. Alex whose eyes sparkled when he laughed. Alex who never knew how or when to shut up. Not that Henry had known all these things back then, he’d just been struck by the beautiful, radiant appearance of that boy sitting opposite him, looking at his friend with pleading eyes.
Henry didn’t hear another word from their conversation, he just stared, struck by the fact that 1. This beautiful boy sat opposite him, casually and 2. How had he missed Alex’ existence for so long?
An elbow that landed in his ribs had finally teared him out of his daydream (yes, a daydream, as embarrassing as it was to admit that). “Dude, you good?” Jay looked a little concerned, pulling back their elbow. Henry could only nod, his eyes still following Alex who’d gone back to the table where the lacrosse team sat. “I think Henry has a crush, is all”, grinned Pez, pointing toward the lacrosse team. Nora followed his finger and smiled. “Alex?” Henry didn’t answer but the blush on his cheeks had been enough of an answer anyway. Nora sighed. “I get that, he’s handsome. And I don’t want to burst your bubble but as far as I know he’s straight. Painfully so, sometimes.” “Oh”, Henry had slumped back in his chair then. “Hey, don’t let that stop you. A little crush is healthy anyway. Also, my observations may be almost fool proof, but even I have made mistakes. And yeah, sure I’ve known him since middle school but people change and not everyone knows everything about themselves at once. Just, you know. Keep it low, I don’t want you to get hurt.”
So Henry had tried to keep it low. Keeping it on the level of a simple high school crush and guarding the line to infatuation fiercely. For a while, it worked. Alex drifted in and out of his vicinity. He popped up at their lunch table every once in a while, but mostly talked to Nora. Sometimes, he greeted Henry in the hallway. Nothing to give him any reason to cross the line he’d drawn. But then, the summer came, and they started to hang out at Nora’s house a lot. He learned that Nora was direct neighbours with the Claremont-Diaz family and from then on, he regularly caught a glimpse of Alex. When he had his lacrosse friends over, when he argued with his older sister, who Henry learned shared a few classes with his own sister (that knowledge didn’t help his efforts to keep Alex out of his mind), when he mowed the lawn (which had no business looking this good, it was just bloody gardening). And then, a few weeks into summer break, when Alex had his girlfriend over. Amelia. One of the cheerleaders that Henry had never really noticed before. He definitely hadn’t known that Amelia and Alex were dating. But that day, when they’d been lounging on the grass, Nora, Pez, Julie and him and he’d gotten up to get new drinks from inside, he’d seen them kissing. A kiss that was far from a first kiss.
After that day, he’d firmly decided to keep all thoughts of Alex out of his mind. He avoided looking over at the Claremont-Diaz’ garden, he suggested they meet at his house to avoid even the possibility to see Alex. It worked. He had a great summer, enjoying the Texan heat and feeling truly content with himself. He had the best friends; his parents were relaxed and even took him and Bea on a beach vacation for a week. The summer had treated Henry with wonderful memories and a slight tan. So, his plan worked. The thought of Alex slowly quieted. It was still there, but not as loud and Henry figured the rest would fade over time. Once school would start again, he’d only really see Alex at lunch and it was their Senior Year anyway. It would fade and in a little over a year, Henry would go to college and the memories of Alex would be nothing more than those of a high school crush.
Only, the universe (or the principal, Henry wasn’t sure who to blame more) didn’t want to be so nice. On the first day back after summer break, Henry discovered three things.
1. He still didn’t understand the American school system as good as he probably should after living here for a year
2. Amelia was the kind of person who liked to let break-ups happen very publicly, and chose the hallway to do so with Alex
3. He now shared classes with Alex.
Confronted with these developments, Henry had to adapt his strategy. Ultimately, he elected to keep ignoring Alex’ existence as good as possible. He hadn’t been present when Amelia had broken up with Alex in the hallway but the school gossip mill told him, that the reason was another girl. The stories varied from ‘he kissed her’ to ‘he had two girlfriends at the same time, can you believe?’. Henry guessed it probably was something harmless like Alex talking to another girl, since gossip liked to blow it all out of proportion. Nora more or less confirmed his suspicions. “Apparently Alex talked to much about that other person and too little about Amelia so she freaked”, she’d explained with a shrug when Julie asked if she’d believed any of the gossip. “Well, there’s no crime in talking about other people, is there?” Pez had asked. They’d all agreed and that had been the end of the conversation. Henry somehow found a routine for his classes.
It was easy to ignore Alex in maths class since he sat in the last row next to Liam and Henry sat in the front. History was a little tricky since they sat in the same row, but at least there were two people between them, Connor, someone from the QSA being one of them. P.E. was by far the most difficult. They obviously had to share the changing rooms and Henry absolutely didn’t want to confirm any prejudice about gay guys checking out others in the changing rooms. But, god, was it hard to not notice the boy he had the biggest crush on laughing and bickering with their classmates while casually pulling on his lacrosse jersey (or the UT shirt he’d undoubtedly stolen from his sister, similar to Henry himself). After a few weeks, the verdict was clear: the crush wasn’t just a crush anymore. He’d well passed the line. He was infatuated, smitten, head over heels, hopeless.
And then, last Wednesday, Alex had sat down at their lunch table and instead of waiting for Nora who hadn’t arrived yet, he’d spoken to the whole group. “So, my mom is out of town over the weekend and I’m throwing a little party. Nothing too big, but a few of the lacrosse guys are coming and Nora, obviously. Y’all are Nora’s friends and you seem cool regardless so you’re all invited.” He hadn’t waited for an answer from any of them, just grinned once more and went back to his table. A few seconds of silence followed before everyone started to talk. “Oh my god, Alex’ parties are supposed to be legendary”, exclaimed Jay and Julie had declared: “His sister is hot. I always wanted to meet her and I’ve heard she still lives at home.” “I love parties, I’m always down for a party! What about you, Hen?” Pez looked at him expectantly and everyone else followed suit. “Uhm, I don’t really like parties?” he said tentatively. “That sounds more like a question than anything”, Julie shook her head. “I’m not sure, I’ve never really been to parties…”, he’d stared down at the table, avoiding the curious looks. “Hi, everyone!”, Nora had chimed, “What’s happening?” “Alex invited us to his party”, Pez explained. “Oh, he did? That’s good. So, we’re all going, right?” She looked around the table, eyebrows raised. Julie and Jay had nodded enthusiastically. “Of course, Nora! But Henry seems a little unsure.” Her gaze had found Henry at that and she’d raised her eyebrow higher. “Why? It’ll be soo much fun. You really have to come, Henry!” Henry had contemplated for a little while longer before shrugging. “I guess, it doesn’t hurt to try.” “Exactly!” Nora’s smile had brightened, and she’d sounded a little overenthusiastic, but Henry chalked it up to her being proud she’d convinced him.
- - -
Now, looking around at the people in the living room and outside the house, a beer can in hand, Henry wasn’t sure what to think of his decision. The music that played from the speaker wasn’t bad and a few people were even moving to the rhythm. Henry wouldn’t call it dancing but according to Pez it was to early for that anyway. Alex, who Henry had spotted the second he’d entered the house, stood at a table with some friends. They were mostly from the lacrosse team, as far as Henry could tell. There was Liam who Henry had spoken to on a few occasions since they shared English class. A few others he didn’t know the names off and Spencer who sometimes came to the QSA and had just recently told them that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to come out to the lacrosse team. They had red cups lined up on two sides of the table and were starting to play what appeared to be beer pong.
Henry’s friends had hijacked the big living room couch. Julie had brought a deck of tarot cards and started shuffling them. Jay and Pez watched her closely and two other girls Henry didn’t know sat on the ground. Nora sat on the edge of the couch and talked to June, Alex’ sister. She’d introduced herself with a sheepish grin. “I’m basically only here to play guardian but I like seeing Alex summon chaos and I like Nora well enough to stay voluntarily.”
For a while Henry floated in and out of the conversations around him. Julie tried to convince him of a tarot reading but he politely declined every time she turned to him with big, expectant eyes. He didn’t really need a reminder that his crush on Alex was pointless. He sipped on his beer and found that it wasn’t as bad after a while. He talked to June who almost screamed of excitement when she realized that Henry was Bea’s brother. “Oh my God, Henry! You’ve just given me the perfect reason to go talk to her. I’ve wanted to be her friend for so long, but I never knew how to approach her.”
Pez and he tried out the PlayStation that stood in one corner of the room and later, Jay and Pez convinced Henry to try out the make-shift dance floor in the middle of the living room. After Henry realized that no one cared about how their movements looked while dancing, he started to relax too. The alcohol probably helped as well. By the third beer, everything looked a little brighter and happier to Henry. Henry also discovered that he quite liked vodka though he only dared to take one shot of it. He’d never drunken more than beer or wine and didn’t want his crushes' home to be the place he first drank too much. While drinking beer and drinking in the atmosphere (if parties were always like this, he could get on board), he quietly studied the people around him. There were a few couples on the dance floor but he didn’t know much more than a name about them. June disappeared for a while and came back with a stack of pizza cartons whose contents were devoured within minutes. Spencer and Liam had slowly gotten closer to each other over the course of the evening and were now constantly touching. And Alex, Alex was in the middle of it all, thriving. He danced and laughed, played beer pong and asked Julie for a Tarot reading.
Another while later, the party seemed to die down a bit. One of the couples that had spent most of the night making out in a corner left and a group of girls waved goodbye before leaving through the garden. Liam and Spencer where nowhere to be found either. Alex dragged a chair in the middle of the living room and climbed on it, an empty beer bottle in hand. “Who wants to relive middle school and play spin the bottle?” A few of the lacrosse boys groaned. “Nah, dude. Not really”, one of them said. “We’re just gonna play another round”, another one added, pointing to the beer pong table. Alex simply shrugged. “Your loss. What about y’all?”, he turned to Henry and his friends. Julie and Jay nodded excitedly, and the girls who’d watched the tarot readings and had later danced with the group agreed. Pez nudged Henry and he nodded. The slight buzz of the alcohol made him adventurous and it could be fun, right? “Bug?” Alex looked at his sister expectantly. “No, Alex. I’m not 17 anymore.” Alex pouted. “But you’re playing right, Nora?” Nora grinned, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Alejandro!”
“Hey, why don’t we go outside?”, Pez suggested and since none of them had an argument against it, they trotted outside and settled in a circle. The girls, Marissa and Lisa, if Henry remembered correctly started to argue a bit about who would spin the bottle first. They agreed on Lisa. The first spin landed on Jay who had to recount their most embarrassing childhood story after they had chosen truth. Alex, who was next, chose dare and had to drink three beers as fast as he could. He burped loudly after, and everyone broke down in a fit of laughter.
For some time, the game continued that way. Pez had to do a handstand and eat jellies, Lisa confessed to having a crush on Duncan, someone from the basketball team. Marissa had to go inside and convince one of the lacrosse boys to dance with her. Henry had to imitate his grandmother when she’d flipped about their family’s move to Texas which brought tears of laughter to Alex’ eyes (Henry was a little proud at the sight). After him, the bottle spun to Julie and Henry asked her what the most surprising thing from her Tarot readings of the evening was. Julie told them, that she’d done a reading for Liam (Henry had apparently missed that happening) and everything had told him to take a chance. “And now, Liam and Spence are nowhere to be seen so I’d say it was successful.” They all awed and cheered at that. Julie turned the bottle again and it landed on Nora. “Have you ever predicted something and the it didn’t came true?” She shook her head. “Never. I mean, I don’t always predict cases where the difference in numbers is significant, and the numbers aren’t fully on point then but whenever something was a 60/40 split or more, I was right.”
“I don’t believe you!”, Alex protested. “That’s not the truth and you have to tell the truth, so. I dare you to predict the chances of my mom becoming President.” Ellen Claremont was a good politician, and she did a lot for Texas but no one in their group really believed she could be President. Clearly Alex, who knew her the best out of all of them didn’t either. But Nora canted her head to one side. “Hm, I’d say 42% right now but if she wins the next elections 67%.” Alex snorted. “Yeah, right. I bet you, this prediction is false.” Nora pointed the bottleneck toward him. “Don’t antagonize me, I’m never wrong. But, if you really want to loose, I’ll take it.” Alex perked up. “Okay, 50 bucks she’s never even going to run.” Nora’s grin widened. “50 bucks it is. I’ll use the money for good, don’t worry.” “You’re never gonna see a cent. It’s not happening.” “I said don’t antagonize me, Alex!”, Nora glared at him.
Then she sat up straighter. “I’m changing the game! Everyone said something at least once now so, I have a better idea.” All eyes turned to her, interested, expectantly. “Whoever the bottle lands on, has to call their crush. Here, in front of everyone. Talk to them and tell them you’re crushing on them.” “What if you don’t have their number?”; Marissa perked up. “You have to figure it out, ask around or something.” Nora’s eyes glistened with mischief. “And if someone doesn’t have a crush?”, Jay looked apprehensive. “Then the old rules apply, truth or dare. No one has to fabricate a crush.” Jay visibly relaxed at that.
“Okay”, Nora clapped her hands. “Let’s see.” For the first round, the bottle landed on Lisa. Determined but blushing heavily, she dialled Duncan’s number. The longer she waited, the redder her cheeks became. After he didn’t pick up the second call, Nora called a stop to it. “It’s only half as fun if you just leave a voice mail. The conversation is the interesting part.” Next was Julie who grinned confidently and dialled the number of the girl she’d met at Starbucks last week. The group had nicknamed her ‘Skatergirl’ because Julie hadn’t stopped to talk about how cool she looked driving away on her skateboard since. Julie got off the phone with a bright grin and a date secured for the next week. Back in the circle, Julie took the bottle and spun it.
It turned and turned for a while and then tumbled slower and slower. It came to a halt and stopped with the bottleneck pointing at Henry. “Oh! This is gonna be good”, Nora whispered. Henry blushed and looked down at his hand. They didn’t shake, which surprised him a little. Pez tsked at Nora, “you don’t have to, Hen”. Henry looked up and around the circle. Jay and Julie looked at him, their gaze questioning and silently saying the same as Pez. Marissa and Lisa looked simply curious, and Henry let his eyes wander to Alex who sat opposite him. He met the same mild curiosity the girls had in their eyes. He took a deep breath and turned to Nora. Looking at her, he pulled out his phone. What did he have to lose? The worst thing that could happen was a rejection and Henry was half prepared for that anyway. It was now or never, and the beer made him feel bold. As Henry began to scroll through his contacts, Nora let out a little squeal, her eyes widening and her smile growing.
There. Alex Claremont-Diaz. How lucky that he’d saved the contact from the group chat everyone in their year was in. A last deep breath and he pressed the dial button. For a second or two nothing happened. Then, Don’t Stop Me Now began playing and Alex crunched up his nose. He started digging around in his pockets. “June changed my ringtone again, I swear to god if I catch her…” he trailed off, the buzzing, singing phone now in hand. His eyes flickered up, looking straight at Henry and back down. Up again, and there was something in Alex’ eyes. Was it hope? “Why are you calling me?” Henry returned the look, unwavering. It was easier now that he’d taken the step, there was no way to back out anyway so he rather stood by what he was doing. “I’m gay.” Alex’ eyes grew big as saucers, surprise and now, unmistakably, hope in them. “Shut up!” He bent forward and Henry saw that his hands were shaking slightly. “I…” A blink of an eye. The next thing Henry felt was Alex’ hand on his cheek, his skin a little rough at the fingertips. Henry let his eyes flutter shut in the exact moment Alex’s lips touched his.
Faintly, he registered someone screaming what? but he didn’t hesitate. Henry kissed Alex back, tasting a mix of beer and something sweet on his lips. It felt natural to slip his arm around Alex’ waist and pull him closer. Alex made a soft sound and let his hand slide to Henry’s neck, his fingers playing with some of Henry’s longer strands of hair. Kissing Alex was everything Henry had imagined and yet it was nothing alike. Envisioning the softness of the other boys’ lips hadn’t come close to the truth.
An unknown amount of time, somewhere between seconds and minutes passed before they came up for air. The others had disappeared, leaving the garden empty and quiet. “Wow”, Alex breathed, and Henry could only nod. More time went by, and they simply stared at each other, a little breathless, a little stunned. “I…wow”, Alex whispered again. “Since when… how long do you…?” he broke off. “I liked you ever since you first came to our lunch table the last year.” Alex raised his eyebrow, a disbelieving look on his face. “That’s so long. Henry, I… why did you never say anything?” Henry blushed and averted his eyes. “It’s not exactly the first topic you bring up when you want to talk to the lacrosse captain, is it? And you always had girlfriends or at least girls around you. I… I never wanted to impose on you.” Alex was quiet for a beat. “You wouldn’t have but I get it.” He brushed a strand of hair behind Henry’s ear. “I’ve only realized it a little while ago. That I had a crush on you. I’ve known I’m bisexual a little longer, but I’d only ever had girlfriends.” He shrugged. “Being bisexual was more of a hypothetical for me for a while. And then I suddenly have all these classes with you and you’re just sitting there talking about algebra and all I can do is stare at you.” Henry felt his cheeks grow warm again. “Maths is the easiest because I don’t get distracted by you”, he murmured. Alex laughed, “I wish.” Silence fell between them again. They merely looked each other in the eyes, smiling giddily. Henry slowly remembered the rush of boldness that had made him dial Alex’ number in the first place and he decided to jump another step forward. “Would you like to go out with me, Alex?” Alex beamed at him. “Yes, of course I want to.” Henry returned the radiating smile. “Can I kiss you again?” Alex nodded and Henry leaned forward, fitting their mouths back together. It felt like they melted together and into each other. Alex’ hand in Henry’s hair, Henry’s arms around Alex’ waist and the warm September night around them. The air tasted like beer and chocolate and possibility. It couldn’t get better than this.