Chapter Text
“I’m just really excited to be done with quarantine tomorrow and meet all the men. It’s been a long two weeks alone, but I’m sure it’s going to be worth it. Let’s do this,” Blue said into the camera and Ronan dropped a finger toward Noah to indicate to cut the sound recording as Blue finished, “and get it over with.”
“Aw, regrets already, runt?” Ronan flipped a couple switches on his camera and made sure they weren’t recording any more. Noah nodded from the soundboard then wandered over to the snacks table.
Blue glared at Ronan from the hotel bed she was perched on. “I didn’t want to be the Bachelorette in the first place, but now I’m here and it’s actually happening … I really don’t want to be doing this.”
“Are you saying they’re gonna have a runaway bachelorette?”
“I’m saying that if I could sneak out past all of you and get the hell out of here, I would.”
“Not a chance. They probably have you chipped already. Don’t you want to find your twu wuv?” Ronan tried to reach down and pinch her cheek, but she swatted his hand away.
“Anyone would be lucky to have you, Blue,” Noah told her as he settled beside her on the bed and offered a yogurt. Blue accepted with a tight smile.
Ronan was moving all his camera equipment out of the way when someone knocked on the door. He twitched toward the camera, knowing they’d warned him that absolutely everything was to be filmed, but then a voice he recognized called out, “It’s only me.”
“Ugh, Mr. Assistant Producer,” Ronan said and hit the snacks as Blue invited Declan in and gestured toward a chair.
“Nice to see you too, Ronan. Noah, Blue,” Declan nodded at each of them before he pulled the chair closer to Blue.
“What’s the news? Is there a hurricane coming and we all have to evacuate home?” Blue asked hopefully.
Declan chuckled but it sounded forced. “That’s very unlikely here in upstate New York. It really is quite a lovely resort. I’m sure you’ll find lots to enjoy once you get out of quarantine.”
“Except for all the men who view me as nothing more than a possession to be won,” Blue said.
“That’s actually what I’m here to talk to you about,” Declan segued rather clumsily. “As you know, we’ve had to institute special safety precautions because of coronavirus, and we’re requiring you and your suitors to quarantine for two weeks, as well as the members of staff who will be in immediate contact with you.”
“Yeah, and it’s been the longest two weeks of my life.”
“Sargent, I am truly hurt. Being cooped up in this hotel with you, Noah, my asshat brother, and an anonymous little production assistant has been the highlight of my life. Nothing can ever top this,” Ronan put the hand holding a donut over his heart.
“Well, there’s been an incident.” Declan cleared his throat. “Since we’re quarantining in pods of five, if there is a containment breach,” he had to stop to glare at Ronan and Noah’s snickers, “it affects everyone. And there was. A breach of quarantine.”
“Declan, just spit it out,” Blue said.
“Two of the men violated quarantine, sneaked out, so now we’ve had to remove an entire pod of five contestants. That means we either start quarantine over, just for them, and delay our already tight shooting schedule, or we dump them for violating their contract.”
“So, we lose five guys, what’s the big deal?”
Declan shifted in discomfort. “As you know, Blue, you are very important to the Bachelorette franchise, because this is...important—”
“You mean, I’m the diversity pick in a franchise that has a terrible and longstanding record of discrimination against contestants of color and is nothing but a whitewashed, pandering fantasy of love that only serves to further uphold traditional race and gender roles.”
“Yes, bluntly put, that’s it,” Declan said. “This entire franchise has a really shitty record of any kind of real and meaningful diversity. And the execs love you because you’re a woman of color and you’re from a nontraditional family. You tick a lot of boxes for them so all the rich old white men in charge can pat themselves on the back without actually committing to any real and lasting change.”
“Well, thank you for actually saying it.”
Declan shrugged. “There’s no denying it. And that’s part of our present problem. You already had fewer men than the last couple shows because of virus restrictions. Now that you’re down five, that puts you at twenty contestants, which is a lot fewer than anyone else. And that looks bad, as if—”
“As if fewer men didn’t want to date me because of the aforementioned color and nontraditional family.” Blue rolled her eyes. “I’m fine with that.”
“But, unfortunately, the executive producers are not. They’re desperate to keep shooting on schedule but offer you as many men as possible, so they’ve sent me in with an offer. We can get you three substitute contestants from the production staff, ringers if you will, that will put you at twenty-three men. You can let them go the first night, but at least it’s three more white faces to replace five white faces so management is happy.
“And may I remind you two,” Declan turned to Ronan and Noah lounging on the bed behind her, “you have signed so many nondisclosure agreements and employment contracts that we own your asses so you can never discuss this.”
Ronan lazily flipped him off and Noah shrugged.
“Very well then, Blue, if that’s all sorted—”
“Wait a sec,” she put down her yogurt. “These ringers would have to be quarantining already, and I’d have to know them in order to eliminate them. So who exactly are they?”
Declan sighed, and it sounded like it was from the very depths of his soul. “I am to be one of them, since as you said, I’ve quarantined and I’m not invested in the game, I mean, process.” Ronan started laughing so hard, he nearly rolled off the bed.
“Then there’s Noah, who is already sworn to secrecy and is single. He’s almost invisible, no social media presence, so there’s no worry about messy history or anyone wondering if he was here working or here as a contestant.”
“Oh hey, really?” Noah sat up on the bed and took Blue’s hand. “I’d love it, Blue. Will you make me the happiest man on earth and allow me to court you on national TV?”
Blue laughed for the first time in days and clutched his hand tightly. “Sure, if you’re willing to do it, I’d love to have a friendly face there.”
“Yay,” Noah said and pulled her into a hug.
“Andthenthere’sRonan,” Declan said in a rush, as if anxious to get the words out so he could face the consequences and be done with it.
“What?” Blue and Noah said in unison as Ronan snapped, “Oh hell no.”
“No way,” Blue agreed. “You should know better than anyone that he’s...”
“Yeah, I’m gay,” Ronan said.
“Well of course I know that,” Declan snapped back, “but he’s here.”
“And I’m gay,” Ronan reminded him.
“You know, it might not be a bad idea,” Blue said slowly with a thoughtful look at Ronan. “I’m really not looking forward to this experience and even more so now that it’s actually starting. It might be nice to have another friend, someone I know who isn’t out to get something from me.”
“Hey,” Noah objected.
“I know you aren’t,” Blue reassured, “but this is like having a spy for my team in the camp. He can tell me who’s hot and who’s not.”
“I’m not gonna be your token gay best friend, Sargent.”
“No, but at least I know your motive up front. You’re not lying and faking to either get in my pants or get Instagram followers. I mean, that’s why ninety-nine percent of the men are here,” Blue shrugged.
“Harsh,” Ronan said.
“I’m realistic. These dicks aren’t here to fall in love with me. They’re looking for what they can get, trying to gain fame and make money as influencers or whatever. Why shouldn’t you do the same?”
“I don’t want fame. And yeah, what about money, Dicklan?”
“It’ll be worked out with your union. You’re guaranteed the rate for the job contract you already signed, you just won’t be filming anywhere near the other contestants once you’re out.”
Ronan eyed Blue suspiciously. “I’m not going back into the closet for you. I never lie. Especially about my sexuality.”
“I’m not asking you to lie,” she said. “But I know for a fact you prevaricate. Couldn’t you just not tell anyone? It’s not like they’re going to ask you point-blank on camera in the introduction videos ‘Are you gay? Do you only like men?’”
“Fine,” Ronan rubbed his hand over his face as Noah let out a little cheer. “One night.”
“We’ll just be three more anonymous men who show up in the background of the welcoming party for a few seconds and are never seen again,” Declan said. “No problem.”
He got two reluctant nods and an enthusiastic thumbs-up from Noah. As he stood to go he said, “Ronan, a word outside please?”
Ronan stomped out into the hall after him but he was ready when Declan whirled on him. “You are being suspiciously accommodating with all of this, and it worries me. I expected you to throw a tantrum.”
“I am an adult,” Ronan said, before sticking out his tongue at him.
“There’s been little definitive proof of that before now,” Declan muttered. “I just want to double-check that you don’t have any loose ends that might come to light even if you’re only on camera for a minute or two.”
“You know I hate that social media shit.”
“Yes, I’m aware, but there are dating apps and things for men…” Declan’s voice trailed off but Ronan wasn’t about to help him out so Declan finished awkwardly. “We just need to make sure that you don’t set off any red flags when our names are announced to the public.”
“Rainbow flags, you mean.” But Ronan understood and went on reluctantly. "I haven't dated anyone since before quarantine. Like, a long while before. It should be fine.”
“Okay,” Declan relaxed a little. “This is my first job with the network, you know. I have plans; you will not fuck this up for me. I got you this job, brought you over from Boston because I knew you’d been hermited away all through lockdown and needed the work.”
“Yeah, yeah, I got it. I just have to show up, pretend to meet Blue and play nice for a few hours. Piece of cake.”
Declan eyed him. “And remember that these men are here for Blue.”
Now Ronan took actual offense. “What the fuck, do you think I can’t keep it in my pants for a night? Do you even know anything about my dating life? No, no you don’t because if you’d ever bothered to care, you’d know that I don’t do random, I don’t do casual hookups. I have to like someone, a lot, before it goes any further. So, no I’ll have no trouble keeping it in mind that these assholes are here supposedly for Blue but really for their own selfish reasons.”
Declan didn’t even have the courtesy to look abashed. “I know that and wouldn’t have brought it up, but the execs had to make it be known. They’re a bunch of assholes too, with a lot of white and wrong takes on diversity and sexuality, but I’ve done my job. I’m sorry I had to ask.” Declan held out his hand. “Good luck?”
Ronan knocked it aside and fist bumped him instead. “Yeah, you too. Win that girl’s heart.”
They shared the same wry Lynch smile and parted for the night.
Ronan had never had the least interest in watching dating reality shows before Declan offered him the cameraman job. When he’d finally watched some episodes on Hulu, it made him feel weirdly dirty.
He knew that each season had a villain or two, men or women who were edited to look bad even though some were truly jackasses. He knew that there were a lot of tears and fights and a whole fuckton of partial nudity, overt sexualization and objectification. Contestants were made to strip off clothes during challenges, and there was always drama over contestants being on the show for fame and not to find love.
Ronan was morally opposed to the process, and he knew in his very bones that it was not the way he would ever find a soulmate. But then he was against dating apps and random blind dates so what did he know. He was also very single.
The next day, they all tested negative for Covid which cleared things to proceed on schedule. The following morning Blue had to move out of the quarantine hotel and into the massive guesthouse that would be her home during the shooting. The men would stay at the hotel to get ready for the introduction ceremony that night.
“Well, this is it,” Blue said, clinging to Noah’s hands as they said goodbye. “I don’t want to go.”
“It’s only for a couple hours. God, we just can’t get away from you,” Ronan said in forced disgust.
“I can’t believe this is really happening,” Blue pulled first Noah and then Ronan into a hug. Ronan patted her head like he’d seen Noah do many times, but Blue slapped his hand away.
“You’ll be fine. You’re tough. You got this,” Ronan said.
“You’re right. I got this,” Blue straightened up and with one last hug from Noah, wheeled her luggage into the hall, the PA scampering behind her.
“Come on,” Noah said suddenly. “We have to get ready for tonight.”
“I thought I was.”
“Ronan, it’s very important to make a good first impression. What kind of statement do you think you’re making to the world right now?”
Ronan spread his arms out to showcase his usual working outfit of muscle tank and casually ripped jeans. “I think I’m saying ‘Fuck off. I don’t care.’”
Noah rolled his eyes. “You can at least try to look good for Blue. You don’t want to disrespect her by showing up looking that that.”
“Ugh,” was all Ronan could say. But he didn’t have much of a choice. He hadn’t brought many clothes because why would he? His work clothes were casual, his workout clothes functional, and he’d assumed he wouldn’t be needing to impress anyone so it wasn’t like he’d packed a suit or even dress slacks.
Noah didn’t fully approve but he grudgingly agreed that the best Ronan could do was his darkest pair of jeans, which incidentally happened to be the tightest, and his better black work boots that added to his already impressive height. Noah tore through his gray and black shirts with a wrinkled nose before pawing through his own luggage and coming out with a rich purple T-shirt.
“It’s too small,” Ronan said, holding it up to his chest.
“It’ll stretch,” Noah promised. “Show off those pecs.”
Ronan rolled his eyes but put it on and topped it with his usual black leather jacket.
Noah eyed him critically. “Well, you can be the badass biker dude or something maybe.”
“What exactly are you doing?” Ronan asked as he watched Noah busily stripping a sheet off the bed.
“Oh, nothing.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing,” he told Noah as he disappeared into the bathroom with the sheet and a pair of scissors.
“You know how some of the men arrive in costumes or with gimmicks and stuff so the bachelorette remembers them?”
Ronan rolled his eyes. “You aren’t. It’s not like you need Blue to remember you.”
Noah stuck his head out of the door and waggled his eyebrows. “But don’t you want the public to remember you?”
“No, I want to forget this entire experience and I want the whole world to get amnesia too.”
But before he knew it, Ronan was in the back of a limousine with Noah and three other dudes he had no intention of ever remembering and then they were pulling up to the front of the main resort. And he could see poor Blue standing by the walkway that led up to the door, looking very small and very alone and very anxious.
And he remembered why he was doing this.
So when it was his turn, he swaggered out of the car and toward her, his smirk a knife, his walk a threat, exuding without effort all the badassery he’d ever been accused of.
He stood before her and for a long moment, they just stared at each other. Blue’s hands were shaking, and Ronan could literally see the pulse in her neck rabbiting from anxiety so he did what was natural when he saw a tiny, frightened creature.
He opened his arms and said, “Do you need a hug?”
She nodded and went into his arms, clinging tightly for a long moment. He wrapped himself around her and held her, wanting to lend her a feeling of safety, courage, strength, and she gratefully accepted.
When she pulled back, she looked more like the Blue he’d gotten to know so well, so he had to ruin it immediately. “You are so small, you’re, like, fun-sized.”
She sputtered and caught herself starting to laugh. “You’re just abnormally huge.”
“No, really, you’re travel-sized, easily portable, you’d fit into a pocket and be at home. You must save a ton of money living out of a plastic storage bin.”
“Not all of us want to be giants. You’re only useful for dusting ceilings and getting hit by the rain first.”
He shrugged and smirked unrepentant. “I’m Ronan.”
“Oh,” Blue remembered what they were doing and Ronan saw her start to shut down.
“I’m really happy to meet you,” he went on. “I’m only here for you,” he said in total honesty.
Blue smirked back before she could stop herself. “I’m very glad to have you here, Ronan. I hope we can get to know each other better.”
“Only if I don’t accidentally step on you.”
“I have the lifting power of an ant,” she retorted. “I’d flip you right off.” And she did, with both fingers, and Ronan laughed delightedly.
“Good girl,” he murmured and she smiled a small but real smile up at him.
“See you inside?”
“Yeah,” he gave her a little fingerwave and headed off to saunter into the resort. Let the camera catch his good side all the way in.
But he had to stop at the doors, because he heard Noah stumble out of the limo, wearing the sheet and looking like something out of a Charlie Brown holiday cartoon as he floated without much success up to Blue.
Blue had her hands over her mouth, trying to stifle nervous giggles.
“WoooOooo,” the sheeted figure said before Blue tugged at the sheet and tried to peer in the eye holes.
“Who is it?” she asked.
“I’m a ghost,” Noah said with great glee before ripping off the sheet and grinning at her. His hair was mussed and staticky and he was only wearing a sweater over a button-down shirt with khakis, but his smile was bright and infectious. It certainly worked on Blue.
“I can see that,” she replied.
“I heard that your moms are psychics and that’s really cool, so I figured you’re used to seeing ghosts and stuff and I wanted to make you feel at home.”
“Aw, that’s sweet. It doesn’t really work like that, but you’re very sweet,” Blue said and then took a beat before remembering, “And you are?”
“Noah, and I’m really happy to be here with you, Blue,” he formally shook her hand and Blue smiled again, so Ronan figured it was safe to slip inside.
That thought didn’t last long. There were men and cameras everywhere. Production had taken over the entire resort, but for the night were using two adjoining conference rooms decorated to look like sitting areas with chairs and couches and a long bar professionally staffed along one wall. It looked like a cross between a conference for dickheads and a really lousy wedding reception, Ronan thought.
He scoped out the competition for a minute, and many of them stared openly right back. Ronan hadn’t felt such hostile judgment from assholes his own age since boarding school. Well, he wasn’t about to let that stop him now.
With a little head nod to the world in general, he strolled in, right through both rooms, figuring if they all wanted to measure him up, he’d give them the opportunity. He stopped at the bar and ordered a beer but after a brief battle, had to accept it in a glass rather than the bottle “for the look of the thing” the bartender told him.
Then he took a steeling breath and began to look around. While he would’ve loved nothing more than to find a wall to hold up somewhere, he figured he’d better pretend. He steered clear of Declan where he was in a group of men who looked like semi-successful bankers or brokers or whatever power-hungry assholes did to make money nowadays.
There were smaller knots of douchebag influencer types. They were tanned and toned, most looking like they walked out of a gym right into a tanning booth with white teeth, perfect hair. Most were cookie-cutter white boys stamped out of the same social media mold.
There was a loud cheer from a group of frat boy types that sounded like they’d already managed to drink themselves into a buzz.
And there were the jocks, a couple who had the rangy look of semi-pro athletes, the balanced way they carried themselves with confidence that ranged onto arrogance, and one who looked like a gymhead bodybuilder all the way.
It looked like about half the men were already there, so Ronan found a comfortable squashy chair midway between the douchebags and the jocks where he could watch the door.
Ronan sipped his beer casually as Noah came in, goodwill flowing off him as he streamed through the room, but Ronan gave a little head shake when Noah would’ve joined him. Noah got it immediately and veered toward the bar instead.
A few men stopped by Ronan, looking as uncomfortable about the whole business as he felt, and introduced themselves. He didn’t shake hands but he gave his first name and ignored the rest. Those men soon abandoned the pretense of friendliness and moved on.
It was better that way so Ronan could eavesdrop and make mental notes on the ones who bragged about followers, ones who bragged about wanting to be the next Bachelor and roll in money and women, ones who spoke really terribly about women in general and two even Blue specifically. Ronan eyeballed those two douches because they should be weeded out immediately.
He’d finished the beer quicker than he’d meant to so Ronan went back to the bar and ordered a water. It came in a highball glass with a twist of lime, but the bartender only shrugged at Ronan’s inquisitive eyebrow.
“Gotta make it look real. Everything’s gotta look good on camera.”
“Good lord, that’s fucking bleak,” Ronan muttered and took a long drink.
“Isn’t that the nature of this entire experience? If you can’t handle this performance and distortion of reality, what are you even doing here?”
The quiet, snarky voice beside him made Ronan turn, angry retort on his lips that died when he saw the man beside him. He hadn’t seen him come in, and he certainly would’ve noticed him immediately. He was tall, but not as tall as Ronan, and thin in a wiry but utilitarian way, like he worked out to keep his body strong and capable but not musclebound for selfies’ sake. It was his face that captivated Ronan, his features oddly elegant and put together in a way that made him memorable and striking but maybe not conventionally model gorgeous.
But he was like a breath of cool, dry air in the middle of a hot and humid Virginia summer, and Ronan longed to breathe him in.
“I’m here for the girl,” Ronan said shortly, not wanting to trip over a lie. “If you’re so good at blurring the lines between reality and performance, should I assume you’re only here for the clout?”
The man gave him a look so expressive Ronan was sure he could hear it telling him to go fuck himself. “No, I’m here for Blue. She is fascinating and I’m looking forward to getting to know her better, even if it is within the confines of this farce.”
The man pointed to the glass in Ronan’s hand when the bartender glanced their way. “It’s water,” Ronan warned.
“I know,” he said. “There’s so much alcohol here, everywhere. Didn’t your podmates swim in the stuff during quarantine too? This is enough to permanently kill every liver in the building.”
“They want to get us drunk so we make dubious choices and ill-fated hookups,” Ronan said.
The man looked at him strangely for an instant before smoothing his face into camera-readiness. “I don’t think they meant for us to hookup with the other men in our pods.”
Ronan choked on his water. The man’s face reflected only innocence. “I think all reality TV is fueled by alcohol and bad choices,” Ronan said after a cough. Then he held out his hand. “I’m Ronan.”
“Adam,” and oh shit, Ronan was fucked. He held onto Adam’s hand longer than socially acceptable, he knew, but he did not want to let go. It was everything he looked for in a hand, and okay, fine, Ronan had long before accepted he had a hand kink, but Adam’s were the finest he’d seen in a long, long time.
He looked up from the hand and finally dropped it. If Adam noticed anything odd, he’d probably chalk it up to intoxication, Ronan hoped desperately. Instead, Adam looked him up and down and said, “Good luck” then walked away like he hadn’t just found the single most attractive person he’d ever met and oh. Yeah. He hadn’t. He was there for Blue.
Ronan threw back the rest of his water and knocked on the bar. “Give me another.”
This one he took for a walk, still avoiding any group with Declan or Noah and now he had to watch out for Adam, although part of him longed to follow him like a puppy. He finally crashed into a couch a little out of the way and tried to count the number of men to see how far along they were in the process. But some were being pulled out to side rooms for one-on-one interviews, so he couldn’t get an accurate count.
The couch sank when another body collapsed into it. Ronan glanced over and then looked again. This preppy was undoubtedly of the highest crust, the kind of old money that loaned itself to a certain bearing that Ronan knew all too well from boarding school. His handsome face should have reeked of wealth, excess and arrogance, but instead he was slumped and defeated, clutching some kind of book to his chest with the desperate air of someone who wishes for a security blanket.
“Rough night, buddy?” Ronan couldn’t help himself.
The man sighed and slouched more, even though his body didn’t look like it’d been bred for such plebeian posture. “The worst. I’m afraid I made such an ass out of myself.”
Ronan didn’t hold back a bark of laughter. The man looked at him wryly. “I’m glad that my pain can amuse you.”
“Nah, it probably wasn’t as bad as you think. I’m sure when you watch the show, you’ll be surprised at how smooth you come off.”
The man was shaking his head. “No, oh god, no. I have never said such humiliating and absurd things all at once to one person, especially one I was attempting to impress. Oh sweet Jesus,” he bent over and actually put his head between his knees like he was either going down in flames or going to throw up.
“Whoa, you going to hurl? How much have you had to drink?” Ronan scooted back to keep out of the line of potential vomit.
“Nothing. I wanted to keep my mind clear so I could tell Blue exactly what I think of her. Aren’t her Instagram posts lovely? I’ve had such feelings for her, ever since she was announced as bachelorette. But instead, I can’t believe what an utter ass I was. I didn’t even get to give her the journal I made for her.”
“Wow, that’s a lot,” Ronan said. “I’ll go get you some water.”
He really just wanted to escape from the awkwardness and hoped the guy would be gone when he returned, but he was still there, still clutching the book, but his head was resting back on the couch’s headrest and his eyes were closed.
“Here,” Ronan gruffly put the water glass into his hand and sat back down.
“Thank you. This really is most kind of you.” The man had recovered enough that he gave Ronan the plastic smile and forged manners that Ronan recognized from his own brother.
“Knock off the nice-guy act. I like you better when you’re angsting; you’re real and relatable.”
“Oh.” The guy looked from Ronan to the water, and his cheeks went pink. “No one’s ever caught on so quickly before. No one except Blue,” and his breath hitched again.
Ronan sighed and settled back into the couch. “OK, so you want to talk about it. Tell me what you did that was so bad.”
The man spilled out a convoluted story about trying to politely thank Blue for taking the time out of her life to film the Bachelorette and how he admired all her activism and her commitment to making real changes in the world but then it somehow morphed into a weird take on prostitution, and Ronan wasn’t sure how it all actually went down, but yeah, the guy totally fucked his chances, if he knew Blue. She wouldn’t tolerate anyone who insulted women, even accidentally.
“I didn’t mean to say any of that! It wasn’t what I meant at all! I had the entire speech planned out, and then I would give her the journal I made for her, but somehow she twisted my words...not blaming her, I would never blame a victim…”
Ronan let him drone on until it seemed like he’d run out of self-recrimination and drunk all the water. “Well, it’s all over with. Maybe you’ll get a chance to talk to her when she comes in to mingle.”
The way the guy perked up made Ronan almost feel bad about getting his hopes up. “Do you really think I’ll have another opportunity?”
“Maybe.” Ronan could feel himself actually getting invested in this situation despite himself and he hated it. “Just, be real with her. Be yourself, not some fakeass politician type with a canned speech. She’ll see right through your bullshit. Take a deep breath, tell her the truth and apologize. She might kick you in the balls, or she might accept your book. Suck it up either way.”
The man took a deep breath like he was anticipating the ball kick any moment. “Thank you. That’s actually really good advice. Gansey.” He put out his hand so Ronan took it.
“Ronan.”
“Very nice to meet you, Ronan. Do you think she’ll be here soon? It seems like it’s taking an awfully long time.”
“I think production takes a very long time. They’re going to want multiple takes, different shots, all that diary and first impression bullshit,” Ronan said. “I’m sure she’ll be here soon.”
“Well, since we have time to kill, tell me, Ronan. What do you know about Welsh kings?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The night dragged on, even after the men were gathered into one conference room and Blue was allowed to come in. They had to film the official welcome several times until every toast was perfect and every artificial smile was bright.
Then Blue was supposed to take one man at a time to a private alcove, as many as would fit into the allotted time, and talk with them alone on camera. Ronan knew he wouldn’t have to do the get-to-know-you talk, so he wandered restlessly around the areas they were allowed, just to keep himself awake.
He’d passed Declan for the third time in the passway between the conference rooms when Declan turned his head to murmur, “Could you knock it off and just relax?”
Ronan was going to retort when he realized Adam was one of the men in a loose group nearby and was staring at the two. Face to face, the brothers looked very much alike, but in profile their silhouettes could be twins. He saw Adam frown so he spun on his heel and went back to lurking near the bar alone.
Finally, in the hours right before sunrise, production started to fuss around preparing the larger room for the first rose ceremony. Ronan stood and stretched, hands reaching toward the ceiling, lengthening his spine and feeling some vertebrae pop with relief. He swiveled his neck and stifled a yawn. Cool air tickled across his belly where Noah’s shirt exposed several inches of bare skin.
Across the room, several other men were trying to come out of their drunken dozes, and he caught a flash of Adam turning away.
But there was a deep red rose on the lapel of his suit, and Ronan’s stomach did a little stricken swoop. So Blue had given Adam the all-important first impression rose, which meant he was immediately the front-runner on the show. Ronan thought he might be sick from more than hunger.
They were eventually all herded into the room and there was a lot of manhandling about getting them lined up and some on risers so no one’s face was blocked on camera.
“God forbid someone not get a good shot of the moneymaker,” Ronan said loudly enough for Noah to snicker two people down. He knew Adam was a couple guys over too, while Declan was across the crowd. He got on tiptoe to see the professor, Gansey, somewhere in the middle, still looking a little like he might faint.
Then it began. The bright lights were giving Ronan a headache, especially since he’d been kept up all night and not fed for hours. He couldn’t help but squint as Blue followed the ritual: call a man’s name, the man walks up to her, she gives him a nervous smile with the show’s tagline “Will you accept this rose?” The man answers in the affirmative and she pins the rose on, sometimes fumbling it so they’d have to cut filming and do another take.
Ronan noticed they only did three men at a time before taking a break and hustling Blue into a conversation with producers. Ronan wondered if she could remember all the names or if this was a way to help her out.
Then, she called out Noah’s name. Ronan looked over to see Noah jump a little, positively beam, and walk toward her. While Blue went through the spiel, Ronan met Declan’s intense gaze. So, it looked like neither of them had anticipated that.
And then she said Declan’s name. Ronan watched his brother freeze, his face void of emotion, before he smiled his politest smile and went down to accept Blue’s rose.
Ronan had a very bad feeling now, and he knew it was not hunger or exhaustion.
Finally there were eight men left and only three roses. Ronan’s palms were sweating when Blue returned from a long discussion with the staff to the table where the last three roses lay. She was avoiding eye contact with the men as she picked up the next rose and called out “Joseph.”
One of the dude bros Ronan had ignored sauntered over and took the rose as his due. He was walking back to the group when Blue looked right at Ronan and her lips moved and he knew what was coming.
“Fuuuck” he breathed out as she called out “Ronan.”
He had to physically stop himself from stalking over because he knew his naturally aggressive energy wouldn’t help anyone. Blue just looked up at him, tired and shaky, her makeup smudged and hair escaping from its clips and almost whispered, “Will you accept this rose?”
Ronan shook his head in exasperation but what came out of his mouth was, “Yes, fuck it.”
Somewhere someone giggled and he knew he’d be bleeped, but he let her pin the rose on and then he grasped her quaking hand and gave it a squeeze. She nodded like she accepted his encouragement.
On his way back, he saw several of the men frowning at him, probably in disgust for swearing in front of Blue, but he only had eyes for Adam who was appraising him with clear blue eyes and a little tilt of his head. It almost made Ronan trip as he got back in line.
Then Blue named “Gansey” and he actually did trip getting himself out of the line and all but skipping up to her. Blue went through the motions mechanically but Gansey looked like he’d been gifted every Christmas and birthday gift at once. Ronan rolled his eyes.
Then there were stilted goodbyes from the men who didn’t get roses (Ronan was pleased that Blue had weeded out five of the worst he’d overheard; he knew she was a good judge of character) and more toasts and retakes. Blue was finally hustled out while the remaining men were gathered together and given room assignments. They would be moving from the quarantine hotel to the resort later that day after some sleep, so they were given key cards and roommates.
Gansey saluted him with his key card when they found out they’d be together, sharing a suite with Noah and a Henry who Ronan could only see had really tall hair. Ronan nodded back, relieved and yet a little disappointed he wasn’t living with Adam.
The sun was coming up over the mountains before Ronan was finally allowed to stumble out of the resort and gulp down fresh air. He wanted to be in the first of the vehicles back to the hotel until the nervous young PA that he’d been quarantined with sidled up, looked around to make sure they weren’t being seen, and slipped him a flip phone.
“What the hell?”
“It’s from Blue. Keep it out of sight. No one can know.” She made a cutting motion across her throat that made Ronan laugh and suddenly like her after two weeks of her meek invisibility.
“What’s your name?”
“Oh, now you care?” she snapped. “I’m Opal. Keep that away from anyone else or you’ll be out on your ass. Blue will call you when she can sneak away but never call her or anyone else.”
“Got it, boss. Thanks.”
Her look was withering and much older than her actual age, but Ronan was impressed by the amount of vitriol it contained. He walked around the corner of the building and was glad he was out of sight when the phone vibrated in his hand.
“Yo.”
“Ronan, oh my god, what is going on.”
“How the hell should I know,” he snapped. “What the fuck, why did you keep us?”
“I panicked.”
“Yeah, no shit.”
“I couldn’t help it. I wanted to just pick no one, get rid of you all and go home,” Blue’s voice definitely sounded anxious. “But they wouldn’t let me so I just wanted to feel safe so I chose you guys.”
“Yeah,” Ronan said in a gentler voice. “I get it. You wanted to make us suffer too.”
“I wanted to know I had a couple friends around,” Blue said quietly.
He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. “Don’t think this means we’re going to be wearing matching friendship bracelets and braiding each other’s hair.” Her snort of laughter sounded watery, like she was still holding back tears so he went on, “Didn’t you find any prime pieces of man meat that you can’t wait to date?”
“Oh god,” she half-cried.
“No hunks you want to jump? No wangs you wanna bang?”
“Oh my god, no!” she said and Ronan was relieved she sounded a little more in control. “Well, maybe.”
“Oh yeah? Which ones are you gonna be dreaming about when you finally get to sleep today?”
“I thought you weren’t going to gossip about boys with me.”
“I’m not. This is a one-time offer.”
“Oh. Then, well, I kind of liked Aiden.”
“Who the fuck is Aiden?”
“You know, the one I gave the first impression rose to. He has a really nice smile.”
“Adam.”
“What?”
“His name is Adam,” Ronan said shortly and didn’t it just figure that for some unholy reason he and Blue shared a type.
“Oh, shit. I’m terrible with the names. There were so many of you and I couldn’t always hear over the producers and the background noise. Shit, I hope I didn’t call him the wrong name to his face.”
Ronan ran a hand over his tired face. “I’m sure it’s fine. Was he the only one you found attractive?”
“There were a couple others that look good, and I enjoyed talking with, but everyone is so fake. It’s all a big act, like a huge audition. Why does anyone think that this is a viable way to find true love?”
“Calm down. I think there are a couple who feel that way, actually. Or they’re going to pull a very long con on you. Like that professor dude.”
“Professor dude?”
“Yeah, the one that apparently mortally insulted you then gave you a book.”
“Oh, Gen Z.”
“That’s not his name,” Ronan snorted.
“No, but he was one that the producers strongly hinted I should keep around. Like that smarmy guy with the slicked back hair?”
“Yeah,” Ronan sighed, suddenly very tired and ready for the night to end. “Just do what feels right to you, Blue. Try and make the best of it. And give the professor a shot maybe. I ended up cornered by him and while he knows more about old Welsh kings than anyone alive should, he seemed decent. But definitely watch out for Aaron with the blond hair and Timothy because I heard them both saying really disgusting things about women.”
“What kinds of things?”
“You don’t want to know,” he said shortly. “But you don’t want to date someone who talks like that.”
“Gotcha. But, what about Adam?”
Ronan closed his eyes. “He seemed like a good guy. Reserved, wary but I think … I think there could be something good there. Just, be careful.”
“OK, and Ronan? Thank you. So much.”
“Yeah, yeah. Go get some sleep, can’t have you looking like shit on your first date.”
She grumbled but disconnected. Ronan stood outside and took some deep breaths. Oh well, he was getting paid to do fuck all. It was really nice out in the mountains in early fall. He had nothing better to do. He might as well make the best of it.
And do his very best to ignore Adam.