Chapter Text
Veni, Vici, Vici
Chapter 1
No one is so brave that they are not disturbed by something unexpected
We are guided by the existence of something greater than ourselves- our faith.
Faith.
Michael walked beyond the town limits of New Eden and mulled that over. A word that seemed to be on everyone's tongue and mind during this mission. A connection between her captain and these people of New Eden who were so far on the opposite side of the galaxy that only the spore drive could reach them. Yet there was a common thread between these people and him. That statement was made by a woman, All Mother, who was so far removed from Earth that she should not have any common knowledge with her captain---yet those words could have been from his mouth.
Faith.
Michael understood it, at least what the word meant and the concept. She believed in science, what could be proven, and faith was, by its very definition, believing in what could not be proven. She respected people’s ways of life, their beliefs, their cultures, but for some reason it bothered her that Captain Pike was a man of faith.
Beyond just faith in the spore drive to get them here. Beyond his faith in her assessments and ability.
Perhaps it bothered her that he was willing to open up debate about his faith and try to share it with her.
No.
It bothered her that she wanted to debate with him but was reluctant to do so because she did not want to hurt him or what he stood for. This was not a chess match where it would end with a handshake and anticipation of the next game. This was the foundation of who he was, how he survived---- and it was personal.
It wasn’t about his faith at all. Her problem was about his faith in her.
It bothered her that she wanted to know more about him---personally. She wanted to understand what he saw here on Terralysium and why this building, a church, on the other side of the galaxy was so very important to him. She wanted to understand how he connected with the people here, how he knew what to say, and how he looked so comfortable. How he was so good at this.
And he looked good .
Not that that was ever up for debate, but she was having a hard time ignoring it here. His guard being down, the sheer beauty of this man, and the invitation to get personal---it was territory she was not comfortable exploring. Oh she missed Tilly! Or maybe she didn’t, because Tilly would have been insufferable about the away outfit, how he lit up in the church and how this walk under the stars would have been so much better with him .
Yeah, maybe she was glad Tilly wasn’t here because she couldn't handle the embarrassment of her commentary right now. That didn’t save her from her own conflicted feelings. She had chosen to take a walk alone after meeting with All-Mother at dinner in an attempt to get a handle on the inappropriate feelings she was having about her captain. Instead of doing that she was channeling advice from her roommate who would want answers as soon as she got back to the ship. She was avoiding her own thought and allowing Tilly's instrusive ones to speak over her own. She knew it was an avoidance tactic. It was also comforting and offered her support. It wasn't helping her accept answers.
Real Tilly's questions would come with the equally embarrassing imagery. Why was she avoiding him? Why did that sweater he chose to wear unravel her concentration? Maybe this wasn’t about faith or his clothes. Maybe it was about him without his clothes. Him calling out God’s name for a whole different reason.
Yeah. Tilly would have told her exactly what her problem was if she was here. However this was about more than sex or the obvious power imbalance of the pursuit of a relationship. It was about more than her past failings and hurt over Ash, it was about her. It was about being afraid to hurt him, just like she had been afraid to hurt him during a mere debate.
Why? She asked herself that and proceeded down the basic questioning of herself as she walked under the star filled skies. If she recognized her intentions and stopped, out of care for him, why was she still afraid of hurting him? Was her interest in him not for pure reasons?
First off, the away outfit he had chosen was downright sinful and she didn’t need Tilly here to remind her of that. Keeping her eyes off him had been difficult, especially since he was so relaxed on this planet that he took on a softer look than normal. Softer even than the kind and legendary captain they had already seen in his brief time with them. This world, Terralysium, and this town, New Eden, were far from being a primitive outpost on the far reaches of the galaxy. The way Pike acted, this wasn’t a mission, it seemed more like a visit home. He was comfortable, smooth, confident-as always- but this was a new level of personal vulnerability she had yet to see with him.
Or maybe it wasn’t, because he had selected her as a confidant on day one. To tell her sitting out the war took a toll on him, as it did her brother.
And it wouldn’t have bothered her if he wasn’t showing it exclusively to her.
She closed her eyes and stopped moving. She took a deep breath and tilted her head back and opened her eyes to look up and study the stars. Stars she may have never seen before because she had never been this far away from home. Yet...they reminded her of home, of a different life she once had with her family. Before she traveled among them, she used to look out and long to explore. It brought back memories, feelings, looking up at the stars tonight. So she could understand if the church here meant something. It meant so much that he had corrected her when she called it a mere building. The book on the podium was recognizable to him -even in pieces. The windows told a story he could translate. The greetings, he replied without missing a beat, were rooted in his past. This was more than just a journey to find a repeating distress call, Pike was in his element here.
And he was sharing it with her .
She swallowed hard and tried to allow herself to process that. Logically it meant attraction could be mutual. Which meant it was up to her to make a move because it would be inappropriate of him to do so.
Well, shit.
Normally she would need Tilly poking her and squealing about this to even notice this attempt to appeal to her human side, but Christopher Pike was a man who was very direct with his intentions and feelings. He chose her for this mission, he opened up the debate about the church, he looked at her with the most sincere look that even she could not deny was for her, and he wanted to share all of it with her.
An invitation. To see him. To do more than hear stories or cowboy wisdom-- to know more than the legend of Captain Pike, to see more than the transcripts of Cadet Pike, to get to know the man behind all the titles. He was unabashedly opening himself up to her--- knowing she would see it as a way to prove him wrong. Yet he accepted the risk, he accepted the vulnerability, because it was worth the risk.
Words spoken a year ago came back to her, from another Captain whose intentions were not nearly as pure. I know who you are, Michael Burnham. I know exactly who you are. I know you love being right. But I suspect that you hate being wrong even more, so, let me stop you going down a path you'll regret.
She sighed and focused more intently on the stars. They were grounding. They brought her back to a time when she was a carefree child who had a bright life ahead of her. A human life. Not the life of a girl scarred by her family’s murder, nor a child trying to suppress her human side to crush emotions and be more Vulcan. Nor the sister who hurt her brother so deeply in an effort to protect him. Nor the officer who threw away so many lives and started a war. The stars reminded her of a time when she was excited for her future and it was nothing but bright.
The last thing she wanted to do was think about Lorca, but he was so distinctly the polar opposite of Pike that it didn’t seem like an offense. And Lorca wasn’t wrong. She loved being right, but at what cost? If she picked apart Pike’s faith in an attempt to prove scientific reasoning and logic were superior, what was there to gain? He was offering her a chance to get to know him, to see the foundation of values on which he stood, and even if the bricks were made of different materials--did they not both arrive at the same structure? Weren’t they both dedicated to Starfleet?
Starfleet. Values they both lived by. And she thought of her own statement to Lorca that prompted his comment about how he knew her. And how, despite it all, he would show her how true those words were. Before I was a mutineer, I was a first officer in Starfleet. I'll never bear that rank or any other again. But it is who I am, and who I will always be. It is by the principles of the United Federation of Planets that I live. And by them I will most certainly die.
So why not let Lorca stop her from going down a path she would regret? She was being invited into the warmth and glow of a genuinely good man's offer of friendship- and possibly more. He wasn’t offering this to anyone else on his crew, just her . He kept picking her for missions and consultations, as Tilly pointed out. He called her by her first name, it was familiar and on purpose. And that warmth, the warmth that knowledge alone caused in her, felt good . His smile made her smile, talking with him made her feel human. It made her feel .
So she turned to go back to camp; go back to the offer to debate and ‘fellowship’ and find out where that path would lead. She walked forward, less lost, eager to see his smile and feel that warmth directed at her. He genuinely did delight in her answers, he liked being proven wrong. And she liked him, more than just professionally.
And it felt right to accept that.
She made her way back to the church, glad to see a faint light still on inside. It meant he was still in there, reading the book and absorbing the information from the glass windows. She moved through the bushes beside the building and saw something out of the corner of her eye, a wavering. She turned and squinted at it; it was something that was out of place. It looked like a ripple in the darkness, the kind of ripple you would see in a mirage in the desert---except this was far from a desert and the sun had set. That told her something wasn’t right. Maybe that was the beacon they were looking for? Their mission, which she had forgotten about because she let things get personal, was to find this beacon. So she went to investigate, perhaps a little disappointed this planet-side visit could come to an end so soon.
What she found was the proverbial rabbit hole---one of the physics variety. And before she could react she was sucked into a wormhole that should not have been there and had not been there before.