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Bitty let out a heaving breath as he and the rest of the team trudged into the locker room at the end of practice. It had been especially brutal because Jack had made them go over a drill they'd had problems with four times, all after they'd done the suicides that normally ended their practice.
Everyone was chatting as they got their things together, but Bitty was focused on getting his things together and leaving. He had this new muscle relaxing scrub he wanted to try out back at the Haus.
"Tough practice, huh?" He said to Jack in passing as he walked by. Jack was looking down and didn't really say anything until Bitty heard him mumble "Wouldn't BE so tough if you focused more on hockey and not fucking pie."
Bitty almost stopped dead, wondering if he'd really heard him right, but didn't, to afraid of the answer. It wasn't the first time someone had said something to him in a locker room with that much but just the first in a long time from Jack. He kept walking to his locker and rushed to put his things in the bag so he could just leave. His eyes prickled but he blinked a few times until he could feel his eyes drying.
"Hey. What's the rush?" Shitty said, watching Bitty throw the things into his bag. Ransom and Holster were off to the side, watching them curiously. Bitty shook his head and Shitty looked at him closer.
"What happened." He said flatly. Bitty looked out of the corner of his eye at him and sighed.
"Guys it's fine. Let's just go home, I'm exhausted ." Shitty's face could've been the dictionary definition of concern but Bitty smiled a little bit and walked past him.
His chest felt like a black hole. Did Jack honestly think he wasn't trying? That all he thought about was pie? He did bake a lot but he came here to be himself and that was part of it. It didn't mean he wasn't focused on hockey.
His eyes started to prick and burn and he sped up to get out of the building and back to the Haus. It seemed like the walk took a lot longer than normal, but he was walking faster than normal.
When he finally made it to the Haus he dropped his bag and ran up the stairs to his room. The tears started to fall before he even made there and he started to cry in earnest once he'd slammed the door.
It wasn't honestly a big deal; people had told him he shouldn't bake so much before, but this time just felt so much worse.
He'd thought he and Jack were getting along better. Jack had even asked him out to coffee the other day. Had he done something to piss him off? Or had he just been imagining all their progress?
Bitty laid on his bed and eventually stop crying. He just laid there on his back and replayed all the things he'd done the past few days with Jack. He couldn't think if anything that he'd done that was wrong or anything that said Jack was angry/wider than usual. Bitty couldn't think of one thing add he laid there.
Everyone got home a little later, and Bitty hurriedly wiped his face. He had no intention of telling anyone about it because it wasn't honestly a big deal. Jack saying something to him at practice wasn't unheard of or even unusual. He was taking it harder because well. Liking a person who not only do you not have a chance with but also will never like you anyway is stressful.
Bitty had just finished wiping his face when he could heard footsteps coming up the hallway. There was a pause and then a hesitant knock at the door. It was probably just Shitty asking if everything was alright but Bitty couldn't picture himself going out there with a straight face. He put his face into his hands and signed and then went to answer the door.
"Yes?"
"Bits, you okay?" It WAS Shitty and if the way his eyebrows were furrowed was any indication, he hadn't done a very good job of hiding the tears.
"Yeah. I'm just a little tired, so-"
"Tired doesn't equal crying." Bitty scowled. Shitty wasn't taking no as an answer.
"Maybe I yawned." Shitty raised an eyebrow and Bitty's face crumpled.
"I just don't want to do this right now. It wasn't even that big of a deal." He said miserably. Shitty frowned.
"Ok. I'll let you deal with it. But at least let me give you a hug?" Bitty nodded and Shitty pulled him into a bone crushing hug. Bitty squeezed him back, although not nearly as tight.
When the senior pulled away, he smiled at Bitty and grabbed his shoulder. His expression was soft and Bitty appreciated him not pressing the issue more than words could say.
How could he explain that the slightest negative thing Jack said to him made him feel like crap without it seeming like he was to sensitive or worse, that he liked him? He had finally admitted to himself that he DID like him but that wasn't something he wanted anyone- especially Jack- to know.
Bitty flopped onto his bed stomach first and pulled out his phone to tweet something random that had nothing to do with Jack Zimmerman.
He didn't bake that night.
The next day he got up and immediately got his clothes out to get dressed. His shower was quick and all the usual morning sluggishness that normally didn't go away until he'd had a coffee was barely even there. Bitty was downstairs by 8:30 packing his bag before he realized it was Saturday.
He normally made breakfast for everyone if there wasn't anything going on. Bitty bit his lip and stepped out the door, deciding that he could find something else to do all day (that wasn't homework) besides baking or staying in the Haus all day.
Bitty walked for a while before deciding that The Beach would be pretty when the sun was still just warming up and the wind wasn't blowing. Bitty hummed a little bit before stopping and focusing on his walk. Beyonce's "Rocket" could wait until he could actually appreciate the musical version of perfection.
The brisk walk was twenty minutes of Bitty letting the sun play on his skin and warm him through his jacket. He walked slowly, but when he got there it was still mostly empty. Bitty took a spot half under a tree and pulled out a notebook.
He just doodled in the margins at first but then started to think about yesterday. The mixture of swirls starts and tiny hearts grew more complicated as Bitty thought about Jack.
He probably was to sensitive. Jack could have said something worse and it would have been true. Bitty hadn't honestly been doing as well as he could have and Jack had some sort of instinctual sense of that. It didn't change that it was kind of mean.
Bitty slammed his notebook shut in frustration because his thoughts were just going around ant around in circles. He huffed and leaned back against the tree. It was a gorgeous day outside and he was wasting it by stressing about Jack. That could wait for another time.
He stared up at the blue cloudless sky and kind of zoned out. He thought about all the homework he could (and probably should) be doing and sighed. He'd brought his bag for a reason and it WASN'T going to be just for appearances.
Bitty grabbed his folders and pulled out his half started work from the math class he was required to take. He got to work and sat there for a good hour or so, only pausing when he realized his phone was vibrating.
When he picked it up, they'd already hung up but had also left like 20 texts.
Ransom, Holster and Shitty had all texted him a minimum of five times each and they ranged from "Hey where r u" To "call or Im sendn a search party n ten".
Lardo and Chowder had texted him like twice too. Bitty groaned and put his head against the tree behind him. It definitely wasn't like him to not being on his phone and he wasn't sure how everyone was going to react to him saying he'd just forgotten about it.
He decided to call Chowder back (the one who'd called him just now) because he'd be the easiest to deal with. He took a deep breath and pressed the call button.
"Hello? Chowder?"
"Bitty? Oh my gosh. We've been texting you are you okay? I mean not that you have to check in but they said you weren't there when they got up and you missed breakfast- not that you have to make us breakfast or anything but-"
"Chowder breathe. Calm down." Chowder started to talk again and Bitty shushed him. "I just went for a walk this morning to The Lake and lost track of time. I'll be back at the Haus in twenty minutes tops. Y'all need me to get anything?" He said while packing up his bag.
"Oh okay. Let me ask Shitty, they were all worried and stuff." Bitty got his bag on his shoulder and started to walk while her heard Chowder from a distance on the phone.
"Bitty called me! He said he went on a walk and everything's fine and if you wanted anything but I don't know where he'd go just walking around with bags-"
"He called you? Bro I was actually fucking worried about that little shit!" Shitty shouted. Random and Holster made similar exclamations when (it was hard to tell from the muffled sound) they heard him. Chowder butted in before they got to carried away in their ramblings.
"But do you guys need anything? Bitty told me to ask you-"
"Breakfast."
"Cereal!"
"Food." They all said at once.
Bitty smiled a little as he started to walk toward the Stop & Shop. Chowder had started to talk again and Bitty had force himself to pay attention.
"Well they said that they want mainly breakfast because they didn't eat because we were looking around. Hey!" There was a rustle and some chatter before Chowder was back.
"Nursery and Dex just got here, do you want us to meet you it anything? We can carry stuff?" Bitty laughed a little bit and shook his head before realizing that Chowder couldn't see him.
"No, it's fine. I'll be home soon okay?"
"Bye! See you in a little while, Bitty!" Chowder hung up and Bitty sped up his pace. He'd buy them some cereal and maybe frozen waffles (although he'd be ashamed to even have then in the Haus). He just...wasn't in the mood for baking.
His good mood began to evaporate as he thought about explaining to everyone why he'd skipped out on breakfast and why he wasn't going to make it now.
If he was being honest with himself it was definitely because of what Jack said. He was over the fact that Jack had said it- he said things about trying harder in hockey all the time-but the baking part worried him.
Did Jack honestly think that? Did everyone else think that? Jack has just brought all the bad thoughts about how he'd been playing since his concussion back to the surface.
He was still lost in thought as he went into the Stop & Shop and picked up the cereal, and the milk they were going to need to replace if they were all going to be having cereal.
He rang up at the register and the cashier gave him a smile so wide that Bitty actually wanted to smile back. He walked home with the Captain Crunch and Frosted Flakes (the latter being specifically requested by Random in a text) and a gallon of milk.
He walked home in ten minutes and immediately was bear hug upon opening the Haus door.
"Bitty!" Shitty had flung himself onto Bitty's neck and hung off of him when he'd righted them both. Random and Holster parted hook on the shoulder and Chowder hugged him.
Everyone started to talk at that exact moment so Bitty smiled and nodded and moved toward the kitchen. He wasn't in the mood for cooking the normal huge breakfast so he'd leave them the cereal. It really felt like he was betraying his mother by NOT coming, but he knew (in his head at least) that everything would be fine. He would just bake another day.
"Bits. Please. Will you make waffles? For us?" Holster was saying add he pulled out the cereals. His pout was comical.
"I need to study. I'm sorry! I promise I'll make y'all all individual pies, OK?" Bitty slowly backed out of the kitchen and ran up the status to his room. He could still hear the lingering murmur of them asking what was up with him.
Bitty just laid back on his bed and breathed for a few seconds before dinnertime knocked on the door. He blew the hair out of his eyes and answered the door to Lardo. He hasn't even realized she was there when he was downstairs.
"Bits, you OK? Everyone was worried about you this morning..." Her subtle hint of 'tell us and we can take care if'it wasn't exactly lost on him.
"Yeah I'm sorry. I forgot to leave a note and I lost track of time..." She had started raising an eyebrow at him before 'forgot' had even left his mouth. He flushed at her intense gaze and then just beckoned her into his room.
"So what's really wrong? We normally have the opposite of no baking when you're upset." She said dumping herself on his bed. He was silent while he thought, long enough that her head popped up from where she was laying.
"Well... Do you guys think I bake TOO much?" He rushed out.
"Bits, I don't think I've ever had such good fit into you got here. Baking to much is impossible with the way just Random and Holster eat." She drawled, sitting up. Lardo patted the space on the bed next to her and he reluctantly went to sit down.
"Who said so?"
"... That wasn't exactly what he said. It was more like you should focus on hockey instead of baking." Bitty realized his mistake when Lardo's normally light eyes darkened.
"So it was Jack."
"No! Well yes, but he didn't mean it the way I took it but yes. Kind of." Lardo looked at him funny for a second and then got up and went to the door.
"No! Don't tell him, I'll figure out it." She didn't even say anything, just gave him a look.
"Well," he bit his lip. "I'll talk to him tomorrow. But just give me today?" She sighed and nodded.
"Bitty c'mere. Give me a hug." She said, opening her arms. Bitty hugged her and everything was better for that moment.
The next day Bitty got up and stretched. The rest of the day after he and Largos talk, he'd studied and basically just hidden in his room. He hasn't made dinner and he felt horrible about that, but at least he felt better about generally everything today.
Bitty put on his slippers and went downstairs to start making the waffles and eggs. He hadn't been been in the kitchen for fifteen minutes before someone came in behind him.
"Morning!"
"Morning, Bittle." Bitty froze as he realized that the other person in the room was Jack.
"So. Um. How'd you sleep?" Bitty said, trying not to make things awkward. He'd said he'd talk to him today but it was just to weird and kind of scary to bring it up.
"Fine... Um is something wrong?" Bitty looked over his shoulder and for a second the only thing making noise was the eggs.
"Not exactly, why?" Jack came around so they were facing each other.
"Well, you didn't bake yesterday and you still won't look at me straight." His voice was lower than normal and he looked sad. Bitty was shocked-and angry.
Bitty was starting almost completely open mouthed at him. He figured Jack didn't realize how much Bitty had thought about what he said but to have no idea?
"Well besides the fact that I've been thinking if you really meant what you said after practice, everything else is completely hunky dory." His tone was bland and bored and he looked down at the eggs.
"What?" Bitty looked up at him, and realized that Jack looked stricken.
"What you said to me at practice..." Bitty said, watching Jack's face. His voice was harder than he thought it'd be.
"When I said about focusing... I've just been thinking a lot about how we've been hanging out and just us in general and also how well we've been playing and I just got nervous." He stopped. " I'm sorry."
As soon add he said sorry, a knot in Bitty's chest released and ask he felt was relieve. He was thankful but another part of what Jack had just said caught his attention and he focused on that.
"Thank you for that, but did i just hear you say 'us'?" Jack flushed and made a small nod.
"It's just we hang out so much and I talked to Shitty and he said-" Bitty started laughing then and he couldn't stop. He had been hung up on this dork for what seemed like forever and never said anything and Jack had been talking about it Shitty.
"What?" Jack said, looking panicked.
"Nothing." And then Bitty kissed him. It was soft and sweet until Jack grabbed his waist and pulled him closer. Bitty threw his arms around his neck and everything was perfect. When they pulled apart, Bitty smirked.
"So I forgive you." Jack smiled at Bitty and Bitty beamed back up at him. Bitty leaned up to kiss Jack and everything was perfect.