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Another Part of Me, Not Til Eternity
There weren’t a lot of people who understood the relationship that Julie Molina and Luke Patterson had. Friends since they met the first day in kindergarten when Luke told Julie she had pretty hair because it was curly and soft and Julie told Luke he had a nice smile. Inseparable since then, there was never a moment when the two of them weren’t together. It was convenient that they also lived down the street from each other as it made it easier for them to spend every waking moment together.
They shared a love of music, Julie playing the piano and loving to sing and Luke being a guitar prodigy who had an awesome voice. When Alex and Reggie joined the picture in the 3rd grade, they became a foursome and the rest was history.
When Luke broke his arm on the playground in the fourth grade, it was Julie who took over the lyric writing in his journal until he could write again. She teased him that she may have to take the job permanently because his handwriting looked like he had a broken arm every day.
When Julie was bullied in the fifth grade for the gap in her teeth, it was Luke that threatened the boy who did it, promising to make him suffer if he ever said anything to Julie ever again.
When Luke had a huge fight with his parents in the seventh grade, it was Julie’s house he ran to and Julie who hid him in her room for three days that summer, sneaking him food and making sure he didn’t have to go home until he was ready.
When Julie’s mom got sick in the eighth grade, it was Luke who was there, holding her when she cried, taking her to the hospital for visits and using his guitar to sing songs to her and her Mom to cheer them up.
And when Julie’s mom passed away the year after, it was Luke who was there for her in every way she needed and more. She lost the music in her for a while but it was Luke who brought it back to her and Luke who made sure she never lost it again. It was Luke who suggested she join his band with Reggie and Alex, Sunset Curve, which eventually became Julie and the Phantoms. It was Luke who kept her going through it all and never left her side.
The comments about the nature of their relationship began in middle school. Now seniors in high school, everyone wanted to know why they weren’t dating. There was rarely a moment when they weren’t side by side, even touching. Luke was a very tactile person; he expressed himself through touch and it translated to him and Julie having a very affectionate relationship: hugging, hand holding, arms around each other, cuddling. It was another reason why so many people questioned the nature of their relationship. They both had learned to kind of ignore it at this point. They both also had no idea they were secretly in love with the other and were afraid to do anything about it.
For Julie, it started back in the fifth grade when Luke had defended her from that bully. He’d always been there for her before, but there was something about the way his entire face had changed when she told him what happened, the way he’d stormed off immediately during their lunch in search of said boy and had him up against the wall by the collar of his shirt in minutes. She felt a flutter in her stomach and her heart clenched. He’d always been cute, gorgeous even, but this was… this was a new feeling. Julie was sure there was always a part of her that had a crush on Luke but in that moment, she knew it was more than that.
For Luke, it started the summer after sixth grade. Like Julie, he’d never been blind to her beauty, to how amazing she was (she was his best friend for a reason) but there was a particular moment that did it for him. They were about to go to a classmate’s end of the year/start of summer party and there were rumours going around that they were going to play spin the bottle at that party. Julie was a nervous wreck and before he could stop himself, he suggested they kiss now so they could be each other’s first kisses and not have to worry about it.
Even now, a blush came to his cheeks when he thought about it.
“Jules, why are you pacing like that?” Luke asked from his spot on her bedroom floor, guitar in his lap. He took the guitar strap off his shoulders and set it beside him, leaning against Julie’s bed, a look of concern on his face.
“I’m freaking out, Luke!” She said, still pacing, throwing her hands up in the air.
“Yeah, I can see that. You’re going to burn a hole in your floor.” He replied with a fond expression. “The question is why.”
She finally stopped pacing and looked at him, letting out a sigh. She moved over to where he was sitting on the floor cross legged and sat in front of him, crossing her legs in the same way. She plucked one of her curls from her mass of hair and curled it around her finger, a nervous habit.
“Julie,” he said softly, reaching out and touching her hand that wasn’t tangled in her hair, “tell me what’s going on.”
“Did you hear the rumour about the party tomorrow?” She bit her lip as she looked at him.
His brows furrowed. “What rumour?”
“That it’s basically going to turn into a make out party.”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I heard. Reggie was practically bouncing off the walls in anticipation of it. Talking about doing lip exercises to prepare.” He shook his head. “So what’s the problem? We don’t have to go, you know.” He shrugged.
“I want to go! But I… I just don’t know if I’m ready to make out with some random guy, to have my first kiss be that way.” She said the last bit in a small voice, a shy one and Luke felt a feeling flutter in his stomach that he wasn’t used to feeling.
Before he could think about it, words were spilling out of his mouth. “So let’s make sure that doesn’t happen then.” She looked up at him in confusion and surprise and he flushed a little. He wasn’t used to feeling like this around her. Sure, he’d always known she was pretty and talented and amazing. But she was Julie. And he was here, what, blushing talking to her, suggesting… he didn’t even know what he was suggesting yet.
“What?” She asked and he looked at his hand, the one joined with hers and swallowed roughly.
“I’ll uh…” he paused, “I’ll be your first kiss.” He said and then he sucked in a breath. “And I mean, you can be mine too. And then, you won’t have to worry about it and we’ll know our first kiss wasn’t with someone random we didn’t care about.” The words spilled out of his lips before he had a chance to stop them and now, his heart was beating out of his chest waiting for her to answer him.
“You’d do that for me?” She asked in a soft, nervous voice that he wasn’t used to hearing her use.
“‘Course,” he replied instantly. “I’d do anything for you, Julie, you know that.”
And then there was silence. He kind of held his breath, waiting for a response. He wondered where the hell that had all come from but at the same time, he didn’t. He knew. He liked Julie. Probably for a lot longer than he realized.
“Okay,” she finally said. He looked up in surprise.
“Okay?” He asked, making sure he heard her correctly.
“Okay. Let’s be each other’s first kisses.” She responded, breaking out into a smile. He couldn’t help but grin back at her.
“Do you uh… do you want to do it now?” He questioned softly, reaching up and scratching the back of his head, a bit of a nervous habit of his. When she nodded, he nodded too and tried to remember the last thing he’d eaten. A candy bar. Awesome. That meant he’d taste like chocolate, right?
He scooted forward a bit, their knees touching from their spots sitting facing each other, crossed legged on the floor. He took her other hand in his so he was holding both of hers and tangled their fingers together in their laps. He looked at her one last time before closing his eyes. Sure, he had no idea what he was doing but he hoped he wasn’t terrible at this and a part of him knew it couldn’t possibly be a bad kiss because it was with Julie.
Taking a deep breath, he leaned forward and when he felt her nose brush his cheek he felt the flutters in his stomach again. And then his lips were against hers and he couldn’t think of anything but how nice it felt and how soft they were. He didn’t really know what to do but he tried moving his lips a little bit with hers and when she responded and he heard her sigh against him his heart went a little nuts. A few moments passed and then she pulled back and his eyes remained closed for mere seconds before fluttering open and finding hers. They smiled at each other and then she was throwing herself forward at him, her arms going around his neck in a hug. He responded immediately, hugging her around her middle and burying his face in her hair.
“That was really nice.” She said into his neck, muffled. “Thank you, Luke.”
“Sure.” He managed to answer in a whisper.
Yeah, he was a goner.
Now, they were at the end of their senior year of high school, applying to colleges (well Julie was, Luke insisted that he didn’t need college to pursue music and although she’d always accept his choices, she secretly hoped he’d apply to the music program at USC with her), getting ready to to take on the world.
There had been times when they both had dated other people but that didn’t squash the rumours about them. Julie had been with Nick for 6 months in junior year, even lost her virginity to him because she thought she loved him. Turns out she didn’t and it was just the idea of him she had loved. Luke was there when they broke up and Julie needed someone.
Just like she was there for him when he broke up with Jennie. He dated her sophomore year. It didn’t escape everyone that she was very similar to Julie: curly brown hair, musical talent. He thought he really cared for her, so much so that he lost his virginity to her after dating a few months. Then she told him she was moving and couldn’t be with him any more and he wondered why he wasn’t as upset and heartbroken about it as he should be.
Julie and Luke had a routine, one that was only interrupted when absolutely necessary. Drive home from school together (usually Luke would drive his clunker but sometimes Julie would borrow the car and drive them), do their homework (sometimes together, sometimes apart) until dinner, have dinner either together or in their respective homes and them spend the night hanging out, whether on face time, in person or on the phone until bed.
On this particular day Luke had given Julie a ride home as per usual and Julie had actually gone to her own house because she did have homework to do and Luke could be a bit of a distraction. But once she had finished her homework, she decided to go over and bug him, and likely help him finish his homework since he tended to procrastinate. She didn't even have to knock anymore, she just let herself in. It was something they'd both gotten used to over the years. He always let himself into her house too. It was normal for them, routine, ordinary. Everyone was used to it.
"Hi Emily!" she called into the kitchen as she made her way down the hall to Luke’s room in his bungalow house.
"Hi Julie dear!" Emily replied as Julie rounded the corner towards Luke’s door. She smiled as she burst into Luke’s room, wondering if she’d catch him writing songs, playing guitar or playing video games today. It was usually one of the three things he chose to do when he was putting off his homework.
Luke dropped his controller, startled, and looked to see Julie in his doorway. "Jesus, Jules, you scared the crap out of me, I thought you were Mom coming in to ask me if I was done with my homework yet." His books were sprawled out behind him on the bed, ignored, as he bent over to grab his controller to unpause the game he was playing. "So what's up? Done with your homework already or did you just miss me that much?" He asked, not taking his eyes off the screen.
Julie rolled her eyes, looking at the door that she had closed behind her. "Your mom wouldn't have just burst in, Luke. She always knocks. But maybe she should have since you're playing video games instead of doing your homework." She looked at him briefly. He looked the same as he had at school but he’d taken off his signature beanie and his hair was sticking out in every direction. She smiled, shaking her head fondly, he was such a boy.
"I'm all done with my homework, obviously, and I'm bored and I missed you all at once!" She said, plopping on his bed. "Plus I knew you'd need help with the homework thing because clearly I know you too well," she said, gesturing to his abandoned books on the bed beside them.
Luke turned off the game and tossed his controller on the floor. "I know she wouldn't just burst in, but it freaked me out anyway. Besides, when you're here you nag me about it just as much." He collapsed backwards on his bed looking up at her. She had just spent the last few hours with her face buried in books and she still managed to look amazing. Was he really expected to not fall in love with her?
"So by ‘help’ you mean you brought over your totally finished math homework for me to copy?" he asked with a hopeful smile, trying to charm her like he did everyone else. He knew she was mostly immune to his charms having endured them for years but he still had to give it a shot. Plus, when the charm did work? The look on her face, the cute little blush she did was worth it.
She rolled her eyes yet again at his whining and then gave him an amused look as he flopped on the bed and looked up at her upside down. Even from that angle he was cute. Okay, he was always cute.
"Nice try, Romeo," she said with another eye roll. "No. By ‘help’ I mean help . I'll help you finish it so you don't get in trouble. I am never letting you copy my stuff again after that incident in biology. 'Oh please Jules, lemme copy your lab report, no one will ever know and it'll be done!'" she scoffed. “Never again,” she said firmly.
He protested with a small pout, "C’mon, Jules, I didn't sound like that!" He sat up and smoothed out his hair a bit. "Besides, biology and math are totally different." He knew it was worthless protesting, because Julie was always serious about homework, but he had realized lately that he kinda liked that stern face she gave him, so he hadn't really eased up. "Do you really have nothing better to do than to babysit me to make sure I do homework?" He was pushing it, he knew he was, but he couldn’t help it. He loved teasing her.
Julie shrugged. "Well, I finished mine so nope, nothing else to do right now. Not like I can write songs for our band without you!" She gave a little smile. She loved their songwriting sessions. She always felt so connected to him and her mom when they wrote together.
"Come on.” She tugged on his books on the bed and moved them towards him “The sooner you finish the sooner you can start blowing things up again in that War of Worldcraft game of yours."
Luke laughed. “It’s World of Warcraft, Jules, and no one plays that anymore.” He sighed with a pout that turned into a devious smile, “Or... I could do what I always do when you're not looking and have some lovesick girl at school let me borrow her homework and copy off of her instead.”
Julie gasped a bit, “Luke! You do not take advantage of lovesick girls! Do you? Oh, that's awful! Don't you dare!"
“I'm totally kidding!" He wasn't. He picked up his notebook and started jotting down some answers.
Julie couldn't picture him doing it... well, then again, he did do drastic things when he was desperate and he did have a lot of admirers at school. She couldn’t blame them really. Between that infectious smile, the way he was always full of energy, the charm and those arms of his? Nope, couldn’t blame them at all. She gave a satisfied nod when he started working on it himself, crossing her legs on the bed and patting her skirt down.
Luke actually expected a lighter chastising, maybe a slap on the knee, but she seemed genuinely disappointed in him. He didn’t like that feeling. No, he wouldn’t be doing that ever again.
"So are we going to that party at Carrie’s this weekend?" he asked as he was writing down an answer. He looked up at her from the bed, now laying on his stomach with the books in front of him, as he finished his question.
"That's this weekend? I had forgotten. Well, it was nice of her to invite, like, the whole school but… I don’t know, Luke. Carrie hates me. " Once she'd finished talking she took a moment and just looked at him while he worked. Girls hated her because of her close friendship with Luke and sometimes she hated it too because sometimes she wanted a hell of a lot more.
He scrunched up his face in concentration and almost missed her ramblings. "Huh? Nah, don’t worry about it. You guys were friends once, she doesn’t hate you. I'm glad you're actually coming. I didn’t know if you would.” Julie sometimes pretended that the fact that Carrie somehow hated her now didn’t bother her but Luke knew it did. He didn’t like that she felt that way but he couldn’t do anything about it except be there for her himself.
“Well, it'll be substantially less awkward if all our friends are there. At least then I won't feel out of place. Alex mentioned something about inviting Willie! I’m so happy for them!" She gushed a little when mentioning their band mate and friend and his new relationship. She was so happy that Alex had found someone and felt comfortable enough to bring him to events with their peers. He deserved the happiness.
Luke smiled at the mention of Alex and Willie. He worried about his friend a lot, he had it rough for a long time, so to see him finally being happy was nice.
“Yeah so, are you going to ask Nick or are you still pretending you’re over him?" he was teasing her but at the same time, there was a slight edge to his voice. No matter how nice Nick was, Luke did not like him and he didn’t deserve Julie in the slightest. He couldn't exactly tell her why he felt that way. He could tease her and make snide remarks about the guy, though, immature or not.
She rolled her eyes at the question and felt her cheeks go pink, but not because he was right, because little did he know who she really liked. "I do not like Nick!” She paused. “Anymore,” she finished. “How many times do I have to tell you? That was ages ago," she scoffed. "Stop getting distracted and finish your math. There might be some tres leche cake in it for you if you do. Otherwise I'll go home and leave you to it... alone..."
Luke rolled his eyes, "No straight guy wants to study with a girl that much without an ulterior motive, Jules." He really wished she would just stop hanging out with him, crush or not. He didn’t trust the guy. He was tired of his stupid pretty boy hair and the way he was just so nice .
Julie rolled her eyes at his insinuation. "It doesn't matter if he has an ulterior motive or not, I'm not interested in him in that way. He is a good friend, however."
He barely heard her answer to his Nick comment because he was entirely too focused on not showing his jealousy on his face. Then, luckily, she provided him with something else to focus on instead.
He raised his eyebrow, that eyebrow disappearing under his mop of hair on his forehead and looked at her. "How long would I have to wait for this cake?"
She sighed and then laughed when he asked about the tres leche cake. "Finish your math and find out," she said with a grin. Julie knew Luke couldn’t resist her baked goods. He never stopped eating and when it came to sweets, he could put away even more.
"Unless you're hiding cake up your skirt, I don't believe you actually made some, anyway. Tres leche cake is a tomorrow reward whereas homework and hungry Luke are a right now problem." He put his notebook down and started patting her thighs, pretending to frisk her like a police officer. He lifted the bottom of her skirt just enough to get a rise out of her, but not enough to actually see anything.
Julie yelped when he lifted her skirt a bit and started patting her, going red and jumping. "Luke!" She slapped his hands. "Stop that!" She couldn't help but giggle. "Stop! You do not just lift a girl's skirt like that!" She stuck her tongue out at him. "The cake is at my house, I'll have you know, which is literally two seconds from here, smart ass."
He smiled broadly as he picked up his homework. Yeah, there was no way he'd be able to concentrate on it now. He really shouldn't have done that.
"Pfft, as if I’d want to look up there anyways.” He tried to play it off as if it was nothing when the truth was the farthest thing from that. He’d probably lose it if he actually saw up her skirt. In fact, the mere thought of it was causing a little blood to rush south. He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head.
“Besides, it's not like it's nothing I haven't seen. Remember in kindergarten on our class trip to the zoo? I wouldn't be surprised if you found underwear with music notes on them in adult sizes." He gave her a little smirk, waiting for her reaction. Teasing her was a good distraction from the feelings she gave him.
“Luke!" She gaped at him. He was not teasing her about her underwear. "I was like five! And that kid in our class felt the need to lift my skirt in front of everyone! I can't believe you're bringing that up." She swatted at the back of his head playfully, lightly. "Do your homework, Luke." She stuck her tongue out at him.
Luke sighed and winced a little at the gentle smack, pretending to be hurt but smiling all the same. How much longer could he really keep pretending things weren't weird, that he didn’t feel the way he did? Maybe he was doing a better job than he thought because Julie didn't seem put off by him at all. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that she had forgotten to pull her skirt back down and he just wanted to run his fingers along her thigh right there. He could only imagine it was just as soft and smooth as the rest of her.
"I, uh, can you help me with this one?" His voice cracked a little bit on the question and he cleared his throat after.
Luke was distracted, she could tell he was but she wasn't calling him on it because she was distracted too. By him. And the playful touching thing and the teasing. Her heart was fluttering. Should it be fluttering for her best friend? Probably not but she had gotten used to the feeling since it happened like all of the time. She still didn’t know how she managed to squash down her feelings for so long.
"Hmm?" she asked. "Oh, sure, of course. Which one is it?" She leaned over a bit to get a better view of his book.
Luke pointed to the next one down the list, it was all kinds of incomprehensible now that his mind was wandering. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in closer to give her a better look at the book. They hugged and sat close to each other all the time, it was just the nature of their relationship. They were very touchy-feely, very affectionate. Plus, Luke was such a tactile person. He expressed himself with touch. It was why they were teased so much about looking like a couple. He just happened to enjoy it for other reasons now. And it was all pretty innocent anyways. Didn’t mean it didn’t drive Luke crazy though.
Julie got some goosebumps on her side where he pulled her in and she kind of smiled at him a little, trying very hard to focus on the book in front of her and not the way it felt to be close to him or how he smelled or how warm he was. She sort of dropped her head on his shoulder as she read through the book and then explained it softly.
He wrote down the answers and closed his book. "I think that's the last of it." He always had less homework than Julie because he didn't take the serious classes she took and she was also in a lot of accelerated ones that he'd never be able to keep up with. And he didn’t want to. School was not his future. Music was.
"Jules, I have something very serious to tell you.” He paused for dramatic effect. “I'm in love with your tres leche cake, and when the state of California recognizes our love I will marry it." He acted as if he was making a very dramatic and very serious declaration of love to her cake in the hopes of making her laugh. And in the hopes of getting some of that delicious cake.
When he started talking she seriously thought he was going to tell her something important so when he made the comments about her cake, she burst out in a giggle. She reached over and pinched his cheek playfully. He swatted at her hands with his but was smiling the whole time.
"Such a cute boy!" she said in a baby voice. "Alright, alright. A promise is a promise. You'll have to let me go if you want it though. I have to run home and get it."
"I don't get why you didn't bring it here in the first place," he said with a pout as he took his arm off her, slightly disappointed. He figured he could probably blame that look on the fact that he didn't instantly get his reward, though. He began packing his books up. “C'mon, if you don't get back soon I'll eat my cake while playing games and totally ignore you."
Julie rolled her eyes and smiled. "Keep your pants on, Patterson, I'm going." She climbed off the bed and straightened her skirt before heading out the door and down the street to get him his precious dessert. She took the few moments she was alone to think. She'd always had a crush on Luke but she'd always ignored it for the sake of their friendship but it was getting stronger and stronger lately. She grabbed the cake and headed back to his house down the hall to his room.
While she was gone he opened the window letting the cool fall breeze wash over him. It was just too warm in that room with the two of them and it was hard for him to think. He probably needed something more like a cold shower, to be honest. Things were a lot easier for them before high school. Like when her skirts still actually covered stuff and when he didn’t have heaps of hormones surging through him on a daily basis.
Julie took a breath before she re-entered the room, tossing the tupperware container with the banana bread on the bed towards him. "There you are, one order of tres leche cake for the whiner." She smiled a bit and plopped back down on the edge of the bed.
He frowned. "It's old, isn’t it? Don't try to tell me it's not, you don't put cake in tupperware unless it's at least a day old because otherwise it's still hot and it makes the plastic all sweaty, so you wrap it in foil." He opened the container and pulled off a chunk with his fingers shoving it in his mouth. Okay, so maybe he didn't actually care how old it was.
Julie smacked him on the back of the head, careful not to make him choke. "Don't be ungrateful, Luke! And for your information, I made it yesterday you whiny little brat." She stuck her tongue out at him and shook her head fondly.
"Hey!" He rubbed the back of his head. "That was surprisingly hard." Second mental note of the night, Julie doesn't like criticism about her baking.
Julie immediately felt bad and frowned a bit. "Sorry!” She exclaimed, giving him an apologetic look. “I didn't mean for it to be that hard." She leaned over and placed a kiss on the back of his head. "There, all better."
She grabbed a chunk of the cake herself and popped it in her mouth before stretching out on the bed a bit. "You swear this party tomorrow will be okay? I don't usually have good experiences with Carrie."
Luke set the container down between the two of them and laid down next to her, facing her. He looked at her, taking in her worried features. He hated that she sometimes worried about these things and he wished he could protect her from them.
"It'll be more than okay, you'll actually have fun. If anyone gives you any crap I’ll take care of it. You know I wouldn't let anything happen to you, right? When have I ever let you down?" His voice was soft and he couldn’t help it when his hand went up to move some of her curls off her face and behind her ear. To anyone else, it might have been a gesture that was considered too intimate for people who were supposed to be just friends, but for the two of them? It was normal. It was just how they were. But yeah, there was love behind it. On Luke’s end, anyway.
Julie bit her lip and nodded as he spoke, moving forward a bit to rest her forehead against his shoulder, closing her eyes. "I know you protect me, Luke, and you have no idea how much that means to me, but you can't protect me every minute. Carrie is capable of a lot." She was a pretty confident person in everyday life but when it came to this, not so much. The worry showed in her voice.
“Jules, it’ll be fine. Just try and relax and enjoy yourself at this thing. Carrie will always be Carrie but she isn’t going to do something to you." He wanted to kiss away that crease between her eyebrows, but kissing was one of those lines they hadn't crossed since they were kids. As children, Luke would end up with cuts and bruises daily from playing outside and being a rambunctious boy and Julie would kiss them away. Then she realized how gross and germy it was and stopped. He always felt like he'd sound like a wimp if he said he'd missed that. What kind of teenage boy missed it when his best friend kissed his injuries away?
She sighed and sort of buried her face in his shoulder, taking in a breath. Things could go very wrong with the party but it could also be fun and she wanted to go and enjoy it without worrying about what could go wrong. She knew she was going to go, it was just a matter of not worrying every second she was there. "Okay," she said softly. "Just promise me if I feel uncomfortable you'll take me home."
Luke nodded. "Yeah, ‘course. Carrie’s isn't far, so we don't have to drive or anything and if you're tired you can just piggy back home, okay?”
He couldn't even count the number of times he'd laid here in his bed with her just like this and how it affected him more than she could ever know. He wanted to just cover her body with his and kiss her until the sun rose the next day. Okay, so maybe he didn’t want to just kiss her because he was in love with the girl and he was an eighteen year old boy but could anyone blame him? He and Julie had such a connection and Julie was gorgeous. He'd known that for a while, but why did it suddenly matter? When did his eyes start wandering to her lips every time she spoke?
“Okay.” She smiled. “Then let's go… we don’t have a ton of these high school parties left right? Gotta enjoy them while they last.” She lifted her chin a little so she could meet his eyes from her position on the pillow next to him. From her spot, she could see the clear hazel eyes looking back at her and she felt her heart stutter in her chest. He had no idea how he made her feel. Especially when he did things like tuck her hair behind her ear like he had.
“That’s the attitude, Jules! Make it count and all that.” He grinned. “You’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it.”
**
Luke stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom, fixing his hair as best he could before the party. He was wearing one of his signature band shirts, sans sleeves of course, but had decided to forgo the beanie for this occasion. When he was satisfied with his appearance, he shot Julie a text saying he'd be outside of her house in a few minutes, while chewing on his lip a little. Part of him expected a text back with some sort of excuse for why she couldn't go out but was relieved when nothing came.
He was looking forward to seeing her and going to this party. After Julie had left his house the other day, he’d sat in his room thinking for a long time. He ended up getting all his thoughts out in some lyrics that he wasn’t sure he’d ever show her (they were far too honest) and deciding that before the year was gone, before high school officially ended, he was going to find a way to show her how he felt, to do something about his feelings. He couldn’t take it for much longer. He was so in love with her that it hurt. And every time she sang with him, to him, around him, he wanted to attach himself to her at the lips.
He grabbed his wallet and his keys, making sure everything was attached to the chains on his jeans, stuffed his phone in his pocket and headed out the door to get Julie.
Julie had gotten Luke’s text as she was finishing her hair. As much as she wanted to make an excuse, she knew he would see right through her and she needed to do this, take this chance. He'd do whatever he could to protect her, she knew that too.
Luke was her best friend and he never purposefully let her down. She finished on her hair, letting it fall in her soft, bouncy curls on her shoulders, grabbed her bag and her white cardigan to wear over her blue butterfly print dress and headed down the stairs.
When Luke got to Julie’s house, he knocked on the door before letting himself in as usual, walking in ready to drag her out if necessary.
"Hey, it's just me," he called out in case her dad was home. He turned toward the stairs after checking his phone for the hundredth time, putting his phone back in his pocket only to look up and see Julie in one hell of a cute outfit.
She was just coming down the stairs when the door opened and Luke came in looking cute and gorgeous all at once. She was careful not to trip down the stairs in her wedge sandals.
"Hi," she said softly. "This alright? I was worried it was a little much.” She looked down at her dress, smoothing it out. He didn’t have to know that she’d even put on her prettiest underwear and bra set, for a little unseen confidence.
“You, uh, you look great,” he said, clearing his throat, feeling his voice shake with nerves “I mean, for the party, it's rad. Yeah." He scratched the back of his head and looked at her with a smile. "You, uh, ready to go? It’s a bit of a walk but if you’re not up for it we could uber or something.”
“No, let’s go, walking will be nice,” she replied, making sure she had her phone tucked safely in her purse. “Bye dad!” she called out and got a ‘goodbye’ and ‘have fun’ as a response. She put her purse on her shoulder. "Okay, let's go," she said as she closed the door behind them. "Remember you promised to take me home if I felt uncomfortable."
"Yeah, I remember," he said as they started the walk to the party. “I’ve got you, Jules, chill.” He threw her a smile. “You’ve really gotta stop with the worrying. Save all that bottled up emotion for a song for the band.”
Julie rolled her eyes in response. “So sensitive of you! Always about music, isn’t it?” She smiled fondly though, even though her question had been a teasing one.
“That’s me. One track mind!” He gave her a wink and Julie went slightly pink, thankful for the twilight around them to hide it.
When they arrived at the party, Julie was immediately whisked away by Flynn, who both Luke and Julie were surprised was even there because of her strong disdain for the party’s host. There were tons of people there already, a huge crowd in the yard and as they entered the house. When Julie looked back at him over her shoulder as Flynn tugged her through the crowd, Luke felt his stomach flutter as he shot her a smile back and then he swallowed roughly. It was going to be a long night.
He proceeded into the party and spotted Alex, Reggie, and Willie in the corner, nursing drinks in red solo cups. He nodded to them and made his way over.
“Wait!” Alex yelled out as he approached and he stopped walking, looking around in confusion. “A wild Luke appears without a Julie at his side! What a rare sight, indeed.” Luke felt himself go a bit red and he rolled his eyes.
“Flynn already claimed her, idiot,” Luke said with a sigh as he got close enough to clap Willie on the shoulder and fist bump Reggie in hello. “And we’re not attached at the hip so you can stop with that shit.” Truth was, Luke and Julie were kind of attached at the hip all the time but he wasn’t going to admit that Alex was right.
“Yeah, okay buddy, you keep telling yourself that,” Alex commented with a smirk, offering Luke a cup.
Luke raised his eyebrow at him as if to say ‘what’s in it?’ and Alex shrugged. “Just beer. You’re not driving right?”
Luke shook his head in response. “Nah, Julie and I walked. Thanks.” He took a sip and then found himself looking around the room and unconsciously searching for Julie without even realizing it. He spotted her in the kitchen with Flynn, a similar red cup in her hand.
“You don’t even realize you’re doing it, do you?” Alex was speaking again and he had to force himself to look away from Julie.
“What?”
“Oh man, you’re so obvious,” Willie piped up and he exchanged looks with his boyfriend who nodded in agreement.
“What are you talking about?” Luke asked, now getting annoyed all his friends seemed to be in on some piece of information he wasn’t.
Alex shook his head a bit and then nodded in Julie’s direction. “The whole world can see you’re in love with her.”
“No! I-” he immediately protested but then he thought about it. “It’s that obvious?” He dropped his head with a sigh.
“Duh, Luke, you two ooze chemistry. It’s like there are electric waves going between the two of you,” Reggie commented, clapping a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “You might want to tone that down a bit. The oozing.”
“Reg, please never say the word ooze again. Please,” Alex said, making a face. “But yeah, dude, he’s right. Like it’s palpable. Might wanna do something about that before it's too late.” He gestured over to Julie and Flynn again with his chin and Luke followed his gaze to Julie, seeing that they had been joined by Nick. Her ex. Who obviously didn’t want to be exes anymore.
Luke sighed and ran a hand through his hair, downing the rest of his cup without thinking about it. He was just about to set his empty cup down and charge over there when Willie’s hand caught his wrist and he turned back to look at him.
“I wouldn’t do that, man. You’ll do more harm than good,” Willie stated before dropping his wrist.
“But he’s…” Luke started to protest.
“He’s what, Luke? Talking to her? The horror!” Alex remarked, sarcasm dripping in his tone. “You have no right to go over there. You have no claim over her.” He paused. “Unless you do something about it to change that.”
Luke grabbed himself another cup and thought about what Alex said. He was right. He needed to do something about this — and soon. He really couldn’t take anymore of this feeling of wanting her so much and loving her so much and not being able to act on it. It was getting harder and harder by the minute.
Then, lucky for him, a distraction presented itself when Carrie announced from the little stage in her living room that karaoke was starting and anybody could grab the microphone and participate. He wondered why she wasn’t performing with Dirty Candy but then suspected she probably would be before the night was over.
So he distracted himself watching the horrible karaoke singers and some good ones while nursing his drink and trying to keep a little distance between him and Julie. When he was around her, his mind got all fuzzy and he couldn’t think straight.
Him and the boys reunited Sunset Curve for an acoustic performance of Now or Never, using the acoustic guitar that sat on the stage since Carrie didn’t exactly have their song on her karaoke machine. He could see Julie watching from her spot in the kitchen and he tried not to spend the whole thing looking right back at her. He did, however, shoot her a grin or two during the song because she’d always told him she really liked that song of his.
He was successfully distracted after that moment, enjoying himself and not registering when a few girls attempted to flirt. Then his distraction was gone as soon as Julie and Flynn took the stage.
As she stood there on the karaoke stage, singing her heart out, Luke watched her with a look of awe on his face. He never got used to hearing her sing, watching her belt out those notes but it was when she was truly enjoying herself and letting go that she shined brighter than ever. This was one of those times. His heart thumped wildly in his chest and one of the lyrics they’d written together sounded in his mind ‘ close my eyes and feel my chest, beating like thunder’ . As soon as the song was finished, he approached her, determined. When he reached her, he took her hand and without a word started dragging her away from the stage and into a deserted hallway in the maze of Carrie’s huge house.
“Luke, what—“ She didn’t even have time to protest before she found herself in a dark hallway, her back against the wall behind her, Luke standing in front of her with this look in his eyes she couldn’t figure out. “Luke, what are you doing?”
He was breathing heavily and his eyes were intense, looking at her with… she couldn’t figure out what was behind his eyes at that moment.
“I can’t take it anymore, Jules, I have to…” He trailed off, looking at the floor and then back up at her and then he was launching himself forward, taking her face in his hands and kissing her like she had never been kissed before.
She made a sound of surprise against his mouth but her eyes immediately slid shut, her arms snaking themselves around his back and clinging to the fabric of his shirt. Fireworks. Explosions. Bursts of colour and sound.
It was a flurry of lips moving with each other, perfectly in sync, hands clutching at each other, breaths mingling. Soon she was backed fully against the wall, he was pressed against her and she could feel every part of him. He broke away from her lips to kiss down her neck and a soft sound escaped her mouth as she clawed at his shoulders, wanting him closer, wanting more . His hips moved forward into her without even thinking about it, a noise escaping his own mouth as he worked his lips down her neck, nibbling and kissing the soft skin there. Her hips moved into his as well, wanting the friction, the desire and need swelling up inside both of them.
Neither of them had ever felt anything like it so when Luke pulled back to breathe, his chest rising up and down rapidly and Julie opened her eyes and met his with hers, out of breath herself, no words needed to be spoken. Her lips were pink and swollen and so were his, his hair a mess from the pass of her hands through it. They stared at each other for several moments before either of them spoke.
“Can we… can we get out of here?” Came his breathy, raspy voice. Julie simply nodded. Then he was taking her hand, threading their fingers together and making their way out of the party, through the crowds, past their friends who didn’t think anything of it because they held hands all the time.
They walked back to her house in silence, still attached at the hands, a silent intensity between them but no words being exchanged. When they got inside, the house was dark and Julie led Luke up to her room, pulling him inside before closing the door behind them. They stood there, in the middle of her room, just looking at each other for a few moments, silently experiencing a flurry of emotions.
And then he was reaching for her again and she was rushing forward and they were kissing again, her arms around his neck, his clutching at her waist as they moved sideways, never breaking the kiss, never separating to fall onto the bed, lying side by side. His tongue ran across her bottom lip, asking for permission and she opened her mouth to him, allowing him to deepen the kiss as his hands snuck under around to her back, holding her against him. Her hands were in his hair, clutching at the soft strands, running her nails lightly across his scalp.
His lips broke from hers against, traveling to her jaw and down to her collarbone and shoulder, shoving the fabric of the little cardigan she was wearing down her shoulders to give him more access to her skin.
“Luke…” she moaned softly, her hands in his hair. “W-What are we doing?" She mumbled between sighs and the kisses he was dragging across her skin.
"I don't know," he said breathlessly, his lips never leaving her skin as he relished in the taste of her. He ran a hand through her hair and it was like releasing this extra burst of Julie essence. He groaned, it was amazing. Better than he'd imagined. He didn't know what he was doing. He asked breathlessly, "Do you want me to stop?"
She was getting that tingly feeling in her body, the one that traveled all through her before settling low in her belly. And the butterflies in her stomach were fluttering away and her heart was going insane in her chest. All because he kissed her. And as the seconds passed and the minutes too, the kisses became more and more heated and not just on his end either. This was nothing like the soft peck they'd shared when they were kids to avoid having bad first kisses with other people. Nothing. She felt this one all the way to her toes. And she heard him say the word stop through the feverish embrace and she immediately protested. "No, no, don't stop," she let out breathlessly herself.
He quickly toed off his shoes as he worked his lips down over her skin, across her collarbone. He wanted her more than he had ever wanted anything, wanted to worship every inch of her, show her just how much she was wanted and loved. When he was with Jennie, he hadn't felt this way. With her, it had been all lust and misguided feelings and with Julie... it was something entirely different. It was… it was like coming home, like he was finally where he belonged.
Julie clutched at him, her hands grabbing at his shoulders, his back, running through his hair, dragging her nails lightly across his scalp. She couldn’t get enough. Her hands were everywhere, mapping out every inch of him she could reach in that moment.
Luke hummed low in his throat when he felt her fingers scratch against his scalp. They'd never gone so in depth about their past relationships that they actually talked about these kinds of details—that was one line they hadn’t crossed,— but it was like she knew everything to get him going, knew just how to touch him and where to make his nerve endings explode.
Just because they had never gone into explicit details about their relationships to each other, didn't mean she didn't know him and know what affected him. She noticed he'd always closed his eyes and make a sound of contentment when she idly ran her hands through his hair as they watched movies or talked in the past, she knew that he had a ticklish spot on his body that would probably be a place she'd get a good reaction out of him if she kissed it. Those sorts of things were things she knew just by being his best friend, just because of how close they were.
Luke pulled back a bit to breathe, looking at her. He searched her eyes for something that told him to stop: hesitation or something that told him she was just way too drunk to be doing this, but he didn't find anything other than her soft brown eyes looking back. He slowly ran his fingers down her arm as he kissed along her jaw.
She didn't want to stop. She wasn't drunk enough not to know what she was doing. She knew. She knew exactly what she was doing and what she was feeling and she knew she wasn't making a mistake. Not with how she felt about him. Not with how long she'd been denying how she felt about him. Did he even know what he did to her? Not even just now but on a daily basis? Did he know how freaking good he was at the kissing thing? She was feeling it all the way down to her toes and the soft touch on her arm was giving her goosebumps.
His hand travelled down her arm, across her hip with a slight squeeze and then his fingertips grazed over hers before they delicately slipped under the hem of her dress, inching upwards as he gently ran his fingers over her thigh.
“Is this okay?” he murmured against her skin, his fingertips itching to move even further north under the material of her dress, wanting to touch her, wanting to make her feel all the amazing things she made him feel all the time.
She felt her heart swell at his question because of course, even in the heat of the moment, he was still Luke and he would never do anything she wasn’t comfortable with. She got goosebumps all over her legs as he skimmed his fingers over her skin and she was thankful she wore her best set of underwear today because it usually brought her confidence and she needed that for the party. She knew Luke probably expected her to still have frilly and babyish things like she used to wear when they were kids and he'd seen a few times back then but she wasn't a kid anymore. He was about to find that out.
She nodded as she felt his hand resting on his thigh just under her dress and responded with a breathy, moaning, “Yesssss…” It came out sounding like a hiss of agreement.
He almost wasn’t expecting her to answer the way she had. He was sure she would stop him and he would be okay with that but she didn’t and his brain still could not comprehend what was happening while also controlling the rest of his body and his hand inched upwards, his fingers meeting the material of her underwear, pushing it aside, feeling her wetness and immediately becoming even more aroused.
She had so many thoughts going through her head at that moment and she didn’t know what to do with them or how to make sense of them. But then he distracted her from her thoughts when he touched her and she let out a moan because yes, it had been a very long time since anyone had done that. But she didn't want to be completely dressed as if this was some clandestine heated moment between them where they were trying to not get caught. She wanted to enjoy it fully, take her time because they were in her bedroom, it was late, the door was locked and they really did have all night. This was finally happening between them and she wanted to savour it.
"Luke," she said softly, still feeling her heart skip a beat even knowing she was here with him. She sat up for a second and pointed to her feet, indicating she was going to undo and remove her sandals. That only took a moment and then she looked at him over her shoulder. "My zipper?" she asked quietly.
Luke felt his face go hot when he heard her moan. It was the sexiest thing he'd ever heard, but suddenly she was getting up and he let her go thinking he had done something wrong. He let out a sigh of relief when she asked for help with her zipper and took another deep breath as he slid it down. He didn't want to seem totally nervous or freaked out even though he totally was in this case. It was Julie. He began kissing across her back from one shoulder to the other. He remembered that he was still fully clothed and threw his shirt off to the side, only hesitating for a moment before taking his pants off too.
Just the motion of him pulling her zipper down, the sound of it, the feel of his fingertips on her back was enough to make her heart beat faster. And then he was kissing her shoulder blades, softly, tenderly and she felt cherished. He always knew how to make her feel special whether platonic or otherwise. She could hear the rustle of his clothing being removed when he had finished on her zipper and she let her dress fall down her arms as she took a breath. She'd seen him shirtless on countless occasions but this was different. And he'd never seen her completely topless because bikinis didn't count. Her dress pooled at her hips and she lifted her body off the bed for a second to let it fall down her legs. Part of her always wondered whether or not she’d be shy in this case, if something were to ever happen between her and Luke and she was surprised to find that she wasn’t shy or embarrassed. She was perfectly comfortable because it was Luke, and she knew he’d never make her feel otherwise.
Luke watched with hooded eyes as she let her dress fall down her body and onto the floor. He was already almost painfully aroused and the image of that slinky fabric sliding down her body and pooling at her feet was nothing short of pure torture. His eyes roamed over her, unafraid of being caught worshipping her with his eyes. This might be the only time he ever saw any of this and he wanted to memorize each and every one of her curves so he would never forget. After her dress slid off and she sat back down on the edge of the bed, he kneeled between her legs wrapped his hands around her waist pulling her closer as he tugged her neck down to kiss her.
Julie could see the look in his eyes, the way he was looking at her and she felt it right to her core. A shiver of goosebumps rocked her body as she closed her eyes for a moment, hardly believing it was real. When he kneeled between her legs, she was only slightly taller than him from her position and she met the kiss, sliding her hands over the soft skin of his chest and over his shoulders and arms and around his neck. She let her hands map his skin for a moment, revelling in the feel of it, the warmth he was emanating.
He wrapped his arms around her and pressed himself up against her, the lace of her bra tickling his skin. Did she always dress like that under her clothes? No wonder Nick couldn't keep his hands off her. She was sexier than she could ever know and he was having trouble stopping himself from losing it right then and there. He was torn between looking and touching in that moment. He took a deep breath, kissing her before sliding his hands from her waist up her side, skimming them over her bra clad chest. He leaned down and pressed a few kisses to the exposed skin above the material which elicited a few soft sounds from her. He paused, looked at her and his hand slid around to her back and stopped on the clasp. “Jules... can I?" he asked permission, his hand frozen in place until she answered.
When he asked for permission she nodded, her eyes closing for a second as she took in a breath. Everything... every single thing he did was making her crazy in the best way possible. Was it supposed to be this intense? Was the mere feel of his hand on her supposed to set off a fire within her? Was she supposed to feel the sparks, the electricity between them every time he skimmed his fingers over her skin?
As soon as she agreed, he reached around and made quick work of Julie's bra, something he had perfected in his limited experiences. He looked at her and couldn’t help himself when the words “You’re stunning …” escaped his lips.
He kissed down her chest taking one of her pert nipples into his mouth, nipping on it gently as he kneaded the other one. She was so gorgeous and he was going to show her just how much he thought so with every part of him he could use to do so.
“Luke…” A soft moan escaped her lips as her eyes closed and her fingers slipped in his hair again, tugging lightly when he did something she liked.
She grew impatient, though, wanting more of him, wanting him closer, needing to feel more than just his hands and lips on her sensitive skin. Julie tugged his face up to hers and kissed him again, sliding back on the bed as she did so, urging him on top of her. Her arms went around him as she felt him kissing her chin, then her neck, sliding his lips down her collarbone, over her breasts, down her stomach before stopping at the waistband of her lacy underwear and peering up at her from under those long lashes of his. He was silently asking her for permission and a thrill shot through her. This would be a first for her as Nick had never done what it looked like Luke was about to do. She nodded, biting her bottom lip.
Luke knew this was his invitation to keep going so he hooked his fingers in the waistband of her underwear and pulled them down. He caught her eye as he tossed them aside, over his shoulder to somewhere in the room and gave her a little smirk. He was trembling with the anticipation of tasting her, of making her feel like she was a goddess. And that’s exactly what he intended on doing, driving her over the edge until she reached that high. He lowered himself and got to work, using every ounce of concentration to make her feel good with his mouth and tongue. He tried to focus on her breathing and the way her body moved and not on the way that all he could hear was his own heart pounding.
She moaned in surprise as she felt his tongue on her, her breathing becoming rapid and her heart rate picking up. Oh, he definitely knew what he was doing. It felt good. It felt better than good. She couldn't help the sounds that were coming from her mouth and the way her hips were arching up into him looking for more, wanting more, wanting something.
"Luke..." She moaned his name softly, reaching behind her and grabbing onto the pillow.
He knew it was entirely possible this could be his only time with her and he wanted to savor every moment. Every movement, moan, and sigh all for him. He laid his hand on her stomach, partially to hold her down, but mostly because he just wanted to touch her. Hearing his name whispered only egged him on, he wanted this for her. He couldn't imagine lasting very long with her, so he had to do this now.
She flushed slightly when his hand came to her stomach, obviously wanting her to stop arching her hips. She tried very hard to keep her hips still but it was difficult considering he was making her feel like she couldn't get enough and always needed more. It was building, the pressure and she could feel it. She was surprised at how quickly it built up but at the same time she wasn't because the intensity of all of this with him had been there from the beginning.
"Luke, I’m..." she moaned as a warning before feeling her climax course through her, her back arching again, her eyes closing, her moan escaping even as she bit down on her lip hard enough to draw blood. His mouth could do a hell of a lot more than just sing beautiful music. Why had they never done this before again?
Luke pulled away, groaning and biting his lip. Julie didn't even understand how sexy she was, especially now. He kissed her stomach just below her bellybutton as he gazed up at her. He could stay in this moment forever. Watching Julie spread out beneath him as she looked at him in pure bliss, her breathing heavy because of him and what he’d just done. He loved her so much, how could she not see that? He reached for the waistband of his boxers afraid that he would scare her off if he kept staring at her.
She collapsed on the bed, trying to catch her breath after her orgasm had coursed through her and she didn't think she'd ever felt one that intense before. And then the way he was looking at her was sending chills up her spine, the good kind and she wondered what he was thinking. When he reached for his boxers, obviously to remove them, she looked at him. "Do you want me to...?" she trailed off, her breathing still heavy.
He shook his head not wanting to waste anymore time. He wanted to be with Julie, really be with her. He was finally getting to be with her, touch her, kiss her, hold her, all of that and more and he did not want to waste another minute of this experience he had wanted for so long, thought about for so long. It might very well be the only time they did this—he hoped to hell not—so he couldn’t wait another moment to be with her and really be with her. If she wanted it too, of course.
"Jules I - I want you." His voice was low, rough, husky from their previous activities.
She felt her heart skip a beat at his words and she knew she wanted that too, more than anything and she had for a long time now, not just in the way they were together right now, not just physically, but emotionally and every other way you could want a person.
"I want you, too..." she said softly, bringing his face up to hers to kiss him and show him that. "Do you have...?" She knew he'd know what she was talking about.
He kissed her back heatedly, easily distracted by her lips. He pulled away cursing himself silently, had he really been so distracted that had slipped his mind? Shit. He bit his lip and nodded as he reached for a condom that had been in his wallet for a few months now.
She felt like this would have happened eventually, party or not. They'd always been affectionate and so close that people thought they were dating all the time and ever since high school and puberty and the hormones, there was a certain tension there that neither of them dared to mention but it was there. It helped that she had feelings for him for years too but denied them for fear of ruining the friendship. But now as she saw him fishing for a condom in his wallet and she knew what was going to happen, Julie had no regrets.
Luke made quick work of the condom, slipping it on before taking a deep breath and moving back to her, looking at her laying there, beautiful and bare, waiting for him, wanting him. It was everything he wanted for so long and he just hoped he could portray that to her and make her feel a fraction of what he was feeling. He crawled over to her, positioning his body above hers and looking down at her with a tentative smile. He pressed a kiss to her lips before pulling back and looking at her.
“Are you sure, Jules?” His voice was quiet, nervous as he waited for her answer. He knew a lot of this was the heat of the moment, but he would never continue if she wasn’t sure.
Luke let out the breath he was holding as he saw her nod, her hands going to grip his arms.
“I’m sure, Luke. I want this,” she paused and gazed up at him and he felt his heart stop. “I want you.”
He met her eyes intently as he positioned himself above her and lined himself up at her entrance, reaching up to cup her cheek delicately in his hand. He brushed her cheek tenderly with his thumb before kissing and slowly entering her. He squeezed his eyes shut, overwhelmed. He was right, being with Julie was different from anything else. He felt happy, contented, loved, and maybe it wasn't the kind of love he wanted, but for now it would have to be enough.
The way he was looking at her, the tender touch to her cheek made her heart skid to a stop in her chest. And then he was pushing into her and she felt a million things at once, letting out a soft sound from her lips as he did so. Her legs moved and opened slightly to accommodate him, her breathing still heavy and her heart still going wild. She let out a sound that was a combination of a moan and a whimper as he pushed further forward into her and she reached up and clung to his shoulders, pulling him as close as she could and reaching up for another kiss. It felt perfect and so entirely right to be joined to him. And maybe he didn't love her the way she loved him but right now she felt like he could.
He moaned into her mouth as he started moving at a more rhythmic pace, feeling her nails against his skin, her hands clutching at him, the way her sounds were escaping her lips and he had to concentrate on not getting overwhelmed and having everything end far too quickly.
That moan against her mouth was like a fire through her body. The sound of it, the way it caused a vibration against her lips... she felt the chills and she moaned in response. Her legs bent and hooked around his waist as she held onto him. God, it felt good. "Luke..." she moaned softly. "More..." She tugged his face to hers against, kissing him intently. "Faster..." she murmured against his lips.
“Fuck, Jules, you feel so fucking good…” he groaned, moving into her harder, faster like she wanted. He couldn’t help the words as they spilled from his lips. "I love you," he told her without thinking or even noticing. He clutched the blanket with both hands and picked up his pace feeling himself nearing his climax.
She moaned when he picked up the pace and clung to him tightly, her nails leaving marks on his back, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, keeping him close. "Oh God, Luke..." she moaned softly. She had never orgasmed during sex before but she was pretty sure that was about to change. She barely heard what he said, figuring she'd heard wrong or, if she didn't, it was a spur of the moment, during sex “I love you.”
Luke wanted her to get there with him so he reached a hand down with the intention of touching her, taking her there so they could get there together. But she grabbed his wrist to stop him and he looked at her in question, never stopping his movements in and out of her.
She shook her head, “I don’t need it, I’m almost there…” she gasped out, “Don’t stop!”
Luke did exactly what he was told, moving his hips until he felt that familiar build up in his abdomen. He slowed down, groaning loudly as he came. He kissed her hard, unable to take his lips off her. What if this was their last kiss? It was warm and sloppy and he didn't care because he was going to savor every last second of it because things could turn weird at any moment.
She moaned against his lips, returning the kiss, clinging to him as she felt it building in her again and then moments later she came as well, breathing heavily, collapsing beneath him, kissing him again and again and trying to catch her breath all at once.
He gave her several more kisses back and rolled over next to her as he felt his arms and legs start to go weak. He'd never been so tired in his life and he never imagined that being so exhausted could feel this good. He glanced back at Julie, trying to muster up something to say, but all he heard was pounding again, this time from his chest and the pounding of his heart. Had they really just done that? Here? On Julie’s bed?
She made a soft sound at the loss of him in her and on top of her but she rolled over onto her side so she was facing him and sort of tucked her body into his seeking the warmth. She needed a moment to digest what just happened. She and Luke had sex (probably the best sex she’d ever had, too) in her bedroom after a party. It was kind of unreal. She didn't regret it but... what exactly did it mean?
"D-Don't.... ignore me now, okay?" she said softly, sort of meekly into his shoulder, not looking up. She was terrified he'd leave her and everything would be ruined.
He furrowed his brow. Just because this may not necessarily mean to her what it did to him, didn't mean he was suddenly going to turn into a jerk. He felt her moving towards him and his arms automatically wanted to go out and hold her. This was a lot like cuddling. Were they cuddling? It wasn’t exactly new to them but was he allowed to cuddle back in this moment or would that be crossing a line?
"Jules, come on, of course I won't. You know me better than that."
Julie closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against his shoulder. If only he knew what this meant to her but that wasn't exactly the conversation to be having right now... after having done that . She knew he wasn't that kind of person, to ignore her or anything obviously, but any indication he might feel the way she did would make her so entirely happy. She was very scared of losing her best friend.
"It's later now,” he said. “You wanna do it again?" He hoped that came out as a joke, he was only half serious about that. What was he supposed to say? Thank you? I'm in love with you? Both of those things weren't really options.
She let out a small giggle that included a bit of a snort and then went completely red, her hands coming up to cover her face. She did not just snort. Oh my gosh.
He gave her a wide smile. God, she was adorable . He pulled her hands away and kissed her. He already missed her lips, there was no way he could just pretend like this never happened, he just wished she'd say something, anything that let him in on what she was thinking.
She wasn't expecting that kiss but her heart swelled at it. She returned it softly, sort of tucking herself in against his body, feeling her heart beating fast again, feeling the warmth spreading through her. She was completely in love with him.
"Luke, I..." she started to speak but paused trying to find the words. "I'm not really all that drunk." She wondered if he'd understand what she was saying.
His breath caught in his throat as he thought about the way she kissed him in the hallway. He thought about the way she looked at him when she asked for help taking off her clothes. If she wasn't drunk for any of that then it had to mean something. "Neither am I."
Oh. She hadn't expected that response. She'd thought he'd kissed her because he'd been drunk in the first place. If he hadn't been then why... She peered at him from under her eyelashes, biting her bottom lip. She didn't know what this all meant but as she started to think about it, a yawn erupted from her.
“You’re tired,” he said, brushing some hair from her eyes. “You should go to sleep.”
She nodded, blinking up at him. “You’ll stay right?” They had planned to have a sleep over after the party, but that was before everything happened.
"Yeah, uh, ‘course I will," he responded. “Should probably put some clothes on though.” He gave her a half smirk and chuckled a bit, a nervous chuckle at the thought of her dad catching them in bed together, unclothed.
Her eyes widened for a second. “Oh my God, yes, of course!” She scrambled up into a sitting position and pulled her pyjamas out from under her pillow where she stuffed them that morning after waking up.
He pulled out a plain grey t-shirt and a pair of blue flannel bottoms from his drawer in her dresser. Yes, he had a drawer there. That was how often he spent the night. Normally, he'd leave and get dressed in the bathroom, but after tonight he wasn't sure he should even bother with modesty. "I uh, I'm gonna go change," he said waiting for her reaction.
She loved that they kept stuff in each other's rooms for their impromptu sleepovers that they still did all the time even though they were probably too old for them. She didn't care. She slept better when Luke was around anyways.
"You can change in here," she said quietly, blushing just slightly. She grabbed the shirt she was using as a pj top, one of his old sleeveless shirts that didn’t fit him anymore, and pulled it on over her head, her back facing him as she did so. It was more like a dress on her, a nightgown, than a shirt even though Luke had been like fourteen when he grew out of it.
He tried pretending like it was no big deal and threw on the pj top and bottoms and then turned to Julie and found himself staring at her back as she slipped on his shirt and a pair of undies. He had always assumed she wore more than that under his shirt. In his imagination he had peeled that shirt off her a thousand times to reveal her wearing nothing more than a pair of lace panties, not unlike the ones she’s worn tonight. In reality he was sure she wore a white cotton bra and some shorts underneath, and that thought was usually enough to get to him.
Luke cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head. "I was just, uh, going to ask you if you remembered which closet I put my sleeping bag in last time."
She cleared her throat, staring for a second more before licking her lips and looking away. "Um, well... you don't need it. Stay in the bed with me. We both fit."
He wanted to remind her that the reason sleepovers remained an okay thing was because they'd always slept separately. They'd been given that speech a long time ago and they played by the rules so well that it'd been years since anyone actually checked. Pointing out that it wasn't allowed seemed ridiculous after tonight.
"Your bed is really big…and comfortable…and you, uh, kind of wore me out, Molina." He swallowed roughly after making that joke but he couldn’t help it. It slipped out. He shot her a half-smile for good measure.
It was true. Julie thought back to the many times they’d been told their sleepovers could only continue if they played by the rules. They had been given that lecture a few times because once they got older it seemed necessary but they did sneak into each other's beds when they could and tonight it seemed silly not to. She flushed bright pink at his joke and bit her lip to stop herself from smiling like she wanted to. A comment like that was so entirely Luke .
"Mmhmm, big and comfy. Oh and… ditto." She smiled a little bit. She moved to her bed and started taking off the pillows and stuffed animals and pulled the covers down, crawling under them.
Luke watched her, the underlying nerves still there and the millions of questions running through his mind but a sense of calm coming over him. No matter what happened, they’d still be friends. He crawled into bed ignoring the invisible barrier he usually kept between them. He pushed himself up against her backside and wrapped an arm around her. He couldn't be this close to her and not touch her, but he was afraid of what he would see if he looked at her. If she pulled away now at least he wouldn't have to look her in the eyes as she rejected him.
She could hear him rustling around and feel the covers being pulled back and when she felt his arm come around her, spooning her body, she smiled, her heart skipping another beat and she wrapped her arm around his, holding it close to her body, hugging her to him as she closed her eyes.
**
It felt like they had only closed their eyes for a few minutes but the next thing Luke knew, he was burying his face in Julie's hair in an attempt to block out the sun. He felt himself pressed up against her back, her back against his chest and he realized they were still spooning and probably had been all night. He tightened his hold on her, his arm slung around her middle and wondered if they could just stay like this forever and not have to talk about what happened the night before. He was worried about what that talk might bring, no matter how enthusiastically she had responded to him and how willingly she had been a participant in their activities . He decided to keep his eyes closed and see how long he could pretend to be asleep.
Just like Luke, Julie felt like she had only closed her eyes for a moment. But the next thing she knew, the sunlight was streaming in her window and threatening to blind her. She closed her eyes tighter for a moment, realizing as they were closed that Luke was still there and his arm was around her. She smiled to herself. It felt wonderful to wake up next to him like that, in his arms. She rolled over gently under his arm so it was still in place and she was facing him. She wanted to see if he was up yet.
When he felt Julie stirring and moving, he opened his eyes reluctantly. Julie probably wanted to get up any minute so he might as well enjoy his last moment wrapped up with her. He slowly pulled his arm off her. "Sorry, I know you probably have stuff to do, I didn't mean to trap you under me." His voice was rough and tired and soft and he blinked a few times to try and get the sleep out of his eyes so he could look at her properly.
Julie reached over and stopped his arm before he could pull it off completely, frowning slightly. That was not how she wanted that to go. She had wanted him to wake up slowly and for them to smile at each other and say good morning. "I'm not going anywhere." She said, moving in a bit closer to him and looking up at him from her spot, putting their faces close together.
It took only a moment of her looking at him and snuggling closer for him to decide to chance it. He closed the gap between them and kissed her. It had to be more than just a party hookup. He had felt something, really felt something, something that couldn't be just one-sided. It had to be. She had been as into it as he had been. He tried not to think too hard about it and focused on kissing her now. What a way to wake up.
As much as Jule had been hoping for it, she hadn't been expecting him to kiss her so when he did, she felt her stomach flutter again like it had the night before. It hadn't been just lust or tipsy hooking up for her and she knew that but she had no way of knowing if it was for him and she wasn't going to ask... not if he was going to say it was and she was going to be heartbroken. Her arm snaked around his neck and her leg kind of went up and hooked around his, tugging his body closer to her as she did so.
Luke knew he should pull away, they needed to talk about this but who was he to deny her when she was tugging him closer to her like that. Did she know how crazy she drove him? If Julie was just using him he'd be the one to get hurt. Her fingers tickled the back of his head and he felt any resolve he had slipping away. When her leg rubbed softly against his he stopped caring entirely. He thought that maybe if they could just keep doing this for the rest of their lives things would never have to be weird.
If only he knew she wasn't using him at all. Okay, yes, the kissing had been amazing but that wasn't why she wanted him and it wasn't the only reason she still wanted him. She had been fighting feelings for him for years, always denying them and pushing them aside for sake of the friendship and now she didn't want to anymore, though she was still so afraid of telling the truth and losing that friendship. She felt like she belonged there, in his arms, kissing him, and she held on tightly for fear it would all disappear. She tightened her hold on him, pressing herself against him further, feeling the desire rising up in her again.
He wanted her in any way he could get her and if that meant just like this he would accept it for now. "Are - are we doing this again?" he asked, in between kisses, breaking the silence, his heart thudding in his chest.
"Do you want to?" she asked quietly. Because if he didn't want to, this was all a moot point.
Well, obviously he wanted to; he would always want to. Luke wouldn’t have kissed her to begin with if he didn’t want to. But he didn’t know what was going on and he was kind of hoping she’d bring it up so they could clear the air. He may have had some courage last night when he initiated things (thanks to a little bit of liquid courage, though he hadn’t been drunk or anything) but he didn’t want to push his luck or do anything she didn’t want. He didn’t know what they were doing or what they were. What were they now? Friends with benefits? He could really get used to kissing her but it wasn’t all he wanted. "I want to if you want to," he said quietly, intensely, pushing his hips back into her hers like she had done to him, his fingers gripping at the skin on her waist.
Just like Luke, Julie had no idea what was going on between them now and just as he was, she was afraid to bring it up and ruin it. Was this just a friends with benefits thing to him? She hoped to hell it wasn’t because she wanted more. She reached up and kissed him again. "I want to."
He nipped at her lower lip. "I want to too."
Julie felt her insides go to goo with his little nip to her lip, such a tender, cute but also playful and kind of sexy move. She smiled a bit against him. "B- But... I'm okay with just laying here with you if that's what you want to do." She felt the kisses and his touch all the way to her toes. She was sure he'd be able to tell from her goosebumps and she’d be given away. "This is really nice."
He pulled away from her slightly and looked into her eyes. They were soft and he could see love behind them and despite the fact that he wanted her to stop them and give him some sort of sign that this was more, her stopping him only made it harder for him to stop. "I thought this was what you wanted."
She bit her bottom lip. "It is, you are... I just.... I like just being here with you too, Luke." She went a bit pink which was slightly ridiculous considering but still. Did he figure her out, her feelings? She didn't know what to do after she spoke so she just sort of looked at him nervously. “I don’t know what to do here,” she admitted, covering her face with her hands. “I don’t know what’s going on,” she said from behind her hands, her voice a bit muffled.
He knew he should comfort her and pull her hands away from her face, but he didn't know what he was supposed to tell her. How was he going to tell her that everything would be okay or that they wouldn't change if he didn't know that himself? "I won't ignore you or anything, Jules. I could never ignore you. I could never lose you. Whatever you… whatever you want, I’ll be okay with it."
"That's not... that's not what I'm confused about. I know you wouldn't. You'd never do that." She rubbed at her eyes a little bit and sighed, biting her bottom lip after. She turned on her side again to face him. "It's just... we has sex last night, Luke. Really good sex. And we almost did it again right now, That doesn't come out of nowhere, right?"
Luke felt a bit of inner pride when she said it was “really good sex” and he was happy it wasn’t just really good on his end but on hers too.
"No, it doesn't." It comes from a lot of different places: the fact that he was in love with her, hadn't hooked up with anyone in awhile because of that, the fact that he couldn’t ignore his feelings for her anymore. What was the answer she was looking for? "I liked it..." That was an understatement.
At least he agreed with her. He could have said it came from the alcohol but they had both admitted to not being very drunk. "I did too. Very much," she said quietly. "But... I didn't initiate it, you did." She raised her eyes to meet his. "Why did you?"
"I was standing at that party watching you sing your heart out and have fun on that stage and you were really pretty and so happy and I just wanted to be a part of that.” He didn’t include the ‘in love with her for years’ part yet.
She felt the disappointment sweep through her. "That's why you kissed me?" she asked quietly, unable to say anything else. That was the only reason? While it was sweet he thought she was pretty and wanted to be happy too, it wasn't what she'd been hoping to hear.
That and the fact that he had wanted to do that for years. "Well, I, it was part of it? Uh… but, I mean why did you kiss me back?" She hadn’t pushed him away or stopped him. She hadn’t so much as questioned him at all. She had wanted it as much as him, he could feel it.
She felt her heart drop again when he didn't say anything else about the reason. "Because I wanted to? Because I wanted to so, so badly."
"With me? Because you were drinking?" He hoped that wasn’t the only reason but unless she gave him a little indication that she returned his feelings he was terrified of putting himself out there.
"No, I wasn’t drunk or anything, Luke I had like one drink. With you because... because I've wanted to for a while." She looked down at the bed below them after the words came out, pink and nervous and shy.
His heart soared and he felt a grin spread across his features but she couldn’t see it because she was staring down at the bed under them. He took a deep breath and jumped in. "Maybe what I said was only part of it. Maybe I just thought it was a good excuse to do something I'd wanted to do for a really long time."
She had almost given up on this, resigned that they were only ever going to be friends until he explained. She looked up at him surprised. "How long is a really long time?" Could he possibly have felt for her as much as she did for him and for as long?
Now he wanted to hide in his hands. He wanted to just bury himself in her hair and go back to kissing her and not worry about screwing things up. He groaned a little, raising one hand to wipe across his face, his cheeks pink. "I don't know, since we were like twelve. Maybe."
Her heart skipped a beat. "Twelve?" Right around the time she started to like him. Right after they'd done the first kiss thing with each other so they wouldn't risk having bad ones with other people. It was only about a second after she spoke that she sort of lurched forward and kissed him.
Luke cupped her face in his hand and kissed her back. He wasn't sure why that had earned him a kiss, but he wasn't about to pretend like he didn't want it. He had basically admitted that ever since he'd started liking people that he liked her. He was a little embarrassed by the confession but it seemed to be eliciting a good response from Julie and that was what mattered.
How could Julie not kiss him after that? Not only had he liked her since both of them entered the crushes stage of life, but it had been around the time of their first kiss and it had been just as long as her. She smiled against his lips, hugging him around the neck tightly before pulling away.
"Eleven," she said, looking up at him. "Since right before we decided to be each other's first kisses."
Luke blushed more and grinned, pressing his forehead to hers before letting out a small laugh. If they had been able to just talk things over there would have never been anyone else or any wasted years because he knew he would never let her go, not then not now. As long as she felt the same way he did. All she had really said was that she'd wanted to kiss him. "And last night?"
She smiled and closed her eyes when he pressed his forehead to hers and just sort of let the happy feeling sink in for a second. "Last night ended up being so much more than I could have hoped for but I'm not going to lie here and deny that I haven’t thought about it before. Because I have. A lot."
Luke smiled, he couldn’t stop smiling as he kissed her again. He loved her so much. He had to tell her that this was more than just some crush, that he loved her for every wonderful thing about her, that they connected on a level he’d never experienced before and never experienced with anyone else.
"I love you, Julie. I know it sounds almost anticlimactic with us because we’ve got this really unique relationship that everyone always comments about, but I do."
Her heart did that swelling thing again except this time it decided to skip a beat at the same time. She smiled at him, her eyes kind of filling with tears.
"I love you, too," she responded in a whisper, reaching up to kiss him and in doing so, pouring all those feelings into it.
His arms went around her, tugging her impossibly closer to him, wrapping himself around her and holding her close. He felt her arms clutching at him and he poured everything he had into their kiss, all the passion and all the love he felt for her and now discovered she felt for him too.
She giggled happily against his mouth and rubbed her nose with his. “Say it again,” she demanded softly, breathily.
“I love you,” he repeated, kissing her lips. “I love you,” he said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he said again and again, each one ending in a kiss to a new spot on her face.
She giggled happily and he laughed in sheer joy.
“I love you more,” she responded, a hand on his cheek, her eyes shining happily at him.
“Not possible,” he spoke softly.
Julie stretched her neck forward to kiss him and in doing so, poured all her feelings into it.
Luke kissed down her neck much like he did the night before, nibbling and nipping at her skin as he rolled over on top of her and ground his hips into hers, unable to help himself. She loved him back.
Her arms went around his neck when he rolled atop her and she let out a sound against him as he moved his hips down into hers. All the feelings of the night before, all of them came rushing back in the best way.
"Say it again," she whispered hotly against his mouth after having tugged his lips back up to hers and away from her neck for the time being.
He chuckled against her mouth, his hands roaming her back which was arching up into him and tugged her impossibly close.
“I love you, Julie Molina,” he whispered as asked before they got lost in each other once again.