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Undeniably, there is nothing Sam wouldn't do for his pack. When Ant let him think he was dead, only to come back with Velvet, Sam accepted them both. When Ponk gave cryptic hints, Sam waited for Ponk to tell them on his terms. Before then, he spent hours as a wolf, baring his teeth and growling as anyone who got too close. Before that, he promised his mother to always protect his brothers.
Tubbo is technically a cousin of some kind. A distant cousin, but enough of one that when the pack found out he existed, Sam could lay a claim on him. The council visited Sam's pack, looking for anything they could possibly complain about. Which was a lot.
Lifestyle choices, no other children in the pack, the list went on and on. Sam kept his head up, looked them dead in the eyes. There were threats, there were things Sam wished he could unlearn, but it was worth it. He'd owe Phil for as long as he lived, but it was worth it.
Right now, there was a tiny little boy in his living room. Tubbo's hair went past his eyes, and whenever he needed to look at someone, he'd tilt his head all the way back. He wore blue shorts, a green shirt with a dinosaur, and had a skinned knee. A stuffed bee was clutched against his chest.
He was so small. Standing up, he barely came up to Sam's thigh. Who allowed kids to be this small? Tubbo's two years old. He used to be smaller .
Sam sits on the floor across from Tubbo. In his own hands, there's a toy wolf, worn with age. "Hi Tubbo."
"Hi." God. Even his voice was small.
"My name's Sam. You're going to be living with my pack. I'm happy you're here." When Sam smiles, he's careful to make sure his teeth don't show.
"Well, it sounds like you two are getting along great. You have my number, call me if you need anything else." The social worker keeps talking, but it's nothing important. A part of Sam wants to push her out the door already. Make sure she understands to never come back to his pack. The other part of Sam is panicking at the thought of her going. At being left alone with Tubbo.
Sam doesn't do either of those things though. Instead he just nods as she leaves. Bad's outside to talk to her.
Tubbo stands a few feet away from the door, not having moved an inch since the social worker set him down. He twitches when the car starts from outside. As the car drives away, his lips part. Once he can't hear the car, he starts screaming.
"Hey, hey hey, it's okay. You're okay." Sam scoots forward but Tubbo presses himself against the wall.
There's no words that he's screaming, it's just loud. The kind of loud that's bound to give Sam a headache. Tubbo's screaming, and Sam sees tears on his cheeks.
Every part of Sam screams to go there and help him. Hold Tubbo tightly against his chest and not let go. Put his hand on the back of his neck and tell him it's okay, that he has a pack now. Every book Sam's read says that's the worst thing to do. That would only make everything worse and scare him more. So Sam sits there, offering the toy in his hand.
"This is Fran. She was a gift from my alpha, when I was a pup. Would you like her?" As Sam talks, Tubbo's screams quiet. The moment Sam stops talking, Tubbo starts the quick high pitched screams. Still, Tubbo scoots forward just enough to grab the toy.
He shoves his face in the wolf and Sam can see his entire body inhale when he smells it. Tubbo rearranges his toys, so the bee is under his arm. While he's smelling it, his screaming trails off. Once he processes all the pack's scents, he pulls his face out and starts screaming.
Sam tilts his head, noticing.
"You know, the others wanted to be here for the first meeting? I bet they're all listening outside the door. Good thing they waited. You would have blown their eardrums. I'm fine. It's my job to be tough." He says calmly.
Sure enough, Tubbo's screaming both slows down and quiets. His mouth is slightly open and frowning. The moment Sam stops talking, the shrieks picks up.
"Woah buddy. You don't have to do that. It's okay. You're okay. No one's going to hurt you; you're safe." Sam keeps rambling, then remembers a much easier solution that would solve the noise. "Do you want to shift?"
"... Shift? Shift?" Tubbo smiles and Sam wishes he had a camera. It's his first smile as part of the pack.
The toys are dropped on the floor as the little guy starts taking off his shirt. Sam doesn't move from his spot, as much as he wants to.
"Would you like help?"
Tubbo pauses, thinking. Then he nods and walks forward a few steps. "Shift."
Sam can't stop himself from grinning. He scoots to Tubbo, meeting him in the middle of the room. Carefully he tugs the shirt around Tubbo's head. He sees a worn pair of tennis shoes on Tubbo. "Can you take off your shoes, or do you need help?"
"No!" Tubbo sits down and takes off his shoes, then socks.
"Good job taking off your shoes and socks. You're such a big kid." The first time Sam touches his son, it's to help him stand back up. Tugs off his shorts and has the realization that one day he's going to have to teach Tubbo to use the toilet.
Once the diaper's off, Tubbo the boy shifts into Tubbo the cub.
The wolf somehow feels even smaller. It'd be so easy for Sam to pick him up. He remembers being small enough that adults would pick him up. He remembers watching Ant getting picked up. He just never considered how small a wolf would have to be for that.
He extends a hand to Tubbo, who cautiously sniffs. Jumps back. Jumps forward. Sniffs. Jumps back. Wags his tail.
"Is it okay if I pet you?" Sam asks. His face hurts from smiling so much.
Tubbo's tail wags as he takes a step forward. Sam's hand goes to the spot behind the ear that everyone likes. Tubbo climbs into his lap and lays down. The moment feels like it could last for a moment or for an hour. There's a lullaby Sam's humming that he didn't know he still remembered. Tubbo lies there and lets his eyes drift close.
Suddenly, Tubbo jolts up. His mouth loosely closes around Sam's wrist. He wags his tail again, playing growling.
"Oh no! You got me! Should I get you?" His free hand inches towards Tubbo, who leaps away.
He shifts back into a child to grab his toys then runs under a table, all before Sam can even think to stand up. From his spot, he can easily see Tubbo, who blows spit at him. He sees the manic grin Tubbo's wearing. He does his best not to think about how easy it would be to upset him.
"Tubbo? Do you want to put on your clothes?" It's Sam's turn to be cautious now.
"NO!" Tubbo giggles.
"When we're humans, we have to wear at least a diaper in the house."
"No!" He's still laughing. There is a completely naked toddler in Sam's house who is laughing at him.
"Okay. You can put on the clothes, or I can help you. Which one do you want?"
Tubbo's still laughing. "No!"
A naked child, Sam realizes, is probably very hard to hold on to. Children squirm, right?
"Ponk, I think he's ready to meet a second person. I'm gonna need help getting him dressed." The rest of the pack waits outside, but Ponk hides just out of sight in the kitchen. Ponk should have been with Sam, but Tubbo hadn't come from the best situation.
Sam's the alpha and the one who works from home. It made sense for him to be the first one Tubbo would meet, but only on the condition that Ponk would be the second one he met.
Ponk was the one who helped with the paperwork, who provided a shoulder to cry on when Sam couldn't bring himself to repeat things the council had said. Most importantly, Ponk also had a normal sleeping schedule and was at home nearly as often. It was the most logical move.
There's the sounds of a newly installed baby gate opening and closing. A hand ruffles Sam's hair, then Ponk kneels down next to him.
"Sammy. He's gonna pee on the floor." Ponk whispers, then waves at Tubbo. "Hey puppy! I'm Ponk."
"Boo boo?" Tubbo points at the missing arm. Sam does his best not to wince.
"Yeah, I got a boo boo. That's what happens if you don't eat your vegetables. Do you want to see it?" Ponk's shoulder bumps against Sam's, as if to say ' I got this. '
Sam can't help the fond smile he gives him. There's no one else he'd rather have by his side.
Tubbo crawls out from under the table. He stands up and approaches Ponk. Slowly, a single finger reaches out and presses against Ponk's stump. It stays for a moment before he pulls it away. He points at a mostly healed scrape on his own arm.
"Boo boo." He says solemnly.
"What happened?" Ponk asks. Meanwhile, Sam grabs the pile of clothes. They pass a glance.
"Owie." Tubbo shrugs, none the wiser.
The story that Tubbo will be told years later won't mention the detail about trying to dress him. How Sam put only the diaper on, just for Tubbo to show how good he is at taking it off. He won't know that the reason he wore overalls the first three months he lived there was because in his first day of living here, Sam and Ponk had to chase him around the room to get him dressed.
In the present, Ponk winks.
"Camera take the best pictures with two hands." He tells Sam while handing him the camera.
The next time Velvet goes to town, he has a roll of camera film to turn into pictures. The first picture is Ponk kneeling next to Tubbo, grinning. Tubbo holds Fran, looking like he just finished crying, but is fully clothed. Years later, Tubbo will still have the picture hung up in his room.
The time on the clock says it's 11:35 am. According to the books, this is when young children should eat lunch. Sam has a tiny plate that's sectioned off into three parts. The biggest section has dinosaur nuggets while the two equally smaller sections have peaches and carrots. It's a very orange meal, contrasting the blue plate.
Sam forces himself to stare down at his own plate. His blue plate that hasdino nuggets, peaches, and carrots. In the corner of his vision, he can see Tubbo take a careful bite.
Tubbo, who picked the red plate, is currently dipping his peaches in ketchup. He pauses mid-dip to squint. Sam looks down at his plate again and hears the kid chewing.
It feels like a bad joke. What do you get if you cross a social eater with a child who has anxiety? You get Tubbo, who's still sniffling from the last time he caught Sam glancing at him. The books say that eating together is good for all kinds of things. Bonding, conversation practice, and learning proper etiquette.
Carefully, Sam picks up the spoon and digs at the peaches. "If the chicken nuggets are hot, then you should blow on them."
"Noooooo!" Tubbo makes a sound as if he's been kicked. He couldn't have been kicked though. Ponk's delivering a calf, Ant and Velvet are at work, and Bad's still asleep. It's only Tubbo and Sam in the dining room, sitting next to each other. But Sam is not looking at Tubbo because if he did, Tubbo would cry.
Surely a better alpha would do the same thing. Tubbo's eating a proper meal. A fed baby is a happy baby, or whatever people say about formula. Sam skimmed those parts of the books.
A better alpha probably would have read those parts. Technically Tubbo isn't a baby. He walks, runs, can undress himself, mostly talk, and is capable of using a spoon.
Tubbo doesn't feel like a child though. He uses a sippy cup, can't put on socks, makes sounds that pass for words and is still in a diaper . All Sam wants to protect him. To pull him close, put a hand on the back of his neck, and promise everything will be okay.
Instead Sam refuses to move, keeping his head down and eating a dinosaur shaped chicken nugget. It tastes like dust.
"More please." Tubbo pinches his fingers and taps them together.
"What do you want?" Sam makes the mistake of turning his head and looking him in the eyes.
Tubbo's eyes go wide, instantly filling with tears. The only thing Sam can do to fix it is to look away. "I'm sorry. What do you want more of?"
He makes a noise. Sam has to run the noise through his brain, thinking of the context and mentally adding consonants to it.
"Of course you can have more milk. Can I have your cup?"
"Okay."
Without looking, Sam reaches a hand over and feels for the cup. Once it's firmly in his hand, he stands up and goes to refill it. Unscrew the lid, fill it halfway with milk, screw the lid back on, take it back to Tubbo. All without looking at him. Because this is progress. This is meeting Tubbo where he is. This also happens to be hell.
"Thank you!" Tubbo smooshes the phrase together like it's a single word with joy. It must be infectious because Sam finds himself smiling. The dino nuggets taste a little better.
Tensions run high before the full moon. Bad has a tendency to stare at the window. Ant gets defensive. Sam gets stressed. Ponk spaces out, the closest he ever got to talking about his old pack. Whatever Velvet did, Sam wouldn't know because he does a very good job of nose out of whatever (or in this case, whoever) Ant's doing.
Sam wakes up to screaming. There's a moment where all he can think is ' Not again ' as the wolf prepares to protect his pack with his life.
"It's okay. Your son's being the absolute worst." Ponk's hand wraps around Sam's paw. Maybe Sam trusts Ponk too much, because the wolf melts back into something human.
"Why's Tubbo only my son when he's being annoying?" Sam definitely trusts Ponk too much, because he leans his head on Ponk's shoulder.
Ponk laughs and Sam can't stop himself from smiling. "Who do you think he learned it from? We should get your son to quiet down though, before he wakes up everyone else."
As they head out of the room, Sam winces when he sees the time on the clock. It's early.
Early enough that Ant and Velvet still haven't left for work. Velvet's messing with the coffee machine while Ant chases Tubbo. Tubbo runs around the kitchen table, screaming . The tv's playing a children's cartoon in the living room.
"Shhhh! If you want waffles, you need to- Shit, sorry." Ant goes standstill. "He was awake when we got up. We figured why not let him up for a little bit? Maybe he'd tire himself out and fall back asleep."
While Ant continues to ramble, Sam squats in wait. The moment Tubbo's in arm reach, Sam scoops him up.
"Full moon's tomorrow. Little guy probably can't help it." Ponk says. A pang of gratitude shoots through Sam.
Tubbo does his best to squirm out of his father's grip. Even if it'd mean he'd fall a couple of feet before landing on the floor. "No! Don't like it! Down!"
Sam doesn't realize that his other hand has drifted up until Tubbo freezes. Then all he can think about is how easy it would be to put his hand on the back of Tubbo's neck, where the skull meets the spine. He can see what would happen; Tubbo would go still and Sam would quietly excuse them, leaving to take him back to bed.
The other three are still talking, unaware of internal conflict within Sam. Tubbo frowns at him, eyebrows furrowed together.
An armful of boy becomes an armful of wolf cub. It's not what Sam expects, it's easy for Tubbo to wiggle out. He lands with a thud, but he gets back up and zooms out of the room. Excited howling echoes through the house.
"Bad's not going to worry if that wakes him up." Sam says. It's a neutral statement, so Ant shouldn't freeze the way he does. Velvet gives Sam a look that he can't decipher.
Velvet softens when placing a hand on Ant's shoulder. "Why don't we go to the bakery for breakfast?"
"Uh yeah. That sounds good." He stands up abruptly.
"It's alright. Sam's taking Tubbo outside to get rid of the zoomies." Ponk says it lightly, but Sam knows what he actually means. Sam's fucked up again and Ponk's going to fix it.
Sam nods to his brother before making a swift exit. "Have a good day at work. Stay safe." He opens the front door, "Tubbo! Let's go for a run!"
For the rest of the day, Tubbo can't spend more than half an hour in a single form. Thankfully, the little guy falls asleep before the sun even sets, and doesn't stir until morning.
Nightmares were not uncommon. Most of the time it was Sam who bore them. Empty beds, watching his pack die, or being condemned by the council. Despite how short Tubbo has lived with them, he's had his own night terrors, waking up crying. The worst times would be Ponk's though. When he would wake up, grabbing the remaining stump, shaking and gasping. Sam couldn't fix it. All that can be done is to hold Ponk until they both fall back asleep, or morning comes.
It was after a nightmare like that when Ponk told Sam he was part Korean, and that other members of his old pack were Korean. It's the most Ponk has ever told Sam about his old pack, about anything that happened before they met. All Sam could do was hold him tighter, and mention the Korean restaurant in the next town over.
Whenever Ponk would get distant, Sam suggests going there for dinner. In the months it took to adopt Tubbo, they were too busy to go. Paperwork, renovating, talks with Phil, and preparing for a wolf cub took up all of their free time.
"It's been over a month since Tubbo's started living here. Ant and Velvet will watch him, and we'll get dinner and see a movie. It'll be a nice night out. So we'll dress nice and you won't bring the fanny pack. Please Sammy?" All Ponk had to do was say please.
Maybe Ant was right that Sam was whipped. Sam's left the fanny pack at home, and is wearing his nicest slacks and button up. He's even put on a tie for one. For what purpose? For Ponk to disrespect their son.
"If we're going to let him shift in the house, then we have to be prepared. We're lucky that there hasn't been more accidents than what's happened. Sammy. This is reasonable." He punctuates every sentence by taking a small bite.
"We're not-" Sam pauses, waiting for the server to pass their table, "We're not buying dog potty training pads for him. It's demeaning."
"You're the one who's going to buy him doggy shoes when it gets cold. That's way worse."
"The booties are anti-slip. They're designed to grip ice and snow. And they'll keep him warm. All a training pad does is encourage him to pee on the floor." This is a losing battle. Sam knows Ponk's going to make him stop by the store on the drive home and buy a box. The best Sam can get out of this is being able to tell Tubbo that he tried to prevent it from happening, when everyone would tease Tubbo about it once he's older.
"He'll only pee where the pads are. That's the beauty of it. We can put one in each of the rooms he's allowed in, so we don't have to chase him outside when he starts to go."
A point is being made. It would be convenient. "Why would he bother wearing a diaper then?"
"Tubbo likes wearing pants. He gets cold easily." Ponk gestures with his chopsticks. "It'll only be for a few months."
"We'll pick up a box. If it doesn't work, then we'll figure out something else." Sam nods.
The conversation falls into a lull as they continue to eat. Nothing has to be said for them to enjoy each other's company. The restaurant's pretty upscale. A little pricey, with dim lights and quiet music in the background. It's not the kind of place someone would take a kid too. In Sam's opinion, that's for the best. Tubbo wouldn't be interested in sitting in a booth and quietly eating kimchi.
Last year, Ponk got Sam a Korean cookbook. It's one of Sam's favorite birthday gifts. When Ponk gets held up at work, Sam takes over dinner and makes one of the recipes that he bookmarked.
Sam knows that the food he makes from it isn't as impressive or as good as what they get on their nights out. However when Ponk walks into the kitchen with a softness in his eyes that makes Sam ache, there is a feeling of completeness, of pack.
Tubbo belongs in the middle of that. The first picture Sam saw of Tubbo, the toddler was barely a year and a half old and Sam had just learned the medical term ' failure to thrive '.
"Since you're the one who brought up the puppy...." Sam trails off. Inside there is knowledge, feelings, and instincts that will never be able to fit inside words.
"He's fine. Ant and Velvet are doing a great job. They watch him all the time." Ponk says for what's probably the fourth time since they've left the house. "We trust them. Sammy, even if something happened, they would call us. Phil's a few minutes away and no one at the bar would have an issue with Bad leaving early."
"Everyone's safe. I know that everyone's safe. It's just.... Do you think he went to bed alright? This is the first time he's gone to bed without one of us there."
Ponk's eyebrows twitch but his voice remains steady. "Even if Tubbo had issues, we're going to be there when he wakes up. He didn't fall asleep alone and he won't wake up alone."
"Sorry. You're right." Sam takes a deep breath in. "I trust Ant to take care of Tubbo."
"That's good. I trust Ant and Velvet to take care of him." There's a smile tugging on the end of Ponk's lips and Sam can't help the laugh that escapes.
"Velvet is at the house." He agrees, then it's Ponk's turn to laugh.
As they look each other in the eyes again, there is a tension released. The conversation changes topics to the old woman in the village who doesn't know what a PDF is. Ponk's usually right and this time is no different. Sam can't ignore the feeling of needing to be there for his son, however.
However, there is a lightness in his soul now. As they go to the movies after dinner, it stays. When they come home and find Tubbo still awake despite him supposed to have gone to bed four hours ago, it's easy for Sam to laugh it off.
Sam carries him to bed, and almost cries when Tubbo gives him a kiss on the cheek. If it wasn't for bags under Tubbo's eyes, Sam would have stayed up with him, hand on neck.
"Beep beep! Sheep in a jeep on a hill that's steep." Sam has his eyes closed while he 'reads'.
"Uh oh!" Tubbo exclaims the moment Sam turns the page.
"Uh oh! The jeep won't go. Sheep leap to push the jeep. Sheep shove, sheep grunt but sheep don't think to look up front." He recites the entire board book, knowing when to flip the page. Tubbo points out the pigs, cheers when the sheep get the jeep out of the mud, gasps when they tree into a tree, and nods solemnly when the wreckage of the jeep is put up for sale.
"Again please!" Tubbo demands the moment the book is closed.
"Sorry puppy, I'm tired. Why don't we read Brown Bear, Brown Bear?" Or anything else. There's only so many times one human can read the same story.
Tubbo shakes his head, then takes the book out of Sam's hands. Sam opens his eyes.
"Beep beep! Sheep-a-jeep! Hill that's steep! Uh oh, jeep won't go!" Tubbo flips the pages whenever it's time, and Sam realizes two important things. The first thing is that Tubbo might be the smartest person in the house. The second thing is that Sheep in a Jeep needs to tragically vanish to somewhere Tubbo won't be able to find it. Maybe the top shelf in the laundry room. It doesn't need to vanish forever . Just long enough for Tubbo to discover that other books are also fun to read.
If it's morally wrong to scheme ways to hide his son's favorite book, then being a good person isn't worth it.
Tubbo's eyebrows furrow together as he finishes reciting the book. He turns to Sam and grins. It's the kind of grin that doesn't hide anything, just pure elation. "All done!"
"You did a good job reading! I'm so proud of you," Sam only tenses a little when Tubbo throws himself against his chest, trying to wrap his arms around for a hug. There's no hesitation in returning it, holding him tight, "I love you."
"Love you!" Tubbo echoes back. He hides his face in his chest and wiggles.
Sam's hand is a breath away from the back of Tubbo's neck when the telltale sound of Ponk's van can be heard. Tubbo lets go, using Sam's chest as a springboard to launch himself across the living room. At some point, Tubbo's gotten tall enough to just barely open the front door. Little hands wrap around the doorknob and that means it's Sam's turn to launch himself across the room.
Plus One
The sound that Sam makes upon waking up is something awful. As he jolts up, he can still feel a hand digging into his arm. Once his eyes adjust, his growling turns into apologies.
"Puppy, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. What happened?" He reaches out and Tubbo flinches back. It's now he can see the tears in his eyes.
Tubbo holds the toy wolf tighter and begins to sob.
"It's okay, it was an accident. I'm not mad." The soft words do nothing. He still backs into the corner, crying.
A whine tears itself out of Sam's throat. His instincts howl to get the cub and make it better. All he can do is sit there, trying to remember breathing exercises he learned in a different time. It's like tearing himself into two as he refuses to listen to his wolf. Even as his self splits, he figures out a compromise. One last breath in, out, and he opens his eyes.
"I'm going to get some milk and cookies. Would you like some?" Sam asks, praying that his voice doesn't shake too much.
"Y-Yeah please." Tubbo says.
Sam ignores how Tubbo presses himself against the wall when he passes him. Once he's made his way into the hallway, Tubbo follows. The kitchen has a nightlight, which is more than needed to see. There’s a practiced calm in getting two small cups from the cabinet, opening the fridge for milk, and pouring two glasses.
He's done this for Ponk and Bad. There was even a time he would do this for Ant. The only difference now is that Tubbo gets a sippy cup.
Tubbo's already sitting at the table when Sam sets the cups down.
"Which cookie do you want?"
"'Nickerdoodo." Tubbo's absolutely incomprehensible, but Sam gets two snickerdoodles and sets them on a napkin. He sits in the chair next to him, sliding the peace offering over.
Sam listens to the chewing, but stares down at his own untouched cup. It doesn't take long for the munching to finish. He's figuring out the next thing to say when a pair of little hands wrap around a singular hand of his. A breath catches in his throat.
Tubbo plays with his hand, twisting it around and bending fingers. His hand is moved, shaked, poked, and prodded. Tubbo's face is still red from crying which is why Sam stays still.
The hand is pressed against a familiar spot. A part of Sam stops aching. He brings himself to look at Tubbo and sees his hand sandwiched between the back of his neck and his own pair of hands.
Huge brown eyes stare at Sam. The same relief, the same lightness is echoed back in the eyes.
Sam doesn't move his hand when he pulls his son in for a hug, presses kisses on his forehead.