Chapter Text
Dani used to love practicing yoga. She was a natural at it. All long, strong limbs and flexibility from years of sports, dancing, and whatever else her father thought might someday look impressive on a resume. She started taking yoga classes during undergrad at a small studio by her apartment. Walking inside always felt like a comfort; the distinct smell of lavender, the small beaded wind chimes, and carved wooden totems of Buddha that lined the shelves. The room itself was tiny, barely bigger than her studio apartment, with shiny, dark wooden floors that creaked gently when you walked on them. Going to this class felt grounding, ritualistic. It was 60 minutes of no cell phone, no outside distractions, just being.
It was there she learned how to breathe, really breathe. Her yoga teacher called it “Lion’s Breath,” a big, strong exhale with her tongue out after the biggest inhale she could muster. The same teacher told the class they could breathe this way in life, too, maybe without their tongues hanging out, but the mechanics were all the same.
She used this breathing as much as she could. Right before exams, or asking women out on dates after classes. She used this breathing when she finally mustered up the courage to ask Sophie to marry her. When she defied her father’s wishes for her nuptials. When she stood outside Gigi’s office with takeout Chinese, ready to apologize. Big breath in, long breath out.
But today, this breathing failed her. As she watched the prosecutor question the key witness about the mutant-like efficacy of the opioids – her father’s opioids – she clawed for that breath, but it never came. She watched her father fidget next to Pam, his insufferable attorney, who quickly motioned to cover up the microphone. Suddenly, the room felt hot as realization dawned on her. He was lying. Dani felt a familiar ringing in her ears followed by the strong and steady whooshing of blood pounding through her heart. Her mouth suddenly went dry, and she lost the feeling in her fingers and toes. She kept trying to draw a breath but it felt like she was at the bottom of a swimming pool, inhaling water, not air, into her lungs.
She vaguely remembered telling Gigi that she wasn't fine, and the next thing she knew she was being whisked out of the courtroom. Dani tried to breathe, tried to fill her lungs with the air that she learned how to gather from rooting down to the earth, but the last thing she wanted to do was tether herself to this moment. And so, she couldn’t. She caught vague snippets of her own voice, followed by Gigi's, and finally fucking Pam.
This is too much…
Just breathe…
Think I need to leave…no…no I can’t leave.
She’s not well.
You’re rescinding a witness.
I know it’s hard but just fucking try to be a human being for a second. Look at her. She needs time.
Dani, you’ll be held in criminal contempt of court…they will find you.
Go fuck yourself.
Dani had broken into a full-body sweat by the time they made it into Gigi’s car, the chilling blast of air conditioning from the vents doing little to help her. She had a feeling nothing could. Dani was afraid, for the first time since she was a little girl, that this panic attack might actually kill her. When her panic attacks started, she was 11 years old, trying to grapple with the mother she had just lost and the father who floated away like a spirit through their too-large house. A father who was supposed to care for her with things that cost more than fancy schools and possessions – things like love, support, honesty.
How much of her life had been a lie? How many things were written off as normalcies but were really not? Dani considered that this lie had cost people their lives. Thousands of people.
Gigi had asked her somewhere between the car and the house if she had a doctor she could call, a prescription she could fetch from her condo. Dani had none of those things, just a sinking, sad realization that her life was shattering around her.
Gigi helped Dani into her loft and onto the couch. A cold washcloth was draped across her forehead, and an afghan carefully swathed her lower body. The last thing Dani's consciousness registered before falling asleep was the fact that she could not stop her body from shaking.
----
When she came to, she felt momentarily like she had been drinking. Her head swam, and her mouth was so dry. The room around her was dark, and the light came from elsewhere in the house. How long had she been here? She looked around more, spotting her shoes beside the couch, her phone and a bottle of water on the coffee table in front of her. Slowly, she swung her legs from the couch and placed her feet on the area rug below her. She recognized her surroundings and felt some of her tension lift. It was here, in Gigi’s house, that she felt herself root down. She drew one long breath in through her nose and out of her mouth.
“Gigi?” She called into the semi-darkened room.
In seconds, it seemed, Gigi rounded the corner from the kitchen into the living room. She had changed out of her courtroom attire and was wearing jeans and a sweater. Her face had been scrubbed free of makeup, and her hair looked damp as if she had showered. Her feet were bare. She sat down gingerly beside Dani, putting a hand on top of the taller woman’s and squeezing gently.
“Hey,” Gigi said, concern lacing her tone in a way that made Dani acutely aware of just how much of a spectacle she had made today. “How are you feeling? What can I get you?”
Dani blinked a few times, trying to make sense of what happened this afternoon. “I need to see my dad.”
Gigi flinched slightly as if shocked by this. "Okay," she began slowly, placing a palm on Dani's cheek. "Are you sure that's a good idea, love? Today seemed intense."
Dani slumped forward, breaking the gentle caress. She slid her elbows to her thighs as she buried her face in her hands. “He’s lying, and I need to tell him I can’t take the stand – I won’t take the stand.”
“I don’t know if you’re in a state to drive right now,” Gigi said with her tone still slightly tinged with an edge. Dani heard this tone all day and realized it was one of protection.
Dani chewed the inside of her lip as she considered this. Her brain still felt so fuzzy and she could feel her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. She tried to line the words up with the way her heart was feeling, but her thoughts felt like marbles someone whipped across the floor. "Could you take me?" Her voice sounded so small that the sound of it made her want to scream.
“To your dad’s?” Gigi questioned carefully. Dani was learning this woman quickly and knew she was choosing her words. She wore everything right out there on her sleeve when it came to the people she cared for, and now was no different. She was protective – with good reason.
“Yes, or I can take a-a Lyft,” Dani resolved and reached for the bottle of water that had gone warm on the table. She uncapped it and took a long drink before placing the bottle back down. Her hand was shaking some, and she tried to steady it.
Gigi looked at Dani for a moment before she broke her gaze. Dani had not known Gigi to be without words, and it unsettled the younger woman slightly. “Dani, I am in no way trying to make today about me – because it is not about me in the slightest. But you had a pretty severe panic attack today.” She blinked rapidly, and Dani could make out tears rimming those beautiful brown eyes.
Dani panicked all over again, mostly because Gigi was not one to cry often. She felt like such an asshole, unable to keep her feelings and emotions in check. “I shouldn’t have asked you to come with me, I am sorry, I—”
Gigi held up a hand as she roughly brushed a tear away, taking a moment to compose herself. “I am not telling you this because I think you need to apologize to me for being unwell because you don't. Nor do you need to apologize for your dad’s trial, and the pressure that’s been mounting on you. But please understand that I was scared for you today. More scared than I think I’ve been in a while. I called Nat to see what I could do for you," Gigi took a deep breath and cleared her throat, tone evening back out. "She told me to watch you, make sure you were comfortable. Make sure you had water and stayed calm. The last thing I want to do is put you back in the position that upset you so badly today.”
Dani stared at the woman beside her, baring her soul. It was here that she realized that her feelings were more than just a lustful romp spurred on by cultural comforts and an easy rapport. For Gigi being so astute with her, she kept things close to the vest for the most part, and now Dani was getting a front-row seat to how she was feeling. Here, Dani realized she was falling for this woman, her brain so numb that the thought did little to stir her. Her heart so ravaged by today that the impact didn’t hit yet. She leaned in to kiss Gigi’s forehead, letting her lips linger for a few extra seconds. “I’m sorry I scared you.” She mumbled against her forehead.
“Don’t be sorry,” Gigi smiled softly, lovingly, as Dani pulled back slightly. “But is this the best idea?”
Dani considered this for a second. “It’s not the best idea, but I have to do this. I can’t support him, and I can’t let days go on where he thinks I’m going to be the Ace he pulls out of his back pocket. Fuck that.”
Gigi nodded as she studied Dani. “Okay,” she said finally. “You know what’s best for you, and I support you.”
“Does Nat think I’m a total crazy person?” Dani asked worriedly, chewing her lower lip again.
Gigi laughed. “Well, when we first broke up I was so angry, and so sure that I was right that when Nat wouldn’t open the door for me I nailed my wedding ring to the front door. On top of that, Nat is a therapist, and in no way feels that way. She is not going to go running to tell Alice, and whoever else she’s around. This is a serious thing, and she knows it.”
Dani found humor in picturing Gigi, in her beautiful suits and perfect accessories doing all of this, but the other woman succeeded in distracting her with the thought even if it was for just a few seconds. “I can’t picture you doing that.”
“Tell me about it,” Gigi shook her head as she tucked a lock of hair behind Dani’s ear. “The point of this is, you are not ‘crazy’,” Gigi made air quotes with her fingers, “for having a very logical stress response to what’s been going on with you for the past several months, love.”
Dani nodded as she reached for Gigi’s hands, grabbing them both, finding those eyes that she found so much solace in. “I wouldn’t have made it through today without you here. God, I feel so fucking cliché and pathetic right now, but I need you to help me do this thing with my dad. Then, I want to come back here and shower in your ridiculously nice shower and sleep until noon.”
Gigi listened intently to Dani, nodding as she comprehended the plan. “As if you could sleep until noon?”
Dani managed a small smile. “You know what I mean.”
“I do,” Gigi said simply. She rubbed her hands against her jeans, as if trying to will herself to get up. She blew out a breath. “Shall we?”
----
Gigi knew the drive to Beverly Hills from WeHo like the back of her hand. Usually, she loved the drive, watching the houses start to grow in size, catching the errant celebrity doing something frivolous like washing their car or teaching their kid how to ride a ridiculously overpriced bike. But tonight, she felt a strange foreboding in her stomach for Dani. They had been driving in in silence along the 2, which still unmercifully crawled with traffic despite the evening hour. As if this drive couldn’t get any more terse, LA traffic always served as the undefeated villain.
Gigi errantly fiddled with the radio stations, hopping from channel to channel on the satellite radio. Nothing fit the moment, and she settled on classical, hoping that maybe, by osmosis, the notes would seep into Dani’s nerves, soothing them a bit. Gigi couldn't fathom what this woman was going through. All she could think about was that damn lawyer, staring so cold and calculated at Dani while the woman all but fell over in court. It made Gigi question the legitimacy of the defense, something it didn’t take an empath or a detective to figure out but here she was nonetheless. She knew this was not her place to weigh in on, having learned that very early on. Had someone suggested a boundary with her father at Dani's age, she would have laughed at them.
Gigi glanced over at Dani, who stared out the window vacantly, leg bouncing up and down mercilessly in the passenger seat. It made Gigi uneasy, to say the least. She was good at reading situations, good at solving issues. Her therapist cautioned her constantly, reminding her to stop anticipating needs, to stay in her lane, but to Gigi, it felt like Dani needed the extra TLC tonight. A million thoughts ran through Gigi's head. Maybe she could get Dani to eat something, or talk a little more about what the next step was. Maybe encourage the younger woman to gather her own legal counsel. Gigi was no lawyer, but she understood how the bureaucratic bullshit could topple on Dani like a rotted lawn chair and any moment. But, questions could wait. Tonight, she was just going to follow the Navigation and listen to the almost imperceptible piano tinkling out of her speakers. She tried to ignore her heart sinking as the ETA time ticked closer and closer lit up on her center panel.
"Turn's coming up," Dani said without looking at the Navigation. Gigi knew the street. These homes were huge. There was no lurking or hiding over here, and it made her acutely aware of her nice but not nice enough SUV crawling along the block.
“Do you want me to circle the block a couple of times or?” Gigi asked, feeling suddenly like she was 16 years old, making out in the back of Azadeh Hakimi’s dad’s Benz on ritzy streets like this.
“Um,” Dani blanched. “I hadn’t thought this far ahead.” She closed her eyes for a second to gather her thoughts. “The…the Denisons are never home. Pull up there,” She pointed to a governor’s driveway with four gaudy stone lions sitting in pairs at the front on each of the drive’s entrances. “Kill your lights.”
“Kill my lights?” Gigi couldn’t stop the laugh that came forward. She caught Dani’s glare and agreed. “Okay, you have your phone. If something weird happens, I’m right here.”
“What’s he going to do?” Dani scoffed as she pried open the door handle to the Cadillac and shifted out and onto her feet. “He’s got nothing left.”
Gigi managed a tight smile as Dani gently closed the passenger door.