Chapter Text
Chapter 1 – Last day, sad day
The birds in the aviary varied. Their cages big and delicately patterned. Gold, silver, red, emerald, bronze. Those are some of the colours of the cages in the aviary. Nie Huaisang thought that having some colour in his favourite place will help him feel content. However, those colour remains a pigment saturated in iron. It can’t help brightened his life or his view of life anymore.
For so long he had schemed his way to victory. To the death of Jin Guangyao. He had managed to resurrect his best friend, Wei Wuxian, whom had help him tracked and retrieved his brother’s body after he discovered that it was missing.
It still serves as a nightmare in one of the long nights. The image of Nie Mingjue on the threshold, holding Baxia and exuded resentment and killing intent so potent Nie Huaisang felt like he might just die from that.
The aftermath was unexpected.
He didn’t mean for Lan Xichen to struck the final blow.
It was supposed to be him.
There was supposed to be no one else on that temple except for them both –Nie Huaisang and Jin Guangyao (probably with an addition of Su She)- and Nie Huaisang will be the one to finally fulfil his revenge in killing that double-faced bastard that had dared to kill his da-ge but Wei Wuxian had tampered with his plan, along with Lan Xichen, Lan Wangji, Jin Ling, and the ever angry Jiang Cheng. Oh! And all those fake monks.
He already had everything ready. The Soul Crushing talisman, the Portal talisman. His war fan was also polished and sharpened. He only had to be there and proceed with his plan. He had calculated that he’ll probably never walk out of there alive, so, he didn’t think much before he followed the other idiot cultivator up the mountain. That syrup with red food colouring really served it’s purpose of looking like blood. He can’t risk having his spiritual energy drained, he worked hard to cultivate to use those portal talismans.
But it didn’t go as planned, so he had to improvised and let Su She captured him instead. The hit that Su She used to make Nie Huaisang faint doesn’t even hurt. He had to opt for silently being dragged instead.
Nie Huaisang sigh.
Now, there was nothing else to do. His sect is managed well. His heir had been decided and currently in training with Nie Zonghui, his most trusted advisor. He didn’t know what he’s waiting for anymore.
Death?
If only it will be so swift.
Peace?
He had given up on that long ago.
Is he lonely?
Terribly so.
He had hoped that finally having his revenge will give him satisfaction. He didn’t want happiness, just satisfaction. Of managing to kill the person responsible for years of torment and scheming, years of being humiliated and being undercover, years of miserable nights and being in pain because he had to build his immune system to poisons.
But, no.
He felt cold.
Numb.
Detached.
Now that his revenge is fulfilled, he’d liked to think that he made it. He’d like for his life to move on to the next chapter now, since he didn’t end up dead.
But he didn’t know what to do anymore. He had lived longer than da-ge. He never even knew he’d be able to do that. Outliving his brother.
He let out a soft, wistful laugh and walk out of the aviary, the birds no longer distracting him from his sorrow and the melancholic air surrounding him. So, he goes to the cliff that used to be his favourite painting spot. He remembered da-ge scolding him here, when he had to drag Nie Huaisang back to the fortress because it’s gotten dark and he got distracted with painting. He missed da-ge. He missed their banter. He missed laughing with his brother. He missed being childish. He missed his innocence. He missed his smile. He missed life.
He didn’t know how to live anymore.
It’s weird. He spent years, almost two decades, on revenge and on the way to fulfil that particular thirst, it was filled with secrets, lost connections, and weird techniques that will guarantee he lived. How to survive. How to fight. How to look harmless. He had to stay alive. But he hadn’t lived. Not how he wanted.
He sighed again, right hands holding a beautiful war fan. Perhaps, when he died, when that day comes, he’ll finally found peace.
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After his brooding session end, Nie Huaisang found himself seated at the Sect Leader table, reading and writing correspondents. He never liked doing sect leader jobs. It was exhausting and it reminded him of his abrupt adulthood. Where he had to catch up with other Sect Leaders, who had years of experience (or advisors that help them manage the sect), when he had no clue what to do as he hadn’t been trained for it like his brother.
Nie Zonghui helped but by the time Nie Huaisang is really good at his job, the well-cultivated façade of “The Useless Head-shaker” had already stuck with the whole cultivation world. Nie Huaisang find no reason to stop that so he spread even more rumours as he worked behind the scene. Acting, spying, collecting, and finding more information about his brother’s murderer.
It had been satisfying when Jin Guangyao’s name had been tainted. The pleasure alone could keep him awake for days but Nie Zonghui would drug him if he ever finds Nie Huaisang seated in the Discussion Room more than he should be and Nie Huaisang had build tolerance to poisons, not drugs.
It had happened. Nie Huaisang is not proud of it. It is funny, but doesn’t mean he liked it. He couldn’t sleep most days, so he filled it with working his ass off. He couldn’t understand why Nie Zhonghui had such an inclination to make him sleep and eat regularly.
He is a cultivator, damn it! He can live with less.
Alas, Nie Zonghui and his inner guards are all loyal people. He pretended for their sake even though his soul tormented him for being weak.
Hours later, after the last of the correspondents are answered, Nie Huaisang found his back stiff from sitting too long and his fingers cramping up from holding the brush. His neck is no better. He is one giant (tiny) sore organ. Everywhere hurts and with that, he finally retired.
He changed from his ‘Sect Leader’ grey and green robes, the colour of the Nie sect, to a simpler light grey silk sleeping garments. Finally free from the heaviness of the day clothes.
He released his hair from it’s intricate braids and jewels and walk to his bed (a simple wooden bed filled with mountains of pillows to keep him warm, a habit that he hadn’t managed to let go since he was a child).
As he closed his eyes, he wished he could do something to change his fate. His fate and everyone around him. And above all else, he’d like to be the one to kill Jin Guangyao himself. Not someone that will let him get away with multiple murder charges. Not someone that will forgive that bastard for all the crime he did because he trusted his innocence and reasons even though evidence shows otherwise.