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It’s the very early hours of the morning when Obanai woke up, shivering. The moon still shone, and he realized that there’s probably about another hour to go before dawn. Yawning, Iguro turned over, ready to fall back asleep, and nearly jumps out of his skin at the sight before him.
Mitsuri Kanroji, the girl of his dreams, the love of his life, lay asleep beside him. Completely naked, without even a blanket covering her. Wait, this isn’t his futon. It’s hers! All at once, memories from last night flood back into his mind.
Mitsuri pulling off his bandages. Him letting his hand slip inside the open part of her uniform. Her guiding him to her futon. Obanai rolling on top of her as they kissed. Her hands going for his belt. His hands pinning her wrists above her head.
Obanai sat up so quickly he’s surprised the movement didn’t wake Mitsuri. Looking around, he can see their clothes tossed about around the futon. If his memory wasn’t enough, the undeniable proof of just what he and Mitsuri did last night is lying right in front of him.
Iguro blushed hard. Last night was so incredible, he can hardly believe it happened. And Mitsuri! She had done it with him! More than once, at least. Realizing something, he placed one hand on his leg and one on his chest. Yep, he’s pretty sticky. He blushed harder, but that’s to be expected. Wait, was Mitsuri covered in it too? He turned to face her again, and as if he wasn’t already beet red, he turned an even darker shade.
Practically her whole body is coated in him, and where the moonlight came in through the window and fell on her, his essence made her skin gleam. She’s so, so beautiful. Even more so in this moment, asleep. Even with her hair a mess, her limbs spread out, all this visual evidence of their late-night activities on full display. Selfishly, Iguro wished he could see her like this more often. He desperately hoped that when Mitsuri wakes up, she would want to continue where they had left off last night.
But for now, he’d let her sleep. Deciding to capitalize on this opportunity, Iguro shuffled in closer, ready to cuddle up against her until she wakes up. There’s no way he could fall back asleep when watching her sleep is entertaining enough.
As he is about to pull the blanket back over her, considering that he had woken up cold and not wanted the same to happen to her, Obanai noticed something. On her shoulder, a dark purple mark. Confused, Iguro leaned in closer, trying to figure out what it is. He inhaled sharply.
It’s a bruise.
Obanai felt something sink to the pit of his stomach. Everything he was feeling, all the happiness, vanished instantly. Iguro is vaguely aware of his breathing becoming more ragged as he scanned her body, searching for more bruises.
They’re everywhere. All over her shoulders, arms, breasts, her thighs. Looking up, he can see even darker marks on her wrists where he had held them. Had he really held them that tightly? The murky feeling deep inside him grows stronger.
Iguro stared at Mitsuri hard, searching for any other marks he left on her. There’s a few hickeys too, and some on him as well, but he doesn’t care about what’s going on with his own body.
And… oh god, is that blood? It’s dark enough that it’s hard to tell, so Obanai slowly leaned down to check. Is it? Yes it is. Oh god. Iguro’s heart beat so hard he can hardly hear himself think. How could he have done this to her? How could he have hurt her, all to make himself feel good?
But wait. Didn’t she say it was her first time? Yes, he remembered that, because he’d said the same thing. A wave of relief washed over him, even though he still felt immensely guilty about the bruises. But bleeding is pretty normal the first time. Growing up in a household of just women has taught Obanai a thing of two. It was Mitsuri’s first time, so her bleeding a little bit was normal.
Wait.
It was her first time.
She… what had he just done? She wanted to get married. She was waiting to get married. Oh god, did he just take that away from her?
Iguro felt like he was going to throw up. What had he just done to Mitsuri?
He glanced up at her again, his essence smeared all over her porcelain skin. How could he have thought she looked better this way? He had stained her with his tainted blood, his cells, his very essence had coated her skin and filled her up. Obanai buried his head in his hands, determined not to cry.
She didn’t deserve this. She deserved so much better than him, and yet he had dragged her down to his awful, cursed level. How had she let last night happen? Why had she let it happen? Had she… had she enjoyed it?
If she had, Iguro didn’t know if that would make it better or worse.
No. Not again. Never again. If he had taken her first time, he was determined not to take anything else from her. He’d never do this to her again.
With that decision in mind, Obanai stood up, careful not to wake her. He quickly pulled all his clothes back on, trying to think about how sticky he was going to get them. Once fully dressed, he turned back around and watched Mitsuri sleep for a moment more.
The urge to curl back up with her was still there, but weaker. It took only a glance at her wrists to snap himself out of it. But… he can’t just leave. She’d be scared if she woke up and he was gone. But he can’t handle staying in her house for much longer.
After a minute’s deliberation, Iguro tiptoed to the kitchen where a pen and a stack of paper have been left out, along with an unsent letter addressed to him. Oh god, would he still be able to write to her? Would that be okay? Probably not. No, he better not. It would be cruel to continue taunting her with his letters. This one, which he scribbled out quickly, would be his last.
Once back in her room, he carefully folded the letter and placed it purposely on her dresser, where she’s sure to notice it. Now he really should leave, before she wakes up and he makes the whole situation worse than he already has. He turned towards the door, trying to keep himself from looking at Mitsuri again. Wait, but he almost forgot someone.
“Kaburamaru? Where are you?”
A faint hiss came from under the discarded blanket. The serpent hashira’s beloved snake was curled up underneath, having woken after hearing his name. Obanai vaguely recalls having gently placed the snake on a table he’d passed as Mitsuri had led him to her room. He’s a little glad that Kaburamaru had made his way into the room, so he doesn’t have to go all throughout Mitsuri’s house searching for him.
“Come on,” Iguro gently picked up Kaburamaru, letting the snake fully settle himself across his shoulders before finally leaving.
Mitsuri shivered. Still half asleep, she groped around for her blanket. Unsuccessful, she turns over to snuggle up against Obanai. She meets cold air. Slightly annoyed, she slaps her hand to his side of the futon, feeling around for him. When she realized that she can’t feel him at all, Mitsuri finally forced open her eyes. Her bed is empty, aside from herself.
“Obanai?” She called out, her voice stiff. She cleared her throat and tried again a little louder. “Obanai?”
No response. Where could he be? Forcing herself to rise, Mitsuri wandered out of her bedroom on shaky legs. “Obanai, where are you?”
Oh! Maybe he’s in the kitchen starting breakfast! If there’s one thing she appreciates about Iguro, it’s how he understands and respects her need to eat. Although it was only recent that he would actually eat with her, he always sat with her and never commented on her portion sizes when she ate. Mitsuri hurried to the kitchen. “Obanai, are you there?”
But the kitchen is dark and empty. Mitsuri started to sweat a little bit. Where on earth could he be? She started to check every corner of her house, moving faster with each empty room. By the time she returned to her bedroom, she’s practically sprinting.
“Obanai?” She called out again, even though it’s pretty obvious that he’s not in the house anymore. She glanced around worriedly, searching for any sort of clue for where the snake pillar could have gone. That’s when she saw it.
A letter is sitting in her dresser, neatly folded and definitely was not there last night. Mitsuri snatches up the letter and plopped back down onto her futon. She quickly unfolds the letter, desperate to know what Obanai could have written for her.
Dear Kanroji,
I’m sorry. I’ve tainted you, and there’s no going back now. My blood, my very being, is filthy, and I gave it to you. I don’t deserve to be with you. You deserve so much better than me. You joined the demon slayer corps in search of a husband, and I sidetracked you. You told me how you were waiting to get married, how you were saving yourself. And I destroyed all of that. So I won’t confuse you with my feelings anymore. I love you, but I ruined you. And I hate myself for having enjoyed it. What happened last night happened, and I am so sorry for it. Please, live your best life. Without me.
With love,
Iguro.
Mitsuri doesn’t even realize what she just read until her vision becomes blurry and water drops fall onto the paper. She glanced up toward the roof, does she have a leak? But it’s not raining outside. The realization that the water is her own tears hits her so hard, she doubled over.
She cried so hard she could hardly breathe. Why? Why would Obanai write this? How could he be so mistaken? She frantically wiped her eyes and reads the letter again, but the message is the same. He left. Mitsuri is about to wail aloud when she realized what he means. Did he regret last night? No! He couldn’t! Why should he? Mitsuri definitely didn’t regret anything. This had to just be a misunderstanding. It was both their first times, maybe he was just nervous.
That settled it, she was going to go talk with him as soon as possible. Mitsuri stood up, wiping her tears and reached for her discarded uniform. As she did so, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She was a mess. Her hair was wild and knotted, and her skin shone with… something. Mitsuri’s face burned as she realized just what was coating her skin. More memories of just what had happened last night flooded back into her head.
There was no way she could go outside like this, so she quickly decided to bathe and then go find Obanai. As she left the bath water to heat up, she piled her futon and blanket into a corner, to wash later, after she had sorted this whole mess out.
Once in the bath, Mitsuri scrubbed quickly, hoping to not let too much time pass by. She really wanted to talk with Obanai about what he had written as soon as possible. And the more she thought about it, the more worried she got. As soon as she was done, Mitsuri hardly dried herself off before dashing back to her room to reread the letter.
Fresh tears stung her eyes as she scanned the page. Please, live your best life. Without me. Try as she might, Mitsuri couldn’t interpret that in any way other than what he had meant. Why did he say that?
“It’s fine.” Mitsuri spoke aloud, as if voicing her thoughts would somehow make them real. “Obanai was just confused and nervous. He didn’t mean to write that. I’ll ask him about it now.” She nodded hard, and forced herself to repeat this in her head as she braided her still wet hair.
Getting dressed was a chore. As soon as it came time to put on her socks, Mitsuri broke down again. Obanai had given her these socks. How could he think he could leave her life so easily, when he was so essential to her, right on down to her daily uniform?
Finally, after resolving herself, she managed to pull on the socks. She didn’t have any other ones to wear, and it didn’t feel right to go without.
“Obanai! Obanai it’s me!”
Mitsuri stood in front of Iguro’s house, banging on the door. She’d come as soon as possible, but now it seemed all that was in vain. The love pillar knocked for a seventh time.
She was sweating hard. Why wouldn’t he answer? Was he even home? Mitsuri quickly ran a loop around his house, peeking into any windows with the curtains drawn. Every room was dark and empty.
Mitsuri could feel herself starting to panic. Why wasn’t he home? Where could he be? She knocked once more for good measure, before sitting down on the steps leading to his door. Once again, tears threatened to fall, but she refused to give into them again.
“Think Mitsuri, think.” The pink haired demon slayer pressed her fingers to the sides of her temple. “Where would Iguro go?”
Oh! Maybe he went to Sanemi’s to train! She knew they trained together frequently. Mitsuri jumped up and dashed towards Shinazugawa’s estate with the revelation. It took her a while to get there, the Wind Hashira was pretty far off from the other hashira mansions, but Mitsuri arrived fairly quickly. She skittered up to the front door and knocked twice.
A full minute passed before Mitsuri knocked again. Wait, was Sanemi even here? Or was he on a mission? She tried to remember, but since Obanai was the only one whom she frequently talked with and exchanged letters with, he was the only hashira who’s schedule she knew.
Mitsuri was about to leave defeated when Sanemi appeared, coming in from the main gate behind her. She whirled around and spoke before he had even registered her presence.
“Shinazugawa! Have you seen Oba-uhm, Iguro?”
If Sanemi was shocked by her question, he doesn’t let it show. “No. I haven’t seen him in weeks. Why, you got a problem with him?”
“Oh, uhh, no reason! Thanks!” Mitsuri hurriedly left his property, not wanting to deal with his annoyance, and started the long trek back to her own mansion.
Where could Obanai be? Mitsuri was starving, but she was so worried that she didn’t even think to stop and eat. Once back home, she read Iguro’s letter again, and promptly began to cry once again. Why had he left? Was he ever going to come back? As her eyes scanned his letter again, Mitsuri felt as if he never would.
Only after her stomach had growled for the twentieth time did Mitsuri finally pull herself out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen. It had been 2 days. 2 days after finding Obanai gone. 2 days of constantly going by to check his house, 2 days of worrying. Mitsuri was so stressed she could hardly stand it. She had cried so many times she didn’t think she could anymore, but then she thought about him leaving again, or reread his letter, or checked his house to no avail, and the tears came back anew.
Mitsuri dug around, searching for anything to eat. She had forgotten to go grocery shopping yesterday, so her home was practically empty. Finally she found pancake mix and her hidden stash of Sakura mochi. Opting for the food that didn’t need to be baked, Mitsuri brought the bento to her table and began eating. It made her feel a little bit better.
Why was Obanai avoiding her? Was he really that sure what he had done was wrong? It wasn’t at all! He just needed to hear that, but she couldn’t find him anywhere. She had sent her crow out to deliver messages to him before, but every time her crow had returned emptyhanded. What if… what if she never saw Obanai again?
“CAW! CA-CAW!” Snapped out of her funk, Mitsuri glanced up towards the window, where her crow has just perched.
“HASHIRA MEETING! CAW! ALL HASHIRA ARE CALLED TO UBAYASHIKI’S MANSION AT ONCE! CAW CAW!”
A hashira meeting! Iguro couldn’t hide from her there! He wouldn’t miss a hashira meeting, never. She could finally confront him there. Reinvigorated, she quickly got up, getting into uniform as quickly as possible. She even kissed the crow on her way out, thankful for such a great message.
As soon as Mitsuri arrived at Ubayashiki’s house, she practically sprinted to the garden in search of the hashiras. And praise be, he was there. She scrambled over to him, ignoring the wave from Shinobu and Rengoku’s booming greeting.
“Obanai! Obanai!”
Mitsuri ignored the collective gasp that arose from the other hashiras. She didn’t care if they heard her refer to Obanai so familiarly. She skidded to a stop in front of Obanai, desperate for him to listen to her.
“Obanai, I need to talk to you. Please.”
She was twisting her hands so tightly together that she was sure she’d lose feeling in them soon. Sweat dripped off her as she awaited his response. But none came.
“Obanai.” Silence. “Iguro!”
He wouldn’t look her in the eye. Why wouldn’t he look at her?
“Obanai, please,” Without thinking, she reached out for his hands and grabbed them. Almost instantly, he ripped them away. If all the other hashira weren’t paying attention before, they definitely were now. Even Muichiro was watching, though he seemed kinda out of it. Mitsuri stared at her hands, red rugburns started to stain the white of her hands from how roughly he had pulled away. The tears that had been gathering in her eyes finally spilled.
“Iguro! Why won't you talk to me?”
That’s when it happened. He turned. He physically turned away from her. Mitsuri’s heart couldn’t take it. The tears that had begun to stream down her face became a waterfall. Iguro flinched as Mitsuri started wailing in front of him.
“Mitsuri!” Rengoku started approaching her. “What’s wrong?”
She couldn’t take it. Without offering an explanation, Mitsuri fled the garden, leaving the remaining hashira shocked at her departure. If her tears weren’t nearly blinding her, she would have noticed that Iguro had turned back around to watch her go.
Obanai couldn’t breathe. Why did she do that? Why did she refer to him by his first name, in front of all the hashira no less? He didn’t deserve it. And even though it hurt to see her so desperate, so sad in front of him, he knew it was better this way. She was better without him. But he had not expected her to start bawling when he refused to address her, even less so when she had run away.
Guilt immediately washed over him. He should go see if she was okay. He had no idea Mitsuri would be this upset because of him. If she was, he would never forgive himself. All he wanted was what’s best for her. He couldn’t bear to see her cry this badly. Iguro started to go after her, but Rengoku appeared directly in front of him.
“What did you do?” Rengoku loomed over Iguro, their height difference suddenly accentuated.
“Nothing!” Iguro stammered as he tripped backwards. Rengoku stepped towards him and panic flitted through Iguro’s mind. He doesn’t know what to do, what was Rengoku going to do?
As if God had smiled upon him, an interruption arrived. Two of Ubayashiki’s daughters emerged from inside the house, followed by the Master himself.
Oh, thank goodness! Obanai immediately fell into a bow, followed by the remaining hashira only a half second later.
“Greetings, my children. The flowers smell exquisite today.” The Master paused. “But where is Mitsuri? Surely she got my message?”
Iguro felt like he was on fire as the gaze of every hashira turned to him. He was sure he was going to combust when he felt Ubayashiki turn his way as well, but he refused to look up. There was no way he was going to explain this situation to the hashira, no way. He wasn’t going to embarrass Mitsuri anymore than he already had.
When the silence had finally reached peak discomfort levels, and Obanai was sure he was going to die if it stretched on any longer, Shinobu spoke up.
“I’m not entirely sure what was going on, but Kanroji seemed quite upset. She approached Iguro, but he didn’t respond, and that only seemed to aggravate her further. She ran off just a moment ago.” Shinobu glanced towards Iguro once she had finished, but he still refused to look up.
“She seemed very sad. I grieve for her,” Gyomei’s rosary rattled as his blind eyes began to cry.
“It was quite dramatic!” Uzui announced. Iguro silently willed Kaburamaru to go bite the Sound Hashira. Kaburamaru didn’t.
“I see.” Ubayashiki looked troubled, but he decided not to pry much deeper. “Well, I’m disappointed that she will have to miss our meeting. Will one of you please find her and report our discussion to her after the meeting? I suppose anyone of you, except for Obanai.”
Muichiro was the only one who chuckled at that.
Iguro whipped his head around to glare at the boy, but he had gotten distracted by the clouds again. Shinobu raised her hand.
“I’ll go.”
“Thank you, dear child. Now, let us get on with our order of business.”
The master began discussing why he had called the hashira here, and Iguro could finally breathe as his colleagues gazes shifted from him to Ubayashiki. Though he mostly paid attention, Iguro’s mind was racing. Why was Mitsuri so upset? What did she need to say to him?
He was still mentally toiling over these questions when the meeting ended. The hashira began to disperse, Sanemi throwing him a judgmental glance on his way out. Giyu and Muichiro left without saying anything, the latter taking his time to wander out of the garden. Shinobu made a point of walking directly in front of him as she left in the direction that Mitsuri had fled in, and Iguro could almost feel her annoyance rolling off of her in waves.
Only after Iguro was sure that all the hashira had left did he stand up. Should he go to Mitsuri’s house? Was she okay? No, Shinobu was heading there now. If she was still feeling bad, surely her friend would cheer her up. He didn’t need to go. No need to upset her more with his presence.
Obanai started to walk back to his house, determined not to think about today’s turn of events anymore. Kaburamaru must be hungry. Yes, he’d focus on that.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Shoot.
Iguro slapped the hand that was gripping his shoulder, but Rengoku didn’t let go. Letting out an audible sigh, Obanai turned to face him. “What?”
“What was going on with you and Mitsuri? What did you do to her?” Rengoku’s unblinking eyes narrowed. “…Did you hurt her? Oh my god, did you hu-”
“No!” Iguro pulled himself away from Rengoku and was shocked that Rengoku didn’t immediately grab him again. “I didn’t hurt her. I didn’t…” But he had, hadn’t he? Obanai felt as though Kyojuro’s bright gaze was staring into his soul. The flame hashira crossed his arms, looking just as intimidating as when he was facing a demon.
“I just… I’ll go talk to her. It’s nothing. It’s a misunderstanding.”
Rengoku didn’t look pleased with this answer, but after a long, long moment, he accepted it. “You better. I can’t believe you made Mitsuri cry at a hashira meeting.”
“I know. I’m… I’m sorry.” Obanai hung his head. What had he done? The reality of what he had just done finally hit him, breaking through the barrier of lies and excuses he had built up. He had hurt her. He had loved her and then left her, and then publicly humiliated her when she had asked why. Oh god. When was he going to stop ruining her life?
Rengoku seemed to sense that Iguro was regretting whatever he had done, and he placed his hand back on the snake pillar’s shoulder, with less force this time.
Iguro looked up, and Rengoku almost winced at the misery in his friend’s eyes. But it didn’t diminish the fact that Obanai had hurt Mitsuri, his student. His sister. “Go now. Go talk to her. And… don’t do that to her. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt by someone she cares about.”
Oh. There it is. She cares about him. Not that Obanai didn’t know that, of course he did. But Rengoku knew. And if today made anything clear, it’s that the other hashira now knew too. But Mitsuri didn’t care. She didn’t care that everyone was going to be watching as she begged him to talk to her. Everyone knew that she cared about him, but that also meant that everyone knew that he had hurt her. If what Rengoku had said before wasn’t enough to get Iguro to go and apologize, this realization was.
Without even acknowledging what Rengoku said to him, Iguro pulled himself together and practically sprinted away from him and towards Mitsuri’s mansion. The wind stung his eyes as he ran, but Obanai didn’t mind. It dried the tears in his eyes.
Obanai arrived at Mitsuri’s house in almost no time. He ran right up to the door, not stopping once, and knocked loudly.
Obanai panted heavily through his bandages, checking to make sure that Kaburamaru was alright after his dash. Kaburamaru hissed loudly, clearly upset from all the events of the day.
“I’m sorry buddy. I’m going to make it alright.” Iguro patted his snake’s head right as the door opened. He glanced over in surprise. Shinobu had opened the door, not Mitsuri. She had her typical smile plastered on her face, but Obanai could see right through it. She was pissed.
She slammed the door shut before he could say anything. “Hey!” Obanai knocked again, then leaned against the door and listened. He could just barely hear Shinobu calling something to Mitsuri, but he couldn’t hear her response. Iguro felt panic rising in him again as he knocked once more. Mitsuri had wanted to talk to him. Had he upset her so much that she no longer wanted to hear anything from him? Obanai was about to knock again when the door swung open once more. It was still Shinobu who had opened it. She stepped out of the way to allow him to enter, and Obanai did immediately, not quite convinced that she wouldn’t slam the door on him again.
As he bent down to remove his shoes, trying to be respectful of Mitsuri’s home, Iguro heard the door open again. Worry flitted through his mind, was she going to shove him back outside? Then he remembered that she had no physical strength to do so, and that the insect pillar had already let him inside. He looked up and saw her slip outside, throwing him a glare as she shut the door behind her.
And just like that he was alone. Well, not alone. Mitsuri was somewhere in here, and Shinobu had just allowed him privacy to talk to her. Kicking his last shoe off, Obanai scurried through the house, peeking into rooms in his search for the pink haired girl. Kaburamaru turned his head to the left, and Obanai quickly turned in that direction. As expected, his trusted serpent was never wrong, and there Mitsuri was.
And if the snake pillar had hated himself before, it was even worse now.
Mitsuri was crumpled on the floor, surrounded by half eaten plates of Sakura mochi and pancakes. She was blowing her nose into a handkerchief, with a few soiled ones tossed about beside her. Her hair was a mess, she must have been twisting it in her worry. Obanai winced as she looked up at him, her eyes red and watery, with clear tear stains on her cheeks.
“Obanai!” She cried, and lunged forward to grab his hand. On instinct he shed away, and Mitsuri tripped. Realizing his mistake, Iguro caught her waist just before she hit the ground, and carefully lowered her into a sitting position. Mitsuri stared at him wide-eyed as he slowly sat down a good distance from her. As soon as he was settled, the spell broke.
“Why? Why Obanai? Why’d you leave? Why’d you write that?” She was trying so, so hard not to cry. She wanted to grab at his hands again, but what if he left? What if he slapped her hands away?
Iguro couldn’t take it. The sadness. The desperation on her face. He couldn’t bear to look at it. Scrunching his eyes shut, he murmured, “I told you.”
Mitsuri’s hands shook. What? What was he talking about? She leaned over and lifted up a stack of empty dishes, pulling out the paper hidden underneath. “This?”
Obanai was forced to open his eyes to look at what she has in her hands. It’s the letter he wrote her. “Yes.”
Mitsuri’s lip quivered. “Why did you write this?”
Iguro winced. “It says so in the letter.”
“No, Obanai, tell me! Say it to my face, please,” As if on cue, a single tear rolled down her cheek. The sight of it was enough to get him talking.
“I don’t deserve you. You know my past. My family is evil, my bloodline is cursed.”
“I don’t care about that!”
“But I do, Kanroji!” He shouted the words so loudly, Mitsuri flinched. Even Kaburamaru seemed bothered by his volume, as he slithered off Obanai and buried himself under a handkerchief.
“I hate myself and I don’t understand why you don’t hate me too. I fooled myself into thinking it was okay, that I could be with you. But then I realized just what I had done.” Obanai buried his face in his hands.
“That night… when I woke up… I saw you. And I saw what I had done to you. You were covered in bruises. Don’t say it’s fine, I know it’s not fine! I can still see some on you!”
Mitsuri glanced down at the open part of her uniform, where Obanai is staring. Yep, he’s right, if you looked closely you could see just a few bruises littering her skin. She hadn’t even noticed them before.
“And not just that,” Iguro started again, before she could interject. “I… I made you bleed. And I…”
He glances up at her face, and he knows she knows. She can’t deny that. But he can tell that she doesn’t care. And that bothers him.
“I made you bleed Kanroji! Do you get that? Do you understand what that means? What I did to you?” He’s getting frazzled. What should he do? What can he say to make her understand? Maybe it would be better to just apologize and leave, instead of making this any worse.
“I’m so, so sorry Kanroji. I never meant to do this to you. I don’t want to hurt you like that again. I promise that I won’t.”
She’s staring at the ground, and Iguro can’t tell if she’s heard what he said or if she’s still just processing it.
“I should go,” Obanai stood up quickly.
“No!” Mitsuri looked up so fast that her braids went flying. Her voice is shaky and panic shone in her eyes. “Don’t go! Don’t leave again!”
Against his better judgement, he stays. “…Okay.”
“I loved every second of that night. Don’t say you didn’t!” Mitsuri pointed a shaking finger at Obanai. “I know you did too.”
“Kanroji…”
“But then you left. You just left! I don’t get it. How could you leave after what happened? Do you know how scary it was, to wake up and realize you were gone? I had no idea where you went. And then I read that letter and I just-” Mitsuri cut off as she was overtaken by sobs again.
“No, Kanroji! You don’t get it! I ruined you. You were waiting for marriage. You wanted to get married. And then we did what we did, and well… I took that away!” Obanai ran his hands through his hair. Why didn’t she get it? “What are you going to do now, Kanroji? What are you going to say when you get married? What is he going to say?”
Mitsuri stared up at him, eyes glassy. “But…”
“I’ve made this whole mess for you, but you’re the one who’s affected by it. You’re the one who has to deal with what I did.”
“But I want to marry you.”
…
What?
What did she just say?
A full minute goes by after she says that before Iguro reacted. “What?” He whispered in a voice she can barely hear.
“I thought we were going to get married. I thought… You said you loved me. I said I love you. We…” The love pillar blinked furiously, trying to clear her tears. “I thought you were going to propose, after that night. Maybe not right away… but I thought we had at least entered the courtship phase. But you… you... you didn’t.” Fresh tears fall as she started bawling.
A loud thump startled Mitsuri out of the sobs that have wracked her body. She looked up, shocked. Iguro had fallen to the ground, hands covering his face. Mitsuri inhaled sharply as she realizes that he has finally started crying too.
“Why Mitsuri?” The tiniest of smiles flitted across Mitsuri’s face as she heard Iguro refer to her by her first name. “Why me?” The smile disappeared. “You know what I’m like. My blood is filthy. I don’t deserve anything. I definitely don’t deserve you. So why would you want to be with me, when you know what I’ve done, when you know what my family has done? Just how cursed my bloodline is… why would you want to join it?”
Even though it hurts to look at her, Iguro forced himself to lift his head from the floor. His tears have soaked his bandages, and he yanked them off to further sell his point. “How could you want this!?” He jabbed a finger at his own mouth, the scars stretching across both his cheeks. It’s ugly. He’s ugly, and she’s so beautiful. Just another way that he’d bring her down.
“Obanai, Obanai. I don’t care. Look at me,” Mitsuri grasped his hands between hers. “I don’t care about any of the that. I love you, and you’re enough for me.”
“No I’m not,” He whimpered, but didn’t try to pull his hands away.
“Yes you are! I love you. Do you hear me? I love you. I want you. You are good enough. It’s not your fault.” Obanai has begun weeping again. She removed one of her hands from his and cupped his face.
“So please, please, don’t leave me again. I can’t-”
Iguro pulled her into a hug so quickly that Mitsuri gasped aloud. “I won’t.” He buried his face in the crook of her neck and lets himself cry there. “I promise.”
Wrapped in this embrace, Iguro makes a promise. He’ll never hurt her again. He’ll never leave her again. And even though some part of him still doubts that he’s worth it, he pushes it away. It doesn’t matter anymore if he thinks he’s good enough. Mitsuri thinks he is, and even if he wasn’t, she doesn’t care. She wants him. She wants to marry him. She loves him. And he loves her back. He’ll marry her, not just because she wants him to, but because he wants to be with her forever too. He’ll love and cherish her, and even if his blood taints her, it will be okay. Because she wants him to. She doesn’t mind. And that’s more than he deserves, so he’ll pay her back by loving her his whole life.
Obanai’s wrapped his arms around her so tight, Mitsuri can hardly breathe. But she doesn’t care. All that matters is that he’s here, and he’s not going anywhere.