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“Baby, I swear I didn’t drink that much, it was just-
- Yeah, yeah. Like always, right?”
It was almost always the same thing when Eren and Armin went partying and it was Armin’s turn to drive.
Eren would swear on the entire universe that this time he’d use his Spidey-sense to guess when the drink he was pouring himself wasn’t just a drink, but The Drink, the one that would send him over the edge of tipsiness into the wilderness of his drunk self. Funny enough, his Spidey-sense would always kick in a little too late—late as in five drinks after The Drink.
“I’m tired…
- I know. Let’s go to bed, hm?
- Hell yeah.”
Armin tried to make the night routine as short as possible. The main priority was to get Eren to bed with a change of clothes and, as he was being particularly patient and quiet tonight, brushed teeth and a clean face. Moments like these made Armin feel like he was taking care of an oversized child, but well… He wanted Eren to sleep comfortably; plus, he knew that Eren did the same one the nights where Armin wasn’t all that sober.
“You’re so sweet, you’re so—why are you leaving me?” Eren asked when Armin tucked him under their blankets. “Where are you going? Can I come?
- I’m just going to get ready for bed. I’ll be right back.”
Armin let out a long, relieved sigh he didn’t know he had been holding when he finally let himself fall into their bed. His entire body was sore; the combination of a long university day, hours of partying and bringing Eren back home was exhausting to say the least. But he wouldn’t change it: the way his face was still aching from all the laughing and the way his mind still was a little giddy from seeing their friends felt too good to give up on it.
He slightly jumped when strong arms circled his waist and Eren nuzzled his nose against the back of his neck.
“Jeez—you really do get ten times cuddlier when you’re drunk, don’t you?
- Mmh, I can’t resist it. You’re so soft and I, and I… Man… I forgot but I think it’s important because your smile is so pretty.”
Armin just laughed and melted into Eren’s warm embrace with a happy smile and closed eyes.
“Maybe I should’ve asked Mikasa,” Eren said in an unsatisfied frown. “She knows, I’m, she probably knows.
- What does she know?
- About the flowers in the sky and, and the one, you know who built the ocean?”
Armin shook his head.
“I don’t, love, I’m sorry. But I do know that you’re tired and drunk and you need to sleep.
- I’m drunk?
- Yes.
- Oh my—what? Really?! But how? How did it happen?
- You drank too much. Don’t worry about it, just sleep. It’s fine.”
After a while of Eren whining about the meaning of life and the secret to happiness and who the hell built the ocean?, both managed to doze a little on and off. Armin found himself to be a little too agitated to fall asleep right away, and Eren pulling him out of sleepiness by kissing his face here, and here, and there again didn’t really help—though it very much was cute and, after a while, kind of started to lull Armin to sleep…
Until Eren asked the fatal question.
“Minnie?
- Yeah?
- Would you still love me if I was a worm?”
Armin winced as a long, heavy sighed escaped his lips. Of course: the night was going too well. So well that he had completely forgotten about the obligatory Eren is drunk and asking questions and not letting me sleep until I answer them phase.
“Go back to sleep, Eren.
- But I want to know.
- And I don’t want to be able to relate to cringey TikTok boys. Sleep.
-You’re so heartless. All I wanted to know is if you’d love me no matter what.
- I’m just weirded out by the bizarre questions you always ask me when you’re like this..”
Somehow, The Drink didn’t only make Eren drunk; it created a sort of cosmic shift what made Eren the, if Armin was honest, most oddly curious person that the sun had ever seen. If Sober Eren’s motto was mostly “I don’t really know, I kinda don’t care,” Drunk Eren’s was the exact opposite. “Would you sacrifice me to get the chance of meeting Mothman if he was sexy?” ; “Why is our face on our head? Like, why isn’t it chillin’ on our elbows?” ; “Do you think Jean has a hidden cousin in southern Spain?” ; and just so many strange questions that Armin oftentimes couldn’t really answer mostly because he had never thought about them before and because he was just too damn tired to think about them.
“So the answer is no?
- Eren, I don’t want to talk about this right now.
- I want to know.”
And the thing was that not only was he oddly curious, but he was so goddamn stubborn too and wouldn’t relent until Armin found a good enough answer. Because these questions were very interesting and totally super important.
“I’m just curious,” Eren continued. “You’re so smart and you think about so many things and I’m just a dumbass. Can I not ask you to share your wisdom with me?
- You’re not a dumbass.
- Don’t change subjects. I wanna know.
- I don’t want to think about worms right now… Can’t we just cuddle and go to sleep?
- After you’ve answered. ‘Cause, you know, you need to teach me life and I…” A long, unnecessarily dramatic sigh escaped Eren’s lips. “I’m just looking for love and maybe worms is the answer.”
Armin just laughed and shook his head. He knew he wasn’t winning this one. All he could do was shift to lay on his back and look at his droopy-eyed, drunk goofy boyfriend and, despite him looking like he’d fought three bears during a tornado, Armin thought he looked very much cute and loveable.
“Why would you be a worm in the first place?
- I dunno, just… Imagine a parallel universe where I would be a worm. Kinda like the one we saw on TV the other day, I forgot its name, you know the weird one…
- Hallucigenia? The ancient one?
- Yeah, that. That, or I… Or I… Or… Or I just turn into a worm. Because of magic. Would you still love me? And would you go on a date with me? So we can, you know, we can be the lovers?”
There were a lot of things that came to Armin’s mind. A lot of quite atrocious images, to be precise. What would worm Eren look like? How would he even know it was Eren? Worms all look the same… And they don’t really have distinct personalities… And how could he be attracted to a worm anyways? At that point it didn’t really matter if it was Eren or not. They were so tiny and slimy and-
Oh no. Ew. Why can I never sleep peacefully?
“Listen, it’s not that I don’t love you. You know I do. But… Saying that I would love and date you as a worm… It would also imply that there is a possibility for me to be attracted to worms and that’s just… Not a possibility I feel like exploring, ever.
- Rude. You know I would love you if you were a worm.
- Eren, you’re scared of bugs. You’d never fall in love with one.
- But you would be different. Because you’re Armin, my Armin, my Minnie-baby, and I love you so much.
- Gosh, you’re being so damn corny and cheesy right now…”
Eren’s grip around Armin tightened as he covered his shoulders, neck and face with kisses; to which Armin could only reply by laughing. Drunk Eren was a bit (way too) insisting on questions, but he was also just a big… Pile of sincere and warm love that just demanded to be poured onto someone. Armin could probably never really admit it aloud, but the thought of him being the lucky guy that could get spoiled with all of Eren’s affection like that made his heart feel warm and fuzzy.
Even if the price for that was a big curious Eren that smelled like the one too many vodka-coke he had earlier that night… But oh well. As long as he was calm, didn’t pick yet another fight with Jean and wasn’t dangerously drunk, he supposed it was fine.
“How about this: I love you because of how amazing of a person you are, because of how happy I am with you—and how good-looking and hot you are—and… I don’t think your… Worm self could bring out any of these things that I love so much about you. You see what I mean?”
Eren thought for a while, then nodded.
“And adding to that: you couldn’t go to the gym like you always like to do if you were a worm. We couldn’t go have our little workout sessions together. That would be sad. And there would be no playing the guitar or reading books late at night together.
- Man… Really? That would suck… I thought that… Maybe, you know, with the worm and all, it could grow extra limbs but… Man, a worm, it can’t lift anything or sing songs…
- Exactly.
- But you love me.
- Of course I love you, silly. You’re my man.
- I’m your man?!
- Yeah, you’re my man. My boyfriend.
- Holy shit.” Eren said with an impressed smile as he sloppily kissed Armin’s cheek. “I get to be your man. Can’t believe I landed you… That’s gotta be the best thing ever.”
And off he was.
***
“Arms, have you seen this weird thing on TikTok where people ask their partners if they would love them if they were worms?
- Mmh,” Armin answered with a smile, “I have.
- That’s so weird. Why would anyone ask that?
- I don’t know, ask your drunk self.”
Eren’s confused expression made Armin laugh; he probably didn’t remember much of last night.
“Oh no, I asked that, didn’t I.
- Yeah, you did, and you wouldn’t let me sleep until I answered.
- Ew… Cringe. Why do I always ask weird stuff, man… I’m sorry ‘bout that.”
Armin cupped Eren’s face and kissed his forehead, thumbs slowly stroking his cheeks.
“It’s fine. You were really impressed to found out that you are my boyfriend and that was super cute.”