Chapter Text
Sidney Parker was having the dream again.
He had had this dream so often over the past few years that by now, he was familiar enough with it to know that he was dreaming.
In his dream, he walked through the beautiful grounds of what appeared to be Pemberley; grounds that looked like they had been taken straight out of an on-screen adaptation of Pride and Prejudice.
Sometimes, the sun would shine brightly in this dream; at other times, like in this version of the dream, there was a little mist in the air, which only added to the place’s mystery, and beauty.
The dream always progressed in the same way; he walked down a long path, past the lake, with the grand stately home in view in the distance.
As always, she was walking just up ahead of him.
He didn’t know who ‘she’ was, but he wished more than anything that he could find out.
She was the same woman who always appeared in this recurring dream of his. Her hair fell in gentle curls over her shoulders, and she was wearing a white dress that looked like it had been taken straight out of the Regency era. Sometimes, she even wore a red rose in her hair.
He could never see her face clearly, but to Sidney, she was beautiful.
He didn’t think he’d met her in his waking life, but he felt such a strong connection to this mysterious woman who always appeared in his dream. There was something about her that felt familiar, as though a part of his soul recognised her somehow…perhaps he had known her in another life, if such a thing was possible.
He always felt so calm, so peaceful, whenever she appeared. He had never felt such peace in his waking life. Some deep part of Sidney’s heart, the part that he always kept so guarded in his day to day life, knew somehow, that he would feel happier, more content, if he could just see her face and discover who she was; if he could just find out what his connection was to this dream figure. He felt like he would have the answer to an unspoken but important question, even though he wasn’t yet sure what that question was.
He kept walking down the path for a little while, following in her footsteps, until the woman paused just up ahead of him. As always, she seemed to look in the direction of the stately home, as though admiring Pemberley from a distance…and then, she started to turn as though to look over her shoulder at Sidney…
Sidney was abruptly awoken by the sound of the alarm clock on his phone.
It took him a moment to adjust to his surroundings, to remember that he was in his bedroom at home in London and not walking through the grounds of Pemberley.
He tried not to sigh in disappointment. Something always woke him up from his dream before he could see her face.
The alarm on his phone kept making its obnoxious sound, and with an irritated sigh, he reached over to switch it off.
“It is far too early for this!” he grumbled, although he wasn’t sure what ‘this’ was exactly, and there was nobody else in the room with him to listen to his complaining, anyway.
It had been quite a while now, since anyone else had slept in this bed.
Sidney had made the rather foolish mistake of going out for drinks with Crowe and Babington last night, indulging in a bit of flirting with a few attractive waitresses and barmaids as the night progressed, and now he was feeling a little worse for wear.
He didn’t bother to look at his phone screen just yet. He’d agreed to try, after a lot of unsolicited advice from Diana and Mary, to step back a little from his phone and his computers and his paperwork in the morning; to take a little time for himself when he woke up to think and to reflect before he threw himself straight into work, and the phone calls and the emails that went with it.
He knew that there would be some sort of message waiting for him on his phone the moment he looked at the screen-there always was; it would either be a communication from work, or news of one of Georgiana’s latest escapades that he would have to go and fix, and he had promised his sister and his sister-in-law that he would try to stop running off to deal with the latest crisis the moment he woke up every morning.
He suspected that they were worried about him; concerned that he was overworking or throwing himself into his work as a distraction from…other things that had happened in his life not so long ago.
Sidney felt distinctly uncomfortable at the thought of anyone worrying about him. He had always taken it upon himself to worry about those close to him, and he did not want the roles to reverse. He was more comfortable with taking charge in stressful situations. Besides, it would do his family and friends no good, if he could not fulfil his duties to protect them. Things would only get…complicated, if he allowed others their concerns about him; he much preferred his independence.
And yet, Sidney resisted the urge to glance at his messages, for now, allowing his family this one little say in his decisions and actions.
Instead, he laid back down for a few more moments, sighing again and putting his hand over his eyes in frustration.
The dream in general, and the woman in the dream in particular, remained a mystery to him. He always woke up just before the dream's secret could be revealed, much to his disappointment.
He had been having the dream for several years; ever since he first moved to London. He still wasn’t sure why he was having it, or what had inspired it in the first place.
A couple of years ago, a part of him had wondered if his subconscious had been seeking some sort of deeper connection with a woman; something that went beyond his typical flings.
After he’d met Eliza, he’d then wondered if the dream would simply stop, as his apparent subconscious desire for a more meaningful relationship had seemingly been satisfied, but to his surprise, the dream had continued, staying in his life for a lot longer than Eliza had, and becoming more and more frequent over the past few months.
And still he had no idea what or who the woman in his dream was supposed to symbolise, or what the dream meant. He wasn’t even sure if she was supposed to be a real person, or simply a figment of his imagination.
He had even visited Lyme Park several times over the years, in the vain hope that a visit to the place that had been used as the filming location for Pemberley in a Pride and Prejudice adaptation might provide some answers, but, although he always enjoyed his visits there, especially the happy moments he had shared with his nieces and nephew, playing games in the grounds of the stately home, he was no closer to finding an explanation for the dream.
Sidney shook his head, wondering if he had simply watched too many reruns of the Pride and Prejudice miniseries with Arthur and Diana over the years, after they constantly asked him to watch with them.
He could not rest now that he was awake-he had a busy day ahead, and there was much to be done.
He got out of bed and walked over towards the window, taking a moment to look out at the street below. The street was already full of traffic as the citizens of London began their journeys to work. Sidney would soon be joining them-he had to meet with Tom today, to go over a few figures that weren’t adding up, and he had to talk to Georgiana about her latest attempt to sneak out of London with Otis last weekend, and then he had to visit a few of the other branches, to check how things were progressing.
“Another London day,” he said to himself with a sigh, his tone of voice full of sarcasm as he continued to look out the window at the traffic below.
London had once been new and exciting to him; a place of thrills and new discoveries. Now, some of the days here seemed rather...boring.
He paused for a moment and reflected on his words, realising after he said them how terribly ungrateful he sounded.
To the outside observer, Sidney Parker had the perfect life; he lived in an expensive house in a sought-after area of London, with a stylish car parked in the driveway. He received invites to prestigious parties and events. He bought designer clothes and often travelled first-class to interesting and exotic locations. He had good friends, and family. He was successful in the business world-the latest feature about him in London Business magazine seemed to agree, anyway-and whenever he wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle, he could go and stay in luxury hotels in the British countryside, driving fast down the country roads to unwind.
And yet, for a little while now he’d been feeling like something was…missing in his life.
Sometimes, he wished for a way of life that looked a little more like the life in his recurring dream…perhaps he just wished for her, even though he didn’t know who she was.
Poor little rich boy…He could almost hear his friend Crowe’s voice in his head, gently mocking him.
Sidney shook his head, trying to snap himself out of these thoughts.
There is much to be done today, he reminded himself.
Sidney headed downstairs, past the main living room, where his bookshelf full of leather-bound classic books took pride of place.
He thought fondly of his days back in Cambridge, where he’d studied English literature; he remembered the lectures and the seminars, the hours spent sitting around dormitory fireplaces, and the time spent at bars and coffee shops with his fellow students, debating and analysing books.
He had seriously considered staying on there after graduation, furthering his study of English literature so that he could teach others who were also passionate about books. He was sure he would have been happy enough, working as a professor of literature, debating the finer points of the stories with his students; others at Cambridge had always said he had a talent, for encouraging readers to delve deeper into a story, to consider other themes and possibilities, to look at a story from every angle.
But Sidney had also developed a taste for the business world during those years, especially after completing several summer internships in the city, and the drive to create and develop and run a business had eventually become stronger than his thoughts about becoming a teacher. The summer after his graduation, he’d worked at a hotel in West London, a job that he’d particularly enjoyed, and the hotel’s building was so well designed that it had given him the initial idea for what would later be an investment into an architecture company.
Sidney loved what he did; he was passionate and driven when it came to making his business a success and making money-although he was starting to fear that he’d lost that drive a little lately-but still, he could not help missing the comparatively simpler years at Cambridge, studying literature almost every day. With every decision came a sacrifice; with every gain came a loss, somewhere along the way.
Since he had relocated permanently to London, Sidney had tried to compensate for that loss in whatever way he could; he filled his house with classic novels; he spent time reading whenever he could, seeking out quiet corners of coffee shops where he could be left alone to read; he followed various literary-themed blogs, offering his thoughts and opinions and joining in with online literary debates.
One blog in particular had caught his attention recently; it was a Jane Austen themed blog, and its writer always shared especially insightful articles. He could only hope that the blog’s author did not take some of his more passionate comments about Jane Austen’s works as insults; sometimes his opinions differed from hers, and sometimes he’d had a stressful day and lacked patience with his words, but that did not mean that he didn’t appreciate what she had to say in her blog posts.
He was glad in a way, for this online space where nobody knew him in real life, where he could share his passion for Austen’s works with others without judgement. Perhaps he did not always see eye to eye with the blog’s writer, but he enjoyed their discussions and debates all the same.
Sidney walked through the hallway, on his way to the kitchen, pausing briefly to glance at the painting on the wall of the country house and its grounds that bared a striking resemblance to Pemberley-well, Sidney liked to think so, anyway.
He often made a point of stopping to admire the painting when he walked past it.
There were several expensive pieces of artwork displayed on the walls of his home, but secretly, the picture of Pemberley-purchased on a whim and at a low price from a second-hand shop in the city after Sidney had gone in there to look at a few of the books-was the painting that Sidney liked best.
Eliza had never been much of a fan of it: “It doesn’t really go with the décor,” she had insisted with a disapproving look on her face when she had first laid eyes on it, back when they’d first been in the process of moving into this house and starting to decorate, after a year of living in a much smaller flat just outside London.
But Sidney had insisted on keeping it; it was the one piece of artwork in the house that Eliza hadn’t chosen; the one argument that he hadn’t let her win.
He would never have told Eliza, but the painting of ‘Pemberley’ reminded him of how the grounds of Pemberley looked in his dream, and the painting brought him a sense of calmness and peace whenever he looked at it.
After another quick glance at the painting, Sidney headed into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, hoping that the caffeine would wake him up a little, help him to face the day ahead.
A few minutes later, with a strong cup of coffee in his hand, Sidney finally chanced a glance at his phone.
He had a new voicemail.
This was not at all out of the ordinary on a Monday morning, and so he was barely even concentrating as he went through the motions of typing in his pin code to retrieve the message.
It therefore came as something of a shock when the message started to play…
"Sidney…it’s me…"
Sidney almost dropped his cup of coffee on hearing the sound of her voice. That voice. That voice that he had not heard in months…in what felt like years.
The voice he had once been so familiar with…the voice he had half-convinced himself he would never hear again…
Eliza.
There was a hint of an American accent in her voice now, but it was still her; she still sounded almost the same.
Why was she calling him now, after everything that had happened between them? Why was she leaving him voicemails, as though nothing had happened, when they had not talked in so long?
It had been so long since he had last seen her, so long since they had last interacted. For a while, Sidney had only caught glimpse of her by accident, at times when he’d been scrolling through the pages of online business magazines only to come across photos of Eliza and her husband, the two of them usually standing outside the skyscraper in Manhattan that housed their thriving architecture business, or standing behind desks in various fancy-looking offices, dressed smartly in expensive-looking suits, looking like they were about to take on the world together. Every photo he'd stumbled upon of 'the happy couple' had served as yet another reminder of the man Eliza had left him for; a reminder of the happy life she was living after she had left Sidney in London.
He knew he should probably just stop listening to this message; he knew he should probably just hang up and delete it before any more damage could be done, but he felt as though he had been frozen to the spot as Eliza continued to talk…
"Sidney, the divorce papers were finalised today…"
Sidney had already heard through various gossip circles in the city that Eliza and her husband had separated, that they were planning on getting a divorce. Still, it was no less of a shock to hear her confirm this out loud. It brought him no comfort, to know that her marriage had not worked out.
"And, well," Eliza continued, "I suppose, it got me thinking about the past, and you…us."
She sounded much more hesitant than usual. Sidney gripped his drink tight, his whole body tense as he wondered where this was going.
"I made such hasty decisions when I left London," she sighed. "Of course, I love my life here in New York…but I miss my life in London, too. I do wonder now, if I rushed things at the time, if I didn't think things through properly. I suppose we never appreciate what we have until it’s gone. I’ve been thinking about coming back to visit…"
Sidney gripped his cup of coffee even tighter on hearing this, feeling almost light-headed for a moment. He wished he had a free hand so that he could hold on tight to the kitchen counter, too.
He wasn’t sure how to feel on hearing this news of Eliza’s possible visit to London; there were so many mixed emotions that he could barely even begin to process them. Did he want to see her again? He didn’t know how to answer that just yet.
"And…perhaps it’s just a silly idea, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot…maybe you would like to see me again, if I came back to London. I think I’d like to see you. I’ll give you some time to think about it. Bye, for now."
Sidney stared at his phone for what felt like a long time after the message ended. He wasn’t sure what to think, what to feel. Usually, he enjoyed spending time in the kitchen, surrounded by the pictures drawn by his nieces and nephew, as well as the gifts they had bought him with the word 'Uncle' on. But right now, his thoughts were far too turbulent for him to be able to relax and appreciate his surroundings.
Why now? Why today, when he was just starting to move on a little from everything that had happened? What would he do, if Eliza arrived in London and showed up at his home…the home they had once shared? Would it do any good, to see her again, to talk about the past?
Sidney was completely distracted as he drove to work. He wondered if Eliza had any idea just how much she had upended his thoughts, in leaving him a voicemail like that, after they had not been in contact for so long.
The roads were busy and chaotic as usual.
Suddenly, a pedestrian ran out into the road in front of him without looking, as people tended to do in London, causing Sidney to have to slam on the brakes.
When he had recovered himself, he told himself that the incident had been a sign from the universe; a warning that he needed to stay focused and not get distracted, or there could be disastrous consequences. As beautiful as London was, it could be a ruthless city, especially to those who were not paying attention.
His obsessive thoughts about Eliza’s voicemail would do him no good, especially on one of the busiest days of the week.
He carried on driving, taking the same route he always took, getting closer to the architecture company building now.
He drove past a large advertising billboard, taking a quick glance at it as the traffic slowed.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life! the billboard declared, no doubt as part of an advertising slogan for some sort of new product.
Sidney couldn’t help rolling his eyes; he had very little patience for all the motivational quotes that seemed to appear all over London.
When Sidney arrived at his brother’s workplace, he stood outside on the stone steps for a little while, steeling himself from what he was about to face.
This was supposed to just be a routine catch up, a check on how things were going with the business, but Tom had been acting rather strangely lately; there were constant uneasy expressions on his face whenever the company finances were mentioned, and he refused to look Sidney in the eye whenever Sidney mentioned the company's recent bank loans to his brother. Georgiana also seemed to be dropping constant hints that something was amiss with the company accounts. Sidney knew that he was going to have to keep a closer eye on Tom, which would only cause tension between the two of them.
Not to mention that he was still feeling unsettled after hearing Eliza's voicemail, and he would no doubt be in a bad mood for the rest of the day as a result.
He walked up the stone steps and into the building, expecting yet another tense discussion about the company finances; the type of discussion that always seemed to go nowhere.
The interior of the building looked the same as it always did.
Georgiana walked past Sidney, on her way to her office from the staff room, 'greeting' him with a roll of her eyes. Nothing new there, then.
In fact, Sidney fully expected that the day would go exactly how every other day had gone for months. He felt like he had been going around in circles, day after day; the same old monotony since Eliza had left.
He did not yet know that today would be different.
He opened the door and walked into Tom’s office.
The office was empty; it seemed that Tom and Mary were currently somewhere else in the building.
Sidney headed towards the back of the office, planning on searching for the latest paperwork about the company accounts.
He paused for a moment to glance at the painting of the seaside displayed on the wall. He had always rather liked the painting; he still admired it, in a way, but now, the image of the seaside evoked some rather painful memories, too.
Another London day, he said to himself again, barely even aware of the sound of the door opening.
He turned to look over his shoulder, suddenly sensing that somebody was looking at him.
And then he saw her, standing in the doorway.