Chapter Text
r/AmITheAsshole
Posted by u/DokkanNS
AITA for deleting a certain idiot’s Twitter account after he called me a scrunkly scrimblo?
I, DokkanNS, (17M) have known this person - who I’ll call Not-My-Friend - since we were toddlers. Not-My-Friend (also 17M) has always been an idiot in my standards, but I’ve consistently tried to tolerate him. We’re stuck together, I have no other choice, duh. Lately, he’s gotten more access to socmed tho, and I just let him be at first because what could possibly go wrong?
Anyway, fast-forward to two weeks after he created a twitter account. I was on my way to club when I saw him with two idiot twins who I’ll called Piece-of-shit 1 and Piece-of-shit 2. I won’t elaborate on it further but being with Piece-of-shit 1 & 2 is never a good thing. And so I followed them to the twins dormitory and there I saw them making fucking deez nuts and ligma jokes like that’s the best form of humor they could come up with. My disappointment was unreal.
Naturally, I scolded Not-My-Friend the moment he arrived home. He promised to never use those words again, and I held onto his promise because he never goes against them, unlike myself. But then, 3 weeks later, when I went to his class to hand over some papers he’d forgotten, I saw him hugging harassing their teacher’s cat while saying “my little meow meow didn’t do anything wrong he may have killed some people but that’s all in the past” and i just went?????how did he fit that into an actual real-life conversation.
It was around that time I began to realize how deep Not-My-Friend had gotten into internet lingo. He’s at the stage where he will try to make an Amogus reference whenever he sees a red trashcan or the letter A. His humor, his vocabulary, as limited as it already had been, has taken a turn for the worst.
And then. I saw it. He called his classmate - who I’ll call Dunce - “my spoingle my little onglydoople silver 💗💗” like, what the fuck even is that? And why was he being so needlessly affectionate?
That night I confiscated all his gadgets and reprimanded him for breaking his promise. He was crying as I did that, but no, this was for his own good, I won’t let him walk that kind of path and dishonor himself even more because it’s my job, not like I care who he calls his little onglydoople
I was shocked when he talked back though. “I can’t believe you DokkanNS!” he told me. “And to think….to think I thought you were…you were…”
That was when he called me that.
“I thought you were a scrunkly scrimblo….a little…spoingle…maybe even a mipy….” he said. like, what the fuck????? Even little onglydoople sounded more cute and endearing than that.
I flipped. I deleted his Twitter accounts, I uninstalled that stupid bird app, and I erased every trace of twitter lingo in his goddamn phone.
“I…I trusted you, DokkanNS!! I thought we were best friends, I thought you said you’d be the only one who would never betray me…” Not-My-Friend said, finally, in coherent language, before he went back to his room and cried for god knows how long. I’ve already tried to make him come down for dinner, but he won’t talk to me anymore.
So, tell me, AITA? I’m open for criticism, if he doesn’t eat anything, I’m screwed
Update: He went down when I pretended to fall asleep on the lounge sofa. He ate for a bit and left after draping a blanket over me.
Update: No I’m not jealous of Dunce and I am not gay
Update: good god he just installed tumblr