Chapter Text
The nightmares were supposed to stop. Then again, when had life ever gone as planned?
Dabi woke up breathing heavily, one arm reaching out for the body that was usually pressed against his side or curled up against the edge of the cot. That depended on how Keigo’s back was doing. His hand touched a folded up paper instead.
Went for a walk and coffee. Be back soon.
Dabi crumpled the note in his hand and pressed his fist to his forehead as he breathed, regulating his body temperature. He supposed it was good that Keigo wasn’t beside him. He still panicked if Dabi’s body heated up too quickly near him.
In fact, if Keigo had woken up and gone for a walk, it was likely that he’d had his own nightmare. He needed his space from Dabi.
He sat up in bed and squinted at the sunlight streaming through his window. Frost coated the window and snow fell slowly, giving Dabi something to focus on besides the lingering images of his nightmare. He caught his hazy reflection in the glass, the roots of his hair blending into the snowfall. After a few moments he dropped his gaze to his hands.
The charred skin had extended past the lower half of his hand, stretching closer to his knuckles. That part itched and stung and still bled often especially with the cold.
Keigo had helped him with shaking fingers when the wounds were fresh. His eyes had been wide with panic, his face pale with the nausea that came from the scent of burning flesh. Dabi would’ve been embarrassed if his entire body wasn’t throbbing with pain, shaking with residual adrenaline.
He’d finally done it.
He’d killed his father.
And the satisfaction it had brought him still made his head spin. He’d heard a final apology, tossed it aside the way he’d been tossed aside when he was younger. He unleashed all of his rage, his pain, and he’d created his own justice.
He wasn’t sure how Keigo had found him. Dabi never told him his plan, afraid that he would have a change of heart and protect Endeavor. Afraid that he would regret siding with Dabi if he saw his former hero role model die in front of his eyes.
“It’s over,” Keigo had said shakily. Dabi had been so sure that he was talking about their alliance, whatever they could call that dynamic that tangled them in bed together. Then his eyes flitted up, still wide and frightened but steady. “He’s gone now. No more bodies.” He’d frowned as he touched Dabi’s cheekbone, quickly placing a rag to it to wipe away the blood. It probably hurt, but Dabi couldn’t feel anything at the time but the dizziness that came from extinguishing Endeavor’s flames for good. “From now on you need to limit your fire. It’s hurting you,” Keigo continued, his words shaky but quick and adamant. “We need to get out of here.”
No one had ever cared for him that way before. Keigo had done it once, when he was Hawks and he was overwhelmed with his animal instinct to protect the person he took to bed. But this was Keigo, free of that biological demand, and even frightened and trembling and shocked, he tried to help.
So Dabi stopped using his fire. Sometimes he still rolled a small flame between his fingers, a habit he couldn’t seem to break. Shigaraki hadn’t held the fact that he didn’t want to use his quirk against him. As leaders of the PLF, he told Dabi to get his subordinates to do the fighting for him. They were in a lull anyway, doing more planning than active fighting, so it was a perfect time for him to heal.
Things were strange now.
After Keigo exposed the Commission, they had to leave Deika because despite their best efforts to hidden, Keigo had long since told them the location of the headquarters. In that time, Keigo dyed his hair, Twice and Toga had snagged some new clothes for him, and they’d receded into the shadows of the city to keep him safe. Shigaraki let the toucan man take charge at Deika, and while he’d bitched about it, he’d let Keigo stay with them. Once Endeavor was dead, they fled the city, knowing there would be eyes searching for both the former number two hero and the villain who’d made a spectacle of Endeavor twice.
They were in Tokyo now. It was a new year. They’d laid low, doing their best to disappear among the millions of faces in the city. With the right clothing, it wasn’t all that hard. People’s minds were fickle, and they forgot about the things they couldn’t do much about. Shigaraki insisted they needed to go back soon and finish the plans they had with All for One, but even he seemed to relax a bit more in their new hideout.
Then there was Keigo. With new nightmares of his own, with gentle hands that still pulled Dabi out of his. Keigo, who introduced Dabi to the concept of casual touch just because he wanted it. Dabi wasn’t sure what to make of it.
They weren’t dating. They’d never made anything official or exclusive, never bothered to label it. Dabi didn’t think things were romantic or emotional so much as they were physical and desperate. He’d promised to help Keigo, and that’s what he had to do next, whatever that meant.
Keigo was still compiling the information he’d managed to steal, plotting the downfall and exposure of corrupt heroes whenever he could. Dabi had caught him catching up on the UA students on his new phone a few times, but he never bothered to say anything.
Dabi’s goal had been revenge for so long, and now that he succeeded, he wasn’t sure what he was left with. He hadn’t expected to survive it, not really. He hadn’t even cared about the country’s response to it. His anger had nowhere else to go, nothing more to feed on. Keigo at least seemed to have something he was working toward, so Dabi simply had to keep up his part of the bargain and follow him.
It was still confusing when he woke up looking for him and didn’t find him. Or when he looked at the extending burns and remembered Keigo’s frantic worry and his own unspoken promise.
Dabi groaned and ruffled his own hair, trying to clear his head. He needed to remember what this nameless thing was. He couldn’t fall into the trap of comfort and routine like he had that summer. If he did, he would let his guard down, and he couldn’t risk that. Not just with Keigo but with anyone.
He stood up from the bed and left the room, making a beeline for the bathroom so he could splash cold water against his face. By the time he went to the common area, Keigo was back. He had a coffee cup in his hand and two plastic bags, one of which Toga took from him as soon as he kicked his shoes off. She began distributing the contents to the others, each one calling out a, “Thanks, Kei!” before returning to whatever they were doing.
Keigo walked toward Dabi, holding out a box of chocolate filled panda cookies. “It was the last one in stock. Came close to fighting a kid for it.” Keigo’s mouth quirked up at the corner before it fell. “Have the burns been bothering you?”
“Why?”
His thumb brushed along the bottom of his eye lightly. “It looks irritated.”
“You’re cold.”
“Well, it’s January. And it’s snowing,” he pointed out. He let out an amused scoff when Dabi met his words with narrowed eyes. He held out his coffee. "Want some?"
Dabi took a generous gulp before grimacing. "You always get it too sweet," he mumbled. He peeked into the bag still hanging from Keigo’s hand to see a box of hair dye. “Time for a touch up?” He combed his fingers through Keigo’s dark red hair, exposing the blond roots as he did so. They’d grown out enough to make him look like his hair was trying to imitate a fire- ironically.
“Help me so I don’t miss the back,” Keigo said. He gestured toward their bedroom, and Dabi followed him to the bathroom attached to it.
He was quiet. Lately, Keigo was always quiet. He didn’t blather endlessly unless he happened to get caught up in a debate about a TV show with Twice or Compress. He wasn’t as cocky or sarcastic. He’d been broken time and time again, and it showed.
It still left Dabi feeling unsettled sometimes.
“You have gentle hands,” Keigo murmured as Dabi smeared the dye into the last quarter section of his roots near the nape of his neck.
His gaze dropped to the pink, glossy flesh of his shoulder and the back of his neck with its fishnet pattern. He hummed noncommittally.
“Take a shower in thirty minutes,” he said as he finished up. He threw out the gloves, eyeing Keigo as he stared at himself in the mirror. “You gonna tell me what the nightmare was this time, Little Red?”
Golden eyes flickered to his reflection. “I walked it off.”
Dabi hummed and tilted Keigo’s chin toward him, away from the mirror. “You’re still a shitty liar.” He softened the sting of his words with a kiss. “Since you were gone this morning,” Dabi said as he pulled away.
He left the bathroom and grabbed the panda cookies he’d left on the counter. He sat on the couch, eating them one by one while a badly acted drama played on the TV. Toga was filing her blades idly, enraptured by the screen. Twice was just as invested, chewing his nails as he watched and muttering commentary with himself under his breath. Spinner had curled up into fetal position at one end of the couch with a blanket over him and Kurogiri kept checking on him. Compress and Shigaraki were caught up in a card game, occasionally turning their attention to whatever was unfolding on the show.
“Kei-Kei’s not gonna watch? We finally get to know what happened to Miyami in this episode,” Toga said.
“D’you piss him off again?” Shigaraki asked as he flipped over a card.
“Fuck off,” Dabi muttered.
“I’m here,” Keigo said, settling on the floor and leaning onto the little table where the card game was happening. “I’m telling you, she’s Nikita’s sister and they took her for knowing too much.”
The comment had Toga and Twice protesting over each other, which made Keigo laugh. Dabi rolled a little cookie between his fingers, losing himself in his thoughts.
Keigo never told him what his nightmares were about, but the few times Dabi had managed to wake up to him hyperventilating and shaking didn’t really leave room for doubt. Keigo never had nightmares until after his time in the hospital.
Dabi never knew what to do or say. He just stayed awake with him, waiting for Keigo to reorient himself and see that this motionless version of him wasn’t a threat. It made him wonder if the request to stop using his fire was for his benefit or for Keigo’s.
The feeling of something touching his knee pulled him out of his thoughts. Keigo had placed a hand on his knee and carefully rested his head against it to keep the hair dye from smearing on something. Wordlessly, Dabi held out a cookie which Keigo quickly popped into his mouth.
---
The first time he’d helped Keigo dye his hair, he’d stared at himself in the mirror for so long that his body dried without him even bothering to use his towel. Despite everyone else’s compliments, Keigo had looked lost for the rest of the day. At night, he’d curled into Dabi’s chest wordlessly, hiding his face. Dabi didn’t ask what was wrong. He just let it happen and fell asleep with an arm draped over him.
This time, Dabi wasn’t surprised when he walked into their bathroom to find Keigo staring at the mirror. But this time, Keigo peeled his attention away from his reflection and let out a long sigh when he saw Dabi.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to hog the bathroom,” he mumbled as he started to walk out. Dabi stopped him, grabbing his forearm before he could go far.
He couldn’t read Keigo’s mind, but he knew him well enough to know something was wrong. He was smart enough to deduce what it could be. But when it came to helping, Dabi was drawing a blank. He’d only ever felt like they were on the same page whenever they used their bodies to speak more than their actual words.
He turned Keigo toward the mirror again, running a hand through his damp hair. "You don't need to dye it, you know?" Dabi muttered. "Plenty of blonds in Tokyo."
"Can never be too safe." Keigo shook out his hair and pushed it back, his eyes finding Dabi in the reflection. "Besides, then you can't keep calling me Little Red."
"I can call you a bunch of things. Goldilocks. Blondie."
"It's fine." Keigo turned away to face Dabi directly, back to the mirror. He grinned, but the playfulness didn't reach his eyes like it used to. He ran his hand through Dabi's hair and arched a bushy eyebrow. "That mean I can call you Snow White?"
Dabi's expression contorted into a sneer, making Keigo laugh. "You're an idiot."
"You never like any of the nicknames I come up with for you."
"You suck at coming up with them." Keigo stuck out his tongue childishly while Dabi pulled his hand by the wrist. He made Keigo's palm rest on his cheek. "What was the nightmare?"
His smile fell, making way for an exhausted expression. "I told you, it doesn't matter.”
With a suspicious narrow of his eyebrows, Dabi asked, “Did you ever believe me when I told you that?”
Keigo took a deep breath and let it out just as slowly. “Good point. But that never made you tell me; I figured it out.” Dabi scowled, which seemed to amuse him. He took Dabi’s hands in his own and raised an eyebrow as he smirked. “You worried about me, hot stuff? That’s uncharacteristically sweet of you. Have you finally warmed up to my irresistible charm?”
“Fucking egotistical bastard,” Dabi muttered as Keigo’s lips hovered over his own.
“Always such a cynic,” he answered before kissing him briefly. “You really wanna make me feel better?” He dropped his hands to his towel, slowly and deliberately unwrapping it until it fell to the floor at their feet.
Dabi’s eyes flickered down to watch the movement before looking back up at his eyes. His grip tightened. Keigo’s skin felt cold.
“Wanna catch up?” he asked, tugging the hem of Dabi’s shirt. He managed to pull it over Dabi’s head, flashing him a soft smile as he dropped the shirt to the floor. His fingers ghosted over Dabi’s chest as he stepped closer until their bodies touched.
As Keigo let his hands roam slowly, Dabi looked over his shoulder into the mirror, catching sight of Keigo's warped skin in the reflection. His entire back had a glossy gleam, a shade paler and pinker than the rest of him, but the netted pattern of the skin grafts wasn’t as prominent as it had been that first month. Maybe it was a little cruel, but part of Dabi found comfort in Keigo’s scars. He wasn’t the only mutilated one anymore. It was something they had in common now, even if Keigo’s burns had fared far better than his own. The bumps between his spine and shoulder blades looked irritated, but Dabi refrained from touching them.
Lately, touching Keigo was a hit or miss, sometimes making him jumpy and nervous and other times completely turning him away. Instead he ducked his head and kissed below his ear, feeling the way that his body pressed closer.
“Wait,” he murmured before leaving the bathroom.
He locked the bedroom door, just in case. Even with their room being the farthest from the others, there was no goddamn privacy, which they’d learned the hard way. He got rid of his jeans as he turned back to Keigo, who’d followed him out of the bathroom. Dabi took his wrists and pulled him into a kiss before pushing him back toward the bed.
“Easy,” Keigo whispered, his hands pressing against Dabi’s shoulders. Not to push him away, but just to slow him down.
Sex had been different since Keigo’s hospitalization. While he’d come to Dabi because of the promise of something rough and wild and primal, he didn’t want those things anymore. He didn’t bare his throat for Dabi’s fingers to wrap around. He flinched if Dabi’s hands got too hot. He wrapped his arms around Dabi, slowing him down when he was overwhelmed, kissing him to keep questions at bay. They didn’t fall into bed or shove each other into walls between insults and frustration anymore.
But Keigo still fell apart at Dabi’s touch. Still lost himself until he could only say strings of profanity and call for God, call for Dabi.
Just like he was now as Dabi painted his neck in violet splotches and eased him open with practiced fingers. Even without the brutality they used to have, Dabi still felt his pride swell with the fact that nobody knew this man’s body the way he did.
Keigo pushed Dabi onto his back to clamber over him. Dabi placed his hands on his torso only for Keigo to grab them by the wrists and pin them up over his head.
“What are you doing?”
Keigo shushed him, leaning down to kiss him slowly as he gathered Dabi’s wrists in one hand and ran his other down Dabi’s body, making him shiver. He lowered himself onto Dabi with patient deliberateness, turning their bodies into one with a soft exhale. He rocked against Dabi, slowly building his speed as their breaths turned shallow.
“Let go,” Dabi snapped, trying to tug his hands free only for Keigo to pin him down with more force. “Kei.”
“No. Stay like this for me, Dabi, please,” Keigo murmured against his mouth, gasping out his words. There was an underlying desperation that Dabi wasn’t used to hearing from him.
He stopped fighting Keigo’s grip, opting instead for kissing him back and pushing himself up to meet his movements. He licked into his mouth, swallowing every moan and shallow breath Keigo let out.
“You make such pretty sounds,” Dabi praised as Keigo’s hips began to stutter. He bit down on Keigo's lower lip, tugging as his mouth dropped open, only letting go at the sound of a soft whimper.
A rosy blush filled Keigo's cheeks and spread across his face, down his neck, and over his chest. He was close, and Dabi could see it in the desperate pinch of his eyebrows, hear it in the choked off moans that tried to form his name.
Keigo's release hit Dabi's chest, but before he could make a snarky remark, Keigo pulled away, tiredly licking and kissing him clean.
"Can I keep going, Little Red?" Dabi asked as Keigo's teeth scraped his collar bone. He hesitated, trying to cover it up with a hum and another kiss. "I won't put my hands on you," Dabi whispered.
Keigo froze and lifted his head, shame and embarrassment clear in his expression. "Okay," he whispered.
Dabi turned him over onto his back, placing his hands on either side of his head. "Legs up, songbird."
Golden eyes pierced through Dabi as freckled legs pulled up to hook over his shoulders. Dabi lowered himself to his elbows slowly, deliberately. He pushed back into him watching his face contort in a mix of pain and pleasure. He began to press bruising kisses against his neck, hands clenching into the comforter as Keigo’s warmth enveloped him. His arms hesitated for only a moment before they wrapped tightly around Dabi, fingers digging into him for something to hold onto.
Like this, Dabi felt they didn’t need words. Everything he didn’t know how to say was expressed with each insistent roll of his hips, with the way he hid his clenched hands under the pillow while swallowing every moan and overwhelmed gasp.
“H-Harder,” he whispered.
“You sure?”
Keigo nodded, biting his lip so hard that Dabi had half a mind to ease it free with his thumb. Instead, he buried his face in the crook of Keigo’s neck and pushed into him with more force. By the third thrust, Keigo let out a sharp cry that was loud enough for Dabi to nearly cover his mouth. Instead, he shoved his hand back under the pillows and kissed his mouth between little shushes.
“We’ll get another earful about shared spaces,” he whispered against Keigo’s mouth.
“Hurry,” he whispered back, hands trailing down to guide Dabi’s hips back in. He pulled his head up to catch Dabi’s lips in another heated, messy kiss meant to muffle his sounds.
With the way Keigo clung to him and every noise falling from his mouth, it didn’t take long for Dabi to finish, panting as Keigo’s fingers threaded through his hair. He rested his head against his chest, listening to the way Keigo’s heart pounded and fluttered like hummingbird wings.
“Give me your hands,” Keigo whispered breathlessly.
They ached a bit as Dabi unclenched them and pulled them out from beneath the pillow. The edges of the burns on his hands stung a bit, but at least they weren't bleeding.
Keigo's touch was light and soft. He pulled one hand to his cheek, and Dabi took that as permission to let the other twirl a stand of his still damp hair in the other as he rested his weight on his elbow.
"Sit up against the wall," Keigo whispered.
Dabi had never been one to simply do what Keigo asked, but seeing as he kept nuzzling against his palm without fear, Dabi figured he could continue to indulge him. He sat up, and Keigo followed, guiding Dabi's hand to his waist as he put his legs on either side of him.
He cupped Dabi's face, kissing him lazily. His tongue traced the roof of his mouth, the back of his teeth, the outline of his upper lip. Dabi squeezed his side, placing his other hand against the expanse of Keigo's freckled thigh.
While Dabi limited his touch, Keigo allowed himself to explore. He trailed down his neck to the expanse of Dabi's shoulders to his chest to his stomach. And then his fingers wrapped around Dabi, ignoring the sticky mess of their lower bodies in favor of Dabi's low groans.
And then it started all over again. Keigo pinned Dabi's hands down by his wrists, holding them tight enough for it to hurt, all while lifting and lowering his body to Dabi's. Their soft breaths and choked off moans filled the room again, and when Dabi was on the precipice of another orgasm, Keigo pulled one of his hands up to his throat.
He didn't say anything, but the invitation was clear. He didn't smile, but the permission was there.
Dabi's fingers grazed his skin in a gentle caress before he pulled his hand away and leaned forward. A soft gasp dropped from Keigo's lips when instead of getting his throat squeezed he received a series of open-mouthed kisses and the occasional graze of teeth.
"Why-?"
"Just keep going, songbird."
Arms wrapped around him, fingers tangling in his hair. Whispers of his name broken up by gasps and low moans seemed louder when they were pressed against his ear. The smell of recently dyed hair, deodorant, and body spray filled Dabi’s senses. Keigo filled his senses.
With their earlier round, it wasn’t long before Dabi groaned against Keigo’s collarbone, eyes screwing shut as Keigo kept moving, kept rocking his hips. Dabi felt his hands start to heat up and immediately removed them from Keigo’s skin, clenching them into the comforter instead.
“Dabi.”
There was something in that frantic whisper of his name, something strange and kind of addicting, but before Dabi could clear his head enough, Keigo pulled his hair to tilt his face up into a kiss.
“Touch me.”
“My hands-”
Keigo cut him off by taking his hand. His fingers slid into Dabi’s palm as his hips rolled slowly. His brows pinched together briefly as he grazed the heat of Dabi’s hand and let out a breath. He pulled Dabi’s hand to his cheek, and it took all the energy he could spare to try and regulate the temperature. He didn’t want to cause another moment of hazy distance in those eyes, didn’t want to shove Keigo back into that darkness that he was so familiar with himself.
A smile spread on Keigo’s face, soft and real. “Softie,” he whispered. He led Dabi’s hand down his body. “Touch me.”
This time, Dabi didn’t object. He wrapped his hand around Keigo, growling impatiently as his body tensed in overstimulation and the struggle to keep his body temperature under control.
“Yes, fuck, faster-” Keigo gasped, clashing their lips together in time to muffle a frantic noise in the back of his throat. His breaths were ragged, torn right out of him as he trembled in Dabi’s lap, spent and flushed. “Give me a… minute. To catch my breath. We’ll go again.”
“What?” Dabi pushed Keigo’s hair out of his face. “Did spring come early or something?”
“Fuck you,” he muttered.
“No, I-” Dabi let his head rest against the wall. “I don’t have your stamina, hummingbird.”
His eyebrows arched up, the corner of his mouth quirking up slightly. “That’s a new one.”
“I’m pretty good at the nickname thing, unlike you.” Without a second’s hesitation, Keigo knocked his forehead against Dabi’s with just a little too much force. “Ow! Son of a bitch.”
“Asshole.” He kissed Dabi’s forehead before turning around and slouching against him, pulling Dabi’s arms around himself.
“We’re gonna have to wash the sheets,” Dabi grumbled into his shoulder.
“Might as well make it worth it.” Keigo’s fingertips grazed along the coarse skin of Dabi’s forearm. “Was it easy for you? Leaving everything behind?”
Dabi rested his chin on Keigo’s shoulder. “Where’d that come from?” A haphazard shrug made Dabi’s head jerk unceremoniously. “Cold feet?”
“About exposing the corruption that manipulated my whole life? No. But you were a kid. With a family.”
Dabi let out a scoff and pulled himself away from Keigo, only for him to turn around and wrap his arms around Dabi’s torso.
“Sorry. Sorry, I know you don’t like to talk about it.” He burrowed his face against Dabi’s chest. “Don’t pull away.”
With a frown and a furrow of his eyebrows, Dabi tilted Keigo’s face up. “I won’t if you won’t.”
Golden eyes flitted over his face. He gave a small, nearly indiscernible nod before leaning in to kiss Dabi again. Before long they were wrapped up in each other again, stifling murmurs, whispers, and moans against each other’s scarred skin.
The sun had long since set by the time they finally left the room, and that was only because their sheets were in desperate need of a wash. Even all of Twice’s teasing couldn’t get to Dabi with how gloriously exhausted he was.
While Compress worked on making a show of dinner for Toga and Keigo alike, Dabi lingered behind on the couch, unconsciously following the plot of a movie that was on the television.
Being in Tokyo had given the League something new. Peace. Normalcy. Even Shigaraki had settled into the calmness of their new place, spending most of his time playing card games or video games or letting Toga braid his hair if he was in a good mood. It felt fragile, but it felt nice.
Dinner, like usual, consisted of wild debates and a series of conversations happening at once. Usually it gave Dabi a headache, but he didn’t mind it so much today. Keigo, however, was uncharacteristically quiet. He seemed lost in thought, but if he caught Dabi looking at him, he only smiled and ate some more before eventually getting up to clear the table.
Later that night, while Keigo busied himself with fixing their bed, Dabi got into clothes more comfortable to sleep in. He returned to find Keigo looking out the window at the snow blanketing the ground outside their window.
He joined him on the bed, one hand running across the nape of his neck. “You shouldn’t be so tense after the way we spent today.”
Keigo turned to him, a dim smile on his face. “Just tired. Ready for bed? It’s clean again.”
“With your libido, who knows for how long.”
Keigo rolled his eyes and shuffled under the covers, and Dabi turned off the light before joining him. He fell asleep with the warmth of Keigo’s body pressed against his chest.
When morning came again, Dabi woke to find Keigo sitting up at the edge of the bed, head in his hands.
“Kei?” Dabi carefully rubbed his eyes and squinted against the sunlight streaming into the room. “Nightmare?”
“No,” Keigo answered quietly.
“Then what is it?” He sat up, realizing that Keigo was already dressed.
"I think I need to go. For a little bit. I need some space to clear my head."
Dabi leaned forward to rest his head on Keigo's shoulder. "Where do you wanna go? I gotta let Shig know where to reach us."
Keigo didn't answer. Dabi craned his neck to look at his face, catching sight of a duffel bag at his feet. The pieces clicked into place. Feeling like an idiot for his assumption, Dabi pulled away from Keigo.
"You’re going alone. You need space… from me."
"Dabi-"
"When the hell did you decide this?" Dabi got off the bed, pacing to the other end of the room to resist the urge to kick the duffel bag or maybe Keigo. "Is that what all of yesterday was? Goodbye sex? You were the one begging me not to go away anymore, not to leave you-"
"No, that's not-" Keigo stood up to reach for him before he pulled back and plopped down on the bed again. "You gotta understand. Dabi, I don't recognize myself anymore. That person reflected in the mirror, red hair, wingless, scared, broken…. That can’t be me. I still don’t know who I am without my wings, and I hate that I’m so lost if I’m not in bed with you-
"And you hate me for what I’ve turned you into,” Dabi finished for him, eyes narrowing. He knew that despite all the assurances that he knew what he was asking for, Keigo would always resent him for everything he lost.
Keigo collapsed into himself and shook his head. "No, I don’t.” Dabi held his tongue to keep from asking why he had to be left behind if Keigo’s hate wasn’t directed at him. “I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself. I need to know what it is to be on my own, but I'm gonna come back. I promise-"
"Yeah, with spring coming up, I'll bet."
"Don't you know me better than that by now?" Keigo asked softly.
"Well, apparently you don't even know yourself, so how could I?" Dabi spat out.
The venom in his voice made Keigo flinch. "Fair enough," he whispered. He seemed ready to say more, eyes darting around and mouth opening and closing with words he couldn’t seem to find.
Dabi felt his expression twist into a sneer the longer it took Keigo to find some decent explanation for the abrupt decision to leave him behind after the fuss he made about Dabi not leaving him again. He decided to save himself from whatever pointless half-thought in Keigo’s head. “I’m not your fucking keeper. Do whatever you want, Hawks.”
The name made his golden eyes go wide, expression crumpling slightly like the use of his former hero name had physically hurt him. Dabi kind of hoped it had.
“Don’t do that. I’m still Keigo to you,” he said with exhaustion seeping into every word. “I just need to figure out who the hell Keigo is.” When Dabi didn’t answer, Keigo sighed and shouldered his duffel bag. He walked to the door before turning around in a final pathetic attempt to explain. “Things are so different and I never took-”
"Just go."
The duffel bag dropped with a thud. Keigo walked across the room to Dabi, looking frustrated and desperate and scared as he pulled him into a kiss. It was brief, mostly because Dabi pulled back in frustration, but Keigo kept his hold on the back of his neck.
"Dabi, I'm gonna come back. I will, I promise, just wait for me."
Golden eyes peered up at him, eyebrows pinched together. Dabi scowled as Keigo pressed their foreheads together in a silent plea. His thumb brushed gently over Dabi’s cheekbone.
"Go."
There wasn't as much bite when he said it, and maybe Keigo took that as a resigned agreement, because he stepped away and walked back to the door. He grabbed his bag and left the room with a soft click of the door. He could hear him greeting the others as they had their breakfast, the muffled conversation lilting with confusion and goodbyes.
Restless, Dabi paced his room and tried to stifle the strange, twisted feeling in his stomach. A little blue flame began to roll between his fingers.
He recognized the thing rolling around in his gut. He'd felt it as a child, felt it as he grew up and watched families from the shadows of alleyways or the day after he was sent on his way by whoever had sought his company the night before. He never thought he would feel it because Keigo had walked out the door to who knew where.
When Dabi left the room, he felt his skin itch with the feeling of multiple eyes on him. He ignored them, pretending like nothing was different as he served himself some cereal and went back to his room. Keigo’s empty drawer was half open, seeming to mock him and take away his appetite. He left the bowl on the nightstand, letting it turn into sludge while he laid back down and stared at the ceiling until he somehow fell asleep again.
The first couple days, Dabi distracted himself from the rest of the group’s curious stares by leaving the house and strolling through the city, walking with his head down among the Tokyo bustle with a sick mask to cover most of his face scars from view. He kept expecting to see Keigo lounging on the bed or watching some cheesy show on the couch with the others when he got back. He kept expecting Keigo to pull up the chair beside him when they ate.
It pissed him off. He hated that he expected Keigo now, that his body seemed attuned to him in the spaces they typically shared. He still slept on his own side of the bed, still woke up reaching for the body that was usually pressed against him, still knocked in warning before going into the bathroom in case he was in there. It reminded Dabi of the week after Keigo had revealed that he knew his birth name. It took longer than he would’ve liked to get over the habits he built with Hawks then. Now, with Keigo, the habits had sewn themselves deeper into his muscle memory.
He spent way more time with Keigo in the last few months than he had before his hospitalization. There were smaller habits, smaller things he hadn’t even realized he’d gotten used to. Like a hand on his knee during a movie or the various aromas that followed Keigo after a shower from shaving cream to shampoo to mousse to cologne.
When those days turned into a week, Dabi felt his resolve start to chip away. He couldn’t stand the way the others looked at him, silent are you okay?’ s in their eyes. He was fine until they looked at him like that. Like he was expected to be affected by Keigo’s absence.
Dabi had never needed anyone. The one who needed someone had been Touya, and that version of himself was long dead. He refused to be affected, preferring instead to wander the busy streets of Tokyo’s nightlife until he was exhausted.
It wasn’t until he started doing double takes at every glimpse of blond or dark red hair that he finally got over himself. He sat in a cafe full of tired college students at the late hour, all too busy to look twice at him in the corner. It was easier to press Keigo’s contact on his phone without his nosy roommates watching his every move.
The phone rang five times. Dabi told himself he would hang up at six, but instead of a sixth ring, he heard Keigo’s voice.
“Dabi? Is everything okay?”
Suddenly, calling felt like the dumbest thing to do. “Just making sure you’re not dead,” Dabi answered.
"Oh." The note of surprise in his voice made Dabi scowl at the table. "This your roundabout way of saying you miss me, hot stuff?"
"Even when you're not here you're insufferable," Dabi muttered. "When are you getting back? Toga's gonna go on a grocery run and wants to know if she should pick up those weird coffee energy drinks you like." He bit back a scoff at his own pathetic explanation.
"I'm… I'm not sure, Dabi. I'm still getting used to being on my own." He paused, letting out something between a sigh and a laugh. "Hearing from you isn't helping."
Dabi's body went still. He hadn't realized how he'd been tapping his foot and drumming his fingers on the table until rage and embarrassment twisted around his spine and left him rigid. "Understood."
"I-"
Dabi hung up and slammed the phone down hard enough to make conversations around him falter.
He hated this. Whatever this was. He didn't miss Keigo, there was no reason to. He was just used to him and having him gone threw Dabi off. What he hated was being so casually thrown aside like a piece of garbage. He was a person, not a thing to set aside whenever someone else felt like they were tired of him. Especially not someone who had sought him out and begged him to stick around.
He fixed his hood and his mask, making sure he was still covered up before leaving the cafe. Thankfully the house was quiet when he got back. Shigaraki and Spinner were playing a game, but neither of them gave him as much grief as Toga, Twice, and even on occasion Kurogiri did.
He went to his room, settling himself right in the middle of the mattress. He watched the way car headlights danced across the ceiling as they streamed through the window until he fell asleep.
He hated these dreams. The ones about Touya. The ones that made him feel small.
He kept calling out for his father, but Enji was busy coddling a tiny thing in a blanket. Touya screamed at the top of his lungs, stomping his foot and yanking at his hair in hopes that his father would look at him for just a second, just long enough to see the flames he could make. He could be stronger, he could do better. His father didn't need the new baby. Touya could be everything.
But no matter how loudly he shouted, something swallowed his voice. Muffled it until it warbled and dissipated.
The floor began to crack under him, and his agitated hands yanked out clumps of white hair.
His anger flared when he heard his father tell the lumpy baby the same things he'd said to him. The promises of greatness, of power, of a destiny to become number one. It was as if nothing else but that stupid baby existed. Like Touya hadn't trained himself to have a higher pain tolerance just to keep up with his father's plans for him, like he hadn't done everything to receive that same gleam of pride in his gaze that he gave the fragile thing in his arms.
Blue surrounded him, along with a sharp pain that made him shout. He raced forward as his skin began to char. Burns appeared down his arms and hands as he surged toward his father, shrieking as he knocked him down and pressed his hands to his face, making sure the fire made its way down his throat.
The voice that spoke aloud was Dabi's.
Are you as fireproof on the inside as you are on the outside, Number One?
He laughed over the screams of agony and the sound of flames flaring and skin sizzling. But as he let his flames recede, it wasn't Endeavor he saw.
It was Keigo.
His golden eyes stared at him, filled with betrayal. He shook while Dabi remained frozen. Keigo's mouth dropped open to let out an inhuman screech that made Dabi jolt awake with a gasp.
He jumped again at the sound of knocking on the door. Still half asleep, Dabi fumbled out of bed and opened the door, thinking he might find Keigo and erase the image of him left in his mind. Even if he was angry with him, the sight of his unmarred face and calculating gaze would be a relief after what had woken him up.
Instead of Keigo, he came face to face with Twice.
“What?” Dabi said, his voice heavy and raspy with sleep.
“Sounded like you were havin’ a nightmare,” Twice whispered. “You okay?”
Dabi narrowed his eyebrows. “You just happen to pass by my room at whatever time this is?”
“Fine then, suffer all alone,” Twice snapped before he reared back, putting his hands up defensively. “No, no, no,” he amended in a softer voice. “Compress, Toga, and I take turns checking in. Red told us to keep an eye on you with your nightmares until he was back.”
It was late. Dabi was exhausted and his feet hurt and his head had begun to throb with the abrupt way he’d woken up. He had no idea how he felt about the fact that Keigo had told the others to babysit him. He wanted to default to anger, indignancy, frustration. But all he could find in himself was resigned acceptance and something softer and reassuring. Keigo had told the others he was coming back too. He seemed to care enough to worry about Dabi from wherever he was. Though it made Dabi wonder who was there to talk Keigo down from his own nightmares.
Not that Dabi had ever done a good job of that.
“I’m fine,” he mumbled.
“You were screaming.”
“No I wasn’t.”
“Sounded like you wanted to.”
Dabi scowled and pushed a hand through his hair in frustration. “Well, I’m fine now.”
Despite the reassurance, Twice stood at the door expectantly. “Wanna stop bein’ a big baby and talk about it?”
“No,” Dabi growled. Then, because Twice began to smile, he clarified, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
He nodded, but instead of going away, he leaned against the doorframe. “You doin’ okay with Red gone? You always get pretty moody when-”
“Goodnight,” Dabi said flatly, closing the door hard enough to push Twice out of the doorway.
He wasn’t moody, he was angry. He’d been angry when he last walked away from Keigo, when he’d walked away from Hawks for choosing the remnants of hero life and the idea of Endeavor he had rather than accept the reality of how fucked up it all was. Hawks had preferred the ideals in his head over the reality Dabi exposed him to. Keigo had chosen him. To see what Dabi had lived through, to let him seek his own justice. Now Keigo had turned his back on him, except this time, Dabi didn’t even know for what.
He went back to sleep, opting to stay on his own side of the bed again.
***
The next week was almost out, and Dabi hadn’t heard from Keigo. He hadn’t bothered to call again. He staved off nightmares out of pure spite by not letting himself sleep too deeply. It left him exhausted and short-tempered, so he stayed out of the house despite the passive aggressive comments from Shigaraki about blowing their cover when he’d been the one insisting they go into hiding again and Kurogiri’s constant warnings.
When Dabi returned one night, someone new was at their dining table with Shigaraki and Kurogiri. The person look over their shoulder, and Dabi frowned when he realized it was Geten.
“Found your boyfriend,” Shigaraki said through a mouthful of whatever he was eating.
“Not my boyfriend,” Dabi muttered. “What’re you doing here?” he asked Geten.
“Checking in. When I saw Hawks back in Musutafu, I figured it meant you were all back. But when no one heard from any of you, Re-Destro sent me to make sure everything was okay.” He tilted his head, smirking. “Trouble in paradise?”
He didn’t have it in him to be annoyed at the comment. He was too hung up on the fact that Keigo had gone back to Musutafu. That was the most dangerous place for him to go, especially since so many people there could easily recognize him, and Dabi didn’t like the connotations that came with him going back there.
“This little vacation’s gone on too long anyway,” Shigaraki muttered. “Maybe it’s time we continue our original plan. My master needs me.”
“A king who bows,” Geten mused. “Some would question whether you deserve the title.”
“So long as none of those people are here, I don’t care,” Shigaraki said, gauging Geten’s threat. Once Geten raised his hands in defeat, Shigaraki stood. “Tell Compress to start dinner. I need to start planning our next moves.” Kurogiri watched him go before standing and following, leaving Dabi alone with their guest.
“I like the hair,” Geten said. He twirled a strand of his own blue-white, shoulder-length hair. “We almost match.”
“Where did you see him?” Dabi asked, not bothering to acknowledge his comment.
Geten’s eyebrows went up. “Near UA High. Gotta say that red dye job is a little on the nose.”
The mention of his red hair cemented the dread in Dabi’s stomach. He’d half-hoped that Geten had simply seen a blond from too far away, but if he recognized him with his new hair…. And what the hell was Keigo doing at the high school?
“Only reason we noticed him is because we’ve been keeping a close eye on the high school. We’ve got an idea of the daily routine, so a red-headed stranger coming by was enough to look into. I was surprised that Hawks was back in town considering he’s one of the most wanted men right now. And not in the magazine catalogue way he’s probably used to.” Geten stood up and walked toward Dabi, analyzing his expression. “You know, I’d been wondering just how good you must be in bed for the number two hero to give it all up and follow you into hiding. But I guess he’s got some regrets now?”
A blue fire blazed in Dabi’s hand as his expression contorted into a scowl. “Watch it,” he growled.
“You’ve got it all wrong,” Geten said with a light laugh. A door clicked open in the hallway, and Geten stepped past Dabi, stopping to speak in his ear. “I just think your first mistake was turning to a hero for your fun.” With that, he kept walking, greeting Compress as he walked into the living room.
Dabi looked after him, but Geten didn’t bother to meet his gaze. With a roll of his eyes, Dabi went to his room and picked up one of the books he’d been reading before Keigo left. Since then, he’d read the same page over and over, not retaining a single thing because his head was busy going in circles about everything else. Tonight was no different, and he’d lost count of how many times he restarted the same page by the time Kurogiri knocked on his door and called him for dinner.
Geten stayed for dinner, and apparently planned to stay a few days. Spinner had offered up some of his surplus of blankets for him to set the daybed in the living room. He caught them up on Re-Destro’s management of the PLF, assuring them that everything was under control and that it’d been easy to buy their way out of a few lawsuits, courtesy of the exposure Keigo had given them before turning his back on the Commission.
Somehow Dabi felt like the slights made at Keigo were backhanded insults at himself. He stayed quiet, getting up as soon as he was done eating to disappear into his room.
After showering and settling under his covers, he stared at the messages he’d shared with Keigo last.
Don’t be so mean to Japan’s most wanted man baby
Still a feather brained idiot
I’m returning your part of dinner. No teriyaki for you
Quit being a brat and come home Im hungry
Not even a minute later, Keigo had walked through the front door with everyone’s food, keeping Dabi’s hostage until he apologized for his text in a way Keigo deemed genuine.
Now, Dabi debated sending a text and asking what he was doing in Musutafu, what he was doing at UA, but he never managed to pull up the keyboard. He shoved his phone into a drawer and rolled over, unable to shake the word regret from his head.
He woke up in the middle of the night after one of his tamer nightmares. The ones that only made it hard to breathe and made him pull at his hair to ground himself until Keigo pulled his hand away and replaced it with a softer one that combed through his hair. Except Keigo wasn’t here, so there was no one to stop Dabi from yanking at his hair until his scalp stung and white strands tangled themselves through his fingers.
When he managed to bring his breaths back to normal, he left his room, hoping that a glass of water would help him clear his head. He’d completely forgotten that Geten was there too until he called Dabi’s name and promptly made him gasp mid-sip.
A cold hand patted his back lightly. “You’re jumpy for a bad guy.”
“Why the hell are you awake?”
“I’m a light sleeper. Why are you?” After a beat, Geten added, “Do you naturally run this warm?”
Dabi grunted and stepped back from him. “Sorry to wake you,” he muttered.
“Don’t be.” Geten stood in the way of his room. “Your scars look irritated.” Before Dabi could tell him to fuck off, Geten placed his hands on his cheeks, letting the icy touch soothe the irritation Dabi hadn’t even noticed. “Better?” Geten whispered.
Even his breath was cold when he spoke. Dabi opened his eyes, surprised to find Geten so close. He narrowed his eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away from the touch. “What are you doing?”
“Helping, I hope.” He arched an eyebrow. “Stay still.” Geten leaned forward, puckering his lips before blowing out a stream of frosty air that made Dabi close his eyes again as the scars under his eyes stopped itching and burning for a moment.
Then cold, chapped lips pressed against his own, soothing the sting of his lower lip for a moment before Dabi pulled back in shock. He shoved Geten back hard enough to knock him against the fridge.
"What the fuck?" Dabi hissed.
"Thought we were having a moment," Geten said, rubbing his shoulder. "From what I heard, you and the hero aren't dating, so excuse me for thinking I had a shot."
"In what fucking world would I be interested in you?"
Geten stepped closer again, unfazed by Dabi's anger. "In what world are you interested in a top hero?" Dabi clenched his teeth, and Geten smiled like he'd won somehow. "I know we got off on the wrong foot. But I think we've gotten on some equal footing since. And your little parakeet isn't here to keep you company anymo-"
Dabi's hand clenched around his throat, but Geten only watched him with bored, cold, blue eyes. "And what makes you think you'd be good enough to replace him anyway?"
Suddenly a stream of water swirled around Dabi's hand, quickly hardening into ice until he let go of Geten's throat. The ice melted and slithered back to the cup Dabi had left on the counter.
"For one," Geten whispered, "I've proven that I'm not scared of you or your fire. Can your MIA clipped-winged hero say the same?"
Dabi didn't respond. He didn't know if Keigo was scared of him. His nightmares seemed to suggest Dabi was part of his fears, but to what extent, he had no idea.
Taking his silence as a chance to keep making his case, Geten kept talking. "You didn't even know where he was. Shigaraki said he left without saying when he'd be back. Does that sound like someone who plans on coming back to the very person who caused his downfall?"
"You don't know anything-"
"I know he was talking to your family." Dabi narrowed his eyes. "Your siblings, I believe. And I know I've seen him sneaking around that big Commission building." Geten scoffed. "You took down the number one hero, and yet you made the mistake of trusting his successor. How can a fallen hero be your weakness?"
"He is not my weakness," Dabi spat. "He's nothing but a passtime."
A lazy, cold smile tugged at his lips. "Then what's stopping you from indulging my curiosity? Just once.”
With his pride having taken a hit and his ego bruised, Dabi figured he had nothing to lose and everything to gain if he was able to shut Geten up and get Keigo’s betrayal out of his head. “You have no idea what you’re asking for,” Dabi said lowly before taking him by the arm and shoving him into his room.
It had been a long time since sex was driven by anger for him. Since he didn’t care for the comfort of the person pressed against him. He was reckless with Geten. If he wanted to know what drew Keigo to him, then he would get the same treatment.
He tore away his clothes and shoved him face down on the bed, clenching his hand around his choppy hair as he fingered him open carelessly, biting back a laugh at the flustered, pained sounds muffled into the mattress.
“You sure you still want this, Snowflake?”
Geten turned his head to look at him, the rosy flush on his face contrasting against his pale skin. He grinned, and suddenly Dabi found himself on his back while Geten leaned over him. “You might wanna stop underestimating me, Cinders.”
“Cinders,” Dabi said with a scoff. “That the best you could do?”
With a disinterested hum, Geten placed his cold hands against Dabi’s chest, bunching up his shirt as he lowered himself. The look of superiority in his eyes slowly faded as he gave in to the feeling of Dabi filling him up.
“Your clothes- take off your clothes,” Geten panted.
“Rule number one- you don’t get to make demands here.” Dabi rocked his hips up, making Geten bite his lip. “Now get back to the position I had you in.”
“No-”
Dabi shoved him off, yanking him back into position with an easy tug of his hair before crowding up behind him. “That wasn’t a request,” he whispered in his ear as he pressed back into him. Geten clenched his hands in the comforter as Dabi moved ruthlessly against him. Geten tried to pull himself up, and Dabi shoved him back down with a hand between his shoulder blades.
He immediately stopped moving and pulled his hand back, letting out a breathless, “Fuck, I’m sorry.”
Geten shook his head with a laugh. “That’s what you apologize for?” He pushed his hips back. “Keep going,” he moaned.
Because Geten didn’t have wounds on his back. Because Geten didn’t have sensitive bumps between his shoulder blades that Dabi had to be careful with.
Suddenly, thoughts of Keigo filled his head. The way he looked splayed out on the dark comforter, the way he looked at Dabi when their bodies came together, the way his hands roamed over Dabi’s skin to find the ways to leave him just as breathless.
Keigo was gone. Keigo had gotten tired of Dabi, regretted him, and needed space from what they’d done to each other. Keigo tossed him aside and left him behind. What he had now was Geten, so opposite of Keigo in every way.
Where Keigo had been warm like an autumn sunset, from his touch to his golden eyes, tanned freckled skin, and dark red hair, Geten was cold. With pale skin, sharp, blue eyes, a frosty touch, and his icy blue-white hair, Geten was the winter in the dead of night, and he was exactly what Dabi needed to get over the sense of betrayal he felt about Keigo.
“Oh, fuck, fuck!” Geten gasped as his body shivered before he collapsed bonelessly against the mattress. Dabi kept drilling into him, as if with each thrust he was fucking away memories of someone else.
He didn’t feel relaxed when he finished. He didn’t feel pleasantly exhausted or satisfied. He rode his high then collapsed into a sense of restlessness.
“Curiosity sated, now get the hell out of my room,” Dabi muttered, pulling his sweats back up.
“Can I clean myself up a bit before you kick me out?” Geten said with a groan as he stood. He didn’t wait for Dabi to answer before he went into the bathroom. Dabi stared at the mess on his bed, feeling half guilty, half vindicated with the fact that it was on what had been Keigo’s side.
A few minutes later, Geten left the bathroom, tossing a, “See you in the morning, Cinders,” over his shoulder. Dabi returned it with a middle finger raised up as the door clicked shut.
The rest of his night was just as restless as the others.
In the morning, Dabi walked down the hallway, fully intending to grab a quick breakfast before leaving the house for the day. But before he could get far, he felt himself get yanked to one side and pulled into a room. Before he could say anything, he found himself facing Twice, Toga, and Compress, all with disapproving, angry expressions.
“It’s nine in the morning, what the fuck is this?”
“How could you cheat on Kei-Kei?” Toga hissed, looking and sounding angrier than Dabi had ever seen her. Even threatening someone, she was always smiling, but now her mouth was curled into a sneer and her eyes were narrowed.
“Excuse me?”
“It was Compress’ turn to check on you last night. Geten wasn’t on the couch and some very telling noises were coming from your room,” Twice explained. His expression twisted as he shoved Dabi back. “You’re a dirty cheater!”
“Who the fuck am I cheating on?” Dabi snapped, shoving Twice right back. “Keigo’s gone. He left, and he’s not fucking coming back. He’s off doing what he does best- double crossing everyone he knows. We were never dating, I don’t owe him anything.”
“Dabi, you can’t be serious,” Compress said.
“Kei-Kei’s coming back. Why do you think he’s double-crossing us?”
“You mean aside from the fact that he’s tried it before?” Dabi muttered. “Geten told me. He saw him at UA, talking to the Todoroki family, and sneaking around the Commission building. He’s back in Musutafu. Why wouldn’t he tell us where he was going if he was just going back there?”
They shared looks with each other, but Twice shook his head stubbornly. “Geten doesn’t know Red. I don’t trust him-”
“But you trusted Hawks immediately, even while he played you for a fool,” Dabi said bitterly. “It was a one-time thing anyway. And stop checking on me in the middle of the night, it’s fucking weird.” He turned away from them and left the room, not wanting anymore lectures. They didn’t know anything.
“There you are,” Kurogiri said, stopping Dabi in his tracks. “You have a visitor.”
Despite himself, the first person who came to mind was Keigo. But when Dabi turned toward the living room, he didn’t see the telling red hair. In fact, it took him a minute to recognize the person because it had been so long.
He’d only managed to take in the deep gray eyes and snow-white hair before he felt a fist collide with his nose, making him stumble back as the pain spread through his face.
He heard a series of surprised exclamations as he covered his nose and leaned against the couch for balance.
“Friend of yours?” Geten asked with a smirk from where he sat.
Shigaraki had grabbed the man by the back of the neck with all fingers but his index finger. “Who the hell do you think you are?” he snarled.
Dabi waved him away. “Wait,” he said, wincing as blood seeped past his fingers. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t dust my little brother.” He stepped forward, ignoring the confused whispers from the others. “Long time no see,” he muttered.
Tears filled Natsuo’s gray eyes as they narrowed. Dabi half expected another punch in the face. Instead, Natsuo’s arms wrapped around him.
“I’ve missed you, Touya.”