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Eda pops her head through the bathroom entrance, a small smile growing on her face as she takes in the scene before her.
Her six year old daughter, Luz, in the bathtub playing with chunky alphabet magnets as she babbled about…. Something or another about Azura: The Good Witch, her baby’s first fandom.
Raine, her spouse, is already in comfy clothes, wearing an oversized dark blue t-shirt and red sweatpants. Looks nice compared to her still wearing her signature red work dress from being held up late at the shop.
They nod along casually while writing notes in the margins of a giant ass book about The History of classical music: a class for you and me. Or as she likes to call it, Put down that book and make out with me when they read it in bed.
Huh. Maybe she’s the reason why it’s taken them months to get through that old paperweight.
Shrugging that thought completely out of her head, she calls, “Alright kiddo, it’s bedtime. Out of the tub. And nice to know you’re attentively watching our kid not drown , Rainestorm.”
They close the book with a sheepish smile. “Hey, I was watching her! She was talking the whole time; I would’ve heard if she started coughing up water!” They exclaim.
“Aww, but I just opened my burger shop!” Luz whines, interrupting whatever Eda’s retaliation is to that awful excuse.
Eda shrugs, a pang of sympathy flicking across her face as she looks at her distressed kid. It ripples away quickly though, not wanting to give in to the puppy dog pout.
That’s how you raise spoiled kids, and Titan knows Luz Clawthrone is NOT going to end up down that rabbit hole.
“The water ain’t going anywhere, you can take another bath tomorrow and play Burger shop then.” She answers calmly, kicking Raine in the calf. “Hello co parent, I could use a little backup here,” she mumbles, gesturing for them to agree with her.
Raine essentially had two options: agree with the wife and force Luz out of the tub and into pajamas, or….
“Just hear me out Calamity,” they begin, not liking how Eda’s eyes immediately, dangerously narrow at them.
“I read a recent article from the Parent Creature Association website, and they say in order to connect better with your kids you shouldn’t boss them around. Instead, we should let Luz make the decisions regarding herself.”
Luz cheers, splashing water into the air. “Yeah, I like that book!”
“Quiet short stack, you can’t even read.” Eda shoots back, ignoring the way Luz sticks her tongue out in defense.
“I can read! I can read: Cat, Dog, Light, Cup, Tree, and Luz.”
“Yes I know, that poem you wrote to me was breathtaking and we’re very proud of you.” The mom answers tiredly, running both hands through her wild mane of thick hair.
Eda thinks for a minute. “You know what, fine. Raine, I’ll change, then feed and walk the dog. By the time I’m back, I want Luz out of the tub using your Holier than thou method. You have 30 minutes.”
And with that, she leaves her two knuckleheads together in search of King, their black lab.
Raine lets out a shaky breath. They will never hear the end of it if this method fails.
Luz however wastes no time setting up her Burger shop, ringing a pretend bell and shouting, “Next customer please!”
“Oh why hello there fine customer, what would you like to order?” She asks with only a bit of a verbal stumble, speaking into the shampoo bottle as if it was a mic.
Raine chuckles and sits closer on a stool, propping their elbow up on the bathtub edge.
“Luz, I’m going to let you make an important decision here. You can stay up late with the burger shop and be tired and grumpy tomorrow, or you can get out now and wake up nice and refreshed!”
The six year old doesn’t even bat an eye as she repeats, “What would you like to order?”
Casting a look over their shoulder to make sure Eda’s not watching them give in to a first grader, they whisper, “Okay, okay just a quick game. But don’t tell mom. Uh, I’ll just take a regular burger please.”
“Certainly! One burger, coming right up!” Luz giggles, sandwiching a dark brown O between two yellow D magnets, using a purple P magnet as a spatula.
“Oh wait, I saw on tv that I need a hairnet before I start cooking! Okay, pause.”
Raine can’t help the gooey I love you so much smile as they watch Luz scrub soap in her hair, effectively making a hairnet made from bubbles. Hard to imagine that just a few years ago, they were washing her hair for her as she sat in the teeny tiny baby bath.
“Okay, un pause! Do you want fries with your burger?” The girl continues with her script, brushing away dripping soap from her forehead with her arm.
“Uh, okay I guess.” Raine agrees, watching Luz shove yellow L’s upside down in a red toy cup. “But are you sure you don’t want to get out of the bath? We can read a bedtime story together if you stop now.”
“That’ll be five dollars please!” Luz’s answers, ignoring Raine’s bribe completely.
The blue haired musician takes a light green C magnet from the side of the tub and hands it to the six year old. “I gave you a ten dollar bill and my meal is five dollars. How much change do I receive?”
Maybe at least they can turn this into a makeshift math lesson.
“None because we don’t have change. You should’ve said something earlier.” Luz states in a matter of fact.
Or maybe not.
“Here you go! One burger with a side of fries!” Luz offers them the makeshift food, which they happily take.
“Now it’s still up to you, but think about how tired you’ll be tomorrow…. Hey, this is actually a really good burger.” They compliment, chewing thoughtfully on their pretend bite.
Luz is about to show off her manner skills when Eda walks in with a flourish, exclaiming, “I thought I said get out of the bath!”
“I’m working on it!” They counter, and the orange haired woman rolls her eyes.
“Yeah, it sure looks like it. That’s it, I’m pulling the plug!” Eda demands, marching over to the drain.
“No!” Luz shrieks, “I’m still playing!”
“The water is cold!”
Raine tries to quickly think of a new plan. Thirty minutes went by a lot faster than they thought. “Wait, wait, Calamity. Give me another chance. I bet I’ll have her out in the next thirty minutes!”
Eda stills, rising up to her full height. “You bet?” She asks, a devious smile playing upon her lips.
The musician gulps, knowing their tract record is not great against hers, but…
“It’s a bet.”
With a small laugh, Eda dries her hand on the closest towel and goes, “You have twenty more minutes, then I win.”
Raine gives her a smug smile as she leaves, but it’s false confidence and they both know it.
As soon as Eda’s out of an earshot, they ask—borderline begging— if Luz is ready to get out yet.
“Yes.” She nods, “Right after you order another burger.”
The only thought running through Raine’s brain is, Ughhhh this fucking kid got Eda’s stubborn streak.
“But I just had a burger, I’m full.” They try, only for Luz to shake her head.
“Yeah, but you’re really hungry,” she explains, already making another magnet letter dish. “Another five dollars please.”
Wordlessly, Raine blindly hands her another magnet- an S , they think, for Sucker - as they trade letters.
Pretending to munch noisily, they praise how that was the best burger they ever had and how Luz must’ve gone to culinary school for years in order to make ordinary food taste that good.
The small child giggles again, bragging that she doesn’t go to school, she has pure raw talent.
“Alright my Light, I’ve eaten two burgers and a side of fries from your shop. Is it time to get out?” They ask, strongly emphasizing that it is 100% time to leave the water.
“NO! Wait not yet, uh, you have to try my- my, new burger! It’s, um…” Luz frantically looks around the tub, her eyes locking on a dark green letter Q in the corner. “It’s a pickle burger! The secret is that it has pickles!” she explains, resting the green magnet between the yellow D and brown O.
An idea pops into Raine’s brain, and they can’t believe they didn’t think of it sooner.
“Oh! It does look delicious, but it looks like I’m out of money. Guess that’s game over, huh?” they ask rhetorically, standing from the crouched position on the stool to pull the drain plug
“Not yet! Uh, this one is free because you bought two burgers before, it’s a special. It even comes with a toy, look!”
Luz holds up a rubber duck wearing a black monopoly top hat and mustache, squeezing a squeak out of it.
Raine slaps a hand to their head, actually pretty impressed by the dedication their daughter has to playing this game. “Wow, you should have said something before! Okay, give me the burger and duck.”
The brunette erupts into laughter as her parent pretends to eat the burger in one bite, magnets clattering to the floor as they fly her bath toy through the air making “pew pew” noises.
“Now, what else would you like to order?” Luz asks again once she catches her breath.
“Oh nothing for me, thank you. I’m SO full and I’ve got my ducky toy! I really must be off now.” The musician attempts to stand again, only for Luz to yell,
“WAIT! But you can’t go! You need the other toys too, they’re part of a collection set!” The girl holds up a cow printed rubber duck in one hand, a blue dog themed one in the other.
Raine lets out a long sigh. “I think it’s time to get out. You’re shivering! And your lips are blue!”
“Am n-not! And your hair is b-blue!”
They give her a confused, frustrated look. “My hair is blue because of hair coloring. Your lips are blue because you're cold. Luz, look, I’m trying to get you out of the bath without being a meanie but you have to work with me here.”
Luz frantically gestures to her two magnet burgers left, “But I’m not finished! I still have to sell all these burgers!”
Raine runs both hands down their face in exasperation. With a big chomp, they pretend to devour the remaining burgers. “Oh my gosh, that was delicious! Now, time to get out?”
Luz pauses, then nods confidently. “Yes.”
“Great!” They exclaim, moving the discarded magnets into a neat pile on the floor. They’ll clean it tomorrow, but at least no one will trip over Luz’s toys while taking a midnight pee.
“The game is over right after you pay,” she says, washing her pretend letter P spatula.
“Oh… but I haven’t got any money left.”
The girl gasps in mock outrage. “Then how do you expect to pay for all those burgers you just ate!?”
********
Eda can’t fucking believe what she’s seeing.
Her daughter is still in the bath and she’s definitely cold— her teeth are chattering for Titan’s sake! And the person she married is right next to her with their shirt off, shivering too.
At least they kept their pants on.
“Now I’m in the bath and doing the dishes.” Raine mutters as they sit next to Luz in the water, washing pretend blue letter O magnets as if they were plates.
Eda decides it’s a good time to intervene when Luz hands them another magnet stack to clean.
“Come on guys, WHY ARE YOU STILL IN THE BATH!?” She demands in annoyance, hands on her hips and scowling.
Raine tosses a brown O magnet at her, “Because, Calamity, I’m trying to teach personal responsibility! ”
“Her lips are blue!”
“My hair is blue!”
Eda gives them a what the actual fuck look because honestly, what kind of answer even is that. They shrug, not sure either. Worth a shot.
“Whatever, I’m pulling the plug!” She announces, storming over to drain the bath once again.
“NO!” Luz shouts, protectively throwing her arms out in front of her. “MOM, this is our burger shop!”
“It’s eight o’clock! You’re meant to be out of the bath,” she points at her kid, then to Raine, “and you’re not even meant to be in it!!”
Raine pulls Luz into their lap, still shivering. “The article said to have the kid make her own choice!”
Eda gives them the most deadpan look they’ve ever seen in their life. “She’s in first grade! And everyone in the PCA are a bunch of stuck up brats, just like their kids. Do you really want to be associated with anything Odalia Blight touches?”
They make a face at the famous Blight name, but doesn’t engage. “Luz can
make her own good choice— watch!”
Turning to look at their daughter, they state in a firm voice, “Kiddo, no one wants any more burgers and it’s past your bedtime. I really don’t want to be a meanie parting, but I need you to make a good choice right now. So, what’re you going to do?”
The older woman snorts, because they’re grasping at straws and they all know it.
But to both parents' surprise, Luz lets out a long sigh and goes, “Okay, I guess I’ll close the burger shop.”
“Great!”
“And I’ll open a taco shop!” Luz grins, holding up a maroon letter I in the middle of a sand brown U magnet with both hands, as if she expected praise for her ingenious loophole.
That’s the last straw for Raine. “ALRIGHT! I’M PULLING THE PLUG! Luz, move out of the way.”
Luz screeches with displeasure as she’s swept to the side, almost jumping onto Raine’s back in order to keep playing.
Eda being who she is, simply laughs at her partner trying to stand up while fighting off the kid: the great battle for the bath plug.
Raine looks at her for any kind of help, but she holds her arms up in a, “Don’t look at me, you asked for this” gesture. But, she does give them Luz’s yellow towel with a duck themed hood to swaddle her in and dry off as the bath becomes water droplets.
Ironically, Raine gives her the birdie as they carries a loudly complaining Luz out of the tub and into her bedroom
*******
“I look like a hedgehog!” Luz exclaims, patting her now dry, spiked up messy short hair. Raine chuckles and noogie’s her with the towel again.
“Are we nice and warm now?” They ask, and she nods, giving them that sunshiny Luz smile that makes everyone around her feel good and loved and safe.
They hope she will always have that smile.
Luz puffs out her cheeks as she toys with the ends of her towel, staring down at her dark purple pajama t-shirt and shorts adorned with bright yellow stars. “I’m sorry I didn’t get out of the bath sooner.”
Raine shrugs, bending down to pinch her cheeks. “That’s okay; I’m sorry I didn’t make you. Guess I’ll be a meanie parent for a bit longer, huh?”
She giggles again, and that’s all the answers they need.
“Settle down! Okay kiddo, straight into bed.” Eda orders, although with a soft smile on her face.
“Okie dokie, mom.”
“And don’t think I forgot about our bet, Raine,” she says before tackling Luz with a goodnight hug and kiss, then departing to the master bedroom. No doubt King is already fast asleep and snoring on her mattress. Whatever, she’ll push him over to Raine’s side of the bed.
Luz crouches on her hands and knees, duck towel now discarded on the floor next to her. “Hey, can we play hedgehogs?”
Raine hooks the hood part of the towel around one of the corner pegs around her bed so it can properly dry, scratching the back of their neck.
“Uh…. Well....” They stammer, but looking into those big brown eyes, Raine can’t help but melt.
“Pllllleeeeaaase?”
They caves and whisper, “Uh, okay. But just a quick game. But don’t tell mom,” much to Luz’s excitement.
They know that one day, Luz will be a grown up teenager doing her own thing, preferring to spend hours with her friends instead of pretending to own a burger shop, or being a hedgehog, or being a witch like her hero Azura.
Yet they can’t help but laugh loudly as she does some weird hedgehog dance, more than glad that today is not that day.