Chapter Text
There were three kinds of dinners in the Wayne household.
Informal, or most nights, where the aim of the game was to eat well, carb up for duty, and avoid talking to anyone. These were usually taken in the servant’s dining room, which was cozy and small, or in the cave, which was neither of those things. Alfred made varied and incredibly healthy dinners every night that helped maintain the physique of his wards. Most of the time, this was right after most people finished evening workouts or had woken up from afternoon naps, so no one was interested in looking good or having a conversation.
Formal, which was usually a ‘best-behavior’ affair, when guests- especially non-capes- would arrive and be a thorn in everyone’s side for a few hours. These were taken in the formal dining room, and everyone had to wear their best ‘normal weird billionaire family member’ masks. Everyone tried to avoid Formal Dinners.
And Holiday. Holiday dinners were the best of both worlds. After everyone was home from whatever holiday events they’d been roped into, they had a gathering of the entire family, including Kane, Harper, and the Foxes, everyone who both knew and helped with their vigilantism, and they had a large, comfortable dinner. Behavior varied from best to most mischievous and generally it meant everyone got to be together.
The dinner Alfred planned to invite the entire family to meet Jon was more like the third variety. It would have to be. Everyone was invited, and everyone intended to show up.
Luke Fox brought a bottle of brandy for Alfred, because he knew that the poor old butler was dealing with a lot, dealing not only with Damian and his villainous boyfriend but also everyone’s reactions to the boyfriend in question. He was mostly here for the drama and to catch up.
Harper Row, Stephanie Brown, and Carrie Kelley showed up together, with Steph and Carrie not dressed for the weather and Harper’s jacket the warmest place to hide from the weather. Alfred ushered them in quickly, shaking his head. You’d think he’d have taught all of them to wear a sweater.
Kate Kane showed up with hugs, a chokehold for Damian and Barbara Gordon’s best wishes. Barb had a prior engagement and had spent enough time researching Kryptonian courtship rituals (talking Kelex into gossiping with her) that she trusted that Jon was not only no longer a threat but also incredibly serious about Damian.
Jason, Cass, and Tim were already in the house, with Tim barely awake from his last stint researching the Kryptonians without the benefit of Kelex’s friendship. Jason was just hanging out with Alfred all day, helping him juggle setting the table and preparing the meal. Cass was somewhere around here.
Dick arrived last of the family, only getting off work for ‘Sunday Dinner’ after practically begging his partner to take over the rest of their last incident report. He greeted Bruce and then Damian with a bone-crushing hug and a reasonably suspicious smile.
Jon showed up as politely as a Kryptonian could. He dropped out of supersonic speed before hitting the city and landed without carving a crater in the driveway, kicking up a small ring of dust and gently knocking on the door. He had a backpack on, uncharacteristically.
Alfred got the door.
“Mister El. You’re just on time, everyone else has already arrived.”
“No pressure, right Pennyworth?” Jon smiled, offering Alfred a handshake, “I’ve been told you’re the real mastermind of the family. I have gifts for everyone, would you like yours now? In case I get run off?”
“Let’s not plan for the evening to end poorly.”
“Probably smart. If I do, I’ll drop this off with you or Damian. I wasn’t sure how many people to plan for?”
“There are twelve people here today, including myself. Unfortunately, you make 13. It’s quite unlucky.”
“Is thirteen unlucky?” Jon tilted his head. He kind of remembered hearing about that one, but it seemed weird to fear a number.
“Quite.”
Alfred led him inside, past portraits of the Waynes. Jon didn’t stop to marvel at them, but made note of every face he saw. Alfred the cat stopped to greet him, sniffing him and bopping his head against his leg.
When they got to the formal dining room, Jon was met with eleven stoic faces- one of them being the most beautiful stoic face on Earth.
“Damian!” Jon dropped his bag (which thunked ominously), and hurried to hug his boyfriend.
The remaining humans froze between preparing to attack and seeing what was happening as Damian accepted the hug with gusto, Jon’s snuggling a natural part of his life by now.
Alfred cleared his throat and the air, “Dinner will be ready in a few moments, please enjoy the tea service I’ve prepared, sir.”
“Thank you, Pennyworth!” Jon grinned, then returned to his bag.
Bruce attempted to begin the conversation, “We’re so glad you could make it, Jon-El, I can’t say we’ve heard much about you but I’m very interested to know how you and Damian got to know each other.”
“Just Jon. Besides, you know how. I’d kidnap people and flirt with him, he’d think it was part of the villain act, I’d be heartbroken for a while, rinse and repeat until I ended up telling Slade off for attacking him. I can’t imagine you didn’t know about all of that, since most of it was in your own city, Bat.”
Jon wasn’t blowing him off, not really, but he was rummaging around in his bag for a while.
“What are you doing with that bag?”
“Presents for everyone. Best behavior, first official visit to the noble house of the Bat. I’m trying to court your youngest, I have to prove I can provide for him in the event I must. You know I can provide for him, but it is traditional. In fact, there’s prescribed gifts for every member of his family. I could’ve asked the machine to make most of these, but they’re all hand-made.”
Alarm rippled through the Wayne family like it might rustle the feathers of a flock of birds, everyone focusing on the back of the hunched kryptonian. Except Damian, who was smiling and watching his family freak out.
Damian knew what the gifts were, and the anticipation was just what his father deserved for forcing Jon to meet with the entire family.
“For the intended, a blade. In case he ever decides he doesn’t want me near him.” Jon laughed and handed a lead-lined box to Damian, “Some alterations to the traditional volcanic glass recipe had to be made to account for the powers. This blade is imbued with kryptonite.”
“For the siblings. That’s gonna be all of you but Bruce and Alfred, sorry, I don’t know if there were different gifts for bond-siblings or bond-children of the parents. Gems. I formed them myself.” Jon pulled beautiful, sparkling rocks from the bag, handing one to each person he came across. Luke got a ruby, Kate a sapphire, Carrie something greener than that, Jason some loose diamonds, and so on.
“You said you formed these yourself? Like, with heat vision and crushing?” Tim squinted at his own ruby, nearly the size of his eye.
“It’s not hard, except the diamonds- I didn’t form those completely on my own, I asked Kon for a diamond he’d stolen as the seed for those. You gotta have a kernel of a diamond to produce ones that are shiny.” Jon rambled to himself and crouched again to get in the bag.
“For the Father.” Jon popped up, holding a delicate crystal goblet, “A cup. To promise that his will never run dry.”
“What did you get for Alfred?” Dick piped up, sitting down at his spot at the table.
“The gift for the head of household.” Jon pulled a simple necklace out of the bottom of the bag, “House El’s crest, and therefore her favor. Leverage over my father, really. For him alone.”
“If it’s for the head of household, shouldn’t it be for Bruce?” Carrie piped up.
“No.” Jason finally spoke, “Alfred gets it. Adoption is as valid as blood, right kid?”
“Kin is measured in bond, not blood, or I wouldn’t owe any of you a thing, save Bruce. If humans are still stuck in the idea of the blood family being more honorable than the house as a whole, you’re a lot more barbaric than I believed.” Jon twisted the golden chain in his hands.
The room fell to silence, until Luke Fox laughed.
“He’s got you there.”
Damian nodded and took Jon’s elbow in his hand, leaning in to whisper under his breath.
“I assume you have a gift prepared for my mother?”
“Not with me, I assumed she wouldn’t be here. It’s in the fortress.”
“What is it?”
“Crystal bowl. Promise you’ll never go hungry.”
Damian nodded, “Come, sit, let’s keep you from going hungry. I’m sure Alfred’s almost ready to serve the meal.” He stood up tall, “Jason, Tim, Harper, Carrie, why don’t we go help Alfred carry dinner here?”
With varying enthusiasm, the four got up and went with Damian, leaving Jon in the room with the five older.
“Jon-El, I am willing to believe that you are seriously courting my son and that you’ve promised him to behave. I am even willing to believe you have good intentions in courting him.” Bruce picked up the crystal goblet, admiring the precision with which it was carved, probably with heat vision.
“It’s just ‘Jon’, and I appreciate you giving me the benefit of those beliefs. They are true, but you have every right not to believe me. My mother is human, her father believes to this day that Superman kidnapped her and that she has Stockholm Syndrome, despite her living apart from my father and leading her own life. I only ask for the opportunity to prove my sincerity and, perhaps, if he believes me worth it, your blessing, should we decide to marry.”
Kate’s eyes bore down on him until she nodded silently, glancing at Luke, who downed the last of his tea. Dick tapped his chin thoughtfully, arms crossed over his chest.
There was a conversation happening that Jon wasn’t privy to.
“I have decided to court him in the Kryptonian fashion, because I am not going to avoid the facts: I am an alien and a criminal, who has never had any reason to pretend to be human. If you all can accept me courting your youngest with those facts as blatant as possible, then I will know I am truely accepted.”
“Ultimately,” Bruce unfolded his hands and righted his posture, “I cannot tell you not to see my son. I could, but I won’t. I am aware that kryptonian courtship places a great emphasis on the approval of the families, but I have no intentions of meddling in the love lives of my children. Impress Damian, first. If he’s happy, then you’re welcome to ask for my favor. I accept you since he has accepted you, and if he is hurt by you, he will be protected here until he decides to see you again.”
Jon nodded.
Alfred brought the food in, and dinner commenced. Discussion remained light, barely mentioning the other kryptonians or the work. Hockey was discussed, mechanical engineering, kryptonian language and culture. Jon explained about the City of Kandor, the machines, his grandparents, beguiling the group with explanations of flying beyond light speed to get to Neptune that one time Kon had dared him.
“Speaking of Kon, he’s trying to become my rival.” Tim finally broached the subject.
“Yeah, he thinks you’re hot.” Jon explained, not noticing how that shocked the table as he tried to get a handle on eating the turkey without the bones. Mom had said it was more polite to remove them.
“What was that, beloved?” Damian eventually brokered.
“Kon thinks Tim is cool, hot, and skilled, and wants to rival him out of respect and attraction. You can’t pretend to utterly loathe someone who can’t go toe-to-toe with you or who you find unpleasant to look at, especially if you intend to see them bloody or bruised.”
Tim blushed.
“So you’re saying your brother doesn’t hate Tim, but instead finds him attractive?”
“Yeah. We aren’t- we don’t care enough about any humans to hate them, really, except maybe Luthor, but he keeps threatening Mom. We don’t need money or respect, not really, except to control other villains or for vanity. We only commit crimes for fun- did you think we needed to do any of that? Most of the money I steal goes to my brother or my grandparents- I wouldn’t know how to spend anything, and Kon’s pretty good at laundering money.” Jon gave up and crunched the bone, “We take on rival positions with heroes we think are cool or hot. It’s play fighting for us unless kryptonite gets involved, and the threat of it getting involved at all is kind of exciting.”
“You’re telling me that you kryptonians use heroes for a thrill?” Jason stood, but a look from Alfred had him sitting back down.
“That is what I’m saying. You know how human children will call a stick a sword or jump from a rope swing? It’s like that, but higher stakes. Dad’s been stranded on Earth alone his whole life, like a tiger among housecats, he’s gotta play just to keep from getting vengeful. We keep him company, but it’s not enough to be less alone. We have to be stimulated.”
Alfred took the completely clean plate from Jon.
“What will you do to ‘play’, now that you’re not going to kill anyone?” Dick leaned on the table rudely.
“Probably bother Damian, fight Kon, get back into video games, and learn more Kryptonian- the language. We mostly speak English at home, but dad wants us all to be fluent.”
Various nods were traded, and Jon ate the rest of dinner relatively unbothered.
When it was time to leave, Damian and Alfred walked him out, and he got the chance to explain the gift to Alfred.
“The house of El recognizes you as the head of house Wayne, and you have our favor. If you show this to my dad, he has to recognize that he is allied with you and yours, and he’ll be compelled to offer aid, adherence, or silence. Not a lot of people have leverage over my father.”
Alfred nodded politely and took the necklace. He didn’t really have a need for this, but in the event he did, it would be nearby.
“Do you mind giving us a moment, Pennyworth?” Damian tilted his head.
“Not at all. Return quickly.” Alfred closed the door behind him.
Jon smiled nervously and turned to his boyfriend.
“Do not seek out my mother on your own. I will arrange a meeting, and be there with you. I will see you next Sunday for dinner with your family, I assume?”
“Yep! I’m gonna pick you up, Kon might come along to annoy us on the flight to Metropolis.”
“I look forward to it, beloved.” Damian approached Jon and pressed their foreheads together.
Jon hugged Damian tightly and kissed his cheek before flying away.