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To be honest, Chuuya wanted to sue a certain bandaged fucker.
In the seven fucking years that Chuuya has known him, he had really thought that he knew almost everything about that shitty mackerel. Or at the very least, Chuuya expected and hoped to know the important things. And he did!
Chuuya has been taking care of Dazai ever since they first met when they were fifteen. The shitty bastard would actually die of malnourishment and lack of sleep if Chuuya were to leave him alone even for a week. Since the mafioso was so very involved in literally every aspect of his so called rival's life, he expected to know such important things, damn it!
But apparently, Dazai has had glasses for literally years, and his partner was just finding out about it. Seriously, Chuuya wanted to file for divorce. How can he have gone years without realising that Dazai needed glasses?!
It's possible that Dazai wore contact lenses, but Chuuya is very sceptical about that. For one, when they were younger, they used to be together every time of the day. Chuuya has never once seen Dazai make use of any sort of contact lenses, their cases or cleaning solutions. He is also used to cleaning their apartment and organizing their drawers, and Chuuya has never once seen any of those things!
But to be fair, Chuuya has also never stumbled upon a case of glasses or anything similar. Just how much effort has Dazai put in for hiding this little fact about himself?! But now that Chuuya knew about it, he genuinely wanted to go scream in a fucking pillow.
His process of finding out this goldmine of an information went like this. It was Sunday morning, and the two of them were lounging about in the living room, after having eaten breakfast. Dazai was sprawled on the couch and playing on his phone. As much as Chuuya would like to join him, he had a bunch of shitty paperwork to complete before he was free for the day.
So, he did the most obvious thing one could do in this situation. He fetched his files from the study before spreading them out on the coffee table. He then threw a fine-tipped pen, cap closed, at his annoying husband, "Oi, Dazai. Help me out with paperwork here."
The other yelped when the pen hit him, making him drop his phone on his face, "Ouch! What was that for?!"
Chuuya rolled his eyes before reaching over and removing the phone from the other's face, "My bad. Anyway, get up already, oi! Help me with paperwork here."
Dazai complained as he finally started to sit up, "Ehh, why do I have to help Chuuya with paperwork? Isn't that confidential Port Mafia business?"
The redhead pretended to mull over it for a few seconds before speaking again, a smirk gracing his features, "True, but this particular paperwork is basically reviewing the Mafia's underground surveillance system. Nobody is better suited for the job that the person who constructed the surveillance system. Right, partner?"
The ex-mafioso muttered, "I can't believe you're taking advantage of me like this. Is this why you married me, Chuuya?! So you could use me to do your paperwork? How cruel!"
Chuuya snorted as he handed his partner the necessary files, "Yep, you're absolutely right. I went through the trouble of looking after your sorry ass for seven years, and then the tiresome process of filing for our marriage just so I could make you do paperwork."
The brunet whined, "Chuuya! How mean of you!"
Chuuya just grinned and rolled his eyes, "Shut up already and get to work. I wanna watch a movie after."
Dazai sighed in affirmation, that yes, he would now get to work and stop being a lazy misfit. SO obviously, Chuuya was expecting him to uncap the pen and start working already. But instead, Dazai let out another loud sigh before leaning ahead to feel under the couch cushions for something.
Chuuya watched with pure confusion as his partner finally pulled out a sleek, black glasses case. He asked suspiciously, "What's that? A more suited pen or something?"
Dazai scoffed as he opened the case carefully, "Has your hat finally eaten away at your brain, Chuuya? It's clearly a case for my glasses, isn't it?"
Suddenly, Chuuya found it very hard to breathe as soon as his husband slipped the pair of thin, black-framed glasses on his face. He swallowed and managed to stutter out a minute later, "You... Since when... Since when?"
Dazai turned to look at the mafioso and bit his lip, "Since when have I had my glasses? Since before I met you, of course."
Chuuya's hand stilled absolutely, "You... You're serious? You've had glasses...?"
Dazai nodded again, "Yeah."
The redhead reached up his hand to run a finger against the frame of the pair of glasses, "How come I've never seen you wear them? Do you wear contacts?"
Dazai shook his head, "Nope. I'm far-sighted, so I just need them for reading and such. Reading glasses."
For a minute or two, Chuuya was absolutely enthralled. Fuck? Dazai.
Dazai was wearing glasses.
He has had glasses for years.
This was the first time in seven years that Chuuya saw him wear his glasses.
Chuuya very much wanted to sue his partner for depriving him of such a breath-taking sight all this time. Now this, was a sight rivalling a masterpiece worth ten billion.
And then, because he knew his partner better than anyone else, it suddenly dawned on him. Chuuya asked suspiciously, "Is this why you always made me do our paperwork in the past? Because you didn't want to be seen wearing glasses?"
The brunet laughed at being found out, "That, but also, why work when I have my dog to do it for me?"
For a change, Chuuya didn't have the proper mindset to smack the other and insist that he was definitely not his dog. No, Chuuya was still way too mesmerised by the sight of a pair of glasses resting upon his husband's nose. Seriously, why was this whole thing so appealing?
Chuuya had no business being this attracted to his fucking husband, just because he put on a pair of glasses.
Apparently, he had been staring too long, because Dazai suddenly looked away and muttered, "Stop staring at me. It's weird."
Chuuya blinked and snapped back into reality, "Oh, I'm... I didn't mean to. Sorry."
But well, of course, he still couldn't exactly look away. Seriously, can he even be blamed? Dazai, his partner of seven years, was sitting on their couch with his freshly-washed, tousled hair. Plus, he also wearing an oversized fluffy sweater, which fucking made him have sweater paws! Sweater paws! Chuuya was fucking weak.
And the new glasses were seriously not helping anything. If Dazai looked cute before, he now looked cute and hot at the same time and honestly, Dazai may be right about Chuuya's hat eating away at his brain, because Chuuya's brain could not keep up with this new development, and how it made Dazai look. Fucking hell.
Of course, because his brain had been going haywire over a literal pair of glasses, his eyes continued to linger upon his partner's face. Dazai finally buried his face in a pillow and whined, "Chuuya! Stop staring at me!"
The mafioso shook his head in a vain attempt to clear his head, "I'm sorry! I don't mean to, it's just..."
It's just that Chuuya had never been more attracted to his husband in their seven years together than he was right now. And he really didn't know if that was concerning or not. But like! Dazai looked so fucking good? Chuuya very desperately wanted to kiss him.
He wanted to find out what it would be like to kiss Dazai when he was wearing his glasses. Would the glasses get in the way? Would they dig into his face? Because if so, that sounded heavenly. Fucking hell, Chuuya felt like a teenager with a crush all over again.
It's just, Dazai was so pretty in general. And now he was wearing glasses and, Chuuya's heart was having a tough time doing its job. Seriously, would Dazai be willing to go down on him whilst wearing those glasses... Nope. No. Dangerous line of thought. Abort. Abort!
Fortunately, his partner had impeccable timing and snapped him out of his train of thought. He murmured as he lifted his head from the pillow, "You just... Never mind, I get it already."
Of course, Chuuya figured that because his husband was a genius and what not, he could actually understand Chuuya's line of thought at the moment. Hence, he blushed a little, "Yeah... Um. That. Sorry?"
Dazai was clearly not looking at Chuuya's expression, and not comprehending the actual situation, Instead, he just went on to sprout some bullshit, "I look ugly with glasses. I know that already. It's just to help you with your paperwork. I'll take them off right after, okay."
Chuuya's jaw dropped rather comically, "The fuck are you talking about?"
When Dazai just looked at him in confusion, Chuuya finally realised what was going on. Shitty Dazai had a very stupid insecurity about wearing his glasses. Chuuya couldn't even begin to describe how utterly ridiculous that was. But well, he would never be the one to make light of somebody's, especially his Dazai's insecurities.
He spoke incredulously, "You genuinely think that I think you look ugly with glasses? Osamu, please, honey. You're supposed to be a genius."
Dazai just continued to look at him in confusion, "What? But I do look-"
The mafioso cut him off with a snort, "Stop bullshitting. You look fucking hot. I have never been more attracted to you than I am right now."
The detective's lips parted in disbelief, "You... What?" He added with a whine, "Chuuya! Stop messing with me!"
Chuuya sighed before discarding his paperwork and pulling the other to closer to him, "You are such an idiot. I'm not messing with you, dude. You look seriously hot. I'm very much in love with you."
Dazai blushed furiously, "I'm... You're not making fun of me?"
The mafioso took a page out of his husband's book and gasped dramatically, "I would never!"
When Dazai wrinkled his nose in disbelief, Chuuya reached up his hand to rest it atop the other's head, "I'm serious. I would never make fun of you. Plus, I think you look fucking gorgeous, so like..."
A very flustered Dazai buried his face in bright red hair, dragging out the 'o' sound, "Stop, Chuuya!"
Chuuya grinned as gently pet the other's hair, "What, Dazai Osamu can't handle compliments? I knew that already. Shut up and deal with it, Mackerel."
The brunet tried to stand up and leave, "I'm leaving, this is so-"
Of course, Chuuya pulled him back down to the couch and cut him off, "One, you still haven't done my paperwork. And two, let me just..."
He finished his sentence by pulling Dazai in and kissing him. As expected, the glasses dug into his face. That accompanied with Dazai's very red face and parted lips; Chuuya seriously had a big fucking crush on this dork in front of him.
He breathed as he finally pulled away, "Fuck, I love you so much."
Obviously, Dazai blushed some more before burying his face back into a pillow, "Stop it, already."
Chuuya finally decided to have a tiny sliver of mercy. His hands poked the other's cheeks before grasping onto his files and pen again, "Alright, alright. I'll stop. Get to work already, oi! We don't have all day, you know!"
This was followed by Dazai finally lifting his face out of the pillow and getting to work, his face still tinged with red. Chuuya found him so fucking cute as usual, but after finding about the whole glasses thing? Yeah no, Chuuya very desperately needed to take a cold shower.
Being deprived of such a sight for so many years. A fucking tragedy, that was what it was. Dazai has pretty eyes in general, but those eyes Chuuya loved so much enhanced with such cute glasses? How unfair! How could Dazai ever do this to him?! Seriously, why was his partner such a fucking idiot? Stupid. Fucking dumbass.
He wanted to sue and press charges against Dazai for making him develop a fucking glasses kink. No, that's not quite right. It was more of a 'Dazai in glasses' kink. Same thing! It was going to ruin his mind and his life either way!
Chuuya wanted to file for divorce immediately.
(And maybe get married to the same shitty bastard again and host a wedding and make sure that Dazai wore his glasses to the ceremony? No?
No. Chuuya needed to shut the fuck up and get back to work immediately.)