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Ambitions
Since you died, I've become more ambitious…
I've always strived to be better. You can say that for a while I lived only in dreams. With you, I've stopped being cruel. It's been a very long time since I rushed to the dream, sweeping away all obstacles in my path. And it's all the more strange for me to realize that cruelty still lives in my heart. And after your death, when nothing restrained the thirst for cruelty anymore. It's awake.
Fear
Since you died, I've stopped being afraid.…
I have never been reputed to be a coward, I had no fears. But when you became my friend, I started to be afraid. Not for myself– but for you. What will happen to you if I don't come back from the fight? I knew you couldn't survive it, so I tried to be careful. Now you're gone, and I'm rushing into battle with opponents bigger and more experienced than me without fear. No, I have something to live for – I still hope to fulfill my dream. But I have no one else to be afraid of.
Fault
Ever since you died, I've been feeling guilty.…
Why, when someone dies, does the survivor feel guilty? I can't forgive myself for not saving you. That I didn't keep track of you. That I allowed these stupid Maximals to draw you into battle. In general, I just can't forgive myself that you died. I am guilty, and the guilt pricks me like thorns. I will never stop blaming myself.
Twilight
Ever since you died, I hate twilight.…
You and I fell in love with each other in the evening, don't you remember? You and I walked together through the forest and the rays of the setting sun illuminated our way. And then I suddenly noticed that your eyes are amber like the sun and twinkle with a million stars. And your fur is softer than the warmest blanket. And then the world exploded for me with millions of different colors. But you died, and now, as soon as it gets dark, my nose stings strangely, and my eyes are wet. And I, as a warrior, should not be weak. That's why I hate twilight.
Kindness
Since you died, I've been doing less good deeds.…
I've never been sickeningly kind, sweet, polite. I have never been perfect, the one to which happiness runs headlong. But when I fell in love with you, I felt the happiest in the whole world. And you loved doing good, yes. And completely conquered by you, following your example, I covered my comrades in their tricks, helped Megatron, giving rest to the Scorponok. Not as often as you, of course, but I tried to please you with my kindness as much as I could. But you are no more, and I have earned everyone the fame of a frightened and sad turtle that does not attract any attention.
If only
Since you died, I don't say the words "If" anymore…
You liked to dream sometimes. Maybe too much. There were days when dreamy phrases like "If it weren't for this disk, there would be no battles", "If every bot had Dinobot's justice, we could serve our race better." I was silent, listening to your dreams and only thought: "If it were possible to get a star from the sky, I would get it for you." You're dead, and I can't bring myself to say "If only" anymore. Only "If". If I'm stronger, I'll forget you. But deep down I know that I will never be able to forget you.
Hedgehog
Since you died, no one calls me a hedgehog anymore…
Yes, my shell was associated with everything – with thorns of burdock, with thorn needles, with a coastal stone, but only you called me affectionately a hedgehog. You could repeat this nickname angrily, wearily, sadly, enthusiastically… But there was never mockery in your voice. You're dead, and no one calls me a hedgehog anymore. But if someone accidentally, without imagining how dear this nickname is to me, calls me like this, my heart is squeezed with bitterness and impotent anger, and mockery seems in his voice. And I personally am ready to hit everyone who tells me: "Hedgehog!"
Lark
Since you died, I've been avoiding the songs of the larks…
You've had a lot of weirdness. Maybe before, when you were alive, I didn't notice them, but now I see them clearly, like the moon on a cloudless night. And perhaps the biggest of your quirks is your love for the song of the lark. I've even tried to talk some sense into you, but you didn't want to hear anything. As soon as dawn was breaking, and the sun was showing a thin slice over the horizon, you got up, quietly made your way to the exit from the Axalon. I followed you on such an outing once, worried about you. And that's why even now, closing my eyes, I can see a thin, dazzling red figure glowing from the rising sun. You were making your way to the border with our territory, where a dense forest turned into a field with yellow grass, burnt out from the clear summer sun, dry and brittle during the day, and now wet with dew, which dutifully took you into its arms when you lay down. And a little later, a single dot flew up into the sky. A tiny bird, no bigger than a sparrow. But in her song there was the power of generations of living beings, from mighty Decepticon warriors to the smallest bug. There was life in that song. And you listened, forgetting to breathe, listened as you never listened to me. And I was jealous. And now that you're dead, I just hate larks. I'm still jealous of them for you, because sometimes when I walk by the border with the Maximals' territory with a dawn patrol, it seems to me that you are frolicking there in the rapidly reddening sky. And then I get angry that you came to the larks, and not to me. And I kill them, at the same time trying to prove to myself that I am devoted to the Predacons more than to your memory. No one doubts me, no one can imagine that I miss you. But I still hate larks, which means I haven't forgotten you.
Envy
Since you died, I can't look at couples in love...
Maybe the team is afraid of me partly because I can't see the tenderness of couples in love. I just can't. Being with you was the best time of my life. But you're gone. And I envy them: lovers who have found each other, happy strong couples. And even to the elders of Cybertron, who have lived all their long lives in mutual love and support. Envy gnaws at me, torments me like a burdock clinging to my heart. It seems to me that with every second of loneliness, my heart is bleeding more and more with bloody tears, drying up without love. You are my everything in the past. You are my sorrow in the present. My future looks bleak without you.
Illusion
Since you died, I've been seeing illusions more and more often...
I know you're not here. I know you're dead, but I see you a lot. There are no stars in your fur, as if you are alive. I can feel your breath, the rustle of your fur, your unique smell. But I know for sure that it can't be you, it's not even your spirit from the Matrix. I try not to pay attention to you, I pretend that you are not there, but you are here. No one but me can see you, so you are a figment of my imagination. But you're here, I know! I even went to Scorponok. He said that nothing can be done about it, it's my fantasy that can't accept your death and sees you. I can't live like this, I'm scared to see you around, even though you died. And even scarier is that I can't put my hand on your shoulder, touch your nose with my nose, even though you're nearby. It makes my life even more unbearable.
Rockfall
Ever since you died, I've been remembering that rockfall…
Once, when you and I were walking along a small overgrown path under a rock, stones suddenly rained down on us. Undoubtedly, some kind of animal played pranks and ran over the top, causing a rockfall. But that's not what matters. Then, in the dust, tearing off my voice in a summoning call, I realized for the first time how afraid I was of losing you. And when you finally came out to my voice, just as hoarse and dirty, I was happy as no one else. Now you'll never come out to me again. You won't kiss the top of my head, you won't laugh with a ringing laugh. And I still can't accept it. That's my curse.
The sun
Since you died, I've been looking at the sun more often…
I loved looking at you. Carefully, pretending that I was just thinking. And everything about you reminded me of the sun - a fiery red color, but most importantly - this soft, almost visible light, the light of affection and spiritual beauty. You never seemed to be discouraged and always found the right words to help others survive the pain and loss. In my thoughts, your image is forever connected with the heavenly day circle. And now, when I look at the Sun, I see your smiling faceplate.
Dream
Since you died, my dream has faded and disappeared…
From the very early childhood I had a dream, some actions that I wanted to perform. You'd probably call it a plan, but I'm not used to planning. I'm used to dreaming, knowing what I want, and doing everything to fulfill your desires. My "dream" was short and clear: become an artist. I've never really dreamed of a family, a friend. But you appeared, and my whole "algorithm" collapsed. Because I could only think about you. I've grown up, yes, you can't take that away from me. I showed everyone how warriors fight, I became a role model to some extent. But I'm not going to be an artist anymore. The time during which I could have studied art, I spent with you. And I don't regret it. Almost. Still, I wanted to overtake Nyx at least once, at least in some way. I wanted to feel the love beating in the claws. But she somehow won Dinobot's heart, stealing my first cherished chance. Was she spending the nights with him now?
Night
Since you died, I've been loving the night more and more…
The night is the most beautiful, my favorite time. The time of gentle drops left after the rain and falling on my paws, making me shiver pleasantly. The time of the round moon smiling so familiar. A time of quiet, almost inaudible whispers and joyful tears. The time of the birth of a new one. The time when you told me that you considered me not just a friend…
The clouds
Since you died, I don't look at clouds anymore.…
Do you remember how you liked to look at clouds? All the time you pulled me to the border with your territory, into the damp grass - to lie and look at the sky, where clouds are hovering. You loved when they floated out in big hulks, soft and snowy. Or when the clouds are like feathers of birds, light fluffs across the sky. I loved when you felt good and liked everything. But you died. I haven't looked at the sky since. No time. Or I just don't want to accidentally see your silhouette made of clouds at the top.
Weep
Since you died, I've learned to cry.…
I've never cried. Never. I gathered my strength, did not let childish insults seize power over feelings. When Dinobot left us for the Maximals - that was the first time I succumbed to emotions and cried. But -alone. Away from everyone. Not to be seen. I'm not weak, I'm strong and proud. You supported me then as much as you could. But I didn't show you my tears either. Then you died. And I was so sorry, so bitter that you never saw me cry. If you could see, you could imagine there, in heaven, how bad I feel. And so - you didn't see. I was crying, hiding from everyone. Even from Primus. And I have no doubt that the moment I cried, you asked the stars to turn away. You wouldn't want anyone to see how weak I can be. And it's not because you'd be ashamed of me then. But because it would be a shame to me.
Jealousy
Since you died, I have no one else to be jealous of.…
You've never cheated on me. You couldn't, you just weren't equipped to cheat. But I was still jealous of you. It was almost like a game, I growled and mentally attacked everyone who dared to look in your direction. I've been defending my right to you in front of the whole world. You laughed your head off and called me yours. But you died, and I lost such a wonderful fun that distracted me from my worries.
Sleep
Since you died, I can't sleep well…
One night you slept next to me. Your red fluffy hot side and quiet snoring have become part of my dream. But you're gone, and I can't sleep. But I found a way out. I leave Darksyde at night and lie down in the open air, pressed against Megatron's rock. It partly replaces your side for me. Sometimes I feel your cold starry touch on the other side. I sleep best on nights like this.
Darkness
Ever since you died, I've been afraid of the dark again.…
I've always disliked the darkness. When the night embraced the forest, I pressed myself against the wall harder, as hard as I could and wrapped myself in a blanket. No, I wasn't afraid, just… I was uncomfortable, restless in the dark. It seemed from above the flapping of the wings of an owl, the wavering shadows grabbed by the tail and paws. You explained to me that I shouldn't be afraid, showed me how great it can be in the dark. I wasn't worried around you. It was as if you were glowing from within, and next to you the darkness was not real. But you died, and old fears come back to me. But new ones are also coming. Now in the dark I can hear you dying.
Catch
Since you died, I've gotten worse at hunting.…
I've never been a good hunter, I admit. Battles, battles – that's what I loved, and I spent little time catching game and almost always came with an empty mouth. You often hunted with me and gave me most of your catch so that no one would tease me. And all this despite the fact that you yourself were a vegetarian and adored acorns. I was so grateful to you, and you said there was no need to thank you, that you were doing this because you love me. But you died, and now I'm one of the worst hunters again.
The Owl
Since you died, I've killed an owl…
There was an old stupid owl in our forest, remember? He yelled at the whole forest at night. I tried to kill him many times already, but you stopped me. You said that if I killed this owl, there would be another night screamer. I obeyed you reluctantly. When you were gone, the first thing I did was kill that owl. It seemed to me that this way I would forget you faster. But instead of joy, I experienced only bitterness and longing for you. And the next night another owl settled next to our ship.
Hands
Since you died, no one will put their hands on my waist anymore…
With the help of hands alone, you can convey emotions, express sympathy, sympathize. With a single wave of them, you could show a whole rainbow of sensations. But your favorite gesture was to hug my waist. You died, and I still can't get used to the emptiness on my waist... and in my soul.
Flowers
Since you died, I don't pay attention to flowers anymore.…
You were very fond of all sorts of little things that no Predacon in his right mind usually pays attention to. Bugs, spiders, rainbows over the forest, butterflies, warm rain. And of course this list included flowers. Different, any. Big and small, colorful and not so, fragrant and not. Rinox even sent you out occasionally to get herbs, confident that you would find everything you needed. But most of all you loved poppies with glossy scarlet petals and a heady smell. You died, and I stopped paying attention to the flowers. It's in my past, it's not with me anymore. But love smells like poppies to me.
Hour
Since you died, an hour is an eternity for me…
Time has always fascinated me, especially the fact that it flows differently in different situations. An hour of hunting is a very long hour. Time passes much faster in battle. But the most fleeting is an hour with you. It flew by almost like a moment, leaving behind contentment and love in my soul. But you are no more, just as there is no passing hour. But the time of battle is faster for me now – I don't look around the crowd for ages, hoping to see you unharmed. And the hour of hunting stretches like a long day. But the longest hours of idleness, which I now have nothing to fill.
A whisper
Since you died, I don't whisper anymore.…
A whisper in my mind is the voice of love. A mother whispers affectionate words in her child's ear. Lovers exchange endearments in a whisper. They whisper to the deceased, the dying, the sick. All the most important things in the world are said in a whisper so that no one else will hear. You and I often whispered at night. About what? About everything in the world. You smiled at me softly and brightly, and it became clear that you love me as much as I love you. But you died, and I don't whisper anymore. I just can't.
Tickling
Since you died, no one has tickled me anymore.…
I'm ticklish. You opened it accidentally by nuzzling my stomach. I then burst out laughing out loud. You've been tickling me a lot since then. You said you liked to hear me laugh, and I laughed so rarely. You died, and I still, out of habit, sometimes roll over on my back and wait forever for your hand to touch my stomach.
Era
Since you died, your era in my life has ended…
Era is a beautiful, sonorous word. A word that gives majesty. The Decepticon era. The era of the first great Leaders. I wonder if I can say that in my life there was Razorbeast's era? It would definitely indicate the period of my existence in which you were next to me. Razorbeast's era. A time when I was really happy. It's just a pity that all eras are ending.
Youth
Since you died, I've been thinking more and more about youth…
Really? Was youth the reason for our love? Yours, which makes you attractive, and mine, which pushes me to rash actions? No. I'm sure not. I often imagine how you would look older. And it seems to me that you would have remained the same, except for the graying fur and trembling voice. You would still be smiling, radiating a gentle light of kindness. And you would still love me, I believe. Because there are no age limits for true love, and I know that our love is real. It is with me now, in my blood. It will be with me to death and on, on, until you and I melt into the misty air with the first snowflakes of winter.
I
I haven't lived since you died…
I left my body on earth, and with my soul, whose wings were clipped by your death, I strive to fly to heaven. To you. And no matter how many months flashed before my eyes, no matter how long I had to wait, no matter what separates us, I am sure that we will definitely meet. Because I love you, and if I love someone, it's forever. I will strive to meet you, regardless of distance, time and circumstances.