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“This is it...this is you breaking up with me.” Mickey stutters, noticing his own breath hitch against the words. Ian nods, his whole persona off and Mickey wasn't even sure if Ian was there. “Fuck.” Mickey muffles a hurt laugh, he can't just cut him off like this?
“So that's it, its fucking over, just like that?” Mickey shakes his head, noting that Ian had suddenly hit into silence. Stepping forward, he holds his ground at the bottom of the steps. “That's it?” Again, Ian doesn't reply and Mickey can feel his anger build up.
“After I give you fucking everything you just walk out like its fucking nothing?” Mickey shoves Ian in the chest, the tears brimming against the rim of his eyes. “For years you've been begging me to stick by your side, be someone that you knew I wasn't and I fucking became that for you – I worked hard to be the person needed me to be and you fucking shoved it right back into my face!”
Ian reminds silent, his lip quivers as Mickey spills out his heart on the porch steps. It wasn't meant to be like this, none of it was meant to be like this. Mickey moves into his space, looking up into Ian's eyes, his nose is flaring – his heart bashing against his chest. “You know what Gallagher-”
“Mickey-” Ian tries to breathe, tries to explain himself, but Mickey needs to say this, he needs to tell Gallagher everything if it meant staying.
The older boy whacks his hands against his sides, “I ain't being that fucking person anymore, that Mickey you wanted so badly, well right now he's gone!” It doesn't bother him any more that he's shouting their business, that was different too, he didn't give a shit what people thought. Leaning into Ian's space one more, he jabs the redhead in the chest. “Do you have any fucking idea how much it took me to say those words? Huh, you act as if you weren't begging me to say them for fucking years. What is wrong with you?”
“I do know how it feels. I do, do you think it was easy for me to break it off? To stand here and watch you tell me you love me and then I had to let you go.” Ian finally speaks up, his own hand jabbing his chest, like he wanted to hurt himself even more.
“You never had to let me go.” Mickey whispers, fiddling with the skin around his fingers. Ian Gallagher always made him nervous, but not like this, not to the point where he thought he couldn't breathe no more.
“Mick-” Ian tries again, just to be ignored by Mickey.
The brunette shakes his head, biting back the tears that threaten. “You've said enough, Ian.” He looks up and their gazes lock, this time he doesn't shout, he doesn't push Ian further away, because he wanted him closer, didn't he? “Don't give me that shit about you not needing me, you've needed me as much as I've needed you.”
Ian gulps, his hands finding themselves inside of his shirts sleeves. Mickey takes a step forward, his eyes growing red with the force of keeping it all in. “You know what, I don't give a shit if you don't need me, it isn't like anyone relied on me anyway, alright?” He shakes, the pressure of crumble resting on his shoulders, he had to make this work.
“What if I need you? Huh, are you forgetting all the shit that has happened to me, you, us? Stuff that we can fix together, I know you don't need to be fucking fixed, I haven't been trying to fix you, can't you see that?” Mickey rants, wiping his face against his arm, Ian tries to open his mouth but Mickey waves his head to shut him up. “I need you, Gallagher. All of you, all the bullshit, all the crazy, everything. But, I need you healthy, I need you being the person that I know you to be, because you deserve that, okay? You fucking deserve to be okay, for once. Why can't you see that, huh?”
Ian bites his lip, wiping away the escaping tear rolling down his cheek. “You know I can't go back to what I used to be.” His words nearly crack, because he had seen what the disorder would do, he saw how Monica wasn't really happy, she just thought she was.
“And neither can I. What makes you so sure that I can do any fucking better without you?” Mickey rubs at his forehead, trying to breathe but the air feels thicker, his teeth catch to his top lip, pulling at the skin.
Ian finally moves, his hands hesitating to me. In a whisper, he answers. “I just know.”
“Well you're fucking wrong, 'cause I'm staying. I'm staying here with you.” Mickey barks, opening his arms wide, just as Ian had previously done. “I'm going to clean your bullshit and I'm going to love you like I want to.” If Mickey wasn't feeling like he was currently high, he would say the weight on his shoulders had been lifted. Ian's frantically trying to calm, to wipe his face, Mickey steps forward and grabs his wrists.
“You can't just pawn me off and expect me not to come running back, I'll always come back and you fucking know that, its happened too many times before for you not to know that.” Mickey's tone is softer, his hands gently gripping Ian's wrists, his thumb pokes out, stroking against the soft,freckled skin.
Ian begins to protest, maybe even speak. Mickey warns him with a glare, “You try to tell me to go one more time, I'll punch you in the gut.” The redhead smirks at that, Mickey feels like he sees a glimpse of Ian, finally. “Listen to me asshole, and listen to me good. I fucking love you, I'm not going to stand here and let you chuck away what we fucking have – This,-” Mickey palms Ian's cheek, gesturing to the space between them.
“I'm in too fucking deep. If you think I'm leaving now you're dumber than I thought.”
Mickey swears he feels Ian crumble under his hands, in a matter of seconds the redhead is in his arms, face mashed into his shoulder as he shook out his cries. Running a hand through Ian's hair, Mickey lifts Ian's, tear-soaked, face up. “Lets go inside, yeah? We can even fucking cuddle, now that’s a offer that only comes once in a life-time.”
Ian's face splits into a grin. “Fucking sappy dick.” Through the whole conversation, Ian finally seems like Ian, and Mickey was going to make sure it stayed that way.