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“How on muggle earth have I been roped into organising a surprise birthday party for Valentina? Yes I know she’s my niece by marriage but she’s your blood relative so shouldn’t you be doing this?” Hermione mused, glancing towards Antonin.
“Hmmmm?” A lascivious smirk lined his face, clearly reminiscent of their activities from earlier which had involved Hermione’s arms being secured to the sides of the bed whilst he had driven her crazy with his tongue and fingers, “sorry Kotenok, you lost me at roped, maybe later after the party, da?”
“Oi, behave yourself, there’s children around and I won’t be the one having to explain to Irina, when her precious angels repeat something naughty that Uncle Ant said!” Hermione said with a blush creeping over her face.
Antonin laughed “Moyà lyubov, it was you that Irina asked to arrange Valentina’s surprise muggle magical birthday party, not me. Anyway, I have called in a favour and got you some help.”
Noises of squealing and ‘it’s unca Finn, aunty Pansy’ could be heard coming from the floo room. Raising an eyebrow towards him,“Thorfinn? He’s the help?” Antonin had the grace to look slightly sheepish at his wife, “Da Kotenok, but Pansy is here to supervise him”. Hermione sighed, “well you had better go and babysit Ivan the terrible toddler like you are meant to be doing, before they emotionally scar him and land us in hot water with Irina”.
She sent a mental prayer to Nimue, Morgana and Merlin that Pansy’s supervision of Thorfinn wouldn’t turn into one of their sexy role play sessions of dominatrix commands the party boy. It was bad enough that on their Saturday spa days Pansy had taken to regaling Hermione, Daphne, Ginny and Luna with the exploits of her triadic relationship with Thorfinn and Neville (who knew that wielding the sword of Gryffindor would bring out kinky Nev?!). However both Pansy and Finn together would make more work as Hermione was sure that they would get distracted with each other rather than the job at hand.
By three o’clock Hermione had had enough of Pansy and Thorfinn snogging their faces off, whilst she rearranged furniture so Valentina and her friends could play magical musical chairs and pin the tail on the unicorn, not pin the nose on the dark dictator as suggested by Finn.
“Ok, if you two can separate yourselves for 10 minutes to blow up the balloons and scatter them around the room that would be greatly appreciated. They are in a box in our bedroom. I’m going to make the party food, and no shagging in our room, in fact, just make that no shagging, period!”
Traipsing off to the Dolohov’s bedroom to grab the balloons as quickly as possible so they could resume their snogging, Pansy and Finn grabbed a box with презерватив (prezervativ) written on the side from the top of the dresser, not seeing a smaller box adjacent with the words Party balloons printed clearly on it and went to decorate the lounge where the party was being held.
“Oh Merlin, Hermione bought weird muggle balloons, why they need to be wrapped individually I don’t know and eww they feel a bit slimy and smell funny” Pansy whispered to Finn quietly so that Hermione wouldn’t hear and think that they were returning to the Pureblood indoctrinations of their upbringings “I suppose we had better blow them up the muggle way. Oh how odd, this one tastes of strawberries”.
Hermione was adding the finishing touches to the party food, when the sound of the floo alerted her and Antonin to the arrival of Valentina with her parents and her friends . “Quick, go and hide behind the sofa with Ivan, Pansy and Thorfinn, so you can jump out and surprise Valentina with ‘dnem rozhdeniya’, I’ll just finish off here”.
The sight that greeted Hermione on entering the living room made her drop the tray of party nibbles. In front of her there were six little witches and a toddler throwing blown up condoms to one another, Antonin, his sister and her husband Alexei were hysterically laughing whilst Pansy and Thorfinn looked on at the giggling trio in utter confusion. “Oh for Merlin’s sake I should have known that you two would haven’t listened to me properly” she chastised Pansy and Thorfinn, “They are not balloons, they are, they are, arrgh, I can’t do this” and ran out of the room.
Leaving Irina and Alexei to explain in hushed tones to the bewildered couple that they had, in fact, blown up muggle cock covers that prevent pregnancy and muggle STIs, instead of balloons, Antonin dashed after his mortified wife, wrapping her in a warm hug and cupping her beautiful heart shaped face in his hands he whispered “my Kotenok, what has got you so upset?”
“I so wanted this to be just right, to prove to myself I could do this because,”Hermione sniffled, “ because in seven months times it will be us who are the parents”. A tear of joy ran down the face of the wizard that could strike fear into the hearts of many, he smiled at his wife “oh Moyà lyubov, you will be the most brilliant mama to our children, and any chaos out there is down to the overgrown hormonally challenged teenagers that are our friends. Shall we go share our good news with them and let them know that at least we won’t be needing any condoms for a while?”