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Sighing and stretching his limbs after sitting down in class for over eight hours, Miyano listens to the teacher’s last announcement about homework as he packs up to leave campus. He checks his phone quickly and just as expected the first text is from Sasaki. However, Miyano squints when he realizes Sasaki didn’t text him to let him know he was waiting for him outside. As a matter of fact, the text says the opposite.
Sasaki: Sorry Myaa-chan! I got held up by something so I can’t be there to pick you up. Wanna meet up at your train stop and walk to your house from there?
Miyano: Sure. Was it the professor?
Sasaki: No, a classmate.
Miyano hummed at that. He assumed Sasaki was assigned a group project and had to stay back to make some plans with his classmates. He shrugged, slightly disappointed, before saying goodbye to Kuresawa and Tashiro as he took his leave.
He noticed that train rides alone were quite boring to him now. Before, he would doze off on the train because of how boring it was. But in the last two years, he became used to being awake since his tall, ginger partner would always be around to make the ride fun.
Miyano sighed, missing his boyfriend even if he knew they were about to meet up very soon.
The train came to a familiar stop and Miyano grabbed his things before walking out, eyes immediately falling onto the man sitting on one of the benches with his legs spread out. The sight caused his lips to form a smile almost instantly, the fluttering of his heart becoming more apparent as he walked closer to the figure.
“Senpai!” He called out, a bounce following each step he took. Sasaki looked up with bright eyes, mouth enlarging into a grin as he excitedly said, “Myaa-chan!” He stood up and walked towards Miyano, meeting the other halfway and embracing him when he was close enough. His tiny boyfriend let out an embarrassed noise at the action, which had him throwing his head back with laughter.
“Sorry, sorry,” Sasaki apologized in between chuckles before letting him go, “I just missed you a lot…” Miyano tried hiding his blushing cheeks by covering his face with his hands, but his voice still gave away how shy he was. “I missed you, too…” He whispered back softly.
They began to make their way towards Miyano’s house, talking about what they did that day as they went. Sasaki was telling him about what he had to do in his Literature class before something in the story caught his attention.
“You met a what?”
“Another fudanshi. Apparently, he was writing something based off of the characters of a BL manga he really liked. I didn’t know people made fan projects like that.”
Sasaki shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. And, to be fair, it wasn't. At least, it shouldn’t have been. But Miyano could feel a bitter taste form at the tip of his tongue when Sasaki spoke those words, an uncomfortable churn in his stomach making him want to grimace.
“Did you…talk with him about any BL…?”
“Hm…yeah, kinda. When he found out I’ve read some manga before, he went on a rant about a specific piece that you’ve lent me in the past, so I was able to actually give input. He reminded me of you a little.”
That last comment unexpectedly stung. Miyano could feel himself biting his lower lip to hold back a pout that was threatening to form. He knew what he was feeling and he was trying his damn best to keep it on the down-low.
Jealousy. What a classic.
Miyano cleared his throat and mumbled shamefully, “I’m glad you were able to…talk about BL with someone in your class.” Sasaki looked at him curiously, noticing the strange way he phrased his sentence. In the end, he decided to keep his mouth shut and not question it.
They walked in silence after that, Miyano’s grip on his bag tightening with every step. There was no need to be jealous. Sasaki was quite literally devoted to him, so of course Miyano would never actually doubt him. But the idea of Sasaki talking passionately about BL with another person made him feel…defeated. Upset. Irritated. Gloomy.
BL was a big part of how their relationship started, believe it or not. It’s something that allowed Sasaki to know him better and brought them closer by being an interest they shared. The idea of Sasaki doing their thing with anyone else was…embarrassingly heartbreaking.
The last time he had gotten jealous was a little before Sasaki graduated. Seeing a kiss mark on his boyfriend’s face definitely caused feelings of jealousy to arise, but his knowledge about BL helped him see through the situation. This time it’s no different. He might be jealous, but it’s all in his mind. The fudanshi probably has no interest in Sasaki and he knew Sasaki definitely has no interest in him. God, emotions could be so strange sometimes.
Forcing himself to bury those negative feelings to the deepest depths of his heart, he put on a smile and started a new conversation that had nothing to do with the last one. Sooner or later, he would have to get past his jealousy like he did last time. He wasn’t about to let those emotions ruin a lovely dinner with his boyfriend.
The next day, Sasaki texted him again saying he wouldn’t be there to pick him up. It was the same reason as last time. His classmate. The fudanshi. Those feelings he had buried yesterday started to swell up in his chest again, but before they could get out of hand, he took a deep breath and looked at the positives.
It won’t be long before Sasaki finishes his project. Once that’s over with, he’ll have more free time to come meet him after school and he won’t have to spend time with that fudanshi he met. He just had to be patient.
Then two weeks passed. Two whole weeks without Sasaki meeting Miyano after school. His mood had almost completely plummeted at this point and he was trying his best not to lose his total cool, but he felt even more resentful than he had before.
Laying his head on his desk and letting out a low grumble, he thought about how mortifyingly needy he was being. He hasn’t been apart from Sasaki for that long, but he’s gotten so used to seeing him daily that not seeing him for about half a month has left him yearning for his partner’s presence.
“Hey, I think Miyano’s dead,” He suddenly heard Tashiro say, probably to Kuresawa, “He hasn’t touched his manga at all today. Isn’t that weird?”
Miyano heard Kuresawa chuckle in a stoic manner, which let him know he was about to be read like a book. “Hmm…you’re right, Tashiro. I wonder if it has to do with Sasaki-senpai…?” He questioned, amusement clearly present in his voice. Miyano huffed at the way his friends were teasing him before sitting up, an embarrassed flush covering his features. He aggressively searched in his bag for a BL manga before saying, “I’m fine. See? I’m reading manga right now.”
“That’s a novel,” Tashiro and Kuresawa said at the same time.
Miyano wanted to punch something. He facepalmed and groaned, knowing his friends wouldn’t buy any excuse now. “Come on, what’s wrong? Did you and Sasaki-senpai have a fight?” Tashiro asked, tilting his head to the side like a puppy.
Miyano shook his head and sighed, “No, we’re not fighting.” Kuresawa grinned after that, a bit smug. He let out another amused cackle before stating, “Not fighting, yet you get defensive when we bring him up. Something happened and you’re jealous.” It wasn’t a question. It was a blunt statement. And worst of all? He was right on the money.
Damn Kuresawa and his amazing intuition. Miyano let out a small whine before stuffing his face in the novel he was holding. “…How did you know?” He asked weakly, shame getting worse with every passing second.
“I’ve memorized the signs from all the BL manga my girlfriend has.”
“Of course it was BL, ugh…”
Tashiro sighed, slightly exasperated, before mumbling quickly, “I don’t know anything about BL or romance, but if you’re so jealous, why don’t you just…talk to senpai…?” Miyano turned his head to face him, eyes wide and mortified.
“I can’t just tell him I’m jealous because he’s talking about BL with some guy in his class! The embarrassment would kill me,” He explained, shaking his head profusely, “while he’s busy working on an important project and has no choice but to spend time with the guy, I’m over here moping because I miss him and don’t want him doing our thing with anyone else.”
Tashiro and Kuresawa stared at Miyano in silence, taken aback by his sudden outburst. As if only just now realizing the words that came out of his mouth, he slowly felt the rush of blood go all the way to his ears. Kuresawa cleared his throat and nonchalantly said, “I knew you were jealous, but I didn’t know some possessiveness was also at play. Color me surprised.”
Miyano felt like he was being boiled alive. Slowly, he melted back onto the desk and hid his face from the world. “Shut up and leave me alone,” He muttered, eyesight blurry and heart beating quickly.
He heard his friends laugh at his half-hearted demand before the teacher announced that their next class would be starting in five minutes. His lunch break had gone to waste, his only thought for that entire period being on what to do next and how to confront his lover. He won’t be able to hide these feelings for much longer.
Miyano went home that day all by himself, still feeling a bit down. He told his friends he would die of shame if he opened up to his partner, but Tashiro made a good point. This whole situation would get resolved much faster if he was simply honest.
Just when he decided he should call Sasaki and ask him if he could spare some time to meet up so he could talk about his feelings, he saw his boyfriend standing in the distance. What a strange, lucky coincidence.
Warmth immediately flooded his chest and the world began to shine with color again. He skipped towards him, quickly getting close. The moment he opened his mouth to call out his lover’s name, he saw the tiniest glimpse of another person standing in front of him.
Miyano gripped his bag tightly and pursed his lips before he could get a word out, nearing his partner slowly now. He hadn’t seen the other person from far away because he was much shorter than Sasaki, a guy so tall he could be mistaken for a wall at times. An uncomfortable feeling swelled in his stomach, but he pushed through and greeted the two.
“Sasaki-senpai? I thought you were still on campus,” Miyano started, surprising his partner from behind. Sasaki turned around, a bit startled, before a toothy grin took over, eyes sparkling.
“Myaa-chan! I’m so glad you’re here!” He exclaimed, voice giddy and charming, “Meet my classmate Minoru. He’s the fudanshi I’ve told you about.” Ah, yes. The man who’s caused Miyano several headaches over the past few days.
“…Hello,” He whispered somewhat awkwardly. The other man’s face lit up, his shoulders shaking with…excitement?
“Hi! I’ve been wanting to meet you for the longest! Saki-chan has told me all about you,” Minoru said loudly, energy pulsing all around him. While his voice wasn’t necessarily annoying, Miyano still felt quite annoyed. It was probably because of the way Minoru called Sasaki by a cutesy nickname and the overall negative feelings he felt towards him at the moment. But, aside from that, he felt pleased. The fact that Sasaki had been talking about him with the fudanshi made him feel…prideful.
“H-Has he? Well, he’s brought you up a few times as well,” Miyano mumbled, eyes darting to stare up at his boyfriend. Sasaki smiled back at him, which had him ducking his head down. He noticed he felt more shy than usual and assumed it was because he hadn’t seen his partner in so long.
The sudden desire to kiss him came out of nowhere and he did his best to gulp down the urge. He would be lying if he said he didn’t miss the feeling of those sweet lips on his. If only he had found him alone…
A lighthearted giggle coming from Minoru broke the trance he was about to fall into. With an innocent tone, the silver-haired boy said, “Not surprised he brought me up! After all, we’ve been planning a date. Let me show you the stuff we’ve written down…”
Wait, what?
Miyano almost got whiplash from turning his head so quickly to look up at his boyfriend, who kept smiling from ear to ear as if what Minoru said didn’t surprise him. Miyano felt a wave of anxiety pass over him. He must have heard wrong, right? There was something he was missing, right?
Sasaki must have felt Miyano staring at him because he turned down to look at him. The grin that was once on his face faded instantly, eyebrows curving down and eyes wide with concern.
“What is it Myaa-chan? Do you feel unwell?” He asked worriedly, hand reaching out to cup Miyano’s face. He gasped when the cold hand touched his cheek and smacked it away almost instinctively, only realizing what he did after it was done. Sasaki’s eyes stared back at him, bewildered, shocked, and hurt.
The knot in his chest worsened with each passing second and the world began to turn. He couldn’t take it. Without looking back, he ran to who knows where. He didn’t want to be around them anymore. Every bit of sadness and anger that he had been holding back suddenly hit him like a truck.
He didn’t know how long he would run for. The sound of his footsteps and someone else’s in the distance was the only thing he could hear in the middle of the howling wind tickling his ears. His eyes stung, tears forming and slowly blurring his vision.
He didn’t doubt Sasaki. He genuinely didn’t. He knows he must have misunderstood the situation from his boyfriend’s nonchalant reaction to such a bizarre statement and his immediate confusion at seeing Miyano turning pale as a ghost.
But…he was still running. He just felt so, so stupid for being jealous and seeing things that weren’t actually there. He also felt guilty, the image of Sasaki’s heartbroken and confused expression after he shoved his affection aside already haunting him.
“…kazu! Yoshikazu! Wait!”
A voice grew louder around him as exhaustion caught up to him. His running slowed and he finally came to a full stop when a hand he recognized with the barest touch reached out and pulled on his wrist. The tears that had formed began to spill. With a shaking hand, he tried wiping them away before Sasaki could see them. This was so stupid. Was he really crying because he was jealous?
Just as he opened his mouth to apologize, he felt warm arms take him into an embrace. The sweet scent of freshly baked bread filled his nostrils, a smell so comforting and familiar to him that he immediately melted into the hold. He felt a kiss being placed on the crown of his head and a few more tears rolled down his flushed cheeks.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” He heard Sasaki whisper, voice a bit broken and desperate, “I’m such an idiot. That’s not what Minoru meant— he’s— we’re not— it isn’t like that between us, I swear…”
Miyano wrapped his arms around Sasaki and sighed wistfully, hugging him back tenderly. “I know, Shuumei-san…I’m not doubting you, I promise,” He said quietly, stuffing his face further into his lover’s shirt. It was like déjà vu. This situation was simply a worse version of the first time he showed signs of jealousy in front of his partner. A much worse version, seeing as crying was involved this time around.
Slowly, Sasaki moved his hand and placed gentle fingers under Miyano’s chin, softly turning his head upwards so he could see his face. His heart ached so much at the sight. Although the tears were now gone, his eyes were still puffy and red at the corners. His cheeks were also flushed bright and the remaining trails of waterworks barely began to dry. Sasaki felt like such an asshole.
“I’m so slow for not realizing sooner why you pushed me away and suddenly started running,” He said, voice regretful and sincere, “anyone would get the wrong idea if they randomly heard that...” Sasaki then leaned down and kissed Miyano’s forehead, begging for forgiveness with more than just his words.
Miyano shook his head, staring up at Sasaki with a serious expression. “I didn’t get the wrong idea, though. I know deep down that you would never cheat or date someone else while still being with me. That’s absurd,” He said confidently, looking directly into his boyfriend’s eyes, “my reaction wasn’t dramatic just because of what Minoru said. I—” Miyano bit his lower lip in shame, cheeks warming up all over again. This was finally his chance to be honest, as ashamed as he was to admit it all.
It was now or never.
“I’ve been so, so jealous ever since you first mentioned him. When you told me you talked about BL with him I became…irrationally upset,” He had to look away for a moment, embarrassment eating at his core, “and then you had to work on a group project with him, which only made me feel worse.”
Sasaki was silent, listening intently to every word that came out of Miyano’s mouth. He probably would’ve been chortling at the confession by now if he didn’t feel so guilty. However, he made his partner feel genuinely hurt and that’s not something he can just laugh off. He doesn’t care how silly the reason for Miyano’s pain may be or how elated he is every time he gets jealous; this time he felt almost nothing but regret.
“You were spending so much time with him and I was starting to get lonely without you around…” He sighed, turning his focus on Sasaki again. Expressing feelings was a challenge like no other. There was no way his blush could be getting worse, but Miyano somehow felt the heat even reach his nape. “And then I finally saw you today, but you were with him. He called you a cute nickname, said something about a date, and it just…all came crashing down suddenly, I guess,” Miyano whispered, a small frown on his face.
He felt Sasaki’s arms tighten around him, his face serious and determined. “I’m sorry for not noticing how upset you were in the past few weeks,” He apologized again for what felt like the hundredth time that day, “I’ll do my best to be a better boyfriend from now on. No more making you feel sad.”
A small smile formed from Sasaki’s lips, “I would be lying if I said you being jealous didn’t make me kinda happy. But I made you feel really hurt, and I can’t forgive myself for making you cry.” Miyano let out an embarrassed squeak.
“A-Anyways, please stop apologizing. Like I said, it isn’t your fault,” Miyano murmured, trying to move the conversation away from the fact that he cried, “I was also just being really dramatic and I’m sorry for that. I’ll be more honest from now on to clear up misunderstandings.”
Sasaki hummed, his usual grin finally on his face. Before Miyano could get another word out, he felt Sasaki’s lips press on his. At first he was taken aback, but slowly, he closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss. God, he had missed this so much. When they separated, he heard Sasaki whisper breathlessly against his lips, “I’ve been dying to kiss you so fucking bad.”
Miyano’s heart stuttered. It seemed he wasn’t the only one that had been needy the past two weeks. Though, for Sasaki, it’s not much of a surprise. After all, between the two of them, he’s always been the one to seek attention the most.
“Me too…also, I’m sorry for pushing your hand away earlier.”
“Nah, it’s okay. I get it.”
“Hmm…kiss me again?”
“Always…”
Sasaki leaned down once more and kissed the beauty mark under his eye, his eyelids, his cheeks, his nose, and finally his mouth again. The hand that was under his chin moved to curl around his nape and Miyano wrapped his arms tighter around his lover’s bigger frame, bringing them closer together.
“Love you,” Sasaki whispered in between kisses, voice full of adoration.
“I love you, too,” Miyano mumbled back, emotional and breathless.
Once they finally felt like they made up for some of the lost time, they walked back to where they left Minoru probably worried and confused. Hand in hand, they enjoyed the scenery together as they neared him.
When Minoru saw them, he immediately put his head down and bowed apologetically. “I am so sorry,” He said, covering his face with his hands, “that came out all wrong. I meant a double date! We’ve been planning a double date!”
Miyano’s eyes widened and suddenly a wave of excitement hit him as realization set in. While a double date sounded fun, the fact that it was a double date meant Minoru had to be taken. And if his partner was a man…
“Minoru-san, do you perhaps…have a boyfriend?” He asked, eyes now sparkling. The silver-haired man chuckled mischievously, rubbing his nose, “Why, yes! My boyfriend’s name is Jun. He’s the cutest thing on this planet.”
Miyano tried his best to hide his smile. He couldn’t believe he had been jealous of a guy with a boyfriend. This was pure fudanshi material, similarly to how he viewed Hirano and his ex-roommate. Getting to go on a date with Sasaki and seeing two other guys on a date at the same time? What more could he ask for?
“I see…well, I’m more than happy to join you and your partner on a double date with Shuumei-san,” Miyano said, feeling Sasaki’s fingers intertwine with his, “and I’m sorry for fleeing earlier. My emotions took over and I couldn’t control myself.”
Minoru flicked his hand and exclaimed, “No worries! I’d be jealous too if I heard my Jun making date plans with someone else. Actually, your reaction was quite adorable, Myaa-chan!” Miyano slightly flinched at the sound of Minoru calling him by a nickname he’s only ever heard Sasaki use for him. Before he could respectfully ask him to call him by his full name, he felt Sasaki’s grip on his hand tighten as he said with a possessive tone, “Don’t call him that.”
Miyano looked up to see Sasaki glaring daggers at the silver-haired man in front of them. “Sorry, sorry, my bad,” Minoru laughed, not very fazed, “I need to control the way I speak to others. I’m assuming Miyano-kun doesn’t want me calling you Saki-chan either, then?”
Miyano nodded slowly after a moment, blush spreading across his face, “Please…and thank you.” This man was clever. He may come off as oblivious at first, but he’s quite good at reading others. He knew Sasaki was being possessive at that moment and could sense how quickly Miyano became uncomfortable. This fudanshi was on another level…
“Alright! Well, enough acts of jealousy! Let’s get to the good stuff and plan some more,” Minoru said, taking out his phone again and showing Miyano the list of things he and Sasaki had already written down.
It seemed Sasaki wanted to surprise him with an aquarium date. As Miyano continued to listen to them ramble about their plans, his heart felt like bursting. Sasaki may have been away from him for about two weeks with school work, but it was clear he had been only thinking about him during his free time. To find out his boyfriend had been working on something just to make him happy made him feel more delighted than words could describe.
Miyano then turned his whole body to face his lover, standing on the tips of his toes and wrapping his arms around his neck before kissing him right on the lips. He didn’t care if Minoru was there. He didn’t care if they were in public. He didn’t care about any of it because Sasaki was right there with him, being the best partner he could ever ask for.