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Teyvat was at war. The League, consisting of Snezhnaya, Fontaine, and Liyue waged hostility towards the Legion; Mondstadt, Natlan, and Inazuma. Hundreds of thousands of civilians fled battleground states to reside in Sumeru, the only neutral country. Mondstadt and Inazuma enforced an unlawful genocide of Khaenri’ahns, burning the underground kingdom over the span of two years. But war was close to a million miles away from the small village of Dawn. Where a young man and his adoptive family resided.
Crepus Ragnvindr held the village together through wine and politics, the people knew he hated the war and despised the Decarabian’s Army and their way of achieving peace. Peace is not granted through war. Crepus affiliated himself with the Knights of Favonius, the Resistance group that strived and plotted against Decarabian’s schemes.
His sons, Diluc and Kaeya, twenty and eighteen, woke up every morning to tend to the orchards, take their lessons, and manage the tavern in the corner of the village. Dawn’s people needn’t worry about the fighting and bloodshed from the rest of Monstadt, the Knights and League soldiers protected the village from harm. The Dawn Winery served as a temporary Headquarters for the Knights of Favonius, they would discuss plans with the League, send out messages, and deliberate territories.
The boys would have the rare pleasure of sitting in and listening to their talks, complicated and discreet. They even eyed Diluc, muscular and strong in nature, asking him if he was interested in joining the League’s ranks for the greater cause.
Crepus gave Diluc his blessing and allowed the young man to train under them, in a year’s time, the red-haired heir was sent to the front lines against Decarabian’s Army.
The older Ragnvindr had to stay behind and keep watch over Dawn with the Knights, but he became sleepless, waiting for a letter or telegram from his biological son. Kaeya was just as torn. The brother he spent most his life with, moved on and gone, Barbatos knows when he’ll come back. He had to tend the orchard, take lessons, and manage the tavern himself. And he wasn’t privy to friends. He often kept to himself, the only person he would open up to was his dear brother.
Kaeya leaned on the counter of the tavern, the murmurs of conversation filled the room, a bard singing a tune. He read a newspaper that updated the village about the war and its whereabouts, learning that Mondstadt and the Legion were on the verge of losing the war, Snezhnaya taking multiple casualties just to create that turning point. It made his heart happy, and soon his village would no longer be under scrutiny by the Army. Because who knows when the League would fail and the Knights be destroyed by them. He prays for a day when it doesn't come.
And Diluc to come home safe.
Someone barged in through the door of the tavern, alive and well, a smile plastered on his face. He looked young, tall, and lean, wearing a Fatui military uniform. Kaeya has never seen him before, maybe a new deployment. The bluenet stands up straight and washes his hands in the sink behind him, and greets the soldier.
“Good afternoon,” he says, “what would you like to drink?”
He smirks and takes his seat on a barstool in front of the young man, “The strongest drink you have.” The ginger then winks and ruffles his hair, “Or whatever you like.”
“My preference may not be as strong as you think. But would you like it anyway?”
“Of course.” Kaeya grabs a glass from under the table and gets to work, mixing Dandelion wine and sparkling cider, not as efficient as Diluc would, but he gets the job done. He pours the drink into a glass and serves it to the bright-eyed bushy-tailed Snezhnayan. “One Death After Noon.”
The boy perks up and takes it merrily, taking a sip and marveling at the taste, “Death, you say?”
“It’s quite good.”
“Delicious. No wonder someone like you could recommend a gem like this.”
Kaeya smiles to himself, trying to ignore the fact that the boy sounded like he was flirting. Under the lights and the laughter, the soldier’s eyes gleamed and his bright orange hair glowed. He was quite enamored by the stranger, attractive and dashing in that uniform, yet Kaeya thought he looked like a mess, loose button up with his chest exposed tucked in black trousers.
The soldier appeared a second time a couple weeks later with a scar on his cheek but the same cheeky smile as if it were nothing. “I was hoping to see you again.”
The bluenet smiles to himself and greets him, “Hey. Same thing?”
He nods and Kaeya serves it in due time.
“My name is Ajax, but everybody calls me Childe.”
Kaeya looks at the boy and notices that this time, he wore a mask on the side of his head. His uniform is now adorned with medals and badges. He reads a name on a silver tag pinned on his breast pocket. “Tartaglia?”
“My Harbinger name.”
The young man widens his eyes and takes a step back from the Harbinger. The boy he was serving was a Harbinger.
“Don’t be afraid of me. I’m just here for a drink and your company.” He says, trying to get the bluenet to come back closer, “Plus, I’m quite literally the youngest. They send me everywhere despite not taking me as seriously as the Taritsa wills it.”
“Oh.”
“What’s your name?”
“Kaeya.”
“What a beautiful name.”
Childe would come and go; show up for a couple days, then disappear for a couple weeks. But Kaeya would be there in the tavern, as he always is at exactly 16:00. The Fatuu would fight in the front lines when his Majesty ordered him to, next to other League soldiers and the Resistance, get bloodied and bruised, but after he recuperated at Dawn’s Mobile Army Surgical Hospital, he would go directly to the tavern for a drink.
Kaeya was the only constant.
Soldiers and nurses and comrades would show up one minute and leave the next for who knows how long, but he always knew that Kaeya would be at the tavern, reading a book or newspaper or mixing a drink.
“Go out with me, will ya? I need to buy some bread and margarine.”
“I’m on duty.”
“It won’t take long.” Childe hummed.
Kaeya gave in and waved another barkeep down to take his place, disclosing that he would be with the soldier for a moment. They leave the tavern and the bluenet leads his partner down the village’s streets, stopping in front of fruit stands and fish shops, delicatessens and bakeries. Childe wandered inside the bakery, following his nose and the scent of fresh bread and pastries. A blonde girl stood behind the counter, waving eagerly at Kaeya.
“Kaeya! Nice to see you! Mommy wants to give you this,” she announces, heading into the kitchen. Emerging from the back, she struggles to put the gift on the counter because of her tiny legs and stubby arms. But alas, she steps on a stepstool and drops it in front of the young men and smiles. “On the house!”
He checks the paper bag and gasps, “You didn’t have to, Klee. Sugar and jam are heavily rationed. Where did your mother gather this?”
“Shhh!” She smiles again with white teeth. “Now what do you and Mr. Soldier want?”
“I’ll be more than happy with your sourdough, two loaves please, little lady,” Childe requests.
Klee hops off and grabs a pair of tongs and a paper bag, grabbing and dropping two loaves of bread into the bag and clumsily handing it to the soldier. “There you go, Mr. Soldier. Anything else?”
“You’ve been a great help today, but no I don’t need anything else.”
“500 Mora please!”
Childe digs in his uniform pocket and pulls out a more than generous amount. Klee looks at it and concludes that it was at least 2000 Mora extra and tries to give it back, saying that she cannot accept it unless he purchases something else.
“Keep it, little lady. The war works hard but your mother works harder,” he smiles at her, but she looks to Kaeya for help on what to say.
“Take it, Klee. He means well.”
She takes it reluctantly and stuffs it in her register, “Thank you, Mr. Soldier. Have a good day. Oh, and come again, Kaeya!”
They leave the bakery, Childe carrying his paper bag and looking over to what spoils Kaeya received. Kaeya pulls off the piece of the pastry and Childe watches as a trail of berry jam gets disconnected. He offers it to the soldier to which he takes it reluctantly, but feels honored nonetheless. Childe took a bite off of the pastry and his cheeks swelled, it was certainly sweet. Too sweet, but a luxury to eat.
They feast on the pastry together as they neared the delicatessen to find margarine because butter was also intensely rationed and rare to obtain. The Deli owner, a butcher from Springvale, greeted the bluenet and the ginger happily, offering jerky along with the margarine. The raw meat in the showcase was little in quantity and not enough for the citizens of Dawn, so Kaeya decided to skip out on purchasing them. Childe thanked the burly man and they went on their way.
Surely it didn’t help when the butcher seemed on edge with the Fatuu’s presence, nor the glances people stole when they passed by.
“Say, Kaeya, is there a place we could eat in this side of town?”
The young man thought of it for a moment before opening his mouth, he pointed to a corner where a woman stood. She used to work at a popular restaurant in the city before it became Decarabian territory, then she fled here because Sumeru was too far. “You can settle for a salad from her. Vegetables are in abundance here, along with fruits, but meats and beans are being sent by tons to the League soldiers. Dawn sends whatever it has to the League.”
“Do her salads contain meat in any way?”
“Shredded fowl.”
“Good enough,” he clasps his hands together and pulls Kaeya along, “It’s on me.”
Kaeya stops Childe in his tracks, “I should get back to the tavern. Perhaps we can meet when I’m released?”
The ginger shakes his head, “I can’t do that. I have to report back to my quarters on the other side of the village. And who knows when I’ll see you again, so… please have dinner with me? Surely you can spare another hour?”
“My father would be angry.”
He says nothing and brings the young man further. Childe orders smoked fowl, sacrificing the shredded fowl in the salad, but he could care less. He took this time to get to know Kaeya more, and Kaeya couldn’t help but feel closer to him. Ever since Diluc left, this soldier, a Harbinger nonetheless, slowly filled that void. But the void was not familial love or even platonic. The bluenet felt himself fall in love with the soldier.
Childe would visit again and again, inconsistently. Order a drink, give Kaeya a souvenir, converse about the front lines and the ginger’s own dying lust for war. The young man even asked the soldier about Diluc, if he had seen a redhead fight alongside him. Telegrams of his brother’s endeavors were not enough, he even showed a photo. Childe said that he hasn’t seen someone like him ever before.
Kaeya often finds himself staring into Childe’s oceanic eyes, letting his thoughts get the best of him. He wonders how it would feel to hold his hand, embrace him, feel his warmth, and wake up next to him. But Kaeya is still eighteen, and Childe, seventeen. Perhaps they were too young to fall in love or understand how it would feel like. Then Childe would leave. Then he would come back, and Kaeya would always be there, waiting for him.
War is not pretty. Not even on both sides. Not to the warriors, not to the civilians. But Childe was the only thing beautiful in this war. And Kaeya would always think of him. More than he does Diluc. Staring into the walls of the study with hazy eyes, Crepus almost thought that Kaeya was falling ill.
The soldier would flirt and ask him to take him somewhere in the village, and Kaeya saw it as love.
He didn’t see the Harbinger in a full year, and he started to worry that something dire happened to him. But he entered through that tavern door with his smile, wider than the first day they met.
“Kaeya,” Childe pages, “I found a girl in Snezhnaya.”
So that’s why he’s been gone.
Kaeya closes his newspaper and looks at him as if he’s been caught by a Decarabian soldier. “Oh.” The bluenet knows that he should be happy for him, but he couldn’t force himself to smile, or to feign excitement for him. He covers his frown with a hand and fights tears from falling down his cheeks. But alas, they fall unceremoniously from his eyes.
“Kaeya?” The Fatuu tries to console the young man, but he pulls away.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers and excuses himself from the counter, exiting out the door in the back and wiping his tears furiously.
They’re a year older than when they had met. Yet Kaeya finds himself crying like a little boy, the same way he cried when his father left him on the steps of Dawn Winery almost two decades ago. Crying like when Diluc deployed to Liyue. Crying as if he lost everything, but he looks up from his hands and wet sleeves to see Dawn carrying on. The world is still turning. The war is still raging.
He starts to run. Away from the tavern, away from the village. Into the disputed woods that separated the free from the enslaved. He keeps running, barely stopping to catch his breath. He didn’t want to see Childe anymore. He didn’t want to see anyone.
Kaeya makes up the excuse that he felt unwell to his father the next morning, to avoid seeing that ginger. And Crepus let him stay in the winery. He looks out the window, sighing out to the beautiful day. Teyvat still roared without him. Childe still lived and loved… without him.
He rolled back into bed and wished he didn’t feel this kind of pain. A bell tolling inside his heart, a pang or hurt that emerged from the depths of his chest. He could feel his heartstrings thinning, praying that at any moment they would break and he’d die in his sleep. Kaeya closed his eyes, feeling tears wet his pillow, pulling the sheets closer to him as he forced himself to fall back into slumber and dream. Dream of something that wasn’t Childe.
Kaeya woke up to an explosion, blaring in his ears and shaking the whole winery. He jumps out of bed and looks out the window. The bright blue skies were gone, replaced with a smoky gloom.
In the distance, he could see clouds of smoke emerging too close to comfort. He rubs his eyes to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating, but they were real.
Adelinde bursts in through his door to fetch him, urging him to put on a pair of trousers and take her hand; they had to evacuate the winery immediately. Crepus was downstairs ordering a group of Knights on a plan of attack. Attack ? Dawn is under… attack ?
His father notices the poor boy’s expression, rushing to him, taking off his coat and draping it over Kaeya’s shoulders. “Decarabian’s Army breached our front lines. Adelinde will take you into the village and evacuate everyone to the lake bordering Liyue. Climb every mountain, sail every sea, make sure you are safe along with the people.”
“Yes, father,” Kaeya turns to leave with Adelinde, no longer in her maid dress but instead hunting attire, “But what about you?”
He kisses his son on the forehead and hugs him close, “When this war started, I vowed to protect the people that fled to this village, and I will see to it. When you see Diluc, tell him that I love him dearly. Until we meet again, Kaeya.”
Adelinde takes Kaeya by the shoulders and escorts him out the winery, where a bundle of villagers await. She instructs the people to follow them to the lake, with reluctance but with trust, they follow Adelinde and Kaeya out to the border where the boats lay. From across the water, he sees Liyue’s side of the shore. But their trip was cut short.
Men and women in Decarabian combat uniforms surrounded the people, pointing their guns and startling the crowd. Instinctively, Kaeya tries to shield Adelinde as he puffs his chest out at one of the soldiers.
The soldier scoffs in disbelief, “A Khaenri’ahn?” He cocks his rifle and aims at the boy, but a stray bullet from afar hits the man through his helmet. Kaeya watches as his body falls to the ground ungracefully. The villagers and hidden Knights started to retaliate against the Decarabian soldiers and immediately, the bluenet gestures to women and children to board the boats first.
He takes a rifle from a dead soldier’s body and starts shooting the men attacking his people, but the Army keeps coming. Spilling hordes of blue uniforms as if they were the problem.
Leftover villagers rushed to the water and started to sail off as Kaeya instructed them to, staying behind with leftover Knights of Favonius and Leagues to finish off the rest. But he started to regret that decision. Too many Legion soldiers surrounded the area, aiming and shooting at the fleeing citizens. They started to retreat from the losing battle, but as he started to flee, someone grabbed his hand and ran beside him. He looks at the stranger.
Childe.
“Let’s go,” he ushered, pulling a boat to them and the remaining fighters. The ginger boarded first, holding out a hand to the bluenet and urging him to take it as Knights and Leagues hopped on, but Kaeya’s legs didn’t move. “Kaeya! Get in!”
He shook his head and stepped back, clutching the rifle he slung around his chest. Childe didn’t care, he’s just pretending… The Army closed in, but the boy didn’t care anymore; he only lost three of the most important people in his life. So he put his boot on the edge of the boat and pushed it off with great force, almost falling back. Along with the lake, it drifted away as he saw Childe yell his name, yet hesitate to chase after him.
Strong arms took hold of the young Khaenri’ahn, forcing him to his knees, aiming a pistol to his head and pulling the trigger.
Kaeya’s world faded to black.
Childe lamented as the boat paddled off. The boy’s body fell with no resistance, limp and bleeding on the shore. The ginger armed himself with his rifle and started to shoot the Decarabian soldiers scurrying near the water. The Knights and Leagues had to hold him down to prevent the Fatui from doing something stupid, but he tried to fight them. Kaeya’s body seemed to get smaller and smaller, further down the lake they traveled, and he wouldn’t remove his eyes off of him until he couldn’t see it anymore.
Ten Years Later
The war ended about six years ago, and Ajax decided it was time to pay the small village of Dawn a visit. He had heard that Crepus Ragnvindr had passed away in what was known as the Siege of Dawn. But the memory of an old friend haunted him ever since that day, cursing himself from running away, regretting his decision to not stay behind. Kaeya, an ordinary citizen, risked his life for the people who were supposed to protect him .
He crossed under the overarching cliff and entered the familiar shore of the Windwail Highland, seeing the Winery’s tall stature peeking in the horizon. Six years was a long time, but the atmosphere felt the same, peaceful and serene. The village is still alive and bustling just as it was during the war, before the attack. The layout changed, of course, and there were more stone carvings and decorations lining the outskirts of the village.
Who runs the winery now? Did Diluc ever make it back home? How did he take the death of his adopted brother?
In his hands, Ajax held a bouquet of calla lilies, recalling that Kaeya would always pick them when they visited the lake to fish during his shifts at the tavern. A twinge of sadness loomed over his head like the smog in the industrial parts of Snezhnaya when he remembered how Kaeya reacted when he told him that he fell in love.
How could he not have noticed it sooner? That the bluenet had loved him?
He has the urge to knock on the winery’s door as he slowly marched up the steps, but as his knuckles inched toward the wood, he turns away tersely, and scurries out the way he came. Ajax searches through the village, hoping to look for a small parish where Kaeya would have been buried, or maybe he was laid to rest in the city, a few hundred meters away. He looks down at the flowers in his hand and prays that they don’t wilt until he sees his grave.
Then the ginger passes a familiar tavern. Angel’s Share, was the name, a name he never bothered to notice nor read out back then. All he knew was that the blue haired boy who managed it always had a drink waiting for him. The building went through many renovations, adding a second floor and a balcony on the exterior, so he wondered how the bar would feel inside? Would he feel nostalgia or dread?
Ajax opens the tavern door and breathes in the fresh scent of fine wine, glancing at the counter to see… Kaeya?
Kaeya stopped wiping the countertop to stare at Ajax, a sense of bewilderment in his eyes. Wistfulness and anger.
The ginger approached the counter while the bluenet stepped back. The tavern, empty.
“We’re closed.”
“You’re alive.”
Kaeya purses his lips and knits his eyebrows together, “Get out. The tavern isn’t open.”
Just as he finished the sentence, a few merry members burst through the entrance door and called for Kaeya to serve them sparkling beer, taking their seats at the corner of the tavern. The man looks to the side and rolls his eyes, pulling out four jugs and dispensing them full of clear, golden, flizzling liquid. When he served the patrons, more started to spill in, and Ajax sighs to himself. Kaeya doesn't want to see him.
But instead of leaving, he waited until all the customers had been served.
“Now is the tavern open?”
Kaeya huffs in disdain and wipes a bead of sweat from his forehead, “What would you like to drink?”
“One Death After Noon, please.”
The man quietly gets to work, pouring the ingredients in a mixer, doing his thing, pouring the product into a similar glass from before, and serving it to him without another word.
“How are you this fine afternoon?”
No response, just an opening of a newspaper.
“Well, I’ve been quite fine, myself. I’ve traveled around Teyvat recently and decided to take this year to explore Mondstadt again.”
Ajax heard an audible sigh from the man before him.
“I’m happy to see you alive.”
Kaeya looks up at him and leans on his forearms, closer to the ginger, “I wish I wasn’t.”
~
Ajax found himself lying in the bed too comfortable for his own good, taking the hospitality from a couple that owned an inn behind the Winery. The cool Mondstadt air flowed through his window and gently hit his face, calmly rocking him to sleep, but Kaeya’s ominous words prevented his eyes from shutting. The Fatui had always embraced life as a gift, cherishing it even more after each battle, near death or just a scratch. But Kaeya, who faced death more directly than Ajax ever had before, wanted to throw it away.
What has happened over the years? Was it Crepus’s death? Did Diluc never arrive home? Or… was it him?
He sat up from his bed and gazed out the window, the streets of Dawn were empty except for the few cats and crystalflies. Crystalflies always wandered around Dawn Winery. Kaeya even caught one in his hands one day, beholding it to Ajax as he cupped it in darkness, shining like the sun.
He even gave him the core right after, and Ajax had lost it long ago.
Kaeya had loved him and he didn’t know.
A crystalfly floated right below his window, emanating a glow that could compete with the moon.
Ajax surrounded it with his hands, clasping it between his palms in one quick motion, opening his hands again to see a bright crystal core.
He would see Kaeya again, and he would give him the core. A gift to try to reconcile with him.
The next afternoon, Kaeya wasn’t even at the counter. Instead a broad-shouldered man with a high ponytail manned the bar, mixing drinks and pouring wine for customers. The new man took notice of the ginger and gestured to the stool in front of him. “Have a seat.”
Ajax reluctantly stepped forward and took a seat, a hand in his pocket, feeling the crystal core between his fingers, smooth and pristine- or maybe it was his sweat.
“Snezhnaya? I’ve been there,” the barkeep says, pulling out a glass and serving the ginger Dandelion wine despite not being asked for it. “You look rusty. Mondstadt’s signature.”
“Thank you…”
The redhead looks inquisitively at the ginger, “I don’t like drunks, so if you plan to stay here until you can’t form a single sentence, I suggest the tavern in the city. They could handle more rough-housing.”
Ajax grins and puts the glass to his lips, “I haven’t gotten drunk since the end of the war.”
“You’re a vet, too?”
He nods. “Active duty, though,” taking a sip, he let the sweet and bitter taste run down his throat. “Eleventh Harbinger, stationed here for moments at a time. Mostly sent down to Liyue.”
“Harbinger, eh? Never liked them. You guys are too unethical.”
“Tell me about it.”
They converse some more, the man getting cut off to complete orders, then resuming as if nothing happened. Getting along pretty well despite having met each other on the first day. It reminded him of when he first met Kaeya. Kaeya had more of a smooth and syrupy voice, this guy had a more nasal and commanding one.
“What brings you here to Mond? Memories?”
Ajax gathers Mora to pay his tab for the day, slapping it in a little pouch on the counter, “Yes. And I’m looking for someone. His name is Kaeya.”
“Ah, my brother. Well, he’s in the city at the moment, handling errands for the Knights of Favonius.”
”Knights of Favonius?”
“Yeah, that resistance group during the war effort. They overtook Decarabian’s Army after the Legion lost.” He explains, opening a newspaper, the same one that Kaeya touched. “Rebuilt Mondstadt, Kaeya joined. He was a long member even when I arrived. From being stationed in Natlan.”
The man stops the other in his tracks, “Brother? Are you… Diluc?”
Diluc shrugs, “That’s my name.”
“I remember. Because Kaeya… Kaeya showed me a picture of you. And he talked about you often; how he missed you and how he wished he joined you on the field. And how he cannot leave your father.”
“Loyal guy. Lost his eye in the Siege of Dawn. And I thought having a large scar on my side was bad enough. I had to meet him when he still had half his head bandaged.”
“Oh.”
“He’s fine. I guess the war changed him. He used to be so sweet, but he became more ill tempered than me over time.”
“Oh.”
Diluc cocks his eyebrow, noticing that Ajax spaced out, looking at a keg next to the sink, unfocused. He snaps his fingers, jolting him out of his thoughts. “He’s in the city; Favonius Headquarters. Look for him there. Last time I saw him, he was holding a bouquet full of calla lilies and I’m starting to suspect that it’s you.”
“Thank you, again, seriously. Um, my name is Ajax. People call me Childe.”
“ Tartaglia .”
He purses his lips and nods, leaving the tavern without a second thought. He thought that perhaps he should purchase a horse in order to get to the city before dark. Luckily, a friendly merchant sold him a brown, solid-shouldered mare, paying her thrice the amount she asked for. Just as she protested, he already mounted the horse and rode off.
Through the woods, he followed the road, spotting the city in the middle of Cider Lake, obscured by the thick trunks of the trees. He felt for the crystal core once more, confirming that it was safe.
He unmounts his horse at the wide open gates of the city, saluting the two guards watching over the entrance. The city was a bustling delight, even in the evening. If he thought the village was busy, then Mondstadt was several times more. He walked the horse to the nearest stable he could find, next to a blacksmith, securing the mare into a stall to rest as he ventured the rest of the city on foot in hopes to catch Kaeya.
Asking for directions from a woman dressed in red and cat fur, he climbs stairs upon flights of stairs just to find the goddamn building, unnoticeable unlike the cathedral at the apex of the city. The Favonius Headquarters looked homely unlike Zapolyarny Palace.
He enters the building, saluting the guards who reluctantly allowed a Fatuu to get by.
And there he was, Kaeya standing in his own, flashy Favonius uniform, leaning against a wall, conversing with a woman in knightly clothing and blonde hair.
The knight stands straight at the ginger’s presence, narrowing his eyes. The woman turns around and greets the stranger.
“Jean, Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius. To whom do we owe the pleasure to?” She holds out her hand politely as Kaeya crosses his arms.
Ajax shakes it, “Tartaglia, Eleventh of the Fatui Harbingers. But don’t worry, I’m here for leisure, not diplomacy.”
“Understood.” Jean turns around to Kaeya, only to see his back already turned and walking away. “Captain Kaeya?”
He doesn’t say a word, but instead continues walking.
“Captain?” Ajax asks, inquisitively.
“Our Cavalry Captain, diligent.”
“May I have a word with him?”
She nods, “Please, if he’s willing to see you.”
Ajax follows the Captain up another flight of stupid stairs, seeing him already close a door shut. He tiptoes down the hallway and stands in front of the looming door, hesitating to knock on simple wood once more, about to back away. But he planted his feet on the floor and knocked nonetheless.
Kaeya opens the door, already expecting that it was him.
“Come in, Ajax .”
Ajax’s tense shoulders dropped. Kaeya didn’t use Childe anymore. Just his real name, his unused, unwanted name.
“Sit if you’d like. Crawling all the way from Dawn to Mond to see me, looks like you have something important to say.”
The ginger preferred to stand as Kaeya sat down behind his desk, kicking his feet up and leaning back. He grabs an aluminum case from beside him and opens it, pulling out a cigarette, lighting it after he lets it rest on the edge of his lips.
“I don’t mean to bring up rotten memories, I just,” Ajax stumbled over his words, “I just missed you.”
Kaeya smiles, not believing a single word the soldier said, “Bullshit.”
“I know I upset you-“
”And then what? You expect me to say ‘oh shit, he’s fuckin’ sorry, lemme just, eh, make up with him,’ yeah?” Kaeya takes a puff of the cigarette and exhales it in front of Ajax, “You’re damn wrong. I never want to see you again.”
“You don’t mean that-”
“I do. I fucking do. You disappear from the tavern for almost a year then come back saying you’re infatuated. Well, it would have been damn nice to know that ahead of time, way before I worried for you, way before I fell for you.” Kaeya puts the butt to his mouth, “I sent you telegrams upon telegrams, directed at the Eleventh Harbinger, Tartaglia. No response, no telegram back, not even a letter. I even thought you were dead.
“The worst part is that I felt ecstatic to see you alive that day, to see you well and smiling, just to learn that you never had me in your thoughts. You were a parasite in my brain, I stayed up nights thinking about you! But you went out and found yourself someone when someone who actually loved you was someone you knew all along.
“So yeah, Ajax . I fucking wish I was fucking dead. Six feet under, just like my father. If only that bullet entered my brain instead of my eye.”
The Harbinger stood, dumbfounded, staring down the man he left years ago in the dark. Kaeya took a puff from the cigarette, letting the smoke dance around the office, wafting near Ajax’s nose. The smoke had a minty smell, which could mean that they were for medical use. For what? Pain?
Ajax could see tears forming at the edge of Kaeya’s eye as each minute passed on. The uncomfortable silence amplified the fact that Kaeya simply did not want to see Ajax. He wanted Ajax to leave, but there he stood, not uttering a single word.
Kaeya sniffles and rubs his nose, “Look, if you have nothing to say, get out.”
“‘Sorry’ won’t cut it, huh?”
“When has it ever?”
“I want to get to know you again. The new Kaeya. The changed Kaeya. The Cavalry Captain Kaeya,” Ajax speaks up. “Years have passed but I don’t think it means that we should end our friendship here.”
The bluenet rolls his eyes, “No.”
“Please.”
“It ended a whole decade ago. Get over it, Ajax. Go back to your family in Snezhnaya, your girlfriend. Heck, isn’t she your wife now?”
He fell quiet. “We. Separated… before the war ended.”
Kaeya scoffs at that, and revels in his smoke cloud as if Ajax wasn’t still there. “Get out before I start falling for your eyes again.”
The door slams shut behind the ginger, now feeling alone and exhausted. That Cavalry Captain built up too many walls too thick to break down, and it stressed Ajax out. He didn’t know he hurt Kaeya in such a way that it affected him in the long run. It’s amazing how one person can change another’s life single-handedly. But the war had a large influence. Maybe they were meant to meet and fall in love, but it was not at the right time. Not the right life .
The crystal core is still in his pocket.
~
“Captain Kaeya! Beautiful day, isn’t it?”
“Captain Kaeya, how have you been?”
“Looks like the sun shines for you, Sir Kaeya.”
“Nice uniform, autumn fashion?”
Ajax tries so hard to try to get the man into talking terms with him, because all these years, his haunting death (and as of recent, his haunting words) was the reason he ultimately came back to Dawn. To pay him the respect he deserved when he was alive, but now he is alive and he’s been living his life. But unhappily. He needed someone there for him.
Jean and Diluc are strong candidates, but somehow Ajax also wanted to be part of it.
He just missed Kaeya.
Each time he would bother the Cavalry Captain on his errands or breaks, the more helpless the effort felt. He would be ignored or downright rejected, the charming Ajax had never lost his spark in anyone’s eyes before, but the person he needed to catch on most was the one who refused to.
After a week, Ajax started to feel some sort of… feelings for Kaeya. Other than missing him dearly, just seeing the captain carry on with daily life made him feel a sense of longing for him. Some part of Ajax just wanted to carry on a conversation that lasts over the span of dinner. He just wanted Kaeya to see him again.
Then he felt it. That pang of hurt.
This must have been what Kaeya felt when he knew he cannot be with Ajax.
“I concede.” Ajax admits once he couldn’t take one more side eye from the bluenet. “I concede, Captain. I know. I now know how you feel.”
The man looks back at the ginger with an inquisitive look of disdain; his eyebrows knitting together and his eye visibly narrowing. “Whatever do you imply?”
“I know how abandoned you felt. All these years.”
He scoffs, “ Ten years of abandon and you feel how I felt in one week .”
“You see,” Ajax refutes, “I couldn’t stand a day without your presence for one simple week. I couldn’t imagine ten more years of it.”
“You’re being dramatic.” He starts to walk away, the clacking of his boots, heavy on the stone, unusual for his stealthy demeanor. He must not want company.
“Please, Kaeya!”
The captain pauses again, staring down the Harbinger. “It’s Sir Kaeya, to you now.”
“One chance.” The Fatuu was practically on his knees.
“You think that I don’t want to give you a chance?” The bluenet snaps, “Do you think that I haven’t been in love with you all this time? And now you come back? You are a parasite in the back of my brain, and not seeing you is the only thing that keeps me asleep each night. And now you’re back. Now the man that I’ve loved all these years is back. But I couldn’t forgive you for leaving me without notice nor update.”
“Kaeya…”
“Why didn’t you come back for me when I voluntarily stood my ground on the shore that day?”
“I…”
He sighs, “You don’t have to answer, Ajax. Just… meet me back at Angel’s Share tomorrow night. We’ll have a civilized conversation then. We are both not in the right mind to speak to each other right now.” This time, he actually leaves. His boot heels are no longer heavy on the pavement.
~
Kaeya sat in the far corner of the second floor of the tavern when Ajax finally found him. No need to order a drink, there was already a glass of the all-familiar Death After Noon waiting for him. The bluenet gestured for the ginger to sit down across from him. Not a word is exchanged between them, just the nightly atmosphere of the bar. Ajax’s hands start to get clammy the more Kaeya’s silence dragged on. He wanted to say something, like a greeting, but the man he used to always have an easy time talking to suddenly became the hardest.
The captain takes one sip of his drink and sets it down, staring into the wall across from him. “Good evening, Tartaglia.”
“Please, call me Childe again, Kaeya.”
All he does is nod and stare down Ajax as he too drinks his own glass. “I’ve thought about it.”
The Harbinger leans forward on the table, “About what?”
“About my feelings for you. This whole time, I’ve been dreaming of no one else but you,” he scoffs, “but the man of my dreams is a nightmare instead. But then again, nightmares are also dreams .”
“It shouldn’t have taken me this long to realize how you feel.”
Kaeya shakes his head and digs out a cigarette, lighting it how he always does, “At the same time, I should have gotten over you the moment I knew you were never coming back.”
They fall silent again as a bartender takes their empty glasses away and replaces them with another drink that the captain ordered ahead of time. The Fatuu is heavily infatuated with how beautiful Kaeya had become within ten years. Despite the missing eye, his hair certainly looked softer; his figure more lean and muscular. His voice changed too, deeper and more mature. Ajax felt his own voice stayed the same mischievous tone.
“Can we try?”
“Try what?”
“Being together.” Ajax holds his hands up to signal to Kaeya that he’d explain himself, “I know, you can’t forgive me for leaving you in the dark for all this time, but I want you to give me a chance. Those flowers I gave you the first day I came back were initially for your grave, but then I learned that you wished you were dead,
“But you shouldn’t wish for death. I’ve been in the face of death multiple times, but you are a man who doesn’t deserve it, nor should you want to die. Because if you did die, you wouldn’t see Diluc back alive. You wouldn’t have become the Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius.”
“Well if I couldn’t die by war, might as well die by enforcing the law,” Kaeya retorts.
The ginger bangs his fist on the table lightly, just enough to fend off the captain’s aloofness, “Please don’t say that. I realize my mistake, I was young, I was dumb, but you were too. You were far too young to die.”
“Kids died in that war at five years old, Ajax. That’s far too young. Plus you joined the Fatui at fourteen; and I didn’t forget . You were too young to even hold a rifle.”
“I was also too young to notice how you looked at me with eyes of longing. The way you would talk to me as if you knew me for all your life. The way you’d keep my gifts and give me things back. How you would risk your father’s anger just to hang out with me,” The ginger smiles solemnly, “I was far too young to realize that the person who actually loved me was someone I knew all along.”
“Did you love me, then ?”
He shrugged, “Feelings for other men were prohibited back then, so I didn’t know what to think. Times have changed, though.”
“Will you love me now ?”
“Of course I would.”
“Do you promise?”
Ajax digs in his pocket, finally feeling the glowing core hidden inside. He takes it out and lays it on the table, pushing it to Kaeya. The man looks down at it and takes it into his fingers, holding it up to the light. He then looks at Ajax for his answer. Climb every mountain, sail every sea, he never left Mondstadt in the slightest, but maybe that would change. “I promise, Kaeya.”
That Cavalry Captain makes the most enthralling noises as the Harbinger caressed his body so close as he pushed himself inside him, drawing out his warmth and his intimacy. They don’t speak, not even an uttering of a word, just low voices and hums as Kaeya allowed Ajax to take him. Only kisses long overdue and gentle touches filled the space in between, connected to each other through sex.
Kaeya felt elated in a way, finally feeling the embrace of someone he wanted for so long. He could feel himself tear up, but he never realized he was crying until Childe wiped away a tear on his cheek.
War is Hell, Hell is Hell, but out of the two, War is much worse. Because Hell only punishes those who deserve it while War takes the innocent too.