Chapter Text
- Timeline 1
NOVEMBER 2011
“I really don’t wanna go out, Payno. We’ve got classes tomorrow.” groaned loudly Louis and the other man laughed out loud.
They had been best friends for over 10 years by now, even before Liam had welcomed him into his family when Louis had found himself without one anymore.
(Sad story.)
One could say Liam was so used to his friend’s moods by now.
It was part of Louis’ charm, really.
“Come on! We’ll manage for class tomorrow, but pretty please. Finals are over and we’ve not gone out in ages , man. I miss it. I miss the booze, and the girls, and the party. And the girls. Louis,”their eyes locked. ” i really, really miss the girls.”
Louis rolled his eyes but it was incredibly fond.
“Then go by yourself and leave me the hell alone.” He still tried because he was nothing if not stubborn.
Liam groaned.
Time to change his strategy.
“Louis, you’re coming with me. End of discussion.”
Louis raised an eyebrow.
“You’re my roommate, not my father, you know.”
“Come onnnn.”
“Nope.”
The blond man tried something else.
(He really did want to go out.)
“COME ON." he raised an eyebrow, "For all you know, the love of your life will be at this party and you’ll thank me forever and ever. So much so that you’ll have to name your first born after me and all that shit.”
Louis laughed at how stupid the idea was.
And then he threw a cushion at Liam, for good measure.
“I am only 19, Liam – “20 next month, actually” said Liam which earned him another cushion, I have no intention of settling down. Love is not for me and you know it.”
He knew his story.
Knew Louis wouldn’t allow himself to fall in love.
Never.
Because to Louis, as far as he was concerned love always ended in heartbreak, always meant more problems than people could handle.
Life had taught him that the hard way.
(He had seen what «love» had done to his parents, thank you very much.)
Love had left him completely alone in this world at barely 17.
He wouldn't fall for it.
Liam chuckled sadly.
“It was worth a try. Pretty please?”
Louis groaned, he was losing this battle and he knew it.
“Why does it matter so much to you, anyway?” he whined.
A moment of silence.
“Sophie will be there.” blushed Liam and there it was, the real reason.
A girl.
Again.
But not any girl, this particular girl…
His best friend had been talking about her for weeks, which was very much not like him.
Louis sighed again.
God, Liam would be the end of him.
“Oh God.”
“I can’t go alone. She’s really special, I can feel it.”
“Payno…” he whined.
“I need my BFF.”
“No one has used that phrase since 2003.” Louis raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.
“Lou!”
“FINE.” groaned the dark haired boy, “Fine. I’ll come. But you owe me. I’m talking dish washing duties for two weeks.”
“Deal!”
“Garbage duties, too.”
“Deal and deal.”
“Laundry?” tried Louis but Liam only nodded,
“Anything you want!”
Louis sighed loudly, throwing his head back for a minute.
“You really do want to go, don’t you?”
“Please. I want it more than I want to be done with Uni.”
Louis groaned loudly.
He got up from the couch and walked to his room,
“I love you!” shouted Liam, smiling oh so brightly.
“Fuck off.” was the only answer he got.
Yep, thought Liam, chuckling to himself, same old Louis.
Harry looked around as Zayn was getting everything ready and he couldn’t quite explain why, but he had a feeling he should stay.
And that was a very strange feeling to have.
Like he should stay right where he was, or else he would somehow miss something important.
And if one thing...
Harry believed in signs.
“Are you alright, mate?” asked Zayn, waving his fingers in front of his eyes and Harry shook his head and smiled.
“Yep. Just thinking.”
“About?”
“Your party.”
Zayn raised an eyebrow,
“Harry Styles. It’s a school night.” The younger one rolled his eyes and Zayn continued, “Are you about to grace me with your presence?”
Harry laughed.
His cousin was having a party and he wouldn’t usually stay – seeing as he was 17 ( almost 18 though) and Zayn almost 20, but there was something about this night.
He couldn’t explain.
He felt like he had to stay.
Like it was where he was meant to be.
So he would stay.
Just to be sure.
(Sure of what, he had not bloody idea yet.)
“Yes.” said softly Harry, still lost. “Yes, I think I will.”
But he couldn’t explain why.
“You’ll have to ask your mother, first.” warned Zayn and Harry rolled his eyes. “You can roll your eyes at me little one, I’m not sitting through one of another famous Nicole’s rant!”
The younger one chuckled at that and picked out his phone.
(But not before he called Zayn a bloody coward.)
“Oh look! There’s Zayn!” exclaimed Liam and Louis sighed deeply,
They had been at the party for over two hours now, and it was boring – as Louis had said it would, but Liam seemed to be having the time of his life.
Actually, he seemed so happy there was actually something really suspicious about it all…
Louis was ready to bet it had something to do with alcohol.
And with Sophie.
Probably both.
“You’re way too happy.” he frowned and Liam chuckled. “And I really don’t know why I’m here.” grumbled the blue eyed man and Liam laughed again.
“Come on, live a little!”
“Payno, I swear to God-”
“Oh there’s Zayn over there!” he shouted happily again like he was seeing him for the first time, waving like he had not seen the other man in years. “Let’s go say hi!”
Louis groaned loudly.
They walked to the other man and Zayn smiled brightly, seeing them.
“Bro!” he said towards Liam, “It’s been ages!”
Liam laughed and hugged him.
Louis wondered briefly if Liam was already drunk.
(Yes, he was bored to hell and the only thing that kept him busy was watching over his best friend like a hawk.)
“Hi Lou, it’s been a while.”
“Quite a while.” said Louis, shaking his hand.
He liked Zayn, he was a nice guy who threw good parties.
They had spent high school together and had lost touch with Uni, but he liked him.
He had nothing against the bloke at all.
He just really didn’t want to be there tonight.
But before he could think of a way to escape now that Payno was no longer alone, Zayn talked again with animation.
(He looked just as drunk as Liam was, and Louis was really not patient enough to deal with both of them at the same time.)
"Well, now that you’re together I think I’ll-" Louis tried but Zayn talked above him.
“Boys, have you met my cousin?”
“Nope.” said Liam making his “p” pop, and yes, definitively drunk.
“H?” called Zayn and Louis, frowned slightly because really he was in no mood to meet new people.
Especially Zayn's cousin who he knew was still a senior in highschool, Louis had no time to lose with that kind of bullshit.
He didn’t like new persons.
Didn’t like people in high school.
Didn’t like people in general.
He heard someone behind them walked to their direction and sighed.
God he didn’t want to be there.
Liam glared at him, a warning to be nice in his eyes and he sighed again.
He just wanted to be home.
Alone.
God he wish he could be alone right now.
But he’d humor Payn, that was what friendship was.
So he turned around with the most unimpressed pout on his face.
But then he actually looked up.
And everything stopped.
Everything.
The time.
The world.
His heart.
Like he was in a bloody movie.
He didn’t even hear Zayn introducing them, didn’t hear Liam, didn’t hear the music…
All he could see was green eyes.
Green green green.
Green, wide eyes looking at him.
Everything.
Green.
All green.
Forever green from now on, he just knew it.
“Hi.” he said, voice hoarse like he had not used it in ages rather than seconds.
The younger man seemed as confused as him, but then he smiled and shit, cute dimples.
“I’m Harry.” he said, voice deep and delicious.
“Louis.”
They held hands to say hello.
Didn’t let go.
Couldn’t let go.
Would never let go again.
- Timeline 2
NOVEMBER 2021
“Happy anniversary of our first meeting, my love.” breathed a voice and Louis smiled, cuddling closer to his husband heart full of love, he nuzzled his neck tenderly and felt Harry’s hands stroking his own from where they were around his waist.
(Louis was always the big spoon.)
(That was how things had always been and how they would always be.)
He nuzzled closer at the thought of an eternity with the love of his entire life.
“Happy anniversary yourself, pretty boy.”
Harry chuckled.
They enjoyed the calm of this morning together, and then Harry spoke again.
(And God if Louis loved his husband, but the man really needed to shut up and let him sleep.)
“10 years."he said again and Louis hummed sleepily in answer, and then his husband added. "We aren’t getting any younger, are we?”
Louis’ heart warm.
10 years.
Who would have guessed he would end up where he was with the history he had?
It was a miracle.
Harry was his miracle.
Then he laid a sleepy kiss on the skin near his lips.
“Talk about yourself.” grumbled Louis instead. “Because now that you’ve mentioned it, I did see a few wrinkles and grey hair on you, H.” Harry gasped indignantly but he wasn’t done. “Maybe I should think of trading you for a younger model-”
But he couldn’t add more because suddenly he was pinned down against the bed by two very muscular arms.
“I wouldn’t let you do that even if you tried.” Harry murmured, nuzzling his nose and Louis was losing it.
He wanted to kiss him.
So badly.
(Most of his days were spent wanting to kiss Harry.)
But he wouldn’t back down.
Not that easily.
He huffed and Harry smirked,
“Besides, you’re older than me.” pouted the curly one.
“In age only. You’re the old man of us two, my love.”
The pet name always made Harry beam and it was no exception today.
And it had been 10 years today since the night they first met, but Louis always loved this flush he could create.
He traced the dimple on his cheeks, eyes lost for a few seconds.
And then it was enough, he cupped Harry’s cheeks and brought him down to him in a passionate kiss that escalated in something more and more passionate…
“Happy anniversary, indeed.” only panted Harry before kissing along the jaw of his husband.
“I just have a bad feeling about it, H.” breathed Louis but Harry only shook his head.
“Babe. Not now.”
He took Louis’ hands and intertwined their fingers, looking at him lovingly.
“It’s just-”
“I know. I’ve heard you the first time, and the time before that. And the one before that.”
Louis frowned and pouted slightly, making his husband laugh.
And then they ate quietly for a little while, eyes loving and smile tender.
But Louis had a bad feeling and it had everything to do with Harry’s new job.
How did he know?
Because it had started instantly the moment Harry told him he’d got a call and was leaving back to some foreign countries for weeks.
Something was off.
And yes, Louis had always hated to see his husband go and put himself at risk, but this time?
It felt different.
And he didn’t like it.
It felt like letting Harry go would change their lives forever, but in the baddest of way.
And Louis wasn’t ready to risk it.
He wasn’t ready to risk their happiness.
He wasn’t willing to risk Harry.
He’d be willing to do anything to preserve their love.
That was what he had been trying to make Harry see, but God if he was stubborn.
“Do you remember the night we met?” Harry asked out of nowhere and Louis couldn’t help the smile on his face.
“Vividly.”
And he did.
Love at first sight.
He didn’t even believe in that kind of shit before Harry.
Harry took his hand again, squeezing.
“When you turned around on that night with that awfully cute pout of yours –" Louis huffed indignantly at that part but Harry kept talking like nothing happened, "It was like my heart had stopped beating, like my ears had stopped hearing and my eyes had stopped seeing anything that wasn’t you. I didn’t even know you and suddenly you were everything and everywhere.”
Was it possible to love someone this much?
“I felt the same, H. All of it. I still do, you know that.”
They smiled at each other, eyes glassy.
“I knew that day that something was awaiting for me at that party, something I could just not let pass me by.”
Louis tilted his head,
His boy had a way with words, that was for sure.
“Thank God for that bloody party. And for bloody Payno, too. Thank God he is stubborn and basically forced me to go.” murmured Louis, making his husband laugh.
Harry took Louis’ hand and played with his fingers, frowning slightly.
“I often wondered what would have happened if, you know, I had chosen not to stay or Liam had not managed to convince you to come.”
Their eyes locked again,
“I would have found you anyway, Hazza.” murmured the older one, bringing his hand to his lips in a reverent kiss.
They were silent for a few seconds after that,
“10 years, babe.” murmured Harry, eyes so wonderfully green.
Louis tilted his head, a fond smile on his face.
“10 years. And I still love you as fiercely as I did the day we first kissed.”
Harry laughed,
"That was the night we met."
"I know." smirked the older one, proud of himself.
Harry opened the mouth but closed it, leaning in to steal a deep kiss.
They were both a bit breathless when they receded.
“God, you make leaving you so difficult.”
Louis chuckled.
“Kind of my point.”
Harry laughed softly and then took a deep breath.
He opened the mouth, closed it.
Again.
And again.
And again.
It was like whatever he was about to say, he couldn’t hold back anymore.
“I know you hate my job.” he blurted out.
“Babe-”
“Which is why I need to tell you something very important.”
Louis frowned slightly, curious.
It was important for Harry, he could see that much.
Which made him nervous.
And when Louis was nervous…
He turned to sarcasm.
He always had done.
(But Harry knew that.)
“Not a hidden lover, I hope? Because let me tell you that it would be terrible timing.”
Harry rolled his eyes fondly.
“Shut up.”
“Whatever you want, my love.”
“I’m trying to be serious here, Lou.”
“Oh, I didn’t gather that. You see-”
But Harry didn’t let him finish.
He groaned, cupped his cheeks and kissed him so very deeply that Louis was left breathless and a bit dizzy.
“You know that’s not fair.” he murmured and Harry nuzzled his nose tenderly,
He seemed really proud of himself suddenly.
“What I do know is that as long as I can make you lose your mind just by kissing you like that, I don’t think I have to worry about anything in my life.”
Louis chuckled, leaning in to steal another kiss.
“You never have to worry. Not about me. I love you. Always and forever. I thought we had covered that part 10 years ago when our eyes met and the entire world fucking stopped.”
They got lost on each other again for a few minutes, Harry stroking Louis’ skin softly.
“You’re a big sap, aren’t you.” he whispered adoringly,
“Only for you.” Louis got lost in his eyes,
Harry was still stroking his skin.
“This will be my last work as a war reporter.” said Harry so very softly that Louis almost thought he didn’t hear it. “After that, I’m done for good. No more mission. No more leaving you. No more danger. Ever.”
A silence.
“What?” breathed Louis, afraid he had misunderstood.
Afraid that if he ever spoke up, it would have been a dream.
His Harry?
With him?
Safe from harm?
For good?
He didn’t dare believe it.
Harry had been a war reporter for over 5 years by now, and each departure was harder than the one before.
The younger man took a deep breath.
“I wanted it to be a surprise, for our anniversary. I wanted to tell you after dinner. I had a whole speech prepared and everything but-”
“Harry-”
“But I can’t keep it in anymore. I can’t. I love you too much, you look too pretty tonight and-”
Louis cut him, leaning in and kissing him.
They receded and Harry opened the mouth, but Louis was faster.
“What the hell are you talking about?” he cut his ramblings.
“I love you.” the curly man shrugged like it was the answer to everything.
Louis chuckled with disbelief.
“Okay, so we’ve established that. I love you too. But that can’t be your answer to everything, Haz.”
The younger man smirked.
“But it is, though.”
“Harry!” exclaimed Louis, “I would never ask you to quit your job, no matter how much I hate it.”
Harry chuckled at that.
“I know.”
“Then why?”
Harry took his hand again and laid it against his lips for a few seconds, eyes locked onto the blue ones of his husband.
And then he talked, voice deliciously deep.
“The University called me a few weeks ago. It appears they are in need of a teacher in journalism, and they have always liked my job as a war reporter. They offered me the job, I said yes.”
Louis couldn’t quite comprehend everything happening.
He shook his head,
“Harry, you love your job.”
“I do.” he nodded. “But I love you more. And I’ve always wanted to teach at one point, you know that. This way we’ll be a household of teachers.” he chuckled, apparently quite pleased with his own wit.
“Hazza…”
And because Louis knew him so fucking well, he also knew there had to be a deeper reason.
Something Harry wasn’t sharing with him.
So he waited,
And sure enough, a delicious blush rose up on his husband’s cheeks.
“I want a family, with you. More than I want to keep doing my dream job. More than anything in this damn universe, actually.”
Louis’ eyes watered and that made him stop saying whatever he had been about to say.
Because he remembered.
A few weeks ago, after what Louis had thought would be Harry leaving him, they had talked so very shyly and so very softly about having kids together, starting a family for real.
They had not talked about it again up until just right now.
Louis had been starting to wonder if he had dreamt the whole thing.
“You were serious with that talk?” his voice barely over a whisper.
“Deadly so.” Harry blushed, “Weren’t you?”
“I… I want that too. More than anything in this bloody life. I want that more than I want England to win the Football World cup, I swear.”
(And yes, he was still trying to lighten the room, the conversation too intense.)
Harry chuckled and kissed his hand tenderly.
“So this is settled, then? We’ll get on the waiting list for adoption as soon as I’m back?”
Louis nodded, didn’t trust his voice to speak.
A tear rolled down Harry’s cheek and he wiped it tenderly.
“It could take years for a child to happen, you know.”
“I don’t care.” the younger man shook his head with passion, “I’m not going anywhere. Not anymore. I’ve got all the time in the world for you and our future child.”
Louis couldn’t take it anymore, this was too many emotions.
He got up and climbed on his husband’s lap kissing him again and again.
“Best anniversary ever.” he breathed between kisses and Harry laughed, kissing him harder.
A FEW DAYS LATER
This was it.
The dreaded moment.
Louis had tried to get Harry to stay by all means he could think of.
But it had not been enough.
They were now standing a few feet from that bloody plane that would take the love of his life away to some bloody-
“I’ll be alright.” smiled Harry, stroking his husband’s face tenderly.
But Louis was still frowning, his hands loosely wrapped around his waist.
“I just don’t like it. Something doesn’t feel right.”
“Lou…”
“I have a bad feeling about it all. Please, please don’t go.”
And it was not the first time he had begged Harry to stay, but this time had included a lot of tears and even some fights.
But Louis had been terrified, was still terrified.
Harry sighed deeply and cupped his cheeks, forcing him to look at him.
“It’s just a few weeks and then I’ll come back to you. Like I’ve always done.”
But Louis could feel nothing but dread.
This didn’t feel right.
It didn’t feel like it usually felt.
Something was wrong.
Something was so wrong.
“This country is at war. At war, H.”
“That’s kind of the whole point though, isn’t it? What kind of a terrible war reporter would I be if I avoided countries at war.” he chuckled.
But Louis didn’t want to laugh.
Not when he had that weight on his chest he couldn’t explain.
Like something bad was bound to happen.
Something horrible.
“I-” he started but the taller man stopped him, kissing him and as per usual, Louis got lost in the kiss and forgot what he was about to say. “God, I love your stupid face.”
Harry laughed at that, kissing him again.
“I love you too, more than anything.”
He receded slightly, his forehead leaning on his husband’s.
“You promise you’ll come back to me?”
“I do.”
“In one piece?” he raised an eyebrow.
Harry laughed.
“Okay.”
“Cool, I kinda like you, you know.”
“Cool.” chuckled Harry, leaning in for another kiss.
Nothing was said for the next few minutes, but Harry needed to light things up, he couldn’t leave like that.
So he added,
“I have a demand of my own.”
“Shoot, curly.”
He smiled at the old nickname.
“Don’t you dare fall in love with someone else while I’m gone.” he raised an eyebrow teasingly,
The older man chuckled,
His heart filling with warmth and love for his silly husband trying to make him laugh with his awful jokes.
God, he loved him.
“Can’t promise anything.” shrugged Louis. “You’re not that special, Styles. And I’m just that cute.”
Harry laughed and Louis managed a genuine smile at the sound.
“Shut the fuck up Tomlinson, and kiss me instead.”
“That can be arranged.”
They receded after yet another kiss but still held each other so close,
“And after that last one, it will be you and me forever.”
Louis closed his eyes, leaning his forehead on his husband’s.
“Forever.” he breathed.
Harry smiled, nuzzled his nose and kissed him again.
And then it was time to leave.
Time for their own ritual, then.
“I love you. More than anything. You know that, right?” asked Louis and Harry smiled so widely, dimples in full display.
“I know, my love.” he leant in, stealing another kiss. “I love you, too. You’re my whole world.” he whispered against his lips before he really had to leave.
Louis stayed and watched him until he got into his plane, watching as the love of his life turned around one last time and threw one of his bright smile at him, dimples in display for the whole world to see.
“I love you.” he mouthed and Harry smiled wider, blew him a kiss.
And then he was gone.
But Louis’ bad feeling wasn’t.
And sure, in the 5 years Harry had done this job, Louis had already felt bad, or worried.
But this wasn’t that.
It was dread.
Pure and simple dread.
Something was wrong.
Something was very wrong.
A week later.
Louis was having a coffee in the teacher lounge, thinking as usual about Harry.
Things were going alright, but his feeling wasn’t gone.
He counted the day till he would be back.
20.
20 days.
20 days and his love would be back to him.
20 days.
Louis took a deep breath.
He could do it.
Louis took out his phone and checked if he had any messages, nothing.
He smiled at the picture on his wall, Harry and himself doing silly faces and yes it was cheesy but yes he loved it.
(And yes, he would deny any of it under torture.)
They had texted a bit earlier, joking back and forth about the fact that Louis might not wait for Harry to come home and might instead find someone else.
And that worried him a bit, because it was like Harry was joking but somehow worried he could ever fall for somebody else.
And it was strange.
Louis huffed.
As if.
As if Harry wasn’t the love of his entire life, the only one for him, the-
“ Lou .” breathed a voice and Louis froze.
His first thought was: No.
He took his time turning around.
Because somehow,
His heart was beating too fast.
So he swallowed dryly, and then turned around slowly.
And he could swear the colors of the day were already duller.
But it was nothing compared to what was awaiting him.
Liam was there, pale as death and tears rolling down his cheeks.
And this voice…
He had known Liam for 15 years but had never heard his voice.
Broken.
Defeated.
Blank.
And then.
Then he knew.
It was all so clear.
His bad feeling.
He couldn’t explain how he knew, but he did.
He just did.
He knew life would never be the same.
And somewhere in the back of his mind, so clearly he could have cried, he heard the rich laugh of the man he loved.
(Like the echo of the life he knew he would never have again.)
“Harry?” he whispered in a broken voice, Liam only nodded more tears rolling down his cheeks and hands shaking;
And then Liam talked.
He talked of having wanted to be the one to tell Louis.
He talked about having ran all city hoping he’d get to Louis first.
And then he talked again.
And there was no coming back for what he said then.
He talked about terrorists claiming a huge attack on foreign lands earlier in the day.
He talked about Europeans been killed in said attack.
Not all bodies had been found but no survivors.
All dead.
Each one of them.
A few teachers, a few activists, a few soldiers.
And a few journalists.
One war reporter in particular.
Louis’ reporter.
Louis’ love.
Harry.
Louis’ Harry.
And then Louis dropped his mug – his favorite “best husband in the world” mug, and it broke in a million pieces at his feet.
Like his heart just did.
Like his life just did.
Blank.
Blank.
Blank.
“Louis?” asked Liam but Louis couldn’t hear.
Louis couldn’t hear.
He couldn’t see.
He couldn’t breathe.
He couldn’t live.
Not without Harry.
No.
No.
No.
No.
Not him.
Not Harry.
Not his Harry.
He could make out voices talking to him.
But they didn’t matter.
They weren’t Harry’s.
His Harry.
His Harry.
His husband.
The love of his life.
Harry.
Harry.
Harry.
Harry was everywhere.
Everything was Harry.
But Harry was no more.
Harry was gone.
And then…
Nothing.
- Timeline 3
5 years later, 2026
Louis got out of his classroom, searching for his keys.
“Have a nice weekend, Mr Tomlinson!” said a young voice and he turned around, gave a tired smile to one of his students.
Tired.
He was so tired.
Always so tired.
Had not felt alive in about five years, now.
Was surviving.
Because he had to.
Because that was what people did, even if they stopped living.
And Louis had.
Louis’ life had ended 5 years ago.
In a foreign country where the love of his life had been taken away from him in less time than it took to say it, taking all of his hopes and dreams with him.
“Thanks, you too Alice.”
And then he finally found his key, locked his door and left the building.
His phone buzzed and he frowned, taking it.
His wall was blank.
Nothing on it but dark.
Unknown: Still on for tonight?
Louis sighed sadly.
LT: Yes. See you later.
Unknown: can’t wait to see you. Missed you.
This time, the man frowned slightly.
This was new.
Tom was new.
Well not new per say, but still.
They had met a couple of years ago in a support group for people who lost their spouse.
Tom had lost his wife and kids in an awful car accident while he had been the one driving.
They had bonded quite quickly over their losses, a close friendship based on pain.
And then, a few months back during one particularly bad night …
Tom had kissed him.
And Louis didn’t push him away.
So there was that, now.
But Louis couldn’t give his heart again.
His heart belonged to one person.
(He suspected Tom’ did too, and that was why they got along well, they didn’t ask for things they weren’t able to give.)
So not really a relationship but not really nothing either.
It still felt so wrong.
Felt like he was cheating.
His heart squeezed so tightly he gasped.
No.
He couldn’t think about that.
Couldn’t think about him .
Not now.
He caught sight of the wedding ring he was still wearing and closed his blurry eyes.
He had come to know the pain would never leave him.
He opened the eyes and walked to his car, and then his phone rang again.
Maybe it was Tom.
He didn't want to answer.
(The one person he would want to call him never would again.)
Maybe Louis was actually trying to push him away because his heart belonged to only one person and he wanted no one else if he couldn’t have Harry.
This was all so complicated.
So Louis sighed again (all he seemed to do was sighing!) and took the call without even looking,
“Tom, yes we’re still seeing each other-”
“Mr Louis Tomlinson?”
He froze.
His heart started beating faster.
This wasn’t normal.
It felt formal.
Too formal.
No one so formal had talked to him since 5 years ago, when he had got that awful phone call after Liam told him the news that had changed the rest of his life.
“Yes?” he whispered.
“Am I talking to Mr Harry Styles’ husband?”
Oh God.
Oh God, an arrow in the heart might have hurt less.
Louis had to lean on his car not to fall.
His lungs closed up.
“Was.” he murmured so low, but he could feel his head dizzy. “I was, yes.”
He still had such a hard time saying it out loud.
Even after 5 years.
His therapist had told him recently that it was because facing the truth was too painful and that he was refusing to even talk about Harry in the past tense because that would make it too real.
She had told him he wouldn’t move on until he was ready to do so.
(Had accused him of not wanting to move on, because moving on meant letting Harry go.)
(Louis hated that she had seen right through him.)
She had also told him he had to force himself to speak in the past, so he was trying.
But it was awful.
Because he was his husband.
Would ever be.
No matter what.
Even death couldn’t tear them apart.
Past, present, futur.
It didn’t matter.
Harry Styles would always be the love of his life, for as long as he lived and breath and thus even if he only half-lived.
“Are you sitting down, sir?”
“Almost.” he breathed, legs trembling so much.
“You might want to sit down for this.”
And now he was worried.
Something was wrong.
Something was so wrong.
He couldn’t just put his finger on what it was.
“What is it? Tell me.”
“We don’t know how it happened.”
“Tell me!” he exclaimed loudly.
And then a silence.
Before finally...
“Mr Tomlinson, it appears that your husband is still alive.”
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Apart from green, oh so green eyes.
And curly hair.
Dimple smile.
Loving kisses and deep voice.
Happiness.
So much happiness.
Taken away in the blink of an eye.
And then…
And then he could hear the laugh of the man he would always love at the back of his mind, so clearly suddenly.
More clearly than he had in years.
And then awful, treacherous and dangerous…
Hope.
“What?” Louis whispered, trying not to drown in all the memories attacking him. “You’re wrong.” his voice broke. “My husband was killed 5 years ago!” and now he was a bit hysteric. “I went to his fucking funeral. I’ve been living with this fucking hole in my chest for years, I know he’s not here anymore. Stop fucking with me, mate!”
The man took a deep breath and said in a compassionate voice,
“Sir, Harry Styles has been found alive by the US army a month ago during one operation to rescue American hostages. I am sorry we have not been able to tell you before but he is brought back to England as we speak after procedure occurred and agreement was cleared.” Louis couldn’t breath. He couldn’t. He. Couldn’t. “Mr Tomlinson,” he said again so gently, “Your husband is alive.”
And then Louis’ legs gave up on him for good.