Chapter Text
Britta should have known, she have realized. The late period, the puking, the food aversions, the fatigue, the moodiness. Now here she was, with three positive pregnancy tests, her shitty laptop opened on nine different tabs on Google. They were ranging from Early signs of pregnancy, is abortion right for me?, and fetus development. She got up from her shabby couch and paced, biting her fingernails. She had done this in cycles; take pregnancy test, Google, sit down and wait for the test result, give up and start pacing, then check the result. But after three positives, Britta just knew. All the signs were pointing there, and she’s been subtly trying to ignore what she knew deep down.
And Jeff. What the hell was she going to tell Jeff? They weren’t exclusive, they were basically friends with benefits. Would she talk to him? It was easier to decide herself, well, maybe not. Britta couldn’t even decide what she wanted to do.
There was abortion. She was 6 weeks along. It would provide her the opportunity to figure out what she wanted, what degree, what career. But she could also feel guilt in choosing that. Would Jeff want that? She considered. She could see him wanting an abortion. She thought back to a few weeks earlier. “What are you doing? Get in there,” Jeff said.
“Me? Forget it, I'm the worst.”
“Well, that's a discussion for a different time. Britta, there is something in you that wants to take care of people so bad that you'll do it until you puke. That's what Shirley needs right now.”
“Are you saying I’ll be a good mom?” Britta remembered asking him wistfully.
“Heh, heh, what? No. Man, you will really force anything, won't you? Just get in there and force that baby out of Shirley,” Jeff replied, in his usual sarcastic asshole voice.
Britta sat there and thought about his words, how they stung now. She actually found herself tearing up.
But then there was a part of Britta that knew he would support her decision, whatever it was. A part of Britta that knew he wanted to be so different from his father. And what would that look like? Would there be custody ever other week or weekend? How would they finish school? Britta was well, financially incapacitated, and she wasn’t sure how she could afford a kid. What if she had to do it all alone? How would she afford the baby, the costs of childcare, the diapers? Oh Christ the diapers! Shirley had mentioned how they costed an arm and a leg these days.
So maybe abortion. But then that made her head spin, because she could imagine teaching her kid that values she held like a vice. And it had been good to help Shirley through childbirth. It had been empowering.
But there were so many things wrong with the world. War, inequality, climate change. She didn’t know if she could willing bring a child into the world with the suffering and injustice going on.
“Argh!” Britta said, finally sitting down, pulling at her hair.
Her cat looked over at her, finally climbing next to her as if to offer comfort. Britta pulled her cat into her lap and surprisingly the cat obliged. Her cat was usually distant. She pet him as she stressfully thought of her options.
A buzzing let her know she had received a text. It was from Jeff.
Hey, what’s up?