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«Memo, I have a cold,» Silvia de la Cruz told her son when he picked up the phone. She coughed, as if for emphasis.
«I’m sorry, Amá,» he said as he dusted Barry the Boar absently. «Is there anything I can do?»
«I was supposed to do my grocery shopping today, but I’m not feeling up to it. Would you bring me some soup?»
«Of course, Amá.» His bullishly self-sufficient mother didn’t usually ask for things unless she was truly doing poorly. «Are you okay?» he asked with concern. «Be honest.»
«I’ll be fine, Memo, I’m just feeling a little under the weather.»
«I can be there…» He looked at his watch. Still early, no rush hour. «…in a couple hours, if that would work?»
«Oh, no, no, it’s not a rush!» she said quickly. «I’m going to take a nap, and I’m sure that will knock me out for the rest of the afternoon. Could you stop by around 7? I’m sure I’ll be hungry by then.»
«Of course, Amá. Chicken noodle?» He knew it was her favorite when she was sick, and there was a great deli near the Staten Island house.
«You’re the best, mijo.»
«Love you too.»
When Guillermo woke Nandor at 5:30, just as the sun was beginning to dip at the horizon, he greeted him with, “Could we stop at my mom’s on our way tonight?”
He and Nandor had had plans to spend the night together, running errands (for Guillermo) and hunting (for Nandor). He had considered canceling and leaving a note, but that had gone badly in the past. As had calling the house after Nandor awoke (during the day was out of the question; he was the only one who checked the answering machine). And these days, he was very careful about how he handled these types of situations with Nandor.
They were together now, in a strange, tenuous way that Nandor refused to define further. They had cleared up the worst of their misunderstandings after returning to Staten Island, but there were still more difficult conversations to have, and they danced around them, trying to rediscover the ease with which they had once existed together, before those disastrous, illuminating trips abroad. All of Guillermo’s attempts to steer them in that direction had been met with resistance and distraction by Nandor. Usually in the form of groping, which was indeed very, very distracting. For now, he could live with that.
Nandor blinked at his question, almost owlish. “You want to see your human mother?” As if he had another kind.
“Just for a few minutes — she’s sick and asked me to bring her soup.” Guilllermo pointed to an insulated bag near the entrance to Nandor’s room, already containing the aforementioned soup. “She never asks me for anything like that, so I just want to make sure she’s okay.” He hoped Nandor didn’t hear the worry in his voice.
Because he was Nandor and because he had just woken up, he didn’t.
“Very well,” he said gravely, as if granting a significant favor. “I will allow it, as long as it is quick.” He held out his hand to be helped out of his coffin, and Guillermo took it.
“I have one more favor to ask.”
Nandor sighed dramatically, stepping over the edge. “So many requests and I am not even out of my coffin.”
He was now, but Guillermo wasn’t going to point that out.
“Can we fly? Otherwise we’ll be stuck in rush hour or on a bus. She’s in the Bronx.” Nandor didn’t need to know that Guillermo was counting on him to agree to this, otherwise he’d never make it in time.
“Ew.” His lip curled in distaste. “I do not wish to be trapped in one of the moving metal boxes. Everyone is so slow, and I do not like the honking. Like geese.”
“Yes, I kn—“
“I fucking hate geese.” Nandor continued as if Guillermo hadn’t begun to speak. “Hissy little shitheads.”
“Yes, Master,” Guillermo said as he got out the hairbrush. Calling the vampire consistently by his first name was still a strange thing to him, so he often avoided it. “Let’s get you ready to go.”
They landed in the Bronx at 6:52. Guillermo hoped the chilly atmosphere hadn’t counteracted the effects of the insulated bag, but in the worst case, she could always heat the soup up on the stove.
“So I’m going to go upstairs,” he told Nandor once he disengaged from their flight position. “Deliver the soup, chat for a few minutes, and then I’ll be back and we can go do what we need to do. Twenty minutes, max. Can you wait out here?”
“Where else would I go?” asked Nandor, his voice a touch petulant at the suggestion he might wander off, despite his history of Doing Just That. “I do not know the Box.”
“Bronx,” corrected Guillermo. “You’re in a mood tonight.”
“I am fine,” Nandor insisted.
“Are you hangry?”
“I am not hangry!”
“Just…don’t eat anyone, okay?” he asked. “I don’t want my mom to think people are going missing in her neighborhood.”
“Fine, I will just stand here and wait as if you are the big important vampire and I am the human.”
“Perfect, do that.” Yes, he was definitely hangry. Before Nandor could accuse him of not taking him seriously, he added, “I’ll be back as fast as I can, and then you can snack. Promise,” and headed into the building.
As he stepped into his mother’s apartment, Guillermo called, «Amá, I brought your—»
“MEMO!!” The shriek was not his mother’s.
He nearly dropped his insulated bag as Cecilia de la Cruz flung her arms around her cousin’s neck and loudly bussed him on the cheek.
Barely seconds later, they were joined in the entryway by Cecilia’s twin sister Miriam, who repeated the motion on his other cheek.
He couldn’t help but let out the joyful laugh that bubbled up within him. He hadn’t seen them in… too long , he mentally finished before he could do the math.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“You’re our birthday present!” Miriam announced as they disentangled.
“I’m your what?!” Guillermo laughed again, this time confused. “But your birthday isn’t until next week!” He had their birthday cards sitting on his bedside table, waiting for stamps.
«And would you have come,» asked a perfectly healthy Silvia de la Cruz, poking her head around the doorway, «if I had invited you over on the day?»
Guillermo fell silent and dropped his eyes. He wouldn’t have, of course — he would have seen the obvious trap and made excuses, just as he had been doing for the past 12 years.
Guillermo hadn’t been totally cut off from his family at any time during his tenure as a familiar and bodyguard, but he had kept his distance. Part of it, he told himself, was safety — he didn’t want any vampires following him for an easy meal — but he also knew that one day, when he was a vampire (on the days when he still wanted to be a vampire), he would leave them for good. It would be easier if he began practicing now, he had rationalized nearly 12 years ago. So he began to love his family at a distance, like a sailor on a trip far from home, always sailing a little further away (usually metaphorically, but after Laszlo’s stunt, literally). Silvia would never allow too much time between visits with her beloved son, but for his aunts and uncles and cousins, it became calls (first FaceTime, then voice calls, then texts) and birthday cards and “work is just so busy, I can’t get away.” He had too many secrets now, too many deaths on his conscience.
He hadn’t seen Cecilia and Miriam, who had spent so much time with him in their childhood that they were once almost like sisters to him, since their high school graduation, nearly seven years ago.
Instead of dwelling further on that and what it said about him, he moved forward into the kitchen to confront the agent of this subterfuge.
«I’m glad to see you’ve made a miraculous recovery, Amá,» he said as he handed her the bag. He kissed her cheek.
«I’m sorry if I worried you, mijo,» she said as she turned back to the stove and set the bag on the counter. «But now that you’re here, you can stay for dinner.» Guillermo noticed now that the drop-leaf table had been pulled back from the wall to accommodate extra chairs brought up from the storage unit. «Jesús and Sofia» — Cecilia and Miriam’s parents, his father’s brother and sister-in-law — «are here as well.»
As if properly cued, Jesús and Sofia de la Cruz emerged from the hallway to the bedroom and greeted Guillermo with enthusiasm. Part of him was so happy to see them again, met at port after so many years at sea, that he wanted to cry.
The rest of him knew that he couldn’t stay, not when his vampire sort-of-boyfriend was waiting for him downstairs.
“Amá—“
«No.» Silvia raised the spoon she was using with a ferocity that made Guillermo believe for a moment that she was going to hit him with it. «You are staying if I have to tie you down to a chair myself. You always do this, Memo, try to sneak away as if no one ever wants to see you.»
“If you leave, I’ll never forgive you!” The dramatic line was straight out of Cecilia’s childhood repertoire, and even though she was too old for it now, she had always threatened him that way. He worried that this time she might really mean it.
“It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with you,” he said quickly, “and it really is so, so good to see you, but I thought Amá was sick so I wasn’t planning to stay long anyway, and I have a friend downstairs waiting, he probably thought I’d be back by now, so I should really—“
“Bring him up!” That was Aunt Sofia, smiling in the easy, friendly way he remembered. “It will be a little tight around the table, but we’ll make room for him.”
“Yes, he can tell us all about your exciting life on Staten Island!” agreed Miriam. The unspoken charge, because you won’t.
I would rather stab myself in the foot with a stake, he thought, and immediately regretted the unkindness. It wasn’t their fault that they didn’t know what they were asking.
“If you don’t go down right now and get him,” Cecilia said, and Guillermo knew she wouldn’t repeat her previous threat, “I’ll do it myself.”
That was even worse. And she would, too - even as a child, Cecilia’s threats were never idle.
“Okay, fine!” he said quickly. “I’ll go get him.” When his cousins took a step towards the door, he held up a hand. “You stay here.” Pause. “I promise I’ll be back.” This time, he was the one to pull something from his childhood vocabulary. “Cross my heart.”
Taking the stairs two at a time, Guillermo tried to think about what he could tell his family about Nandor. Would they believe him if he said Nandor was mute and couldn’t talk? That his jaw had been wired shut and he couldn’t eat or drink or do more than grunt? That he had come to the country only recently and spoke no English, let alone Spanish?
He could hear in his own mind how ridiculous he was, but he was panicking. Nandor could be unpredictable. It was helpful in fights and in the bedroom (no, no, definitely not the time to think about that), but in conversation with his family? God help them.
He burst out the building front door into the cool evening air. Nandor had been surveying the street, but at the motion, his eyes immediately went to Guillermo.
“All finished?” he asked, his mood suddenly brightened. “Your mother is well?”
“My mother is fine,” Guillermo said, trying to fight the edge of hysteria he was feeling. “Like, literally. She was never sick and it turns out this was all a trick to get me to come to a family dinner.”
“And now you are done!” Nandor clapped his hands. “Very good, Guillermo. Let us go barter with Trader Joe.”
“No, it’s…dinner takes longer than that,” he said. It had been barely fifteen minutes since he had left Nandor outside. “I’m down here because you were invited to dinner too.” After a moment of silence, he added, “Human dinner. With my human family.”
Nandor’s eyebrows nearly hit his hairline. “And do they know…?”
“However you’re going to finish that sentence,” Guillermo said, “they do not, and you are not going to tell them. Now come inside before I drag you.”
As far as invitations inside went, it wasn’t his most polite, but to his surprise, Nandor didn’t clap back.
As they moved up the three flights of stairs, Guillermo gave Nandor a summary of what he was walking into with the efficiency of an army officer delivering a field report to his general. He was also sure to mention all of the topics that were off limits: vampirism, the existence of their romantic relationship (however Nandor wanted to define it), what exactly Guillermo had been doing for the past 12 years, the details of the past year, any specifics about anyone who lived in or visited their house…
“I’ll try to do most of the talking,” he finished. “Just smile and nod.”
As if to demonstrate, Nandor did just that, fangs glinting.
“Mouth closed smiling.”
“You are being very particular tonight, Guillermo,” Nandor huffed. “One would think I had never met a human before. I lived as one for a while, you know. Rather recently, too.”
Guillermo knew that far too well, and he didn’t even want to touch that topic tonight. “You’ve never met my family before tonight,” he corrected instead as they hit the landing before the entry into the hall. “I don’t want to freak them out. Okay?”
Nandor seemed to consider for a moment before responding. “O-a-kay.” He paused, thinking. “It would not be good manners of me to have to kill them.”
“If you do,” Guillermo said, “I’ll kill you .” He turned on his heel and continued into the hall.
“I was making the joke, Guillermo,” Nandor protested as he followed.
“I wasn’t.” He could not handle those kinds of jokes tonight; he was wound too tightly. He thought he heard Nandor quietly huff, “ Rude ,” but didn’t respond.
They were in front of the de la Cruz apartment door now. Guillermo took a deep breath and let his hand stroke Nandor’s cheek briefly, reassuring himself. Nandor’s eyes softened.
“Thank you for doing this,” he said as he twisted the knob. “You can come in.”
“See, I promised I’d be back,” he called as he entered. “And I brought my friend.” He gestured for Nandor to go in ahead of him so that he could close the door behind them.
“Hello,” Nandor called, moving forward. “It is very nice to— shit !”
Just as Nandor was about to enter the kitchen, a knife flew past the entryway and lodged itself into the wall opposite the refrigerator.
An inch closer would have taken off the tip of his nose.
“I’m so sorry!!” A frantic Jesús appeared in front of them. “I don’t know what happened! Just out of nowhere, I slipped! Are you okay?”
“I am unharmed,” said Nandor slowly. He threw a look over his shoulder at Guillermo, which he read as reproachful. Guillermo ignored him and pushed forward.
“Everyone, this is Nandor,” he announced, and waited for his world to fall down around his feet.
To his surprise, Silvia strode forward and took his hands in hers. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Nandor,” she said with a warm smile. “I’m Guillermo’s mother, Silvia.”
To his further surprise, Nandor made a courtly bow over her hand and brushed his lips over her knuckles. “The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. de la Cruz.”
Silvia gave her son a quizzical look over Nandor’s bent head, but to Guillermo’s relief, she was still smiling. He offered a helpless shrug.
At the table, his cousins giggled like they were twelve rather than a week short of twenty-five. Nandor straightened and smiled at them — closed-mouthed, Guillermo was relieved to see.
“Clones!” he exclaimed. “Like the Jurassic Park.”
“Like twins,” corrected Miriam, giving a look to her cousin that screamed WTF . “I’m Miriam, and this is Cecilia. We’re Memo’s cousins.”
“His favorite cousins,” specified Cecilia.
“It was remiss of Guillermo not to mention that he had such pretty cousins,” Nandor said, and the girls giggled again. Guillermo was gobsmacked. Nandor, who couldn’t even flirt with the Massive Fitness receptionist without intervention from multiple people, was now laying on charm almost effortlessly with his cousins. If it had penetrated his shock, he would have been jealous.
“If it makes you feel any better, he never told us he had such a good looking friend,” Cecilia said.
“Cecilia!” gasped her mother. “Guillermo’s friend has been here less than five minutes and you’re already embarrassing me.”
Cecilia looked over at Guillermo, and her smile was guileless.
Afraid to hear what would come out of Cecilia’s mouth next, he pivoted Nandor to his aunt and uncle. “And these are Cecilia and Miriam’s parents, my Aunt Sofia and Uncle Jesús.” He saw the small grimace Nandor made at the sound of his uncle’s name and hoped no one else caught it. It was accented differently from how Nandor usually heard it, of course, but apparently that didn’t change the effect on vampires.
Jesús held out his hand. Nandor stared at it for an awkward moment before Guillermo hissed, “Shake it.”
“If I had known I was coming,” Nandor said as he pumped Jesús’s hand, filling the silence, “I would have brought a piñata.” After a long pause from Jesús, he added, “For your breeding stock.” At the continued puzzled silence, he continued on, “Where I am from, it is rude not to bring a gift when visiting someone’s home, but Guillermo did not warn me that we would be stopping here.” Liar.
“And where are you from?” interrupted Cecilia curiously.
“The Middle East,” Guillermo said quickly, because the words Al-Quolindar would only create more questions. And Google searches.
“Sorry, is your name Nandor?”
“Yes, you are very rude, Guillermo!” Nandor chimed in. He was still shaking Jesús’s hand, not noticing Jesús politely trying to disengage. Guillermo tugged gently on his sleeve, and he got the hint.
If Nandor was teaming up with his cousins this early in the evening, he was screwed.
With the introductions complete, Silvia gestured for the de la Cruz children and Nandor to sit at the table while she turned back to the stove.
«Before you sit, Miriam, could you bring us the cilantro?» asked Sofia.
«It’s on the windowsill,» added Silvia, pointing behind the table.
“Coming right up!” Miriam reached back to the sill and grabbed a small pot with little wooden skewers sticking out, a small decorative fence.
As she turned to move into the kitchen, she tripped, and Nandor was directly in her path.
Or, more accurately, he was in the path of the pot and its makeshift fence—a dozen tiny stakes.
Before Nandor could be stabbed (Guillermo didn’t know how effective they would be, but he didn’t want to find out), Guillermo reached out and grabbed the pot from her unsteady hand. As he stepped toward the stove, he let Nandor catch his cousin.
“Oh!” exclaimed Miriam as she fell into Nandor’s arms. “I’m so sorry, I’m usually much better coordinated than this!”
“I am glad you did not fall,” Nandor said politely, helping her back on her feet. “I wouldn’t want anyone in Guilermo’s family to come to harm.” Guillermo suspected that that last comment was for his benefit. Instead of responding, he took the last step to his mother and handed her the cilantro.
«I didn’t even ask what you’re making,» he said as he peeked over her shoulder.
«Camarones al ajillo,» she said, thanking him with a peck on the cheek. «Miriam requested it. It’s almost done, go sit.»
Cursing silently to himself, he wondered if he should warn Nandor that one of the primary ingredients of tonight’s dinner was garlic, but the vampire was engaged in conversation with Cecilia and Miriam. Or rather, they had him cornered, one sitting on each side of him at the table, and he was looking uncomfortable.
“Come on, you don’t have any embarrassing stories about Guillermo?” asked Miriam.
“I don’t believe it!” exclaimed Cecilia. “You’ve been friends for how long, and you don’t have any funny stories!?”
“We have been friends for many years, but I am not a collector of silly stories,” Nandor explained, and then added, “even though Guillermo can be very silly, like the time he was watching Twilight with a ca—“
“Cat,” interrupted Guillermo, before Nandor could say ‘carcass’ and take the conversation down a path he didn’t want to touch with a ten-foot pole.
“I don’t get it,” Miriam said.
“I guess it’s funny if you consider Guillermo watching Twilight over Interview with a Vampire funny,” said Cecilia thoughtfully after a moment. “He was really obsessed with that movie when we were young. Used to dress up as that one guy and everything.”
Guillermo had to bite his tongue not to say Armand’s name.
“Yes, he has mentioned it once or twice,” Nandor said with a smile that Guillermo, slipping into the seat directly opposite him at the table, recognized as affectionate.
He hoped Miriam and Cecilia didn’t notice.
«Time to eat!» called Silvia as she and Sofia brought over two large platters. Jesús took a seat next to Miriam, while Sofia sat between her other daughter and Guillermo, and Silvia happily took the seat between her son and brother-in-law.
As everyone settled at the table, Nandor looked up and over Guillermo’s shoulder, and then back at his face, his eyes slightly narrowed. Guillermo realized that Nandor’s seat gave him a prime view of his mother’s portrait of the Virgin Mary. Oops.
«Let’s pray,» Sofia said, and held out her hands.
Cecilia immediately grabbed Nandor’s and almost just as quickly dropped it.
“Your hands are cold !” she exclaimed.
“Poor circulation,” offered Guillermo quickly; it was technically true.
“Oh, like what Tia Gloria has?” asked Miriam.
“Sort of.”
Jesús cleared his throat to cut off any further derailment.
“Sorry, Papa,” the sisters said, and Cecilia held out her hand again.
And then Guillermo saw it: her hands were loaded with silver rings. Probably not pure silver, maybe even plating, but certainly enough to make Nandor uncomfortable, and if they were particularly unlucky tonight, enough to burn him. He hadn’t seen it for himself, but he wondered if Nandor had pulled his hand away as quickly as Cecilia had pulled away hers, but for a very different reason.
He tried to give Nandor a reassuring look across the table, but the vampire was looking cautiously at Cecilia. So he took a risk.
As quickly and surreptitiously as possible, he moved his foot under the table and tapped Nandor’s boot toe with his shoe.
Nandor sat up straighter and looked at Guillermo as if his name had been called. Guillermo gave him a tiny nod.
Nandor pressed his lips together and took Cecilia and Miriam’s hands (Miriam’s thankfully ringless). As the rest of his family bowed their heads and began to pray, Guillermo kept his eyes open and locked with Nandor’s.
Objectively, Guillermo knew he had done a lot of things that were contrary to the Catholic church and its teachings, but somehow, maintaining eye contact with the unholy creature that he was sometimes sleeping with while he held hands with his praying family felt like one of the most transgressive. And yet, he didn’t feel any shame, just the need to make sure that Nandor, now clenching his jaw and looking visibly uncomfortable (though thankfully not smoking…yet), knew that Guillermo was there to make sure he would be safe.
“Amen.”
Nandor immediately let go of Cecilia’s hand and tucked it under the table. She looked at him curiously for a moment, but didn’t say anything, even though Guillermo knew her hand must have been more than a little warm at this point.
The plates were picked up for passing, and everyone began to serve themselves. Guillermo hadn’t discussed this part with Nandor ahead of time, but he hoped Nandor remembered back to their time in Atlantic City and would take something and push it around on his plate. Then again, the main course in Atlantic City hadn’t had garlic as a main ingredient.
His cousin Miriam, always polite, held the serving platter out to Nandor, and told him, “Go ahead.”
Nandor hesitated and leaned back in his chair, trying to avoid the rising aroma of the offending allium. Guillermo thought he saw Nandor’s eyes watering.
«Is your friend okay?» asked Silvia, also noticing Nandor’s discomfort.
“He, um, he has a seafood allergy, Amá,” Guillermo said, in English so Nandor could hear his own cover story.
Silvia’s hand went over her mouth, and Guillermo immediately realized he should have chosen something else. His mother was mortified at the idea that there was a mouth at her table she could not feed.
«Is there anything else I can give him?» she asked her son anxiously, rising from the table and looking at the refrigerator. «I’m sure I have something he can eat, maybe the soup you brought?»
Nandor couldn’t understand her words, but he seemed to understand her tone and meaning.
“You are very kind,” he said, letting Cecilia reach across him to take the platter with the shrimp from her sister, “but truly, but I am fine. I ate before I arrived.” He gave Guillermo a look that could be taken by the rest of the table as artless but Guillermo knew better. He was about to be thrown under the bus. “Guillermo did not warn me there would be food.”
Give me strength , Guillermo thought as he fought the urge to roll his eyes and truly kick Nandor under the table. He did not mind taking the blame in this scenario, but he knew Nandor was only doing it to wind him up as payback for the misadventure this evening was becoming. So instead he tapped Nandor’s boot again with his foot. Nandor looked at him with innocence.
“I’m sorry, Amá, it’s my fault,” he said gently, gesturing for his mother to take her seat.
«Will he be okay if we keep eating?»
“Yes, he’ll be fine.” He squeezed her hand for good measure and took the platter from Sofia. “This looks so good, Amá.”
Around the table, everyone chorused their agreement and continued to pass the food.
Another crisis averted, hopefully the last one.
“Silvia mentioned you might be bringing a camera crew with you tonight,” Jesús said as he speared a piece of shrimp.
“They took tonight off,” Guillermo replied. It had been a planned night off, and though they were always happy to come off-schedule for an especially exciting event, Guillermo had been careful not to mention anything about his plans for tonight when he confirmed filming for tomorrow with the producer. He was pretty sure they would have considered the possibility of Nandor meeting Guillermo’s mother to be an unmissable event, and this was stressful enough without putting it on film.
“What are they filming?” Sofia asked.
“I couldn’t remember,” explained Silvia to her son. “They were very nice when they were here, though. Very polite.”
“It’s a documentary about, um, multicultural households and the millennial housing crisis,” Guillermo told them, hoping this synced with what he had told his mother a year before, just in case she did remember later. “My roommates are from, like, four different countries.” And adding all of their ages together, Nandor, Nadja, Laszlo, and Colin Robinson were definitely at least a millennium old.
“And they just…follow you around?” asked Cecilia. “Isn’t that weird?”
Guillermo shrugged.
“You get used to it after a while.”
“Yes, it is like they are not even there most times,” agreed Nandor.
“Do you get filmed too?” asked Sofia.
“Of course! They are filming in our house.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you were roommates!”
“Yes, Guillermo moved in after he started working for me.”
“ And you’re his boss!” Sofia exclaimed with interest.
“He has worked for me for many years,” Nandor said. Guillermo was grateful that he didn’t give a number. He probably would have said something ridiculous, like fifty.
“Nandor is a politician,” Guillermo interrupted before anything that would be difficult to cover for could slip through. “He’s on the local council.”
That was mostly true, at least. Or at least it used to be.
“I enjoy helping my community,” Nandor said as if they had practiced this beforehand, “and Guillermo is an essential part of my success.”
Well, that was unexpected high praise, and definitely one he had never heard before. Guillermo smiled.
“What do you do, Memo?” asked Miriam.
“I’m his, um, campaign manager,” Guillermo said. “I started out years ago doing assistant stuff and worked my way up.”
“So not only are you friends, you also live together and work together,” observed Cecilia. “And you haven’t tried to kill each other yet?”
“We have tried a few times,” Nandor said, and looked slightly confused when everyone laughed.
Guillermo saw the opportunity to steer the conversation away from himself and Nandor and took it.
“Cece, Miriam, tell me about what you’ve been doing since I last saw you.”
The conversation was amiable, the food delicious, and Nandor looked like he was relaxing as the garlic disappeared from the table. Guillermo felt a little guilty eating garlic in front of Nandor, but he couldn’t not eat his mother’s food. Not only would it have been unspeakably rude, but he didn’t get home-cooked meals nearly often enough.
When he finished, he stood up and excused himself to the hallway bathroom, where he found the toothbrush he had forgotten the last time he was at his mother’s and brushed his teeth thoroughly, then followed up with mouthwash, and repeated the process. There. Now Nandor wouldn’t be able to complain about him having garlic breath, at least.
As he headed down the short hallway back to the group, he could hear Cecilia saying, “Come on, Nandor, give us a really funny story about Memo before he comes back.”
There was a pause, Nandor probably still trying to think of something.
“I know! Around two years ago, we were cleaning up after our orgy…”
He heard silverware hit a plate. Someone else coughed as if choking on water. Fuck .
If his mother’s apartment had been larger, with the danger of more time to lose, he would have sprinted into the room. Instead, he entered with feigned casualness and just enough time to see everyone staring at Nandor with huge eyes.
“Guillermo!” exclaimed Nandor, clearly not registering how he had shocked everyone. “I was just about to tell them about when you almost ruined the sofa.”
His family’s eyes all snapped to him. He had to think fast.
“Wait, are you talking about…game night?” Guillermo asked with exaggerated confusion. “The game night we had that Jeremy came to?” To his family, he added, “Sorry, it’s an inside joke — one of our roommates decided that ‘game night’ sounded too boring and he took it upon himself to give it the worst description possible.” The stunned silence continued. “It’s not really funny out of context,” he added lamely.
His family still did not speak. Valiantly, he carried on.
“So we were cleaning up after game night ,” Guillermo said as he took his seat. Nandor has intimated there was a story, and he was going to have to make it family-appropriate. “And another one of our roommates had gotten a chocolate fountain, so we could feel fancy while we played Monopoly.” He was making all of this up on the fly and hoped that Nandor wouldn’t interrupt or correct him about what was actually in the fountain. “Afterwards, when we were cleaning up, I slipped on something and dropped the fountain. There was chocolate everywhere. On the divan, on the rugs, on my sweater…I swear it took a week to get it all out. Chocolate fountains are banned in the house now.” And so were blood fountains.
“Guillermo is amazing at getting out stains,” added Nandor. “He can get blood out of nearly anything!”
“Nandor is really messy in the kitchen,” Guillermo jumped in before Nandor could add anything else to make that statement stranger. “He never really learned to slice away from his hands, so he’s had a few bad cuts.”
Quickly, he tapped Nandor’s boot again under the table.
But it was Miriam who shifted, suddenly confused.
Shit.
She must have noticed the change in his face, because she looked at Guillermo with wide eyes. Guillermo scratched his neck and looked the other way.
“I do not cook very much,” Nandor said. “What is the phrase? I can set liquid on fire?”
It was better that only the two of them knew how literal that was.
“I think you mean you can burn water,” Sofia said.
“Yes, that.”
The table laughed, and Guillermo relaxed slightly.
The ding of a text message rang out from Cecilia’s vicinity.
“No phones at the table!” said Jesús in a tone that indicated this was not a new problem with his daughters.
“Sorry, sorry,” Cecilia said, still clearly reading the text under the table. Guillermo saw Sofia reach for it, as if her daughter was still a teenager, but Cecilia quickly slipped the phone out of her mother’s reach. “I’m done, really.”
Maybe Guillermo was just being paranoid, but he could have sworn Cecilia sent a look to her sister.
He and Nandor needed to consider making their exit.
Before he could say anything, though, there was a knock at the door.
“Oh!” exclaimed Silvia, rising from the table. “It’s our final guest.”
“You invited someone else?” Guillermo asked.
“This was a surprise for you, Memo,” his mother said as she headed to the door. “Your Tio Arturo is here for coffee.”
Arturo was his mother’s older brother. Growing up, he had been Guillermo’s favorite uncle, and they hadn’t seen one another in five years, at one of his few and far between visits to his mother’s house. He smiled and turned in his chair toward the entryway.
“Guillermooooo!” Arturo called as he entered the apartment. “I’ve miss—“ He froze mid-word, his eyes going past Guillermo to the guest on the other side of the table. “ You .” The word was dripping with venom.
“What?” Guillermo turned back to face Nandor, who suddenly looked coiled like a spring, lips curling, ready to bare fangs and hiss, and then he heard his uncle.
«SPAWN OF HELL!»
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Uncle Arturo moving, and his slayer/bodyguard instincts told him that he had to act quickly.
So with a cry of “DOWN!” he launched himself across the small table and knocked Nandor onto his back, chair and all. His momentum caused them to overbalance and as they hit the floor, the seat and legs of the chair continued upward before tumbling onto Guillermo’s shoulder. Gently moving it to the side (his mother would not appreciate any further abuse to one of her chairs, he knew), he saw the tip of a stake poking through the now-splintered seat.
Chaos erupted.
Everyone seemed to be yelling at once as Guillermo got back to his feet and took a defensive stance in front of Nandor. Arturo was in an offensive position on the other side of the table, brandishing a crucifix in one hand and what looked like a silver dagger in the other. Behind him, he could hear Nandor hissing. He reached behind him and grabbed onto Nandor’s shirt, hoping Nandor would realize that this was his attempt to keep him in place, away from his uncle, and not foreplay.
«Memo, what are you doing!?»
«Not Guillermo, it’s Arturo who’s lost his mind!»
«That was my chair!»
«What in heaven’s name are you thinking, Arturo!?»
«What am I thinking?! WHAT AM I THINKING!?»
«It’s part of a set!»
«You can’t kill Memo’s boyfriend!»
It was one of those perfect moments of silence created for maximizing embarrassing statements, and Miriam had filled it in the worst possible way.
Guillermo was sure all the blood had drained from his face. In that moment he was thankful that Nandor didn’t know Spanish.
Uncle Arturo somehow made it worse when he snapped back, «I’ll kill ANY vampire that threatens my family!»
Now Nandor stiffened behind him. Even he could recognize the word “vampiro.”
“I am a regular human man?” he tried to offer, awkward and stilted. Guillermo pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. The first revelation had been bad enough, but now this on top of it? And all of this after having to explain away an orgy joke to his family? He wanted the earth to split and swallow him up. But he was spared from further reflection on the implications of these revelations when Nandor added after a pause as everyone stared at him, “I do not know this crazy man, and he definitely did not try to kill me in 1987.”
Guillermo whipped around to face Nandor. “ What ?” And then back to Arturo, “WHAT?” Arturo wasn’t even a de la Cruz. There was no way…was there?
Before either could respond to him, Silvia intervened.
«Turo,» she said sternly as Guillermo reeled with the knowledge that vampire slaying might not be limited to the de la Cruz side of thefamily. «You are my brother and I love you, but if you threaten our guest — yes, guest — again, I will make you leave, and I know you don’t want to do that when it’s been so long since you’ve seen your favorite nephew.» She held out her hand. «Put the crucifix back under your shirt and give me your silver dagger.»
Guillermo’s eyes were still fixed on Uncle Arturo, whose eyes were darting between his sister and the perceived interloper in her apartment.
«Silvia, I need —»
«You do not need a silver dagger to sit in the living room and have coffee with family.» Guillermo recognized this tone from growing up, warm and firm, a fist hidden under a velvet glove. Her hand was still outstretched, and she wiggled her fingers. “Come on. Everyone will behave themselves, won’t they?” That last question, in English, was directed at Guillermo and Nandor.
“Si, Amá,” said Guillermo. Nandor didn’t respond. Guillermo elbowed him sharply in the side, and he yelped.
“Ow! That hurt, Guillermo!”
“I’ll make sure he behaves.”
Arturo put the hilt of the knife in her hand. Silvia, with more ease than Guillermo liked, tucked the blade into the back pocket of her jeans.
Sofia had offered to handle cleaning up dinner. «I don’t think I’ll be much use in this conversation,» she said gently to her sister-in-law, and then added with a twinkle of mischief that Guillermo recognized from her daughters, «and besides, I can hear everything from where I am now, so Jesús won’t have to fill me in later.»
She also brought them coffee in the living room, where Guillermo and Nandor had been placed on the small couch; there was a hand’s breadth of room between their shoulders and thighs, and his mind hysterically supplied “room for the Holy Spirit.” Cecilia and Miriam shared a sagging armchair that had been Guillermo’s father’s favorite while he had been alive. Jesús, Silvia, and Arturo were sitting on some of the surviving high-backed chairs dragged over from the table.
Despite the truce established by Silvia, Arturo’s eyes had not left Nandor. He barely even blinked. Guillermo tried to offer his uncle a reassuring smile, but in response, the other man took out another stake from under his coat and began to sharpen it with another, shorter silver dagger, taken from his belt. It seemed that, like Guillermo, he always had a backup when needed.
This was not going to be an easy conversation, and of the two topics that were on the table, he wasn’t sure which he dreaded more.
“So,” Silvia began after taking a sip from her mug. “I do not think any of us expected tonight to go the way it has.”
That seemed to be enough to get Arturo going again.
«Silvia, you invited a vampire into your house!»
“English for our guest, please,” Silvia replied, and Arturo clearly fumed.
“You invited a vampire into your home!” he repeated, still venomous.
“Technically, Memo invited him in,” Jesús said, and Silvia sent a quelling glance to her brother-in-law.
“As if I would deny entry to anyone my son brought home with him!” she declared.
“But he’s a vampire!”
“He’s dating my son!”
Hearing it so directly from his mother’s mouth was different from hearing it from his cousin or his uncle. Nandor stiffened beside him. Guillermo had almost forgotten that Miriam’s initial declaration had been in Spanish.
“Amá…” he began carefully. She turned to face him, her smile gentle. “You knew?”
“Which part, mijo?”
He paused, unsure which he meant himself.
“Oh my God, Memo,” Cecilia interrupted with a dramatic eye roll that Guilllermo remembered clearly from when he was a teenager tasked with babysitting two unruly tweens. “Stop being dramatic. No one cares you have a boyfriend.”
Miriam added, “Gabriella” — that was one of their other cousins, the daughter of Guillermo’s father’s sister — “has been bringing boyfriends and girlfriends to family parties for the past five years—“
“—which you would know if you ever bothered to show up!” finished her sister.
“Can you not guilt me about that right now?” Guillermo snapped. He glanced briefly at Nandor, whose eyes were intent on Guillermo. He seemed to recognize this was a conversation Guillermo needed to lead and any contributions from him might do more harm than good. “Amá…” he said again, his heart in his throat, “you knew?”
“Yes,” she said, and came across the room to kiss him on the forehead. He sagged into the couch with relief. «But I don’t think that you want to have this conversation in front of everyone.” She returned to her chair, both hands wrapped around her coffee cup again. “You’ll just have to come back another day for a long visit, only the two of us,” she told him, and Guillermo nodded in response. He could do that.
“You’re definitely the first one to bring a vampire to meet the family, though,” Miriam mused once Silvia was sipping from her mug. “For a vampire hunter family, that’s a scandal.”
“How do you even know about vampires and vampire hunters?!”
It was Cecilia who chimed in now.
“He—“ She pointed to Nandor. “—walks in looking like a Game of Thrones character and you expect us not to clock him as a vampire right away?”
“Guillermo, what is a Game of Thrones?” Nandor whispered.
“It’s a tv show,” Guillermo whispered back. “We can watch it later.” He hoped Nandor didn’t hold him to this, because even though he knew Nandor would like the horses, Guillermo had already seen it and knew it was dire by the end. To Cecilia, he said, “You did not.”
“I did, I swear to God!”
Nandor hissed and Jesús rebuked his daughter for taking the Lord’s name in vain. Guillermo couldn’t help but smile at that.
“The pointy teeth and hissing gave him away,” said Miriam, giving her sister a gentle shove. “Plus Arturo calling him ‘spawn of hell’ and throwing a stake at him.”
“I didn’t call you any rude names!” blurted out a suddenly angry Nandor at Arturo, and Guillermo realized that Nandor was only just understanding what Arturo had called him when he entered the apartment. “And I could have, I know all kinds of terrible things that I could call you! But I am not rude, unlike some people .”
Guillermo shushed him while Arturo rolled his eyes and continued to whittle. He turned back to his cousins.
“It didn’t scare you, though, which it should have if it’s brand new information to you.”
“You act like you’re the only one who’s seen Abraham Van Helsing appear on DNA test results,” Miriam said with an eyeroll identical to her sister’s. “Papa, Cece, and I all have him on ours. And once you accept he’s real, vampires are the natural next step, right?”
“I never thought a vampire could be such a dork, though,” added Cecilia.
“HEY!”
“But Nandor said he ran into Tio Arturo in 1987,” Guillermo pointed out as he shushed Nandor again. He did recognize Miriam’s logic, though his epiphany had been the direct reverse. “Way before anyone ever could have gotten a DNA test—and he’s from Amá’s side of the family besides.”
“Yes, and he was very annoying,” Nandor interrupted, unwilling to be shushed any longer. “He followed me all through Coney Island while I was trying to find a snack, and then he tried to stab me! With a stake!”
“The only reason I’m not killing you right now is because of my favorite nephew,” Arturo growled. “You’re the only sucker who’s ever gotten away from me.”
“I can see that you are still trying to compensate for it,” Nandor replied primly, using his chin to gesture at the stake in Arturo’s hand.
The room went quiet again as they all seemed to process simultaneously that the vampire in the room had just made a dick joke. Guillermo’s breath froze in his chest until his cousins broke into raucous laughter.
“Oh, I do like him, Memo,” said Miriam.
“Even if he is dressed like he fell off the back of a Ren Faire truck,” added Cecilia between giggles.
Nandor huffed. “I am very stylish!”
This seemed to make the cousins only laugh harder, and the adults—minus Arturo—began to chuckle as well, breaking the tension.
“The Iglesias family has been hunting vampires for centuries,” Arturo said once the laughter died down. “We are also descended from the Van Helsing line, though more distantly than the de la Cruz side.”
“And I thought I had potent seed,” Nandor mumbled. Guillermo elbowed him, lest that topic need to be explained as well. “What? That fucker really got around.”
“So Amá, is that how you and Papa met?” Guillermo asked. “Some kind of dynastic vampire hunter alliance thing?”
“What? Don’t be silly, Memo. We met in high school, just like I've always told you,” Silvia said with a barely suppressed smile. “We never talked about vampires. I never even knew until the DNA test you got me for Christmas a few years ago.” He had forgotten he got his mother one at the same time he got his and the vampires’; they had never discussed the results. She arched an eyebrow at her brother. “I guess it’s only taught to the male line on our side.”
“Guillermo left home before I could begin teaching him,” Arturo commented as he continued to whittle the stake’s point sharper. Guillermo raised an eyebrow but decided not to press that right now.
But of course he couldn’t telepathically communicate that to Nandor. Not when he didn’t have access to the ether.
“As if Guillermo needs teaching,” Nandor snorted before Guillermo could stop him. “He is a fierce warrior who has probably killed far more vampires than you have, old man.”
“You’ve killed vampires?” Arturo asked his nephew with great interest. Silvia looked alarmed at this, and Guillermo tried to make reassuring gestures as Arturo continued to talk. “And he—“ He pointed at Nandor with the stake, to which Nandor bared his teeth “—knows that? And about your Van Helsing lineage?”
“Of course I know that! I did not know until now that he was a double slayer with the Van Helsing seed from both parents, but now I know that he has had that all this time and has never hurt me.”
Guillermo schooled the muscles in his face to remain serene, because they both knew very well that that was a lie, and he did not need to discuss their physical fights or Nandor’s weird penchant for slayer roleplay and religious iconography in the bedroom with his family tonight. This was weird enough on its own.
“What about the de la Cruzes?” he asked the members of his father’s family, before Nandor made a comment that couldn’t be giggled away by his cousins. He could compare kill counts with Arturo later.
“We don’t do anything with it,” Jesús said with a shrug. “At least, I don’t think we do.”
Guillermo thought of the mishaps in the apartment that evening. They didn’t do anything intentionally , at least. Nandor shifted beside him, and he knew the vampire was thinking something similar. He was probably feeling very uncomfortable now, knowing he was the only vampire in a room full of both latent and active vampire hunters (except Sofia—at least as far as he knew). Guillermo put a hand on his knee and squeezed it reassuringly.
When he saw Cecilia and Miriam watching with happy smiles, he pulled it back, self-conscious. But their smiles remained. He snuck a glance at Nandor, and he could see one corner of the vampire’s mouth quirked up ever-so-slightly.
“Guillermo,” said Nandor tentatively.
“Yeah, we should probably go,” Guillermo said. He wasn’t sure if that was what Nandor was going to say, but he wasn’t about to give Cecilia an in to start asking intrusive questions about being a vampire. Or dating one. “Amá, is it okay if we do?”
“I think we’ve interrogated you enough for one night,” said Silvia.
“I have so many questions, though!”
“Not tonight, Cecilia.”
Once Silvia stood, the rest of the company followed suit. Arturo put away his stake and dagger and came forward to give Guillermo a hearty clap on the back.
“Let’s sit down and compare techniques one of these days,” Arturo said. “I want to hear all about your adventures.”
Not all of them, Guillermo suspected, but he could creatively edit as necessary. “That sounds great,” he said. “I want to hear about the family history, too.” Specifically, his uncle’s POV of the encounter with Nandor, because he suspected it would be more accurate than whatever one Nandor would give him.
Arturo and Nandor nodded at each other. It wasn’t respect, but at least there wasn’t violence.
Guillermo went next to Sofia and kissed her on the cheek, and then hugged his aunt and uncle together.
“It was good to see you again,” he told them, and meant it.
“Don’t wait so long before the next time,” Jesús said. “But maybe leave him at home if you come to something big.” He tipped his head at Nandor. “It was nice to meet you, Nandor, but I don’t know if we can guarantee your safety with a larger group of de la Cruzes.”
“Guillermo will protect me, Jeebus,” Nandor said confidently, taking the man’s hand and shaking it vigorously.
“Jesús,” corrected Sofia gently.
Nandor paused for a moment and said, “I cannot.” Then he took Sofia’s hand and kissed her knuckles as if in apology. Guillermo was amused to see her blush slightly.
His cousins pulled him to the side.
“I’m so happy we got to see you, Memo,” said Miriam, hugging him. “And that we got to meet your boyfriend.”
“That was the best birthday gift,” said Cecilia with a grin. “He’s a snack.”
“What Cece is trying to say is that seeing you happy makes us happy,” Miriam said with a sharp elbow to her sister’s side. “Tia Silvia said you were doing well, but I’m glad we got to see it for ourselves.”
“We’ll text you,” Cecilia promised, taking her turn to hug Guillermo. “You haven’t changed your number, have you?”
“I’m considering it now,” Guillermo told her.
“Liar.” Noticing he had disengaged from her parents, Cecilia pulled on Nandor’s sleeve. “What about you, Nandor, do you have a cell?”
“In the basement,” Nandor told her, and Cecilia laughed.
“He’s not good with technology,” Guillermo explained.
“Well, any time you want to hang out, just steal Guillermo’s phone and text us,” said Cecilia. “We promise we won’t tell him if you complain about him.”
“He is annoying sometimes,” Nandor agreed, and in that moment Guillermo was extremely glad that Nandor could not operate a touchscreen and refused to use a stylus. “But he has never called me a dork.”
“Not to your face,” Guillermo muttered, and as Nandor said “HEY!” again and his cousins laughed, he turned to Silvia.
He practically fell into his mother’s outstretched arms, and she hugged him fiercely.
«Goodnight, mijo,» Silvia said to Guillermo. «Thank you for staying. I know this did not end up being an easy night for you.»
Guillermo’s smile was rueful against his mother’s shoulder. «It wasn’t, but I’m glad some things are out in the open now.”
«I love you so much, Memo.»
«I love you too, Amá. I’ll call you tomorrow about coming for another visit.»
«Good.» She kissed his cheek and pulled back from the embrace. She turned to Nandor, who had disengaged from his cousins with what seemed like minimal fuss. Guillermo was impressed. Even though they weren’t twelve anymore, they were still a handful.
“Thank you for inviting me,” Nandor said politely.
“Take care of my Guillermo,” Silvia said warmly, not knowing that most of the time, it was the other way around.
Guillermo watched Nandor’s face for a reaction and was confused to see that his body had gone rigid, his face tense, top lip curling back. His mother’s hands were up at Nandor’s chest level, but with her back to her son, he couldn’t see them.
He noticed the silver dagger was gone from her back pocket. He couldn’t remember her handing it back to Arturo.
“Amá?” he asked carefully.
“Just a moment, Memo,” she said, not moving.
He peeked over her shoulder.
“AMA!”
His mother was holding the silver dagger and the stake Arturo had been whittling in her hands, the tips crossed over Nandor’s heart.
“If you hurt him, I will come after you myself,” she said in a low voice that Guillermo had to strain to hear but must have been clear as day to Nandor’s heightened senses.
And then as if nothing had happened, she dropped her hands to her sides and smiled at them both brightly.
“Memo, you can bring him back any time.”
Nandor was still frozen, seemingly in shock. There was a small smoking hole in the front of his tunic, almost as if he had been burned by a cigarette. Guillermo would have to inspect it more closely for repair options once they were home.
Yes, now was definitely the time to go.
“Goodnight, Amá,” he said. “Bye, everyone.”
He waved to his family and gestured to Nandor, and after Nandor gave the group one last, considering look, they headed down the stairs without a word.
Once they exited the building, Guillermo leaned back against the brick exterior and let it hold him up. They had survived, though his definition of “survival” going in was not the definition he was working off of by the end of the night. His family still loved and welcomed him, even though he was dating a vampire. A male vampire.
What Nandor thought, on the other hand…
He looked at Nandor, who was looking at the street, still seeming slightly dazed.
“So that was an, um, interesting evening?” Guillermo offered tentatively. Let Nandor react to that however he would.
Nandor turned and looked at him, thoughtful now.
“Yes,” he said after a long pause, just as careful as Guillermo. “Your family is…nice. Though they speak in tongues too much.”
Guillermo couldn’t help but laugh, one hand over his face. “My family are latent vampire killers who tried to hurt you multiple times tonight. Not on purpose—“
“Your uncle did it on purpose. Fucking guy.”
“—but what I’m saying is that nice is not the word I would have used in your position.”
“You think that I, Nandor the Relentless, was intimidated?! By piñata farmers who have only ever staked their pastures!?”
“My mom held a stake to your chest and threatened your life!”
“As any good mother protecting her young should,” Nandor said approvingly. After a pause, he added, “I am sorry we have kept you from her for all these years.”
“You haven’t done that,” Guillermo said, a little sharp. “Don’t take the blame for the choices that I’ve made over the last 12 years. I knew what I was doing when I did it.”
“You should take time to see your family more,” Nandor said after another moment of silence.
“I’m going to, but not because you told me to.”
“You are being sassy with me, Guillermo, and I do not care for it.”
“Sorry.” He sighed. The adrenaline that had propelled him through most of the evening was seeping away now, and he was tired. “Just a stressful night.”
“Yes,” Nandor agreed, and what else could Guillermo say to that?
In Guillermo’s pocket, his phone buzzed multiple times in quick succession, breaking through the silence between them. At first he thought it was a call, but when he pulled out his phone, he discovered it was a new group chat, consisting of himself, Cecilia, and Miriam.
CECLIA: coffee with us on Saturday
CECILIA: you pick time and place and we’ll meet you there
MIRIAM: we need you to spill allllllll the tea on dating vampire Khal Drogo 🥵
CECILIA: NO EXCUSES
“Guillermo?” asked Nandor as Guillermo stared at his phone screen. “It is very cute when you let your blood flow to your face that way, but I do not like it when I am not the one who is causing it.”
He turned his head to Nandor, eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Did you just call me cute?”
“Am I not allowed to call my boyfriend cute when he is being cute?”
“Since when am I your boyfriend? Usually I’m just,” and here he approximated Nandor’s accent as best he could while waving his hand in Nandor’s dismissive way, “‘this is what it is and you are overcomplicating it by trying to find funny modern words for it.’”
“I do not sound like that!”
“Yes you do, and don’t change the subject. You just called me your boyfriend. You’ve never done that before.”
“It…sounded nice when your cousin said it.” The shrug that accompanied that was almost too casual. Nandor had sounded a little shy , Guillermo realized, another novelty for tonight. He liked it.
“It sounds nice when you say it,” Guillermo said, feeling like he was admitting something daring, and Nandor’s face blossomed into a wide smile. He wasn’t sure how his life had just taken a hard left turn into a romantic comedy, but he wasn’t complaining. He was sure he was grinning like an idiot now as well.
In Guillermo’s hand, his phone began to vibrate almost continuously. When he held it up, he could see it was Cecilia and Miriam bombarding him with “MEMO” and “ANSWER US.” He sighed.
“Hold on a second, my cousins are blowing up my phone,” he told Nandor, and quickly added, “That’s just a saying, it isn’t going to actually explode.” For good measure, he stepped back out of Nandor’s reach before he could snatch the smartphone from him as a protective gesture.
Quickly he typed back:
GUILLERMO: OK
GUILLERMO: DETAILS TOMORROW
GUILLERMO: STOP TEXTING ME NOW
GUILLERMO: IM TRYING TO TALK TO NANDOR
One more buzz, then another.
MIRIAM: we know
CECILIA: we can see you from the window 👀
He looked up to the third floor, where his cousins were waving at him.
He gave them the finger.
(Belatedly, he hoped his mother wasn’t watching them through the window too.)
The phone started buzzing again. He groaned.
“Why will they not leave you alone?” Nandor asked. “We just spent the evening with them.”
“They want to make plans for us to see each other again and want to make sure I answer them. Remember the whole ‘seeing my family more’ thing you want me to do?” As he moved the phone screen back into his line of sight so that he could see the messages coming through, he added, “They also just like to be annoying.”
His cousins were now both texting him “KISS” over and over again.
“Stop that,” Nandor said as Guillermo flushed hotter. “What are they saying now to make you blush so pretty?”
Before Guillermo could tell him or ask about his upgrade to pretty, Nandor grabbed the still-buzzing phone out of his hand. He looked at the messages and then back to Guillermo.
“They want us to kiss?” Nandor looked up to the window where Guillermo had directed his rude gesture. Cecilia and Miriam were now giving them both enthusiastic thumbs-ups.
“Please don’t give them the satisfaction,” Guillermo said, mortified again.
“Who says that it is for their satisfaction?” Nandor asked, grabbing Guillermo’s hand and pulling him so that he was facing Nandor rather than the window. “Prepare yourself, Guillermo de la Cruz,” he commanded, his voice now the low growl that sent shivers up Guillermo’s spine.
And then, on the sidewalk outside Silvia de la Cruz’s building in the middle of the Bronx, Nandor threw Guillermo into an honest-to-God dip and with one arm under Guillermo’s shoulders and the other flung back with a flourish, kissed him.
It wasn’t the first time they’d kissed, not by a long shot, but it was certainly the first time they’d done it in public, and Guillermo’s head was swimming with so much panic he couldn't react at first. Nandor’s lips were insistent on his (he absolutely refused to let his brain try to supply the word “relentless”), but it was the tantalizing scrape of fang against his lip that brought him back into the moment. He grabbed the front of Nandor’s shirt with both hands, not a protective measure this time, and kissed back, losing himself in the moment.
After what was probably much too long yet nowhere near long enough, Nandor guided him back upright, and Guillermo’s hands shifted up to Nandor’s face. The kiss moved into something softer, sweeter.
“GET A ROOM!!”
Guillermo jumped back—or at least he would have if Nandor’s arm hadn’t been around him so tightly.
It was Cecilia, calling from the window.
“YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO YELL AT US,” Nandor yelled back, using the hand holding Guillermo’s phone to point at her accusingly.
“She’s joking,” Guillermo whispered, having buried his head into Nandor’s shoulder in embarrassment. “Don’t get the whole neighborhood involved.”
“GO INSIDE AND STOP SPYING!”
His cousin blew them a kiss and closed the window, then the curtains.
“I revise my opinion,” Nandor said. “Your family is crazy .”
“Not my whole family, just them. They’re like the annoying little sisters I never had.” Guillermo’s phone buzzed in Nandor’s hand. “ Dios mio , what do they want now !?”
“Tell them if they do not leave us alone I will throw your telephone into the river,” Nandor said as he handed the phone back to Guillermo.
CECILIA: 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏
MIRIAM: 👏👏👏👏👏
“Can we throw theirs into the river instead?”
Guillermo thought for a moment and made one final text.
GUILLERMO: If I find out you put ANY of this on social media you’re dead
With that, Guillermo turned his phone off. He’d pick the conversation up again tomorrow.
“Okay, they won’t interrupt us again. I think we can we make a clean getaway now. Where do you want to go first?”
“I am thinking that perhaps we should go home, Guillermo.”
“Really? You don’t want to hunt?” Or go to the craft store, he added mentally. “I thought you were hungry.”
“No, I was…annoyed at first that our night out together was going to be delayed. I am recovered from that, but tonight has been very unusual, as you know, and it was more tiring than I expected.”
“So you just want to go back to the house?”
“Yes, is that not what I said? I should like to watch more of the Flavors of Love, to see who he chooses as the queen of his clock kingdom.”
For a moment, Guillermo silently cursed himself for introducing Nandor to the world of mid-aughts VH1 reality dating, but then he realized that this was Nandor’s version of asking to Netflix and chill. They would sit close on the chaise in Nandor’s crypt, sharing the small screen of the tablet. Based on previous experience, he knew they wouldn’t get very far in watching.
Not a bad way to end this night, all things considered. Especially with no cameras around.
“I’m ready if you are. Do you want to take the long way home? If you’re tired…”
“Absolutely not,” Nandor said, and wrapped his arms around Guillermo from behind so that they could fly.
“By the way,” he whispered into Guillermo’s ear, “you still taste like garlic.” Guillermo could feel Nandor’s smile as he blushed. Why was he blushing so much tonight!?
“I’m sorry, I thought I got it all after dinn—“
“I liked it,” Nandor confided, his voice almost a purr now. “It was…spicy.”
Every time he thought the night was done being strange, something else came charging to the forefront.
“I’ll remember that for the future,” Guillermo said, and placed his hands over Nandor’s on his stomach. “Let’s go home.”