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The moment the lock clicked on the red rusted door, Alex felt at home. The dark, cold air of the Loft greeted him as he slipped open the door. Yet, the string of lights around the window illuminated the space and served as their night light. It was just enough for them to see the way to the bathroom or the door if they got up in the middle of the night. Right now, it was just enough light for him to see the entryway.
As he gently closed the door behind him, it squeaked more than usual and he made a mental note to put oil on it tomorrow. Alex paused, listening for any sign that the squeak woke up Jo, but it was quiet. Maybe she wasn't home, but he hoped that she was. He kicked off his shoes and dropped his bags against their shelves. Then he took off his coat and tossed it onto the hook, but it fell to the floor, and he didn't have the energy nor the will to pick it up again.
He could deal with it all tomorrow. Right now, he needed sleep and his wife. Meredith said she was at home, but Jo must still be at the hospital as there were no signs of her presents. Her shoes weren't in the entryway and her bag wasn't by the door. He let out a sigh as he walked around to their bed. He was hoping to come in and have her be the first person he saw, but he would settle for seeing her as soon as she got home.
Iowa was hard. His mom had a slip and was wandering around in the cold winter storm when he got there. He had to search all over town for her and when he did find her, she was half-frozen and disoriented. Alex immediately took her to the hospital, where they realized she had developed pneumonia. Then he spent two weeks in the hospital at her bedside before she recovered enough psychically and mentally to go home. His mom was doing well now that she was back on her meds and back at home. As she recovered, her mental state returned and she was eager to get back to her schedule and back to work. Yet it became apparent that Helen was struggling with the household and day to day tasks.
It was then that he and Amber decided to find a long-term at home caregiver for her. Helen wasn’t a fan of it, but Alex argued that having someone to check in on her and help with the cleaning and make meals for her wasn't the worst thing in the world. His mom had finally relented and Alex spent the next two weeks finding the right person. Finally, he hired an at home nurse. Mina, an Iranian woman in her 50s, was more of a companion than a caregiver, and she and Helen got along like a house on fire. He trained Mina to look for Helen’s signs of slipping and taught her, her schedule, her likes and dislikes, and everything about her until it became obvious that he was just staying because he was worried. It was true, Alex was reluctant to leave. As much as he missed his wife, he didn’t want to leave his mom until he was certain she wouldn’t have another slip.
He worried for his mother despite how he trusted Mina. Ever since he had reconnected with his mom, Alex had been more involved in her life and she in theirs. They talked at least once a week, although she, Jo, and Amber had weekly video calls. He felt guilty that he hadn't noticed the split until she was deep into her delusions. If he had paid more attention to her, maybe he would have noticed before she started wandering out of the house and caught pneumonia. So he wanted to be there now to make up for it.
Finally, Helen and Amber sat him down, gave him a one way plane ticket home, and threatened to call Jo if he did leave. Amber had come down with Matt and their son to visit for a week and promised she would call him if anything happened. Yet, Alex convinced them to let him stay so he could see his nephew for a few days. The morning he was set to fly out, Amber promptly woke him up and in her words, she was going to ship him back to Seattle whether he liked it or not. She packed up his stuff, dropped him off at the airport, and told him to go home.
Alex was both relieved and terrified to go back. It had been a month and a half since he left. So much time had passed and he felt guilty for ignoring everyone. He had let his life in Seattle slip away as he was so focused on things in Iowa. He had ignored and didn't return Jo’s calls. Every time her picture and her ringtone rang, he smiled, yet the thought of actually speaking to her felt too much. He didn't want to worry her about everything that was going on and give her this burden. The more time he ignored Jo, the harder it was to pick up her calls. Yet, Alex still listened to every voicemail and read every text Jo and Meredith sent as they told him little details of their life. The last one he had gotten from Jo, of her begging to know what was going on, was what prompted him to finally go home. The thought of going home to Jo filled him with such relief as he boarded the plane and he came home.
Alex turned the corner around the bookshelf to their bed, intending to get some sleep. He looked at the bed only to find her side empty. Alex sighed as he tore off his sweater, but as his eyes adjusted to the dark, he saw her. Jo was fast asleep and curled up on his side of the bed. She clutched his pillow as she slept on it. Her hair splayed across his pillow and she was curled up like a little kid. She had her own pillow against her back and was completely surrounded and tucked in with all of the blankets around her like a little cocoon. Alex couldn't help the easy smile that spread across his face as he stared at her. Jo looked like an angel asleep on his pillow, despite how she snored. He missed sleeping next to her more than anything.
He remembered the last voicemail she sent him begging him to come home. She was begging him for answers about what was going on and it broke his heart to hear her cry on the phone, but he was home now and he would tell her everything when she woke up. He didn't want to wake her up and instead decided to crawl in next to her. He untangled a bit of the blanket cocoon, although crawling in bed next to Jo was something he was a bit of an expert at. It was something he had done a thousand times before.
Alex changed into a fresh pair of pajama pants from his shelf and went over to her side of the bed. He crawled in before he gently pulled back the covers and was careful as he moved the pillow from her back. As usual, Jo didn't wake up as he pulled back the covers and slid in next to her. He moved his legs next to hers first, letting his legs follow the curve of her knees and letting her cold toes rest against his thighs. He always complained about her cold toes and her reluctance to wear socks in bed. Alex never thought that he would miss her cold toes, but he did. Then, he gently laid down until he was able to scoot forward and lay right up against her. Finally, he moved her hair back, twisting it just a little bit before putting it over her shoulder as he rested his head on his pillow next to her. He was finally pressed up against her and completely surrounded by her. Alex needed to hold her and wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back against his chest. He took in a deep breath, breathing her in as he closed his eyes.
He was home.
There was a touch of perfume that lingered on her neck, but the smell of her shampoo and conditioner was strong and he buried his nose in her hair. He knew he would miss her, which is why he had stolen one of her extra scrub hats. She had two identical ones and he had stolen it straight from the hamper. It was small enough that he could carry around a little bit of her. He also stole one of her sweatshirts as she usually got the bigger sizes that hung off of her frame, although it barely fit him.
When the smell of her faded, he ordered some of her perfume and was able to keep the memory of her alive. Perhaps it was a bit embarrassing, but he couldn't fall asleep unless she was next to him. While in Iowa, he would fall asleep clutching her scrub cap or wearing her sweater. Now he had the real thing right in front of him and it was so much better than a memory, especially as he got to hold her. He was completely enveloped in her. It was almost overwhelming, but he didn't want to be anywhere other than surrounded by Jo.
He finally closed his eyes and moved his arm around her waist up against her chest to press his hand against her heart. He felt the study beat under his hand as he pulled her closer, giving her a light hug before he relaxed. Jo took a deep breath in as her snoring paused for a moment. He thought she had woken up, but she didn't. Instead, she settled back against him with a little sigh and he knew that she was smiling in her sleep.
“I missed you so much,” Alex whispered as he leaned down to kiss her cheek. He would wait to kiss her lips until she was awake enough to kiss him back.
Her skin was soft under his lips and he hoped that the beard he had grown in Iowa didn't scratch her cheek too much. She always complained when his rough facial hair scraped her skin. As he pulled back, he noticed that her cheeks were a little fuller than before. There were other changes, too now that he looked at her fully. Her hair was longer and shinier. Her breasts certainly looked bigger, but maybe that was just because it had been so long since he had seen her. It could just be because she was stressing eating while he was gone, but either way, he didn't care. He was just happy to hold her again as he drifted off.
With his wife in his arms, Alex was home.
Jo woke up later than usual to the morning sun streaming into the Loft. These days she was a little bit lazier and for just a second she didn't recognize the warmth that was around her. It had been so cold in the last few weeks since Alex left. The heater wasn't working properly and her human heater was gone, leaving the bed cold and empty. She had substituted the empty space and the cold with extra blankets and extra pillows, but nothing could compare to having her husband next to her.
However, this morning as she woke up, she was warm and comfortable. She felt like she had slept better than she had in weeks. She was cozy enough to snuggle back further into the blankets and tried to catch a few extra minutes of sleep before she had to get up to go to work. Suddenly, she realized the reason she was so warm and comfortable was because Alex was sleeping next to her. He was curled up behind her and pressed against her back with his hand on her heart, holding her close.
Alex was back.
Jo instantly turned around to see him sleeping beside her. She blinked once and then twice before she finally smiled. He was home. He was really home and sleeping beside her. He must have gotten in late last night and just snuggled up behind her and fell asleep.
As she looked down at him, she noticed how different he looked. His hair was longer, reaching just past his ears, meaning he hadn’t cut it since before he left. His beard was longer and his hair was coarse as she ran her fingers over his face. She tucked a little strand of hair behind his ear. It had started to turn gray rather than brown, a sign of his age and the stress of the past month and a half. His cheeks were also a little thinner and the dark circles under his eyes seemed deeper, but he looked so at peace sleeping next to her. He even had a soft little smile on his face even as he snored.
Alex was home.
Jo bit her lip and smiled as she cupped his cheek with her hand. She didn't know how late he had gotten in last night and a part of her wanted to let him sleep. But she figured he could go back to sleep after she woke him up and she knew he would want to see her too.
She reached down to press a gentle kiss to his lips. It was just a light pack before she moved to kiss his nose, his cheek, and his forehead as she peppered him with little kisses. Just like a fairy tale, he stirred under her lips and she pulled back. She watched as his eyelids fluttered open and he instantly smiled when their eyes met. She had missed his brown eyes. Alex leaned in and kissed her again with an excitement that she shared as he pulled her up against him and she wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Hi,” Jo said when she finally pulled back and smiled so wide that her cheeks hurt.
“Hi,” Alex said, his smile matching hers.
“You're back,” Jo said, rubbing her thumb along his cheek. “I missed you so much.”
“I know, I’m sorry, but I'm back now. I'm home,” Alex said as he leaned in to kiss her again. He couldn't seem to get enough of her lips, but Jo pulled back.
“Why did you stop taking my calls, Alexander?” Jo asked as she pressed her hand against his chest. “Do you know how worried I was about you? I called Amber, and she said you weren't returning her calls either. So I called your mom and she said that everything was fine. She said she would ask you to call me, but then you didn’t. I was beginning to think that you, that you had died or that you were... I don't know, cheating on me with your ex-wife or something.”
“You thought I was with Izzie?” Alex asked as he looked at her and just laughed as if it was all just one big joke.
She glared at him and slapped his chest before Alex caught her hand and kissed her palm as he held her hand against his cheek.
“I'm sorry and I promise you, I was with my mom the entire time. For what it's worth, I read all of your texts and I listened to all of your voicemail. I'm sorry Jo, I didn't mean to worry you, but everything with my mom was just so stressful. She had a slip, so she was wandering around outside in the cold and got pneumonia.”
“Oh my god, is she okay?” Jo asked, putting a hand over her mouth as tears collected in her eyes, suddenly feeling guilty for pulling Alex away from Helen.
“Yes, she's fine now. She’s fully recovered from the pneumonia and I got her set up with a caregiver, Mina. Although she's more of a friend,” Alex said with a smile as he remembered how his mom and Mina got on. “I just didn't want to leave her again too soon, and everything was so stressful. I ignored your calls because I didn't want to stress you out too, but I was wrong to do that. I'm sorry.”
“I know you were stressed out, but so was I, Alex. And If you think I don't want to hear about what’s going on with your family or if it's too much for me, it's not. I love your mom and if something happens to her, I want to know about it so I can be there for you and for her.”
As Jo spoke, she laid back down on the pillow and stared at him. She stared deep into his eyes. In his eyes, she could see his thoughts, even as he glanced down. She could tell that he felt immense guilt for ignoring her and that he was still coming down from the stress of everything in Iowa. She reached out to rub her fingers across his cheek, hoping to take away some of the stress that had weighed upon his shoulders.
“I know, I just didn't want to worry you or Amber and I'm just so used to dealing with everything with my mom alone.”
“But, you're not alone, Alex. So long as you have me, you're never alone. When we got married, we made vows. For better or for worse, and this is part of the worst and I want to go through it with you.”
“I know, I'm sorry I broke our vows. I swear I'm never going to leave you and I'm going to make it up to you,” Alex said, staring into her eyes, and she knew that his promise was true.
“You better,” Jo said with a smirk as he smiled. She knew Alex never intentionally broke his promises to her. Ignore her, yes, but she knew he would never leave her.
Jo smiled as he pulled her in to kiss him again. This time, his kiss was full of passion and heat as his hands trailed under the hem of her shirt. His fingers ghosted over her stomach before trailing up her chest. She thought for sure he would have noticed the extra weight she carried now, but he seemed too focused on getting into her pants. Alex tried to pull her shirt over her head, but Jo pulled away from the kiss and stopped him.
“Wait, Alex. I have something to tell you,” Jo said, laughing as he sighed and sat back.
She couldn't wait to tell him so she could finally see the look on his face. Watching him now, Jo knew that she had made the right choice by choosing to hold off and keep this little secret to herself until he got home.
“Okay, what is it?” Alex asked, his eyes looking up to her face.
“Well, do you notice anything different about me?” Jo asked, letting a smile spread across her face.
Alex’s eyes looked her up and down, but his lips parted and she could tell he was drawing a blank. “Um, no?”
Jo almost laughed at his words. No matter how she spelled it out for him, he would never get it as he was just too clueless sometimes. Still, she didn't mind just telling him instead. Jo took his hand and put it on the little bump she had. There was a slight curve of her stomach, evidence of the baby they had created together.
“I'm pregnant,” Jo said, a large excited smile spread across her cheeks.
“You're pregnant?” Alex asked, still not quite believing her, yet his face immediately lit up with a smile as he sat up in bed.
They had started trying for a baby around Christmas. Jo finally felt stable enough to do so and she felt ready to be a mom. Alex was over the moon as he had wanted a baby with her for several years but waited for her to be ready too. They both decided not to put too much pressure on themselves and just have fun. Although Jo secretly tracked her ovulation cycle and initiated intimacy on the day she was ovulating. The first month she got her period was disappointing. She also took a pregnancy test just before Alex left for Iowa, but it was negative. He promised her that they would continue to try when he got back. Yet, Jo had started to feel sick a few days later, so she took another pregnancy test. To her surprise, this one was positive.
“Yes,” Jo said, smiling up at him. “I'm about nine weeks along.”
“You're nine weeks pregnant!” Alex said, finally getting it as he looked down at their hands and laughed. “We're having a baby!”
“We're having a baby!” Jo said with a laugh as his excitement was infectious.
“Oh my God, I'm going to be a dad,” Alex said, letting his excitement overtake him as he leaped up from the bed and she sat up to watch him as he excitedly raced around the room. “Oh my God, I'm going to be a Dad. I’ve got to call Meredith and tell her, and I’ve got to call my mom and tell her too. We're going to have a baby.”
Alex searched around for his phone and Jo couldn't help but laugh as she watched him run around. He was so happy, so over the moon, and excited for their child. She loved sharing this joyous moment with him.
Jo had always been so hesitant about kids. Little kids had big hearts that could get broken so easily. She knew that Alex would be a good dad and that she would be at least an okay mom. Yet, ever since she got pregnant, she realized that this was something that she could do. She could be a good mom and she knew that together they could raise a good kid. They could give their child enough strength to take on whatever life threw at them. They would finally have the family they had always wanted and she was so happy.
“Alex, Alex,” Jo called to him with a laugh as she pulled on her shirt again while he reached for his phone. “Meredith already knows and so does your mom and Amber too. Meredith was the one who helped me get my blood drawn to confirm it and I told Helen and Amber a few days ago. I'm sorry I wanted to tell you first but, but you weren't here and I needed you home. I’ve been sick around the clock and I’m exhausted. I’ve been eating only takeout or food from the cafeteria, but I can barely keep it down. I’ve been sending out the laundry and I even hired a maid because the smell of the soap makes me vomit. Everything has just felt like too much on my own and I need you.”
She looked down as she played with her wedding rings on her fingers. Then, she heard Alex's footsteps come back over to her as he sat back on the bed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in to lean his forehead against hers.
“I'm home now and I’m gonna take care of you. I promise you, Jo, for the rest of your pregnancy, I'm not going anywhere,” Alex said to her and she knew that he would keep his promise. In fact, she knew she'd have a hard time getting him to leave her side from then on.
“I know, I'm glad you're home,” Jo said, leaning in to kiss him. He was so tender and sweet with her, but instead of letting her pull him back into bed, he pulled away and broke their kiss.
“Seriously, you told Meredith, my mom, and Amber that you were pregnant before you told me?” Alex said, teasing her, although she could tell he was a little disappointed.
“You weren't answering your phone,” Jo yelled, giving his arm a light slap. “I tried to fly out to see you, but I got too sick at the airport, and Meredith wouldn't let me go. So I told Helen and Amber when I asked them to send you home because again, you weren't answering your phone, jerk.”
“Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Alex asked, holding his hands up as he shook his head and smiled. “I'm never going to ignore your calls again.”
“You better not,” Jo said as she gave his shoulder a light shove before she pulled him into her. “Because next time it's going to be me calling you to tell you I'm in labor and if you miss the birth of our kid, I will never forgive you.”
“Oh, I’m definitely not missing that,” Alex said with a smile before his eyes went wide as he looked around the loft.
It seemed the reality of their impending parenthood finally dawned upon him and he got up as he looked around the Loft. “We're going to have a baby in 31 weeks! We're going to need a crib, and a car seat, and toys, and swaddles, and blankets, and clothing, and, and, we're going to need to baby-proof the Loft and get diapers, a lot of diapers.”
“Alex, relax, we've got like eight months to plan for them and get everything ready. I already got a ton of baby stuff from Meredith. She practically gave me everything from when the kids were little and since Amelia is pregnant too, Link and I have been looking at cribs and car seats together. Besides, the hospital always gives new parents a ton of free stuff and what we don't have, we can always steal from the storage room.”
“It's not just that, Jo. We're going to have a baby soon and this place is a mess,” Alex said, gesturing around to the Loft that she had to admit, it had gotten a little messy. It had been a week since the maid service had come and Jo had been too sick to do the dishes the night before. “It's freezing in here, and that means the heater is probably broken. We have exposed outlets and wires and there's no way we can block off the kitchen. We got to put corner covers on everything and put away the alcohol and….”
Alex continued to ramble off the list of things he had to do to get ready for the baby. Jo just sat there and watched him as he ran around the loft in a bit of a panic. This was the man she loved, the father of her child, who was going to do everything he could to make sure that their home was safe for them and that they would have everything they needed. She knew that Alex would give them the best home and the best childhood.
“Alex, Alex!” Jo called out to him, but it took him a few times of calling his name before he finally paused and looked over at her. “Take a deep breath and come back to me for a second.”
Alex nodded as he came over to her. She laid down again and pulled him into her embrace. As they laid down together, he wrapped his arms around her waist and closed his eyes. He laid his head on her chest and put a hand on her belly to hold their baby as well.
“Everything is going to be okay,” Jo said as she laid a kiss on his forehead. “We have plenty of time to get everything ready and we don’t have to do it right now. I know it's been a long night for you. You just got home and I gave you some big news, so let's just take a moment and relax and just enjoy the fact that we're having a baby and that you’re finally home.”
“Okay,” Alex mumbled, still buried in her chest with his eyes still closed and Jo wrapped her arms around him, running her fingers through his hair. Soon enough, he was asleep in her arms.
Jo smiled at her sleeping husband, reveling in the fact that he was home before she dozed off as well. They slept together in each other's arms with their baby in between them, together again and for always.