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“Puffy?”
Puffy’s breath caught in her throat. Slowly, she put down her shovel and brushed her curly hair out of her eyes. She had been planting yellow carnations, the pretty flowers blooming under the sunlight. She stood up, still holding one of the flowers. “Niki?”
Their eyes met.
Puffy gazed at Niki for a long moment, afraid that if she looked away the woman would vanish, like a mirage in the desert.
She’d changed. Puffy had too, to be fair, but she would never get over how different Niki looked, compared to the woman she used to know. She still kept a photo of that Niki in her coat, tucked in beside a candid picture of Tommy and Sam at the hotel.
That Niki had soft pink hair and a wide smile, beaming at the camera like she was the sun itself. She was wearing a pair of dungarees with sunflowers painted on them, and she had a daisy tucked behind her ear- Puffy was the one who had put it there. It didn’t show in the photo, but Puffy had a matching expression of joy, glowing with happiness.
Niki didn’t look happy now.
Her hair was faded and choppy, like she’d been cutting it with a blunt axe. She was wearing a plain white shirt and black cape, with heavy brown boots, as if she’d been trudging through the snow. She was carrying a basket, filled with sugar canes. With a feeling like a dull kick to the gut, Puffy realised she wasn’t wearing her promise ring.
Niki’s eyes searched Puffy as if drinking her in. Her eyes snagged on Puffy’s hand, wrapped in bandages.
It had been an accident; Puffy had simply cut her hand while sharpening her sword, but Niki didn’t know that. And despite not seeing her for months, Puffy wanted Niki to take her hand and promise to make it all better.
Puffy still loved Niki, after all this time.
The promise ring glinted dully on her finger.
Back then, that ring had been a promise, an oath. A reminder that they would be together, no matter what. The two of them, against the world.
Back then, Puffy had still believed that love could still win, no matter what. It didn’t matter how evil Dream or Schlatt or the Egg was, love could win. She could save her friends and everyone she cared about, because she cared. And that was what mattered.
Now, the ring around her fingers felt like nothing more than a battered piece of metal, a sign of the woman she used to know.
Whether that woman was Puffy or Niki, she wasn’t sure. She didn’t think she recognised either any more.
“How are you?” Niki’s voice was soft, barely more than a murmur. Puffy took a second to register what she had asked. “Fine. Fine. How are you?”
Niki smiled and shrugged. Puffy couldn’t bear it- standing here like strangers, exchanging small talk, barely making eye contact.
Where did you go? Puffy wanted to scream. Where were you, when we needed you? When I needed you?
But instead she just smiled and nodded. “That’s good.”
Niki tugged on her earring. They were little silver flowers, dangling on a chain, Puffy noticed. They suited her.
“Listen, Niki-”
“Puffy, I-”
Both of them faltered, stopping short.
“You go first,” Puffy said quickly, pink as Niki’s hair.
“No, you can,” Niki insisted, shaking her head. “It’s not important.”
“Okay, um-” Puffy dug her nails into her palms, a nervous habit that left little crescent moons on her hands. Petals fell off the carnation, fluttering softly to the ground. “Where have you been, recently?” It came out accusatory, rather than casual.
Niki blinked. “Oh, I was just up north. With Techno and Phil,” she clarified, tugging her earring again. One of Niki’s nervous habits, Puffy knew. “We were… well working.”
Puffy said nothing, waiting for Niki to continue. She’d picked this up from therapy sessions with Tommy- people were more inclined to continue if you didn’t prompt them, and let them go at their own pace. She simply nodded, waiting.
“We’re- well, you’ve heard of the Syndicate.” Puffy nodded. Almost everyone on the server had heard of the Syndicate- and they weren’t exactly positive reviews.
“Well, we were breaking Ranboo out of prison,” Niki said awkwardly. “And… well…”
Puffy stared at her. “Niki… Niki, you didn’t…”
Niki avoided her eyes.
“Niki, please, please tell me you didn’t break Dream out of prison.”
There was a long stretch of silence.
“Why?” Puffy whispered at last. “You know what he did. Why would you break him out?”
Niki met her gaze at last, stubborn and defiant. “I was helping my friends. Techno owed Dream a favour, so-”
“So you decided to break a sociopathic murderer out of prison ?” Puffy wasn’t shouting, but she was close. “Niki, what the fuck ?”
Niki was glaring at her. “I have friends now. And I’m going to help them.”
“Oh, of course!” Puffy cried, almost hysterical. “Because friends who will break evil child abusers out of prison are definitely worth keeping!”
“Techno owed Dream a favour!”
“Dream is a fucking murderer !”
“Well, Techno actually keeps his word !”
Puffy took a step back. The flower still clutched in her fist tumbled to the muddy soil. “Don’t give me that shit, Niki. I have always been there. All you had to do was reach out. You didn’t even fucking try.”
“Maybe I don’t need you!” Niki snapped, fire blazing in her eyes. “You can’t fix all the problems on this server, Puffy! Stop trying! Maybe people don’t want to be fixed, ever think of that?”
“What, so you want to stay fucking broken? You’ve been ripped apart by grief and trauma, Niki! Of course I want to help you!”
“Well, I don’t need your help! I’m healing on my own.”
“No, Niki, you’re not! You’re still trying to prove that you’re worthy. This is the same thing as with Wilbur. You’re trying to prove to Techno and Phil and whoever the fuck that you’re good , that you’re strong , that you can help . You’re still hurting at the fact that Wilbur left you behind, and you’re trying to make sure it never happens again!”
“ Shut up !” Niki’s voice cracked. “Stop with your therapy bullshit, Puffy! You don’t know anything, okay? Just leave me alone?”
Something inside Puffy broke.
This was it. She had been pushing ahead, steering her ship through the waters, whether it was sunny and smooth or rainy and rocky. She had kept going, kept trying, no matter what. And now she’d hit an iceberg, and everything was going to sink.
Here, at last, was something Puffy could not fix.
She just didn’t expect it to be her own relationship.
Puffy knew that relationships required work, of course she did. That’s why she always tried, always worked hard, getting people to open up to her and trust her. Working hard to make a relationship stronger was like planting a seed; watering it and talking to it and giving it light, until one day, it sprang from the ground and blossomed into a beautiful flower. And it was worth it- all the nights spent wiping away tears and hugging them and whispering promises that it would all be okay in the end- it was worth it.
But this? This wasn’t what love felt like.
This relationship, her whole relationship with Niki, felt like drowning at sea, adrift and lost and struggling to keep the two of them afloat, when Niki had simply let go. She was going to let herself sink.
And Puffy couldn’t save her.
And, with startling, painful clarity, Puffy at last realised the truth: she didn’t have to.
Puffy wanted to help people. She wanted to help Tommy, and Tubbo, and every other traumatised, innocent person on this god-awful server.
But it wasn’t her job. It wasn’t all up to her.
She couldn’t spend all her time looking after Niki’s garden, watering and taking care of all the plants, while her own garden was dying. And if Niki wasn’t going to help her, then Puffy couldn’t keep swimming blindly, trying to get the two of them to dry land.
Puffy had to let go.
There was nothing she could do.
Forcing back tears, Puffy slid the promise ring off her finger.
Niki’s eyes widened. “Puffy, wait-”
“I’m sorry,” Puffy whispered, tears pricking her eyes. She pressed the ring into Niki’s hand, gently closing her fingers around the slim golden band “I’m sorry for trying to help you. I’ll stop now.”
“No, wait- Puffy, I’m sorry-”
Puffy shook her head. Tears were falling fast now, though she tried in vain to wipe them away. “It’s not your fault, Niki. But this- this isn’t working.”
Niki stared at the ring clutched in her fist. “You- you promised you would love me till the end.”
Puffy met her eyes, sad and tired and weak, but still strong. Still strong enough to walk away.
Strong enough to finally, finally admit that if now wasn’t working, forever never could.
Puffy closed her eyes. “I guess this is the end, then.”
And Puffy walked away, crushed flower petals strewn around her feet.