Chapter Text
“Zag, I swear to god we’ve passed that exact tree three times already.”
Darkened foliage whips past the car window against an increasingly indigo sky. Their headlights are the only ones on the road; the warm glow on the swiftly moving concrete is hypnotizing. The chill of the summer evening presses against their windows, tendrils of wind creeping in through the cracked-open windows and worming its way under their shirt collars to kiss gooseflesh onto their skin.
Zag huffs loudly, fingers tapping on the steering wheel. “No, we haven’t. The trees just all look the same in the dark from a moving car.”
Thanatos crosses his arms in the passenger seat, insulating his hands against the chill by tucking them to his sides, and scowls fiercely. He pulls a hand out of his armpit to stab the window button, rolling the window up and deafening the car against the breeze. “Don’t talk to me like that, Zagreus. None of this would be a problem if you hadn’t insisted you knew the way to your cousins’ summer home.”
“Well, I didn’t know there were people in the year twenty-twenty-one still printing out directions from fucking MapQuest!”
“You leave MapQuest out of this!”
“Just use Google Maps like everyone else!”
“I know you’ve heard me talk about Google’s domination of web services and their privacy issues concerning location data–-”
“Stop it!”
A tense silence fills the car, thick in the air between them. Only the hum of the engine and the road passing under them is audible over slightly heavy breaths, strained with frustration.
“I still can’t believe you left the instructions I printed out for you on top of the car at the gas station,” Thanatos protests quietly a few minutes later. He rubs his upper arms, worrying his shirt sleeves with his thumbs.
Zagreus keeps his eyes on the road ahead, his face contorting in chagrin. “I said I was sorry--”
“I feel like if they were important to you, you wouldn’t have forgotten,” Thanatos interrupts, locking eyes with his own reflection in the passenger window. Thanatos watches his reflection clench its jaw, and a muscle jumps in his cheek.
“You know I can’t help it all the time,” Zagreus shoots back, his voice thick with unshed tears. “I just…I forget. It isn’t on purpose. It is important to me. I promise it isn’t on purpose.” He takes a deep, shuddering breath, followed by a harsh sniffle.
Than’s jaw softens, and he relaxes the grip on his shirt. “Will your cousins be alright with us arriving late, then?” he asks quietly. “I saw a sign for a motel a few miles back. Neither of us should be driving in the dark.” He eyes the Cimmerian trees lining the road with apprehension, and consciously places both hands loosely in his lap.
Zagreus makes a noise of assent and doesn’t look over. The car is silent once more as he takes the next exit, navigating carefully by lit road signs to lodging. Neither one speaks as Zag pulls into a well-lit parking lot, the gravel crunching under the tires entirely too loudly. Thanatos winces, first at the resounding crack of each of their car doors and then the trunk slamming as they get out and collect their things. They walk side-by-side, but still apart, towards the neon ‘Office’ sign. The hum of the light crackles in their ears, a somewhat unwelcome intrusion on the otherwise peaceful noises of the night. The only other lights visible all around are the lamps for the parking lot and the sporadic edges of light peeking out from behind curtains of other guests' rooms in the tiny roadside hotel. The tops of the trees are barely outlined -- a dark, jagged edge against the inky stretch of the night sky.
Another wince as the bell jingles overhead in a well-kept but nondescript reception area, a clerk with dark circles under their eyes looking at the clock before looking over at the two of them entering. The clerk is silent until they approach the desk. “Checking in?”
“Yes,” they reply in unison, and then uncomfortably make eye contact for the first time since they turned off the exit.
“You’re in luck.” The clerk leans back and places their coffee on the cluttered desk. “We’ve got one room left for the night.”
“Good time of year for camping,” they offer when they see Zagreus’ questioning look. “You two aren’t the only folks on the road, though you are a bit late in the evening, and it’s too early for hunting season. Besides, this isn’t a room those types would usually ask for.”
“Whatever is available is fine,” Than answers hurriedly.
The clerk looks doubtful, but takes Thanatos’ credit card and ID, and hands them back with a room key. The fob jingles as it passes hands. “Have fun, I guess.” The clerk leans back, coffee in hand, and their eyes glaze over once more.
Zagreus shoots a strange look at the clerk as they leave the reception area together. The key’s edges dig uncomfortably into Than’s palm as he clenches and unclenches his hand around it, periodically checking the room number on the fob as if it’ll have changed in the last ten seconds since he looked. The night air licks at their faces, warm and comfortable, and crickets chirp, unseen but heard.
They stop outside the room at the end of the walkway and stand there in silence for a moment. Zagreus shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot, the creak of his sneakers just barely audible over the fading buzz of cicadas. Than finally inhales and loosens the key from his grip, shaking it out from the fob and fumbling a bit with the lock.
Both men tense as the door swings open.
“Certainly not what I was expecting,” Thanatos murmurs, taking in exactly how loudly pink the room is.
“What were you expecting?” Zag asks, dumping his bag on the floor as he walks in. “Because I was definitely expecting Saw IV.”
Thanatos stifles a snort -- remember, you’re still mad at him -- and carefully closes the door behind him with a decisive click, eyes sweeping the room. “Something like that,” he replies absentmindedly, taking in the rose petals strewn over the bed, the mood lighting, the thick curtains blocking the windows. He carefully unties his shoes and places them neatly by the door as Zagreus explores.
Thanatos drops his bag next to Zag’s and flops back-first onto the bed with a groan, panicking as he doesn’t get the bounce he expects, instead sliding weightlessly across the sheets.
“Than! Than, there’s jets in this bathtub!” he hears Zagreus shout from the bathroom.
Thanatos thrashes around for another moment as he attempts to right himself and wobbles -- water bed , his mind supplies, along with what the fuck? What is this, the 80s? -- and opens his eyes to the ceiling above the bed. He slaps his hand over his eyes and makes a pained sound at the unendurable experience of being perceived -- by himself, no less. Zagreus wanders back out of the bathroom and whistles.
“Ceiling mirror, huh?” He sounds far too pleased for Than’s tastes.
“It’s vulgar.”
“No, this is vulgar.” Zagreus waves a pamphlet he picked up off the bedside table with a grin. “Room service just hit the next level, there’s a condom menu!”
Thanatos rolls over unsteadily and bats it out of his hands. “Put that down. You’re sleeping on the couch.” He harshly jerks a thumb at the rather luxurious-looking red leather sofa against one wall.
“But Than…they have glow in the dark condoms! Don’t you want to reenact Star Wars with me? Pssshhew! Nnn, kksssshhhh!” Zagreus mimes swinging a lightsaber, laughing as he kicks off his shoes.
"No. It's your fault we got lost, anyway, so you can take the couch." Thanatos tries to casually swing his legs off the side of the bed and instead flaps his arms in alarm as he flops off the edge with an undignified squawk. He brushes himself off, cheeks flaring as Zag giggles, and stalks over to his duffel to grab his toiletry bag.
“I’m showering first,” Thanatos declares, flinging the bathroom door open, but shutting it gently behind him.
“That was always fine!” Zagreus’ shout is muffled by the bathroom door.
Thanatos showers and brushes his teeth in a huff. It takes a shocking amount of willpower to be as perfunctory about it as he usually is, what with the innocuously placed massage oil right next to the complimentary shampoo and conditioner. It takes a lot more willpower not to let out a wheeze of shock when he opens the mirrored cabinet and finds a sealed container of throat-numbing spray. It’s cinnamon-flavored, he notices.
He manages, though, and comes out already dressed in his pajama set and toweling off his hair. Zagreus gathers himself up from whatever indecorous corner of the room he was inspecting and darts in after Thanatos with a quick “My turn!”, the door nearly catching on his heel in his haste.
Thanatos is reading on his phone in bed, damp towel forgotten around his shoulders, when Zagreus barges back out, whistling cheerfully. A cloud of steam follows him, clinging to his bare shoulders as he sashays around the room in naught but his own towel.
“Put something on,” Than demurs, clutching his pajama top as if it will protect him from Zag’s indecency, but his eyes wander over toned lats as Zag turns his back to him to dig fresh underwear out of his bag.
“Oh come on, Than,” Zagreus laughs. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” He follows up with a conspiratorial wink, as if cueing him in for an audience that isn’t there. He pulls the underwear up under the towel, letting his partner’s boundary guide him despite his teasing.
Thanatos rolls his eyes. “Nothing I haven’t seen before while you’re sleeping on the couch,” he retorts, returning to his phone.
“Oh come on, you’re really going to make me do that?” Zag’s towel falls, clean if somewhat damp-spotted boxer briefs beneath it. He drops the towel next to the bed, and pouts as he perches on the edge, wobbling slightly. “We were in a car all day. It looks like a nice enough couch, but sleeping on it would probably be literal Hell on my back.”
The options float in Thanatos’ mind like a rerun of Let’s Make a Deal. On one hand, he could insist Zagreus take the couch -– show that he respects himself enough not to go back on his word, like he talked about in therapy. Conversely, not capitulating would likely lead to a sore, unhappy Zag in the morning -– one that even coffee couldn’t cure. On the other, the waterbed truly was massive, but no bed of any size would prevent Zagreus from latching on in his sleep, like particularly languorous koala, and Than wasn’t fully sure he wanted to cuddle like nothing was wrong when he was still frustrated, quickly diminishing though his anger might be.
“Okay, fine.” Thanatos runs the risks in his head, and makes up his mind. “We can share the bed. But that’s your side, and this is mine. I’m still mad at you.”
Zagreus yips in delight, dashing over to the other side of the bed. “Towel!” Thanatos reminds him before he reaches the sheets, and Zagreus dutifully trudges back over to pick up the damp cloth he’d abandoned in his excitement.
“Mine too, please.” Than slides his own towel off one shoulder, offering it out to Zagreus, who nods and bundles it up into his arms with his own. He bolts back from the bathroom, towels restored to the rack, and dives belly-first onto the bed with a soft whoop, Than clinging to the bed as it jiggles with the addition of new and sudden movement. Zagreus eagerly kicks himself into a comfortable position, cricketing his legs atop the sheets and delighting in each new wave in the bed.
A quiet calm passes over the room as Zagreus grabs his phone from the bedside table and they both scroll side-by-side for a few minutes. Thanatos glances over at a movement out of the corner of his eye, seeing Zagreus’ shoulders tense and mouth work, a small, sharp inhale paving the way for a rush of words on exhale. Instead, a tiny sigh spills from Zagreus’ pouting mouth, and Thanatos carefully places his phone screen down on his belly.
“Yes?” he prompts gently. Softly. Like Zagreus is a frightened rabbit, ready to sprint into the brush should he make a noise too loud or a move too sudden.
Another minute breath. “I’m sorry,” Zagreus mumbles into the edge of his phone, pressing it to his lips. “I…understand that you’re upset because we got lost and you wanted to be on time. I know that punctuality is important to you. And that it’s my fault – my responsibility – that I lost the directions.” An adorably crooked tooth edge appears as Zag worries his bottom lip in an anxious nibble. Thanatos sees the breath building in his chest and waits patiently.
“But, I…” Zagreus looks up, pulling the phone away from his mouth and studying Than’s expression with scrutiny. A small nod from Than, and that breath in his chest takes flight in the form of words. “When you tell me I wouldn’t forget things if they were important to me, it makes me feel…bad. Guilty. I’m doing my best and I know it isn’t always enough, but I don’t want to feel like I’m not enough for you.”
Thanatos frowns and nods, the memory of earlier that evening returning with the barb of his own words burred into it, tangled with the knowledge of the hurt he’d inflicted, however unintentionally. Zagreus fidgets, the stimming not quite the same as the tactile joy from when he first laid down on the bed.
“I’m sorry, too.” Thanatos begins slowly. He wiggles down, shifting the pillows propping him up lie face-to-face with Zagreus, mind swirling with competing thoughts about how to proceed. “I’m…anxious about seeing your family. I know most of them don’t like me much, and I was nervous about that to begin with, but that isn’t your fault and you don’t deserve to have that taken out on you.” A deep breath buoys his meager confidence, and he adjusts the sheets to shield his midsection, averting his eyes and petting at the downturned cover while he turns words over in his head. “I also should have asked you which method you preferred for the map, since you were driving and I wasn’t. It wasn’t fair of me and I will ask in the future.” Brown fingers worry at a loose thread in the sheets, tugging at it roughly, until Zag’s own nail-bitten ones cover them, stilling the nervous picking with a gentle touch.
“I never meant to make you feel like you aren’t enough, even though I ended up doing that,” he finishes in a ginger tone, gaze lifting again to mismatched green-and-brown eyes. “You are. I know you’re doing your best, and I love you the way you are.”
“Thank you for listening to me,” Zagreus responds in a hoarse whisper. “I love you, too.” They wordlessly lace their fingers together with a tender squeeze.
“I’m going to turn the lights out now, alright?” Thanatos rolls onto his back, fingers reluctantly unclasping from Zagreus’. “I’d like us both to be up early so we can get to your cousins’ on time.”
“Not quite yet, please. If there’s a dimmer, that’s fine, but I don’t want to look at my phone in the dark.” Zagreus lifts his phone again and looks over the top of his screen at Than with soft eyes.
“Mmm. Alright.” Thanatos leaves his phone next to the table lamp, settles under the sheets, and rolls over.
The distant murmur of voices through the wall that had been on and off as they turned in for the night -- the TV and natural human ambience, Thanatos had assumed -- have taken a turn for the erotic, and moans start to drift through the wall above their heads. A moment of intense, mortifying eye contact passes as Thanatos and Zagreus process what is happening in tandem, and Thanatos briskly pulls a pillow over his head. He presses the pillow around his ears, curling in on himself as Zagreus clambers to his knees with a cackle.
“I guess we’re not the only romance room, huh?” he teases Thanatos, poking his shoulder gently. Thanatos lets out an exaggerated moan of despair. “Oh, love, it’s not that bad.”
“It is that bad. I have no interest in hearing other people…copulate!” Thanatos groans through the pillow.
“‘Copulate’? Alright, old man,” Zagreus snickers. He sits back on his haunches and surveys the wall for a moment before wiggling his eyebrows at Thanatos with a smirk, then smacking the wall with both hands. “Oh, yes, Thanatos, harder!"
“Zagreus!” Thanatos hisses, the pillow coming up to reveal a baleful glare. “What are you doing?”
“Having fun,” his partner responds, failing to restrain a giggle. Thanatos buries his face further in the cotton as Zagreus slaps the wall a few more times, giggling through wordless, exaggerated porn star moans.
"Zagreus, no one actually moans like that." An annoyed hazel eye peeks out of its blanket cave, and Than emerges like a grouchy bear disturbed from its midwinter slumber.
"Well, I do now."
"No, don't--come on." Thanatos slumps, pulling the pillow under his chest to wrap his torso around to squeeze.
“I bet you’re just saying that because you couldn’t do a better job than I can,” Zagreus grins, the rising challenge expectant in his voice.
"What, like you could do any better?" Thanatos lifts his head from the pillows at the playful provocation.
"Undoubtedly."