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It really was a testament to how much fucking paperwork went along with promotion back to the Premier League that Trent’s mystery source didn’t occur to her before his text came through. Of course she was concerned for Ted. How could she not be, with the way he was clearly putting on a brave face for everyone in the wake of his biggest struggles being revealed to the world. She knew she needed to check in with him for much longer than the five minutes they’d been managing; it was part of the reason she’d given him and Beard the day off. But even with Higgins’s help, Rebecca was so bogged down that she was beginning to contemplate starting a bonfire in her office bin and running off to Majorca. She could take Ted. Surely he hadn’t made it Majorca yet; and if you were forced to deal with your feelings what better place to do it than a fucking beach?
Today: 13:03
Trent Crimm
She rolled her eyes and waited for the inevitable follow up of “The Independent”. Then she jolted a bit when she remembered Ted’s incredibly vague explanations about Trent no longer working for the paper. She had been so entrenched in the promotion process that she hadn’t even thought to question any further why the man was no longer a reporter. Rebecca eyed the little dots that indicated his further typing with no small measure of curiosity.
I’ve been keeping an eye on the news for what I thought would be the inevitable blow up, but I should have known that Ted would see it as ignoble to make a big deal about the situation
Rebecca’s spine stiffened as she read the last. “What?” The word echoed sharply in her empty office as she waited for more.
Today: 13:04
Because Ted is so noble, and because I sense that this would have hurt him very deeply, I’m going to assume that he didn’t tell you who my source was for the article.
“What. The. Fuck?”
Nate was my source. I was fired for telling Ted, but I respect him too much to have kept quiet. I also know that he shouldn’t be going through this alone. Though I suspect the inimitable Coach Beard has probably put two and two together as they’re so close, Ted’s a good man who could always use more people in his corner. Do with that what you will Ms. Welton.
“Holy fucking shit!”
Ted knew that living the pseudo hermit life wasn’t the best choice of reaction to everything going on in his life. Hell, Sharon and his new therapist had both told him that holing up in his apartment probably (okay definitely) wasn’t the best coping mechanism. But in his defense, he’d been at the club most days for over a week, and this was the first time he’d spent the entire day in his sweats watching sappy movies and drinking more whiskey than was strictly healthy. Sure, he’d spent a fair amount of time contemplating where the hell he had gone wrong, but today was the first day of the combo platter of all those things. He was pretty sure that Rebecca’s insistence that he and Beard take that Friday off was mostly due to the two of them being more of a hinderance than a help when it came to all the paperwork she and Higgins were slogging through, but he’d take it nonetheless.
He had just glanced at the clock and absently noted that he should probably have some lunch when there was an entirely unexpected knock at his door. Ted’s brow furrowed as he contemplated who would be showing up in the middle of the day during the off season. Keeley was busy getting her new business going, and unless he was mistaken, Roy had taken off for Marbella the day before, albeit reluctantly. The Diamond Dogs meeting about that whole situation had been very long and involved many pints.
Rebecca and Higgins should both be at the office, Beard was spending their unexpected long weekend with Jane, and Nate… well it was best not to dwell on that. Either way, the knocking was persistent and Theodore Lasso would never leave someone waiting at his doorstep; so he reluctantly heaved himself off the couch and went to answer.
When he swung the door open and found Rebecca on the other side, he felt a small smile lift the corners of his mouth. Even in his current mood, it was always good to see her. “Well hey Boss, fancy seeing you here.”
“Nathan?” It came out as a growl with no preamble.
Ted sighed and rested his forehead against the doorframe for a moment before stepping aside. “You’d better come in Boss.”
Rebecca strode past him to put her bag down on his kitchen table, then followed him into the living room after he had closed the door behind them.
He sank down on the couch and looked up at her. “Beard?” He asked
“Trent.”
He let his eyes fall closed and his head tip back against the couch. “Shoulda known he’d say something now he doesn’t have to keep his lips zipped.”
When he raised his head again he found Rebecca pacing the length of his living room on her tall heels, looking madder then he’d ever seen her. Her shoulders were tight, the hem of her loose skirt was swirling around her knees with her quick movements, and her hands began to gesture wildly as she started to speak.
“That ungrateful little shit! How could he betray the team like that? How could he betray you like that?”
He leaned forward, forearms on his knees. “Well…” Green eyes flashed at him and he eased back again. “Nope, not now, got it.”
Rebecca returned to her pacing and her anger, seemingly getting more worked up by the second. “You gave that man everything. He was pushing forty and handing out towels and water bottles when you met him, for Christ’s sake! If you hadn’t plucked him out of fucking obscurity he’d probably still be doing it. Heaven knows I would never have thought to promote him. Your influence is the only thing that ensured he wasn’t being shoved in clothes hampers with sweaty kit any longer!”
Of course Ted had thought of all of this, though in kinder terms, while he’d been spiraling about the whole thing. He knew logically what he had done for Nate, but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t nice to hear it from someone other than his own brain and his best friend of over twenty years. “Rebecca.”
“You treated that man like a son and he treated you like garbage!”
One of her heels caught in the carpet, and Ted watched as she stumbled briefly, kicked the shoes off, and then kept pacing so seamlessly that he never would have guessed she’d faltered. “Wow,” he said, awed. “I kinda understand why Keeley wants the two of you to invade France.”
“Of course she told you that,” she responded exasperatedly. The comment did finally derail the anger train she’d been riding since Trent’s text almost an hour before, and she stopped for a moment to really take Ted in.
In some ways he looked the same he always did, even though it was slightly jarring to see him out of his many layers and with more stubble than she’d ever seen on him. He looked calm and comfortable, with his long legs clad in soft sweats and wearing a t-shirt that advertised barbecue sauce, but when she looked closer there was a new sadness and a fatigue around his eyes that she absolutely hated. That more than anything took the last bit of wind out of her sails and she felt herself slump a bit.
“Ted, why didn’t you tell me?”
He scooted to one side and patted the cushion, trying to gather his thoughts a bit as she dropped down next to him. “I promise, Rebecca, it isn’t because I don’t trust you.”
“That’s nice to hear, but honestly I’m more concerned as to why you decided you needed to go through this practically alone,” she said gently.
“Well, you can ask Doc Sharon and my new guy and they’ll both tell you that I’ve still got a long ways to go on letting people take care of me.” He turned his head to flash her a wry smile. “I’m great at acts of service for others, not so much the other way around.”
Rebecca chuckled a bit. “Yes, Ted I’ve noticed.”
They were both quiet for a moment before Ted turned to face her a bit more. She mirrored him and tucked her legs up under herself as gracefully as possible, thankful she hadn’t picked a tighter skirt that morning. Just being there with him, being able to see his face and know he was willing to let her in, went a long way towards soothing her worries.
“I was always going to tell you about Nate; honestly I was. I know how important is for you to be in the loop on something like that. At first I was hoping to talk to him and feel things out before we had to look at some kind of disciplinary action. Then I did talk to him and it seemed pretty clear that his employment at the club wasn’t going to last much longer. I’m guessing you should keep an eye out for a letter of resignation, by the way.”
“If I don’t get to him first,” she muttered. He only gave her a tight smile and she refocused. “Would you tell me about your conversation, if you’re ready?”
Ted shrugged. “Been stewing over it plenty, I’ll tell you that. He was real riled up at the Brentford match, so I asked him at the half what on earth had happened to warrant all the anger he was throwing my way.” He took a deep breath and shook his hands out a bit, but kept on going. “Told me I’d abandoned him, was real upset that the photo he gave me for Christmas wasn’t in my office.”
“Wait a second. Didn’t you tell me at Christmas how excited you were to take that photo home and keep it right next to one of Henry?”
He looked a bit startled that she remembered, but he nodded. “Indeed I did, and that’s where it’s still sitting. Didn’t get a chance to tell him that though. He just kept on going. Told me that I was a joke, that he deserved to be where he was but I didn’t. Said that you should have sent me back to Kansas because I don’t belong here. He wanted more credit for our wins, but was mad that I was giving him credit for the False Nine because it wasn’t working for the boys. I tried to apologize for not bein’ there for him but he was so mad he wouldn't hear it. Just said “fuck you” and walked out, though not before getting a dig in implying I’m a bad father.”
“Oh Ted.”
“Well you know how the game ended, and he just stormed off the field. It was like he was mad that his strategy had worked and he couldn’t prove me wrong. Went back to the office for some water while the boys were celebrating and Nate was nowhere to be found. He just ripped up the locker room ‘Believe’ sign and took off. Haven’t heard a word from him since.”
The silence in the wake of his story felt oppressive, and Rebecca felt like her thoughts were all over the place; but that sadness was back around Ted’s eyes, and she couldn’t let it stay there one moment more if there was even a chance she could do something about it. Without allowing herself to think much, she scooted over closer and reached out to take his hands.
“Please believe me when I say that Nate couldn’t have been more wrong.”
“He wasn’t all wrong, though, was he?” He stared down at their joined hands. “I got kinda lost in my own head this season. Didn’t pay as much attention to my relationships as maybe I could have.”
Rebecca shook her head ruefully. “Ted, if you weren’t as attentive as normal, it’s completely understandable. You’ve dealt with an enormous amount of stress in the past year or so, and particularly throughout this season. I know we’ve not spoken as much in the last little while, but it’s clear that you’ve been on a journey with your mental health. A journey that little bastard clearly knew something about, considering the information he chose to share with Trent.”
Ted couldn’t seem to look up from their hands, and he began running his thumb across her knuckles almost absently. He was quiet for another moment before he took a deep breath and finally looked up at her. “You know my father died when I was a teenager.”
“I remember, yes.”
“Well one day I’ll tell you that whole story, but one of the big things I took away from that was never wanting to let people around me feel hurt or sad when there’s something I can do about it. I just wish I had seen how Nate was feeling.”
She scooted even closer, pressing their legs together to ground them both, never letting go of his hands. “Don’t they always say you can’t pour from an empty cup? You have to be able to take care of yourself before you can take care of others, and I’m so proud that you’re doing that now. Plus, in hindsight, Nate has always been a little….volatile.”
His brow furrowed as he let himself really think about some of Nate’s behaviors for the first time. Beyond his blow up in the office there had definitely been some concerning moments. The fact that he’d kissed Keeley along with his seeming anger that Roy wasn’t upset about it; the mysterious public apology to Colin that Beard hadn’t elaborated on, and the strange way his ego had both inflated and seemed bruised after the Tottenham match. Then there was his constant questioning of Will’s choices as Clubhouse Attendant and the way he spoke to the young man and others around the club, including Rebecca.
“Yeah, in hindsight he wasn’t exactly stable some days, and I never did like the way he called you a shrew.”
Rebecca threw her head back and laughed out loud, the sound echoing through the room and bringing a genuine smile to Ted’s face. She got ahold of herself and met his eyes with a huge smile and a squeeze of his hands. “Ted Lasso you may be the sweetest man on the planet. Everything Nate has done and it’s me you’re concerned about?”
“Well now, I’m concerned about all of it, but Mama Lasso raised me right. She’d tan my hide if she knew I hadn’t been offended by Nate disrespecting a lady.”
She couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at that. “Well, the only person I’ve ever seen you disrespect is my ex-husband, and we both know that is well deserved. You’re also the only person I’ve ever seen manage to disrespect someone respectfully. White knighting wasn’t it?”
Ted chuckled, but winced quickly afterwards. “Now I don’t know about you, but I am too tall and too old to keep myself scrunched up here for much longer.” He nudged her legs. “Here, swing down.”
She did as she was asked and did feel a slight twinge in her legs when she did so, but she found herself strangely bereft at the thought of losing the close contact they’d been sitting in. True, she and Ted weren’t terribly physical with each other on a day to day basis, but it certainly hadn’t escaped her attention that they had a history of gravitating towards each other during intense moments. She’d also be lying if she said she didn’t like the feel of him pressed warm against her and his fingers tangled with hers. Thankfully, she didn’t have to worry for too long. As the two of them settled their feet back on the ground, Ted only dropped one of her hands, leaving her left entwined with his right.
For a moment they sat there in companionable silence, and she wondered when she had last been so comfortable just sitting with someone quietly. Ted had a strange way of making her feel completely settled one moment and heart poundingly happy in another. It was something she hadn’t let herself examine too closely, particularly while she’d been in the midst of her very fun but very ill advised fling with Sam.
She was brought out of her musings by Ted’s quiet voice. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you back after the Tottenham match. I know from that message that you clocked the panic attack, and I’m sorry if I worried you.”
“I was worried,” she admitted with a shrug. “And I do wish that you had let me know you were safe. The apology and knowing you’ve been doing the work to make yourself happy and healthy go a long way, though.”
“Thank you, it helps to hear that. It helped to hear everything we’ve talked about. Even though I do wish I had paid better attention in the last little while, made some better decisions.”
Rebecca practically snorted at that. “Ted, I Rick Rolled my own father’s funeral not too long ago. I had an affair with one of my youngest employees, a man easily young enough to be my child, who then broke up with me using you as a conduit. Trust me, you do not have the market cornered on bad decisions. We all make them; some of us more than most.”
He smiled over at her, that dimple of his making an appearance. “I won’t lie, that situation was a little weird. Can’t say as I’ve ever been broken up with for another person. You feeling okay about that?”
“I am, actually. It’s hard in a way because Sam really is an amazing guy, but it was never going to be something long term. I want him to stay at Richmond and reach his full potential, and I’m selfish enough to admit that I want him here to help us win it all, and because he’s such a positive presence in my life. In all of our lives really.”
“He’s a good kid, can’t deny it.” He felt her hand flinch in his and gave it a squeeze with a wince. “Sorry, that was some really unfortunate phrasing after what you were just talkin’ about.”
She shook her head. “That’s the thing though, you’re not wrong. He is a kid.” Her gaze traveled back down to their hands. “Can I tell you something I haven’t been able to admit to anyone else, not even to Keeley?”
“You can tell me anything Rebecca.”
She looked back up at him then, and between the warmth in those sincere brown eyes of his and the comforting rumble of his voice, she knew he meant it. Even so, she wasn’t sure she could look him in the face while she said it. He had the power to break her open even further, and after everything she’d been through and they’d been through together, the thought was still scary as hell.
She turned her head away, looking straight out across the room before she spoke. “Not all the time, but sometimes when I really let myself stop and think about what I was doing, it made me feel like Rupert.”
“Oh Becca, no.” He moved closer, leaned his head against hers and pressed their shoulders together.
In that moment Rebecca couldn’t have said whether it was the nickname or the sadness in his voice that did it, but she felt a few tears slip through her defenses. “I know I didn’t cheat, and that the only people really in line to get hurt were me and Sam, I do. But he’s so young Ted. He’s twenty-one and I’m fucking forty-seven, and even though it felt really good I couldn’t let it turn into something real.” She swiped at her face with her free hand as she continued. “I saw them all at the funeral and thought ‘My God, he’s younger than Bex.’ So it really did feel amazing, because Sam is amazing. But sometimes it also feels so shitty knowing that I did something that made me feel at all like that asshole who I let hurt me for all those years.”
“Hey now, I know you may feel that way, and I never want to tell you your feelings aren’t valid; but Becca please believe me when I tell you that you didn’t let that man hurt you. Far as I can tell Rupert is an abusive asshole, and you may have have consented to that marriage , but it’s hard to get out of a situation like the one you were in. I’m far from an expert, but hearing you talk like that feels an awful lot like you taking the blame for bein’ abused, and it breaks my heart to think of you seeing that as your fault.”
She shuddered a bit against him but she managed to nod, moving both of their heads a bit awkwardly. “I can’t say that I fully believe you, but thank you for saying it, and for believing it even when I can’t.”
“Well I don’t know if you’ve noticed but belief is kind of my thing,” Ted teased
“Ha ha,” she replied with a roll of her eyes.
“Tell you what. The brave faces and the facades? Let’s agree that we don’t need those with each other. If we’re hurting we’re hurting, and we both have someone we can show the ugly stuff. No matter what.”
“I’d like that,” Rebecca whispered.
The pair of them fell into quiet again, staying pressed close, heads still bowed together. She wasn’t sure how long it had been when his voice broke the silence again.
“Thank you for coming over here today. I don’t think I realized just how much I needed to talk about Nate. I appreciate you.”
It felt so good to have her there; the two of them supporting each other, all the while he could feel her soft and warm against him. It was probably risky, what he did next, but he couldn’t resist the urge to turn his head and press a soft kiss to her temple.
Rebecca’s breath caught at the feel of his slightly chapped lips and the short hairs of his mustache against her skin. Her eyes fluttered closed and she took a breath so deep it felt like she was trying to breathe him into her soul.
“Ted, could you… I mean would you… Would you try that again? Maybe a little lower?”
If she was nervous she needn’t have been. Ted’s mouth curved against her skin, then he moved lower to softly kiss the rise of her cheekbone. “You mean here?”
“Mmmm, little bit lower.”
He did as she asked, feeling silly and giddy as he bent to kiss the underside of her chin. “Here?”
An honest to god giggle slipped free before she nudged him up so she could look into his eyes. “Split the difference Ted.”
“Can do, gorgeous.”
Ted’s hand reached out to brush softly against her cheek, then his mouth was finally on hers; and oh, oh, she should have known they’d be good at this, good together. This wasn’t just lightning it was a fucking electrical storm. One hand still on her cheek and the other wrapping around her back, he pressed her closer as she opened to him and took them both deeper.
She had no clue how long they’d been making out like teenagers when they finally pulled apart. Hell, if oxygen wasn’t a necessity they probably wouldn’t have pulled apart at all. As it was they’d only moved far enough to press their foreheads together as they both labored for breath.
Rebecca’s hand tightened convulsively and she looked down between them, her brow furrowing when she found she had approximately a third of Ted’s t-shirt clutched in her hand and her legs thrown haphazardly over his thighs. “Now when the hell did I do that?”
Ted threw his head back and laughed the most genuine laugh she thought she’d ever heard from him. His eyes crinkled, his shoulders shook, his dimple shone through full force, and he looked almost sheepish. When he got himself back together he pulled her more securely into his lap and kissed her forehead again before his lips moved against her skin. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”
Rebecca couldn’t help but agree.