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"Are you looking forward to your coronation, milord?"
Xander looked up from his work towards Laslow who looked slightly bored perched on the edge of his windowsill, head in his hands as he watched what was going on outside. He was not undergoing any punishment and was therefore under no obligation to stay in Xander's study, but the force of habit must've been too strong and he now spent most of his free time keeping Xander company as he worked.
"It's just a formality,” Xander replied. “I am already a king in all but title."
“Oh, I meant the party. The food, the dancing…” Laslow turned towards Xander with a twinkle in his eye. “Please don’t tell me you don’t enjoy dancing!”
“I enjoy watching others dance,” Xander said pointedly, unable to hide a hint of a smile at Laslow’s faint blush when he worked out what exactly Xander was talking about, “but as for myself, I fear I've never been a good dancer. I shall just have to endure for a night."
Xander thought the conversation would end with that, his attention already returning to the crop report in his hands, but Laslow had more to say. "But it's supposed to be your night! You should be enjoying yourself, not dread whether someone will ask you to dance. Can't you hire a tutor?"
Xander didn't look up from his work. "Laslow, there's no need to concern yourself with such frivolities. I doubt anyone other than my sisters will ask for a dance. Although,” he said absent-mindedly while he tried to figure out where he stopped reading the parchment he was holding, “if you're willing to give me a couple of pointers, I wouldn't mind that."
"M-me?" Laslow stammered, panic making his voice higher. "What makes you think I'm qualified to teach anyone?"
This did make Xander stop and raise his head again, giving Laslow a level look. "I thought we established you practice in the woods behind the training grounds every night?"
"First of all, you weren't even supposed to know about that, let alone the exact spot, and second of all"—Laslow frantically thought of something else to add—"maybe I practice because I can't dance!"
Xander tried to ignore the warmth blooming in his chest. His retainer could be so endearingly ridiculous sometimes. Xander was not supposed to encourage it. "If that is what lack of skill looks like, then I am even more hopeless than I thought.” He made a show of picking up his quill and going back to his work. “I don’t want to push you. If you don’t want to, it’s perfectly fine."
Laslow hesitated, but then he pushed himself off the windowsill. "Maybe I can dance… A little."
He motioned for Xander to come closer.
“Right now?” Xander raised his eyebrows in confusion.
“To tell you the truth, milord…" Laslow gave him a bashful smile. "We might not have much time together left. We should make the most of it while we still have the opportunity.”
Xander knew Laslow kept hinting that he might leave with good intentions, to get him used to the idea, but as the days went by, and Laslow kept bringing it up, even in casual conversation, Xander had to struggle not to turn short and irritable.
He stood up from where he was sitting behind his desk and joined Laslow, reminding himself this wasn’t easy on Laslow either - he wasn't stalling with his departure to torture Xander, forcing him to start looking for a replacement while trying to process the loss of someone who was still right there, still so close to touch - but because he still couldn't fully commit to leaving behind his life in Nohr. Xander had already asked of Laslow to be frank with him and tell him if there’s anything he could do to sway his decision towards staying, but Laslow just laughed it off and said his lord was too kind, but couldn’t possibly give him what he was looking for. Xander didn't ask what it was.
He took Laslow's hand and put his other hand on his waist, then immediately realized he had made a huge mistake - the same one he made when he followed the faint humming he heard as he was swinging his sword late into the night and accidentally discovered Laslow practicing in the woods, or when an enemy lance grazed Laslow's torso during the war and Laslow insisted it was a minor injury, so Xander ordered him to stand under the candlelight and strip, saying he would be the judge of that.
He thought dancing would be safe, but holding Laslow like this was different from holding his sisters or tutors in the past. Laslow told him once that his homeland wasn't much different from Nohr and that he rarely ever saw flowers in bloom. It must've been why he developed a penchant for floral perfumes. This close, the scent of Nohrian honeysuckle, the one Xander had come to associate with Laslow and would probably continue to even once Laslow was gone, was overwhelming.
To make matters worse, Laslow was blushing furiously and Xander cursed himself for crossing a line when he knew how easily embarrassed Laslow was. He had nothing but utmost respect for his dedication to his craft. He wanted to tease him good-naturedly, making an effort to be more light-hearted, not make him so uncomfortable that he couldn't even look Xander in the eye.
"Shall we?" he said, eager to get this whole experience over with so they could both pretend it never happened.
"Huh?" Laslow met Xander's gaze, broken out of his reverie, then flushed even further. "Oh, right. Why don't you lead and I'll… I'll correct you."
Laslow seemed to relax once they actually started dancing, and soon there was a huge smile on his face as he relished his chance to be the one admonishing Xander instead of the other way around, laughing his way through "Smaller steps, please, no one could keep up with this!" and "Milord, are we on a march?"
"I'm glad you seem to be enjoying yourself, even if it’s at the expense of my misery," Xander said, a fond smile on his lips. Now that he was consciously making smaller steps, they were even closer than before, swaying together more than dancing.
"I love dancing so much. I don’t think skill is necessary to enjoy it." At some point Laslow had absent-mindedly rested his head on Xander's shoulder, looking perfectly content there. "It’s about just letting yourself be. Without any pretense."
He lazily lifted his head to look at Xander. "Wouldn't you agree?"
Xander didn't notice when they stopped dancing. All he knew was that Laslow's lips were so close and they were drawing nearer and nearer and— Laslow gasped suddenly, and Xander straightened up, letting go of him as if he had been burned.
"I'm so sorry, I have to go"—Laslow took a step back, desperately avoiding looking at Xander—"I promised Peri I would help her out with— I have to go. I'm sorry." And with that, Xander watched as he rushed towards the door, nearly knocking Peri down on the steps as he practically ran downstairs, ignoring her screaming after him.
Peri appeared in the doorway a moment later, tears streaming down her face. "Lord Xander! He pushed me! Please let Peri give him a nice thwack over the— Lord Xander?" All indignation was forgotten as concern overtook her features. "Is everything alright?"
"Yes, it's—" Xander looked at Peri, not really seeing her. "Would you inform my siblings that I won't be joining them for dinner tonight? I have a lot of work left."
Peri hummed in confirmation, worry not quite leaving her yet. "Do you want me to bring you a meal here?"
"No, thank you." By the time Xander realized he should give her a reassuring smile, the right moment for it had already passed. "I won't be hungry."
"You don't know how to pack your bags at all! You're doing everything all wrong!"
Laslow laughed as he tightened the straps on his travel bag. "My dearest Selena, nothing you say tonight can affect me. I know you're only lashing out because you don't want to admit how much you'll miss little old me."
"You wish! I can't wait to get rid of your stupid face and your corny lines. Right, Odin?"
"Huh? Sure. Right."
Laslow turned to Odin who was sitting cross-legged on his bed, looking uncharacteristically morose. "Odin, are you okay? You're not being your usual verbose self. You know, it's still not too late for the two of you to come with me."
Selena dropped her scowl, looking uncertain for a moment before replying, "I can't. Lady Camilla needs me."
Odin shrugged. "I'd just end up wandering away to some other country in search of adventure sooner or later again. For… " He jumped from the bed suddenly, striking a pose. "Ylisse couldn’t handle two of me at the same time!"
Selena rolled her eyes. "Do you hear this nonsense? Just say you'd feel awkward next to your younger self and go."
Odin striked the same pose again. "Ylisse couldn't handle me!"
"It could."
Odin posed again. "It couldn’t!"
"It could!"
"It couldn’t!"
"Odin, Selena, is that you? What are you doing yelling like that in the middle of the night?"
"Lord Xander!" The two of them yelped in unison, straightening up as Xander appeared in the doorway.
His stern gaze passed over them and around Laslow’s tiny chamber, taking in how bare it was, all of Laslow’s belongings stuffed in two bags on the floor, before focusing on Laslow.
Laslow froze, rooted to the spot by its weight.
"Could you give us a moment alone?" Xander said, not taking his eyes from Laslow.
Laslow tried silently pleading with Selena and Odin not to leave him alone with Xander, but neither of them seemed willing to disobey their king. All they did was look at Laslow with pity in their eyes before quietly shuffling away.
Xander seemed to hesitate for a moment before he stepped into Laslow’s chamber and it occurred to Laslow that this was probably the first time his liege had crossed that invisible line and entered any of his retainers’ rooms.
Silence stretched in the empty space between them as Laslow desperately thought of something to say, coming up short.
He couldn't exactly avoid Xander, given that his job was to be at his beck and call, but ever since the evening of the dance lesson, things have been… awkward. Laslow stopped rambling about frivolous nonsense to fill the time when he was bored, and it seemed to suit Xander just fine. A day could go by and the only words they'd exchange would be Xander ordering Laslow to do something and Laslow replying with "Yes, milord." Xander even replaced Laslow as his sparring partner, opting to spar with Peri instead, and while it stung, Laslow was secretly grateful because the last thing he needed was a tongue lashing for being unfocused.
Xander spoke first, the even tone of his voice making Laslow almost wish for that tongue lashing instead. "I was training when I noticed you weren’t in your usual spot in the woods. I see you've made your decision."
"It's not what it looks like," Laslow blurted out, feeling the urge to justify himself. He didn't want Xander to think lesser of him than he already did. "I wasn't going to leave before saying goodbye, I was planning on coming upstairs to see you, I was just…" Gathering courage.
"I don't blame you,” Xander said, pressing his lips together in regret. “I have betrayed the trust you placed in me as my subordinate, and I understand why you wish to leave my service. But you shouldn't have to abandon the life you built here because of a mistake I've made.”
He held Laslow’s gaze firmly as he continued, “If I am the only reason you're leaving, would you be willing to reconsider your decision? I promise you will never again have to deal with my unwanted advances. My feelings are my burden to bear. And I believe, with time, they will pass. They have to."
To say Laslow was confused would be a huge understatement. He must've misconstrued was Xander was trying to say, hearing what he wanted to hear. It was the only explanation. "W-what are you talking about?"
Xander frowned to himself, seemingly baffled that Laslow didn't already know. "I'm talking about the other day, when I," he swallowed, lowering his gaze in shame, "when I tried to kiss you."
"No! No, you've got it all wrong!” Laslow exclaimed, his hands flying up in his eagerness to set things right. “I was the one who tried to kiss you!"
"I see," Xander said, startled into answering, and then he fully took in Laslow’s words. "No, I'm sorry, I don't see. Does that mean we both—"
"It would seem so, yes," Laslow replied, a small smile pulling on his lips with slight trepidation.
Xander stared at him in bewilderment.
"Laslow," he started, grappling with his confusion, "when you said I couldn't possibly give you what you were looking for… What did you mean by that?"
"Oh, you remembered that? You really shouldn't listen to all the nonsense I say—"
"Laslow," Xander cut him off. "Please. I need to know."
Laslow hesitated, looking away from Xander.
When he finally spoke, his voice was a whisper. "All I've ever wanted was to be loved back by someone I love. And I knew, as long as I stayed by your side…”
He took a deep breath and smiled wistfully, meeting Xander's gaze. “Well, how could I possibly fall in love with someone else? And then, when you died of old age surrounded by all your heirs, you'd be buried in the royal crypt next to your queen and I"— Laslow's voice was shaky—"I was terrified of dying and being buried in a foreign land, under a false name, alone."
For a moment, it felt liberating to finally have his fears out in the open, but the moment passed, and Laslow felt a wave of shame pass over him. Xander didn't have to know how pathetic Laslow truly was. Laslow ruined everything. Again.
And yet, there was no trace of either pity or disgust on Xander's face. He was looking at Laslow like he had never seen him before.
"I suppose you're right then," he started, clearing his throat awkwardly, "when you say I can't give you what you want. You can't bear the thought of dying alone and I made you promise not to die in front of me. How do you propose we solve this problem?"
Laslow fleetingly thought he’d be perfectly fine with dying right there and then. He needed a moment, a strange mix of happiness and disbelief he wasn't quite equipped to deal with threatening to engulf him. He had done nothing to deserve this, in this world or any other. There had to be a catch.
His tentative smile turned into something more genuine as he glanced at Xander. “Is that really the only issue?"
"Is there any other issue you might think of?" Xander asked, tracking Laslow's every expression so intensely, it reminded him of a hawk.
Laslow realized he couldn't name any. He was sure there was a myriad of them just a few moments ago, but suddenly they all seemed so laughable.
"Well," he said cheekily as an idea sprung to his mind, all caution gone. "I still don't know what kind of kisser you are."
Unexpectedly, Xander frowned. "That might be a bigger concern than you think. I fear I don't have much experience - or any at all."
"That's alright," Laslow grinned. "We can practice. We have all the time in the world."
Selena nervously tapped her foot on the floor as she and Odin waited in the hallway. "How long does it take to say goodbye?" She uncrossed her arms and pushed herself off the wall. "I'll go check on them."
Odin watched her with great interest as she slowly pushed the door to Laslow's room, silently peering in.
Selena scrunched her face. "Ugh. I can't believe I sacrificed my beauty sleep for this."
"Ugh?"
Selena moved away from the door, turned on her heel and started walking down the hallway. Odin ran after her. "Selena, where are you going? What about Laslow? Shouldn't we see him off?"
"I'm going to bed. And the idiot isn't going anywhere. He'll probably even still be in the same spot come morning. Good night."
Odin watched her leave in confusion. He glanced towards Laslow's chamber. He should check, too. Laslow might be in mortal danger. Not that Selena would walk away so casually if he was, but maybe it was the kind of mortal danger only someone with great magical prowess could recognize.
He slowly pushed the door of Laslow's chamber, his mind whirling with possibilities of what he might come across, but there were no nefarious forces at work inside. Just Laslow and lord Xander making out.
Disappointed, but not surprised, Odin headed to bed as well. He was sure Laslow would wake him up in the morning to brag about it like it was some huge accomplishment, and not something everyone could see coming from miles away, but if that was the price he had to pay to have his archrival back, so be it. The legendary hero, Odin Dark, would bear it.