Chapter Text
13:45 GST
President Susie Haltmann began server “Dreamland’s Defenders”
President Susie Haltmann changed nickname to “Susie”
Susie added Kirby, Meta Knight, and Dedede to server
Susie gave Meta Knight admin permissions
Kirby: :o
Kirby: :D
Kirby: Hi, Susie! Hi, Meta Knight! Hi, Dedede!
Dedede changed nickname to “King Dedede”
King Dedede: Oh, it’s all over for you fools.
Meta Knight: Less than a minute in, and I can already tell this tool is going to be misused.
Susie: Oh, trust me, nicknames are far from the most chaotic things this app is capable of.
Susie: The main HWC server was created to disperse information through the company efficiently.
Susie: It is currently 95% old Earth memes making fun of me, jokes about Star Dream and Kirby inhaling things, and daily images of dogs.
King Dedede changed nickname to “His Lord Highness, King Dedede, First Of His Name, Illustrious Ruler Of Dreamland, Emperor Of All He Sees”
Meta Knight changed Dedede’s nickname back to default
Dedede: Traitor.
Meta Knight: While I do appreciate the ability to moderate this tool, @Susie, I am still not 100% comfortable with you having access to what is intended to be a security tool for us.
Susie: And I understand that completely. I don’t intend to use anything here against you all, obviously, but if you decide it really isn’t safe, your permissions override mine, and you have the ability to remove me from this chat at any time.
Susie: Additionally, anyone added to this chat will be unable to see messages sent before they were added, so there shouldn’t be any security issues if someone is added that shouldn’t have been.
Dedede: So if I trash talk Magolor, and then add him later on, he won’t see any of what I said?
Susie: Yes, I suppose so.
Dedede: Magolor is a traitorous piece of crap who deserves every burn he got from Landia.
Meta Knight: Surprisingly tame, considering your, other statements about him.
Dedede: I don’t wanna swear too much in front of Kirby.
Dedede: He must be protected.
Kirby: I’m, like, almost an adult, no matter what age scale you work with.
Kirby: I’ve also killed at least, like, two or three gods.
Dedede: You are small.
Dedede: You must be protected.
Kirby: Oh! Meta, Susie, can I add people to this server?
Susie: Oh, sure. I should’ve guessed you’d want those permissions.
Susie gave Kirby invite permissions
Kirby invited Bandana Waddle Dee
Susie: Oh, I didn’t think we distributed the smartphones to the Waddle Dees yet.
Bandana Waddle Dee: You didn’t, I just nabbed one from your company while I was undercover.
Bandana Waddle Dee: Jeez, that username is long.
Meta Knight changed Bandana Waddle Dee’s nickname to “Banana”
Meta Knight changed Banana’s nickname to “Bandana”
Susie changed Bandana’s nickname to “Banana”
Banana: Banana
Susie: Banana
Dedede: Banana
Kirby: Banana
Meta Knight: Stop.
Susie: Get his ass.
Banana: Language!
Kirby: Again, multiple gods, dead.
Banana: Do any of them really count as gods?
Kirby: Look, you didn’t see Zero Two, if that doesn’t count as a god, I don’t know what does.
Meta Knight: To be fair, considering Dreamlanders are literally immortal, the sheer number Kirby has defeated is probably impressive enough.
Dedede: Yeah, maybe, but it’s not like most of the Dees are all that difficult to send back to the Fountain.
Susie: “Back to the fountain”?
Dedede: It’s mostly just a saying.
Dedede: Most Dreamlanders don’t reappear at the fountain itself, but it’s a quick and easy way to refer to the whole, “reappearing after seeming death” thing.
Susie: I think the joke is “I would love to study you”, but I’m like 90% sure I already am studying you all.
Meta Knight: Dreamland is, odd, but you become accustomed to those oddities over time.
Banana: Speak for yourself.
Banana: I was born here and I still don’t understand what the heck is going on around here.
Dedede: I mean, I could regale you with our nation’s illustrious history, from the forming of the Dream Fountain onward.
Susie: Would it be focused on the penguins who lived in Rainbow Resort?
Dedede: Maybe.
Dedede: >:>
Meta Knight: Can we please focus on the actual purpose of this chat?
Kirby: I figured this was just so I could talk to all my best friends directly!
Kirby: Well, all my best friends and Susie.
Susie: Harsh but fair.
Kirby: Aw, I didn’t mean it like that! :(
Kirby: I think you’re my friend, Susie.
Kirby: I just, haven’t worked with you long enough to call you one of my BEST friends.
Meta Knight: And I suppose her hijacking of my body and overriding of my free will has no impact on this judgement.
Dedede: To be fair, he did very quickly befriend Taranza after he did pretty much the exact same thing to me.
Meta Knight: ANYWAYS
Meta Knight: This chat is intended to help us to coordinate in the case of another crisis hitting Popstar.
Meta Knight: The last two times something attacked us, we ended up split apart and unable to work together.
Meta Knight: I wasn’t even aware of the Dreamstalk growing up until after Sectonia had already been defeated.
Meta Knight: And during the Haltmann invasion, Dedede was trapped under his castle’s rubble for days before any of us were made aware.
Meta Knight: Well, any of us who WEREN’T actively helping the invasion.
Susie: Okay, to be fair, I made sure he wasn’t DYING when I took the tissue sample.
Meta Knight: My point is, if we’re all going to work together to try to protect this land, we need a way to stay on the same page, and keep each other updated.
Kirby: I mean, I did already have a phone, you know.
Banana: Yeah, but that thing’s older than Meta Knight.
Susie: Wait, I thought Meta Knight was, like, centuries old, if not millenia.
Dedede: Lol, no.
Dedede: He’s only, like, five years older than Kirby.
Kirby: Wait, Meta, you’re only 22?
Meta Knight: The king is underestimating our age differential. I believe I’m in my mid to late thirties in the Galactic Standard.
Meta Knight: Additionally, if you count the time you spent in stasis in interspace transit, you’re actually eighteen, not seventeen.
Kirby: :o
Kirby: I can drink!
Susie: What? Is the drinking age on Popstar only 18?
Dedede: Nah, it’s 25 for Dreamlanders. No clue what the puff’s talking about.
Kirby: :(
Kirby: Ado said the human drinking age was 18.
Susie: Human???????
Meta Knight: It is, a long story. We may introduce the two of you at some point, but for now, she is a Dreamlander who was born from a human dream.
Susie: That, seems, interesting.
Susie: At some point, I’m going to interrogate you and Dedede about exactly how this Dream Fountain works.
Dedede: To be fair, even we don’t fully understand.
Dedede: I mean, I around the same age as Metty, and the Fountain’s around, what, five millenia old?
Banana: I’m pretty sure it’s closer to five million millenia, if not older.
Dedede: Yeesh. Yeah, I don’t think even Kracko is old enough to know everything about it.
Kirby: Okay, so, I looked at my old phone, and
Kirby: It’s over 80 years old, from manufacture date.
Banana: Wow.
Meta Knight: How in the world were you able to make that work in the Mirror World?!
Kirby: To be fair, the other Kirbys had basically the same phone.
Susie: Other Kirbys?!?!?!
Kirby: Oh, yeah.
Kirby: Dark Meta Knight tried to kill me while fighting Meta, but he just cut me into four versions of myself.
Meta Knight: All just as powerful as the original Kirby.
Susie: ...what the hell are you?
Kirby: Meta Knight says I’m mostly an Astral!
Susie: I...see...
Dedede: Anyways, getting back on topic, I’m definitely in favor of anything that means I won’t end up stuck under 100 pounds of rubble for a full week again.
Banana: I’m sorry, King Dedede! I tried to dig you out, I really did!
Dedede: Relax, Bandan. I know, and I don’t blame you.
Dedede: I blame the pink puff that managed to hijack a mech suit and STILL didn’t bother to dig me out.
Kirby: Look, I didn’t know you were there, okay?
Kirby: If I had known, I would have freed you.
Kirby: Can we let this go already?
Meta Knight: This chat is never going to be used for what it was meant for, is it?
Dedede: Are you really surprised?
Meta Knight: I wish I could be.