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Bakugo Katsuki hated Midoriya Izuku and quirkless people to death.
At least that's what everyone thought, he made it seem like it. He mistreated the other as if he hated the poor boy's guts, since what felt like forever. He would scare the shorter away, soft explosions popping on his hand as a threat. Whenever his friend group found the "nerd" alone, they would make him go through hell. Through laughs and mean nicknames, they'd emotionally abuse him all the time. Sometimes, the green-eyed went back home with a bruised back, a burned uniform, or red palms marked on his arms. Not a word to anybody, just to protect the perpetrator.
Midoriya Izuku cared for Bakugo Katsuki more than anything in the world.
When they were children, they'd spend all their available time with each other. Their families were close and they lived in the same neighborhood. That, of course, automatically turned them into friends. And, for whatever reason, they soon became best friends too. Those afternoons at the park were still Midoriya's best memories, and secretly, Bakugo's too. All those hours they spent chasing each other, falling off, sharing a laugh. It all changed when a very young freckled child discovered that the quirk he always wished to have to become a hero would never come. He was quirkless.
“You can't become a hero.”
“You're useless.”
“What a nerd.”
“Go away.”
“Deku.”
Midoriya was almost perfect for being a hero. Selfless, resilient and kind. Smart, very observant and certainly an enthusiastic one. However, he lacked the most important thing, the one almost everyone seemed to have except himself. A quirk. A power, a gift, a miracle. Something to make him unique, better than others, functional. Something to make him worthy of friends, peace and love.
When he found out he didn't have that something, at first he kept his hope shining. It was hard, but he didn't want to give up. Just let everything he longed for go? As a child, he couldn't let that happen.
“Who needs a quirk? Not me! I'll be the first quirkless hero! I can still be a hero, right? Right, mom?”
He needed a yes. He just urged for somebody to tell him he was capable of his dreams. He would try, he would work hard for it. But even his own mother made the mistake to not trust his capability to do it. A hug and tears that, instead of comforting the younger, ended up crushing his poor heart into a million pieces.
“I'm sorry, Izuku..”
And then, he finally lost that faith in himself. And though it actually took him many years to understand that he'd never reach what he longed for, he still kept himself around hero culture. He had loads of notebooks full of information he picked up about different pro heroes. He was very enthusiastic, and even if he was 99% sure that his effort would go nowhere, he still made it every single day. Well, not that much anymore. Tiredness was catching up to him, as he reached the end of his middle school years. His seemingly eternal patience was starting to wear off.
Midoriya packed his bag, holding his tears in. His homeroom teacher had ridiculed him in from of all his classmates by expressing his dream of going to UA out loud. The reaction was obvious. Laughter, pointing. The teacher had clearly mentioned it on purpose. To make fun of his stupid urge to be something he could never be. Of course! He was incapable of being as good as those who were lucky enough to be blessed with a power.
“Midoriya? He doesn't even have a quirk!”
“That's dumb, even I have more chances, and my quirk isn't even flashy.”
“He's delusional!”
Those were actually the light words he picked up from the chit-chat caused by his dream. Other than that, he heard pretty much every negative adjective available to pre-teens. They repeated in his head while he slowly packed up. He wanted to leave everything there, run away and never come back. He wished to make everyone quirkless, make everyone understand how it felt. He hoped that karma would get them all for what they said. But he knew, none of that was possible.
—Hey, Deku.—
—K-Kacchan!—
The freckled boy got startled immediately, gripping the notebook in his hands while turning to look at the blonde. He had gotten so deep in thought, he didn't even notice those three, Bakugo and those two bullies. He already knew what he was about to go through. He plotted something in his head, trying to not pay attention, or at least not that much.
—Don't call me that, nerd.—
—...Sorry.—
Whenever they started to call him names, he would just zone out thinking about something else, waiting for the end of it. There wasn't anything else he could do. It's not like fighting back was an option, because he was weak and incapable of beating three quirked people being quirkless, shorter, physically smaller... He just couldn't win. He had to stand there and take it. It was always like that, even since they were small children.
—Going to UA, huh? What are you gonna do when you get there? Slit your wrists and hope villains pity you?—
That red winged Tsubasa idiot was always so harsh with his words. Absolutely thoughtless. Midoriya noticed a strange look in Bakugo's face. Guilt? No, it couldn't be. It was too late for guilt already.
—Nah, he wouldn't be that smart. He'd probably just get himself killed in the test!—
That other idiot soon added to the very creative story they had created about Midoriya's hero career, as they shook each other's hands in a strange manner. While the boy mentioned stood quietly, backpack on his shoulder and notebook in his hand, he plotted. What could he even say? If he spoke up, he'd definitely be hit. He didn't want to come up with a new excuse to his mum.
He soon felt a hot hand land on his shoulder. He didn't even have to look, he know it was Bakugo. The hand started blowing up slightly against his uniform, making him wince in pain and tear up before locking eyes with the blonde. How did they end up like that? His first crush, burning his body while his friends joked around about suicide. It was too horrible to be true. They both knew they had so many good memories behind them. All dead and gone, buried by the hate.
—C'mon Deku. If you wanna be a hero so bad, pray you'll be born with a quirk in your next life and take a swan dive off the roof.—
—W-what?—
Though the shock could've easily sent him to sleep, tears finally flowed from his sweet, esmerald eyes instead. He didn't know what to say or do after hearing those words, they were so intense he wanted to sink onto the floor and never get up again. He hated the idea of the other wishing for his death.
The other two idiots congratulated the taller, but he didn't really care at all. Did his old friend really think like that? Was he actually that meaningless? His world crumbled slowly, as he looked away.
But then, when they looked at each other again, Midoriya definitely knew it was guilt he saw in the blonde's eyes. Why even say it then? To fit in? To feel even more powerful? Was the taller just guilty because it was his childhood friend he was talking to? Or did he actually not mean it? Was he just insecure? No, he'd never be insecure with his crazy amount of superiority.
Bakugo Katsuki had gotten a very powerful quirk. Midoriya Izuku was quirkless.
Whichever the reason was, the green-eyed boy felt those words pierce through his heart either way. Every single syllable felt like a cold, dry stab. Sharp expressions sinking into his flesh and leaving him to bleed out. He choked out a sob and immediately covered his face with his free hand. He was so embarrassed to be crying in front of them, but he couldn't hold it in. And those three just stood there as if they weren't bullying him. Katsuki Bakugo stood there as if he wasn't making his best friend miserable. His friends laughed at the scene, and they soon inquired about his silence. He didn't like what he saw. But, when his "friends" talked, he reacted immediately. As if it was a reflex. As if he was scared of what they'd say, he spoke to his childhood friend softly:
—Coward.—
Midoriya's notebook was snatched and though he reacted and reached for it immediately, a loud boom made him flinch back to his place. And soon, the already burned up notebook had flied out the window. He desperately ran there and looked down, noticing it was floating on the water fountain, while the Koi fish tried to eat it. Months and months of hero data, absolutely destroyed.
Why? What terrible thing had he done in his past lives to deserve such suffering? Was he a murderer? An abuser? A villain? Did he do something unforgivable, which he would have to carry forever, in any path he chose? Were his efforts not only useless but also stupid, since he could never escape his tragic destiny?
He was finally done plotting the plan, the one he had been thinking about since he saw his bullies approach him. So, he was about to find out.
When Bakugo and his stupid group got bored enough to leave, apparently over to a mall, the smaller boy started to be on his way too. His body felt weak but he was numb to that pain as if it was an everyday thing. Sometimes, it was. Looking around, he realized he was already all alone. He walked, not realizing how loud his crying was. Tears flowed, non-stop. He couldn't help it. And once he went near the fountain and saw his shattered dream just drowning in there, he realized he had to make a decision. Plotting was done, but he had to choose if he'd go that way.
Keep trying or give up.
Was there much to give up? Maybe. His mother and their mostly beautiful bond was the important thing he could lose. At first he thought he could run away from home and not make her as sad as she would be with what he had actually fantasized with for a while. However, what would that change? He would still be a quirkless fuck wherever he went. Life would always be the same for him. People looking down on his hard work and laughing at it. Privileged kids standing five feet farther from him, no matter which efforts he made.
The only other thing he would lose was "Kacchan". If he hadn't lost him already, many years ago, to the mean bully Bakugo. Even though his body was always aching thanks to his old friend's quirk blasting him for fun, Midoriya still felt his heart beat fast whenever that harsh voice called for him. And the worst thing was, he could never escape that. He knew, it was clear that their fates were tied to each other. If it wasn't that way, things would be way easier in his life. Every time the blonde humiliated him, he felt like it would never end. And, once Bakugo finally got bored, Deku was sure somebody else would come and replace him. And he wasn't willing to wait for that. Not even to keep his mother happy. Not even to keep his love entertained.
He looked harshly at the notebook for a long time, maybe even an hour, right hand on his bag's strap while the left was busy, fingernails sinking onto his palm even until it bled. Hate bloomed in him as he finally walked away, leaving the notebook to be fish food or maybe a very abstract fountain decor. He didn't care for it anymore. There was no point in having it anyway.
He would never be a hero, never be useful, never find peace, never have what he wanted. And he was tired of faking he could take it, faking he had the patience and strength to try, and try, and fail every single time. He was tired of looking at every All Might video and wish to be something near to that. Heroic, the most talented, the one who saved the most people.
“You want to save people and you can't even save yourself.”
He laughed bitterly at his own thoughts. So pathetic. So worthless. Why did he ever think he had a chance? He should've hit the deck when he found out he had no quirk. When his mother said sorry instead of telling him he could be a hero. When his friends switched up on him. He should've given up when the whole world told him he could never reach his dream. But there he was, thinking he had a-
—I am here! Are you okay there, kid?!—
His whole body trembled at that voice as his thoughts were interrupted. And when he looked up, he thought he could pass out. All Might stood, mighty as his name suggested, closing up a bottle that apparently held a strange goo inside. Probably a villian. That wasn't important though, he was meeting his idol just when he thought all hope was gone. That bright smile made him sigh in his intense fanatism. He had a chance! He couldn't waste it. He took a long breath to keep calm, though his excitement was pretty easy to notice.
—I... You... I... You're All Might!—
—Want a quick autograph?! I really need to go!—
Izuku panicked but quickly looked for something he could sign- then settling on giving him his shoes. Maybe a bit crazy, but he had no notebook and he loved those shoes. However, while the big, tall, strong man was signing them both with pride and strength all over his expression... The poor small boy decided he had to ask.
—Um! I'm sorry All Might, may I ask something?! It's very important!—
The man gave the shoes back and kept the bottle on his pants' low pocket. He nodded with that smile still on and the freckled boy prepared himself, breathing, while he held the shoes to his chest. He was nervous. So happy, feeling incredibly lucky, but very scared too.
—Of course, my boy! Before I leave, I'm sadly in a big hurry!—
—Can I be a hero without a quirk?!—
He spat those words out as if they were venomous on his tounge, and it was a need to get them off of his body. He gripped his now signed shoes, looking down. Part of him was sure of the answer, a big no. But a small spark burned in him, saying maybe there was a chance, still. Maybe, the one he looked up to his whole life would also be his savior.
—I... Would advice strongly against that, young boy. I don't think it's safe and I don't think it's possible either.—
The spark died. Those serious-sounding words were like a big bucket of water turning the little and weak match's fire inside him off. He took a sharp breath to handle the cruel truth, nodding a few times and keeping his tears in. He then lifted his head back up and sighed. His heart, already broken before, had now burned into ashes. Nothing was left anymore. Why did he even think the answer could've been different? All Might was a hero thanks to his amazing quirk. Bakugo would be a hero thanks to his amazing quirk. It was always the only thing that mattered. Quirks, power, strength. Just smarts, analysis and willpower wasn't enough. He scratched his head while laughing nerviosly. He wanted to sob, he wanted to stab himself, he wanted to lounge at his idol and get himself killed in the process. He wanted to give up.
He chose to give up.
—Right, that was obvious, I don't know why I even asked, hehe. Um... Your... Your pockets are too big, hold the bottle in your hand, or it will fall off... Thank you for the autograph.—
He didn't even bother putting the shoes on before he bowed at the man and ran away. What for? He wasn't going to use them for that long anyways. He didn't have to care for his body anymore. Well, he didn't have to care about anything anymore. He left his idol standing in a bit of an awe and didn't even ask him any of the hundred questions he had memorized as a kid in case "he was saved by the best hero ever". How ironic, that the #1 hero who he always admired would be the one to basically send him to his death. At least the man listened and held the bottle tightly in his hand when jumping away, the boy was right. If the villain escaped, it could be hard to catch him once again. Especially in his state.
The rest of the walk home, Midoriya actually got to think again about how he would do what he wanted to do. At first, his mother was an obstacle. However, he remembered... She had chores to do and wouldn't be back until 10. Then, he had a few hours. He considered writing a letter, but hated the idea. So instead he sighed and took his phone. Looking for his mother's number. He was lucky she never even read through her texts, and he knew she was too busy to notice anyway. He was near to his home and even if she read it quickly, he'd be done by the time she arrived anyway.
“I'm sorry, it's not your fault. I love you. Please forget me quickly.”
And when he closed his mother's chat, he saw Bakugo's right after it. Should he even tell him anything? He was already by his doorstep and it made no sense to text the blonde, since he would ignore it anyway. He wouldn't care, would he? He never read his texts, or he didn't answer them at least. Of course. Always so alone.
His memory pulled a prank on him, as if he had asked for more nostalgia and melancholy. His little self stood in a chair to reach his mom's phone. He had sneakily taken it and called Mitsuki Bakugo. He giggled when the woman called for Bakugo once she heard his voice saying hi.
«Why did you call my mom, Deku??»
«Hehe. I wanted to talk to you!»
«I don't want to talk to you! I'm watching All Might's video!»
«I watched it today too... I'm gonna be like All Might when I grow up!»
«Quirkless kids can't do that!»
«I'm not quirkless! I'm a late bloomer.»
«No you're not! Liar, liar, I don't talk to liars! This is our last call! Bye!»
And they both giggled before hanging up. They were still so innocent. Back then, before Izuku was actually declared quirkless, they used to joke around with his best friend since everyone had already received his quirk but himself. Little did they know, they were actually right. A few days after that call, Midoriya came back from the doctor's, dreams stepped on and beat to a pulp. And that was certainly the last call they had with each other.
Well, at least until the present, where Midoriya impulsively called the blonde. He was already inside his house, running a bath and looking for all his hero notebooks. He didn't expect anything but he amazingly didn't get hung up on.
—Hello? Who the hell is this?—
Always so aggressive. He didn't even have his number! Not like he was that surprised. Who would have the number of someone they hated? Well, whatever. His phone would soon be useless anyway. Nobody would be able to use it.
—Kacchan, please don't hang up. I have something important to tell you.—
—Deku? Since when do you even have my number? Ugh, typical you. You are a stalker!—
Those words made the green-haired boy sigh and then fall silent for a while. He put the call on speaker and left the phone on his pocket. He wanted to cry again, but he had to hold it in or Bakugo wouldn't understand what he was saying. He took the notebooks, the posters and drawings, and threw them into the bath. The splashing sound was loud, and the bathroom was soon wet everywhere.
—What the hell was that? You still there?—
—Remember when you told me that it was our last call? When we were little?—
—Hah?—
Bakugo was still on his way to his home. His stupid "friends" held him for too long. They had basically forced him to go to the mall arcade with them, and it was pretty far from their neighborhood. He didn't even remember those idiots' names, and still, he felt like he had to stick with them and keep his status. His popularity and power. It made him feel better about himself. Feel stronger and even as mightiest as possible. He didn't even know why. He didn't understand his feelings, or anything at all.
Deku's call was suspicious. He sounded weird and there was a lot of sound in the back. At first, Bakugo even thought the nerd was caught by villains. So, he decided to wait and see if it was just his imagination or if things were actually weird. Maybe he was just paranoid. Still, he didn't stop his way onto his home. He had a very long walk ahead of him. He interpreted it as training.
—After you burned my shoulder and I went back today, I was remembering a conversation we had over the phone when we were kids. I had called your mom from my mom's phone. It was before I went to the doctor's. We had a laugh saying I was quirkless, then I said I wasn't. But you called me a liar, joked around saying it was our last call and hung up. Do you remember?—
—Are you at home? Is auntie Inko with you?—
The blonde tried to collect information but he easily and quickly realized he couldn't. Deku clearly didn't want to or maybe couldn't answer, because he kept silent waiting for the response to his own question. Bakugo set his path to the other's house. Something was wrong. He could feel it.
—Yeah... I remember. We didn't even know back then...—
—That you were right. I was a liar. I was quirkless. But thinking about it know, you weren't right about one thing...—
Midoriya's voice sounded dead. Water, stomps and things crashing could be heard in the background of the call. A clinking sound before he apparently bent over to reach for the thing he had dropped, judging for the grunt he let escape from his throat. Bakugo fastened his pace. What the fuck was going on? What if he was abducted, or threatened, or in danger? He needed to understand.
—Yes, I am quirkless. I'm useless, i'm worthless, just Deku, a nerd. I'm stupid for thinking I can be a hero. My notebooks are dumb too. They can't help me compensate for what I lack. And I'm a crybaby who can't handle that. You're better than me. Stronger, smarter, taller, bigger. Your quirk is amazing and you deserve the hype you get. You'll easily get into UA and you will definitely be the #1 hero in the future. You're the best.—
Hearing those words made the blonde worry even more. The way the shorter spoke seemed as if he was speaking his last words, and it was very startling. Maybe he was exaggerating and Deku was safe, just wanting to let his feelings out. However, he wouldn't take the chance, not in a million years. He had the opportunity to say sorry and fix things. He couldn't waste that.
—Deku, where are you? Why aren't you answering my questions? Why is there that much noise in the background?—
It was so frustrating, the way the boy ignored every single question and just kept going on, and on, and on. Words Bakugo didn't want to hear, praise he knew he did NOT deserve after the things he did. After what he said. Guilt was piercing his stomach, while he switched to running, not a thought in his head. He wasn't even near the house.
—You were always right about every single thing I just listed. I've never heard you say a wrong thing, you're always one step ahead. But I realized that call was the only time where you didn't have the absolute truth. You said it was our last call and you never called me after that. I thought you were right about that, too.—
—Izuku, what are you doing? Why are you telling me this? Answer me, god damnit!—
His quirk was useful, yes, it was the only thing he was greatful for in that moment. He could at least go faster. But, he still needed to hear the call, so he couldn't overuse it. Deku could be in some unknown form of danger, that's all he could think of. If the green-eyed wasn't home, then he'd probably die of frustration.
—But no, you were wrong. Here we are, having a call. Isn't that great now, Kacchan? Our actual last call... You know, I was really nervous at first. But that's alright, cause I was brave enough to call anyway. Hey... I'm sorry you have to hear ir.—
Bakugo furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, he didn't know what to think. Still, he was approaching the other's home quite quickly in case something was actually wrong. Even though he was far, he should arrive soon enough if he kept his pace. But he got distracted by that weird apology, falling back to the ground and running to hear whatever the other meant.
—What..? “Hear it”? What do you mean?—
The silence was loud. While he kept running, he waited for an answer. However, instead of getting that, a loud sound made him stumble forward before halting just for a second, he shivered and almost dropped his phone before he reacted and blasted his way up. He didn't need to pay attention anymore, something was wrong. Midoriya Izuku screamed in pain, him sounding in complete agony. Crying, sniffling and grunting could be heard between each scream but Bakugo could only think that his childhood friend wasn't abducted, threatened or attacked. He wasn't begging for mercy at somebody else. That was also the reason why he kept mentioning the past, and saying crazy stuff.
He was doing it to himself. He was hurting himself.
—No, what are you doing?! Hey! Answer me!—
But he didn't get a single word back. Just screaming, crying. He couldn't even think properly. What could he do? He was almost forty minutes away if he walked. Meaning, now that he was blasting through the sky, he'd spend at least 10 minutes to get there. What if Midoriya had fatally injured himself? He took a sharp breath and fell back to the ground when he saw somebody there. He desperately asked for the person to call medical emergencies while still listening to Deku's call. The stranger panicked slightly, but still took his phone out immediately.
—Don't you dare die on me! Are you listening?! What did you do?!—
He had to be clear to the operator and concentrate on saying everything right and he knew that, but he didn't want to hang Deku's call up. That's why he used that stranger's phone, immediately giving an address and talking about the presumed situation.
—I...—
Bakugo had just finished talking to the operator and blasted on his way again when he heard Midoriya speak. His words where full of hurt, and fear. He was clearly afraid. Bakugo's heart broke in million pieces, how could he let such an important person to him get to that point? How could he put popularity over love? Why was he such a coward? Planning an apology for months instead of actually doing it. He was ashamed of himself.
—I just wanted you to like me. I wanted... Why do you hate me? Why, why...?—
The thought that he was the one to blame drowned the blonde, he bit his lip and almost got distracted enough to fall. Luckily, he caught himself. He had to go faster. Faster, he had to go as fast as possible. He gripped his phone for it not to fall. He gripped it like he was gripping his friend's breathing, not allowing it to fade. He shook his head, desperate.
—I don't hate you, I swear! You're smart and strong, and being quirkless doesn't make you any less of a great person, and I didn't mean what I said today, please, I'm sorry... I'm an idiot.—
—You're j-just saying this because I'm dying, you figured it out...!—
That voice, still sounding broken, stuttered, speaking more slowly every minute and even screaming again sometimes. The boy was still crying, moaning in pain or taking in sharp breaths and coughing, as he choked on his own sobbing.
—No, no! You're not dying! You're not dead yet!—
A conversation they had as kids rang in Bakugo's head, it was like a horrible way of self-torturing. No, he didn't need to replay their moments. He was going to save Midoriya. He had to.
“Hey Kacchan. Do you know the butterfly effect?”
“Huh?”
“I saw it on the TV when mom was watching. It said that small actions have a huge impact. Like, if a Butterfly bats it's wings on one side of the world, a tornado will form on the other.”
“That sounds dumb.”
If only Bakugo had gone straight home instead of agreeing to what his "friends" asked for, he wouldn't have to be that desperate. If only he didn't say those horrible words at his friend's face, maybe the freckled boy would be safe.
If only his parents had taught him to know better. If only he wasn't so insecure. So stupid, so mean, such a bad person, murderer.
—Fuck... Murderer, I'm a murderer...—
Midoriya was growing silent as Bakugo's anxiety grew to get louder in his head. His heart pounded like it would burst. If he lost that boy, what was the point? He felt so connected to the other. They were complete opposites, definitely... But it always felt like something tied them together.
As Midoriya's breath slowed down, Bakugo's kept on getting faster. He was overusing his quirk but didn't care, though his hands were already getting small paper-like cuts with each blast. He had to get there in time. Be useful for once. Be a real hero. Save the one person he always pushed away. Why did he do that? Why the hell did he push Midoriya away?
There was no point in thinking of an answer. He probably wouldn't like it anyway. The only thing that would make him happy that very second, was for the sobbing boy on the other side of the line to be okay. But he wasn't sure he would make it. People got surprised when they saw Bakugo fly over them. Many thought, maybe it was a villain. But he was always careful not to harm anything.
He couldn't give up, he couldn't start crying because that would be accepting he can't do anything. He would give his all before accepting something like that. Every second, blasting ever nearer to his objective, but feeling it so far away.
As his world crumbled away and his love agonized, he felt the sudden need to go even faster. Faster, go faster, don't let it end that way. His hands bled as he growled in pain ands frustration. He couldn't take it anymore.
The sudden falling gave him vertigo and he gasped bracing for impact. It was a harsh one, definitely. However, as soon as he got in contact with the floor, all he could even think of doing was running. He ran like his life depended on it.
His life depended on it. His love's life depended on it. Without the other, he had no fuel. No reason to strive to be better. Nobody to compete with, nobody to learn from. Fucking idiot, he never appreciated what he had. He always ruined his own and others' happiness.
If he was in his right mind he would've been surprised he didn't drop the phone. But instead, he gripped it harder and held it to his ear. He couldn't even hear anything. There was pure silence. Izuku was silent.
—Please! I'm almost there, please just hang on a little longer!—
But there was no response. He bit his lip, holding the anguish. Just a bit more, he had to get there in time. It felt like it had been forever since he had started running. He could barely think, and he only realized that once he was already at the door.
He luckily avoided running into it, but soon kicked it. There was no other way for him to go inside. He would say sorry once they were at the hospital, perfectly fine and having to apologize to their parents for the damage. Right.
One, two, three, four kicks before the door actually budged. At the fifth, it busted open, and he quickly ran. All the doors were open but one; the bathroom door, locked from the inside. He cursed under his breath. He couldn't take five kicks again and he couldn't try blasting it, because that would only do more harm. Since the hallway was pretty narrow, he pushed his back onto the wall and kicked from there. He was steadier that way. One, two.
The third kick opened the door to the worst image he had ever seen. The floor was completely soaked in water. Some notebooks scattered over it, some in the tub. He sobbed, feeling nauseous, feeling like he wanted to throw up, like he would pass out.
—Oh my God... Izuku, no, hey!—
His eyes blurred as he rushed and kneeled on the side of the tub. He panicked, at first. He held the boy's face hoping to see those eyes open, to no avail.
The white in Midoriya's uniform turning pink as the blood accumulated and slowly mixed into the water. Deep, unsteady cuts up to his elbow pit, where the rolled up sleeves' cloth started to get stuck to the wounds. Flesh wide open, it was unbelievable that somebody could do that amount of harm to themselves.
—Oh, fuck!—
A knife, hard to notice at first, sunk into the side of his left leg. His hair wet and eyes closed, an expression so empty. Bakugo dropped the phone, and covered his mouth with his hand. He was scared to check, he knew he had to check. He didn't want to, fear of finding out a tragic truth eating him alive. But he still did.
He couldn't even breathe himself. The adrenaline was wearing off as he lifted his finger to go under his childhood friend's nose. He held his own breath at first and when he didn't feel anything at all, he was going to go for the pulse. But then, a very soft, barely warm air hit his finger and his whole body woke up again. He hesitated on what the fuck he should do, but in just a second he had basically ripped off both his shoelaces and quickly tied each of them to the top of where the other's wounds started. He didn't pull out the knife, it would only make the bleeding more intense. He was acting purely on instinct. He didn't care, as long as it worked.
Carefully but as quickly as possible, he grabbed the unconscious one placing him on his own back. Then he didn't think again. He just stood up, luckily avoiding the chances of slipping, and ran. He ran outside the house as the way to the hospital trailed in his head.
Shoeless, hands covered in his own blood, and his white shirt getting stained with Midoriya's blood instead. He blinked non-stop. He didn't realize he was crying since he had opened that door. So much, he could barely see. It slowed his running down, but he still tried and tried. Kept running, he wouldn't stop. He couldn't stop.
—You can't die on me, Izuku! I didn't mean it, please hang on!—
His focus was stuck on two things. His body could only keep on moving because of those thoughts. He struggled, choked. His lungs, his feet, his back hurt. His hands hurt, the cuts on them. Everything did. His heart hurt.
“If you get him to the hospital, he'll be saved. Move, run faster.”
And
“Feel his breathing on your back. He's not dead yet. He's not gone yet.”
—Kacchan...?—
That soft whisper almost threw him over the edge. But he just sobbed, running faster, holding the other tighter. Not feeling the green-eyed boy's tears falling onto his shoulder.
It was the only thing he had energy for, crying. The situation was so confusing, and at first, he thought he was hallucinating. All he every dreamed of, was the blonde's love. Why? Why was he getting what he wanted when he couldn't turn back anymore? That's what he should be thinking but... There was no point. He was dying. He felt it.
Spending his last moment actually having what he wanted almost gave him a strange type of relief. However, he could barely think about that relief. A hint of guilt grew slowly but steadily, hearing his Kacchan's sobbing, strong breathing in the same rythm as his own weak lungs sighing for air.
—I've got you, you're gonna be okay!—
He closed his eyes, moving his head a little bit but regretting it soon after. It was amazing, how his body felt like it was made of osmium, impossible to even budge. There was no turning back, he would ruin his loved one's lives just because he felt a selfish desire once.
—I'm sorry...—
—No, don't speak, just breathe!—
They both knew the truth. There were no signs of that stupid ambulance and, the hospital wasn't near. The green-haired had lost so much blood, he would probably pass out again quickly. And that would lead to what they both now hoped wouldn't happen.
Though Midoriya let the other run for a while more, breathing and collecting all his strength, he soon used it to speak for a while more.
—Stop... We're not gonna get there... Please...—
But the blonde broke into histeric crying, going against that request and running faster, as fast as he could. He shook his head, not wanting to accept it. He would never accept it. Never.
—Kacchan...—
But he had to. It was the truth. He wouldn't get there in time, he felt it deep inside, though he tried to ignore it. His crying getting louder as his running started to halt was easy to hear. He couldn't let the other die looking at his back like that, hurt, scared. He couldn't do that, even if running would help him not crumble, would give him hope... He wasn't capable of putting his own feelings before that time.
Once again, his kneels hit the floor. Slowly, he let his biggest love's body touch the floor too. He didn't want to turn and face the truth. But he didn't want to leave the other alone. He deserved someone, he deserved everything. Everything he could never be. He owed Izuku his company.
—I'm sorry, i'm so sorry...—
He saw his own tears hit the boy's neck, as he held the younger by his upper back. He closed his eyes. He couldn't bare the sight. How could he? The way things were ending because of his actions. The consequences of not thinking what he said. How could he ever forgive himself?
—It h-hurts. I... I'm scared.—
That weak, whiny voice called for the blonde's attention and, he realized this wasn't about him anymore. He couldn't just close his eyes because it felt horrible to watch. He had to take it. He had to fix what he still could. He held Izuku's right hand, holding him closer. He also held his tears in. He tried acting as if, they were just talking. Just hanging out.
—I know. I know, but I'm right here. Okay? I... I'm sorry... Izuku... I'm sorry...—
They didn't have enough time. Not the amount of time they both wished they had, right there. Not enough to save Izuku, not enough for anything. Anything but the one thing, that one thing. It was the last opportunity they had, not to be wasted.
—Kacchan...—
—Y-Yes?—
The shorter smiled, body now feeling pretty much useless. His lack of strength to breathe making it hard to speak. The taller couldn't stop the way his body trembled when he held his sobbing in. It was an utterly heartbreaking smile.
—I.. L... I love... You...—
A small, pained cry got stuck in the blonde's throat as he nodded eagerly, holding the other's head to his chest, hoping to rid of that horrible feeling, to no avail. Why did he lead them to this destiny? He blamed himself. His mother, his father, everyone. But mostly himself. His voice was now weak too, hard to understand. But they understood each other. Of course they did.
—I love you too, Izuku. I love you so much. We can be together f-forever. Yeah? Say yes, just say yes.—
A small, very short laugh left the other's dry lips as Bakugo pulled him apart, to see him. The esmerald boy was somehow still smiling, holding his head a bit up. All his strength, he used in moving his less injured arm, the left, a bit up.
They didn't have enough time for forever. But, they did have time for a first lovers' kiss.
One that tasted like tears, blood. Tasted just as young love, but also, inevitably, as death too. Izuku felt a desperate kiss. Lips that rushed against his because, they didn't have enough time. Bakugo felt a patient kiss instead. Because they had all the time the angel had left anyway.
Their first kiss. Their last kiss. Forever sharing that title, eternal.
Just one kiss. The last thing the agonizing boy had strength for. The blonde knew, when they pulled apart and he saw the other's small smile fade. They ran out of time.
And then, he let it out. He screamed, and cried, and held the other's dead body, hugged him as if it would do something, fix things, give him a second chance. But it couldn't do more than break his heart. What would he do? How could he live with what he did, with what happened?
How could he keep on going after he lost what he most cared for?
—It's okay...—
He took a deep breath, slowly letting go of the boy and looking at his leg. The knife was still in there. It was to stop the blood from coming out but, what difference did it make if the owner of the body was gone? If it was just that? A body? Even though he cringed at the feeling, he pulled the knife out, sniffling and drying the tears in his face, which resulted in his skin being stained with blood. He couldn't care less.
—It’s okay, we'll go together, I'll go with you.—
He whispered those words while looking at the other but, of course, he received no feedback. If he could still hear his love, he would probably hear strong disagreement. But he didn't care.
Ambulance sirens could be heard, from afar. Desperation hit Bakugo and, biting his bottom lip, he lifted the knife again.
—We'll be together forever.—
He closed his eyes as he gathered the courage to finally, in a quick and precise movement, slit his own throat.
Then time wasn't necessary anymore.