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When Peach sent Mario off to save the Mushroom Kingdom once more, she didn’t expect to have to go rescue him from a giant ice rabbit monster. She also didn’t except him to take the hand of the rabbit dressed up like her after the rabbit pushed her out of the way in a jealous huff. Mario laughed at the rabbit’s antics. He was a nice guy and the rabbids were such a strange, comical type of rabbit.
Peach joined Mario and the others in the battle for the kingdom. Mario would frequently choose Peach for his squad, leaving Rabbid Mario and Rabbid Luigi with Luigi, but sometimes Peach would find herself traded for someone else in Team Two. But Mario never traded out Rabbid Peach. Mario also never reprimanded Rabbid Peach for her consistently rude behavior.
It all came to a head while they were in Bowser’s Castle, chasing after Bowser Jr and Spawny. Once the final enemy in the room was subdued, Mario turned on Peach, “Peach, you hit Rabbid Peach with your grenade!”
“She was in the way and we needed to take out that big one.”
Rabbid Peach blew a raspberry at Peach and hid behind Mario.
“You should have waited for her to move or asked her to use her shield!”
“They were about to call for reinforcements!”
Mario turned his back on Peach and started fussing over the stupid rabbit. Her wig was singed at the tips. Big deal. It’s not like it was her real hair anyways. Besides, she had healing abilities anyways and could fix herself and the rest of the team up in no time now that the battle was over.
Peach rolled her eyes and went to find somewhere to sit down. It looked like it would be awhile before they moved on. A giant gear unattached to anything looked like a good place to rest. Bowser, who does your interior decorating?
Team Two caught back up with them while they were resting. As usual, Luigi’s team hadn’t found much.
Mario and Luigi were discussing strategy and Peach was scrolling through Instagram on her phone when she saw a rather rudely edited photo of herself posted to Rabbid Peach’s account. Peach screamed, “That is it! Mario, it’s the rabbit or me!”
Everyone was staring at her now. There was a quiet “bwah” from somewhere near the back of the group.
“Peach…”
“I’m tired of her disrespecting me and you doing nothing about it. I’m your girlfriend, Mario. I’m your princess.”
Mario closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
In.
Out.
He opened his eyes, “Peach, you will always be my princess. But I don’t think I can be your boyfriend anymore.”
Everyone gasped. Or bwahed.
“I love playing soccer with you. And tennis. And go kart racing. And party games. But whenever the kingdom is in trouble, you always leave it up to me to save it. You’re there for the good times, but not for the hard times.”
Peach blinked back tears, “But I’m here now. I saved you from that ice rabbit thing.”
“And Rabbid Peach has been there fighting by my side since she first landed in our world. She shares her Instagram photos with me and wants to run around and be silly around me and I just…” Mario sighed, “Being with her has highlighted all of the places you aren’t. And I love her.”
She briefly considered shooting the damned rabbit imposter, felt a rush of shame, realized it would only make things worse. The tears running down her cheeks felt cool compared to the burning hot air around them.
Everyone finished their preparations for the next rounds of battle with a minimum of talking. Most of them tried not to look at her while she cried. Rabbid Peach hugged Mario and took his hand as they left, Yoshi following faithfully behind them.
“Goodbye Mario.”