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"Please..."
Begging softly, pushing back against the hard body behind him, rubbing himself against another hardness.
"Need you..."
Voice like gravel in his ear, hot breath against his neck, loving hands stroking down his back, resting on his ass for a moment, then gripping his hips as he is pulled back. The tip of his lover's cock nudging his well stretched opening, teasing him.
A wordless moan from both of them.
The blissful burn of being filled, of being loved, of being had...
--
With a soundless gasp, Colin woke from his dream, shuddering at the intense heat that still coursed through his veins like wildfire. Sitting up he could feel his own cock pressing against his stomach almost painfully hard.
Too long, his whole body seemed to be screeching, it has been too long!
Running shaky fingers through his sweaty hair, Colin looked down at the man lying in bed next to him. Close by but never quite touching him.
A noble. An enemy. A man who had nearly killed him. The man who owned him.
But also, the man who had saved his life and cared for him with all the tenderness only a lover would gift another man with.
Colin could see the longing in this noble's eyes every single time their gaze met, had noticed how the other's hands sometimes unconsciously moved towards him as if straining to touch him, had seen the naked hunger on Sean's face when he had thought himself unobserved. But not once had the noble made a move to take what was rightfully his, what he could have claimed by right of legal ownership as well as by the fact that Colin owed him his life.
On nights like this, Colin wished he had.
Silently he slipped out of the bed and padded over to the window. Snow was still piling high outside. Nearly two month had passed since Colin had been brought to this house and not once since then had the harsh winter relaxed its icy grasp.
The world had left them alone, giving Colin the time he sorely needed to heal. Absentmindedly he rubbed the scar on his thigh. It was still itching. The last bandage had been removed just a week ago but even before that he had refused to be confined to bed any longer. With Sean's help he had moved up and down the stairs countless times, regaining his strength.
Sean's help, Sean's care - both had been constantly present. He had grown so used to the other man that he could feel even the most subtle changes in the noble's mood, could sense when the pain Sean hid so well was close to overwhelming him. It was easy to distract him from it. Either with a moody complaint of his own or some mocking words.
But distraction was not healing and the pain always stayed, just hidden beneath a well-worn mask.
Colin leaned his brow against the cool glass of the window. He had asked himself repeatedly, why he felt anything for Sean at all. Enemy. That was the name he deserved. No matter how kindly he treated Colin, fact was that he was the master and Colin was his slave. That he belonged to the people who had conquered and destroyed his home.
Still he was unable to find hatred for this particular enemy in his heart.
Do you love so faithlessly, a harsh voice asked in his head. You have pledged your heart and soul to another man. One who has fought by your side, one who is your brother, your lover, your mate in every way. Are your oaths that easily forgotten?
But the truth was that half a year had passed since he had been taken prisoner. That there was no way his lover could think him still alive. That he had probably found someone else by now to warm his bed and empty heart...
Never!
No matter how much he tried to reasonably tell himself, he knew that his beloved would drown his sorrow in blood but would never take another lover.
He ran his fingers over the vines tattooed around his right wrist, the mark of his family. The circle was broken, some of the delicate lines replaced by scars.
"There is no way back." Colin whispered to his own reflection in the window.
Still the small star below his ear seemed to throb with heat, reminding him mercilessly of the man who wore its match.
He turned around to again look at the bed, where Sean was tossing restlessly. The noble never slept easy. Colin had heard him moan in unpleasant dreams more than once.
It isn't love, he told himself, rubbing his cock which was still insistently hard. It is plain lust. Nothing a good fuck won't remedy.
If only this noble wasn't so sweet in his gentle care. If only he would make the move, claim what belonged to him anyway. Just take without asking. Then it would be his fault alone. Than Colin would be freed of the guilt of desiring another man than his beloved.
Again, Sean turned over in his sleep, groaning, finger clenching in the soft furs covering him. He was dreaming again, Colin realized. And again, his dreams were anything but kind. The other slaves of the household had told him that it was all the fault of Sean's wife that he had changed when she left him. For good as well as for bad. He had been moody and foul tempered for nearly a year till he brought Colin home with him. That he was kind and understanding ever since.
But Colin suspected that it was more than that. He had learned a lot about Sean when the noble wasn't there to listen. That he had been a cruel man all his life, that the well being of his slaves had been as important to him as the well being of his cattle. Still the Sean he had met so far was a sad man, struggling against a darkness inside himself, struggling to be a better man, as he had said himself more than once.
So Colin wondered if maybe it were dreams of who he had been that were plaguing the noble now.
His feet carried him back to the bed almost against his own will. He didn't want to care and still he couldn't help it. He could just as well have tried to stop breathing.
And he couldn't deny his want either.
He sat down on the edge of the bed and gently disentangled Sean's fingers where they were clutching at the fur covers. Sean's hand was icy cold. Colin slipped beneath the covers again. For a moment longer he hesitated but then he moved closer to Sean, crossing the invisible line the noble had set between the two of them.
Gently he pressed Sean's hand against his chest, warming it. He felt the other man tense as if his body was preparing for a fight but then he sighed almost soundlessly and relaxed as whatever nightmare had held him let go. His brow creased as if in deep thought, then his fingers flexed against Colin's skin and he opened his eyes, their expression unreadable in the twilight.
Again, Colin felt Sean tense, this time at the realization how close Colin was to him. So close Colin could feel the heat of the noble's body. Sean tried to withdraw his hand but Colin didn't let him. Instead he moved even closer, closing the last inches that separated skin from skin. With a soft sigh of his own, he pressed against the firm body hidden beneath the covers, his own body reacting instantly, his heart pounding in his chest as he relaxed his hold on all the fortifications he had built against his own need.
He wanted this.
There was no use in denying it. Closeness and love had been an integral part of his life for so long he simply couldn't go on hanging on to his pledges if it meant being lonely when warmth and comfort were so easily available.
"Colin..." Sean's voice sounded choked, unsure, overwhelmed. Colin felt a hard shudder run through the body pressed so close to his. Every fiber of that body seemed to strain to pull him even closer still Sean's started pushing against his chest insistently.
"Colin... you... don't have..."
With a breathless laugh, Colin buried his face against the noble's neck. It was so Sean to complain even now, to not just accept this gift but to force Colin to admit aloud what it was he needed. Not even this shame would he be spared.
"But I want to." he whispered, his breath hot against Sean's neck. "I want you. I need you." And to emphasize his point he pushed his hips against Sean, rubbing his hard cock against the other man's thigh.
For a long moment, Sean remained utterly motionless. Colin could feel Sean's heart beating but the noble didn't draw breath. As if he was unable to believe.
So obviously more proof was needed.
Gently, lovingly Colin leaned over the other man and laid his hands against Sean's cheeks, gazing down at the other's face, memorizing it in every detail, every single line of worry, the lips slightly parted in what Colin hoped was anticipation, his green eyes wide like a startled deer's.
And then he kissed him, claiming the noble's mouth with all the fevered desire that had mounted inside of him in the last few weeks. Tasting him was odd, so utterly different from the taste of his beloved and still so similar. Running his tongue over smooth teeth, mapping new territory. Encountering another tongue.
That finally sparked a reaction. With a growl deep down in his throat Sean's arms closed around Colin, hugging him tightly as he responded to Colin's kiss in kind. What had been an easy invasion soon turned to fierce battle as they kissed with hunger and a drive to dominate.
It made fire race through Colin's veins as he realized that they were much more evenly matched than he had ever been with his beloved who always claimed him. Not that he had ever minded. Still this kind of struggle was thrilling.
Sean's hands were now exploring his back, tracing scars, fingers digging in when Colin nipped at Sean's lips. The noble groaned helplessly, arching up against Colin, his body seeking all contact possible.
Whatever hesitation he may still have harbored was now swept away. His hands moved lower, grabbing Colin's ass, pushing both of them against each other, rubbing their erections against each other.
It felt good, right. One hand he left in Sean's hair, drawing him into another kiss, with the other he reached down to get a first feel of what he desired. Sean cock was hard and hot against his fingers and another shudder ran through the noble at Colin's touch, his mouth opening in a gasp.
Now that he had finally given in to his own need, Colin felt swept away by it. He had refrained from consciously thinking about how an encounter with Sean might be. Now he wasn't able to think clearly at all. He wanted, he needed, he craved, his body was on fire and there was only one way to quench it.
"Need you.,” he whispered again, their mouths still nearly touching, their breath intermingling.
Sean whimpered helplessly beneath him, his hands clenching on Colin's ass. Then one hand slipped between his cheeks, fingers finding Colin's opening. By now Colin wouldn't have minded if Sean had fucked him dry and unprepared so he moaned in disappointment when Sean rolled both of them over so he came to lie on his back.
His mind was clouded with lust. The present mixing with the past. When they had fucked like savage animals on a battlefield, both of them trying to blot out all the death and horror with some kind of life, both of them crying at the pain in their hearts, the pain they were inflicting on each other only a proper reflection.
It was like a red haze and he cried out when he felt Sean's fingers enter him, in need as much as in memory of the pain. Sean's fingers slipped into him easily and some remote part of Colin that was watching calmly knew that he must have found some kind of lubricant to use. Colin was beyond caring about such petty details. He needed the feeling of being filled, the burning stretch of a cock inside of him.
"Need you," he groaned, again reaching for Sean's straining erection, "please... fuck me..."
He wasn't ready, it had been too long. He felt himself tear when Sean relented and pushed into him. Slowly, much too slowly. With an angry cry, Colin grabbed Sean and pulled him down hard, impaling himself.
It hurt. It hurt so much. And it was so terribly good at the same time.
He held Sean still inside of him, feeling the other man shake, feeling his breath ragged on his face, feeling his heart beat like thunder in his chest.
Counting his own heartbeats, he waited for the pain to abate. One and he drew a shuddering breath. Two and he blinked against the tears hanging in the corners of his eyes. Three and he felt Sean shudder again, moving just a fraction inside of him, shattering his world with pain and lust. Four and he stared up at Sean, into eyes green like the sea of his home, wide and so full of love. Five and he felt ghostly lips touch his oh so delicately, saw another face where Sean's should have been.
And again he cried out, bucking against Sean, drowning out any memory by this new, sharp pain.
"Move!" he commanded and then threw his head back, biting his lips as Sean obeyed.
Everything was upside down. The pain was sweet, the pleasure cruel. Both washed through him, cleansing him, sweeping away who he had been, all the memories and ties he had been hanging on to torn lose, fluttering in the steady motion of the man invading him, turning him inside out.
His body sang with tension, every muscle taunt. This was real, not some haunting memory. This was now. This he could feel, this he could forge into a new base to stand on in the stormy sea his life had become.
He wrapped his arms around Sean tightly, drawing him as close as possible, feeling his solid body shudder and quiver.
"Colin..." Again, Sean's voice was choked but this time with emotion he was unable to contain any longer. His face, pressed against Colin neck, was wet with tears, as he rocked into him in shallow thrusts now, close to losing his last bit of control, close to coming, close to finally claiming what was his anyway.
"I love you."
It was a strange moment of clarity. Colin had known this all along but to hear Sean admit it aloud broke some barrier inside of him. Something crumbled to dust and he couldn't have said if it was something he would miss.
Sean thrust into him hard, hurting him in all the right ways and Colin felt himself melt. It was a soundless gasp that escaped him as he came, all the tension flowing out of him like water running through fingers. Velvet darkness closed around him, blotting out everything but the feeling of Sean around him, Sean in him, Sean coming.
"Sean." He whispered, holding the other man close, running reassuring hands down his back, comforting him. "And I love you."
And it was true.
Yes, my beloved, I love him. May I be damned.