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“Oooooo fancy.” KVRC said, semi-sarcastic as the three robots made their way down a long isle with dirtied velvet carpeting. Both sides of the room contained rows and rows of benches to sit in. The isle lead up to a pulpit where the remains of a pastor sat in a chair.
Lining the walls was giant vine covered stained glass windows detailing some Bible stories that the Robots weren’t bothered to think about much.
KVRC started speaking as he looked at the skeletons that sat on the benches. “From what I’ve gathered, people gathered in this building to worship some deity who will just… give them what they ask?”
“It’s a little more complicated than that. This giant deity created life on earth and has done other things throughout history but as society progressed, It never showed itself or it’s power to humans but would perform small miracles to those to worshipped It.” 11-45-G explained, taking a fan from a skeleton and fanning it as if it was doing anything. “Humans dedicated their life to it, basing their entire personality and lifestyle on it. There has been no definitive proof of this deity, only personal experiences.”
“Well, that’s a little… cult-ish… isn’t it?” Xbot asked.
“That’s a stretch.” KVRC replied.
“Xbot is right. Humans believed that if they did one wrong thing to anger this deity, they’ll end up in eternal damnation, doomed to suffer unimaginable pain… all because they kissed the same gender.”
“Holy SHIT.” KVRC said in shock. “That’s so fucked up!”
“Of course, there have been thousands of other beliefs throughout history, creating the theory that at least bits and pieces of each one connect to one big truth.”
“Yeah, anyway, I—“ KRVC stopped in his tracks as he noticed something shiny on a skeleton’s finger. He tilted his head and went up to the body before trying to pull off the ring, only to break off the finger it was attached to. Deciding it wasn’t a huge deal, he went up to the other two robots with the finger.
“Hey, look! This chick had this shiny thing on it! Now, from what I remember of my previous owners… they had this thing to symbolize their eternal bond to one another. They called it ‘marriage’.”
“Eternal bond… for what?” Xbot asked.
“Well… uh… oh! They were like you and me! Only we’re not entitled white people.”
“Like us how? Man, you gotta explain things better.”
“I was about to! They’re like you and me because they were involved in each other romantically.”
Xbot nodded, processing those words. Of course he and KVRC had been a thing for a while now but hearing KVRC say it sounded strange. It wasn’t bad, though. It was just new to him.
“Okay… but why did they need some shiny thing for it?”
“I dunno! Humans love shiny things to show their accomplishments!”
“Okay… so they just wear these things and that’s it?”
“Well, they also have a ritual where they exchange their devotion to each other in front of loved ones.” The triangular robot explains. “A priest or pastor usually initiates the ritual but… we don’t have one clearly. So, I can be the priest.”
“What do we need one for?”
“Ooooo! I’m picking up what you’re putting down, sister! Xbooooot~?” KVRC turned to his boyfriend with a smile as he yanked the ring off of the severed finger.
“Oh god- what?”
“Honey. Darling. Handsome—“
“Just spit it out.”
KVRC cleared his nonexistent throat before standing up straight and holding up the shiny ring. “You make me the happiest robot in this apocalyptic wasteland and I would love it if you would marry me.”
Xbot stared at him in amusement, shaking his head. If he was able to smile, he’d look like an idiot.
“We can do it all here! We have the ring, we have a church, we have a… priest? It’s perfect!” KVRC said, bouncing a bit in excitement. Xbot has never seen him so excited for something and it was clear he wasn’t asking just because it’ll be fun. He really wanted this.
With a small chuckle, Xbot shook his head. “What the hell. Where else am I gonna find a tiny, annoying orange robot?”
“YES!” KVRC jumped happily before climbing up the steps of the pulpit and motioning the other two to follow. Xbot stood in front of the small orange robot, admittedly very awkwardly. This was a very new thing to him. I mean, he was created for war. He was created to kill and ask questions later. Love was not something he was programmed with. That is until the fall of humanity where a small damaged robot found an equally damaged robot and kept him close. KVRC never let him go the moment they met. He promised that they’d stick together like super glue and the day they part is the day he fucking dies.
Xbot should’ve known all of the flirting, arguing and promises to each other would come to this.
“Wait— I know there’s a speech at the start and vows to exchange but I’m not a total sap so…” KVRC said. “Let’s skip to the ‘I do’s, okay, GG?”
“Alright. But you’ll have to repeat after me.”
“There’s more to it?”
“Yes. Lets just get it over with.”
KVRC sighed and nodded, taking Xbot’s hands into his own tiny ones. “Okay, let’s do this.”
11-45-G started. “I, K-VRC, take you, XBOT 4000…”
“I, K-VRC, take you, XBOT 4000…”
“We really need individualized names.” Xbot said, causing KVRC to giggle.
11-45-G just continued. “… to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse…”
“… to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse…”
“… for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health…”
“… for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health…”
“This is so tedious.” Xbot chuckled.
“But it’s fun, isn’t it?” KVRC said with a smile before the triangular robot continued.
“… to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
“… to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” KVRC finally finished with excitement waiting to explode out of his tiny body.
Xbot then repeated the same thing, albeit a little more awkward than KVRC but that’s just who he was. And KVRC loved him for it. They were complete opposites and that’s why they fell in love in the first place.
“Now, the ring.” 11-45-G said. KVRC didn’t have a heart but he felt like his circuits where going haywire with excitement as he held one of Xbot’s hands and slipped the ring gently over his finger.
“It’s a perfect fit.” KVRC said, not a hint of sarcasm or humor. He looked up at his now husband with the sweetest smile that made the taller robot’s nonexistent heart melt. They loved each other so much and he felt it.
“By the power I don’t have, under zero human laws, I new pronounce you husband and… husband.”
KVRC let out a squeal, something the other two robots rarely hear. The tiny robot shot up into his husband’s arms with the rockets on his feet, his own arms around Xbot’s neck as he hugged him tightly.
“You may kiss the robot.” The triangular robot finished, watching the two robots share a moment of just taking each other in.
And with very little grace, they made a terrible attempt at kissing one another. Unfortunately, a screen and a mouth that can’t even move normally we’re not made for smooching. So their faces unglamorously bumped into each other, causing both to groan a bit at the slight pain.
KVRC couldn’t help but let out the cutest giggle that turned into full on laughter as he hugged his new husband tightly. “WE’RE MARRIED!! ISN’T THAT AWESOME!?”
Xbot chuckled and hugged him back, tightly as 11-45-G was doing… something? She couldn’t clap or anything but they knew she was congratulating them.
“It’s amazing.” Xbot said softly. “I love you…”
KVRC looked up at him and sighed, kissing his own hand and pressing it against Xbot’s lips. That’s the best they can do when it comes to kissing. “I love you more, big guy…”
“Okay… now that that’s settled, we should get goi—“
“Wait! Before we go, what’s a special thing do you wanna do? Y’know, first thing to do as a married couple?”
“Oh— uh… I mean— I dunno. I never thought I’d get this far. What do married people do?”
“Have kids but none of us can give birth and I’m not ready for a kid right now.”
“GG?” Xbot asked, looking over to their friend.
“Well, humans were typically very sexually active beings so the first thing they’d do is engage in sexual intercourse.” She explained.
KVRC and Xbot looked at each other awkwardly. “I don’t think we have the equipment for that… at least not yet.” KVRC replied.
“Yeahhh, lets put a pin in that.” Xbot added, putting his husband down, much to the smaller robot’s dismay.
“So, it’s not off the table?” KVRC teases. “Damn, Xbot, didn’t know you wanted me THAT bad~”
“Okay, enough. Don’t be annoying five minutes into our marriage.”
“You love it~! Now, c’mon! We have married couple things to do!”
And with that the three robots exited the church and went off to discover more things. KVRC and Xbot felt happier doing things together now that they’re married.
Not much changed but knowing they belong to each other and other robots will know just by looking at them made the two both happy.
Any potential discoveries they make could EVER be better than this.