Chapter Text
Akaashi looked at his reflection in the airplane’s window. The image wasn’t that clear and yet he could see the black circles under his eyes. How endearing.
On the little table before him was one out of the five books he had to read for his upcoming exam, and although he wouldn’t usually bring work with him on his brief visits to Japan, this time he made an exception. After all, who would consider a funeral an actual vacation?
Akaashi absentmindedly flipped the pages, letting his eyes scan through random lines. The name ‘Deirdre’ seemed to pop up a lot. Akaashi closed the book to look at the cover. Oh, right. It was about Irish folklore, that made sense.
He relaxed on the seat and closed his eyes, hoping to rest for the last few hours of the flight.
He loved his mom and his other relatives, but he knew that once alone with her she would start asking questions about university, friends, if he was eating properly, if he was keeping his apartment clean and so on. Akaashi began to unconsciously practice answering each and every possible question.
University is tough but I enjoy it. That, at least, was almost true, except for the times he couldn’t bring himself to get out of the bed and at least take a shower.
I have some friends I hang out with sometimes, I told you about Mark, right? Oh yeah, Mark, the guy who once sat beside him without either of them saying a word for an hour and a half.
Yes, I cook almost all of my meals. If shoving a noodle cup in the microwave and peeling an apple could be considered cooking.
I clean the apartment at least twice a week. Although it was out of bare necessity, since it was one of the only two things that kept him sane and gave him a sense of control over his life.
Don’t worry mom, I’m doing fine.
---
“... back, please?”
Akaashi blinked and turned towards his mother, “mh?”
She smiled and repeated: “Can you take the shopping bags in the back, please?”
“Oh, sure.”
He got out of the car and took said bags.
“I know you’re tired, I just need to buy some groceries, I promise it’ll be quick.” She patted him on the shoulder and gestured for him to follow her inside the mall.
As he strolled down the aisles, still only half awake, Akaashi took his time to let the familiar environment calm him down. He knew the shopping mall by heart, he knew all the names written on the packages and the bottles, he remembered the sound of his sneakers on the floor tile. It felt safe.
They eventually reached the line to pay and of course the moment right before it was their turn, his mom remembered she didn’t get the eggs, leaving Keiji in front of the cashier. He was young, so at least that put him a bit more at ease. Or maybe it was the flashing smile he gave him right when he saw his mom sprinting away, along with a lovely “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”
He looked taller than Akaashi but maybe it was just an impression caused by the pitch black, dishevelled hair. Akaashi faked to check his phone and peaked at the cashier’s name tag.
‘Kuroo Tetsurou’. Never heard before. Not that he knew that many people in his hometown anyway.
His mom was taking way too long and he honestly didn’t feel like refreshing his emails for the seventh time in a minute, so he slightly turned his head away from the other, hoping to get a glance at him without being too obvious. He almost furrowed his eyebrows. Was he playing with a piercing on his tongue or what? As he subtly (or at least he hoped so) stared with more and more interest, Kuroo pulled his tongue back behind his teeth and smiled wickedly. Akaashi straightened his spine and blushed furiously. He had been caught.
Thank god his mom finally came back and, as she paid, Akaashi had a few moments to recollect himself and wear his imperturbable shield. Before they left he politely said goodbye, pretending not to notice Kuroo’s lips, which were slightly curled up.
Once inside the car, his mom sighed lightly, then turned to look him in the eyes. “Let’s go home”, she said with a faint smile. Akaashi nodded and fastened his seatbelt. She looked tired. Not the ‘I’ve been working non stop for the last three weeks and my entire body aches’ kind of tired he was used to seeing, but rather a more hidden kind of tiredness, as if all the worries and the thoughts in her brain were physically weighing down on her shoulders, making her breathing heavier and her movements slowed.
Akaashi looked out the window as his mom went through the same routine of questions to which he answered according to plan. She said “You’re growing so fast Keiji” and she said “I’m so proud of you Keiji”. There followed silence, the low volume of the radio not doing much to break it.
Akaashi fixed his eyes on his mom’s hands on the steering wheel. “How are you, mom?”
He couldn’t remember the last time he had asked her such a question, and probably she didn’t remember either, cause he saw her hands shaking subtly for an instant. He glanced at her face and he noticed it tensing up, then relaxing into another smile. Akaashi remembered who taught him to fake that well. “I’m fine, darling. I just had a lot of work to do with the funeral organisation, you know?”
Akaashi nodded slowly, “It’ll be in three days, right?”
His mom hummed, turning to look at him. Akaashi lowered his head and started fidgeting with his nails. This funeral didn’t sit right with him. Few days ago his mom told him her brother had died of a heart attack and that that the funeral would be held shortly.
"You don't relly have to come if you're too busy," Akaashi stayed on the phone with her for two hours that evening. “Are you sure you don’t have anything better to do, Keiji? Just go out with your friends, don’t worry about me”.
He never met his uncle, but apparently he had played a crucial role in his mom’s childhood and teen years; so he sat there, as his mom told him about when she was younger and Akaashi wasn’t there yet, and Akaashi listened. He decided to come back home not really for the funeral but rather for her.
Before starting the car engine, she placed a hand on Akaashi’s knee, “I’m happy you’re here.”
---
At home they were greeted by the rest of the family: Akaashi’s dad and Nala, the dog. They both seemed glad to see him again, and as he was putting the groceries away in the fridge and the pantry with Nala following every step, his dad went through the usual set of questions. Akaashi had already practised on the airplane and on the ride home with his mom, so everything went on smoothly, until…
“Do you remember Bokuto?”
Akaashi froze with a bag of flour in his hands.
Bokuto Koutaro… How could he forget? He had been his first childhood friend, his first playmate, the only person he ever told his secrets to, from kindergarten all through highschool, his first kiss and his first-
"Yes. Yes I remember."
“Dear, there’s no need to tell him.” His mom was standing up between him and his father, a serious frown on her face.
Akaashi intervened timidly, “did something happen?”
His dad raised an eyebrow at his mom as if to say “See, he wants to know” .
“Just yesterday we found him passed out in the middle of our backyard.” he said, crossing his arms. “Again.”
Akaashi widened his eyes, “what?!” His mom gently rubbed his shoulder, “don’t worry, we helped his mother take him back home, he’s fine now. Maybe he just drank a bit too much.”
His father scoffed, “you can skip the ‘maybe’ part” and went back to rearranging his cereal boxes on the shelf.
Akaashi heard his mom sigh, “Bokuto is fine,” she said “now why don’t you go in your room and rest a bit?” Akaashi nodded and brought his luggage with him. He didn’t know if he wanted to ask more about Bokuto.
---
It was getting dark outside, and Akaashi’s luggage was still sitting in the corner of the bedroom, perfectly untouched.
Something was pulling at his stomach, something that felt like the need to cry, hide under the covers of bed from when he was a kid and never come out again, shut the whole world down.
What if right then and there a loud “AKAASHIII” rumbled through the walls of his house. And what if he were to get up, walk to the window, look outside and see him again, as he was not longer than three years ago.
His dad had mentioned that the accident wasn’t the first time, it must have happened before. Akaashi was well aware that when people cross paths with alcohol too often and to such extents, it usually is a sign that something bigger than boredom is bothering them. His mom seemed to get that, or maybe it was just pity.
He didn’t need to try too hard to remember Bokuto’s face, the boy had his own space reserved in the back of his brain, and no matter the years passing, he never went away. Akaashi was sure it could be considered torture. Having all the memories you had with the person you loved the most and you let down the most stocked up in your head, ready to jump at your throat any time they feel like it.
“You still haven’t unpacked your things?”
Akaashi sat up. His mom was standing at the door.
She sighed.
“Come on, dinners ready.” Akaashi nodded.
She gave him a smile, “I made your favourite.”