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Luna was never one to be anxious. Not truly. And if she was, it always seemed to manifest in ways that were different from others. She never developed nervous habits, never found herself subconsciously bound to the bad memories for the rest of her life. Most of the time, it was easy to just accept that being scared wouldn’t change anything. The outcome would be the same no matter how she felt about the situation, so she might as well keep her head on her shoulders and take things as they come. That’s what her mum always told her, and so far, it had worked out well.
She remembered all the children around her being nervous before the sorting ceremony, anxious about which house they were going to get into and swapping rumored tips for being able to choose.
“What house do you want to be in, Luna?” one of them had asked her.
“Probably not Slytherin! ” another one answered.
“Oh, I think all the houses are lovely, actually. I hope to make friends from all of them.”
Everyone directly around her went quiet, and they didn’t talk to her for the rest of the ceremony, which she didn’t mind. She was more focused on the candles above them and how amazing it was that the wax didn’t seem to be melting even though the candles were burning.
What she was feeling now, though, was new. She couldn’t sit still, not that there were many places to go in this basement. It was a little chilly down there, and she’d tried to ask for some knitting needles and yarn so she could make herself a sweater or some gloves, but the Death Eaters had just laughed at her - a strange sound coming from under those masks. Luna knew she had been captured because of her father, and with each passing day, she found herself hoping that he was still okay and safe. The Malfoys weren’t torturing her like she thought they might, and the Death Eaters had been ignoring her after she’d tried talking to them.
After a little over two weeks, the loneliness was starting to get to her. She’d stacked and unstacked pebbles, but it wasn’t as fun without her wand. She’d played with the spiders. She’d taken her time to eat just to waste the hours. But with every passing day with no end in sight, she’d started to worry.
She found herself pacing.
She found herself eating less.
She picked at the skin around her nails.
She wasn’t sleeping as much as she used to.
She startled whenever someone would come down into the basement to check on her, which had been happening a lot more lately. That made her think they were on the brink of something. And for the first time, she was worried. The chorus she’d sung herself of her mother’s advice was starting to get less and less comforting as nothing seemed to change.
Had it been two weeks or three?
Had it been three weeks or a month?
She wished she could conjure her Patronus, just for the company, though sometimes she felt her heart beating as quickly as the rabbit’s would.
Speaking of company, someone different was coming down the stairs - she could tell by the footsteps. There were only a few of them who regularly came to check on her. These steps sounded almost hesitant. She didn’t move from her spot on the floor against the wall, not even when it was Draco’s figure that appeared when the door opened. Though her pulse began racing, she tried not to show it. There was no light besides the one shining from the tip of his wand and the small lantern on the floor of the cell. It must be either very late or very early, because Draco was in his pajamas. Suddenly, the anxiety that was threatening to simmer in her stomach seemed to calm down.
He also didn’t bother closing the door before he approached her. When she looked past him in question, he just replied with, “I know you’re not going anywhere. Also, you’re not going to tell anyone I was down here.”
Luna had rarely interacted with Draco Malfoy before, but in observation, he seemed to be one of the most interesting people she had ever encountered. She hadn’t been in any classes with him, but she had heard all her friends talk. She had heard the gossip, and none of it matched the scared boy in front of her.
“You haven’t taken a Polyjuice Potion, have you?”
“No. But I know you like to talk and I don’t have a lot of time, so I’m going to be the one asking you the questions.”
“All right.”
Draco’s brows knitted together. “They say you never respond. That you’re nice . You never flinch. You never cry. How do you do it? How do you turn it off?”
“Turn what off?”
“Being… getting nervous. You’re supposed to be, I dunno, anxious and scared and willing to give us any information we want because you’re worried about what we’ll do to you.”
“But I don’t have any information,” Luna answered simply, looking up at him. “You’ve captured me because of what my father’s said and done. You’re keeping me here so you can get information from him.”
“You don’t know where Potter is?”
“I wish. I don’t think I’d tell you even if I did, though, since I know you’re looking for him. Though you could always put Veritaserum in my food and make me tell you. I don’t think anybody’s done that yet.”
Draco swallowed. “Why are you so weird?”
“Weird?”
“We’ve had you here for nearly two months and you’re acting like we’ve put you up at a holiday resort.”
Luna shrugged. “Well, what else am I supposed to do? You’re not going to let me leave if I tell you I hate this place.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. It’s dreadful to be kept in a basement.”
“And why haven’t you told anybody?”
“I told you it doesn’t make a difference, Draco-”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Why not?”
“Because that makes it sound like we’re friends.”
“That’s what Hermione calls you.”
There was silence for a few seconds, during which Luna could just hear him breathing slowly and shallowly in the eerie silence of the basement.
“I’m scared too,” Luna finally continued. “Like you are. Probably not of the same things, but it’s okay to be scared when there’s scary stuff going on. You’ve got more of a reason to have anxiety than I do, so I’m trying to keep that in mind before I stop eating entirely.”
“How do you turn it off?” he repeated, tightening his grip around his wand. The shadows on his face moved a little with the effort.
Leaning her head back against the wall, Luna closed her eyes, thinking. If she kept them closed for long enough, she could see the constellations hidden behind the roof of Malfoy Manor. “You don’t,” her mothers words came again. “If it’s something you can solve, you solve it. If it’s something you can change, you change it. If it’s not either of those things, then you have to accept that you’re not in control of the world around you, but things work out the way they’re supposed to, in the end.”
“Change things?”
“Mmhmm. Even a small decision can have a big impact.”
“You’re telling me I can fix this?”
“If you want to. If you have the means,” she hummed. “I do hope you try to fix it quickly, though. This floor is rather uncomfortable.”
More silence followed until Luna heard the door close, and when she opened her eyes, Draco was gone, but he’d left a pillow.