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Garnet found them unfused at the bottom of the sea. Jasper’s chains were fastened to a bed of coral, and Lapis watched nearby, perched atop the mast of a wrecked ship.
Lapis bristled, shoulders raised and glaring, but Garnet backed away. She knew her limits and she would be back with Pearl and Amethyst. Probably not with Steven.
They had to move now. Jasper was happy to stretch her legs finally, but Lapis was panicking. She knew she could defend herself. Before Steven’s shield had interrupted their last fight, she had been winning. But something dark lurked over her head, prickling the back of her neck. Dark thoughts. Worry. She was unsettled. Even Jasper sensed this. She didn’t fight with Lapis as they walked, fleeing with composure.
The water lead between them was not taut. For once, Jasper did not rush past Lapis like an eager dog, or submit to being dragged by her warden. Strangely, they walked side by side in silence, the day passing overhead.
When dark came, turning the ocean black, Jasper finally spoke. “Fuse with me.”
Lapis blinked. The proposition was familiar. Her skin crawled at the memory of their fusion. She would never forget the anomaly of emotions she felt as Malachite.
“No,” she said.
As familiar as the words were to Lapis, Jasper’s tone was different. The offer was legitimate. There were no loopholes, no ploy to have the upper hand, because Jasper knew it just wasn’t possible.
“They’re coming back,” Jasper pressed.
“I know.”
“Why are you running? We both know you can take them-- why didn’t you stop that ‘shameless display’ in the first place?”
Lapis didn’t answer; she kept walking. Jasper stopped, the chain firm between them.
“Brat! Don’t ignore me!”
Her feet began to sink in the sand defiantly. In the end Jasper was dragged along the seabed, the chains digging into her skin, and if she had needed to breathe, she would have choked. She berated Lapis with questions, taunted her, called her weak, only to moments later demand why she wasn’t going to fight back. She was strong enough in Jasper’s eyes after all.
Lapis spun around to face Jasper, her teeth as sharp as a piranha's.
“I don’t know, okay!” Her hair stood on end, sharp and venomous like the lion fish drifting past. “I hesitated,” she bit out, shaking.
She turned around to walk again, and this time, Jasper uprooted her feet to walk again at her side. She raised a hand, to lay on Lapis’s shoulder, but dropped it. She turned away, grunting.
“Let me fight.”
Lapis laughed at that.
“What’s so funny?!”
Lapis smirked. “Did you forget why you’re here in the first place? You needed ME to defeat them.”
Jasper’s pride deflated, which made her temper rise, her face red and embarrassed. But she said nothing. Lapis had taken more than her freedom. She took her pride, her temper, and her rage. They had formed Malachite, and over time, she and Lapis both stripped away Jasper's identity.
Jasper was struggling to find herself again. She still had her pride, but the realization that it was shallow had damaged her ego. She had fighting words on the tip of her tongue, but she knew they were empty space to fill the ocean void. An attempt to prove herself, Lapis could easily shoot down.
Saying nothing was the better option. It couldn't repair her pride, but it prevented her from destroying the frayed remains.
Lapis wasn't sure what she was going to do. Her body wasn't tired, but she was mentally tired of running away, and her joints stiffened at the thought of battle. Jasper was right-- she could handle it. It wouldn't be a difficult battle for her. Just defeat the Crystal Gems and be free. It sounded simple, but Lapis learned months ago that things were not cut and dry. Plans fell apart and places changed.
Defeat the Crystal Gems, go back to Homeworld, be sent away from Homeworld again. That's how it would go. There was no room for defiance, no freedom. Hiding and running away from her problems was also empty of reward. She was lost, and that's why they kept walking.
X
Alexandrite found them wandering and scooped them out of the sea like goldfish. Lapis didn’t struggle. Jasper did, the water leash between them rattling like wind chimes in a thunderstorm. Jasper was desperate, blood boiling, ready for a fight. She wasn’t going to wait for Lapis to give her consent. This was more than being cooped up underwater. This was self defense, and if Lapis wasn’t going to do anything, Jasper was going to try.
Alexandrite’s hands were long and slender, strong. Useful for playing piano, if one big enough existed. She held the two gems with ease, in two separate hands. They were dangerous together, and the further apart they were the better. Garnet knew Lapis would never extend her hand to Jasper again, but still.
Sharks circled around Alexandrite’s legs. The ocean was waist-deep around her, as tall and fearsome as a mountain. Her face was inclined toward Jasper and Lapis, watching them, her many eyes hidden by her enormous sunglasses.
“All four of you are fused?!” Jasper growled incredulously. “What kind of cowards are you?” The more she squirmed, the tighter Alexandrite’s grip became.
Lapis stared over Alexandrite’s shoulder at the stars glinting over them. She already expected the worst. Imprisonment, again. Would her new cage be a mirror, or a bubble? She didn’t like the latter either, but at least then she wouldn’t be aware of her surroundings, held in purgatory.
“Lapis!” Jasper called her name. She looked at her from the corner of her eye, but did not turn her head.
She thought it was a plea for help, a suggestion to fuse again, but then her eyes widened as she suddenly realized why her name was called.
Alexadrite’s face split, her second mouth opened like a crocodile’s, perfect rows of sharp serrated teeth glinting in the moonlight. Jasper hung over the open mouth, legs kicking in the air, clutching Alexandrite’s fingers.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Jasper yelled to cover the fear and desperation in her voice.
“Quiet.” Alexandrite said. Her voice was curt and brittle.
Jasper’s voice became background noise. Whatever she said to get Lapis’s attention, whether she cried and pleaded for her life, Lapis would never know. All she knew was what she saw: Alexandrite dropping Jasper into her mouth. Jasper scrambled to her feet. Alexandrite’s mouth hung open, and then snapped closed.
Lapis flinched and looked away, eyes stinging. The chains between them dissolved, useless without a form to latch onto.
She heard chewing and her stomach churned. She’d rather not look, but she did. Alexandrite spat out Jasper’s gem, now splintered shards. Spat them out into her gloved hands, just like that. Like it was nothing. Like Jasper was just that-- nothing.
Not a gem, nothing.
Lapis was going to become nothing.
Her skin crawled, imagining herself in Jasper’s place, her fate drawing closer. Their bodies were illusions, but that didn’t make them feel less real, or mean they had no attachment to their bodies. Lapis didn’t ponder that this is probably what humans felt in their fleeting life spans. All she wondered was if this was the better choice.
She had been wandering aimlessly on the ocean floor, burdened by Jasper. She could have abandoned Jasper and flew from Earth, or they could have found Peridot. But every outcome wasn’t the perfect happiness she imagined. There would always be wars, other planets they would be sent to.
Bound by duty-- wasn’t that just another prison?
If she was nothing, ground to dust, blown away by the wind, she realized she could be free. Alexandrite yawned, her second mouth extended as she lowered Lapis into it. Her prehensile tongue rolled out of her mouth like a pink carpet. She was playing with Lapis, setting Lapis down with her legs spread, straddling the tongue. Alexandrite was warm. The grooves of her tongue made Lapis quiver.
“. . . You monster.” The words fell out of her mouth so easily, disgust spread blatantly on her face.
She was sticky with Alexandrite’s spit, fluid seeping into her body. The Crystal Gems were one, but she felt their auras surround her, like a pack of wild animals, their joints bent backwards, circling her, mouths frothing and eyes red.
Alexandrite’s tongue curled around Lapis like a cocoon and drew her into the mouth. The jaws did not snap like they had for Jasper. They closed slowly, enveloping Lapis in darkness. The tongue unfurled from her body like a ribbon. Alexandrite’s mouth was dark. Her spit was hot, the fumes as strong as battery acid. Lapis felt her flesh become soft and supple, so tender that a fingernail could strip her flesh from bone. She imagined it and soon felt Alexandrite’s teeth graze her flesh. They teased along her thigh, splitting it open, then ran up her hips. Lapis laughed involuntarily, ticklish there. Body spasming.
Laughter echoed in Alexandrite’s mouth. And then, screams.
Nothing, she thought. I’ll be nothing, she reassured. Her head swam. Nerves danced up and down her body. When Garnet found her and Jasper at the bottom of the sea, she gave up. She was tired. She just wanted the pain and suffering to end. As she felt something like death close in on her, she expected relief tinged with fear, but she felt the unexpected:
A sudden urge to live pulsed through her body. Her water wings formed and turned to elongating spikes, fighting to pry Alexandrite’s mouth open.
A voice that sounded like Pearl’s, but was still Alexandrite’s, spoke from above, from the first, more humanoid mouth. Lapis couldn’t hear her words. She grit her teeth and pressed against Alexandrite.
Lapis’s water wings snapped. Alexandrite’s mouth closed. Lapis cried in anguish, clawing her face.
She didn’t want to be nothing, not really. She had lived far longer than any human, and yet she still felt like there were things left for her to do. She wanted to be home again, even if it was fleeting, even if she would be sent away over and over. At least alive she could go back.
She wrapped her arms around herself, her water wings appearing as spears and daggers shooting out from her backside. The roof of Alexandrite’s mouth easily deflected Lapis’s blows.
Alexandrite's tongue undulated like a sea current and Lapis thought for sure she would be swallowed, but the darkness deteriorated as Alexandrite unfused, the Crystal Gems and Lapis falling apart from each other. She didn’t realize this until she plummeted into the sea. The familiar taste of salt made her pause and open her eyes again. She glanced around her. The relief she thought she would have felt near death finally washed over her.
She swam to the surface, feet planted on the waves. The Crystal Gems were there. Amethyst was a boat bobbing with the current and Garnet and Pearl were standing inside her, all staring at Lapis. Lapis stared at them. Pearl laced her arms around Garnet’s for support.
The wind whipped Lapis’s hair violently. She glowered, hands tucked into fists. “You let me go.” She couldn’t believe it. “Why?!”
Garnet’s shades glinted, reflecting starlight. “Alexandrite tested you, tasted you and judged your character.”
“I’m so glad she didn’t swallow.” Pearl shivered.
“A test? Why would you test us?” Lapis demanded. She remembered Jasper again, suddenly, and noticed the bubbled shards in Garnet’s right hand.
“Homeworld is coming. Soon.”
A shiver ran through Lapis. Her brows knit in anger. “Absolutely not.”
“A whole army will come, and we are all that’s left of Rose’s.”
Amethyst visibly frowned, Pearl bit her bottom lip, and Garnet looked fearless feeling afraid.
“You made your choice,” Lapis said bitterly. “Don’t drag me into it.” She turned her back to them and looked at the water under her bare feet. The night was still young and dark. The ocean was a mirror, reflecting the stars underneath her feet.
She heard one of them step forward and kicked off like a spur, shooting straight up in the air.
Drenched in water and humility, they watched her ascend past Earth’s atmosphere.
Garnet saw many futures, futures where Lapis hesitantly reached her hand to them, surprising herself. She had seen this one too, but they had held hope that it wouldn’t be this way. And now they didn’t know what to do.
“She won’t be back,” Garnet said. That future was clear, the rest, murky.