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“Close your eyes, darling. I’m coming in.” Yor’s hand pressed Loid firmly into the couch, and her legs were now tucked completely between his. Was she really going to…?
Yuri was protesting somewhere to Loid’s left, but Loid couldn’t make out the words. He could hardly hear anything over the sound of TV static in his mind.
“Um… Yor…? The alcohol had had its intended effect; she was bold, unapologetic, and entirely prepared to go through with this demonstration of their supposed love.
It wasn’t that he was nervous Yuri would see through the ruse; he was prepared for that, and a well-placed lie or two would be enough to cover his tracks. There was no good reason for him to be nervous right now, no reason for his heart to be pounding in his ears. There was something else beneath the nerves, though, something like…anticipation?
Loid’s focus narrowed to Yor alone. Her eyes fluttered across from him as she leaned in closer. She was close enough that he could smell the wine on her breath, feel the warmth of her hand on his chest. Loid was certain she could feel his heartbeat underneath her. Surely she could, it was loud enough that even Yuri must have heard it. Loid had to pull himself together before it beat right out of his chest. He followed Yor’s earlier directive and let his eyes drift shut.
Suddenly, a strangled noise tore his attention away from Yor. Across from them, Yuri was in the middle of some kind of distraught episode. “Stop, Yor! Please!” Yuri started barreling towards them with his hand outstretched, though Yor somehow had yet to notice. He couldn’t blame her–Loid was still pulling himself out of his daze. His head jerked to Yuri. “I can’t bear to see you kiss another man in my pre–”
While Yor may not have noticed Yuri, she did notice Loid’s movement. Her face screwed up into a grimace, and she drew her arms into her chest. At a distance, he could see the deep flush on her cheeks and he chalked it up to the wine. Before Loid could get a better handle on the situation, Yor was drawing her hand back. What is she…?
“This is so embarrassing!”
Everything was happening too fast. Yuri was running towards them, Yor was pulling away, and Loid still couldn’t get his heart back to a normal pace. He barely had the wherewithal to duck away from Yor’s floundering arms.
“...sence–” Yuri’s yell was abruptly cut short when Yor’s hand connected with his face–hard. Yuri and his bouquet were sent spinning across the room from the force of Yor’s slap.
Bizarrely, this is what fully snapped Loid out of it. He supposed he had always been semi-comfortable with violence, though it was the shock as much as anything else that allowed him to return to some semblance of normal. Yor, at least, looked suitably mortified.
“Oh no! Yuri, are you–”
Yuri stood up, blood dripping from the multiple lacerations he had acquired. His eyes were narrowed into a glare, and he swayed where he stood. Loid thought that this somehow looked familiar to him, though it took him a second to place it. The venom in his eyes was the same venom he saw in Yor’s eyes the night he had ‘saved’ Anya in the palace. Loid pushed down that pang of fondness before it had a chance to grow. Yuri was the real concern right now.
“I get it now, Yor.”
Loid had no idea what he was getting at, and apparently, neither did Yor. “Get what?”
“That strong a reaction to me stopping your kiss… I get how eager you are to smear your lips all over that creep . I was a fool to think I was testing you. When what was being tested all along was… my own feelings!” Another drop of blood fell from Yuri’s forehead into his eye.
Loid held his hand out in a pacifying gesture. “Listen, you’re bleeding…” Yuri’s ranting aside, Loid was most worried about the blood still streaming down Yuri’s face and onto both his shirt and the entryway floor. Though maybe having a blood sample from a member of the SSS could be useful intel somehow…? Wait, no, that’s ridiculous. No, his primary concern needed to be damage control.
“For now, Loid Forger…my sister’s lips are yours.” What is he talking about?
Yor’s face just about matched the color of her sweater. “How can you say stuff like that…?!” Yor hit Yuri again. He went flying across the room and ended up draped across a side table.
Yuri stumbled to his feet, sooner than he probably should've, in Loid's opinion. “I’ve let you win this round, Loid Forger, but remember–”
Loid wasn’t convinced that Yuri was even aware he was bleeding. “It’s…a lot of blood.”
Yor stumbled over to Yuri. The two exchanged a brief conversation, both of them wildly unsteady on their feet. Loid was eyeing them cautiously, though a wave of affection passed over him as he watched them. A grin brushed the corner of his lips, almost without his permission.
It was clear that Yor cared deeply for Yuri, and even in Yuri’s inebriation, the opposite was obviously also true. He thought of his own upbringing, how he had once wished for a bond like the one between the Briar siblings. Am I…jealous?
Lost in his thoughts as he was, he was still ready for the moment the siblings began to list to one side. He swept in and caught them on Yuri’s side, just fast enough to keep them from adding more dents to Yuri’s head. His grin widened at their drunken antics.
“What are you grinning about? Does my humiliation amuse you?!”
Loid held firm, even in the face of Yuri’s obvious disgust.
“Oh, no…I was just admiring what wonderful siblings you are. You two have supported each other through so much. Yuri, thank you for all that you’ve done to protect your sister. I know it can’t have been easy for you. Now you’ll have me supporting her with all my strength as well. Let’s work together to give Yor the happiness she deserves!”
Though he’d worded it as strategically as possible to try and calm Yuri, everything that Loid had said was true. He hoped that something had resonated.
“Who the hell said you could touch me?!” Apparently not.
“I’m going home!” Yuri continued to complain profusely as he stumbled towards the front door, briefcase in hand. “I can’t stand to watch any more of this.”
Just as Loid was about to bid Yuri a pleasant yet decisive goodbye, Yor rushed ahead of him. “Yuri, please!” She grabbed his arm before he could reach the door. “I don’t want you trying to go home like this. Just stay here tonight and calm down a little. You can go home in the morning–when you’re sober, I mean.”
“I’m fine, I’m fine, no way I’m staying here,” Yuri slurred. He tried to pull away from Yor’s grip, only for Yor to tighten her first. Loid winced with sympathy, knowing from firsthand experience that Yor often underestimated her own strength. Loid hoped that the cracks he heard were just his imagination, but didn’t feel too confident in that assessment.
“Please, Yuri. You can sleep in my room. It’ll just be for the night,” Yor pleaded.
Yuri made an audible noise of disgust. “As if I could sleep knowing that you’re under the same roof in a bed with him!” Yuri pointed an accusatory finger at Loid, but backed off after a moment. His face scrunched in confusion. “Wait, your room? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Yor’s eyes widened. She stuttered an impressive combination of “ums” and “wells” to Yuri, evidently racking her brain for a plausible explanation to her slip-up.
That was Loid’s cue to step in. “We treat the guest room as more of an office, in truth. Yor uses it often to help Anya with her studies, to exercise, or to complete some of her own work. It makes sense that she thinks of it almost like a room of her own.”
Yuri narrowed his eyes, clearly deciding on whether his utter distrust for Loid or his intense loyalty to Yor would win out.
To tip the scales in her favor, Yor nodded her head vigorously in support of Loid’s explanation. “Yes, of course, Loid’s right. I practically live in there!” Maybe a little too far, Yor. “Umm, I might also have to get a couple boxes out of there so you have enough room, but then it’s all yours for the night!”
“It wouldn’t be any trouble,” Loid interjected. What was one more lie to the already overflowing pile? He put his hand on Yor’s shoulder, on the arm that wasn’t currently holding Yuri in its deadly grip. He allowed his smile to grow deeper, reasonably confident that Yuri wouldn’t be able to identify it as false.
Yor leaned into Loid’s hand just a little and let go of Yuri’s arm. “Please, for me, Yuri. Just so I know you’re safe. It’d make me feel a lot better if you stayed.”
Loid willed him to do the opposite. While he had little concern that Yuri would expose him as Twilight–the house was already Anya-proof and Yor-proof in that regard–Yuri sleeping overnight in Yor’s room could very well expose their marriage scam if they weren’t careful.
Yuri was extremely drunk by now, but it was still dangerous and frankly anxiety-inducing to position the success of their pretend family on the off-chance that Yuri would be too drunk to remember any out-of-place details or misspoken words.
“Okay. I will, but just because you asked.” He frowned and sulked past Yor towards the bedrooms. It seemed that Yuri was just as thrilled about this as Loid was, likely even less so, but it would have to do for the night.
Yor shuffled ahead of Yuri to move some boxes from her room into the closet. Loid kept his distance and leaned against the wall at the end of the hallway to make sure everything else went as smoothly as possible.
“It should be ready for you now. Goodnight, Yuri!” Yor waved goodnight to Yuri with a cheerful tilt of her head. “Sleep well.”
“Goodnight!” Yuri smiled at Yor, probably the most genuinely happy that Loid had seen him so far. It was short lived, however, because he then looked past Yor and met Loid’s gaze, making a point to glare and shut the door without saying another word.
If nothing else, Loid hoped that his earlier speech had somehow gotten through to him.
Loid felt some of the tension lift from his shoulders with the closed door. They were done with their performance for the night. He smiled tiredly at Yor before going into the living room.
He stood in the living room for a moment, unsure of where to start. After releasing a long, slow breath, he walked over to start righting the overturned furniture.
They were quiet while they tidied. Yor began scrubbing the more difficult stains left by Yuri while Loid took care of the larger pieces of debris. The silence was mostly comfortable, if a little awkward. It seemed neither of them had anything to say quite yet.
Once they had returned the living room to a reasonable replica of what it was before, Loid made sufficiently sure that no listening devices had been planted. He’d still have to check Yor’s room in the morning.
He brought the now-emptied bottle of wine to the kitchen with the last of the dishes, both of which had somehow survived the chaos earlier in the evening.
Yor was tending to the dishes, each soft clink of the plates putting him more at ease. This was hardly the worst case scenario–Yor was still here, and no one was in any immediate danger. The only issue remaining was one they were both subtly trying not to speak out loud: only one of their beds was currently available.
“I’ll sleep on the couch, Yor. We can tell Yuri I fell asleep watching the news or something of the sort.” It wasn’t one of his best fabrications, but it would work.
The red returned to her cheeks, and she didn’t quite look at him. “That’s very kind, but I’m not sure he would believe that. Though, I’m sure it would ease his mind to know that we wouldn’t have been sleeping together.” Yor yelped and brought her hand to her mouth. “I mean, no, not like…not like that, I mean just sleeping next to each other, I–umm, sorry.”
Loid scratched the back of his head in an awkward gesture. “It’s okay, I knew what you meant.”
He turned to the sink and looked for something to scrub in the slim hope that Yor wouldn’t notice their now-matching blushes.
When they were done with the dishes, they both reached the inevitable conclusion that it was time for bed.
Loid opened the door to their bedroom, and was almost a full step into the room before he froze. Yor, behind him, inhaled sharply.
It just had to be that comforter, didn’t it?
Loid pinched his brow. They would have to live with it for the night, but it was just one more thing to fan the flames currently residing on Loid’s cheeks.
“I’ll, um… we can turn the pillows over for tonight! I’ll just… I’ll just do that now.” Yor stammered as she reached for the YES pillows on top of their bed. On the other side of the pillowcases, each had a smaller version of the large heart on the comforter below.
“Oh! I–”
At this point, Yor was looking almost as embarrassed as earlier that night when Yuri had first suggested they kiss.
Loid placed a comforting hand on Yor’s shoulder, waiting until she looked him in the eyes to continue. “It’s alright, Yor. We’ll put those pillows between us for the night. There are plenty of other pillows underneath to use for our heads.”
“Oh, right.” Yor painted a smile onto her face, though it still seemed rather shaky. “Of course, yes, we’ll just do that.”
“Well, then,” Loid’s hand was still on her shoulder, burning at their close contact. He wondered what it might be like to be allowed to leave it there. He suddenly wanted to move his hand up, just slightly, to cup her face instead. What might her blush feel like beneath his hand?
Get a hold of yourself, Twilight.
With a shake of his head, Loid removed his hand from Yor’s shoulder. To distract himself from the loss, he moved to his drawers and pulled out his pajamas. “You should get dressed for bed. I’ll change in the bathroom while you dress in here. You can open the bedroom door once it’s alright for me to come back in.”
A beat. Two.
“...Loid?”
“What is it?”
“I, well, I don’t have anything to wear to bed. My pajamas are in my room,” she admitted.
Yor twirled her hair around her fingers. ““What if Yuri notices that all of my things, including all my clothes, just so happen to be in that room? That can’t be a normal thing for married couples, to have separate closets in separate rooms, right? I’m sorry I got us into this. I should’ve just brought him home.”
Loid offered her a small smile, to which she partially relaxed. “We knew we’d have to figure out these kinds of details at some point, right? We never said it’d be easy. Yuri has no reason to see through our arrangement yet. And anyways, you can borrow something of mine for tonight, if you need.”
Yor’s eyes danced over to the dresser, then back to him. Loid was too aware of how close they were standing. “I wouldn’t want to intrude. I’m sure I’m already overstepping enough as it is just being in here.”
“You’re doing nothing of the sort. Really, you can feel free to borrow something.” He moved back to his drawers and dug through them, eventually procuring a white t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.
“Thank you. You’re prepared for anything.” Yor took the clothes in her arms. “It just amazes me.”
Loid had nothing to say to that. He shrugged in a helpless sort of gesture, then walked down the hall to change in their bathroom.
After a couple more minutes, Loid and Yor were both dressed in their pajamas.
Yor had tentatively tucked herself in. Loid started to pull back the sheets to join her in the bed when he took a better look at Yor. She was frozen on her side of the bed, looking dangerously close to falling off and clearly trying to take up as little space as possible.
He let the blankets fall back down. “Yor, we really don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I won’t be offended. I can sleep on the floor and you can take the bed if that would be easier for you.”
“No!” Yor sat up as if shocked. Then, perhaps realizing she had to keep her voice down for Anya and Yuri, she continued. “You were right, we knew we’d have to figure out details like this sometime. You should stay.”
Loid held eye contact with Yor, challenging her to change her mind. All he needed was one objection and he would leave her to her privacy. Seeing hesitation but no resistance, Loid once again moved to pull the covers back.
He paused, and when he spoke it was a tone far softer than he had anticipated. “Yor...you're sure?”
“It’s okay, Loid. It’s just for tonight.”
Right . Loid could do one night.
He got under the covers.
After a moment, Loid reached over to turn off the lamp. He let his eyes adjust to the darkness as he settled into his spot at the edge of the bed, back turned to Yor.
He heard Yor’s quiet voice behind him. “Hey, Loid?”
“Yeah?” He rolled over, and was met with one of the pillows from earlier blocking his view. With a roll of his eyes, Loid grabbed the pillow and set it down by the end of the bed. He’d put it back once Yor said… whatever she had to say.
His eyes were already well-adjusted to the dark by now, and he met Yor’s eyes in moments. Loid could tell that she was apprehensive, he could read it in her face easily. He was an expert observer, but he wondered absently when he had become that in tune with Yor’s habits.
Yor blinked once, slowly. “I just wanted to say…I can’t thank you enough for being so kind to Yuri. And to me. You accepted both of us into your family even though I’m sure it was difficult to, especially with Yuri being so rude tonight. I apologize for his behavior. He means well, he’s just…well, anyways, thank you again.”
“I appreciate that. I’ll admit, I’m envious of your relationship. I don’t have many friends or family outside of Anya, so it was good to see such a strong bond between you two. I know you care for Yuri immensely, so I’m genuinely glad to have him as part of our family. I hope you don’t feel like you need to thank me for it, though. It’s my job.”
Of course, Yor didn’t pick up on the double meaning. As Yor’s husband, it was expected of him to treat Yor and her family as well as he could–for better or worse, richer or poorer, in good times or in bad. As Twilight, maintaining amiable relationships with both Briar siblings was of paramount importance, especially considering what he now knew of Yuri’s occupation. His cover and the eventual success of Operation Strix depended on his ability to continue building their trust and loyalty.
He couldn’t help but feel that there was more truth in his character than there should have been.
Loid firmly believed that the best lies were carefully and delicately constructed to have some truth in them. He wondered now, though, if the small bits of truth could be found along the way.
He was Loid Forger: personable psychiatrist, loving husband, and dedicated father. A clever ruse, easy enough to perform. Still, he could get lost in the role, in the charade of it all, and he felt himself contemplating what it would be like to have a real family. A real home, one he didn’t have to evaluate based on available escape routes or to check for listening devices.
The guilt and anxiety associated with progressing his mission overshadowed most of his daily life, but there were times when other things pushed their way in through his carefully protected persona. They started to slip through the cracks like rays of sun shining through curtains despite all efforts to keep them drawn. Hope, joy, he didn’t dare say love–sometimes it felt like instead of losing himself in the role, he was finding himself.
It scared him.
“Are you alright?” Not only was he indulging himself by embracing the emotions he should have been leaving behind him, but it was blatant enough that Yor could see it even in the dark of their room. He was a spy, for God’s sake, he should have been able to control his face better than this.
“Yes, sorry, I was just thinking. Goodnight, Yor.” He rolled over again to face the window. There was silence while Loid waited for Yor to roll over again, but the bedsheets didn’t so much as rustle.
“Goodnight, Loid.”
What have I gotten myself into?
Loid woke up at an unusual hour. The room was still dark, and he’d shifted onto his back in his sleep. The pillow he’d moved to talk to Yor was still at the end of the bed.
In its place was Yor’s arm draped over his own, her thin and calloused hand gently holding onto his wrist. He didn’t move. He questioned whether he should’ve felt guilty for leaving his hand where it was, but the thought of moving his arm and waking her up felt like worse of a crime.
The dilemma was solved for him when a light knock on the door caused Yor to stir. He brought his arm to his chest before either would have to acknowledge the contact, though thankfully, Yor still seemed to be asleep.
He determined the source of the knocking (and the reason he was unexpectedly awake) to be Anya, who had padded her way over to his side of the bed, her night cap lopsided on her head and Mr. Chimera held close to her chest. “Papa?”
Loid’s eyes softened from the squint they were held in a moment ago. He kept his voice low, hoping that Yor would stay asleep. “What is it, Anya?”
“World is ending. Want to sleep in here, please.” Her voice was heavy with sleep, further proven by her inability to form complete sentences.
Loid considered bringing Anya back to her own room, but Anya interrupted him from his thoughts with a sluggish shake of her head. “I want to stay, please, want to stay.”
He sighed. “Alright. I’d prefer you to be quiet and stay in the middle, if you can.” I don’t want her waking Yor up. She’s asleep now, but I don’t know how much of a light sleeper she is.
Anya must’ve been awake enough to now register that Yor was sleeping opposite him, because her eyes widened noticeably. “Mama’s here too?”
“Yes. You can come up if you’d like, but you need to be careful.”
She started to climb onto the bed, struggling to get the back half of her body all the way on. The bed was rather high up off the ground, just enough that he wasn’t surprised by Anya’s struggle. Before she managed to drag all the blankets off of the bed, Loid lifted her the rest of the way up and placed her between himself and Yor.
Yor stirred again, this time rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand before glancing over at the two of them. “Oh, Miss Anya.” She yawned and closed her eyes once more as Anya nestled under the blankets.
A few minutes later and both Yor and Anya were sound asleep. Loid felt a surge of emotion–something he couldn’t decipher, something like pride, or admiration, maybe. It worried him, these unexpected feelings that he didn’t know how to name or control.
Loid had known from a young age to be above emotions. He had years of experience in shaping emotions into weapons or reservoirs of information, all depending on what the situation called for. Affection, infatuation, love–anything of the sort were useful tools at his disposal when he played his cards right. He could stay in control by bluffing his way out of anything while simultaneously getting another to show their hand.
He was constantly discovering new ways that this mission made him feel like he was out of control, losing his edge.
For the time being, though, he was just tired enough to set that worry aside until morning.
A mumble across the bed caught Loid’s attention. Perhaps Anya was dreaming?
“Yuri…! If you hit Loid… I’ll be so cross…” Ah, it was Yor, then. Loid felt fondness overtake him. And as he finally drifted off to sleep, it was with a smile.