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Asahi's heart skipped a beat.
It was a common occurrence these days, his heart skipping beats. Whether it was because he saw Daichi passing by or saw him smile when they scored a point during practice, heard him talk about his day, or just watched that man be the single most reassuring presence for everybody, he felt it. An odd feeling in his chest that made him go scarlet red on the face and feel dizzy, but it wasn't like that feeling people describe as having butterflies and other little flying critters in the stomach.
At least he hoped it wasn't and it was worrying him, did he like him? Well, he did as a friend but it felt rather weird to say he liked him as more than a close friend when they had been friends for so long. But his heart didn't lie, it would beat normally until Daichi appeared, then it was all heart palpitations and skipping beats. This wasn't how people described how love feels like, right? It felt more like a sudden heart attack than affection and it's totally not making him wonder if he needs to go to a hospital to get an electrocardiogram and oh no, is he gonna die?
Asahi kept freaking out at this thought, all alarms going off in his head and his train of thought just derailing and falling off a cliff, this all happening while he was getting ready to leave. That was, until moments later, when Daichi walked up to him and there it went again.
Asahi's heart skipped a beat, and it answered any question he had.
---
Asahi’s heart skipped a beat again.
It had been less than a week since Asahi realized that he liked Daichi, and he was a mess. He was eating lunch and thinking about his situation.
---
Asahi’s heart was weirdly strangled today.
His chest felt painfully tight and he was short of breath, and Asahi was starting to wonder. Did love really feel this bad? Am I just sick? Oh no, I don’t wanna be sick, what if I die?
He thought a lot about it, thought about death. His heart would sometimes speed up so far that he felt like he was actually dying, and it’s not the first time he thought this when it came to his heart running a hurdling race over Daichi. But lately, he felt too tired to dwell on it, in fact, he was too tired even to feel if his heart still hopped and skipped at Daichi’s mere existence. But he didn't have to feel it, he knew already that it would always do that, even if Daichi broke his heart.
Still, he can’t just skip school so there he was, in class, trying not to fall asleep. That was a first for him, he never was this tired, not even when he’d accidentally pull an all-nighter just overthinking about anything and everything. Was it cause his breathing was off? He did have sports class before this but still, his stamina wasn't so low that one class left him breathless and tired. It couldn't be because he was in love, because if this is how it feels like then he wants a refund.
Maybe he should have stayed home.
---
If Asahi was unsure of anything, it was right now.
Was love supposed to make your head spin? Or is it cause he’s in a practice game and he's nervous? Either way, his breathing didn’t change much either, he can feel his chest getting tighter and more painful as the game goes on. But it wasn’t too bad, he could still make it to the end of the set. He remembers having better stamina than this though.
Looking at Daichi seemed to only make his symptoms worse, getting him to wheeze and feel breathless. He was already used to feeling breathless when he looked at Daichi but still, something is wrong. This isn't the usual heart flutter he'd get looking at him, and it definitely isn't because he's passionately refusing to spill anything related to his feelings to Daichi. Still, his heart didn't clearly hiccup anymore looking at him, it just murmured and let out a sluggish gulp. It was odd, his heart was beating so fast and yet it felt sluggish. He felt sluggish.
His vision was turbid and he could taste something weird in his mouth, it was like he had decided to lick the rusty supplies nobody uses anymore. By the time the set ended, Asahi only felt worse, so he wobbled down on the floor to rest for a moment. Yeah, he’d just close his eyes and rest.
Was he always this tired though..?
---
Atrial Fibrilation leading to Cardiac Arrest.
That’s what the coach told the team when Asahi was taken away by the paramedics. When they went to start the game again and Daichi tried to call for Asahi, he knew something wasn’t right when all he got back was silence. Daichi kept thinking about Asahi’s face and posture, he looked relaxed and peaceful. Death was really a rather freakish thing to see. And it wasn’t just affecting him, you could see how the news made the whole team’s blood run cold.
It had been a week since, and everybody is still crushed. The funeral already happened and Daichi had tried to comfort both the team and Asahi’s parents, who all looked so pale and sad like a part of their souls had simply vanished. His parents were silent the whole time, which said enough about how much it hurt them. But yesterday, Yachi had come to him to tell him about something important. Turns out Asahi had loved him for a while now but feared his reaction.
And though Asahi’s death was because of a heart condition and not his feelings, to Daichi it didn’t help but make him feel worse because it felt weirdly poetic but so horribly vile to say Asahi died because he broke his own heart. The thought pricked him like needles and made his heart feel like a pin cushion, because it wouldn't matter if he didn't.
His heart would have gotten broken anyways.
He couldn’t even look Daichi in the eye anymore, cause every time he did, he felt like he’d have to pay for a funeral for his heart. And he hoped it would stop if he just didn’t make eye contact cause he’s not paying around 3 million yen for a fancy wooden box. It didn’t work though because something as simple as hearing his voice made his brain swerve and crash into a rollover. He didn’t know why that clear, somewhat deep voice got to him but it did. Maybe because it was reassuring in its strength.
Regardless, he knew he liked Daichi but did he want to tell him that he liked him? Daichi wouldn’t be harsh if he told him, after all, he was supportive of Yachi when she came out. But coming out is different than a confession and rejection still hurt, so might as well just reject himself and be happy with the friendship he has with Daichi, no?
So when he saw Daichi show up as he ate and his heart started hiccuping, he made it clear to his mind. He was fine with this, so he didn’t have to tell him.
Yeah, he’s not telling him a thing.
---
Did love make your chest hurt this much?
Asahi was starting to hide himself into a corner to avoid talking with Daichi. It wasn't like he told him he liked him and got rejected, no, but he was afraid. How would Daichi react? Would he be nice and polite when rejecting him or would he make the most “What the hell did I just listen to?” face he has ever mustered in their entire friendship? What would confessing make of their friendship?
Nothing would really be the same anymore. He'd ruin it, he'd ruin it with his feelings and his stupid heart that won’t stop hopping around in his chest whenever he thinks of the man. It’s not even beats being skipped now, his heart also cramped and made it so hard to breathe because he didn’t want anything to change. He didn't want to see what look Daichi would give him. He knew what look it would be.
He knew Daichi would look at him with those eyes full of pity, a sad stare he’d give to him whenever he’d start doubting himself too much. But this time, it would because he started feeling too much. He regretted even telling Yachi about it, he should have just evaded her question on why he stared so much at Daichi instead of opening his mouth. Yes, she encouraged Asahi to tell him but he didn't wanna end up absolutely word vomiting himself into a painful situation. Still, his heart can't help but flutter at the possibility she presented of Daichi liking him back.
And Asahi hated how his heart still skipped a beat.
---
Atrial Fibrillation leading to Cardiac Arrest.
That’s what the coach told the team when Asahi was taken away by the paramedics. When they went to start the game again and Daichi tried to call for Asahi, he knew something wasn’t right when all he got back was silence. Daichi kept thinking about Asahi’s face and posture, he looked relaxed and peaceful. Death was really a rather freakish thing to see. And it wasn’t just affecting him, you could see how the news made the whole team’s blood run cold.
It had been a week since, and everybody is still crushed. The funeral already happened and Daichi had tried to comfort both the team and Asahi’s parents, who all looked so pale and sad like a part of their souls had simply vanished. His parents were silent the whole time, which said enough about how much it hurt them. But yesterday, Yachi had come to him to tell him about something important. Turns out Asahi had loved him for a while now but feared his reaction.
And though Asahi’s death was because of a heart condition and not his feelings, to Daichi it didn’t help but make him feel worse because it felt weirdly poetic but so horribly vile to say Asahi died because he broke his own heart. The thought pricked him like needles and made his heart feel like a pin cushion, because it wouldn't matter if he didn't.
His heart would have gotten broken anyways.