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As the early morning sun peeks through the thin curtains, you lay in your bed, admiring your boyfriend as he gets dressed. You still find it weird referring to Joel as your boyfriend. He’s not a boy. He's a man. And what you have with him is deep and complex. But that’s what he is. Joel Miller is your boyfriend. And what a sight he is first thing in the morning.
His shift starts soon, and you’ll follow him to the diner to eat breakfast with him before seeing him off. But for now, he gets dressed, covering up his tanned skin with a slim gray t-shirt. Hiding his muscles beneath your favorite green flannel. He rubs his rugged hands through his hair and over his beard, taking in his appearance. He jokes about getting old, but he’s not that much older than you. And he’s still the most handsome man you’ve ever seen.
You wish he could stay with you all day. But Tommy’s his partner, and they never switch it up. Not even when you came into the picture. It doesn’t usually bother you. But today, it’s hanging around in your mind.
“Joel?” Your groggy voice pierces the tranquil silence of the room. You untangle your naked body from the sheets and crawl to the edge of the bed, laying on your stomach. He finishes sliding on his shoes before he looks over at you, tender smile on his lips.
“Yeah, sweetheart?” He answers, walking over to you and brushing your hair from your eyes. You look stunning this morning. To be fair, you always look stunning. But that golden sunlight illuminates your sleepy face, and your tired eyes glisten in the warm hue that veils the room. You look angelic, celestial.
“Do you love me?” You ask, knowing that he does. But you’re feeling a bit sensitive this morning. So you need reassurance.
With a sigh, Joel stops what he’s doing and sits down next to you. You push yourself up on your knees, the sheet that was once covering you slipping off, revealing your bare skin. He shamelessly checks you out, kissing your shoulder affectionately.
“With all of my heart,” he muses. “Why do you ask?”
“You never take me with you,” you pout. “I know you and Tommy have your own thing. And I respect that. But, I don’t know, I’d like to join you sometime.”
“Sweetheart,” Joel deadpans. Your stomach drops, prepared for his usual response. “You know--”
“I know, I know,” you cut him off. You hear it every time you make a request like this. “The west trail is safer, and it’s shorter, and you just want Ellie and I to be okay.” You huff at the canned response. “Joel, Ellie and I are tough. You know that. We’ve proven ourselves time and time again. We can handle more than just a short walk by camp.”
“I know you can,” Joel says. “You’re both more than capable of handling your own. It’s for my own peace of mind, baby girl. I need you and Ellie safe.”
“Safe,” you mumble. A groan bubbles out of you, and you fall back onto the mattress with a soft thud. “More like imprisoned!” You claim, which causes your man to chuckle. He lays down next to you, rolling to face you, holding your naked body to his clothed one.
He kisses your cheek and you try your best to hold a frown, but you can’t. His beard tickles your skin, and his lips are soft and warm. You love him. He’s an overprotective hardass, but you love him.
“You’re the love of my life,” he whispers. And it’s so quiet, if he wasn’t right next to you, you wouldn’t have heard it. Your heart fills with love, spilling over until you smile. Joel’s not the type of guy who enjoys talking about his feelings. He’s not cold or closed off, but his emotional moments are rare. He tells you he loves you all the time. But these occasions - when you’re lying in bed with his face buried in your neck and him telling you just how much he loves you - are intimate minutes you cherish.
“I know,” you say dreamily. “And you’re mine.”
He groans and squeezes you tightly against him. You feel his lips move as he mumbles something, but you can’t quite make out what he’s saying. So you give his shoulder a gentle poke.
“I said,” he sighs and moves his head. “I said I would talk to Tommy. Just let me work things out. And if all goes as planned, you can come with me this morning.” He doesn’t sound thrilled, but you know it’s because he’s concerned. He likes knowing you and Ellie have easy patrol jobs. He’s just so afraid of losing either of you.
“Really!” You practically squeal. This is a big step for him. But he’s taken a lot of big steps with you. He’s the one who asked you out. And he’s the one who asked you to move in with him. You said “I love you” first. But he responded right after. And according to Ellie, that was a big deal.
His hesitation slowly fades once he realizes how excited you are. “I’ll have Tommy go with Ellie. And today, you’ll be my partner. Just… Listen to me, though.”
“Yes, sir,” you tease, but Joel gives you an unimpressed look. You roll your eyes and sit up. “I know, okay? I’ll behave. I promise.”
“Good,” Joel smirks and shoves himself off your shared bed. He straightens his clothes out and heads for the door. “Get dressed. We’ll be leaving soon,” he says.
“Hey, wait,” you frown as he opens the door. He's really going to leave you here? Just like that?
“What?” He asks in confusion.
“Kiss me,” you insist with an adorable pout on your lips. He can’t say no to you. And he wouldn’t, anyway. So he strides over to where you sit, cups your face in his hands, and places the gentlest kiss on your lips. Your eyes flutter closed and stay closed even when he moves away. The lingering of his lips on yours makes you swoon. “Okay, I’m happy now.”
“Dork,” he comments before slipping out of the bedroom. You accept the name as a term of endearment. And then you hop out of the bed to put some clothes on. It’s a sunny morning. So you don’t need anything too heavy. So when you’re finally dressed, you follow Joel out of the house. And to the diner where Tommy is already waiting.
He’s taken by surprise when Joel makes his request that they swap patrol partners for the day. Mostly because he knows that Joel is a tad worrisome and having his two best girls separated isn’t normally his idea of a good time. But Joel trusts Tommy to watch after Ellie. And of course, Joel will be watching after you.
You keep telling him you don’t need protection. But then you remind yourself of all Joel’s lost, and you understand that if anything happened to you or the grumpy teenager, he’d probably lose himself. So you put up with his smothering. It comes from the heart.
“Just make sure Ellie follows your lead,” Joel tells his younger brother. “I know you aren’t as strict as I am and so does she. She’s sneaky. She’ll try to--”
“Joel, I got it,” Tommy chuckles. “She’ll be fine. We’ll work on her target practice again. We’ll have fun. And you should, too,” he adds speaking to Joel but looking at you.
“We will!” You chime in, earning a grunt from your other half. He doesn’t understand your excitement. It’s not that thrilling. He doesn’t realize that you’re just excited to spend some extra time with him.
You eat breakfast together, listening in while Joel and Tommy talk about the plans for the day. You’re feeling particularly needy today, and you aren’t sure why. But you’re happy to be with Joel. And you can tell he’s happy to have you. He doesn’t even complain when you hang all over him.
By the time you finish eating, you’re incredibly antsy and eager to get this show on the road. You’ve only worked with Joel a few times before, and that was when you first got to Jackson. Since then, you’ve been with Ellie or Jesse. Aside from Joel being the man of your dreams, he’s very skilled. And you’ve already learned so much from him, but you know that you are capable of more. You’d like to prove yourself to him today.
“Ready, sweetheart?” Joel asks as you arrive at the gates.
“As I’ll ever be,” you answer with a sweet smile he can’t resist. He leans down and kisses you softly. He’s such a good kisser, it drives you wild. “That’s nice, do it again,” you sigh.
“Later,” he laughs. “We need to get goin’.” He looks up at the tower and gives a thumbs up. The gates open in front of you, and you and Joel ride out together.
Your first checkpoint isn’t too far away. It’s closer to the walls of Jackson, sort of a just-in-case spot. There’s rarely any activity in this area, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. You wait outside as Joel signs you both in, taking in the green scenery around you. It’s springtime, and everything is in full bloom. And ever since the world ended, it’s beautiful. The infected are scary, but the Earth? It’s lush and full of color. It’s bittersweet.
Joel joins you outside, wrapping his arms around your middle and pulling you into his chest. He’s warm against your back, and you feel like you could stay here for the rest of the day, swaying in his arms. But alas, you have a job to do.
“Come on,” he whispers before kissing your cheek. “Got a few abandoned houses over here to check out. Don’t think we’ll have trouble, but it’s best to do a sweep.”
“Okay,” you mutter and, unfortunately, leave his hold. He takes your hand, though, and walks you towards the neighborhood where a couple of houses sit.
It’s small overall and there’s not much to check out. You take the houses on the left side of the street and Joel takes the right. The only reason he’s even comfortable with separating is that the threat level is low and non-existent. Just once you’d love to use your combat skills. But Joel would never be that careless.
So you mosey through the houses, wondering to yourself who lived here before the world went to shit, and if they got out alive. Did they have kids? A big family? It’s thoughts like this that make you grateful you came from a small group. Still, the thought of a family does make you smile.
But you don’t let yourself get lost in those ideas for too long. You’ve never spoken to Joel about kids. But you’re pretty sure he’d dislike the idea. He’s told you about Sarah and he has Ellie now. He’s probably satisfied with that.
“Hey!” You hear his deep voice enter the house behind you. Your family picture is put on hold as you turn around to greet him. He looks concerned. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” you nod. “Just thinking. Are we done here?” You ask him the next question before he can. You don’t want to tell him what you’ve been pondering about.
His face says he doesn’t believe you. But he doesn’t push you any further. If you have something to tell him, he knows you’ll do it eventually. Right now, you both still have a job to do.
“Yep,” he says quietly. “Next location is a bit trickier. I’d tell you to stay close, but I know you won’t.”
“I’m not gonna get hurt,” you grin, walking over to him and placing a kiss to his cheek. “You worry too much.”
“Well,” he shrugs. And that’s it. You know how he feels. End of conversation.
“Come on, cowboy,” you giggle. “Lead the way.”
It’s a longer trek to the next posting. And the whole time you can practically feel Joel’s nerves radiating off him. His protective side is bursting at the seams today. And each time he looks over at you, you can see the hint of a frown tugging at his lips.
He’s quiet, though. And you appreciate the effort he’s putting in to keep his paranoid comments to himself. When you enter the large abandoned building up ahead, an awful stench penetrates your nose. You’d think you would be used to the smell of rotting and decay. But you aren’t. It still makes you queasy. And this time, it’s even worse. Fresh.
“Stay behind me,” Joel whispers and it’s not a suggestion. It’s not a request. It’s an order. The way your stomach sours at the scent in the room leaves you uneasy and unwilling to argue.
Joel takes the lead, hand firmly on his gun as he slowly steps through the debris. At one point, this looked to be a medical center. It’s been raided, of course. Nothing left behind. But it’s a decent size, which makes for a good hiding place.
You’re not sure what to expect as Joel rounds the corner. If there are any weak points in the walls, it’d be easy to breach by anyone. Or thing. The thought makes you cling to Joel. You don’t want him to get hurt either.
“Be careful,” you whisper, tugging on his hand.
“Watch your step,” he replies, motioning towards the broken glass on the floor. “This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have let you come out with me today.”
“Hey,” you pout. “I can handle myself. This smell is just really strong.” You choke as you speak, tasting the foul odor in your mouth.
“Shit!” Joel hisses, stopping in his tracks. He holds his arm out, blocking you from going any further.
“What?” You ask, attempting to push his arm away. “Joel, what is it?”
He shakes his head and uses all of his strength to keep you from seeing the display in front of him. “Just stay back,” he snaps.
“Joel!” You whisper. “What’s going on?” Irritated, you claw at his shirt, aggressively trying to see what it is he’s hiding from you. Joel’s strong, but you’re small and quick. You duck beneath his arm and swiftly step around him before he can grab you back.
As soon as you do, you feel the bile in your stomach rise and you can’t stop yourself from turning away and heaving. Joel immediately falls next to you, rubbing your back softly as you throw up nothing but liquid. He shushes you, holding back your hair and humming comforting words in your ear.
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he assures you. “It’s okay.” He glances back at the dead bodies. It's far from okay, but he can't tell you that.
“W-who are they?” You ask through sobs.
“Not sure,” he answers. He leaves your side for only a second to examine the bodies on the floor before him. You squeeze your eyes shut, heart pounding in your ears, drowning out what Joel says.
You’re fine. You are you. You just weren’t expecting to see a couple of people shredded up in front of you. Joel warned you, but you insisted you could handle it. And you normally can. So what’s wrong with you right now? Joel said he didn’t recognize those people. You’ve been living in this world long enough to desensitize yourself. This shit doesn’t bother you anymore.
“Sweetheart,” Joel comes back to you. “You should go back to Jackson. Send Tommy out. It’ll be fine.”
“No, Joel,” you insist. You stand on shaky knees and whimper at the sight of the bodies. They’ve been torn apart, and judging by the faint clicking sounds you hear in the distance, it’s recent. “I can do this,” you tell him and even though he wants to fight, he accepts your decision.
He uses what he can to cover the bodies, hiding the mangled remains out of respect. They’re not from Jackson, but they’re on the younger side. Joel checks them out for any type of identification even though it’s rare to find. But they had nothing on them. Not even weapons.
“We need to clear the area,” Joel says sternly. “I only hear a few of them. You good to go?”
“Perfect,” you lie.
Joel nods, and you split up. Joel goes right, and you head left, making sure to be quiet as you move. The clicking sounds on your side are closer than you originally thought. But you’re calm and stealthy, catching a glimpse of a clicker limping by. You don’t hear Joel, so you imagine he’s being just as careful as you.
Your knife is tightly strapped to your ankle. So you undo the knot and release it, tiptoeing behind the screaming monster and grabbing it before it notices you. You plunge the blade deep into its throat, listening to it choke on its own blood before collapsing to the ground with a soft thud.
One down. You wonder how Joel is doing. So far it’s been nothing but silence. And that’s always a good sign. But you decide to find him anyway. Give him a hand.
He’s around the corner. You can see his shadow and hear the scuffle as he grabs the clicker and shivs it just as you did. It’s certainly not the time to think this, but you have to admire how sexy he is when he’s being an absolute badass.
“All clear?” You take the chance to ask him.
He turns around and smiles when he sees you still in one piece. “All clear, sweetpea.”
You grin and run up to him, throwing your arms around his shoulders. You are a whirlwind of emotions at the moment. Still a little sick, a little sad, a lot relieved, and overall thrilled to be working with your man.
Joel chuckles and kisses your temple. He was really worried about you. You’ve been acting off for a few weeks now. And when you nearly fainted at the dead bodies, he thought something was seriously wrong. But now you seem fine. You seem okay. Like you could do this again.
“Ow, Joel,” you whimper and he steps back, releasing you quickly to assess you for any damages.
“Baby, are you okay?” He asks with concern.
You nod, but grab your stomach as another sharp pain shoots through you. “I think it’s just my stomach,” you say. “I haven’t been feeling well. The smells aren’t helping, either.”
“Let’s get you home,” he insists. “You need to get to the infirmary.”
With no energy to argue, you let Joel guide you back to your horses. He’s gentle with you, carrying you in his arms as your breathing gets heavier. The pain is growing, sawing through your insides until you can barely see.
The last thing you remember before you pass out in Joel’s arms is him telling you he loves you.
He waits impatiently outside of your room. The doctor insisted he stay away to reduce stress on you. Healthcare is different in the apocalypse, but Dr. Green is an excellent physician. So Joel trusts her. He just hates not knowing what’s going on.
It’s only when you come walking out of the room that Joel stops pacing. He waits, slightly shaking, for you to say something. But then you cry and he gets nervous, running over to you.
“What is it?” He asks, swallowing down the lump in his throat.
You look up at him, small smile on your lips. “I’m pregnant,” you say.
“What?” He practically yells. You’re not sure if he’s upset at the news. His face is emotionless and you know it could go either way for him. But then he lets out the quietest laugh. “A baby?” He asks with a grin.
“A baby,” you confirm, smiling brightly. “Your baby.”
He chuckles and grabs your face, planting another soft kiss on your lips. “We're gonna have a baby."