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The early morning sun peeked through the blinds, falling across pale sheets and ginger hair. Anakin smiled softly at the sight.
Gorgeous.
That was the only word for what he saw. The only word that could ever really describe Obi-Wan. Whether he was filthy and cutting down droids, or fresh and lying peacefully in bed, it was the only word that properly captured his appearance. Anakin loved to see him relaxed like this most of all, though. Where the hard, battle-worn lines of his face were softened. His hair tousled and falling loose in his face. Anakin liked him best when he wasn’t trying to keep up that perfect façade.
He shifted a bit, pulling away from Obi-Wan the slightest bit. A soft sigh fell from his pink lips and Anakin smiled. He fell still, not wanting to wake the other. It was hard for either of them to sleep. Truthfully, the younger man hadn’t slept at all. Nightmares visited him nearly every night, keeping him awake, and the previous night hadn’t been any different. It seemed as though Obi-Wan was able to rest, though. And Anakin was loathe to take that away from him. They didn’t need to be anywhere for a while anyway.
So Anakin stayed put. Silently, he watched his love’s chest rise and fall in his sleep. Felt his heartbeat thrumming softly through their bond. Moments like these reassured Anakin that perhaps everything would be okay. After all they had been through, they were still together. They made it back from many battles and would continue to do so. Obi-Wan was very real. Very close. Very alive. Anakin would do everything in his power to make sure that it stayed that way.
There was only so long that he could lie in bed, though. Remaining still had never been one of his strong suits. Always on the move, as Obi-Wan teased him about regularly. He couldn’t help it, though. He had tried to be calm and still. It just didn’t work for him.
Slowly, Anakin pulled his arm out from under Obi-Wan’s neck. While he did so, he leaned forward and kissed his temple as if to soothe him enough to stay asleep. It seemed to work, too. Anakin was able to extricate himself from under his partner. With a final kiss to Obi-Wan’s hair, he slid out of the bed.
Silent footsteps brought him to the fresher, and Anakin softly closed the door before flicking the light on. Anything to avoid waking his darling. He hated how much noise the toilet made when it flushed. Even something so soft as that was able to pull Obi-Wan from his sleep. Thankfully this time it seemed to not wake him.
As he washed his hands, Anakin glanced up into the mirror. This was something he usually avoided. It took him a great amount of strength to even shave every day. So much so that Obi-Wan was often the one to do it for him. He hated seeing himself. There was never just one reason he could pin down, either.
Sometimes it was his eyes. They were too angry, showing his innermost struggles. Other times it was his lips. The way they curled down in a frown most of the time. Occasionally it was the tangled, matted mess of his hair. He was so unwell that he couldn’t even be bothered to care for his physical appearance. Couldn’t even lift a hairbrush.
Today, though, it was none of those things. Today it was the scar that sat over his eye. He was no stranger to scars. They covered his body. Scars from his childhood as a slave. Scars from crashing speeders. Burn scars from lightsaber duels that got a bit too heated. The scars on his arm, where metal met flesh. Various scars from his dozens of missions and battles covered his entire body, as they did most of the Jedi. That didn’t make him hate them any less.
This scar was different, though. Or at least Anakin’s mind told him so today. It was a symbol of one of his greatest weaknesses. He had gotten too angry. Too sure of himself. He was too confident in his own abilities, and he had suffered for it. Suffered a lasting mark to his failure.
Anakin lifted his hand, fingers brushing over the scar. He felt the difference in the skin there. It was harder than the surrounding tissue. Tighter. When it had first happened, it was tender. It had been nearly impossible for him to sleep. The bandage over his eye surely hadn’t helped, either. All the same, he had refused treatment for it. Sometimes he regretted that decision. A little bit of bacta would have gone a long way. The scar wouldn’t even be there.
That was why Anakin had refused the treatment. The scar served as a reminder. Every time he got too cocky, he remembered the scar. Every time he was battling, he recalled his mistakes. While he still acted on impulse quite often, it wasn’t without that recollection. He would always remember his mistakes.
With Obi-Wan’s guidance, he had been able to learn from them. Now he used it to be a better fighter. His movements were no less wild, but now they were much more calculated. He defended more now than he used to. He was careful. He had learned.
For that, Obi-Wan had always praised him. And Anakin was grateful for the lesson, however painful it may have been. That wasn’t the problem now. The problem was much more personal.
Every day, he thought of it.
What made Obi-Wan even love him? He had caused nothing but trouble since the moment he was brought into his Master’s life. From having to chase after him and force him to take a bath as a child to… chasing after him and forcing him to take a bath as an adult, Obi-Wan had dealt with a lot. There were also all those times in between where Anakin acted just as foolishly as everyone said, almost getting himself killed. Obi-Wan had to handle those, too. It was clear that he didn’t love Anakin for making his life easy.
And it couldn’t be because of his temper. Anakin was reminded all too often that he was too angry. He was taking things too seriously. He didn’t need to be so jealous and possessive. The number of times that Obi-Wan had told him to calm down was so high that Anakin had lost count. So it wasn't because of his ‘easygoing nature’.
And today, it was perfectly clear that it wasn’t because of Anakin’s good looks. His unkempt, ratty hair falling into his face hadn’t seen a brush in the past week. The most treatment it got was being washed and roughly towel dried with only fingers pulling through it to remove the tangles. His jaw had nicks all over it from his sad attempt at shaving with the lights off. Obi-Wan had reminded him sternly to never ever do that again. It didn’t help that his hands constantly trembled. The angry eyes staring back at him couldn’t be the object of any person’s desires. Filled with hatred. And fear, as much as he hated to admit it. And the scar. The horrible scar splitting his eyebrow and marring his cheek and temple. There was no way that he could ever be seen as attractive, by anyone’s standards.
Tears started to form in Anakin’s eyes as he stared back at himself. The counter whined in protest and he realized how tightly he had been gripping it. He removed his right hand, seeing the cracks and indents that had formed where it had been. A heavy breath shuddered from his chest.
The knock at the door startled him so badly that he actually jumped. Furiously, he wiped away at the tears. That was the last thing Obi-Wan needed to deal with so early in the morning.
“Darling, are you alright?” Came his partner’s muffled voice through the door. “You’ve been in there for quite some time.”
Anakin took one more look at himself in the mirror. Hideous. There was truly no reason for Obi-Wan to even entertain the idea of being with someone so ugly. He was far too beautiful to be seen with someone like Anakin.
All the same, he opened the door.
“I’m alright, my love,” he said softly, a smile forcing itself onto his lips.
It clearly didn’t work. Obi-Wan wasn’t fooled. He never was, though. It was no surprise. Sadness immediately flooded over his face as he looked Anakin over. The latter couldn’t stand it. His eyes shifted downward as another tear rolled down his cheek.
“Oh, Anakin,” Obi-Wan murmured gently, reaching a hand up to cup his cheek. “Please, talk to me. You know we don’t keep secrets.”
Anakin huffed out a small laugh, but somehow found the strength to look into his face again. He really didn’t understand why he would even give him the time of day. Let alone love him.
“I just don’t get it,” he said quietly, “I don’t understand why you’re even here.”
“Well, because I love you,” Obi-Wan replied with a smile, as if it was the easiest thing ever.
“That’s what I don’t understand!” Anakin huffed out in exasperation. “Sorry,” He changed his tone upon seeing the withering look on Obi-Wan’s face.
“Don’t apologize. Just… tell me what’s going on. Has something happened? Have I done something?”
“No!” Anakin exclaimed quickly, taking Obi-Wan’s hand in his own. “No, you haven’t done anything at all. You’re perfect. You’re wonderful.”
“Anakin, stop,” Obi-Wan said seriously as he wiped away another stray tear. “You’re deflecting, my dear.”
Anakin allowed himself to be led to the bed. He sat when Obi-Wan pushed him, placing his hands in his lap and looking down at his feet. He felt the bed give way beside him as his partner sat down.
“Now Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, using the tone he always took to make sure that Anakin knew that he was serious. “Please tell me what’s going on. Why are you really upset?”
Anakin deflated at the question. He should have known that this wouldn’t be something easily handled. It wasn’t something that he could just push under the rug and hope that his Master would forget about it. Obi-Wan was always so good at telling when something was really wrong. And when he did, he never let it go unaddressed.
“I just…” he huffed again, toying with his hands in his lap, “I don’t understand why you’re here. You say it’s because you love me, but… why? I have nothing to offer you. I make you miserable. You could have anyone in the galaxy. You’re so smart, and kind, and you’re such a wonderful person. You are gorgeous and for some reason you’re here with me.”
To his surprise, Obi-Wan laughed beside him. He actually laughed. Anakin picked up his head and looked over, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“It’s not funny!”
“I’m sorry, my dear,” Obi-Wan said, shaking his head. He reached out and took Anakin’s hand in his own. “But I have to say, it is funny.”
Anakin’s frown deepened.
“What’s so funny about that?”
“Well, you clearly don’t know the Anakin I do,” Obi-Wan said simply. His eyes were earnest as he met Anakin’s. “The Anakin I know is absolutely brilliant. He won a pod race when he was only nine years old. He built his own racer, even.”
Anakin opened his mouth to protest, but Obi-Wan held up his hand to silence him. He hunched his shoulders and listened.
“He has such a strong sense of right and wrong. It’s mind-blowing sometimes. He’s cunning, and always knows how to get himself out of sticky situations. He can solve any puzzle you put in front of him. Like he doesn’t even have to try. I’ve seen him put together droids that most mechanics can’t even figure out. He speaks so many languages that we don’t even need translators in most systems.”
Anakin frowned. The only reason he knew so many languages was because he had to deal with so many different types of people as a child. He had to learn to barter. To haggle. He had to learn how to dodge the horrible people that all too often came by Tatooine.
“And before you say anything, that is a wonderful skill to have,” Obi-Wan said, as if he could tell what Anakin was thinking. “It shows how smart you are.”
“But Master, I-“
“Did I say you could speak, Anakin?”
“Sorry.”
“The Anakin Skywalker I know is a wonder to behold. Not only in his skills but in his appearance.”
Anakin’s frown deepened, and Obi-Wan could tell that he had found the real source of the day’s problem.
“He has strong shoulders for carrying the wounded. Delicate hands for working on machinery and caring for wounds. Deft enough to battle, but kind enough to mend. He has long legs that enable him to outpace nearly anyone he races against. Long legs perfect for wrapping around my waist.”
Anakin rolled his eyes, smiling fondly as Obi-Wan wiggled his eyebrows.
“He has the most beautiful smile, too. Whenever he smiles, the whole galaxy gets a little brighter. The way it brings out his dimples and makes his eyes crinkle is the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen. Oh and don’t get me started on those eyes. The eyes that burn so fiercely that they resemble suns. So full of life, and of love. So gentle and kind when helping others.”
As Anakin looked down again, he felt the soft pads of Obi-Wan’s fingers on his cheek. Running over the scar, mirroring the same way he himself had touched it moments earlier. Only the way that Obi-Wan touched was almost reverent. Like he found it to be a beautiful thing. Not something that marred his appearance, but perhaps something that made him attractive.
“And this,” Obi-Wan breathed, leaning in closer so that he could speak softly, “This and all of your scars tell a story. The story of the strongest man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. A man who was born into one of the harshest worlds known. A man who came out of that world maybe a bit scarred, but stronger for it. A man who has learned and grown with each mark on his body. They make him stronger, but they also give him a certain kind of softness that not many have.”
Anakin’s brows furrowed and he looked up through his lashes, mumbling, “How?”
“How?” Obi-Wan repeated, that tender smile back on his lips. “Well, because not everyone has the experience you do, my darling. You know the pain of each of these scars. You’ve learned the plight of many different kinds of people. And you are empathetic toward them. You know exactly how to help people. That’s not a skill that most people have. Not even Jedi.”
“But they’re so ugly,” Anakin groused, squeezing Obi-Wan’s hand a bit.
“Not to me,” he replied matter-of-factly. “To me, they are beautiful. Because they’re a part of you. No part of you could ever be ugly to me.”
Somehow, Anakin believed him. Somehow, the words felt real. He could tell that Obi-Wan really didn’t hate them. A weak smile pulled over Anakin’s lips. In response, Obi-Wan smiled back reassuringly.
“Thank you,” Anakin said softly.
“Oh don’t thank me, darling,” Obi-Wan tsked, waving away the notion. “Now turn around and let me comb your hair, hmm?”
Anakin gave a shaky laugh, but did as he was told. He closed his eyes as Obi-Wan started to gently comb through his hair. It was a feeling he always enjoyed. It was intimate without being too heavy. The motions and sensations were full of comfort. Obi-Wan hummed softly as he pulled the knots out, making sure that it didn’t tug too much on Anakin’s scalp. When it was done, Obi-Wan leaned forward and gently kissed the top of Anakin’s head with a soft hum.
“There you are,” he said, putting the comb aside as Anakin turned around to face him again.
“Thank you,” Anakin said, ducking his head. “I’m sorry about… all of that.”
Obi-Wan just shook his head as if pushing the problem aside. He gently tapped Anakin’s chin, making him look up again. If angels were real, Obi-Wan must be one. The way the sunlight bounced off his hair created a glow. His eyes shone like stars. His smile was so kind and sweet. Obi-Wan was perfect, and somehow Anakin had managed to convince him to stick around.
“Stop apologizing for everything, hmm?” Obi-Wan said, leaning forward and kissing Anakin’s forehead.
“Sor-“
“What did I just say?”
Anakin laughed softly, but didn’t say anything this time. Instead, he just admired the crows feet around Obi-Wan’s eyes. He was so beautiful.
“I love you,” Anakin breathed, as if he couldn’t believe that such a thing was in front of him.
“I love you too,” Obi-Wan replied easily, his tone full of just as much wonder.
He leaned forward and Anakin met him halfway in a gentle, reverent kiss. Obi-Wan’s gentle hands carded through his hair, and Anakin sighed softly into their kiss. He brought his own hand up to cup the side of his love’s face, keeping him close.
The moment was over all too soon for Anakin’s taste. But it was worth it to see that wonderful smile again.
“Now how about some breakfast?” Obi-Wan asked, slowly standing and pulling his hand away.
“Breakfast sounds nice,” Anakin replied, returning the smile more confidently now.
He watched quietly as Obi-Wan walked out of the room. He would never understand why he was so loved. It would probably never make sense to him. He could feel it, though, and that was enough for him.