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Billie was 6 when she first declared how much she hated her stupid long hair.
She was trying to detach the hair elastic from her locks, that, no matter how much she tugged it, seemed to be way too tangled for it to have any salvation besides the scissors. Billie knocked her feet a few times in anger, almost hitting the dressing table in front of them.
"Happens sometimes. When my hair is too long, it gets most messy." He explained amused.
"I don't get why we wear them long anyway..." She divagated, staring at the hair on the elastic as if it had personally betrayed her. "It's good for nothing."
"Some people like it. I like mine." He shrugged laughing, and added, "You could cut it, you know."
Ted placed his hands gently over her locks trying to fix the mess. He heard her gasp lightly.
"I could!?"
"Yeah, totally, if you want to." He added, halfway through saving her hair from the elastic.
Ted was aware he was around her age the first time he asked Captain Logan if he maybe could not have the buzz cut that month, and was met with a solid no. He didn't understand why he couldn't keep his hair a little longer that time, like some other boys did, but later he came to be familiar with his father's thoughts on boys with longer hair.
She decided she wanted to cut it off, telling him already how high she wanted it to be.
"You sure? I just got the elastic out." He showed her the elastic, and started finger brushing her hair to make sure it had no knots.
"I think I would look bodacious." She said nodding.
"Most bodacious." He agreed, feeling her excitement rub on him when he matched her smile in front of the mirror.
She joked later, when most of her hair was already sprawled around on the floor, that since her hair was shorter them his now, she was the boy and he was the girl. He laughed along with her joke, pushing away the thought of how pissed his dad would be with that comment.
Lizzie didn't mind the change after she got home, complimenting her choice of hair, and saying she could fix some bits that were a little crooked in the morning. Billie agreed fiercely.
—
Billie kept her hair short, once going as far as trimming it the size of Bill's. She exclaimed excitedly that she was just like her other dad, and both of them headbanged for hours.
Ted liked the style, liked even more her enthusiasm every time she got a new cut. It made his family gathering even a bigger challenge, though.
Whenever Captain Logan was around, he would get into an argument over his lack of control over his life and, mostly specifically, his family.
"You're not a child anymore!", "You're in your forties and have no job!", He would say on the table, loud enough for everyone to hear.
"You're letting your daughter become a boy!", "If it wasn't for me, you'd become a little girl! Is that what you want for your daughter?", "No wonder she's becoming the man of the house, her father is too busy with his basement band!" He would say when he thought he was alone with Ted, for only Ted to hear.
Ted answered him the best he could on the latest disapproval comments, reaffirming she was just a child, and that it was just hair.
It was an old argument of theirs. Ted was 15 when he made sure he would never shave his head again, much to his father's disapproval. Captain Logan would scream at him and call him ugly words Ted didn't like to remember.
It was just hair, but he liked it long, he felt good about it, and it didn't mean anything.
Captain Logan would give a cruel laugh in disbelief. Like he couldn't fathom the idea that his own son could come out so wrong.
Ted was glad he didn't direct his anger at Billie, he knew what that sort of disapproval reprimand could do to a child.
"She's a child. And it's just hair." He repeated firmly.
After a few of those, Lizzie suggested reducing the invitations to Captain Logan, and Ted gladly agreed.
—
The girls were growing fast, and as soon as he knew, Thea was 14 and begging him to let her practice her newfound make-up skills on him.
"As in like... painting me?" He tried, organizing his thoughts.
"Billie won't let me try it on her!" She pressed as quickly as she could, adding later, "Please!"
He considered her request for a while, before asking, "Why on me, dude?"
"I don't know, we thought you would like it." She shrugged.
They thought he would like it.
As much as he knew the girls would never say anything like that in bad faith, he couldn't avoid the guilt he felt that his daughters thought he would like to wear make-up. Captain Logan flashed on his mind, abstractly telling him he should've made an effort to be a normal father.
Still, Thea was grabbing her hands together, and it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if he had to wash his face later.
He thought about pressing a little more, asking why didn't she ask the princesses or even Bill, but shrugged anyways, figuring it wouldn't be a big deal.
"Yeah, sure."
She smiled big, holding her hand up for a high-five.
Ted went along with what she told him to do, tying his hair up, closing his eyes, and waiting for her to do her thing.
It felt funny on his face at first, with her doing the best she could to keep her hands steady to apply her stuff. Billie was there for the last part, when he could hear her entering the room. He didn't say anything, just cracked a smile when she loudly gasped a long "Woah!".
"Dad, you look most outstanding! He looks so good, dude!" Billie remarked, then redirected the compliment to Thea's skills. Thea hummed in agreement before finishing.
"Here, dad, look." Thea said, handing him a mirror.
Ted finally opened his eyes, facing the small mirror in his hand.
The thing is: he didn't know exactly what he expected. He knew make-up didn't change much, Lizzie wore it all the time, and he thought she looked as pretty with her face made as with her face bare.
So he didn't know what to think when he looked in the mirror and thought he looked pretty. His face was still the very same, but the red shadow on his eyes he was sure Thea had put on too much along with light blush and the lipstick felt just right on his face.
"I look most bodacious, dudes." He meant for an exclamation, but he wasn't sure if his voice sounded any louder than a whisper.
"Let your hair down, dude, lemme see it." Billie said with enthusiasm dripping from her voice, taking the elastic off his hair at the same time Thea started to scream for her dad to show up; he held his breath nervously.
He felt his cheeks heating up when Bill entered the room, exclaiming a loud e as long as Billie's "Whoa!"
"Ted, dude," He started, but dropped.
"Right?" Thea laughed proudly.
"I... Thea wanted someone to try it on, it's- I mean..." Ted started rambling, self conscious of the feeling of the lipstick.
"It's cool, dude, you look most non non heinous. Like... You look pretty" Bill struggled. "Just- like, really works on you, dude."
Ted nodded, smiling, looking back at the mirror.
"Yeah, dude, I think so."
—
Thea used him for practicing until her interest in make-up started to fade, but at that point she had already given him the ones she said were his favorites.
If he thought hard about it, they really were his favorites. He had a favorite shade of lipstick now, along with a favorite mascara and eye shadow. These thoughts were enough to summon his most heinous memories of his father, but he always did his best to dismiss it.
Lizzie joked that he could always borrow her stuff, if he wanted to, making him blush and try to hide his face. He knew she meant it, too: she had complimented him most thoughtfully every single time she saw him like that.
So he didn't wear it, but he kept it close.
—
Billie was 20 when they told him they didn't feel like a girl.
They didn't make a big deal of it — telling him in the living room, while Billie pretended to search for something to watch on TV —, but he could tell they were nervous.
Ted could feel his heart clenching when his mouth was faster than his brain, and he asked, "As, like, a dude?", and Billie looked away.
He wanted desperately to take it back, he didn't want to make his kid uncomfortable, he didn't want to be like Captain Logan. He started to mumble his apologies when Billie stopped him.
"As, like, neither." They answered, considering their words. "I'm not a dude, and I don't feel like a girl either, like- Not the way moms or Thea know they're girls. I'm not."
Ted nodded, their words making sense in his head.
"That's most understandable," He says, hesitantly asking, "Everyone know about this?"
"Thea does, kinda. But I wanted to tell you first, dude." They told him, laughing lightly.
"Thanks, dude."
Billie informed him about the things that made them uncomfortable, and the ways they would prefer to be addressed, and Ted made them all in mental notes to never make his kid uncomfortable around him.
Billie made it their mission to tell and explain to their other parents on the same day about their gender.
—
Ted educated himself about genders. He searched about it, he asked Billie about it, he talked to people about it. And each time he found new sources, it felt even more familiar.
He made sure to not lock this feeling away like the other times, when he was too afraid of what Captain Logan or anyone else could think of him.
"Dude, Billie's so smart! How do you even find out the non-binary stuff?" Ted asked Bill once, when they were lying down on the floor after another day in the direction of writing their new album. Bill was facing the sailing, and Ted was facing Bill.
"Yeah, dude! I never even thought about it before they mentioned it." Bill agreed proudly.
Ted nodded. He, too, never even considered the possibility of not needing to be a dude. He hesitated before going for his next question.
"Do you sometimes... Like, feel like they described, Bill? As in like, do you feel like you're different from other dudes?" Ted asks, trying his best to study Bill's expressions.
"I mean, not really." Bill answered, looking back at Ted. "Do you?"
Ted looked away from his face.
"I was thinking about it, dude. They said they don't feel like a girl like the others, and that's most excellent! But, I mean, I always thought I had to be a dude, like, a dude that didn't fit well, but a dude." Ted said nervously, and he thinks he gets why Billie was like that too.
"So maybe you're not a dude..?" Bill prompted, extending his hand to grab Ted's.
"Yeah, maybe." Ted squeezed his hand back, furrowing his brow, "But I don't know if I'm making this up because of Billie, dude." He almost whispers.
"No way, dude. Remember when you told me you sometimes felt like a babe when we danced together at prom?"
"Whoa, I don't remember that."
"You totally did, but you were most wasted, dude."
Ted considered this new piece of information about himself. It was true, if he thought about that, he just tried to push that away for so long that the thought seemed like something to be ashamed of.
"You still feel like a babe sometimes?" Bill asked, low enough for it to seem a secret. Ted looked at their joined hands, where Bill was running circles on the back of his hand.
"Yeah, sometimes."
Ted hesitated before turning his eyes back to Bill's, just to find Bill smiling small.
"Ted, you're the most bodacious of the babes." Bill said, and Ted finally smiled back.
They stayed like that for a while before their backs started to complain.
—
Ted took some time for himself, trying to figure out what it all even meant for him, but it went nowhere several times. He was still the same, now he just knew it was okay and had a way to put it all into words.
He told Billie, next, excited for them to know about his newfound gender, and they commemorated and hugged him until his breath hitched as if he'd just given them a new puppy.
"I don't feel like I'm neither, though. I'm a dude, I just...- not always." Ted tried to explain miserably, arms still around them.
"It's cool, dad, we're still on the same boat." They said laughing, and Ted smiled back.
"Excellent!"