Chapter Text
“What todo what todo” Kate just sits at the end of her bed feeling lost now that she is alone.
Lucky is with Clint and the family for a couple of months after the kids and Clint tried convinced her too stay but settled on just Lucky at Kate’s request that she needed some time alone too figure her self out, days old pizza and binge watching suits and many other shows in the past 2 months couldn’t be good for her let alone lucky, so on her last visit out there she came back alone.
Which was fine for the first couple of days until she realised that now she had no one with her no one too even talk too, even though lucky couldn’t talk but she would swear that sometimes he could understand her, but with her mother now on trial and Eleanor not wanting too speak with Kate so she has no one too speak with even fighting with her own thoughts every time she is on call with Clint trying not too breakdown.
She doesn’t really talk with the larpers anymore since the whole ordeal with Wilson Fisk, she thinks that they don’t want too hang out with her, through the thoughts of her own that always present themselves as soon as she sees a notification on her phone from one of them.
She get a call from Clint about once a week too check in with her but the call usually on last for 5-10 minutes.
She doesn’t get out much anymore she hasn’t done anything for the last 5 months, she hasn’t picked up her bow since the morning after her mother was arrested, she doesn’t train at all, she barely showers and when she does it’s because she’ll notice the delivery drivers pull a face or two over the smell of the apartment and herself.
Every time she leaves the building too go too the corner shop she gets bombarded with questions from the press harassing her about her mothers trial and the fall of the company.
She just needs a break.
As she glances over too her phone she notices the time 10:36am, “fuck” she mumbles too her self as she gets up too eat,
As she opens the fridge door she gets out pizza that looked questionable at best, sliding out from the fridge letting the items on top of it fall over she puts it in the microwave too heat up, while it’s heating up she goes back too the fridge and grabs the milk too make herself a coffee, “fuck” as she reads the date of the carton it’s 2 days out of date but smells atleast a week out of date, whether that would be because most days she just left it out not bothering too put it back until long after it had gone warm or simply that was the smell it had, either way she had too get more milk.
Forgetting about the pizza she goes too the laundry too see what she can put on but comes too the conclusion that she has no clean clothes left so she picks up a assortment of clothes smelling and seeing which ones don’t smell the worst and have no stains, after coming too a agreeable outfit of a jumper that didn’t smell the worse and only had a couple of stains on it and a reasonable clean pair of gym leggings, she stumbled around the apartment looking for her keys and earphones that never seem too end up in the same place twice.
“Oh fuck cmon really” she exclaimed to herself when she finally found her only set of ear phones left that were now broken.
She found her keys for the apartment not too long after, gladly they were still intact.
As she entered the elevator she had too compose herself for the press that was just outside the building lurking for a opportunity for only a few words from Kate, “miss bishop! What are your thoughts on why this case never seems too end miss bishop!” It was true it felt like it never would end none of it the trial, the press, the loneliness,the guilt of putting her own mother behind bars, just when would it all stop she continuously thought too herself as she paced passed the reporters.
When she arrived at the corner store she headed straight for the milk but before she could reach it she heard shouting, quickly ducking down behind the chips which she seemed too have more interest in them then the shouting, but it all changed when she heard a distinct click that she knew too be only one thing.
“Fuck a shotgun”
Peeking her head up from the isle she noticed a face she couldn’t quite pick but the problem lied in that he was holding the shotgun, trying too get a better look she nudged a chip packet that made the Person in question quickly turn and recognise her.
“Bro? Long time no see what are you doing here?” Bro? she thought for a second, “wh what are you doing here and what’s with the shotgun that’s not very friendly”
“ I’m sorry bro having hard times my girlfriend left, turns out she found someone else at that concert and she decided too leave me a few weeks back”
“ yeah well that’s not the best reason too rob someone is it now”
“I know bro I know it’s just it helps me think you know calms me down”
“No no no no look apologise to this kind lady and how’s about we walk out of here, even so since your feeling down how about we go and grab a drink?”
Throughout this whole conversation the cashier is just standing there in shock with her hands up
“ sorry bro I won’t come back with shotgun no more and I will take you up on that offer bro, how does now sound?”
Now she thinks as she looks down too see in one hand a bag of chips and in the other a carton of milk not too mention the clothes situation, “how’s about we both go home and change most importantly get rid of weapons and meet up at hoolians the pub down the street in let’s see pfft 4hrs?”
“But it’s my favourite shotgun Bro you know how many…”
“Nope! Don’t wanna know what the end of that sentence comes out with I’ll see you in 4 hrs, better be there and remember NO SHOTGUN!”
“Okay bro I will see you then”
Still standing there she lets out a sigh when he finally leaves “what is it with me and inviting dangerous People for drinks” as she walks up too the counter she places the chips and milk on the counter
“Umm thank you so much I appreciate it” as Kate forgetting what happened in the last 5 minutes replies back with “huh? Oh yeah no problem actually” as she pulls out a couple of $100 bills “can we please keep this on the down low” the lady behind the counter just nods her head as Kate leaves.
On the way home was as eventful as the way there two street crossing and more reporters eagerly waiting for her arrival,
“Miss bishop any comment on the new information about your mothers trial? They say she might get the life sentence now any comment?” With that Kate felt tears build up in her eyes before the reporters could see any come along she scurry’s inside gets in the elevator and pulls out her phone holding tears back.
If this was true she had too find out, she had the case and coverage of it on her favourites on her phone, as the first article loaded she dropped her phone cracking it and tears bursted out as she slumped against the wall she glanced over wiping her eyes as she read outloud “Eleanor bishop too be found with added charges that range from hiring contract killers multiple times too blackmail of high government officials” it all sank in deep she felt a sickness in her stomach as it turned flipped did everything it could too feel uncomfortable, as the elevator dinged too her floor she stumbled up making her way too her door as, as she entered she felt a wave of sickness crash over her quickly running too the bin she puked straight into the bin, just sitting there she noticed that the milk had been dropped as she entered and now there was milk all near the front door, tears is all she could form just sitting next too bin on the ground just crying she feels broken she feels responsible for all the bad things that have happened the last 5 months.
After what felt like ages she stood back up remembering that she had drinks that was only 3hrs away, did she just spend the better half of a hr just a sitting there doing nothing but crying over spilt milk, it was better then her days being like that but still she felt worse about it all especially since it wasn’t just because of the milk.
As she picked a outfit too wash she settled with a pair of jeans a avenger t-shirt and a simple jacket, while they were in the wash she made a attempt of cleaning the milk up with simply putting a used towel on the ground and pushing the milk out of the way without picking it up.
As she exited the shower she got dry and moved the items from the washer too the dryer and with 30 minutes too get there she was ready, it was the most she has done in a day since Christmas, went too the shops, stopped a robbery, doing a little bit of cleaning and now going out for a drink, still she couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt it somehow made it worse.
By now the reporters had all but gone and was only a quick walk too the pub, once there she realised quickly it was a lot more popular then she thought with a line out front with atleast 20 or more people with that she let out a sigh and started going towards the back her arm feels like it’s getting pulled out of its socket, as she swings around sees the tracksuit mafia member.
“Hey bro! What do you think you are doing come on in they can wait I cannot and we are in need of a drink” within the next few seconds kate has managed too be holding 2 vodkas in her hands wondering how they came too be there.
“ thanks for the drinks…..” as she struggled too actually think of his name.
“Cmon bro it’s Tomas, it is all good we have not met on the friendliest of terms, but for tonight you will not pay for a single vodka this I will say to a new friendship” as he holds up one of his drinks too cheers
‘Ting’
As the night goes on kate starts too find her becoming quite the hot mess finally finding something too dull what she feels day in day out so when Tomas comes up too her and pulls a little bag that has these little cardboard squares in it she thinks too herself what much more could happen.
“Tonight bro we party and I have a feeling this might just help”
“What is it miniature cards?”as she chuckles
“Hahaha nah bro this is what we call acid trust me you will have a great time but only take one”
Lost in the thought of getting away from her problems and having a good time, “sure why not but I wish too have as many as you do my good friennnd” as she slurs the last bit of her sentence.
He chuckles and pulls out four and gives 2 too kate, “ if you wish bro but be careful, now put them on your tongue and have some vodka with me bro too wash them down”
As the vodka goes down and the taste of cardboard now gone kate is abit confused, “nothing is happening did they work?”
“Oh yeah bro trust they will work just give it about 20-30 minutes then come ask”
So that’s what she does she goes back too having a good time and ended up challenging Tomas too a game of pool which after a game that she had lost due too how drunk she was already she decided for more drinks, on the way too grab them though as soon as shit hit the bar it all came very vibrant and distorted not completely but she could tell a change was about.
So she grabbed her drinks and headed back on over too Tomas “Tomas! Bro they feels are there and they are sooo coool everything is like wow bro”
He gets a good laugh from it “ told you bro now have a good time and be the life of the bar with me bro”
With that they had both kicked it up a gear they had stayed at the bar for another hour playing pool and doing shot, by this time it had just stuck 11pm and Kate had been there for awhile but still feeling ready to do anything the colours where still so vibrant the mood she was in was not one she wanted too leave so when she got a call from Clint she quickly realised what she was doing, she quickly scampered out front too try and get her breath before picking up.
“Hey kid I know this is a strange hour of the night too be getting a call from me”
“Hey ya Clinty yeah it is I was just um cuddling up with uh my favourite boy in the the world lucky watching some doctor who”
“Kate are you okay? You sound very drunk, Do you need me too send people too get too you quickly”
“No why would you do that everything is fine just you know me being me good old doctor who and a bottle of wine you should watch it some time”
“Kate you realise lucky is with me correct”
With that her hearts stops for a spit second realising not only had she just made up a dumb lie but he also knows something is going on, “okay maybe two bottles and a few shots of vodka too celebrate, nothing tuff skin kate can’t handle”
“and what exactly are you celebrating kate?”
At this point she wasn’t lying she was celebrating but she just didn’t know what until she said that she was, as she slumped up next too a lamp post across from the pub and slowly sliding her way down it until she hit the pavement , “ow! Well Clint if you must know I’m celebrating how much of a fuck up I am as a child too betray my own mother the way that I did and now it’s even worse Because of me she might only ever see a prison for the rest of her life, so that’s what I’m celebrating that I’m a total fucking idiot, any pointers?”
She could feel her inside not just her stomach but everything just felt bad not a dangerous bad just a severely uncomfortable one from the tips too her toes too the curves on her ears she just felt out of place.
“Kate I’m coming I can be there in 2 hrs please don’t do anything until I get there, it will all be okay I promise”
“Promise? I don’t care about promises anymore I want too take back what I did she lost everything Because of me nothing will ever fix that” at this point she is engulfed in tears and the feeling is only getting more uncomfortable, “I lost everything I ever loved by who? Me! It’s always me that’s the problem so why bother about caring anymore why bother about anything I see four people walking towards me you know how easy it would be for me too just kill them without thinking?”
As she slowly stumbles up too her feet she can here Clint yelling into her phone but she simply throws her phone not caring anymore, Kate starts too walk towards the group of people but before making it a couple of steps she throws up all over herself and the ground and drops too one knee.
The whole group quickly run too her side too help her “omg are you alright do we need too call a ambulance” one of the members speak up while attempting too hold her up
“Leave me alone uhhh… just go away” as they try and get her too a bench she grows impatient and as they get her closer too the bench she lashes out and elbows one of the group members square in the jaw taking him back a few steps and dropping Kate.
“don’t fucking touch me, I know how too walk I’m not a complete fuck up, or who knows maybe I am”
“Gosh damn it lady we were just trying too help” the member with the now hurt jaw lashes back at her, as they all turn around too walk away while helping there now hurt friend.
As she hops up again she can see her phone the call is still going and there are cracks on the screen that look fresh.
“Surprise this still works piece of shit thing”
“Kate can you hear me please answer are you okay”
It’s a different voice this time, more soft elegant then Clint’s which wasn’t hard too beat.
“Yeah hello who’s this?” With a irritated tone too her voice
“It’s laura, Clint’s on his way now he’s taken a Quinjet, the kids wanted too see the new shield training facility so we are here for a couple of days he’ll be there in 2 hrs with lucky”
“Why I don’t need them lucky is with you, why are you being so nice too me I don’t deserve any of it what if Lila betrayed you the way I have, would you ever speak too her again? would you ever want too remember her? too know she was even alive?”
Before Laura could even speak kate ended the call opting out of not hearing her response knowing it would be something she does not want too hear.
As Kate recoups with herself for a second too find her bearings she finds which way home the feeling she has can finally be put too words she has hatred for herself mixed with guilt that has been put way down herself for too long and the drinking but more importantly the drugs have pulled it all out but she doesn’t care for that because they’re out now and she know that’s how she should feel she tells herself while barely staying up right walking.
When she reaches her apartment building she lets herself in as she take a few steps in she trips onto the carpet at the front which makes her go face first into the elevator doors breaking her nose, as a pool of blood start too soak up her jacket and shirt she starts too for tears.
“ for fucks sake why!? Why can’t I do anything right even fucking walking!” she basically screams out punching the floor below her, she must of hit the button too call the elevator while falling because the doors start too open behind as she falls into the elevator with a solid thud too the back of her head, she slowly scurries her way up not too her floor but the roof, she always like the view from up there.
As the elevator finally reaches the top she moves in a limp fashion towards the edge too sit down as she usually does but this with a different thought motivating her, she trips again this time taking the full force as her arms aren’t working in her favour anymore, so she lays there her nose broken more then ever her limbs unable too properly move face too the ground on her stomach.
“I don’t want too be like this anymore I hate it I hate it all why can’t I even do this what is wrong with me” as she breaks out into a uncontrollable cry that fills the subtle noises from the surrounding area of New York, then nothing.
she wakes up in a unfamiliar place she doesn’t know where she is, she hears a voice along with a nail driven headache piercing through her head.
“It’s going too be okay kid your alright your safe”